I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

The home of actress[?] and extremely self-entitled bad parent, Lori Loughlin and her equally criminal husband, Mossimo Giannulli, was broken into and the thieves made off with $1 million dollars in jewelry.

And I could think was: if you had a million in jewels why’d you have to scam your daughter’s entry in college, unless you just feel like you don’t have to pay for anything.

Sorry, not sorry.

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If you wanna make Prince Andrew “shout and scream” don’t set him up with an underage girl or sue him in civil court for sexual assault, just put any of his 60 teddy bears in the wrong place.

The Duke of York is said to have an extensive collection of cuddly toys carefully arranged on a bed and royal staff were given a laminated photo of the furry menagerie to ensure they were all put back in the right place after cleaning because the sixty-one-year-old prince would fly into a rage if they weren’t exactly how he liked them.

I wonder if he sexually abused Teddy.

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Jamie Lynn Spears is waving the white flag and begging big sister Britney Spears to put an end to their “embarrassing” war of words, taking her pleas to social media:

“Britney — just call me. I have attempted many times to speak to you directly and handle this privately like sisters should, but you still choose to do everything on a public platform. In the meantime, please stop continuing the narrative that I haven’t been there for you or that I’m making things up. I’m happy to share how many times I’ve reached out to you, supported you and tried to help you. This is embarrassing and has to stop. Love you.”

Um, Jamie Lynn? Bless your heart, hon, but that was you all over the media last week talking about your sister and the new book you wrote about your family, so maybe you should keep your mouth shut to the press because you're not only a terrible sister, but a terrible actress as well..

The thirst is real … annoying … for Jamie Lynn.

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It breaks my heart to see true love die, but it’s a fact … Pamela Anderson and her fifth husband, Dan Hayhurst, are divorcing after 53 weeks of marital bliss.

Anderson filed for divorce in her native Canada, where she and her now-estranged husband have been living since they wed on Christmas Eve 2020 in a ceremony on the property of Anderson’s Vancouver Island home. Anderson and Hayhurst’s union was plagued with drama from the get-go, when Hayhurst’s ex Carey ALLEGED that Pammy had split up their family:

“I decided to speak out because I want people to know that my almost five-year relationship, with three children involved, ended because of the affair Pam and Dan started while he was still with me. It’s sad that people celebrate this and cheer them on, when it started with deceit, denials and life-shattering choices for all the people involved.”

If you remember correctly—please get out your Official Pamela Anderson Marriage Cards™—Anderson and Hayhurst began dating in September 2020 right after she ended her twelve-day marriage to Jon Peters. Her marriage to her first husband Tommy Lee, lasted from 1995 to 1998; her second marriage to Kid Rock lasted from 2006 to, well, 2006. She was married to Rick Salomon from 2007 to 2007 and then again from 2014 to 2015.

If she stays true to form, Pammy will marry in a few months from now and then divorce just before Christmas 2021.

Place your bets.

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Now to cleanse the crazy … Betty White would have been 100 years on Monday, though she sadly died a few weeks before that milestone.

Betty adored animals and did tons of work with the Greater Los Angeles Zoo Association and even received the James Smithson Bicentennial Medal in 2017 for her charitable work with zoos and animal shelters. And in honor of what would’ve been Betty’s 100th birthday the #BettyWhiteChallenge was born on social media, encouraging people to donate $5 to animal shelters, rescues, and other organizations across the country.

A rep for GoFundMe confirms that animal-specific fundraisers and donations to animal-related fundraisers are up in the two weeks since Betty passed away, and other organizations are seeing the same trends. Local animal shelters all over the country also reported jumps in donations this week.

Betty’s good works continue, even after she passed.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

It was just three years ago that Demi Lovato suffered a heroin overdose, from which she recovered and decided to live a sober lifestyle.

Now Demi has decided to classify themselves—Lovato's pronouns are ‘they’ and ‘them’—as, ahem,  as “California sober,” meaning they can still smoke weed and drink.

Sounds to me like ‘California Sober’ is just the first step toward rehab or death.

Sorry, Demi, you can’t be ‘a little bit’ sober.

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Olivia Jade Giannulli, Lori Loughlin’s social-media-famous daughter and college-unworthy “rower”, has lashed out at the HBO Max reboot of Gossip Girl which, she says, claimed she capitalized on her parents’ college-admissions scandal and subsequent jail time.

On the show one character quipped that Olivia Jade raked in social media followers because her mom and dad sent to the Big Fuller House over cheating their daughters’ way into USC. 

Olivia Jade, clearly not the sharpest oar in the water—see what I did there? She faked photos of herself on the rowing team so I used oar and … I’ll stop—Tweeted back to the show:

“No, I didn’t.”

Wow, she’s quick. I’m surprised she couldn’t get into USC on her own merits. No, I’m not.

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This is the first ad for the Samantha-less reboot of Sex and the City  called  And Just Like That… Something Nobody Asked For. I kid, I added that last bit.

The three remaining ladies—Cynthia Nixon as Miranda, Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie, and Kristin Davis as Charlotte—are pictured strolling next to a trash can … which is where most of their careers went until someone sold this mess to HBO, and just look at their faces.

SJP’s says, “I’m getting more money than these two ho’s for this drivel.”

Kristen’s says, “Did I get enough Botox and fillers to make me look younger than SJP?”

And Nixon’s face says, “I was a candidate for governor and now I’m back to this shiz?”

Sorry HBO, no Samantha, no me.

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Can you feel the shift in the force after Meghan McCain announced she was leaving the show? It’s good, right? But Meghan, never one to do anything quietly, is responding to the haters and the gossipers who ruining the internet saying McCain was forced pout because no one on the show likes her. Meghan took to social media to respond like this, in a Tweet that has since been deleted:

“So much chatter, so much gossip, so many, many, many questions people are asking me this past week … I pride myself on always taking big risks, rolling the dice, and making unpredictable life and career choices. I’ve never fit in a box and I never will.”

She concluded the post with the New Hampshire state motto:

“Live free or die.”

All that’s missing is the foot stop, Meghan running down the hallway, a slamming door, and the sound of muffled tears in a pillow.

#ByeKaren

The only thing I’ll miss are those tragic daily hair accidents.

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Lotsa people are Team Britney, as the pop singer, Britney Spears, seeks to extricate herself from the conservatorship she’s been under for what seems like decades, but leave it to Madonna to overdo it … much like her face and makeup and, um, “singing’.

In her Instagram Stories, Madonna slammed the conservatorship and compared it to slavery and then positioned herself as a modern-day Harriet Tubman trying to steal Britney towards freedom:

“Give this woman her life back. Slavery was abolished so long ago! Death to the greedy patriarchy that has been doing this to women for centuries. This is a violating of human rights! Britney, we coming to get you out of jail!”

Cue Madge dropping from the ceiling of the courthouse and grabbing Britney up to safety. Then cue Madge trying to make some money off of it.

I think there’s room on the Karen Bench with Meghan.

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And now for something sweet and fun from a real star … Back in 1978 Dolly Parton was asked to pose for Playboy; she declined but did pose in the iconic bunny costume for a cover of the magazine. And Dolly infamously said she’d pose for Playboy when she was seventy-five.

Well, she’s seventy-five, but she has outlived Playboy, so did the next best thing. For her husband Carl Dean’s 79th birthday, Dolly recreated her Playboy cover and showed Carl and the world that she’s still got it, saying:

“Today is July 20. It’s my husband Carl’s birthday and you’re probably wondering why I’m dressed like this. Remember some time back I said I was going to pose for Playboy magazine when I was 75? Well, I’m 75 and they don’t have a magazine anymore but my husband always loved the original cover of Playboy, so I was trying to think of something to do to make him happy. He still thinks I’m a hot chick after 57 years—and I’m not going to try to talk him out of that. I did a little photoshoot in this little outfit and I had a cover made of the new Dolly. The first one, remember this? I was kind of a little butterball in that one. Well, I’m string cheese now. But he’ll probably think I’m cream cheese … I hope.”

Yes, ma’am.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Now that Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes has wound down to nothingness, and the universe righted itself, Andy Kohen sat down with the Koven to discuss their, um, legacy?

It was all rather blah, from what I read since I have never watched anything Kardastrophe—I even turn off Khloé’s insipid commercials—apparently the audience was treated to Kimmy’s take on her minute’s long marriage to basketball player Kris Humphries.

Kim says she owes Humphries an apology—bitch owes the planet an apology— for the way she handled their 72-day marriage and divorce but he was apparently not in a forgiving mood, even when she ran into him the Beverly Hills Hotel a few years back and it did not go well:

“I saw him and all of his friends got up from the table, we had the tables next to each other. All of his friends got up and said hi to me and he literally just looked at me and like wouldn’t even speak to me.”

Kim says Humphries is “faith-based”—meaning religious, something Kimmy knows nothing of because she’s “fame-based”—and wanted an annulment,  which is why he claimed fraud in his filing:

“If I was mature, I would have wanted the annulment too. I wish I was only married once.”

Hey, you aren’t married now, or did you forget that Kanye already has a new side-piece he’s traveling with in Europe? You dragged Kris Humphries into marriage for a TV show and then dumped his ass when the ratings didn’t go up.

That’s what happens Kimmy when you live your life for social media.

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Britney Spears has been a pop star since the last century but has been laying low for several years now due to legal battles with her daddy about her money.

But, in a new Instagram Q&A, BritBrit says she’s not sure if she’ll ever sing again ... and the world heaved a sigh of relief.

There’s more to this story, but I want to leave it on a high note.

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Disney+’s latest superhero series, Marvel’s Falcon and the Winter Soldier, is a hit, but one of its stars, Anthony Mackie, seems a tad peevish that people online are saying his character Sam Wilson AKA the Falcon is secretly in love with Bucky Barnes AKA the Winter Soldier, played by Sebastian Stan.

First things first: I am in love with Sebastian Stan. Get that queer, Anthony. And now, back to snark …

Anthony has gone after the Twitterers who envision homo-love for Sam and Bucky, saying that two straight men can have a strong friendship without the “gay”:

“There’s so many things that people latch on to with their own devices to make themselves relevant and rational. The idea of two guys being friends and loving each other in 2021 is a problem because of the exploitation of homosexuality … It used to be guys can be friends, we can hang out, and it was cool. You can’t do that anymore, because something as pure and beautiful as homosexuality has been exploited by people who are trying to rationalize themselves.”

Wait; he calls homosexuality pure and beautiful, but doesn’t want you thinking Sam and Bucky are the new homo Sam and Diane?

Mixed messaging, Anthony. Luckily, the uber hot Sebastian Stan doesn’t share Mackie’s views; he says:

“I’m just happy that the relationship is embraced, and it should be embraced in whatever way or fashion that people desire and want it to be.”

Which is why I think they are gay and in love and that I’d like to be the meat in a Sam-and-Bucky sammich.

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In the Everything Old Is New Again File … Chris Brown has once again been accused of attacking a woman.

Police showed up at Brown’s home after a woman them saying she’d just been slapped in the face by Chris and the attack caused part of her weave to come out.

Chris responded via Instagram—because, why not—by telling everyone that the accusations are so damn “cap,” meaning people are spreading lies.

And so there you have it … known abuser Chris Brown says he did not abuse another woman.

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More from In the Everything Old Is New Again File … serial cheater, Tristan Thompson—who cheated on his baby mama with   Khloé Kardastrophe, whom he cheated on when she was pregnant—has been accused of allowing his penis out without a leash … again.

Apparently, Tristan went to the birthday party of YouTuber Tana Mongeau and was seen entering a room with 3 women and when he came out he was, um, “disheveled.” To be fair, he might have been helping them move furniture but … serial cheater.

As the story broke, though, it was reported that Tristan and Khloé broke up for the millionth time and the Koven wants you to know that the breakup happened weeks ago and so Tristan wasn’t technically cheating on Khloe … again.

Uh huh.

Note to Tristan: if you wanna end this now, just say you thought you were boning Khloé, and she’s had so many knew faces, you thought this was just the newest one.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Ten years ago, Daniel Radcliffe, AKA Harry Potter, said goodbye to alcohol and committed to a sober life. He was just twenty at the time. Now thirty, he is laying the blame for being a drunk at the feet of … Harry Potter:

“If I went out and if I got drunk, I’d suddenly be aware of there being interest in that because it’s not just a drunk guy. It’s ‘Oh, Harry Potter’s getting drunk in the bar.' It’s inherently funny for people.”

Well, that might be true, but then that would presume that every celebrity who is most well-known for one role would be out getting drunk; but only people with a proclivity for alcoholism are getting drunk and blaming it on a role they played. And then he blamed being a child star:

“They are by that point the breadwinner for their family. So multiple people are now reliant on them continuing to do this job and they feel pressured into it and forced into it.”

Again, though, Dan, I need to disagree, because you are again presupposing that it’s a situation that makes you a drunk—being a child star, in this case—and not your own choices, or your own genetics.

I mean, if being a child star meant you’d turn out to be a drug-addled drunk in public bar hopping loon please explain how Lindsay Lohan stayed sober all these years … or Dana Plato … Dustin Diamond … Amanda Bynes …

Oh, wait, maybe he’s right because … nope, Neil Patrick Harris … Joseph Gordon-Levitt … Natalie Portman … or even Daniel’s Potter co-star Emma Watson. They turned out fine.

So, I’m glad you’re sober Dan, but it wasn’t Potter and it wasn’t child stardom.

It was you.

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And speaking of celebrities at a loss for how the real world works … Gwyneth Paltrow.

Last week, the GOOP Instagram account posted a photo of Paltrow’s $1,000.00 outfit, with the caption: 

“Most days you’ll find GP wearing G.Label with a pair of sneakers—which is one reason we make it an annual tradition to put together a fresh sneaker guide each year. Get ready to cover some serious ground (run, don’t walk).”

 Yes, Paltrow wants y’all to run out and drop a grand on her ugly ass clothes and tennis shows that you can wear while you self-isolate.

And because Paltrow is tone deaf and privileged and unaware of the outside world if it doesn’t feature her, Twitter and Instagram dragged her and GOOP so hard and so long that she was forced to delete the post.

And replaced it with one about working at home without the need for a $1,000 outfit you can get at Walmart or Target for about $30.

Oh, Gwynnie, as we say herein the south: Bless your heart.

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Last we heard about Brandi Glanville, ex-member of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, she was engaged in a lesbian affair with RHoBH’s Denise Richards—even though now they both deny there was any muff diving.

So, what’s Brandi to do? Talk about the men who’ve schtupped her. Yes, the woman who became famous because her husband, Eddie Cibrian, was cheating on her with LeAnn Rimes, and rode that story to a “career” in reality TV, is now dishing the dirt about dick.

Recently on the Everything Iconic podcast, Brandi talked about her famous, er, infamous, f**ks, besides Gerard Butler:

“I dated a lot, I made out a lot. I made out with one of the men in ‘The Notebook.’ They were single at the time, that’s all I will say. I can’t say [who].”

And we’ll stop, because clearly it wasn’t Ryan Gosling, because if it was, she’d be shrieking it from a rooftop somewhere near Gosling’s home, so it must have been Billy Connolly, the guy in The Notebook who wasn’t Ryan Gosling. And there’s more:

“I dated Ben Stiller for a little while, he has a giant penis.”

Well, to be fair, Ben did admit on Watch What Happens Live  that he and Brandi went on a couple dates before he was married, and it was “fun”. But Brandi is also insisting that she went out with two of the Friends … but not Chandler Bing:

“We went back to [Matt LeBlanc’s] house, he let his dog lick his ice cream and I was out. I was like, ‘Nope.’ I was totally gonna have sex with him, then the dog licked the ice cream and he licked the ice cream and I was like, ‘I can’t.’”

So, she set her sights on Schwimmer, David Schwimmer:

“He wore makeup. He wore concealer out during the day and it really annoyed me. I understand you’re on set, you’re used to wearing makeup, but I wasn’t used to a man wearing makeup. In the moment, it bothered me.”

Brandi also claims Schwimmer called her a “bigger girl,” even though she only weighed “like 109 pounds.”

Keep in mind, now, that the woman who cried adultery when her husband cheated, clearly did a little cheating herself; and keep in mind that, with the exception of Stiller, who begrudgingly admitted to a “date,” and LeBlanc, who has said not one word about Brandi, that David Schwimmer says she’s clearly lying, and Gerard Butler, when asked about a Glanville hook-up went all Mariah Carey and said:

“Who?”

She isn’t that memorable.

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Britney Spears may screech about working, bitch, she wants y’all to know that she’s done with it.

Apparently BritBrit no longer wants to work because she doesn’t want to continue keeping herself under the conservatorship of her father and earning him any more coins.Britney resents the fact that her dad is given a $10,000 monthly allowance for her finances.

Look., here’s my take: she’s a terrible singer, and a so-so entertainer, and has a history of instability, so if she wants to stay home with her 26-year-old boyfriend, Sam Asghari, I say:

“Work that, bitch.”

I would.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I’d say this is shocking but … why lie.

Apparently, Nicholas cage’s wife of four days, Erika Koike, is going after his coins. After 96 hours of marriage, Koike has become accustomed to a certain lifestyle and now needs his money to maintain it. And even though Cage has filed for an annulment she is seeking spousal support.

Cage has been married three times before—Alice Kim, Lisa Marie Presley, Patricia Arquette—and had been dating Erika for one year when he decided the fourth time would be The One until, four days in, he decided it wasn’t and asked for an annulment. But Erika wasn’t going to let all her hard work of dating Cage for a year and being his wife for four days go to waste, so she speed-dialed her lawyer to sue for coins.

And then it gets more cluttered … Cage says in his annulment documents that he “reacted on impulse and without the ability to recognize or understand the full impact of his actions” –even though it was his fourth time at the altar—and claimed that Erika was shady and the marriage was based on “fraud”. Erika then countered Cage’s claims saying he reached out to her 12 days after he filed for an annulment because he wanted to start again “in the right way” and thus their relationship could not be a fraud, except … now Erika wants out, as long as she gets coins.

Look, the only thing I know about this is that Cage is a moron, and Koike is clearly a gold-digger! They sound perfect for each other.

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Oh Oprah, go make a sandwich.

Once again Winfrey is trying to pass herself off as ‘one of the people’—even though she is a multi-billionaire—by complaining about the price of avocados. But, unlike ‘one of us’ who would simply stop making guacamole, bloated Oprah opted to buy an avocado orchard instead.

Yes, avocadoes are expensive so I’m buying an orchard. She thinks that’s the solution to overpriced produce.

Seriously. Perhaps she should eat some fish, or drink some coffee, or have blueberries, or turmeric, or broccoli, or pumpkin seeds, all considered brain food before she goes off the rails about buying an avocado orchard.

One of the people her fat ass.

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Guard your umbrellas, Crazy Britney Spears may be back.

Now, here’s the tea …in January, Brit Brit announced that she was dropping her latest Las Vegas residency Domination before it even started because her father, and conservator, Jamie suffered a ruptured colon and she wanted to care for him. Then … ALLEGEDLY … Jamie Spears’ condition worsened, and the stress was so bad that Brit voluntarily checked herself into a 30-day mental health program. 

BUT, now some folks say that Britney is being held against her will in that mental institution and that Jamie put her there in January after she stopped taking her meds. Jamie, at first, threatened to pull Domination and use his sickness as the excuse, and then, when Brit continued skipping her dosages, he cancelled the show. A few days later, the paparazzi snapped her driving—something she is not allowed to do—so Jamie had her committed.

Naturally, as happened when celebrities go off the rails, there are conflicting stories. While Britney is in a mental health facility she is not being held against her will. Apparently everything ALLEGEDLY went south because Brit got a new team of lawyers and doctors to help her and her meds situation was a mess; add to that, people are saying Jamie began giving Brit more and more freedom and they were worried she “could’ve died” so Daddy Spears decided to put her in treatment, and use his illness as an excuse.

No one knows when Brit will get out, but, while she is not being held against her will, Britney did not really want to go to rehab … 

... and now Amy Winehouse is playing in my head.

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A few months back, “actress” Tara Reid sued the producers of Sharknado because they used her likeness in other promotional ventures. She was asking $100 million in damages for profiting off her image. But now, quietly Reid has dropped the suit.

Reid claimed the producers behind Sharknado, Asylum Entertainment and SYFY Media Productions used her likeness for different ventures, including a Sharknado slot machine, and that $100 million would be the sum she needed to recover from the trauma. But then last week, without warning, Reid filed court papers saying she’s dropping all claims and will dismiss her entire lawsuit.

I guess she was a’scurred that a judge would look her in the face and laugh out loud at the notion that she thought her likeness was worth $100 million.

More like a roll of pennies.

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Best parents ever, Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli, pleaded not guilty to using $500,000 to ALLEGEDLY bribe their moderately intelligent daughters’ way into USC but now may change their pleas so that prosecutors won’t come after their totally innocent girls.

Totally innocent. Lori and Mossimo will do anything they can to keep their daughters safe from, ahem, “malicious prosecution” even though we now know that Lori and Mossimo’s plan was to paint their younger daughter as a crew coxswain for the L.A. Marina Club team, and that they provided an “action shot” of the girl on the ‘erg’—or rowing machine.

Trouble is, the daughter posed on the machine and we’re to believe that she had no idea why her parents took her to the yacht club, put her in a uniform, and asked her to pose on a piece of equipment?

Not today Satan. This all means that dim-bulb Olivia Jade either fully knew about this plan, or she took a picture for her parents on a random rowing machine one day because … Instagram?

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It's Snarkurday!

Ouch! When Fadi Fawaz found out that he didn’t make it into his late boyfriend George Michael’s will, he went on a Twitter tear, saying:

“George I hate you.”

He then Tweeted, again, on how George died, speculating, again, that it was a suicide.

Nice. Your love has died, and didn’t leave you anything in the will—George’s cousin Andros Georgiou says the estate was divided up between charities, his sisters, and a couple of his housekeepers—and this is how you act?

Maybe George knew that and that’s why you got zip, zilch, nada.

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In I Need A Silkwood Scrub-Down news … last week Kelsey Grammer appeared on Conan and talked about his tattoo … located just above his old man junk because nothing is cooler than grandpa with a dick tat.

And the tattoo is the name of his fourth wife, Kayte Walsh, who apparently demanded the ink:

“I think it was more, sort of, an ownership thing. My wife said, ‘Why don’t you get a tattoo?’… I guess, maybe, it was based on the idea if ever, I thought maybe a peccadillo outside the marriage, was a good idea. Whoever it might be, would read that this particular piece of equipment was already signed for, and owned, by someone named Kayte.”

Seriously. If Kayte thinks a tattoo will stop Kelsey Grammer, who cheated on his third wife with his fourth wife, from cheating, she needs one on her forehead that reads:

“Vacant.”

Just sayin’.

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We never hear from Charlie Sheen unless he’s pulled a knife on someone or crawled back to rehab or claims he’s too broke to pay his bills.

Ding.Ding.Ding. It’s that last one! Sheen is once again ALLEGING that he is too poor to handle paying child support to both his exes, Denise Richards and Brooke Mueller. He has filed a request with the court system asking to have his child support adjusted because his finances are no longer in the tens of millions and he can’t afford his kids:

“I have been unable to find steady work, and have been blacklisted from many aspects of the entertainment industry.” 

To be fair, as fair as one can be with Sheen, he pays first ex-0wife Denise some $20,000 a month for their two girls, and gives Brooker Mueller about $55,000 a month for their two boys.

I guess boys cost more?

Charlie says he has less than $10 million in the bank … oh the pain … do you need food stamps? Or, better yet, go get a job washing cars, being a pimp, making mochas.

I mean, that’s what a judge might tell any deadbeat dad, much less one with 10 million in the bank.

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Kim Kardastrophe. Plastic surgery addicted homophobe.

It’s true; Tyson Beckford saw a photo of Kim online and suggested that her plastic surgeon biffed her right hip, and then said he’s did not care for women who had plastic surgery. Now, that’s not nice, even if it’s directed at media whore Kim Kardastrophe who just said a few weeks ago that she was easing up on her social media posts and then tripled her posts.

But I digress. Kim saw Tyson’s response and she said:

“Sis we all know why you don’t care for it.”

Media whore. Plastic surgery addict. Homophobe.

Oh, and let’s not forget that this same week, she cheered and when her family said she was so thin that she looked anorexic because, you know, anorexia is a diet.

This bitch.

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Oh Britney Spears … stop talking. Stop “singing” too, for that matter. This past week, while performing onstage at Brighton Pride, BritBrit forgot where she was and turned to a backup dancer to ask:

“Where are we?”

The dancer replied:

“Brighton Pride bitch.” 

Okay, maybe that last word was just me, but then BritBrit shrieked:

“What’s up Brighton Pride!”

Oy.

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Oh, incest is good for a laugh, no?

Former Kardastrophe wannabe—she’s Rob Kardastrophe’s ex—Blac Chyna has a new, eleven years younger boyfriend, rapper YBN Almighty Jay, who recently posted to Instagram that he is Blac’s “oldest son.”

Cuz, you know, incest is a joke.

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More Kardastrophe news? Too bad, you’re getting it anyway …

On a recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardastrophe’s one Khloé Kardastrophe spurted out some really stupid shiz from that mammoth mouth of hers:

"I was pregnant during this entire season of KUWTK. Some women get “pregnancy lips”. I was one of them. So my lips look crazy and massive. Trust me. I know and I hated it. A lot of wild sh*t happens to your body and face while pregnant. It’s out of our control. Most people don’t have to film during an entire pregnancy so just watch the show and be kind about growing body and lips. Pregnant women should be off limits.”

Siddown.  Cuz if you hated your fat lips, then why all the Instagram photos of you and your lips? Not the baby bump, but the ginormous lips?

Be honest, you took the fat from Kim’s ass and Kanye’s head and injected it in your lips.

Okurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

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Add Kathleen Turner to the list of people who give no f**ks … right alongside one Miss Patti LuPone.

Turner gave an interview in which she tore into everyone from Elizabeth Taylor, Nicolas Cage, Burt Reynolds, the Friends cast, ____, and Hollywood.

She starts off with saying Taylor was all wrong for the role in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? —roles Turner took to Broadway:

“[Taylor] has a bad voice, badly used. In any case, people are after me all the time to do Sweet Bird of Youth, and I’m like, ‘Enough Taylor shit!’”

Then comes Cage and that weird voice he did in Peggy Sue Got Married:

“It was tough to not say, ‘Cut it out.’ But it wasn’t my job to say to another actor what he should or shouldn’t do. So I went to [director] Francis [Ford Coppola]. I asked him, ‘You approved this choice?’ It was very touchy. He [Nicolas Cage] was very difficult on set. But the director allowed what Nicolas wanted to do with his role, so I wasn’t in a position to do much except play with what I’d been given. If anything, it [Cage’s portrayal] only further illustrated my character’s disillusionment with the past. The way I saw it was, yeah, he was that asshole.”

Next up, Burt Reynolds:

“Working with Burt Reynolds was terrible. The first day Burt came in he made me cry. He said something about not taking second place to a woman. His behavior was shocking. It never occurred to me that I wasn’t someone’s equal.”

And as for that other misogynistic tool, _____:

“He goes to shake your hand and with his index finger kind of rubs the inside of your wrist. He’s trying to do some kind of seductive intimacy move. You pull your hand away and go yuck.”

As for the cats of Friends, where Kathleen played Chandler Bing’s drag queen father; she claims she didn’t exactly get a warm welcome from the cast because they were such a little clique and anybody on the outside really didn’t matter to them. When she was asked about their acting talent, she replied:

“I won’t comment on that.”

And then she gave a little gossip, of the Blind Item Variety.

“I’ll give you an example, but you mustn’t include her name. [Very famous Hollywood actress] has played the same role for 20 years. She even looks pretty much the same. She’s probably one of the richest women out there, but I would shoot myself if I were like that, only giving people what they expect.”

Sounds a little Julia to me.

Gosh, I’d love to sit in the shade and sip some tea with Turner.

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