Snarky Thoughts

Oh these days there are so many ALLEGATIONS of sexual misconduct by the men in Hollywood, and all of their trials are happening now. Kevin Spacey, Harvey Weinstein, Scientologist Paul Haggis, and current Scientologist Danny Masterson will each have their days in court this fall. Bill Murray dodged a court date by ALLEGEDLY paying his accuser over $100,000.

My Thought: Court TV should really start streaming and they could make a bundle on these Perv Trials.

Spacey  Weinstein  Haggis  Masterson

The thirst continues … over the past couple of years, Madonna has let us know that she self-identifies as a 26-year-old, “sex obsessed“ woman who may or may not be a lesbian. Though she’s never shied away from letting it all hang out in a tub of soapy water recently Madge has become a wee bit shy about her sexuality, On TikTok—because that’s where are the young girls and old girls who act like young girls hang out—Madonna asked her followers to interpret the results of a complex series of events to determine if she was gay.

My Thought: Oh, she came out all right, as Thirsty and Irrelevant and Desperate and a little Sad.

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Kelly Ripa has written a memoir, Live Wire: Long-Winded Short Stories, to make some coins, and in the book she talks of her complicated relationship with her longtime co-worker Regis Philbin. Regis and Kelly hosted Live! with Regis and Kelly together for ten years And she says he teased her to no end, though in later years they had a great relationship. Cut to Kathie Lee Gifford has been crawling out of steerage on a Carnival cruise ship to stomp her foot and telling world that she will not read Kelly’s book.

My Thought: who asked her to read it? Who asks her anything these days?

Kelly  Kathie Lee

Caitlyn Jenner warned us, and now the Great State of California is losing one of its biggest assets with Mark Wahlberg joining the list of one-percenters leaving the state in their private jets for greener pastures; though in Mark’s case, he’s moving a few hundred miles into Nevada to, he says, make a better life for his children. No one knows if he loaded up the contents of his $90 million home into his $2 million fleet of automobiles and moved out of Beverly … Hills, that is, but we do know he moved to income-tax-free Nevada to build a “state-of-the-art studio,” shoe factory and a separate factory for his apparel company.

My Thought: Not for the children, but for the bank account, his true love.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

It appears that America’s Got Talent host, Terry Crews, has finally decided to make a statement about the ALLEGED racial and sexist goings on at the show; the ALLEGATIONS were that judge Gabrielle was fired from the show because her hairstyles were, ahem, “too black,” and because she complained about Jay Leno telling a joke about Koreans eating dogs.

And now Terry, after being called out by Gabrielle and others for saying nothing for months has burped up some rubbish about diversity on the show:

“That was never my experience on America’s Got Talent. In fact, it was the most diverse place I have ever been in my 20 years of entertainment. The top 10 acts were Asian, women, older, younger, Black, White. It was everything in the gamut … I can’t speak for sexism because I am not a woman, but I can speak on behalf of any racism comments.”

I guess Terry Crews forgot how Gabrielle Union came to his defense when people mocked him over his ALLEGATIONS of sexual assault; but Gabrielle remembers, and she’s dragging Crews because none of the ALLEGATIONS she made has ever been disputed by NBC:

“Why anyone would gleefully get up on TV and tell lies that NO ONE disputed [the story] … Can someone please ask [about] what happens to all that diversity folks are talking about BEHIND THE SCENES. Like ... where the hell is all that diversity in the production though … ? In the decision-making ranks who control the fate of the diversity in front of the camera? The policing, criticism, and all other forms of bullshit ass commentary about our hair... KEEP FIGHTING!!! They truly believe if you stay quiet, they've won. Don't be quiet. Do not let this stand.”

After getting called out as a liar, one might think Crews would close his mouth, but instead he spewed some real nonsense:

“I’m a hog.

You’re a chicken.

Just ‘cuz you gave me eggs—

Don’t mean I owe you bacon.”

- Ancient Flint Michigan proverb”

And when People were all WTF, Crews said he meant Gabrielle Union and every single woman who tries to educate him on facts over bull shiz. And, in doing so, Crews said his mom, sister, and daughters can also eff off because the only woman he has to please is his wife, who may, or may not be, a can of Red Bull:

“There is only one woman one earth I have to please. Her name is Rebecca. Not my mother, my sister, my daughters or co-workers. I will let their husbands/ boyfriends/ partners take care of them. Rebecca gives me WINGS.”

So, basically Terry Crews is saying that any woman who faces some kind of workplace discrimination or sexual harassment can just pound sand because he doesn’t care and it’s not his business.

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In keeping up with his brand of krap, Mister Kim Kardastrophe, AKA Kanye Kardastrophe, says if a movie is ever made of his life, he wants a white guy to play him; and the white guy is Danny McBride.

Talk about Hollywood Whitewashing. I mean, according to The Root, Kanye and Danny had an actual conversation about this shiz and Danny says:

“Kanye asked me to play him in a movie of his life. That was a pretty stunning phone call to get. I don’t know why he wanted me to do it. Maybe that sense of ego I’m able to portray? I have no clue.”

I think Kanye meant Danny Glover instead of Danny McBride; or else, Kanye is just nuts.

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It’s been three years since Michael Strahan, after taking the job as Kelly Ripa’s co-host, bounced from the show for greener—and by greener, I mean more coins—pastures at Good Morning America. Kelly was mad at the situation because neither ABC nor Michael told her he was leaving until a minute before the world found out. The world is angry because Kelly’s new co-host is Ryan Seacrest, that slice of talking White Bread.

Now, to be fair, both Kelly and Michael are doing just fine now, but in terms of liking one another, or being at peace with one another, yeah, that’s not happening. And Strahan seems to be the one stirring the pot, telling the New York Times:

“I didn’t wake up and say, ‘I want a job at GMA.’ I was asked to do it by the people who run the network. It was really not a choice. It was a request. But it was treated as if I was the guy who walked in and said, ‘I’m leaving.’ That part was totally misconstrued, mishandled in every way. People who should have handled it better have all apologized, but a lot of the damage had already been done. For me, it was like: Move on. Success is the best thing. Just keep on moving.”

Huh. Yeah, Michael, ABC is the Corleone Family of morning television and told you to bolt. You were offered the job, saw dollar signs, and packed your bags. And as proof, Strahan will now throw Kelly under the bus:

“One thing I tried to do is have a meeting every few weeks with her. We met a few times, and that was fine. But then eventually she said she didn’t need to meet. Can’t force somebody to do something they don’t want to do.”

Yeah, like you can’t force someone to honor their commitment and stay in the job they accepted a half minute earlier because there’s more coins at GMA.

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It appears that College Admissions Scam artists Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli are selling their Bel Air mansion.

I wonder why? I mean, either they need to money to pay for lawyers, or they already see themselves living in another Big House.

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Note to anyone planning on nominating Taylor Swift for any kind of award: if she’s not winning, she’s not coming.

And it must be true because Page Six says so. They say Swifty stayed away from this year’s Grammys because she wasn’t going to win anything. You see, Swifty don’t sit in the crowd without getting a statue.

Days before the Grammys, it was reported that Swift was going to perform The Man during the show but cancelled at the last minute over the controversy between the Recording Academy and their ex-CEO Deborah Dugan, who claims the awards are rigged. 

And Page Six is saying that in order to get Swifty there, she needed a guarantee that when the nominations were called, she’d be able to play she “aw, shucks, who me, gee whiz” face before taking to the stage for her award. Taylor, ALLEGEDLY, wanted to win Song of the Year award because, of her TEN Grammys, she doesn’t have that one yet. But since she couldn’t be guaranteed a win, Swifty strayed home and played with her cats.

However, Taylor’s people say these are lie:

“I am on the record: These statements by anonymous, unidentified ‘sources’ are absolutely 100 percent false and laughable. She just didn’t go to the Grammys. You guys need to calm down.”

See what they did there, though? They actually quoted a Swifty song in their statement. Makes me believe the story is true.

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Now, this might make Taylor happy, though there’s no statuette to go with it.

The Razzies are coming up and it’s a shoe in that Cats will be leading the pack, but … this week Cats was honored … honored … by PETA for not using actual cats in the film.

For the third year in a row, PETA has handed out their Oscat Awards to filmmakers and performers who showed “compassion” to animals and since Cats has no cats, they win!

I think this shows that PETA has no idea what’s best for animals. All Cats did was make actual cats look bad.

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It's Snarkurday!

I’m’a just say it: Kim Cattrall was right! Her former Sex and the City co-star and TV BFF, Sarah Jessica Parker, really is a not nice person.

It seems SJP ALLEGEDLY became very pissy at a shoe event held at her very own signature store at Las Vegas’ Bellagio—SJP by Sarah Jessica Parker—after discovering that a 14-year boy was filming her without her express permission.

Seriously. She is Scary Bradshaw!

One of the attendees was one Tonia Ryan, a stylist, who brought her 14-year old son Derek with her to the shoe party and wanted him to film her while she asked SJP which shoes she should buy. Derek began filming while Mom waited off to the side for her big moment and that’s when SJP saw the boy taping her and shrieked for security!

On the video SJP is heard saying:

“Put your phone down … You guys have to have experiences, nobody’s living, everybody is just walking around.”

Well, that sounds kinda nice, like maybe SJP wanted the boy to “experience” her shoe store and not just film it, but then she made the boy delete the video, harassed him until he did so, and then informed this fourteen-year-old boy that no one got a picture of her unless they bought a pair of her shoes. … or put a boatload of coins at her feet.

As I said, Kim is right.

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We always hear about ALLEGED cat fights between women, but what about cat fights between men … or at least boys like Drake and Kanye.

Drake was performing in Chicago, Kanye’s hometown, when he subtly changed the lyrics to his song “Know Yourself” in order to suggest that Kanye’s record YE had “flopped”. Instead of rapping the original lyrics:

“Had a job sellin’ Girbaud jeans

I had a yellow TechnoMarine

Then Kanye dropped, it was polos and backpacks.”

Drake changed the last line to “Kanye flopped.”

Oh snap! How will Kanye ever live this down? He’ll probably check himself back into the hospital and Kim will take to social media to suggest Drake is gay.

That’s how they roll.

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Kelly Ripa has been on television for three decades, and a lot can change to a person in thirty years …like going from Regis Philbin to Whitebread Seacrest.

Or, maybe, because they love social media, they post a throwback picture on Instagram, and people in the comments ask if it’s supposed to be a Spot The Difference game between Kelly in the 90s and Kelly in the 10s.

See, it all started when Ripa posted that picture of her and her husband of 22 years, Mark Consuelos. It didn’t take long before several people pointed out that Kelly’s current nose and teeth situation don’t match the original set.

Kelly was not amused:

“I’m gonna tell you right now. No nose job, and no veneers. I wouldn’t be sleeping in a retainer every night if I had. You guys do know how to make a girl feel special.”

Mark then chimed in:

“I can attest…same nose. No veneers … and fierce retainer.”

Kelly responded: 

“Thanks honey, I’ll wear it for you tonight.”

I don’t wanna suffer the wrath of Ripa, but she does look a little different in the nose area. And if this makes her mad and she wants to send Mark to my house to, um, “discuss” it, well, I wouldn’t say no to that.

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Well, first Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner broke up and he moved into the guesthouse to make the transition easier on the kids. Then Ben met Lindsay Shookus and he moved even further out of the house and seemed to have settled down from gambling drinking Ben.

But this week, Ben is ALLEGEDLY single again—after he and Lindsay stopped following one another on social media … which is the new way of saying you’re single—and he has been spotted with a 22-year-old Playmate and having boxes of booze delivered to his home and so Jennifer Garner stepped in.

Garner ALLEGEDLY staged an intervention with a sober coach at his house because she was concerned about his sobriety and quicker than you can say ‘Affleck’s Batman sucks’ he was whisked off to rehab again.

In fact, after the intervention at his house with the sober coach, the not-quite-ex-couple left together in her car, stopped at Jack in the Box—the go-to fast food for hangovers—before heading to a rehab facility.

Seriously, Garner must be some kind of a saint to keep trying to save Ben from himself.

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Hell hath no fury like Nicki Minaj finding her new album opened in the Number 2 pot on the Billboard charts behind Kylie Jenner’s boyfriend and baby father, Travis Scott.

During a Twitter freak out, Nicki raged about rappers, like Travis, manipulating sales by including their albums in bundles:

“But what we’re not gonna do is have this auto-tune man coming up here selling f**king sweaters and telling y’all he sold half a million albums, because he didn’t. And it’s a lot of rappers behind the scene that won’t talk about it and they’re scared. Sweetheart, I’m not scared. I’m legendary in these streets.”

And then Nicki came for Kylie:

“You stupid f**k. You got your f**king homeboy talking for you and you got your girlfriend selling tour passes [to Travis’ shows]. Stop it. Knock it the f**k off.”

And Nicki is furious that Travis was selling passes to his Astroworld tour, given that her own tour is having lackluster sales:

“When [Travis] comes along and sells a tour pass that has nothing to do with his f**king music and says he’s sold more than Kanye West and Nas—no you f**king didn’t, keep it the f**k real. I know I’m that bitch, I know I’m number one.”

As for Nicki’s tour, it seems like tis selling as many tickets as a Kevin Spacey film.

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In Keep It Your Pants news … at 57, Eddie Murphy is about to be a father again for the tenth time.

He and girlfriend Paige Butcher are expecting another child as a baby brother or sister for their two-year-old daughter.

Baby #10 will join Izzy Oona, Murphy and Paige’s daughter, Angel Iris, Murphy and Mel B’s daughter, Bria, Myles, Shayne, Zola, and Bella, Murphy and ex-wife Nicole’s children, Christian, Murphy and Tamara Hood Johnson’s son, and Eric , Murphy and Paulette McNeely’s son.

Seriously, Eddie, they sell condoms just about anywhere now.

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Random Musings

Well, _____ has fired FBI Director James Comey just as Comey’s investigation into _____’s ties with Russia and crimes against America deepen.

Nothing to see here, right, except the subjugation of democracy by a narcissistic, lunatic.

Oddly enough, the official line is that Comey was fired because he ALLEGEDLY violated Justice Department principles and procedures by publicly discussing the investigation of Hillary Clinton’s use of private email.

Wait, so he was fired by _____ for talking Hillary and not because he’s investigating _____? I have a bridge to sell you.

PS Somewhere in Hell, Richard Nixon, whilst pounding rocks, was heard to say, “WTF Donny?”

In the midst of the Comey firing suddenly White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer vanished and was replaced by that idiotic, er, more idiotic, Deputy White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, and here’s how that went down:

REPORTER: “You said that [Comey] made a lot of missteps and mistakes; back at the end of October, this president was applauding the FBI Director when he reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton's emails. So he seemed quite happy with him at that point. What changed?”

SANDERS: “Well, I think the president's position. One, he was a candidate for president, not the president. Those are two very different things. Once you take over leading the Department of Justice, that's very different than being a candidate in a campaign. As you guys all know, there's a very clear distinction between those two things.

I think also having a letter like the one that he received [from Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein] and having that conversation that outlined the basic, uh, just, atrocities in circumventing the chain of command in the Department of Justice.

Any person of legal mind and authority knows what a big deal that is, particularly in the Department of Justice, particularly for somebody like the Deputy Attorney General, who has been part of the Justice Department for thirty years and is such a respected person. When he saw that, he had to speak up on that action, and I think that was the final catalyst.”

Wow, and we thought Mama Grizzly Bore™ tossed a good word salad.

And let’s be clear that the “atrocities”—and isn’t that a strong word—that _____ says Comey committed appear to be the same things for which he praised Comey a few months ago. The only real atrocity Comey committed was aiding and abetting _____’s ascent into the White House.

And, to be even more clear, while Huckleberry-Sanders says Deputy Attorney General Rosenstein's report was the final straw, Rosenstein never clearly recommended firing Comey ... that was Jeff “Ties with Russia” Sessions.

If you believe that now is not the time to fear for our Democracy then you are dead from the neck up.

Re-f**king-sist. Write, call, email, Tweet your representatives and demand a special prosecutor investigate these crimes and if they don’t follow your instructions—and remember, you are the boss—vote them out.

On a better note—see what I did there ... because this Musing is about music ... Note? Music? I’ll stop.

This past weekend the local community band, in which Carlos plays the trumpet, had their concert in Rectory Square, and the aforementioned Carlos lead a group of buglers in The Bugler’s Holiday.

Now, I didn’t record their version, but that’s Carlos up there, and that, down there, is The Bugler’s Holiday.

Speaking of music ... though it’s quite a strecth ... Billy Ray Cyrus is celebrating the 25th anniversary of his Achy Breaky Heart—clearly a Top Ten Contender for Worst Song EVER-R-R-R-R!

And how exactly is he celebrating? He’s going the way of Madonna and prince and Cher by changing his name to ... I must control my gag reflex ... Cyrus.

“After August 25th, I will be the artist formerly known as Billy Ray. I’m just going by my last name Cyrus. I always went by Cyrus, and I begged Mercury Records to call me Cyrus in the beginning because that’s what I was comfortable with. I’m going to the hospital where I was born in Bellefonte, Kentucky, and legally changing my name.”

I guess Hack was taken; No-Talent was already being used; One-Hit-Wonder was already licensed; Past-Your-Sell-By-Date was gone?

Remember when Tennessee State Senator Mark Green was _____'s pick to be Secretary of the Army?

Now, not so much. Green has opted out because, yeah, those hate-filled anti-transgender comments he made but said he didn’t make reared their ugly head and everyone now realized he said them, then lied about them.

But he’s still saying the attacks were false and misleading even though they weren’t.

#ByeFelicia.

So, I love a BBC show, and I have been watching Ripper Street for the last couple of years, partly because I love the historical aspects of the storytelling and partially because it’s really like Law & Order: Ripper Street and partly because it has Hot Men like ...

From the top, Jonas Armstrong, who plays cannibalistic murderer Nathaniel Dove and is one beefy killer; and then, in the middle, Killian Scott, who plays Augustus Dove, Nathaniel’s tightly wound police commissioner, and murderous brother. Who knew killers could be hot?

Lastly, from American Gods, we have Ricky Whittle who just steams up the screen as Shadow Moon in a show about old gods coming to America to battle new gods like Celebrity and Technology.

Like I said, he steams. Just sayin’.

Ryan Seacrest has officially become the new co-host alongside Kelly Ripa in the newly redubbed, Live! With Kelly and Ryan!

Now, to be fair, I kinda like Kelly, but she’s also kinda annoying and when paired with ultra-smarmy and smugly annoying Ryan Seacrest, I see this becoming a battle of Who Do You Dislike Most?

Perhaps they should have called the show that?

In another example of how clearly out-of-touch _____ is, his daughter, the one he’d bang, if you, know ... incest ... Complicit _____ will head a review of US climate change policy at the United Nations climate change meetings next week in Bonn, Germany.

Wait, a woman who hires people to design jewelry and handbags and then has them made in China where she pays workers pennies a day, and the same woman who had someone write a book about how hard she has it as a millionaire working woman and then slapped her name on it, is now a climate change expert?

Yeah, that’s America under _____.

It's Snarkurday!

Someone named Jason Derulo, a singer, apparently—thanks Google—has accused American Airlines of racial discrimination over a disagreement on baggage fees. And it must be true because Jason scooted over to bastion of journalistic integrity, The New York Times People magazine to spill the tea.

When Jason and his party of eight arrived at Miami International Airport at 4:15 for a 5PM flight to Los Angeles—which is cutting it very close you know—they had a total of 19 bags. And since they had just 45 minutes to make their flight, a Derulo flunky stayed behind to check the bags while everyone else scurried to the gate.

Now, Derulo says he flies AA because he has a Concierge Key that allows him to check three bags without getting hit with a fee and since he was traveling with eight people then all 19 bags should have been no charge ... right?

Not that day Satan. The straggler who stayed behind called Jason—who was on the plane and pulling away from the gate—to say the total for checking all 19 bags was $4,000 and that’s when Jason went off.

Derulo demanded the pilot let him off the plane and, miraculously, the pilot did! But, as Jason and his band of crybabies exited, Derulo says the pilot cussed them out, and they were met on the tarmac by fifteen police officers and another AA employee who also cursed them out.

But all that changed when Jason played the Don’t you know who I am? card ... and then took this mess to Instagram:

“As you can imagine, I’m surrounded by 15 police officers, I’m not going to curse back because I know what’s going to happen. So I pick up my phone, and I go live on my Instagram ... and I start to hear whispers happening, and as soon as they find out who I am, everything changes. Every single person becomes somebody else, and all of a sudden, we’re not in trouble anymore.”

No charges were filed and Jason, his group and their bags got on a later flight. But Jason says it’s not over. He says he would have ended up in handcuffs if he wasn’t the Jason Derulo and so he went back to Instagram:

“@americanair I spent millions on your airline throughout the past ten years between myself and my entire staff but have still experienced racial discrimination today at miami airport!!! Called 15 police officers on me as if I'm a criminal! It's not ok that when you find out who I am the gears change! Fuck that!! I want answers #conciergekey #conciergekeymember #thecaptainneedstoshowrespecttoo cause he could #cashmeoutsidehowboutdat #notypo #ifiwasanyoneelseiwouldhavebeenarrested”

Of course, the police tell a different story: an AA employee claims Jason and his group smelled like weed and got aggressive when they checked in, and then got pissy about the baggage fees and demanded to be let off the plane. But, when a passenger gets off a plane, they have to show their ID so the flight staff can take them off of the manifesto, and Jason and his group refused to show their IDs—Don’t you know who I am—and that’s where it got ugly.

See, he was acting like a dick on weed who cried about a baggage fee and then demanded to get off the plane and then refused to show his ID and then cried to People F**king Magazine about it.

Hey Jason, maybe you get to the airport early enough to check your bags and then, when you’re told how $$$ it’ll be, you don’t get on the flight. But don’t scream like a little bitch because you had to cough up some coins and then demand that the plane be stopped and act the bitch on the tarmac.

Grow the eff up. In a few years you’ll be working at baggage claim in Miami because no one knows who you are!

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Mere moments after breaking off her engagement to her billionaire boyfriend, James Packer, Mimi got a new love ... one of her backup dancers.

Billionaire to backup dancer must be quite the come down, which may explain why Mariah Carey and her boy-toy spent an intimate Valentine’s Day together, and then shared it on social media.

The two of them, in a hot tub, with both makeup and hair teams, retouchers, costumers, lighting people, acting coaches to tell Mimi how to appear happy, and, of course, the accountant, there to write a check for the boyfriend.

Isn’t it romantic?

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Did you know that Kelly Ripa hasn’t spoken to her former “Live” co-host Regis Philbin since the day he left the show six years ago? Did you care?

Anyway, Philbin is now saying that Ripa won’t speak to him because she was “very offended” when he left. Offended? I mean, her salary probably doubled and her name came first on the billing so ... offended? I doubt it. Philbin, though, is saying:

“She got very offended when I left. She thought I was leaving because of her. I was leaving because I was getting older and it was not right for me anymore.”

Then Philbin says he doesn’t speak to Kelly and gives us the nugget of why he’s spilling the tea right now ...

“Never once did they ask me to go back [on the show].”

And there it is; he hasn’t been asked back and so now he’s playing the She-Won’t-Talk-to-Me card in the hopes of her asking him to come back because, well, Regis Philbin likes to be on TV but when he gave it up, there were no new offers.

Sit down, Reege, and pipe down, too.

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Nick Cannon has hosted America’s Got Talent for eight years, but recently announced in a long-assed Facebook rant that he’s done with the show. And he says it’s because NBC wanted to censor a joke he told in a Showtime comedy special about how he feels like he lost his black card once he started hosting AGT. 

NBC execs didn’t like that joke and felt like Cannon was hurting their brand, er wallets, and asked him to cut it; Nick put on that Norma Desmond turban and said, “Oh hell no” and quit the AGT gig.

Here’s the, um, for lack of a better word, “joke,” that caused Nick to quit:

“I honestly believe, once I started doing America’s Got Talent, they took my real n—r card. They did! Because then like these type of people started showing up to my shows”—Cannon then points to three older white people in the front row—“I can’t do the real n—r stuff no more, because then they’ll put me on TMZ.”

But that wasn’t the only joke he made:

“That’s what NBC is gonna stand for tonight: ‘N—rs Better Come on, cuz N—rs Be Cussin’, so N—rs Be Careful ... ‘cuz y’all see me on the show. I mean sometimes I wish I could say the stuff that I want to say. … But I can’t say that. I can’t talk like that ‘cuz that would mess up the white money. It will.”

And since Nick has a contract with NBC that states that he can’t talk about the network without approval, he has opted to play the I Quit card instead of the I Got Fired card for talking about my bosses and telling jokes that are not funny.

Seriously, had the jokes landed he might have still had the job, but unfunny gets you axed.

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While walking the Red Carpet at the Grammys in a seriously hideous dress, Katy Perry created an internet firestorm because of something she said ... about Britney! Twice ... two times ... Katy joked about Britney Spears’ head-shaving mental breakdown moment from 2007.

The first occurred when ET asked Katy about her new-ish hair and she said:

“The only thing left to do is shave my head, which I’m really saving for a public breakdown. I’m down for that.”

And later, when asked by TV pipsqueak Ryan Seacrest about why she hasn’t been seen in a while, oops, she said it again:

“Yeah, that’s called taking care of your mental health…[it went] fantastic! And I haven’t shaved my head yet.”

To be fair, Katy didn’t mention BritBrit by name, but c’mon, we all know who she meant. And some of the more rabid Cheetos-eating Spears fans didn’t think it was very funny of Katy and they let her know it on Twitter by creating the hateful ... I kid, it’s funny ... hashtag:

#KatyPerryIsOverParty.

Now, Britney’s fans might have been pissed, but Britney herself wasn’t saying a word, maybe because she’s crazy as a loon and doesn’t remember her head shaving moment.

Just saying ...

Cue ... #BobIsOverParty

But then .... Britney heard about it ... I’m thinking someone told her about it          very         slowly        so     she’d         understand        and Britney came back like this ... with a Bible verse no less ...  on Instagram and  Twitter:

“Her mouth speaks from that which fills her heart ...  Luke 6:45”

But here’s the deal; the full verse, and Katy, whose parents are ultra-religious, should know, is much more harsh:

“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”

Wow. Now I’m waiting to see what Katy does ... maybe dance around town with a boa constrictor who will choke her to death ... or maybe marry a backup dancer-turned-bloated-loser and pop out two Katylets ... or marry some random dude for half a day?

I do so love a feud, and maybe Ryan Murphy, once his Bette David Joan Crawford Feud airs, will turn next season toward Brit and Katy?

He can call it Dumb and Dumber.

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It looks as though Ben Affleck’s stand alone Batman movie is going to be a bigger mess than his Batman v Superman mess. I mean, seriously, he was woefully miscast as Batman, unless Batman was meant to be a muttering, mumbling, pretend to be gruff wannabe.

When The Batman was first announced, Warner Bros. said Affleck would write and direct and star in the film, but that lasted a second. Soon, Affleck gave up the director’s chair to Matt Reeves and now comes word that he doesn’t even wanna be Batman any more.

The rumor comes from John Campea, host of Collider Movie Talk, and he says he’s heard from sources—perhaps Lohan trying to get a Batgirl franchise going—that after being Batman in Batman v. Superman, Affleck wants to hang up his cape.

Now, he’ll write and produce it but he won’t wear the tights or the fake muscle suit any longer. And is that such a bad thing? I mean, he took Batman from the brilliant darkness of Christian Bale and turned it back into a cartoon.

He’s got to be stopped.

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Halle Berry sucks at picking men, clearly.

She’s been married three times, and all three were messy; even the men she didn’t marry became extras in her hubby troubles. But maybe, maybe, Halle has learned her lesson?

During a Q&A at the 2017 City Summit and Gala, Halle admitted she knows her three marriages have been more of a bomb than Catwoman ... and that was a nuclear bomb, y’all:

“I have learned to deal with three failed marriages, which has not been easy, especially when there’s children involved. [As] women, we go into marriage thinking it’s going to last forever and that this is our prince on a shiny horse. ... But we go in there with that hope, so when it falls apart it feels like a huge failure and a huge disappointment.”

Halle then says she’s learned a lot from all those horrific relationships which means it took her three marriages and countless relationships to learn the lesson to ... LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP.

Got it now, Halle?

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It’s hard to break-up with someone and then see them out dating someone else, but it’s harder when you’re Justin Bieber and you have the emotional range of a toddler in dirty Pampers.

See, shortly after Justin found out that his ex Selena Gomez was dating-schtupping-photo-op’ing The Weeknd, Justin puffed out his little chest and called The Weeknd’s music “wack” and now, a month later, he’s still crying.

We know that Justin Bieber didn’t go to the Grammys—because he says they don’t honor talent—so what did he do on Sunday? He trolled The Weeknd on Instagram Live by driving around with a friend who asks him, live, what his favorite song is ...and Bieber says it’s The Weeknd’s Starboy.

Then the two fools laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh ...

Oooh, burn! Like I said, the emotional range of a toddler in dirty Pampers.

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Matt Damon’s latest movie, The Wall—and it has nothing to do with hair Furor—has taught the actor a lot about buns, man buns. In the film, Damon plays a European mercenary warrior who is imprisoned at the Great Wall, but it’s his hair, his extensions, that are getting the attention today.

Damon says it took nearly a day to install his weave:

“I mean they put 700 extensions in, it took 12 hours, and then I had to try and keep them in. By the time they cut them out, it was like a rat’s nest. I took a picture of it. I think there was stuff living in there.”

What the what? If Damon had to sit in a chair getting his wee extensions for man bun in this film, Beyoncé must spend years in the chair getting her hair did.

Just sayin’.

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