I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I don’t know who Goonew is, but this story makes me sick.

Goonew was a twenty-four-year-old a rapper who was shot and killed three weeks ago in District Heights, Maryland, a few blocks from where he grew up. His murder remains unsolved, but his family held his funeral last weekend and it was … sickening.

With the help of the funeral home, the family propped up Goonew’s embalmed corpse on stage at Bliss Nightclub, dressed in sneakers, jeans, an Amiri hoodie, and a crown, and they called the service “The Last Show”  and charged a $40 cover charge for the privilege of partying with a dead body on a stage.

Seriously.

Now, I get the idea of having the memorial in a club; is it really so different propping a corpse up on a stage than having the body inside a pine box? But to put a cover charge on it like this was Goonew’s last “performance” stinks of greed.

Sickening.

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More sickening … embattled “housewife” Erika Jayne of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was recently removed from the lawsuit against her soon-to-be ex-husband, Tom Girardi, after he was accused of embezzling settlement money meant for widows and orphans.

As soon as that news came, Erika ran to Twitter to do a “told ya so” dance and pronounce she’d been right saying she was innocent. But the California Court system said, “Hold my beer” because the other shoe had yet to drop.

She was then named in a $2.1 million lawsuit  for ALLEGEDLY “aiding and abetting” Tom’s schemes and has just been sued for $50 million for her ALLEGED role in Girardi’s money schemes.

The XXpen$ive To Be Me “singer” is getting cheaper by the day.

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Oh Madge, what have you done now?

While Madonna has had a TikTok account for a while she doesn’t post that often, but when she did so recently, she scared the children because her face is, well, like that up there. And the children came for her:

“This honestly scared me.”

“Nurse she’s over here.”

“Is she okay, though?”

“Is this Darcey or Stacey?”

I had to Google Darcey and Stacey—that’s them down there—and they are Darcey and Stacey Silva who have a reality show that follows their hot messes around Middletown, Connecticut.

So, basically, they’re Madonna without having had a successful singing career in the 80s and 90s.

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This sounds like a joke, but it’s about Marjorie Taylor Greene and she has zero sense of humor, so, you know, it must be true [hint: it is].

After the confirmation vote for Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, Large and In Charge Marge was all kinds of butt-hurt and labeled the three Republicans who voted to confirm—Susan Collins, Mitt Romney and Lisa Murkowski—as “pro-pedophile” and when talk show host Jimmy Kimmel heard about that he said:

“Wow, where is Will Smith when you really need him?”

In response Marge called the Capitol Police—the very group she denigrated after the Insurrection—to report the threat of assault. Luckily, the Capitol Police have enough on their plate, and they put Marge’s complaint in the Circular File, and so she took to Twitter:

“You weren’t joking. You hide your misogyny and your racism behind your ‘jokes’ on @ABC. This was a dog whistle to the violent left to assault me or worse, and your [sic] already inspiring fantasies of violence against me. How many new death threats will I get that are your fans?”

And she went on:

“@jimmykimmel your fans called my office today in direct response to you inciting physical violence towards me. It’s not a joke. You knew exactly what you were doing. @ABC and their parent company @WaltDisneyCo should not allow your misogyny & threats of violence.”

Kimmel addressed her TwitRage—first pointing out a misspelled “your” in one of her tweets—and noted that he gets death threats from her QAnon minions and that she  “is the one who endorsed fringe conspiracy theories” and “repeatedly indicated support for executing prominent Democratic politicians.” And then Kimmel followed her lead and reported her, oh not to the police, but to the Justice League, writing:

“Dear Batman,

I’m writing about a woman who might be a supervillain. Like the Riddler she believes the world is full of coded messages. Like the Joker she thinks she is funny, and like the Penguin she is five foot three. Please check her out. Love to Robin.

Love, Jimmy.”

At press time for this post, Marge hasn’t sent Poison Ivy after Jimmy … yet.

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Last year when the Kardastrophes announced they were quitting their “show,” I posted that they were simply quitting the E! channel and would soon have a streaming show where they could make more coins.

I was right, but this isn’t about that. This is about that group shot up there with all the daughters, except the dumb one who keeps getting pregnant, looking tanned and Botoxed and boob jobbed and extensioned to the gills, and it begs the question: what is veteran character actor JK Simmons doing up there in the back row with the black bob?

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I learned a loooong time ago that you don’t fu— mess with Naomi Campbell. I mean, I still have a cell phone dent in my melon from pissing her off.

So, I pity Naomi’s ex-boyfriend, billionaire Valdislav Doronin, who left her for Knaomi-Knockoff Luo Zilin. I pity him because he is asking for all the money that he ALLEGEDLY lent to Naomi during their five years together.

Naomi and Vlad dated from 2008 to 2013, and just now, seven years later, he wants his coins back? Сука пожалуйста … Russian for, ‘Bitch, please.’ It’s a good thing that Vlad is rich, because he’s gonna need extra security now that he’s pissed off The Diva.

Vladislav filed the lawsuit against Naomi, claiming that she has refused to pay back the money he loaned her—though he cannot remember how much he gave her—and is keeping some of his “personal property” that he ALLEGES is worth about $3 million.

One thing he’s not asking to be returned is the house, in the shape of the Eye of Horus, on Cleopatra Island in Turkey that he gave her.

Vlad better keep one eye open when he sleeps because, as I said, you don’t fu— mess with Naomi.

Ev.Er.

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Publishing house Harper Collins is suing Lindsay Lohan for nearly $400,000, claiming the actress never delivered a manuscript for a book deal struck over six years ago.

Seriously? You gave Lohan 400K six years ago and expected her to write a book? I once gave her four bucks to read a book and I’m still waiting.

At any rate, according to the lawsuit, Lohan and her company Crossheart Productions, entered into a contract with HarperCollins in 2014 for a book that was originally due a year later. The publishing house gave Crossheart a $365,000 advance for the deal which “was given to Lohan,” but the manuscript—about her 2013 stint in rehab--never materialized, even after she was given a two-year extension on the deadline.

Oh Harper Collins, the only book Lindsay is capable of writing is how she can get a publishing house to give her nearly half-a-million dollars to write a book … and then never write it.

 And that 400K is long gone …probably in Twizzlers and vodka.

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Ellen DeGeneres’ talk show is premiering later this month and will apparently start the new season with Ellen trying to dig herself out of the massive hole her ego and ALLEGED meanness have gotten her into. The first show back will be September 21, without a studio audience, because we’re still in the middle of a pandemic and Ellen don’t like no Booing.

She is set, again ALLEGEDLY, to discuss the ALLEGATIONS of foul behavior of her former senior production team—Kevin Leman, Ed Glavin, and Jonathan Norman—and ALLEGATIONS that she’s a cold unfeeling shrew to her staff and crew, that she knew employees were treated like shit and did nothing about it, and that she ALLEGELY tried to save a few coins by filming the show at one of her seven LA mansions using a non-union crew.

And this all comes with the newest stories that working in one of Ellen’s many homes is also a nightmare. A source, who claims to have worked at one of Ellen and Portia de Rossi's many homes, ALLEGES that Ellen is a nightmare to work for, hyper-demanding and extremely picky. Ellen would be set off by a misplaced saltshaker, or the amount of foam in her latter, and would start each morning giving her staff a list of complaints from the previous day:

“Sometimes she would yell at us, but it was more about the incredibly condescending tone she would use. She treated you like you were nothing. She was going to torture you and you were just going to sit there and listen to it because you were being paid. Ellen was the worst person that I’ve ever met in my life. She takes pleasure in firing people. Before I took the position, people were warning me not to take it.”

It sounds like Ellen’s first show back isn’t going to be all comedy and dancing, but more apologizing and bowing and scraping.

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Lastly some loooong overdue Good News …

After infesting the airwaves for what feels like an eternity in Hell, but has really been Lucky 13 years, Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes is Kancelled!

Oh, don’t despair, that Klan will be back. They just realized they could make many more Koins on some streaming service and told E! to kiss their ginormous asses. I mean, c’mon, it takes a lot of money to keep them in Botox and fillers and Cher’s old Las Vegas showgirl costumes.

Plus, there’s that whole Deal with the Devil that That Woman made thirteen years back and clearly Satan has come a’callin’ for his Koins.

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Bobservations

Carlos and I have an ongoing joke-battle about the kinds of TV shows we each watch. He likes a lot of what I call The Nerd Shows—How It’s Made, Monster Ship, Contact, etc.—while I like dramas and scary shows and what he calls Stupid Tv—like most, but not all, Real Housewives shows. Not that they aren’t all stupid, it’s that I don’t watch all Housewives franchises. New Jersey? Atlanta? Fuhgeddaboudit.

One show we agree on is Jeopardy, and this week, watching an episode, a question in the category ‘Ferdinand’ was this one:

“With a pick axe blow in 1859 Ferdinand de Lesseps began construction of this.”

And I quickly answered:

“The Suez Canal.”

And I was correct. So, I paused the show and said to Carlos:

“You know how I knew that? Well, on one of the Stupid TV shows I watch, way back about ten years ago, was The Real Housewives of New York, and Luann, the Countess de Lesseps was one of the housewives and told the story of how one of her husband’s grandfather built the Suez Canal!

“Not so Stupid TV now is it?”

Sometimes, rarely, but sometimes, Stupid TV is a better educational tool than Nerd TV.

Just sayin’.

I’ve had a crush on actor Tuc Watkins since he was on One Life to Life a hundred years ago, and I find actor Andrew Rannells brilliantly funny and talented.

And I love the fact that these two are a new couple, who’ve announced their Coupledom via social media.

I find them adorable. I find Tuc’s pecs adorable, too.

Speaking of adorable, Jacksonville Jaguars rookie quarterback Gardner Minshew has received a $1 million offer from adult cam website Cam Soda because Minshew is ALLEGEDLY known for doing his pre-game stretching in a jock strap or nude and Cam Soda would like to film it.

And I’d like to sign up for it.

The day the transcript of _____’s call to the Ukrainian president was released, the White House emailed talking points to allies of the president; talking points meant to show that he isn’t the biggest lying cheating traitor ever.

But, since this is the _____ White House, and shit hits the fan at a record pace, the email was also sent to many, many House Democrats who are set to start an impeachment inquiry.

Seriously? This White House is the hottest mess ever!

I didn’t do an Emmys recap because half the shows that are nominated or win I have never seen because we don’t do Netflix and Hulu and Amazon and whatever other streaming channels exist. And, also, the show as boooooooring, except for this …

Kim Kardastrophe and her sister Kendall Jenner were to present an award and instead, well, this happened: the Category was Reality TV Host and Kim started by saying:

"Our family knows first-hand how truly compelling television comes from real people, just being themselves."

And before Kendall could recite her lines, the audience … laughed.

Kardastrophes. Real TV. Bwahahahahaha. And boy did Kim look confused, while Kendall looked pissed.

I kept backing up the DVR and listening, and laughing, again and again.

Don’t hold your breath that this will turn out the way it’s written, but NBC has acquired a comedy about a gay father and son from writers Nick Lehmann and Matt Hubbard.

This new show, called Like Son, Like Father will center on Nick, an out and proud gay man, who finds himself in the unenviable position of being his newly out father’s gay mentor and roommate.

I won’t hold my breath that the show will run as written because NBC has a history of “straightening” gay characters, as they did a few years ago with Rise, a story inspired by high-school teacher Lou Volpe, who was closeted and eventually came out later in life. In the NBC show they made the character straight because, well, some bullshit reason about stories because, you know, we gays don’t have stories.

Just sayin’ NBC.

Alaska now joins Nevada, South Carolina and Kansas in cancelling the GOP presidential primary in 2020 because they don’t want to annoy, bother, make fun, show the world that some Republicans hate,_____.

So, if you’re a Republican in those states and you want to cast a vote for anyone one else, the GOP is taking your vote away.

How wonderful for you, eh?

Bruno Endler. He’s a Brazilian model with a face to die for … I mean look at that profile!

And Bruno can wear a suit, even a birthday suit, better than anyone else.

And he can rock the briefs. Thanks Bruno, I needed that.

Just sayin'.

It's Snarkurday!

I’ve often called Helen Mirren the ‘British Meryl Streep’ …or, Streep is the ‘American Mirren.’ Now, however, we have an ‘American Hugh Grant’ in Owen Wilson, a confirmed bachelor who has fathered two sons with two different women.

A la Grant, who recently married one of his Baby Mama’s.

And now it appears Wilson has ALLEGEDLY fathered another child with a third woman and is undergoing a paternity test to see if he is the daddy.

Well, sperm donor. Wilson shares his 7-year-old son, Robert, with his ex-girlfriend Jade Duell, and is also the father of 4-year-old son Finn, with another ex, Caroline Lindqvist, and will no doubt be in this child’s life if Maury opens that envelope and proves he is the father.

But, um, Owen, howsabout not having a slew of children with a slew of women, because you cannot be a full-time daddy to three children by three different women. M’kay?

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Well, there is one anonymous Hollywood publicist who offers one piece of serious advice to his female clients: avoid John Mayer.

Sidenote: I think everyone should heed that advice.

Mayer, who’s dated Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston, Taylor Swift, and Katy Perry, is known to be “manipulative,” according to the mysterious PR flack.  Mayer once actually claimed that he didn’t sleep with women of color because his dick was racist and yet he still managed to get girls. The publicist says:

“I tell women in Hollywood to steer clear of him. He’s manipulative. He has a reputation … and it’s better to exercise caution dealing with anybody who kisses and tells.”

And tell and tell and tell and, a la Swifty, write songs about it. Mayer has said that he loved “sexual napalm” Jessica Simpson, has ridiculed Aniston for wanting him to pay as much attention to her as he did to his phone, and, yes, he’s a Taylor Swift song.

Like I said, the world should steer clear.

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Oh Madge, stop; just stop.

This week Madonna and her legal team were told to stop trying to obtain records from the neighbors in her Upper West Side co-op in NYC. It seems Madge stands accused of “harassing” her neighbors by continuing to seek records from the co-op board after losing a lawsuit.

Madonna sued her building, Harperley Hall in 2016 claiming that, because she’s always traveling the world, there was no way she could be in her condo all the time to satisfy the new rules against non-homeowners using the condo. The case got tossed because Madge filed too late and, since Madge doesn’t like being told what to do, so tried to dig up board records including voting information and annual meeting minutes to “investigate how her lease was changed” and “how her family may use Unit 7A without breaching the lease.”

Well, a judge has put the kibosh on Madge trying to harass her neighbors into getting that information:

 “Plaintiff [Madge] does not need those materials anymore to prove a case that, by law, she is no longer allowed to prove.”

In other words, Madge, we’re done.

Take a seat and follow the rules or, as Judge Judy would say:

"Uh, moooooove!”.

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Meanwhile onto other diva news, and by diva, I mean the weave and ass shaking, the lip-syncing, the sell your soul for coins loving, Beyoncé.

This week, while touring with current husband—you know this shiz won’t last—Jay-Z, the stage fucked up, and the only way for Bey to get down was from a ladder. And Bey doesn’t know how ladder works.

Seriously. The Carters were in Warsaw and one of the moving stages had clearly had enough of the gyrating while mouthing the words to her songs and took a break. And the only way for Bey to get down from the stage was if she hiked a leg and went down the ladder her assistants propped against the broken set piece.

And she wasn’t happy, though she pasted ion that trademarked Beyoncé smile™ and, after several minutes of people telling her she’d be fine, she finally hiked her leg up and descended the ladder held steady by about ten minions.

Seriously? Bitch doesn’t know how to use a ladder?

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We already mentioned her once, back in that John Mayer mess, so let’s dish on Jessica Simpson, who’s made a fortune selling shoes but understands her singing and acting career … and that makes me giggle … career …are all but over.

Word on the street is that Simpson has lost all motivation for life, along with husband Eric Johnson, stay home boozing and eating all the time. A source—and you know it’s Jessica herself—says:

“She feels like her acting career over, she’s aged out of Hollywood, and too fat. She doesn’t want to work out like she did before for roles … [She and Eric] rarely leave their huge mansion. And have everything delivered, no matter what it is!”

Now that may seem farfetched …especially the ‘aged out’ of Hollywood part because everyone knows she’s no actress, but what about that singing career? Simpson was ALLEGEDLY offered a Las Vegas residency, but would have had to lose weight for and she didn’t want to do that, so she declined.

And stayed home and ordered pizza.

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The Kardastrophe-Jenners have fired another influential behind-the-scenes person in their entourage: their longtime makeup artist Joyce Bonelli. A statement, no doubt released by That Woman, says:

“The family doesn’t speak to her anymore. She hasn’t worked for them for months. They just stopped working with her because they didn’t see it as a right fit anymore.”

And to make their point, every single Kardastrophe has stopped following Bonelli on Instagram.

The shock! But now the truth comes out … things turned sour last year, when Bonelli ALLEGEDLY “tried to go around them on a deal so the Kardastrophes wouldn’t make money off of it.”

Well, of course, it’s about the coins. How dare one of their employees make money off their name? I mean, they owe Satan a buttload of cash for making them famous. And by ‘Satan,’ I mean, That Woman.

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Mo’Nique has been battling with her Precious director Lee Daniels ever since that movie came out … almost ten years ago.

Damn, girl can hold a grudge. She famously claimed she was blackballed from Hollywood by Daniels for not “playing the game” by demanding to be paid for promoting the film for which she won an Oscar.

Daniels clapped back by saying Mo’Nique had too many “demands” and then Mo’Nique doubled down by adding Oprah and Tyler Perry to the list of people who treated her shabbily.

And now Daniels, who holds a grudge almost as tightly as Mo’Nique spoke again about their feud and asked Mo’Nique to stop blaming him, Oprah, and Tyler Perry for her career crash-and-burn, especially since Lee helped her win that Oscar:

“It breaks my heart that she feels that we blackballed her. No one blackballed her. Mo’Nique blackballed her. And for her to continue to talk about Oprah and myself and Tyler is disrespectful and, yeah, that hurt … I don’t understand her motive. I don’t get it. I really don’t … For her to think that I could do anything but, I don’t know, I don’t, like, it ain’t even worth the conversation. Like, she needs to shut up.”

Daniels oughta take his own advice and whenever Mo’Nique’s name comes up, simply say nothing. I mean, nothing ends a public feud faster than saying nothing. But Mo’Nique has already said she will never stop talking:

“The truth only goes away if we stop talking and y’all and I ain’t gonna stop talking and Lee Daniels, you shut up.”

Seriously? This has devolved into ‘You shut up!’ ‘No, you shut up.’?

Howsabout you both shut up?

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Guy Pearce is the latest person to spill the beans … twenty years later … about Kevin Spacey’s predilection for roaming groping hands.

If you recall, last year Gabriel Byrne revealed that Spacey caused shooting on The Usual Suspects to shut down because of his inappropriate sexual behavior and now Pearce says Spacey got “handsy” with him on the set of L.A. Confidential:

“Amazing actor; incredible actor. Mmm. Slightly difficult time with Kevin, yeah. He’s a handsy guy.”

Mild shade, until Pearce added:

“Thankfully, I was 29 and not 14.”

As a reminder, 14 is how old Anthony Rapp was when Kevin ALLEGEDLY molested him.

So, I’ll say it: I hope authorities come after Spacey with the same vengeance with which they’re gone after Weinstein because he deserves to be punished for being a sexual predator.

UPDATE:

Scotland Yard is investigating 3 more possible sexual assaults by Kevin Spacey:

“Between February and April of this year, police received allegations that the American actor sexually assaulted men in London and Gloucester. This brings the number of claims against Spacey being investigated by London police to six – five complaints of sexual assault and one of assault. The police have not confirmed the name of the person being investigated. Two of the latest allegations are said to have occurred in London – Westminster (1996) and Lambeth (2008) – and the third in Gloucester (2013).”

Perfect.

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It's Snarkurday!

Blac Chyna first came for Rob and his Sock Money and now she’s set her sights on all the Kardastrophes.

Chyna—real name Angela White—filed a new lawsuit this week against her ex-fiancé Rob Kardashian—as well as his mother, That Woman, and his sisters Kim, Khloe, Kourtney, Kendall and Kylie—over claims of assault, battery, domestic violence, defamation and interference with prospective economic relations ... meaning they tried to stop her from making her coins. Chyna’s suit claims:

“Rob Kardashian is an abuser intent on destroying Angela White, the mother of his baby, who left him in 2016. In revenge, the Kardashian-Jenner family became media predators, slut-shaming her on social media and killing her hit television show [“Rob & Chyna”], which had already begun filming a second season.”

Um, hold up Chyna, so you mean to say that even though you and Rob broke up and you sued him for custody and support you still wanted to do your TV show with him? Gurl, bye.

Chyna, who was the victim of Rob’s revenge porn this summer, says she created a new social media account to quell any damage:

“‘He stressed me out my ENTIRE PREGNANCY!!! Accusing me of cheating, going crazy on me with massive text blast daily! being an absolute lunatic & then covering it up with gifts! I was verbally abused every other day.'”

And yet you wanna film a show with him? Gurl, please.

Chyna is ALLEGING Rob physically abused her, “violently knocking” her to the ground during one past instance when she tried to call her other child’s father, Tyga.

And you’d like to continue working with this man? Gurl. Gurrrrrrrl.

In addition to the battery and harassment claims, Chyna says the Kardastrophes “intentionally interfered” with the show “Rob & Chyna” so E! wouldn’t bring it back for a second season, which “harmed” Chyna “personally, professionally and financially.”

See, it’s about the coins, always and only. She really is a Kardastrophe, if only by giving birth to one of their spawn.

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Megyn Kelly, former Fox Blond, is finding out that she’s not really all that and a bag of chips. I know she figured she could parlay being _____’s Twitter Punching Bag into a solid career at a real news outlet, but it just isn’t happening for her.

It seems Kelly isn’t the Popular Girl she thought she was and, as people and critics have discovered, her new show, as part of Today’s four-hour morning stint, kinda sucks. And it’s about to get, well, suckier, as more and more celebrities are refusing to appear on TV with Kelly.

According to Variety, one high-powered publicist said she would be thrilled to book her clients on any part of The Today Show, except Megyn Kelly’s part:

“I’m not booking anyone on her show. I literally haven’t pitched anyone even from right out the gate. The buzz that is out there is so bad.”

To be fair, Megyn shouldn’t have expected to get big name guests in the first place because her show was always a bit of a gamble; it was shilled out to big publicity firms as a “lighter, more inspirational” Megyn Kelly. And most people were all:

“What? Huh? Who?”

And, as a result, only a few celebrities agreed to appear, at the beginning, and now that number is dwindling.

Debra Messing had appeared with the cast of the rebooted Will & Grace but found the experience so distasteful she won’t return; that was the show where Kelly asked a gay man if W&G “made” him gay. And Jane Fonda went on to discuss a new film while Kelly tried to corner her about her plastic surgery; I saw the look Fonda gave Kelly at the line of questioning and I’m surprised she didn’t turn into a ball of flames on the spot.

NBC, for their part, are assuring people, the public and advertisers, that they have no problem booking she show; they pint to the fact that Miles Teller is coming on as an example.

I know, who? I see a long future as a Midwestern weathergirl in Kelly’s future.

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As we know Kathy Griffin won’t be invited to the White House by this president—or probably any president—and she won’t be giving Andy Cooper the Giggle Fits on CNN this New Years Eve, and has apparently lost other gigs too as a result of her idiotically stupid decision to post a photo of herself holding the severed head of Donald _____.

And she’s still whining about the jobs she’s lost because of that choice she made ... taking to Facebook to show how The Hollywood Reporter [THR] took back their invite for her to speak at its annual Women in Entertainment Power 100 event this year. Kathy posted the email THR sent asking her to deliver the opening remarks at the breakfast:

“I’ve attended this event numerous times, including last year when they honored Megyn Kelly (and yeah…I playfully flipped her the bird when she continued to praise _____). I was honored to FINALLY have my chance to take the mic at an event I admired and to address my peers directly. Unfortunately, they rescinded my offer and I am no longer invited to speak. I do not buy their official reasoning and I believe ‘the word has been put out’ on me. I can’t help but take this as another occasion where Hollywood is blacklisting a woman and silencing her.”

Well, THR has the right to invite, and disinvite, whomever they choose, for whatever reason they choose, but let’s be clear: the invitation to Griffin was rescinded four days after Kathy entered an AIDS fundraiser in L.A. wearing a _____ mask and flipping off the audience.

Hey Kathy, why don’t you grow up and stop this nonsense. You took the photo, thought it was funny until the backlash, then you apologized, and yet now you’re trying to ride that for more free press?

Get a job somewhere else, and stop playing the victim. That is so D-List.

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So ... Kevin Can Wait star Kevin James is up next to explain why the producers of his comedy show decided to kill off his character’s wife.

When the show ended its first season, it was announced that Kevin’s TV wife Donna—played by Erinn  Hayes—was going to die during reruns, and that season two would find a new leading lady for Kevin: his wife from his first TV show, The King of Queens, Leah Remini, because Leah was better for ratings.

But Kevin James says that’s not true ... he says they killed Donna “to give life to new storylines”:

“It really felt like a thing like this was needed for this show to drive forward. Now, I have to deal with my daughter in a different way, and she’s gonna go to college, or one’s getting married, or the holidays. And it deals with things in a different, weightier way.”

Yeah, I’m calling bull shiz because of a couple of things:

Number One: nothing says comedy like having your wife die, and ...

B: if that was the case then why bring Leah back?

Um, because it’s better for ratings, better for dollars, better for the show. Everybody knows that Kevin.

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I’m sure you know that Dance Moms villain Abby Lee Miller has given up the dance studio for prison, right? I mean she was jailed for tax evasion or fraud or maybe just for being a TV bitch, I don’t know.

But what I do know is that she is less liked in prison than she was while she was free. It seems her fellow inmates have barred the 51-year-old former reality show “star” from performing in their upcoming Fall Festival because they’re “fed up” with her bad attitude!

A source—and it could be Roxie Hart—says:

“Aside from the few friends that she’s paid off with commissary cash, the majority of the women think she is a narcissistic bitch!”

Whoops! Abby’s buying friends with ciggies and tampons? You’d think she would have used those goods to get herself a starring role in the festival.

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She may be gone, but Carrie Fisher still knows how to serve ... In the wake of the Weinstein Scandal comes the story of the time her friend, actress Heather Ross, who says she was once invited to dinner by an “Oscar-winning producer” who he picked her up in his car and then, during the drive, pulled over, climbed on top of her and pinned her down. She was able to push him off and as she escaped he yelled:

“You’ll never make a movie in my town and get the fuck out of my car.”

Heather told Carrie about it and Carrie, who doesn’t take assholery lightly, decided to do something about it ... Heather says:

“About two weeks later, she sent me a message online and she said, ‘I just saw [blank] at Sony Studios. I knew he would probably be there, so I went to his office and personally delivered a Tiffany box wrapped with a white bow.  I asked her what was inside and she said, ‘It was a cow tongue from Jerry’s Famous Deli in Westwood with a note that said, ‘If you ever touch my darling Heather or any other woman again, the next delivery will be something of yours in a much smaller box!’”

God I love Carrie Fisher.

I mean, who else would deliver a tongue in a Tiffany’s box with the BEST.NOTE.EVER?

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