It's Snarkurday!

Sixty-one year old Mel Gibson, devout Catholic that he is, has become a father for the ninth time when his twenty-six year old girlfriend, Rosalind Ross, gave birth to their son, Lars Gerard Gibson.

Devout Catholic. Alcoholic. Anti-Semite. Ninth child by three different women, two of whom he never married.

That’s all.

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So, Charlie Sheen’s ex, and serial rehabber—she’s gone to rehab fourteen times now—Brooke Mueller is once again out of treatment and ready to take on the world.

After getting trashed in a bar with her children by her side—to be fair, a nanny was there , too, though was the nanny for Brooke or for the boys—Mueller was seen wandering barefoot around Salt Lake City and, according to one witness, beating her sons at a car wash.

Brooke had just completed a rehab stay in Utah and decided to live there with her and Sheen’s twin sons when she went off the rails again. Bob and Max, her two sons, were placed with Brooke’s family, who just confirmed that she’s out of rehab. Brooke’s mother, Moira, Fiore says:

“I’m really proud of how well Brooke is doing after her treatment plan and being a full-time mom again. She’s very committed to being the best mom and staying healthy.”

Again. This was at least her fourteenth stay in rehab after getting drunk in a bar where she’d gone with her children and then, ALLEGEDLY, assaulting them.

How is that she gets custody ... ?

Oh, yeah, Charlie Sheen.

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Ewan McGregor has a new movie, T2: Trainspotting, coming out soon, and so he’s been making the rounds of British chat-shows to promote it.

He was set to appear on Good Morning Britain, but decided that he didn’t want to do the show after learning that one of the hosts is gasbag Piers Morgan. Ewan took to Twitter—as celebs do—to break the news:

“Was going on Good Morning Britain, didn't realise @piersmorgan was host. Won't go on with him after his comments about #WomensMarch”

The comments Ewan are referring to come from a piece Piers wrote for The Daily Mail about the Women’s March, saying it was dumb because, well, Madonna was there. And so, of course, Piers Morgan who makes his reputation being a dick and arguing with anybody and everybody because how else would we even know his name, also took to The Twitter:

“Sorry to hear that @mcgregor_ewan - you should be big enough to allow people different political opinions. You're just an actor after all.”

Followed by:

“A real man would have come on and debated it with me, not run away like a coward.”

Ewan hasn’t responded, probably because he’s thinking, “Gosh, debating Piers Morgan would be like shooting dumbass fish in a barrel.”

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So, Drake and JLo have been teasing the media about how hot and heavy they are but then, wait, what, is that Drake having dinner in Amsterdam with porn star Rosee Divine.

Yup. JLo sure can pick ‘em, but maybe this is her type .... younger guys who take her out and pose pretty with her but then hook up with porn stars—a la Drake—or transexuals—a la Casper Smart—or just leave her for any number of other women—a la Marc Anthony and Ben Affleck.

JLo should seriously stop dating until her shrink can help her through this.

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Speaking of rocky couples ... Flip or Flop exes Christina and Tarek El Moussa.

On camera the recently separated "Flip or Flop" stars seem to be getting along, but off-screen it’s fugly with the two working on camera together but not even speaking once filming stops.

According to sources—and it might be Christina looking for coins—says Tarek purposefully does things, like "bragging loudly about sleeping with girls", to upset Christina and so she—who’s hooked up with a family friend, Gary Anderson—thinks he’s a “pig.”

Um, you picked him, married him, created a fake show with him, and then dumped him while still pretending to be a happily married couple so yeah, I don’t care.

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So, Charlie Sheen who used drugs and booze and porn stars and insanity to lose his lucrative gig on Two-and-a-Half Men recently apologized for the nasty things he said about Ashton Kutcher, after Kutcher was hired to replace him on the show. But he also did a radio interview where he continued to bash, and bad-mouth, others from the show, notably creator and producer, Chuck Lorre and the studio Warner Brothers:

“I made four billion for that studio, and I got fired.”

Again, fired for crazy drunken porn star drug wars. And then Sheen, who really doesn’t have much going on except alimony and child support, honed in on Lorre:

“The most ridiculous impostor, Chuck Lorre, I hope you’re listening. Hey Chuck: Suck my f–king butt.”

Then he let loose a slew of F-bombs because, well, when idiots speak it boils down to F-bombs.

Sheen also told the story of how, before his “Two-and-A-Half-Men” contract was terminated, the studio offered him use of a company jet to fly to rehab:

“I said, ‘The f–k you are. You’re not flying anyone anywhere.’ I said, ‘I have other plans. See that blonde behind the door? Yeah’.”

Yeah, and it’s everyone else’s fault he’s where he is and who he is.

Siddown Charlie, you’re over.

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It's Snarkurday!

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Vivica A. Fox—the ‘A’ is for Asshat—has a career based on one film, 1996’s Independence Day, and the fact that she likes to say that Fifty Cent enjoys getting his salad tossed. And now she has a new gig coming to TV though she doesn’t want The Gays to watch it.

Vivica’s Black Magic, on Lifetime, will document Fox’s efforts to launch a male stripper show in Vegas but while promoting it, she thought it best to tell The Gays to stay away. When asked if her dancers would shake their moneymakers for gay men, too, Fox snapped:

“Aw, hell no. Back all that up. No! No! There’s no need to, they dance for women. It’s called the ‘Ultimate Girls’ Night Out’ for a reason.”

Careful, Viv, because I imagine you are surrounded by gay men who do your hair and your nails and your clothes and your plastic surgery. Watch your mouth before you start looking like Ernest Borgnine. Or, better still watch out for the Twitterers who came for you ...

“Really @MsVivicaFox? Imagine if some1 said no black women allowed. Not okay!! Stop hate -wake up it’s 2017.”

Vivica snapped back three times:

“CRAZY how u are trying to take one small moment out of MY interview and call me [homophobic]?? U are trash dude! Complete trash! SMDH.”

“Stop it w this I’m [homophobic] crap! My show is 4 the LADIES Got it?! #UltimateGurlsNiteOut is EXACTLY what we do! No HATE on Gays! EVER!”

“No hate! I’ve NEVER been [homophobic]! U are spreading hate not me! Have a blessed day and check us out next week #VivicasBlackMagic is HAWT.”

Vivica seemed poised to stand her ground, but once she caught sight of herself in a two-dollar weave, an off-the-rack dress from the Discount Drag Queen Warehouse, some off-bran Espadrilles and those few stray hairs left unplucked from her chin, she remembered who buttered her bread and apologized:

“Sure! I've been a FRIEND n supporter of the LGBT community! Didn't mean 2 offend and I'm woman enough 2 apologize! My show is 4 all 2 enjoy”

Well, not for all, because it sounds like trash and a too-little-too-late rip-off of Magic Mike XXL. So, sit down Vivica, your plastic surgeon has a little something new for your face.

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Well, the Kanye-Beyoncé-Jay Z beef won’t end anytime soon if this story is even partially true ...

Rumor has it that Beyoncé tore into Missus Kanye West ... for now ... during a phone call when Kim asked her to try and soothe tensions after Kanye’s hospitalization. In other words, Kim said, “My husband is a lunatic, please try and watch your mouth because I can’t guarantee your safety.”

That doesn’t sound so bad, does it? I mean, it’s kinda true ... of course, this comes on the heels of other Beyoncé snubs of That Klan, like when Kim asked [read: begged] to be Beyonce’s friend or to  let Blue Ivy play with North and Beyoncé just shut her down.

Still, two things make me think the story is fake: Kim Kardastrophe has Beyonce’s private phone number? And if she does, Beyoncé actually answers her own phone?

Oh hell no.

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So ... ABC’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve and Mariah Carey, right? What a d-i-saster.

I mean, the backing vocal was all wrong, or so Mimi says, so she strutted around the stage like a stripper without a pole. But then the next song she declares is the album version and yet she still can’t get it together enough to sing so she struts some more, has a dancer hoist her up a flight of stairs and then wanders off like my drunken Aunt June at Cousin Edna’s wedding last fall.

But why didn’t the producers save her? Why not cut to commercial and fix the mess? Who knows because they aren’t talking, though Mimi, who first Tweeted a ‘sh*t happens’ message, is now trying to wring more drama out of this than Whitney—goddess rest her soul—trying to wring sweat from a towel during a stage performance of ‘I Wanna Dance With Somebody.’

Mimi’s people—wearing tin-foil hats—are saying that Carey was sabotaged in an attempt to get higher TV ratings for ABC because a Mariah That Sucks gets better numbers than a Mariah That Sings. In fact, Chief Conspiracy Theorist at Camp Carey, her  manager, Stella Bulochnikov, says:

“I will never know the truth, but I do know that we told them three times that her mic pack was not working and it was a disastrous production. I’m certainly not calling the FBI to investigate. It is what it is: New Year’s Eve in Times Square. Mariah did them a favor. She was the biggest star there and they did not have their s–t together.”

Dick Clark Productions responded to the allegations with this statement:

“As the premier producer of live television events for nearly 50 years, we pride ourselves on our reputation and long-standing relationships with artists. To suggest that dcp, as producer of music shows including the American Music Awards, Billboard Music Awards, New Year’s Rockin’ Eve and Academy of Country Music Awards, would ever intentionally compromise the success of any artist is defamatory, outrageous and frankly absurd. In very rare instances there are of course technical errors that can occur with live television, however, an initial investigation has indicated that dcp had no involvement in the challenges associated with Ms. Carey’s New Year’s Eve performance. We want to be clear that we have the utmost respect for Ms. Carey as an artist and acknowledge her tremendous accomplishments in the industry.”

In other words, dcp says Mariah Sucks ... something most of us knew long before New Year’s Eve.

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Sylvester Stallone is an American icon and ... okay, I kid ... but he is a Golden Globe winner and the father of the three ...count ‘em, three ... Miss Golden Globes from the show the other night—his daughters Sistine, like the Chapel, Scarlet, like the Letter and Sophia, like the Bush, were the beauties onstage handing out the statues. But none of that guaranteed that Stallone would have a good seat at the show. In fact, he was almost invisible during the program because of a seating snafu.

Stallone and the Missus were scheduled to sit at the Manchester by the Sea table along with that film’s star, Casey Affleck, its producer, Matt Damon and its writer-director, Kenneth Lonergan, but when Stallone and his wife Jennifer Flavin arrived they only found one seat waiting for them. And rumor has it that they were so annoyed that no one, not Damon or Affleck or Lonergan offered to give up their chair. So Sly and his Family Stallone, embarrassed by the snub, watched the show from backstage.

Later in the evening, after nabbing a Globe for Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama, Casey Affleck saw Stallone backstage and tried to apologize for the seating mess but Stallone was not having it.

His reps, though, did have something to say:

“The story you refer to is an interesting rumor—but a rumor nonetheless. Sylvester Stallone had a wonderful evening attending and presenting at the Golden Globes and celebrating with his family and friends.”

Celebrating by a buffet table set up in a hallway backstage, I guess.

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I’d always assumed that Flip or Flop’s Tarek El Moussa’s favorite color was gray—given that he chooses gray for every surface in every house he flips—but apparently I was wrong and his favorite color is green.

We all know that Flip or Flop’s Tarek and Christina El Moussa split up a long time ago—though they continued to film their TV show as a lovingly married couple—and she started bumping uglies with their friend, and former contractor, Gary Anderson while Tarek ALLEGEDLY banged their nanny, but now the marriage is really over because Tarek won the footrace to the courthouse to file for divorce and to ask for spousal support.

And while Tarek and Christina say they will keep their divorce civil—and continue to play a happily uncoupled couple on their HGTV show—it’s already gone uglier than a bad travertine shower surround.

Tarek wants coins from Christina and wants a judge to ban her from getting her mitts on his ass ... ets. But why so nasty, since they’re both real estate agents and do the same job on the show, which is pretending to actually do manual labor on their show, while the real work is done by a bunch of guys named Manuel.

Is it because maybe Christina was doing the nasty with Gary long before the couple split up ... which was long before they announced they split up?

Maybe Tarek will be using that little snatch of adultery to get more coins. Either way you Flip it, their marriage is a Flop.

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Okay, so we started with Gay Hater Vivica A. Fox, so let’s end with her ...

We know that she stuck her rented Size 11 Louboutin’s in her mouth when she banned The Gays from watching her craptastic Lifetime show about male strippers, because she backtracked as soon as she realized that, without The Gays, she’d be doing nails in the Valley for minimum wage.

But now there’s this ... Vivica’s business partner Jean-Claude LaMarre is done with her over her No Gays Can Watch My Show mess, and is cutting all ties with her:

“The comments were out of order, and it does not represent our attitudes toward the LGBT community. All are welcomed. Vivica speaks for herself, not the business or the show.”

Vivica started working with Jean-Claude when he put her in his movie Chocolate City, which morphed into Vivica’s Black Magic, and while he’ll still executive produce the show, he is done working with Vivica A. Fox.

Again, the ‘A’ is asshat.

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