It's Snarkurday!

Poor Catherine Zeta-Jones. I’m so glad she’s taken her life back and decided to finally stop feeling bad about being a beautiful rich white woman.

While promoting the Facebook series Queen America … whatever that is … the 48-year-old [?] CZJ is finally taking off the shackles of being humble:

“One thing I’m not is humble any more. I’m sick of being humble. I really am. ‘So sorry I’m rich, so sorry I’m married to a movie star, so sorry I’m not so bad looking. No sorrys. Enough. All that is important to me now is my work. That’s what I love and the rest of my life is a joy because I’ve got two beautiful kids and a healthy, happy husband. It’s all good, and I’m not going to be humble for that either.”

Sorry you’re a self-entitled bitch. Now, go.

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Speaking of going, Liza would like anyone who wants to talk about Renée Zellweger playing her Mama, Judy Garland, in the upcoming Judy, to step aside as she has no time for you.

Recently Radar Online posted a story entitled Renée Zellweger Bonds With Liza Minnelli While Playing Mom Judy Garland In Biopic and Liza decided to Oh Hell no that yarn because, as Mimi once said famously of JLo:

“I don’t know her.”

Liza says:

“I have never met nor spoken to Renee Zellweger… I don’t know how these stories get started, but I do not approve.”

Radar has since removed the story.

Liza didn’t explain why she’s opposed to Judy, but maybe the continued exploitation of her Mama is still too much … or maybe the post was actually written by one Anne Hathaway, who’d hoped to play Judy in her own d-i-sastrous film.

Just sayin’.

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Roseanne Barr is still trying to defend being a racist Twitter troll.

First was the Ambien defense.

Then came the It was a joke defense.

Then there was the idea that she thought Valerie Jarrett was of Saudi and Jewish descent which makes it okay to call her a Muslim ape.

And now this …

“Thomas Muhammad has agreed to speak for me, as he knows the work I have done in civil rights against racism ALL MY LIFE & understands my tweet was about Iran's regime, not race-The website is: http://www.bbunity.com.”

Then she added:

“Rod Serling wrote Planet of The Apes. It was about anti-Semitism. That is what my tweet referred to-the anti-Semitism of the Iran deal. Low IQ ppl can think whatever they want.”

Or people who know a racist tool when they see one.

Go sit by CZJ and wait for the bus to nowhere; you have a seat in the back.

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Clearly this is about keeping the Cosby Coins, but rumor has it that Camille Cosby is finally ready to divorce her sexual predator husband, Bill.

Once upon a time, Camille tried to say the dozens and dozens and dozens of sexual misconduct and rape allegations against her husband were a witch hunt akin to the murder of Emmet Till—yes, she sank that low—but now Camille has apparently left Bill’s side and is staying in their Massachusetts manse all alone …well, alone with her chef, her drivers, and her three grown children.

Bill is staying in Pennsylvania awaiting sentencing.

It smells to me like the divorce is a ploy to get the Jell-O money and hand it to Camille and the kids so when those dozens and dozens of civil suits are filed Mrs. C won’t be a broke-ass b*tch.

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Neil Patrick Harris wasn’t at the Tony Awards last weekend, but he still shot off a series of live Tweets, one of which was one of those Mimi-JLo lines … “I don’t know her” … things aimed at “backstage host” Rachel Bloom. Sadly, the joke fell flat and Bloom wasn’t feeling the NPH hate; she told GQ:

“No, no, no. It wasn’t a joke  … I saw that tweet. And I was kind of devastated. I was actually going to tweet, “This makes me sad.” But then I was like, “Ehhhhhhhhhh … I don’t want to give him that, necessarily.” Look. I’ve met him a couple times. Very recently, backstage in the dressing room of a Broadway show. And we hung out for a solid 15 minutes with the star of this Broadway show. It was just bizarre to me that it wouldn’t ring a bell. And also, that he wouldn’t Google it.”

Oh, and Bloom’s husband was a writer on NPH’s old show How I Met Your Mother And the two have met … several times. But then Bloom threw her own shade back at NPH:

“But look, he’s not a writer, so his version of a Twitter joke is to just kind of … live-comment to Twitter followers with kind of random, unformed thoughts. And fame does that to you—where you think every kind of random, unformed thought is a gem, because you get 10,000 likes from it. “

NPH felt the heat and, of course, Twit-pologized:

“Sincere apologies to @Racheldoesstuff for my Tony tweet. I failed to research her before pressing ‘send’, and what I thought was a funny comment in our living room must have been far from funny to read, backstage, mid show. As a performer and a parent, I should have known better.”

Rachel has accepted his apology and once again all is right in the universe! At least on Broadway!

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Judith Nathan Giuliani is about to quit a bitch … a bitch called Rudy …and she is talking no prisoners.

See, according to Judy, Rudy has ALLEGEDLY been boning one Maria Rosa Ryan since right before he kicked Wife #3 to the curb. Judy filed for divorce five days after Rudy and The Side-Piece were spotted getting cozy at a ­hotel in Maine. No word on whether Maria has filed for divorce, though.

No word on why anyone would ever marry Rudy Giuliani, much less him anywhere near you. I get the skeeves just seeing his picture.

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So, speaking of marriages on the Rocks … the rumor going around is that after 19 years of marriage, Victoria Beckham and David Beckham are done after a rumor broke that Beckham had bent it into one of their daughter’s teachers.

Now, both their reps—they each have their own, nothing to see there—have denied the tryst, and point out that Posh and Becks, and their brood, are set to do a photo shoot for Vogue. And, while that may seem like they’re staying together for the kids, others say they’re staying together for the coins … 500 million of them.

Anyone can have kids, but it takes a lot of work to earn a half-billion dollars and who wants to part with even half of that?

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Oh Jeff Lewis, that mouth of yours.

Lewis, the star of Bravo’s Flipping Out and his partner, Gage Edward, hired a woman to be their surrogate and carry their daughter Monroe. It all worked out fine and made for a Very Special Episode of Flipping Out but … now the surrogate, Alexandra Trent, is suing Jeff and Gage, and she has a mighty fine case.

It seems that the relationship between the Daddy’s and The Surrogate went south after Lewis made an off-color joke about Trent’s vagina while she was giving birth to his child:

“If I was a surrogate, and I had known there was going to be an audience, I probably would have waxed. And that was the shocking part for Gage. I don’t think Gage had ever seen a vagina, let alone one that big.”

So last week, Alexandra Trent filed suit claiming that Lewis and Edward had humiliated her and left her “deeply damaged” by making the “disgusting” comment on the show; she also accused Bravo and Flipping Out producers Authentic Entertainment of filming her vagina without permission, claiming that she had never given consent to have her delivery filmed and that it “caused incredible anguish, self-loathing, contempt and depression.”

I think she has a strong case, though I cannot imagine that she had no idea that Jeff Lewis is kind of a pig who says inappropriately rude things to anyone and everyone all the time.

Still, I sense Jeff Lewis will be a surrogate for Alexandra Trent’s bank account.

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Another shocking marital break-up in Hollywood.

Jenny Garth’s third husband, actor Dave Abrams, has filed for divorce just shy of the second anniversary.

Jennie and Dave met on a blind date in late 2014 and were engaged four months later, then married two months after that, so they’re used to doing things fast … date, proposal, marriage, divorce in under four years!

When Dave filed for divorce he requested that Jennie be denied spousal support though he said that, ahem, “everything is chill” between the splitting up couple and that they would “remain friends.” 

Maybe not; last week Jennie filed a response to Dave’s divorce and asked the court to terminate any ability Dave might have of requesting spousal support, citing that the 37-year-old actor signed a prenuptial agreement.

She still has 90210 coins, you know, and doesn’t want Dave’s greasy hands on them because, well, who the f%k is Dave Abrams? Dave’s acting resume is slim at best; he has played “cool guy” on one episode of 2 Broke Girls and has a few “uncredited” roles …Hollywood-speak for “extra.”

Meanwhile she was Kelly Taylor! Know what I mean?

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Wait, what? Jason Mraz is a bi guy?

Well, the 40-year-old Mraz has been a longtime supporter of the LBGTQ community and recently wrote a love poem to our people for Billboard and Pride Month in which he includes the line:

“I am bi your side.”

Play on words or into more than one gender? Jason’s hinted several times in the past that he’d be fine with trying out a gay … raises hand … and was maybe, kinda, sorta, about dating his gay best friend back in 2005:

“It wasn’t until we were out for dinner on Valentines Day that I realized we both we’re having a very romantic time together. Right before I moved to California he gave me a strong-willed kiss goodbye, which I have never experienced before. Unfortunately, he had a little bit more facial hair than I like.”

Here’s Mraz’s full poem:

“Dear You,
Thank you.
You have inspired me.
Re-wired me.
You showed me what strength is.
You demonstrated courage over and over again.
You risked so much for love.
You never compromised your expression
Even when
Your rights and freedoms were being compromised.
You stood up for me.
You stood up for the world.
And now the world is better because of you.
We still have a long way to go
But know
I am bi your side.
All ways.”

Am I gonna have to head to the warehouse for a toaster oven, Jason?

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Go ahead laugh, but we’ve already elected one dimwitted asshat of a reality star as president so is the idea that one Kim Kardastrophe-West might run for office one day too far-fetched?

Kardastrophe-West recently stepped into the spotlight of the ACLU by getting herself some airtime as the savior who freed Alice Marie Johnson, non-violent drug offender who was serving a disproportionate-to-the-crime life sentence without the possibility of parole. And she …or maybe it was her giant ass … convinced _____ to commute Johnson’s sentence and now she has told CNN that she wouldn’t say no to running for POTUS.

Seriously. Don’t think it can’t happen?  And think about Kanye as the First Lunatic!

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I Didn't Say It ...

Mitt Romney, comparing himself to _____:

“His first year is very similar to things I’d have done my first year. The things he’s actually done have been better than I expected.”

Mock the disabled? State that some racists are good people? Screw the environment? Incite world war?

Hey Mittsy? F**k off.

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Lance Bass, on why he never came out while NSYNC was together:

“The thing I want to say here today is something I’ve been trying to put into words maybe my whole life. Growing up in Mississippi and in a Southern Baptist church, in a town where everyone knows your business, I had a secret. I was gay. … And at the time, I thought that I would never be able to tell anyone because not only was I terrified of the lasting rejection … I was certain that that would happen … but more than that I didn’t want to jeopardize the careers of these guys up here, much less the hundreds of amazing people who worked tirelessly to bring NSYNC to the world. I thought if I had come out, NSYNC would be over. So I kept my secret. And our wildest dreams were coming true and we were so incredibly thankful. And I still am. But so many nights on stage, I’d see so many young, gay fans singing their hearts out and I wanted so badly to let you know, I was you. I just didn’t have the strength then. But I do today and so let me say loud and proud to all my LGBT brothers and sisters, who embrace me and show me the way to be who I am, thank you so much.”

No matter how famous you are, coming out is a personal journey and no one can take that first step for you.

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John McCain, on this current term being his last:

“This is my last term. If I hadn’t admitted that to myself before this summer, a stage 4 cancer diagnosis acts as ungentle persuasion. I’m freer than colleagues who will face the voters again. I can speak my mind without fearing the consequences much. And I can vote my conscience without worry. [_____] has declined to distinguish the actions of our government from the crimes of despotic ones. The appearance of toughness, or a reality show facsimile of toughness, seems to matter more than any of our values.”

Too bad McCain never thougt to speak up before his diagnosis, but he’s what’s wrong with career politicans: once elected all they worry about s being reelected and pandering to their base and the lobbyists who support them.

That’s why we need to vote them all out, every single time.

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Stephen Colbert, on the White House Correspondents Association after they dogged Michelle Wolf for her routine:

“Look, you didn’t like [it], you have that right. Don’t invite her back again, but grow a pair. This was a roast! And you’re the ones who hired Michelle Wolf! Being mad at her for doing her job is like accusing the valet of briefly stealing your car. And stop acting like you’re surprised. I thought news people did research! But you’re telling me you couldn’t spend 90 seconds on YouTube to find out what her act was like? As a great man once said, ‘Fake News.'”

True dat. You don’t ask Michelle Wolf to perform because you think she’ll be sweetness and light, you ask her to perform because she will bring it.

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Roseanne Barr, on the anger over her support for _____;

“Oh yeah, people are mad about that. But, you know, I don’t give a f**k …. Well everybody had to choose for themselves according to their own conscience who they thought was the lesser of two evils. You know, everybody chose that. So, I’m not gonna put anybody down who didn’t vote like me. This is America. It’s a free country. And, you know, when you weigh it all together, you know, I just felt like we needed a whole new thing, all the way, bottom to top.”

Trouble is, you tool, you voted for a man who has never done one single thing to help anyone but himself, and never a thing to help the very character you play on TV.

And, since you’ve always played up your support of the LGBT community, how do you explain voting for this anti-LGBT idiot?

Oh yeah, you can’t, so why don’t you STFU.

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Kanye West, on his “breakdown” last year being caused by an opioid addiction after plastic surgery:

“Two days before [the onstage meltdown] I was in the hospital. I was on opioids. I was addicted to opioids. I had plastic surgery because I was trying to look good for y’all. I got liposuction because I didn’t want y’all to call me fat like y’all called Rob at the wedding and made him fly home before me and Kim got married. I was taking two pills a day at that time,” he said. “When I left the hospital how many pills do you think I was given? Seven. I went from taking two pills to taking seven. The reason why I dropped those tweets and everything is because I was drugged the f–k out bro, and I’m not drugged out … these pills that they want me to take three of a day, I take one a week maybe, two a week. Ya’ll had me scared of myself, of my vision, so I took some pills so I wouldn’t go the hospital and prove everyone right. We are drugged out. We are following other people’s opinions. We are controlled by the media and today it all changes.”

See? It’s your fault Kanye was addicted to drugs. Cuz you would have called him fat and he couldn’t handle it so he took drugs and had liposuction because of you.

Seriously. This ass acts the fool and takes zero responsibility.

But, then how do we explain his “slavery is a choice” lunacy now if he’s no longer an addict?

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Laura Ingraham, Fox News tool, on Giuliani contradicting her Hair Furor’s claims that he didn’t know about Michael Cohen’s payment to Stormy Daniels:

“Did Trump pay it after April 6th? The left is jumping all over that tonight, saying, ‘What the heck? He did know, he didn’t know? Rudy’s on TV?’ What’s going on here? You have the president on tape on Air Force One saying he did not know about the payment, and you’ll have to ask Michael Cohen about that. [Then] Rudy just goes on with Hannity and says ‘Oh no, he reimbursed them.’ I love Rudy, but they better have an explanation for that [because] that’s a problem.”

Y’think? Asshat.

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Camille Cosby, going cray after her husband’s guilty verdict in his sex abuse case:

“The overall media, with their frenzied, relentless demonization of him and unquestioning acceptance of accusers’ allegations without any attendant proof, have superseded the Fifth and Fourteenth Amendments, which guarantee due process and equal protection, and thereby eliminated the possibility of a fair trial and unbiased jury. Bill Cosby was labelled as guilty because the media and accusers said so… period … Since when are all accusers truthful? History disproves that…for example, Emmett Till’s accuser immediately comes to mind. In 1955, she testified before a jury of white men in a Mississippi courtroom that a 14-year-old African American boy had sexually assaulted her, only to later admit several decades later in 2008 that her testimony was false."

Oh Camille, you knew all along this shiz was going down, so you need to close your mouth. It isn’t one woman, or two, or even three. It’s fifty-seven women telling the same story, and for you to compare your rapist husband to Emmett Till is disgusting.

You knew, but didn’t want your lifestyle to be disrupted so you carried his secrets and shame.

You’re just as guilty.

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Sandra Bullock, on foster care, adoption, and her two children:

“Look: I’m all for Republican, Democrat, whatever, but don’t talk to me about what I can or can’t do with my body until you’ve taken care of every child who doesn’t have a home or is neglected or abused … Let’s all just refer to these kids as ‘our kids.’ Don’t say ‘my adopted child.’ No one calls their kid their ‘IVF child’ or their ‘oh, sh-t, I went to a bar and got knocked-up child.’ Let just say, ‘our children.’ Lou is supersensitive. I call him my 78-year-old son. He’s like Shecky Greene, a Jewish Catskills comic. He’s wise and kind. I saw that when they handed him to me. There was a spiritual bigness to him. I was like, “I hope I don’t eff that up.” And Laila is just unafraid. She’s a fighter, and that’s the reason she’s here today. She fought to keep her spirit intact. Oh my god, what she is going to accomplish. She’s going to bring some real change.”

I remember years ago reading the obituary of George Burns, and it said he was survived by his daughter and adopted son. He adopted the boy as an infant and yet some sixty-odd years later he was still the “adopted” son.

I’m with Bullock on this one. Quit with the labels.

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Random Musings

TLC has canceled the Duggar's television program, months after the release of the reports that Josh Duggar is a child molester.

At work, I have the uncanny ability to say anything to the clients because most people … most people … like my sense of humor.

So, this happened … client comes in, and we've done business with her before and I am acquainted with her, so I step up to help her:

Bob: How are you doing today?

Client: I fucking hate people.

Bob: Um … okay?

Client: I’ve been dealing with fucking assholes all day long and I am at the end of my rope. How do you deal with fucking asshole clients?

Bob: You tell me … how am I doing so far?

What? Was that bad???

PS She laughed.

I thought the Confederate flag issue was a distinctly Southern issue, but it appears the lunacy extends out west …

Case in point: Republican, of course, Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore, who sent out an email blast last week about the impending vote here in South Carolina to remove the flag. She defended the flag, calling it part of U.S. history, and saying Americans need to remember both the good and the bad parts of our shared history.

Um, Michele? You dim-bulb? That’s what we were saying about the flag, but we added that we don’t think it should be celebrated and flown over our statehouse. We all know its part of our history and needs to be remembered which is why the flag is being set up in a museum.

But Michelle is dumb, and she doesn’t get it, and she’s probably a bit of a toothless, cousin-fucking, racist hillbilly, even out there in Nevada, because now she has vowed to install a horn on her truck that sounds like the one in General Lee, the car from the TV show Dukes of Hazzard.

Hopefully the horn can at least drown out her idiotic, and stupid, rants.

This week’s Hot Men are, well to put it nicely, a couple of distinct choices. Neither one is classically handsome, but, for me at least, there’s something about each of them that gives me a tingle.

Rami Malek is the star of Mr. Robot and plays a nerdy, morphine-addicted, computer hacker. And, yeah, there’s something there … I’m guessing it’s the eyes, that I just find so attractive.

Then we have Justin Fichelson, a realtor and co-star of Million Dollar Listing: San Francisco. Again, not handsome in the usual context, but there’s something there; plus, he has kind of a cute little giggle.

So, you see, the mens don’t have to be beauties, or hotties, sometimes they just have to have something.

[Rami Malek, Justin Fichelson]

So, while Donald [t]Rump might be cheering, and bloviating, about being at the front of the GOP Clown Minivan, we also have some other news about The [t]Rump.

Out of all GOP contenders vying for the White House, [t]Rump is the weakest competitor against Democrat Hillary Clinton. Yup, in a nationwide survey, [t]Rump leads all of the GOP 17%, with Jeb! in second at 14%; but match up [t]Rump with Hillary and those numbers fall dramatically: he trails her by 17-points.

So, g’head GOP and Teabagger voters, put [T[]Rump up and then watch as he crumbles against Clinton.

[photo source]

So, in our home office, on the floor beside the desk, is a doggie-cat bed — it’s either one of those things depending on who’s sleeping in it at the time.

Sidenote: that photo was taken on one of those rare days when they shared the bed.

When I’m on the computer, Ozzo comes back with me and sleeps in the bed, but then Tuxedo, the Alpha Pet, sits on the desk, above the pet bed, hovering and staring like a gargoyle, literally scaring Ozzo out of the bed, at which time Tuxedo gets into it and  falls asleep.

Recently, though, Ozzo, who has been neutered, apparently grew some balls, and decided he wouldn’t give up his bed. So Tuxedo tried a new tactic.

He still stood on the desk staring at Ozzo, and then, suddenly, Ozzo would leap from the bed like something had bitten him. I coerced the dog back into the bed, only to have leap from it a few seconds later. this happened about five times before I took a look at the bed, and saw the ballpoint pens and giant paper clips that Tuxedo was pushing off the desk onto Ozzo to make him get out of the bed.

Best part? Tuxedo didn’t even want the bed … he just liked making Ozzo jump.

That cat!

Oh Camille Cosby … what-the-ever-loving-hell is wrong with you?

Camille has stood by her husband, accused serial rapist Bill Cosby, even in the face of nearly fifty women stepping forward to say he drugged them and raped them, but her latest response is the worst of all.

A source — and, yeah, I know, sometimes sources aren’t exactly truthful, but this time it fits in with Camille’s MO — says:

“Camille still doesn’t believe that Bill provided drugs and had sex with women without their consent. She’s well aware of his cheating, but she doesn’t believe that her husband is a rapist.”

So, she knows he’s a serial cheater, and has been throughout their marriage, but he would  never drug women; okay, have that opinion, but it’s what she says next that irks the hell outta me.

She says the sex was consensual; that these fifty women told Bill Cosby to drug them so he could have sex with them, or, as I see it, rape them.

Sure, maybe once, maybe, but fifty times? Open your eyes, Camille. You can still love him, if you choose, but your husband is a rapist.

[photo source] 

Gosh, I loathe weather-people. I mean, I’m sure it must get boring because, for the most part, the weather in most places doesn’t vary a great deal day-to-day, so they have to do something to make it seem ominous and threatening, or, at least, interesting.

This week, watching GMA over breakfast, the weatherperson was talking about the severe storms taking place in the Midwest — as they have for weeks, and have been doing this time of year, forever — and she said this:

“There were over 900 storm reports.”

Sounds innocuous enough, though it also sounds like there were 900 storms, and not 900 phone calls about, perhaps, one storm. I mean, look at it like this: say my house caught fire … goddess forbid … knock wood … hurl salt … spit to the right … and the fire department got calls from all twenty of our neighbors.

Is that reports of twenty fires, or twenty reports of one fire?

Use your words carefully weatherpeople. Sheesh.

[photo source]

Random Musings

Up in Vermont, Bo Muller-Moore picked a fight with anti-gay fast-food chain Chick-fil-A over the use of the phrase "eat more kale" … similar to their trademarked "eat mor chikin" … and this week he won his legal battle after the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office granted his application to trademark his phrase.

"I've called Chick-fil-A's bluff on their cease-and-desist demands. I am not ceasing and desisting. I am thriving, thanks to people like you and thanks to Vermont and people from beyond." — Bo Muller-Moore

Muller-Moore started using the phrase in 2001 after a farmer who grows kale — known for its nutritional value — asked him to make three T-shirts for his family; the phrase caught on and, with the approval of the farmer, Muller-Moore began marketing it.

In 2011, Muller-Moore sought to trademark the phrase and shortly thereafter Chick-fil-A sent him a cease-and-desist letter telling him to stop using the phrase because the company felt it could be confused with "eat mor chikin."

But Muller-Moore refused, and used social media — and even this blog HERE — to win the support of state officials, including the Governor and pro-bono lawyers who handled his case. Governor Shumlin called Muller-Moore a shining example of Vermont's independence and entrepreneurial spirit.

Now, Chick-fil-A is kinda eating Crow, while Muller-Moore is having a special drink …

"Chick-fil-A did me a bit of a favor: They handed me lemons, and I made lemonade.” — Bo Muller-Moore

Snap.

When Carlos comes home from work, he often stirs our little Pocket Dog, Ozzo, into a frenzy, with the dog tearing through the house like Lindsay Lohan looking to score.

But the other day, as Carlos was revving him up and up and up, I suddenly heard a thump and Carlos say, “Ozzo! Are you okay? Ozzo?”

The.Dog.Had.Run.Into.The.Wall.

Proud Papa I am.

I know there’s an ALLEGED threat of terrorism, but, well, this still makes me smile.

In light of the decision by the majority of movie houses to pull the new James Franco/Seth Rogan film, The Interview, from their theaters before it even opened, Sony Pictures have scrapped the release of the film … for now, and released a statement which says, in part:

“Sony Pictures has been the victim of an unprecedented criminal assault against our employees, our customers, and our business. Those who attacked us stole our intellectual property, private emails, and sensitive and proprietary material, and sought to destroy our spirit and our morale – all apparently to thwart the release of a movie they did not like.”

Yeah, it’s ridiculous, but let me pose this question: how would we feel if some film company in North Korea — or anywhere for that matter — released a film about two North Koreans coming to the US to assassinate our president? Sure, maybe we wouldn’t hack anyone’s emails, but the movie is offensive and ridiculous and stupid.

Plus, Franco’s in it and the less I see or hear of him, the better.

Other things making me smile this week?

Glad you asked. Out there to Alexandria, Indiana, the First United Methodist Church will close its doors at the end of this year. So, why am I smiling?

Glad you asked. This is the same church that earlier this year fired their musical director, Adam Fray, because he’s a homosexual. Then Dr. David Steele was fired from his leadership position in the church for asking that Fray be rehired. Those two things caused a mass walkout by many in the congregation, which caused the church to lose members and money and have to shut it down.

That’s why I’m smiling. Another example of the so-called Good Christians lashing out against someone for being gay and The Gays get the last laugh.

Karl Rove and Dick Cheney, Two Hounds of Hell from the W Regime, have come out and said that, even in light of the recent CIA torture report, they still support the use of, ahem, “enhanced interrogation methods.”

Good, let’s arrest them both for War crimes and use those same methods on them.

I’ve still been perusing Bravo’s new “scripted” show, The Girlfriend’s Guide to Divorce, though it isn’t for the girlfriend’s or the divorce. I do like Janeane Garofalo as a bitter divorcee, but it’s the man candy that peaks my, er, interest.

Like Charles Mesure, who plays on of the ex-husbands and has a body and Australian accent to die for.

Then there’ Paul Adelstein, not classically handsome but there’s something about him that also, well, you know.

Just sayin’.

Barbara Walters aired her "Barbara Walters Presents: The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2014” last week and the most fascinating person of the year? Amal Alamuddin Clooney. Oh, she isn’t fascinating because she’s a high-powered attorney, not at all. Babs — who apparently thinks this was the Most Fascinating List for 1944, said it like this:

"This is Amal Alamuddin, George Clooney's beautiful bride. You could say hers was the wedding of the year. It was really one of the greatest achievements in human history."

The.Greatest.Achievement.In.Human.History? Way to set back the women’s movement a hundred years or more Babs, because no one but you thinks marrying a confirmed bachelor actor is the greatest human achievement in history.

Shouldn’t you be relaxing in a  crypt somewhere?

Camille Cosby has finally broken her silence over the twenty or so — of which we know — women who allege that they were sexually abused and drugged by her husband Bill Cosby, and she went all Tammy “Stand By Your Man” Wynette on the media. She says that the situation is similar to the Rolling Stone report of rapes at UVA that has since been called into question because the woman, the lone woman, at the center of that story may have lied.

Um, Camille, because one woman in Virginia may have lied to Rolling Stone about being raped, that doesn’t compare at all to the dozens and dozens of women who’ve come forward telling the same story about your husband.

You need to sit down and have a good think, and then … stay seated.

When Carlos cooks I inevitably walk into the kitchen and will say, “What stinks?”

And he’ll say,. “The crap I’m serving for dinner.”

Well, being the Christmas season, and being that Carlos loves cranberries and marmalade, he was in the kitchen the other day making some, you guessed it, Cranberry Marmalade. Only, we didn’t have any oranges to give it that citrus boost so he was going to add apples.

“Cranberries and Apples,” I said.”Sounds like Crapple.”

See what I did there? Cranberries? Apples? He cooks crap?

Yeah, he already made me stop.

Jeb Bush has kina come out to say he’s going to run for president so he can also ruin, and that isn’t a typo like I meant to say run, I meant, ruin this country like his dim-bulb, lying war criminal brother, and his one-term, read my lips  no new taxes daddy.

He said, on Facebook, because he’s a teenage girl:

"I am excited to announce I will actively explore the possibility of running for President of the United States."

He’s announcing that he’s really really really gonna think about it.

Siddown Jeb. Just Siddown.

More Carlos?

Okay … earlier this week my father sent us a little gift from a garden center: Bird Seed Pears. They looks like pears, but are made of birdseed and you hang them about your yard to feed your visiting feathered friends.

Well, Carlos was leaving for work one day and he asked if I minded if he gave one to Nina, the receptionist at work. I didn’t, but then I wondered something … Carlos and Nina chat all the time; they take lunches together; they share recipes and give one another gifts — she recently gave him us a bird feeder.

Now I realize what’s happening ... Nina is Carlos “Work Wife.”

And as soon as I told him that I knew, well let’s just say he looked like he wanted to run into a wall like Ozzo.

The Song-In-My-Head this week is, at last, a long time favorite: Shawn Colvin, "Killing The Blues."