The Funny Papers

Clay Bennett, Steve Benson, David Fitzsimmons, Adam Zyglis, Don Landgren, Drew Sheneman, Deb Milbrath, Ed Hall, Mike Luckovich, Kevin Siers, Nick Anderson, David Horsey, RJ Matson, Ann Telnaes, Michael de Adder

They're Everywhere [Though a Lot Are In Florida] ... Part Six

Since they’re still at it, I’m still posting …

FLORIDA

I guess we should let it be known that you can take a gun  into a movie theater, and if another patron won’t get off his cell phone, and you confront him about it, and he tosses popcorn in your face, you can shoot him dead and be found not guilty.

That’s what happened this week to retired Tampa police officer … uh huh … who murdered Chad Oulson eight years ago.

Flori-duh.

ARIZONA

Governor Doug Ducey has no regrets about spending $500,000 to elect a GOP state senator, Wendy Rogers, with open ties to the white nationalist movement because, as he said, it’s still better than having a Democrat in her seat.

Ducey would rather a racist on office than a Democrat because racists stick together.

 FLORIDA

New statewide requirements on how race is discussed in schools, colleges and workplaces were approved by the Florida House this past week.

The legislation—which still needs Senate approval before going to DeSantis, who is certain to sign it into law—prohibits any teaching that could make students feel they bear personal responsibility for historic wrongs because of their race, color, sex or national origin.

I believe it’s the White Fragility Law.

Oh, and fuck Flori-duh.

UNITED STATES

Thing 45 recently launched Truth Social as a stand against censorship and for Free Speech.

Within hours they had already banned a used for creating an account called @DevinNunesCow.

Free Speech unless you hurt Devin Nunes’ feelings.

OKLAHOMA

Oklahoma Attorney General John O’Connor is reviewing dozens of books found in public school libraries to determine whether they violate state obscenity law. Books like … Of Mice and Men and Lord of the Flies … and newer titles that cover LGBTQ and social justice issues.

In 2018, O’Connor was nominated by Thing 45 to the federal bench but he did not get a hearing after the American Bar Association rated him “not qualified” on the grounds of “professional competence and integrity.”

He was appointed Oklahoma Attorney General in July 2021 by GOP Governor Kevin Stitt and immediately joined a suit to block Biden’s vaccine mandates.

Oklahoma, not okay.

FLORIDA

In an 11-point plan outlining the future agenda of the GOP, Senator Rick Scott proposes banning all government collection of racial data. The proposal would also remove all data on race from the US Census Bureau’s next population count in 2030.

He wants to erase the races in this country.

OHIO

Senate candidates Josh Mandell, a Republican, Morgan Harper, Democrat, participated in a debate last week and things got, um, interesting.

Mandel declared that “the only country on the whole planet where Africans were not brought as slaves” was the “Jewish state of Israel.”

Israel declared its independence in 1948.

Harper refused to shake Mandel’s hand after it was over because stupid is also a virus.

TEXAS

January 6 rioter Jenna Ryan claims that she was denied “basic human needs” while in jail over charges related to the Capitol attack.

What was she denied? Basic needs like “sunshine, phone, food.”

And she claims she was tortured in prison … possibly because she couldn’t access her Instagram.

Get educated and save yourselves from The Stupids.

CAST A GODDAMNED VOTE. 

I Didn't Say It

Sean Hannity, Fox “News”,  promoting partisanship because fucking the Democrats is more important to him than fixing this country:

“The Democrats own the House and the Senate and the White House. No Republican should be a part—they’re not going to let you in on the negotiations. This is a partisan spending bill, the likes of which this country has never seen. You cannot call yourself a conservative or even a Republican and work in conjunction with the Democrats and support this bill or raising the debt ceiling, which allows them to spend the money that they want to allocate in this bill.”

So, he wants one way or no way. How does that benefit We The People? Raising the debt ceiling is relevant to paying PAST bills—those from Thing 45—not future bills—under President Biden—so the Republicans are refusing to pay the bills they are responsible for creating.

Typical GOP hypocrisy.

PS Mitch McConnell has voted to raise the debt ceiling thirty-two times, but now suddenly he doesn’t think it’s a good idea.

Fucking traitorous hypocrite.

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Mario Murillo, megachurch “pastor” calling God a murderer, and earning a wild ovation from his “Christian” followers:

“Somebody help me! It’s coming! The judgment of those who would destroy America is coming! Shout! Shout! Shout! America, God is looking at you right now. And I’m telling you, your atheism isn’t gonna stick. Your wokeism isn’t gonna stick. Your Satanism isn’t gonna stick. Your communism isn’t gonna stick. Because there is a God that answers by fire. I’m gonna try it again and see what’s happened. God is saying, it’s our turn now!”

Yes, he’s suggesting to his shrieking minions, that God will kill atheist and communists and woke people.

I don’t think Mario Murillo would know God if She stood right in front of him and tried slapping some sense into him.

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Liz Cheney, GOP Congressperson from Wyoming, saying she was wrong for opposing same-sex marriage in 2013:

“I was wrong. I love my sister very much. I love her family very much, and I was wrong. It’s a very personal issue and very personal for my family. I believe that my dad was right and my sister and I have had that conversation.”

Of note, however, is that Liz Cheney voted against the Equality Act this year so she’s not a true LGBTQ+ ally.

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Mary Cheney, posting to Facebook about her sister’s change of art:

“I love my sister very much and am so proud of her. It took a ton of courage to admit that she was wrong back in 2013 when she opposed marriage equality. That is something few politicians would ever do. I have nothing but respect and admiration for the strength of character she continues to show on a daily basis … and as her sister—I have one more thing that I just have to say: I told you so.”

I don’t think it took a ton of courage. It took eight years. It took the Supreme Court. Liz Cheney has just accepted the truth after eight years.

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Doug Ducey, Arizona GOP governor, on that idiotic audit:

“When it comes to the audit, like the three audits that preceded it, it’s now over. The outcome stands and the 2020 election in Arizona is over.”

Typical Republican, saying what most of America already knows after his party spent months and millions trying to rewrite history with a Big Lie.

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Tammy Bruce, Fox News hack, playing the climate change denying card:

“Look, leftism infects every single institution it infiltrates. Nothing is too sacred for the left to use to advance its agenda. Even as Americans face the devastation of Hurricane Ida, the Democrats didn’t see the need for empathy, but they did see an opportunity for political grifting by blaming it on climate change and using it to ask for more infrastructure money.”

I guess a hurricane that devastated both Louisiana, in the southern US, and New Jersey, in the northeast, doesn’t prove climate change to this tool?

And, when these climate catastrophes occur roads, bridges, tunnels, power grids, homes and businesses are destroyed, we don’t need better stronger infrastructure?

Let the levees break, Tammy, is that your plan?

Take a seat; your special brand of stupid is unnecessary.

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The Funny Papers

Ann Telnaes, JD Crowe Ed Hall, David Horsey, Michael de Adder, Matt Wuerker, Darrin Bell, Deb Milbrath, David Fitzsimmons, Mike Luckovich, Dave Whamond, Nick Anderson, Adam Zyglis, Clay Bennett, Jack Ohman, 

ISBL Asshat of the Week: Arizona Homophobe Doug Ducey

Arizona’s Republican governor, and asshat, Doug Ducey, says he is “against discrimination in all its forms” …except for The Gays; anti-LGBTQ+ discrimination is just fine with him because there are too many laws already.

Arizona already has laws on the books prohibiting discrimination based on things like race and gender and national origin and religion and there’s just no room on the books for new laws to protect Arizonans based on their sexual orientation and gender identity.

Of course, LGBTQ people aren’t protected in 28 other states either, but in Arizona it’s apparently because the governor doesn’t want any more laws, so LGBTQ people? Too bad.

Ducey was responding to that recent ruling by the Supreme Court of Arizona in which a couple of homophobes, Joanna Duka and Breanna Koski , sued the state to be allowed to discriminate against LGBTQ Americans—see my original post HERE—because, according to the court  every American has the right to “express their beliefs in public,” which “includes the right to create and sell words, paintings, and art that express a person’s sincere religious beliefs.”

Like invitations, cuz that’s what Duka and Koski sell. And Doug Ducey praised the ruling:

“The court was able to find a place where they could respect the First Amendment and religious freedom. And we’ll continue to be a state, because it was so narrowly decided, that doesn’t accept discrimination in these forums. I’m against discrimination in all its forms.”

And yet he refuses to add sexual orientation and gender identity to the list of protected classes in his state, so clearly, since he’s against discrimination, Ducey thinks LGBTQ people are less than human, led than other people. And that’s been made clear because Doug  Ducey has not only opposed marriage equality but he’s against domestic partnerships as well.

Much like a certain bigot in the White House, homophobe and asshat Doug Ducey packed the state supreme court with anti-LGBTQ+ conservatives after expanded the size of the court, allowing him to appoint justices that would further the same hate-filled agenda he has fought for most of his career.

He says Arizona has too many laws, but he clearly has no problem having laws allowing LGBTQ Arizonans who pay taxes, own businesses, serve in the military and contribute to our economy to be discriminated against.

Seriously, Arizona, you can do better than this, can’t you?

Doug Ducey, an old school gay hating homophobic family values Christian conservative who says he hates discrimination while praising it and doing it is our Asshat of the Week.

Out

Bobservations

One morning this week, I was in our home office and Carlos comes into tell me of yet another reason the Conservatives will be freaking out: male dancers with the professional sports teams. Not cheerleaders, but dancers.

I started to say something about how that might not exactly rile up the conservatives and Carlos said:

‘And some of them are really hot.”

Now we know the real reason behind his story.

PS Carlos loves American Ninja Warriors because, he says, the men must be in amazing physical shape to compete; then, of course, he adds:

“Some of them are really hot.”

Are you sensing a theme?

The GOP is all abuzz that Paul Ryan will be resigning soon. And, in case you thought that was just wishful thinking, think about how shortly after the rumor broke Paul Ryan put out an official statement denying a press report that Republicans were saying that he was getting ready to resign.

Uh huh. Bye Felicia.

Earlier this year the LGBTQ community of Starkville, Mississippi planned a Pride parade, but the alderman in the city put the kibosh on a Queer Celebration. Then the LGBTQ community filed a federal lawsuit against the city of Starkville and there was a revote, a 3-3 deadlock that was broken after Mayor Lynn Spruill voted in favor of the parade.

So, last Saturday Starkville held their Pride parade and it was the biggest parade in the city’s history, with over 3,000 people flooding downtown Starkville for the first ever LGBTQ Pride parade.

Mayor Spruill has been a vocal LGBTQ supporter and praised the turnout made possible by the high level of attention brought to the situation:

“I never expected to have this many people. Somewhere between 2,500 and 3,000 people and this would never have happened if we didn’t have the controversy, so I’m almost grateful for the controversy in the sense it became something more than it ever would have been and it became something we can be very proud of, with no issues associated with it.”

Congrats, Starkville, for your Pride.

From the Rightwingnuts and NRA Lapdogs Are Lying Pigs file comes the story of Parkland shooting survivor Emma Gonzalez being pictured ripping the US Constitution into pieces.

Conservatives, gun nuts, asshats, morons, douchebags and idiots all over posted and reposted the picture except …

What? It was faked!

The original photo was from a Teen Vogue story from last week featuring Gonzalez, and other teen activists, ripping a target poster, not the Constitution.

Teen Vogue chief content officer, Phillip Picardi, set the record straight on Twitter:

"The fact that we even have to clarify this is proof of how democracy continues to be fractured by people who manipulate and fabricate the truth."

Rightwingnutted fake news spreaders and liars.

I would now like to thank all the “Family Values Voters” who still support _____for finally admitting that their moral outrage at Democrats over the last thirty years was total bullshit.

See, to the conservatives, being married three times and cheating on all of your wives with multiple parties is just fine.

And then you have evangelicals saying that _____’s affairs and bad behavior are between him and his “God,” yet these same evangelicals were all up in my business when I wanted to marry my husband.

Fuck off, asshats.

Speaking of Asshats and the GOP, Indiana Governor, and Republican, because of course, Eric Holcomb just passed a law that every time a woman seeks medical or psychological treatment she must be quizzed about past abortions.

Failure to disclose past abortions can result in 6 months in jail and $1000 fine.

The GOP cannot keep their hands out of women’s vaginas.

In other GOP hypocrisy, Arizona has about a thousand gun deaths every year, but the governor, Republican because of course, Doug Ducey, opposes universal background checks.

But last week one person was killed by a driver-less Uber automobile, and Ducey suspended Uber from driver-less autonomous testing.

So, he’s more concerned with one person killed by an Uber and doesn’t give a rat’s ass about a thousand gun-related deaths.

Louisiana Attorney General Jeff Landry, a Republican, because of course, announced that Baton Rouge police officers Blane Salamoni and Howie Lake will not be charged in the fatal shooting of Alton Sterling in 2016 because they had “good reason to believe” Sterling was armed and resisting arrest.

You know, cuz he was a black man.

Last weekend I watched a British film called B&B, the story of a gay couple refused a single bed at an English bed-and-breakfast; they sued, and won, and a year later, they return to the B&B to celebrate.

Only they find the owner still homophobic, and the owner’s son a closeted gay boy, and a hot beefy Russian staying at the inn. It gets very convoluted; is the Russian gonna hook up with the gay boy? Is he a gay basher? Are the gay men gonna kill him? Is the father gonna kill all of them? Is the son out to kill his homophobic dad?

Let’s say all of that happened and more, and less. It was a fairly decent film but the leads, from top to bottom, were especially delicious …

Tom Bateman played one half of the gay couple, with Sean Teale as his dreamy husband. James Tratas was the beefy Russian with an agenda … to get me riled up.

Just sayin’.