Another One Crawls From The Slime

Mark Lester, hasbeen actor and friend of Michael Jackson, is in desperate need of publicity. How else do we explain his mutterings to the British tabloids that Lester believes he is the biological father of Paris Jackson?

It is true that Lester is Paris, Prince and Blanket's--seriously, can't we stop calling the child Blanket?--godfather, but Lester takes the stance that Michael Jackson asked him for his sperm about twelve years ago. And Lester gave it to him.

Now, I've had friends ask for a loan, ask to borrow a serving platter, request the use of my car while theirs is in the shop, but how does one go about asking a friend for sperm? And then how does that friend just give it up? Okay, I know how he 'gave it up' but what I mean is why?

Mark Lester: "It's been a secret for so long. In 1996 Michael asked me if I would give him my sperm and I said yes. It was a gift to him, no money was paid, it was something I was honored to do. He wanted children so badly."

So Lester spanked the monkey and then FedExed his 'deposit' to Jackson. Over and done, right? No, Lester says he's coming forward now as Jacko's Jack-off Baby Daddy because he scared that Katherine Jackson is going to cut him out of the children's lives now that she's their legal guardian.

Mark Lester: "This isn't what Michael would have wanted. I feel I have to come forward, as my only way of saying, 'Please don't shut me out!' I don't know if I'm doing the right thing speaking out. But I'm not trying to make any claim on anything. Even if it's proven Paris is biologically mine I wouldn't see her as anything other than Michael's daughter. He raised her. Michael was a brilliant dad. Those kids are Michael's children. He was their father. End of story. But I just want to make sure they're happy."

Well, Mark, I got news for you. You can't make a claim on those children, no matter how many mayonnaise jars you filled with your junk and sent off to Michael Jackson. You're a sperm donor. You have no rights.

All you've succeeded in doing is adding more fuel to the fire that is and was the life and death of Michael Jackson. If you truly cared for those children--as a godfather and nothing else--you'd zip your English lips. And you'd have doen the same to your trousers as well.

That goes for you, too, Dermatologist.