Why Is It ...

… that people need to accept what’s good in their lives … like me, I’m a f*cking delight.

… that we all have that one friend that we literally have to tell them to ‘be nice’ before we introduce them to a new person; or is that just directed at me.

… that sometimes I want to call into work and say, ‘My mom said I can’t come.’

… that no one realizes that I don’t care if I’m not their cup of tea; I’d rather be gasoline and set shiz on fire.

… that when someone asks me how I sleep at night knowing there are some people out there that don’t like me, I say, ‘I sleep with no underwear on in case they want to kiss me ass.’

… that people need to learn that it’s really important, especially in the morning, to shut up.

… that with so many things coming back into style, I cannot wait until morals and intelligence start trending again.

… that more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the lest you work so stay hydrated and follow me for more work tips.

… that one of my hobbies is having no time for bullsh*t

… that the other day Carlos turned to me and said, ‘I was talking to you and you yawned six times. Am I boring you?” And I said, ‘Those weren’t yawns, they were six unsuccessful attempts to speak.’