The Funny Papers

Clay Bennett, Steve Breen, Mike Luckovich, Ed Hall, Marc Murphy, Bill Bramhall, Michael de Adder, JD Crowe, Nick Anderson, Jack Ohman, Darrin Bell, Deb Milbrath, RandallEnos, Kevin Siers, Peter Kuper, 

Bobservations

We have delegated some of the chores around casa bob y Carlos; I take care of what goes into the cats, while Carlos takes care of what comes out of them … at either end. I do the laundry; Carlos cleans the bathrooms. We both cook; we both clean; we both do the yards.

But this is why Carlos does not is not allowed to do laundry: he doesn’t know from a full load. I came home from work the other day and, while he was cooking dinner, I said I’d start some laundry.

“Oh, I started it already.”

“WHAT? DID YOU … IS THERE … WHAT?”

“I was doing the towels so I decided to help with the laundry so you wouldn’t have to do it after work.”

And help he did… he took the towels and then dug through the clothes hamper for his ratty yard work shorts, at-shirt that had the sleeves cut off and was permanently stained with …something …and a pair of his socks. He bypassed all of the other clothes and anything of mine, for that particular outfit of his.

Towels. Ratty jeans. Ratty shirt. Socks.

And he helped.

Goddess, I adore that man.

With all these state legislatures trying to pass these voter suppression bills, they are the perfect place to start voting out the RepubliQAnons.

Remember Boozy and Clod, that white St Louis couple who channeled their inner mobsters and waved guns art the Black Lives Matter protesters who dared walk through their neighborhood?

Well, Boozy, AKA Patricia McCloskey, pleaded guilty to misdemeanor harassment and was fined $2,000, while Clod, AKA Mark McCloskey, pleaded guilty to misdemeanor fourth-degree assault and was fined $750.

Clod, who announced in May that he was running for a US Senate seat in Missouri, was unapologetic after the hearing:

“I’d do it again.”

Racists say what?

Dear Americans

Stop using the phrase ‘full stop’ when you speak and want to punctuate the end of a sentence. You aren’t British, it doesn’t make you smart, and it annoys me. Full stop.

And I’m lookin’ at you Meghan McCain.

Fox News host Dan Bongino is the network's version of Chrissy Teigen.

See, Bongino has returned to Twitter after telling his supporters in January that he would be leaving and never returning to the “anti-American” social platform. Bongino even told Twitter to “fuck off” while pledging he would never return to the popular social media site. And now he’s come crawling back like a typical spinless hypocritical wannabe.

You, sir, can truly fuck off.

The GQP doesn’t wanna protect voting.

The GQP doesn’t wanna know what happened on 1/6/2021.

The GQP doesn’t wanna do anything except obstruct the agenda of the president on infrastructure, climate change, healthcare, etc..

The GQP does not want America.

But … the GQP wants you to believe that thousands of Thing 45 supporters showed up on 1/6/2021 to hear him order them to attack the Capitol and take back America, but after his speech they all quietly went home while Antifa and Black Lives Matter protesters donned MAGAt wear and attacked the Capitol.

Seriously. That’s what they want you to believe.

Speaking of Thing 45, did you know he asked the DOJ to look into Saturday Night Live because they were making fun of him.

True.

The My Pillow loon, Mike Lindell, has moved the date of Thing 45's "return to power":

“We’re bringing in all the cyber guys … we’re bringing all the media … we’re going to bring in all senators, governors … legislatures, secretary of states, and every single government official that wants to be there … It’s going to be a worldwide event … and those Supreme Court justices are going to … go 9-0 that this country was attacked. The election is gonna come down.”

This is Lindell’s third time changing the date of Hair Furor’s “return”.

In LGBTQ+ Good News … the Bank of England began circulating a £50 note featuring World War II codebreaker Alan Turing on what would have been the pioneering math genius’ 109th birthday.

Turing is known as the “father of computer science and artificial intelligence,” a war hero and honored by King George VI for helping to defeat the Nazis. Despite all of this, he died a disgraced “criminal”—because he was gay. 

This is the first time that a gay man is featured on a British bank note.

It’s about time.

Adam Phillips is a tall British drink of water with some gorgeous eyes and a handsome face and a love for posing in his underwear.

Or sometimes in suits that he likes to strip off. In clothes, out of clothes; yes ma’am!

The Funny Papers

RJ Matson, Dave Whamond, Ed Wexler, Jack Ohman, Phil Hands, Clay Bennett, Nick Anderson, Michael de Adder, Matt Wuerker, David Horsey, Mike Luckovich, Ed Hall, Bill Bramhall, Adam Zyglis, Marc Murphy

Bobservations

Carlos is a little lost with the iPhone. Every couple of days he’ll ask me how to do this or that; how to edit a photo, share a photo; hot to get an app. But, because he’s Carlos, the one thing he figured out on his own was how to change Siri’s gender and place of origin. His Siri is no longer some innocuous pleasant-sounding women, but an English gentleman, and this provides me hours of fun.

Carlos, when he can’t find his phone, calls out for Siri, and I usually respond in my own English accent:

“Sod off, ya bloody wanker, I’m right where you left me.”

But the best was the night Carlos hummed a melody and asked me the name of the song; now, while he’s musical, his signing-humming voice is less than perfect and I had no idea the tune; so, he held up Siri and asked her him, and he responded:

“I don’t know what you’re asking of me.”

Carlos was not amused and asked again and got the same response, and it was hard to tell who was angrier …Carlos or Lord Siri.

To be fair, the “essential workers” in Tuxedo’s life are the ones who put food in his dish, who let him nap of the table on the deck after a walkabout in the yard, and who hold him on their shoulders so he can sleep. But, then again, he’s always grateful.

After his breakup with Jennifer Lopez—and her mad dash to ReBoot Affleck—Alex Rodriguez is going for a glow up by teaming with Hims & Hers—the beauty company he and JLo invested in before busting up—to develop the brand’s first makeup for men:

“I wanted to create a product that solved an issue I faced every day. I realized as I was jumping from meeting to meeting, I needed something quick and easy in my routine to conceal blemishes or razor bumps.”

I think he stayed too long at the JLo.

Tim Keller, mayor of Albuquerque, New Mexico, put up a joke sign given to him by “The Daily Show” refusing checks from Thing #45:

“Just to clarify, we would accept one check from him for the amount of roughly $200,000 for services rendered.”

Keller says the city never received $200,000 it tried to charge his campaign for a rally he hosted during his presidency because … grifters gonna grift.

I had a dream the other night that Kim Kardastrophe and I shared a storage space and she was trying to get me to get my stuff out of it. That’s all.

Before leaving office, Barack Obama gave Thing #45 a warning about Michael Flynn.

Not surprisingly, Thing #45 ignored him, and made Flynn his National Security Adviser, and then fired him  for lying to Pence, after which Flynn pled guilty to lying to the FBI, before Thing #45 pardoned him. And since then, Flynn literally took the QAnon oath, has become increasingly unhinged about COVID, which he thinks was invented to help steal the 2020 election.

How did this ass become a general? Was he always an insane fuck or did he lose his mind? And to think the virus was created so Joe Biden could be elected President? If that was true, why didn’t the former guy attack the thing even harder and save the world and thus fund himself reelected?

Crazy fucker.

Has anyone else noticed that not one person in the country has said they miss Michael Elizabeth Pence? That speaks volumes about his political future.

It seems Texas Governor Greg Abbott, a Republican because of course, knew about the  looming natural gas shortages before a deep freeze plunged much of the state into blackouts a few months back, but did nothing while people died except to blame windmills.

Texas? For the love of the goddess, do better and remove this fool from office.

The co-worker who hoards gas and toilet paper told me this week that I didn’t need to wear the mask. I told her that, yes, outside, away from people, I don’t, but inside, where social distancing is hard, I do, until I’ve had my second prick.

And then this bitch tells me she has been vaccinated twice—though she never ever mentioned she was getting the vaccine—and said I was safe. I asked to see her vaccine card and she told me she didn’t have to show it. I reminded her that if she really had one, she wouldn't mind showing it.

Next up: socially distancing from the fucking stupid cuz there’s no vaccine for that!

I don't follow her on Twitter, because ...dumb, but I did see a Lauren Boebert Tweet where she announced that her was “Patriot”.

I replied: 

And it's spelled 'f-u-c-k-i-n-g i-d-i-o-t"

And it is.

It took the GQP leaders McCarthy and McConnell over five days to condemn Marjorie Taylor Greene for saying that wearing a mask is the same as sending Jews to the gas chamber. Let that sink in.

Another mass shooting in America, this time in San Jose. That’s all. I have no comment because those people in power don’t give  flying fuck about gun control as long as their pockets are lined with blood money, and the American people don’t seem to want to demand that Congress do something.

Lucas Cruz, another hot male model from España. With those baby blues and that mop of hair, he’s all kinds of dreamy.