Bobservations

Carlos has been under the weather this week and naturally blames me because two weeks ago I had a wicked cough that I gave to him, which then lay dormant in his chest for two weeks only to appear now.

So, as we do at Casa Bob y Carlos, the sickie sleeps in the guest room so they can get a good night’s sleep and not infect the non-sickie. Carlos has been in Guest Room Confinement since Monday and seemed to be feeling better, but this morning his cough was back and phlegm-y and gross. In the kitchen I said to him:

“You sound worse.”

“Well, then I guess I’d better keep practicing.”

That was a pretty good joke, but I’ll keep that to myself since everyone knows I’m the funny one.

This Tuxedo Memory is from August 2011 after I finished painting the living room and was putting the room back together:

“Finally getting some of the art back on the walls.

The photo above the desk is of a window shade and windowsill covered in broken glass that I found at a winery in Amador County, California. The desk is Carlos', from eons past, while the Bible is mine—yes, mine—and is an old family Bible. The statue on the right is called Twisted Kitty and is made of wrought iron. I found her in a furniture store in the Mission District of San Francisco.

This is one of the many pieces of Asian-inspired art we have in the house; there's something about these things that Carlos and I both love. It sits high on the wall in the sunroom, and you can only see it when you enter the room.

My mother used to do something called Tole painting, which is a type of folk art. She learned to do this from her sister, and my mom spent years painting anything and everything. This is one of the few wall-art pieces of hers that I have and it sits in the kitchen where I can see it, and smile, every day.

And, of course, this is an example of living art. The most beautiful cat in the world, Tuxedo.”

I will never get over his expressive face.

So, people have been mocking Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’ cowboy boots, trying to see if he’s wearing height-boosting insoles lifts to look taller than the 6’3” primary frontrunner who has a penchant for nicknames and is reportedly considered calling DeSantis “Tiny D.”

This is politics in America where it’s not what you promise but whether or not you’re a tiny little man trying to look bigger.

Ps My favorite joke is that the guy who hates drag is walking around in three-inch heels.

Well, unlike Beyoncé  who never met a check she didn’t want to cash, Rod Stewart has snubbed a mega money offer to perform in Saudi Arabia because of the country’s oppression of “women, the LGBTQ community [and] the press” in the kingdom.

Perhaps he should school Mrs. Carter.

In more SCOTUS Scams featuring Clarence Thomas, it seems he borrowed $267,230 from a wealthy “friend” to buy a 40-foot luxury motor coach and was to make annual interest-only payments for five years after which the principal come due. But it seems Thomas has failed to repay any, or all, of the quarter-million-dollar principal.

Someone needs to investigate the con-artists in black robes on the nation’s highest court, and then remove them from their positions.

I am so over the hate in this country … I mean, it’s America and we are killing Americans because they’re Jewish or Muslim.

It’s sickening and makes me want to move anywhere else in the world and change my nationality.

As I said up top, Carlos is not feeling well and has slipped into delirium. As we watched TV he turned to me and said:

“Did I ever tell you about the time I bought a black shirt?”

I am having him committed this morning.

This is 30-year-old actor, model, and former football player for the University of Tennessee Justus Pickett, but this has nothing to do with that … instead, Would You Hit It?

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

When last we left star of Hallmark’s College Admissions Scandal, Lori Loughlin, she was desperate to stay out of prison; she didn’t even wanna do Felicity Huffman Time™. And so now she and her husband, Mossimo Giannulli, have come up with the best defense ever: Lori and Mossi will now use the ‘We did nothing wrong because the faked rowing pictures were [ALLEGEDLY] never sent to USC.

One of the allegations against the One Percenters Giannulli is that they faked daughters Olivia Jade and Isabella’s rowing credentials so that they could get into USC as athletes. This was a red flag since the girls went to a high school that didn’t have a rowing team. Uh oh; rich and dumb?

Prosecutors argue that Rick Singer—whiz behind College Admissions Scandal—ALLEGEDLY told Lori and Mossi to take the photos and submit them with their daughters’ admissions package. Prosecutors say the only purpose of the pictures was to defraud the university. But USC sources say the pictures were never part of the Giannulli girls’ admissions package and so now Lori will simply say she must be acquitted because the fake photos weren’t in the envelope.

But if that doesn’t work, Lori and Mossi will play the ‘We didn’t know the 500K we gave Rick was a bribe.’ Yes, the man who asked them to fake some pictures also asked to be paid half-a-million bucks, and they saw nothing odd about that.

Meanwhile, it’s also being reported that Lori has hired a “prison expert” who might help her transition from Aunt Becky of Fuller House to Cell Block D Becky of the Big House.

Like I said, rich and dumb.

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I wonder if Rod Stewart and his son Sean thought they’d get a family discount for brawling?

It’s being reported that the Stewart clan was celebrating New Years at The Breakers Hotel in Palm Beach, Florida when a security guard told pissant Sean Stewart that his group couldn’t enter a private event.

According to the police report, that security guard, Jessie Dixon, was working a private event in the children’s area … yes, the children’s area … of the hotel when he saw the Stewart group trying to get in. Dixon told them they had to leave, and they ALLEGEDLY got loud, and that’s when pissant Sean, aged 39 … yes, 39 … got in Dixon’s face and demanded to be allowed into the kiddie party.

Dixon then put his hand on Sean’s chest and told him to back up off of him and then septuagenarian daddy Rod Stewart tried to come to his son’s rescue and threw a punch, striking Dixon in chest.

The police were called, and Rod explained that Dixon got argumentative with his family which justifies trying to break someone’s ribs ; Rod then tried apologizing, but then the security tape was viewed and it showed the Stewarts were “the primary aggressors.” 

Jessie Dixon pressed charges against Rod and the Family Stewart, and they’re due back in Miami next month for their arraignment.

Perhaps this time they’ll have a pass for the kiddie area?

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JLo wants an Oscar but instead she’s getting sued.

Samantha Barbash—the former stripper who inspired Jennifer Lopez’s 2019 film Hustlers—is suing the diva for $40 million.

Did the movie even make that much? In court documents Barbash claims Lopez, and her company Nuyorican Productions “exploited” her likeness in the film without her permission. She ALLEGES that producers approached her to “obtain a consent and waiver” and she refused. Barbash says they then just went ahead with the film anyway. Barbash also claims J Lo’s portrayal of her in the film was “false” and “offensive” due to her character “using and manufacturing illegal substances in her home where she lived with her child,” which Barbash denies ever doing and because JLo couldn’t act her way out of a pair of tearaway undies.

Barbash is suing for $20 million in compensatory damages and $20 million in punitive damages and wants the court to force producers to turn over copies of the film.

So, she can sell them out of the trunk of her Buick, I’m guessing.

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Kardastrophes are dumb. Real dumb; even if their true last name is Jenner, they’re dumb.

Take one Kylie Jenner, for example. She recently made a $1 million donation towards helping Australia deal with the immense fires consuming their country. Not so dumb, but let’s backtrack …first she posted how sad she was about the fires killing millions of animals and then right on the heels of that she posted her $1480 real mink fur Louis Vuitton slippers.

Yes, she cares for the animals dying in the fires in Australia while wearing mink slippers.

Dumb as effing dirt. But it goes on … to Kim Kardastrophe and sister Khloé. It appears that Kim got pissy with the internet for getting mad at her and her family for talking about climate change; one commenter wrote:

“Nothing gets me more heated than to see the Kardashians/Jenners talk about climate change/wildfires & not donate even a penny.”

To which Kim replied:

“Nothing gets me more heated than to see people think they know what we donated to and to think we have to publicize everything.”

And then Khloé—whom I used to think of as the smart one, or at least the normal one until all the injectables in her lips went to her brain—took the internet to task as well:

“Good deeds should be done with intention and not for attention. We are all blessed to be able to bless others even if it is in the slightest way. But we do not need to be boastful about that. Be boastful in regards to teaching others how they may be able to help as well.”

Seriously. Forget about kylie, she’s a moron, but let’s focus on Kim and Khloé, two of the biggest fame whores and social media abusers who post every iota of nothingness about their lives online expect anyone to believe that if they donated money to climate change or the fires in Australia, they wouldn’t take to Insta or Twitter or Facebook or Sites For Asshatted Wannabe Celebrities To Brag On Themselves and tell the world?

Bitches please.

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Lastly, from the moment Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie broke up people have been wondering how long until Pitt and first ex-wife Jennifer Aniston would get back together.

Well, wonder no more, because the two are coupling again.

Now, there’s been no announcement, but there have been subtle clues … first, Jen invited Brad to her fiftieth birthday party. Then they both showed up to the Golden Globes, not together, but they were both there. And then when Brad won a Golden Globe and was giving his acceptance speech, the cameras cut to Aniston and she was smiling. The last clue? Brad mentioned her in his speech … oh, it was hidden, but when he said he would have brought his mother, but didn’t because any woman photographed with him is suddenly his new fiancée, everyone knew that meant he and Jen were back together and not being seen to together just to throw us all off the scent.

But, Jen’s pregnant, and Brad is moving in with her and changing his name to Brad Aniston.

Wait and see; I’m right.

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I Ain't One To Gossip, But........

After Renée Zellweger shaved off her beard, i.e. she and Bradley Cooper broke up--he has ALLEGEDLY gone back to his previous, um, "girlfriend".

I mean, one mustn't allow those rumors of gayness to resurface, must one? So, yes, it seems Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Aniston are not-so-secretly dating again.
A source--and by source, I mean the guy that knows Bradley Cooper intimately....and I wish it was me--admits that the pair, who had "dated" back in Oh-Nine, have been in touch recently, saying, "Jen always had a soft spot for Bradley, and she thinks he is very attractive and charming."
And he has a soft spot for her, if you get my meaning.
Back in Oh-Nine, while promoting "The Hangover," and needing any and all kinds of press, rumors swirled about Cooper and Aniston. Bradley sashayed them off, saying, "I met her three times in my life. My mom loves it, but unfortunately it's not true."
My mom loves it? Every g_y boy tells his mama about his "dates," even when the "dates" are with girls. And, of course, as Cooper was saying it wasn't true, and he'd only "met" Jen, there were pictures taken of the "couple" dining in NYC. So much for the old, I don't know her.
I picture Bradifer, er, Coopeston....OMG, none of these work....um, Jenniley....Hmmm, maybe....staying together long enough to promote a couple of movies, and then there will be an amicable split, and Cooper will find another actress to team up with.
I ain't sayin' he's gay, now, I'm just sayin'.....hmmmm.

And speaking of hmmmm, where does a former boy-bander go when the bloom is off the rose?
I mean, if you a New Kid, or a Backdoor, er Backstreet Boy, you reunite as new Kids On The Block Doing The Nasty With Some Backstreet Boys and you go on tour and make a few dollars more.
But, what about the boys in the band, Ninety Eight Degrees? Yeah, the one that had Jessica Simpson's ex-husband in it. What about those boys?

Well, if you're Jeff Timmons and you haven't had much success parlaying singing with prepubescent boys until you're long out of puberty into a successful adult career, you become a, and he did, Chippendale's dancer.
Yes, Timmons will don a bow tie, and little else, except some booty shorts and body oil to spend four weeks--What? he couldn't get hired full-time?--with the strip/dance crew Chippendale's in Las Vegas.
Timmons, now thirty-seven, and a bit long in the tooth for boy bands and male strippers--will be shakin' what his mama gave him at the Rio All-Suite Hotel and Casino from May 12 through June 5. A press release states that as soon as Timmons comes on-stage, "the temperature will rise"--Get it/ ninety-Eight Degrees!--to be the guest star for the strippers, and the emcee.
Boy band to male stripper.
Yeah, that is the chain of succession, I guess,

Rod Stewart, nearing one-hundred,forty-seven years of age, is said to be thrilled at becoming a grandfather, but not so thrilled that his grandbaby daddy, Benicio del Toro, so causally impregnated his daughter, Kimberly.

Really, Rod? This from a man who has eight children with six different women?
It seems that Benicio's "people" announced through the press that del Toro is the daddy of Kimberly Stewart's baby, but that the two are not a couple. I guess it was just kind of drive-by impregnation. And Rod had hoped his daughter would have taken that walk down the aisle before getting knocked up, even though her own daddy did it the other way round on more than one occasion.
A friend of Rod's--and by friend, I mean his crypt-keeper--says, "Rod might seem like a wild man but deep down he is very conservative. What dad doesn't dream of his daughter's wedding day before she starts a family?"
Maybe the dad who knocked up six different women eight times? He has a son and a daughter with first wife, Alana Hamilton; a daughter with Kelly Emberg--whom he never married; two children with second wife but third baby mama, Rachel Hunter; and two children with Missus Stewart Number Three. He is also the father of a daughter who was born in the 1860s, er, 1960s, and put up for adoption.
Just sayin'.


So, what happens when your life of cocaine and hookers get you fired from your TV show and then you become some kind of trainwreck Twitter star and decide to take that mess on the road and then bomb magnificently at it? What do you do next?

Well, if you're Charlie Sheen, and you believe what your hangers-on are saying, you use your stage show, the "Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not an Option," to, at first, hint, that you want your old job back, and then begin talking about how you're not supposed to talk about getting your job back.
But, let's be honest, he needs the work. Suitcases of cocaine and closets of porn stars don't come cheap.
Even though, in his "show" Sheen blasts his former CBS show, "One Man, One Boy, and One Deranged Cokehead", he has been dropping hints about his possible return to his series.
"There've been discussions, but I was asked not to divulge anything," Sheen recently discussed and divulged. "Had they told me at the end of Season 8 that that behavior wasn't going to be cool, I would have adjusted it."
So, um, Charlie? Someone has to tell you that luggage filled with drugs and houses full of hookers isn't cool behavior? That, asshat, is problem Number One on a long list of problems. Problem Number Two is that the idea of you returning to your old show is playing only in your head.
Lawyers for Warner Bros. TV, AKA The Defendants in Sheen's $100-million-dollar lawsuit to get his job back, released a staement saying Sheen's claims to a Boston radio station are completely untrue: "As you know, there have been no discussions, there are no discussions, and there will be no discussions, regarding his returning to or having any involvement in the series."
Of course, Sheen's lawyer, Marty Singer, who works round the clock keeping Sheen out of trouble, and fails miserably, shot back: "That's ridiculous. There absolutely have been discussions. As late as this Tuesday there have been discussions about Charlie coming back and everyone was involved."
Maybe the discussions were about Charlie coming back.............and cleaning out his dressing room. i mean, would you go in there without a HazMat suit?
Just sayin'.

Now that her husband-grandfather, Michael Douglas, is on the mend after completing treatment for throat cancer, Catherine Zeta-Jones has decided to check herself into the hospital. Or, more appropriately, the psych ward.

Her representative--and by representative, i mean the guy who keeps the painting of CZJ painted in the late 1800s up in the attic where no one can see it age--says, "After dealing with the stress of the past year, Catherine made the decision to check in to a mental health facility for a brief stay to treat her Bipolar II Disorder."
And, by Bipolar, he means her Obsessive Need To Be The Center Of Attention. After a year of people talking only about her husband, CZJ decided it was time to shift the focus back to her.
Of course, it wasn't just Michael Douglas and his cancer stealing the spotlight, it was those two kids of theirs always looking for mommy's love, and then that son of Michael's, Cameron, being sent to prison for dealing drugs, and then the first Mrs. Douglas suing for more money..
Don't.These.People.Know.It's.All.About.C.Z.J?
Just sayin'.

I think one should star calling Elizabeth Hurley The Boomerang.

She was with actor Hugh Grant until Hugh got friendly with a hooker.
Then she had a five-minute stand with billionaire Steve Bing, which resulted in her having Bing's baby--something he denied until he got three letters in the mail, D, N, A.
Then there was a short pit-stop back at Hugh Grant.
After which she up and married Arun Nayar.
Until rumors of an affair circulated, then came word of a divorce, and the revelation that her new love was Aussie cricketing champ Shane Warne, who was also married.
Now, she and Warne are "just friends" and she has ALLEGEDLY boomerang'd back to Hugh.
She has even admitted, in an interview with Hello magazine, that she and Hugh will "end up living together like Darby and Joan"--in England, Darby and Joan is an expression for an old married couple who lead a placid, rather hum-drum life.
I'm not sure about the hum-drum life, given his penchant for the Divine Brown's of the world, and her penchant for schtupping whatever comes along.
It sounds a little more Ho-hummer.
Just sayin'.

Kimora Lee Simmons is a moron.
That's all.
Well, okay, there's more.

It seems she shocked everyone by hitting a red caret event looking about thirty pounds lighter, and when asked about her sudden weight loss, and how she did it, the fool said, "I don't eat."
Yes, she did. This mother to small children says she didn't diet or exercise, she just stopped inserting food into her mouth. Half-joking, ALLEGEDLY, Kimora says, "I have shed the fat by not eating. But I don't like to tell the kids that so they think they shouldn't eat."
Apparently she still has some fat to lose.
In.Her.Head.
She says her new-found love for No Food Ever started when she moved to LA  and began hanging around with two "realtiy show" sisters--whom she won't name...though the letters K, K and K, seem to pop up: "I was out one night with two famous sisters, when a bunch of burgers were being passed around. I went to grab one and the two of them looked shocked. They said, 'We don't eat.' Then after I grabbed a burger, they said they were joking but I knew they weren't!"
So, she's taking dieting advice from a Kardashian.
Like I said, she still has the fat in her head.

Some people love her.
Some people hate her.

I fit snuggly in group two, and the reason is clear: there is no one on earth more enamored of Gwyneth Paltrow than Gwyneth Paltrow herself. And let's prove it, using her own words.
She says folks are "pissed off" at her because she's driven and unafraid of change, while they're not: "It's easier to not change, not do something good for you, not work on your relationship, not make yourself a meal, not work out. Everything in my life that's good is because I worked my ass off to get it and to maintain it."
It's all good because she made it that way. All by herself. No help or support from her actor-director parents. No help from her singer-songwirter husband. No help from Harvey and Bob Weinstein. She made it all on her on, and no one else in the history of the world knows how to do that, and we're all jealous.
Seriously.
Um, Gwynnie, honey?
The reason I don't like you has nothing to do with the idea that you can change and grow and adapt, it's because you think you're better than everyone else, especially since the Weinstein Brothers bought you that Oscar.
Seriously, Best Actress? That's comical.
And you made a movie about being a country singer--which bombed, by the way--and now you think you can sing? Homey, you have all the stage presence of a Q-tip with a passable voice. Please, do not make a record. Let your husband sing. He can, you know.
But she goes on, pondering about why many people hate her: "My theory is twofold. I think there's a part of me that because I think I do a lot, I think my work ethic is the reason why I'm successful. I think that a lot of people don't want to put in effort and it's easier to not change, not do something good for you, not work on your relationship, not make yourself a meal, not work out. [They're just] pissed off at someone else doing that. Everything in my life that's good is because I worked my ass off to get it and to maintain it....If everyone has an opinion then no one has an opinion. Ultimately, it's not about me...It's a projection. Sometimes if I hear of something really unkind or somebody's really misunderstood me or something like that for a second I'll be like, "Oooh wow that hurt," but almost immediately I'll be like, "poor guy." What state are they in that they're seeing that or projecting that."
See, she feels sorry for us because we don't work as hard as she does, and we just aren't good enough.
Yeah, that's why we loathe you Gwyneth.