Bobservations

First, a little back story … whenever, and wherever, we go out to eat, and the bill arrives. Carlos looks at it and makes this high-pitched squealed that is part baby Harp seal and part Howler Monkey, and asks:

“Why so much?”

As if he has no idea how much anything costs.

Cut to the other morning, over breakfast, and he’s recounting a dream he’d had.

“I dreamt I went to see Dr. Rojas, and she made me wear a pair of contacts. And when I put them in, I had no more Retinitis Pigmentosa. I could see everything and read everything. And then she told me the cost was $60.00. I asked her is that was a one-time charge or a recurring fee.”

“Wait. What? Your doctor basically fixes your eyes and you’re questioning a sixty-dollar fee? Sheesh, even in your dreams you’re cheap.”

Goddess love him, though I didn’t get to ask if he made that Howler Monkey Harp Seal cry in his dream.

Okay, so either he has the biggest ego—and belly—known to man, or he’s just plain stupid.

Well, in the case 0f _____ it’s actually both.

Last week, while commemorating D-Day, world leaders signed a proclamation marking the 75th anniversary of the invasion.  And while everyone else, every other world leader there that day, signed the proclamation at the bottom, the Fat Bastard scrawled his KKK-looking signature at the top of the document.

I guess he thought D-Day was DumbassDonald-Day.

The Washington State Supreme Court has just handed down a unanimous ruling against Barronelle Stutzman, the owner of Arlene's flowers, who refused to make flower arrangements for a longtime customer because he was marrying a man. The State Supreme Court ruling means that "Stutzman's refusal to provide flowers to the same-sex couple constituted discrimination against sexual orientation."

Last year the U.S. Supreme Court refused to hear Stutzman's case, but did not rule out reviewing it in the future. Take a seat, Barronelle, once again you’ve been judged a bigot.

At last Sunday’s Tony Awards, actress-singer Ali Stroker by being the first person in a wheelchair to take home the Tony for best performance by an actress in a featured role in a musical for her role as Ado Annie in the revival of Rodgers & Hammerstein's "Oklahoma!"

During her acceptance speech, Stroker took the time to recognize any kid at home with a disability who dreams of being an actor:

"This award is for every kid who is watching tonight who has a disability, who has a limitation or a challenge, who has been waiting to see themselves represented in this arena ... You are."

Brava!

In its first ever statement on gender identity, the Vatican rejected the idea that transgender people can change their gender identity in a document titled “Male and Female He Created Them.”

Yes, a bunch of old men in flowing gowns and crowns are telling our trans brothers and sisters about gender and gender identity. And yet these same priests are virtually silent when it comes to their child-raping brethren, so pardon me if I don’t believe a goddamned word that slithers from their mouths.

Now, for something completely different, model Adrien France, who is actually French, and from  Pontault-Combault, France.

Tall, gorgeous, and packing. That’s enough to make a bishop rip off his robes!

Just sayin’.

Tuesday Thought #2

The Buffoon Landed ... With A Thud

Just when you thought _____ was a national embarrassment, he takes off for the Middle East and Europe, thus becoming a global humiliation.

And how did he do that?

For one, after campaigning against “radical Islamic terrorism”, and threatening to ban Muslims from coming to this country, he spoke before a mostly Muslim nation and stopped using his pet phrase and never once mentioned his Muslim Ban because ... lying pandering hypocrite.

He may have also offended Saudi Arabia by referring to “Islamic terror” rather than “Islamist terror.” But, hey, the man who claimed everyone is low energy and Hillary has no stamina, was exhausted that first day out so he cancelled some events and took a nap instead.

And maybe his sleepiness is the reason he called Saudi Arabia’s King Salman “King Solomon”— he was off by 3,000 years—and turned the Strait of Hormuz into the “Straits of Hormuz.”

Or, maybe he meant the heterosexuals of Hormuz? Hard to tell what a buffoon really means when he speaks.

And the buffoon, who once scolded President Barack Obama for bowing before a Saudi ruler, bowed before a Saudi ruler; _____, who once criticized Michelle Obama for failing to wear a headscarf in Saudi Arabia, gave a speech there while his bareheaded wife and daughter listened.

Points, though, to Melania for, not once, but twice, smacking away her husband’s hand as he reached for hers.

And then it was on to Israel, where _____ announced that he “just got back from the Middle East,” apparently unaware—because, yes, he’s a buffoon—that Israel is in the Middle East.

He visited the Wailing Wall and wondered how they got Mexico to pay for it; he visited Yad Vashem, Israel’s Holocaust museum, spending fifteen minutes remembering the six million Jews slaughtered in World War II, and left a note that read:

"It is a great honor to be here with my friends! So amazing and will never forget!"

Oy. 

And then it was on to the Vatican and that awkward photo op with the Pope, where _____ beamed like a buffoon, while the Pope grimaced at the idea of posing with a climate-change denying adulterer and his third wife, apparently dressed for a funeral.

After Monday night’s attack at that concert in Manchester, England, _____ reacted by saying:

“I won’t call them monsters because they would like that term. . . . I will call them from now on losers because that’s what’s they are. They’re losers.”

Yes, he has decided to call murderous terrorists by the same name he calls Rosie O’Donnell, Cher, Rihanna, Mark Cuban, George Will, Charles Krauthammer, Bill Maher, Ana Navarro, Chuck Todd, the attorney general of New York, an astrologer in Cleveland, Gwyneth Paltrow, Howard Stern, Jeb Bush, John McCain, Marco Rubio, Karl Rove, Megyn Kelly, the Huffington Post and the New York Daily News ... among others.

Then the buffoon jetted off to attend a meeting of NATO—an alliance he calls “obsolete”—in Brussels—a city he called a “hellhole”—where it was one gaffe after another ...

Remember that wildly uncomfortable handshake with new French President Emmanuel Macron—whom _____ said he always supported even though he never did—that lasted even longer than creepy eye-roll inducing handshake with Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe.

And what about the video where _____ shoved Montenegro Prime Minister Dusko Markovic out of the way so he could be at the front of a photo op?

That shove, heard ‘round the world, was taken in stride by _____’s victim, Dusko Markovic, who said:

"It didn't really register. I just saw reactions about it on social networks. It is simply a harmless situation."

Markovic then took the high road and thanked _____ for supporting Montenegro's membership in NATO and said, "it is natural that the president of the United States is in the front row."

Except he shouldn’t shove his way to the front.

The buffoon spoke in front of NATO’s new headquarters, and scolded our allied for not paying their bills; this from a man who has been sued more times than I can count for stiffing contractors who have worked for him:

“NATO members must finally contribute their fair share and meet their financial obligations. This is not fair to the people and taxpayers of the United States. And many of these nations owe massive amounts of money from past years and not paying in those past years.”

He went on ranting that “with these chronic underpayments and growing threats, even 2 percent of GDP”—the amount NATO members pledged to move toward by 2024—“is insufficient to close the gaps in modernizing, readiness, and the size of forces. We have to make up for the many years lost.”

And so, he then closed out his classless speech by thanking Germany for contributing a portion of the Berlin Wall, and the 9/11 Museum for donating a remnant from the North Tower, to become part of the NATO headquarters’ new grounds, and then adding:

“I never asked once what the new NATO headquarters cost. I refuse to do that.”

Awkward ... and then awkward-er ... when the buffoon decided to air his grievances over Germany's trade surplus with the US:

“The Germans are evil, very evil. Look at the millions of cars they sell in the U.S. We’ll stop that.” 

Now, I’m not saying that this was _____ being petty and vindictive and spiteful and petulant and spoiled and bratty, toward Germany, and Chancellor Angela Merkel, but his little tirade happened shortly after French President Macron greeted German Chancellor Angela Merkel, and several others, before deigning to take _____’s fat tiny hand in his again.

And finally, after berating our friends and allies in Europe, the buffoon spoke with Belgian Prime Minister Charles Michel and complained that he has had difficulty building golf courses there.

Oh, so that’s why he took the trip ...

See, right before running for the presidency, Citizen ____, threw a tantrum when he learned of plans to build off-shore windmills within sight of the Trump International Golf Links in Scotland. He tried to buy politicians to fight for him before scrapping the Scottish project and building a resort in Ireland instead; and then he took his whining to the Supreme Court where he lost the battle against the clean energy windmills.

Another source—and it might be mu new hero, French President Emmanuel Macron—was baffled by the exchange with Belgium’s leader:

“Every time we talk about a country, he remembered the things he had done. Scotland? He said he had opened a club. Ireland? He said it took him two and a half years to get a license and that did not give him a very good image of the European Union. One feels that he wants a system where everything can be realized very quickly and without formalities.”

As long as it pads his bank account because _____ has just proven himself to be the Ugliest American.

Sorry world.

Monsignor Tony Anatrella Calls Homosexuality A Sin ... Except When He's F**king Men

Monsignor Tony Anatrella, a French priest who has written negatively about gay people and has acted as a counselor to both student and novice priests struggling with their sexuality stands accused of having sex with … wait for it … male clients.

And yet the Monsignor, who has also told Catholic Bishops they are not obligated to report a suspected abuser to authorities, is still regularly consulted on matters of sexuality by the Vatican; you know, when he’s not having sex with men

Daniel Lamarca, one of Anatrella’s accusers, claims the monsignor engaged in various sex acts with him in Anatrella’s Paris office by claiming he could rid Lamarca of his homosexuality if Lamarca would have sex with the father. Lamarca also claims he reported Anatrella to the archbishop of Paris in 2001, but nothing was done.

Go figure.

Another ex-seminarian alleges that he was “counseled” by Anatrella for 14 years up to 2011; his sessions included episodes of mutual masturbation.

Earlier this month, the Archdiocese of Paris acknowledged that in 2014, the current archbishop of Paris received a written complaint about Anatrella but the church could not pursue the matter because the complaint was made anonymously.

Or … because the church doesn’t care about priests sexually abusing anyone.

Anatrella Is well-known in the church for writing an article in the Vatican daily, L’Osservatore Romano, stating that homosexuality was “like an incompleteness and a profound immaturity of human sexuality.” He argued that homosexuality is “a problem in the psychic organization” and said that for theological reasons the Catholic Church can only ordain “men mature in their masculine identity.”

Like the Monsignor, who is so secure in his manhood that he coerces students and novice priests into having sex with him.

The Catholic Church, where hypocrisy and sexual abuse is still alive and well and being covered up.

Towleroad

Random Musings

UPDATE: A judge has ruled that Barronelle Stutzman, owner of Arlene's Flowers in Richland, Washington, who refused to provide flowers to a gay couple for their wedding, has violated state consumer protection and anti-discrimination law because … oh yeah … discrimination is illegal and, well, wrong.

Good.

Now, howsabout that Vatican and The Gays?

See, the Vatican did something it has never done before; it gave a group of US gay and lesbian Catholics some VIP seats at Pope Francis' weekly general audience last week.

Hoo-ray … wait a minute …

The welcome wasn’t all that; the group, the New Ways Ministry, was only identified on the Vatican's list of attendees as a "group of lay people accompanied by a Sister of Loretto."

And the group was never acknowledged or announced; when a Vatican monsignor read the list of the different groups in attendance in St. Peter's Square, he skipped over The Gays altogether, and Pope Frankie failed to mention them, too.

Don’t ask, don’t tell … alive and well in Vatican City.

I don’t camp; well, I used to camp … on a sidewalk for concert tickets. But outdoors? In nature? Oh, honey … no. And I used to say that my idea of camping was a hotel without room service. But last night, while watching Modern Family, I heard my new favorite I Don’t Camp line:

If  you find me in the woods after three days, it means I've been dead for two.

Boo-yah!

Supermodel David Gandy turns thirty-five years old today. In a suit, in his drawers, always hot. That is all … carry on.

So, remember that time noted asshat Lance Armstrong swore up and down on a stack of Bibles that he never used performance enhancing drugs?

And then he confessed to Oprah that he’s a big fat liar and did use the drugs. And then he said, just the other day, that, if given the chance for a do-over, he’d still dope?

Well, apparently courts don’t like it when you commit perjury and an arbitration panel in Texas has ruled Lance Armstrong must pay a $10 million penalty for being a liar.

Now that’s dope.

Okay, it’s no secret that I don’t like Living Blow-Up Doll, AKA Taylor Swift, very much, if at all. But then I stumbled upon this photo of Swifty at the SNL 40th birthday bash sitting next to the Mama Grizzly Bore™ and couldn’t help but laugh.

Swifty’s doing that whole ‘hold your elbow close to your body so you don’t accidentally lay in on the armrest and the crazy grandma in the sequined mini doesn’t touch you.’

Plus, is it just me, or does the MGB™ look like Drunk Grandma at Christmas whilst wearing a dress that her daughter Blister wore back in 2011? Unemployment must not pay if MooseMeat can’t afford new rags.

So, in the Everything Old Is New — and Stupid — Again file comes the premiere of former Friends star Matthew Perry in a reboot of a 160s film and 1960s TV show, The Odd Couple.

Yes, nothing says fresh like a rehash of a fifty year old movie. But, given that it’s CBS — the network of old people … sorry old people, but it’s true — and given that it’s replacing 2.5 Men, which was basically The Odd Couple for the Aughts, I guess it does make sense.

I dunno because I won’t be watching.

So, I 'Like' Andy Borowitz on Facebook. He has that irreverent sense of humor I love so much, and so I'll share his Status Update from earlier in the week:

Racism is funny. Not.

So, y’all remember the story of South African Kyle Roux who learned that his image had popped up on a controversial billboard along a major highway in Virginia for a “No one is born gay” campaign. The billboard showed two pictures of Roux; in one, he wears a suit, while in the other he has on a T-shirt. And the caption read:

“Identical twins. One gay. One not. We believe twin research studies show nobody is born gay."

Trouble was, Roux is not a twin, and Roux is gay, and Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays [PFOX] never bothered to check because, well, liars lie.

Roux didn’t support the sign’s message, and even though PFOX has since taken down the sign, decided to strike back at the group on his own.

Planting Peace, a nonprofit organization based in Topeka, Kansas, erected a new sign down the road from where the PFOX billboard once stood, that looks eerily similar, though it contains a different message.  The new sign features new photographs of Roux with the caption:

“Dear PFOX: Identical twins? I’m not. I’m gay. Regardless of what you believe I was born gay. And I’m proud of who I am.”

PFOX isn’t talking because, well, liars lie and then they hide.

In Good News:

A recent survey of likely GOP voters in the 2016 election cycle showed that Republican voters in South Carolina ... yes, South Carolina ... find opposition to marriage equality mostly or totally unacceptable.

Times do change.

The Funny Papers