It's Snarkurday!

So, Donald’s cohort in #PussyGate, Billy Bush, was suspended indefinitely from the Today Show following the release of that disgusting tape; good. But even better is all the stories coming out now that the people over at Today weren’t ever feeling Billy and are thrilled to see him go. Apparently there are all kinds of “gossipy conversations” about Bush on the set and that most of it suggests that they don’t want Billy back, especially the women.

A source and it’s possibly that other bastion of misogyny, Matt Lauer, says, “[Bush] hasn’t really endeared himself to the rest of the cast and crew anyway, so they’re fine with him leaving, if that’s what the decision is. … Tamron [Hall] doesn’t like him and they have always been uncomfortable around each other. Al [Roker] doesn’t speak to him, like at all. There is no love lost there. He doesn’t have much of a relationship with Savannah [Guthrie]. So it won’t be a loss to any of them personally if he doesn’t come back.”

Now, should Bush be fired for something he said eleven years ago? Um, yeah, if now it makes his new career as an NBC “professional journalist” look all the more shady. Plus, remember Ann Curry getting the axe for basically doing nothing wrong? Well, if “next to nothing” gets you fired, then the way you talk about women should get you the axe, too.

And how does Billy feel — as if anyone should care? Rumor has it he is “devastated” and feels like someone at NBC has it out for him because he had hoped that the tape would be released with his voice edited out.

Oh, Billy, maybe the take-away from this is don’t act like a dick with a microphone strapped to your waist and you’ll never have to worry about being edited again. Of course, I don’t think they record those who wear microphones at the Carl’s Junior drive-thru so there is a job out there for you somewhere.

Remember Kanye’s d-i-sastrous Fashion Show this past summer where model’s fainted and fell off their shoes and people left before the show even started and the clothes were ugly?? Well, apparently that hot mess caused Kanye to have a “dramatic meltdown”—which would be hard to differentiate from his “normal meltdowns.”

But there is one way to tell the difference; after his epic tantrum he had his agent fire all 30 of his staff after the fashion show and got rid of his phone so people can only contact him via email.

Sadly, no one’s looking for him, and so he and his team — either the new one or, if you believe Kanye, the old one — say he didn’t have a “nervous breakdown,” he just let some people go and “reorganized” others … to the unemployment line.

Now, if only someone would fire Kanye from designing “clothes” and fire his wife from that “reality” show.

I loves me some Homeland, but this year the drama may be better off-screen than on, because rumor has it that Claire Danes’ co-stars, F. Murray Abraham and Mandy Patinkin, aren’t feeling each other.

An insider on the set claims that there’s “jealousy” between F. Murray and Mandy, and the production assistants have been relegated to babysitters. The source says F. Murray and Mandy refuse to speak to each other unless they’re filming a scene together and won’t even sit together at lunch.

Like I said, they have babysitters now. But, while it’s usually Mandy who’s the trouble on-set — he ALLEGEDLY out diva’d Streisand on the set of Yentl — folks are saying this time it’s F. Murray causing the stink … giving Patinkin the silent treatment and moving his chair away from the lunch table.

In fact, rumor has it that F. Murray is so demanding and mean to Poor Mandy that his name on the set is now WTF. Murray.

Sam Rubin of station KTLA in Los Angeles is a longtime big-shot in the entertainment news game — though let us not forget that it was Sam who infamously mistook Samuel L. Jackson for Laurence Fushburne — but, apparently some folks who work for stars with tiny egos don’t give him his due.

It seems Sam was set to interview Ben Affleck about his new film — something called The Accountant … sounds thrilling — and was told to not ask Ben about his tabloid life of drinking and gambling and banging nannies and divorcing his wife.

And then Sam claimed he saw Ben’s “people” editing the interviews for airing so as not to make Affleck look like a doofus and so, rather than discuss the film on his news segment Sam decided to rant about the unprofessional and “shocking” treatment that went down during the junket and ended his tirade like this:

“If you had told me ahead of time you were going to restrict my questions or if you told me ahead of time these interviews were subject to your editing and control even after the interview took place. I would never have gone to your junket. I would never have been involved with promoting a movie that’s trying to censor reporters covering the movie. You will never hear me mention this movie ever again.”

I don’t think we should have heard of it in the first place because rumor has it that it’s Ben Affleck’s attempt to do Matt Damon in The Bourne CPA.

So, Melissa Etheridge is still touring in I Hate Angelina and recently appeared on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live to debut a “new” song. Earlier in the day Etheridge was on Andy’s Cohen’s SiriusXM radio show to once again state that the rumors that Brad Pitt went crazy on his son Maddox are “completely unfounded” and then she dug back even further in the vault to say that La Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton were “real mean” to Billy Bob’s ex, Laura Dern, after Jolie and Thornton started dating.

Methinks Melissa needs to get a hobby, but I digress …That “new” song Melissa sang is about Judy Smith, the real-life Olivia Pope Angelina hired to do damage control once the Pitt Split was announced. Etheridge ALLEGES that Judy’s firm didn’t like what she was saying and let her know it; basically, it sounds like Judy Smith told Melissa that this wasn’t any of her business and, well, maybe she should get a hobby. And so Melissa’s hobby was a “new” song called The Fixer Blues wherein she laments the fact that she’s sticking her nose in somewhere it does not belong, and it goes a little something like this:

“Well I woke up this morning to a subtle warning that had my mind rockin’

Seems I said some things about an old, old, old friend, that’s got some people talking

Now I know broken heart, a thing or two about divorce; I’ve been there before once… OK, twice

I have not seen my friend in over 10 years; I swear I have never, ever, ever, ever met his wife

I tell you what, I ain’t pickin’ no fight; None of my business who’s wrong or who’s right

Anyway, that’s for sure my opinion is mine”

And it goes on and on … but here’s the deal: Melissa sings that Bard is a friend she hasn’t seen in ten years and yet she’s talking about his marital situation? She sings that she’s never met Jolie but she’s dogging her in the press?

Melissa, honey, get a hobby that keeps you from speaking … or writing idiotic Woe Is Me songs.

During an interview with Samantha Bee for Harper’s Bazaar, Gwyneth Paltrow, of the Giant Ego Paltrow’s, said she is much less of an asshole than she was seventeen years ago when she took home that Oscar that Harvey Weinstein bought for her because her late father, Bruce Paltrow, sat her down and told her, to her face, that she was, in fact, a huge asshole:

“I remember when I was maybe 27 years old and kind of at the height of my movie stardom — it was around the time of the Oscar and this and that. I think I was very much believing my own hype, which how could you not? I was sitting with my dad, feeling great about my life and everything that was happening, and he was like, “You’re kind of an asshole.” And I was like, “What the hell?” I was totally devastated. But it turned out to be basically the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s the difference between someone who loves you more than anything in the world giving you criticism and getting it from some bitter stranger on the Internet. What my dad said to me was the kind of criticism where I was like, “Oh, my God, I’m on the wrong track.” I’m so grateful to him for doing that. He was such a no-nonsense guy in that sense.”

Is it me, or does she sound like an asshole while trying to explain her way out of being an asshole? I mean, her she is again, decades later thinking you are all that, and the ideal to which all other women should aspire and selling t-shirts for $500 on her website.

Daddy was, and is, right, hon.

I Didn't Say It ...

Adele, in her cover story for TIME, on her hopes and dreams for her son:

“The other day I was saying, ‘Oh God, I’m finding this really hard again with a kid.’ I have no time for myself because in between doing this, all my spare time is with him. But then I realized, he’s been keeping me totally cool and calm about the whole thing. ... He makes me so proud of myself, and he makes me like myself so much. … I’m so proud of myself that I made him in my belly. Cooked him in my belly and then he came out of me! This human who’s suddenly walking around and doing his own thing. I can’t wait to know who his best friends are going to be, who his girlfriend or his boyfriend is going to be or what movies he likes… Whatever my kid wants to do or be I will always support him no matter what."

If I didn’t love Adele before, I love her now. Any child, gay or straight, needs a parent who will love them unconditionally, and love the person they love, too.

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Mandy Patinkin, on ending Islamophobia and costly wars:

“It is essential that we stop this paradigm of violence ... by that I mean, it hasn’t worked. It hasn’t worked, this violence ‘an eye for an eye.’ We have to come up with a new paradigm … and what is that new paradigm if war isn’t working? Where you spend $4 trillion on this war. What is being spent on the marginalized people in humanity? All of these wonderful Muslim men and women that have no education, no opportunity, no good schooling and so what do they do? They look for someone else who’s saying ‘will give you a better life.’ Why aren’t we taking that money that’s used for bombs, and making schools and hospitals and homes and opportunity?”

Imagine a world where the United States doesn’t spend billions on war, but instead spends it on erasing hunger and poverty and funding education and helping out those in need.

Wouldn’t that be a great place to live?

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Kim Davis, Kentucky Kounty Klerk and same-sex marriage opponent, on why God ‘chose’ her:

"How ironic that God would use a person like me, who failed so miserably at marriage in the world, to defend it now. The Lord picks the unlikely source to convey the message."

Perhaps she wasn’t really listening, because maybe God told her that since she had f**ked up her own marriages, time and again, she should not be judging anyone else’s right to marry.

Look, the bitch is a hypocrite who tells herself she can do whatever she wants because God … meanwhile God is watching, shaking her head and weeping at people like Kim Davis.

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Ben Carson, connecting Bill Clinton‘s sex scandal to the corruption of America’s youth:

“My main problem with it, is I saw innocent little kids… becoming coarser and wanting to know what certain things are that they’re hearing about on television––things that they would’ve never known about as kids before.”

Goddess help me, but this has got to be the dumbest human alive.

Kids weren’t watching the news and hearing about sex from Bill Clinton; they were hearing it about it, and probably experimenting with it, in the schoolyards, asshat.

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Josh Earnest, White House press secretary, on this year's birther battle:

“It would be quite ironic if after 7 or 8 years of drama around the president’s birth certificate if Republican primary voters were to choose Senator Cruz as their nominee. Somebody who actually wasn’t born in the United States and only 15 months ago renounced his Canadian citizenship.”

Oh.

Snap.

PS He's just so darn cute ... Josh Earnest, I mean, not Ted Cruz.

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