I Didn't Say It ....

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Random Musings

Carlos and I watched a TV show a long time ago called Kyle XY and, as he does because he thinks everyone is gay, Carlos would say that lead actor Matt Dallas was a big old homo.

Turns out his Gaydar was pinging correctly as Matt Dallas recently Tweeted of his engagement to Blue Hamilton, an independent musician based in Los Angeles.

Welcome out, Matt, and look for the Homo HQ Toaster Oven as a combined Engagement and Coming Out gift!

So, there was this man who called 911 to say that he was stuck in a pair of handcuffs and needed help before it, um, became a ‘medical emergency.’

If I had a nickel for every time I …. But I digress.

It turns out, however that the man was Father Tom Donovan, the pastor of St. Aloysius church in Springfield, Illinois.

“I’m going to need help getting out before this becomes a medical emergency,” Father Donovan told a dispatcher who asked, “You’re stuck in a pair of handcuffs?”

“(I was) playing with them and I need help getting out.”

 It’s not clear exactly how he ended up in handcuffs or why he feared a medical emergency but his voice appeared muffled on the recording and sources say when police arrived to remove the cuffs, they found the good Father with some sort of gag in his mouth.

Now, I thought that may have been gossip Overkill until I listened to the recording.

You be the judge. [Sidenote: Bishop Thomas Paprocki granted Father Donovan’s request after his 911 escapade.

OMG. Cher is coming back to TV!

More than 40 years after The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour premiered, Logo has announced that the Oscar and Grammy winner has signed a deal for a pilot script set in early 1960s Hollywood. She'll be collaborating with comedian Ron Zimmerman. Zimmerman has been romantically linked to Cher in recent years and counts Shake It Up! and 'Til Death among his most recent TV writing credits.

The Cher scripted development project comes as the network is pushing hard into original scripted efforts. Should the Cher project move to series, it would join a roster of original programming that has included Exes and Ohs, Noah's Arc and Sordid Lives, among others.

It’s a Cher production, bitches, and I’ll be watching.

Note to Azealia Banks:

Knock it off.

If you bite the Gay Hand that feeds you, you just might find yourself in a Bargain Bin at CD World and nowhere at all on iTunes.

Also.....

Note to Fantasia:

Knock it off.

Quit apologizing and re-apologizing. You said what you said, you said it was taken out of context, you made yourself clear.

Move on.

BTW Aren't you already in the Bargain Bin at CD World and nowhere on iTunes?

Justified is back, which means Timothy Olyphant is back, which me I am very, very happy.

I just found a show called The Burn with Jeff Ross which is highly offensive, blatantly politically incorrect and absolutely highlarious. It's on Comedy Central, check your local listings.

Downton Abby. I've missed you so.

Being Human starts next week, and, for me, any time you can do a dramatic version of Three's Company with a vampire, a werewolf and a ghost as roommates, I'm in.

Former Representative Gabrielle Giffords, herself the victim of gun violence, and her husband, Mark Kelly, have launched a new group and website to battle the gun lobby: 

Dear fellow American,  Two years ago, a mentally ill young man shot me in the head, killed six of my constituents, and wounded 12 others. Since that terrible day, America has seen 11 more mass shootings – but no response from Congress to prevent gun violence. After the massacre of 20 children and six of their teachers at Sandy Hook Elementary though, it’s clear: This time must be different. Americans for Responsible Solutions will encourage elected officials to stand up for solutions to prevent gun violence and protect responsible gun ownership by communicating directly with the constituents that elect them. Join us today, and tell your elected leaders that Americans are demanding responsible solutions to reduce gun violence.

The Giffords say that they both own guns and support the Second Amendment.

And now to share something humorous from Paul Rudnick, for The New Yorker.

CRUISE CONTROL

When Tom Cruise . . . [was] looking to hire a new estate manager . . . prospective staffers had to undergo rigorous testing at the Scientology Celebrity Center in Los Angeles. . . . “The test took an entire afternoon and included questions such as, ‘if you saw a car stuck on the train tracks with people inside, and a train approaching, what would you do?’ ” —Radar Online.

Sources have revealed additional questions from this grueling exam:

1. If a stranger was standing outside a cineplex and trying to decide whether to see “The Hobbit” or Tom’s new film, “Jack Reacher,” what would you tell that person?

(a) “Tom stars in both movies.”

(b) “If Jack Reacher wanted to slay a dragon and recapture the dwarves’ ancestral city, he wouldn’t need three movies to do it.”

(c) “Would you ever want to see a hobbit with its shirt off?”

2. Tom has been married to three lovely actresses. If you glimpsed another lovely actress wandering past the estate, what would you say to her?

(a) “Come inside—we have a warm fire, porridge, and an ironclad prenup.”

(b) “The master is currently in Europe, slaughtering aliens, but would you like to watch ‘Cocktail’?”

(c) “I must warn you, if you keep walking, you’ll come to a wooden footbridge, where George Clooney will ask you out.”

3. If a friend mocked Scientology as a creepy ersatz religion, how would you reply?

(a) “Kirstie Alley looks just like the Buddha.”

(b) “Someday a Scientologist will be President, in a miniseries.”

(c) “A Scientologist is just a Mormon with an agent.”

4. If Tom asked you to explain how the universe came into being, how would you answer?

(a) “You really should ask Mr. Travolta.”

(b) “For me, life began when I saw you do that walk-on in ‘Endless Love.’ ”

(c) “I don’t know and I don’t care, as long as your toilets are sparkling.”

5. If there was a bus coming right at you, and you could save only Tom or Ryan Gosling, whom would you save?

(a) I would stack them.

(b) I would save Tom, because then he could heal Ryan, with his grin.

(c) I would sacrifice myself, so that Tom and Ryan could make a buddy movie, in which they’d play a pair of C.I.A. operatives and Jennifer Lawrence would be the Secretary of State who loves them both.

6. If you left three monkeys alone in a room with a pair of mirrored aviator sunglasses and a leather bomber jacket, would they eventually write a sequel to “Top Gun” or would they just form a Village People tribute band?

7. If you accidentally served Tom and his guests using paper plates, what would you do to show remorse?

(a) Watch “Knight and Day” all the way through.

(b) Watch “Interview with the Vampire” without giggling.

(c) Watch “Days of Thunder” and then tell Tom, “For the first time, I understand cars.”

8. Tom was very funny and demonstrated a terrific singing voice in “Rock of Ages.” Why wasn’t he offered the role of Fantine, the tragic French prostitute, in “Les Misérables”?

(a) Scheduling.

(b) Fantine is a loser.

(c) Instead of “I Dreamed a Dream,” Tom wanted to sing “Call Me Maybe.”

9. In “Valkyrie,” Tom plays a sympathetic Nazi who wears an eye patch and speaks with an American accent. If Tom asked you what you thought of his performance, what would you say?

(a) “You were totally Goebbels!”

(b) “One eye, five stars!”

(c) “Best Nazi ever!!!”

10. If a meteor was hurtling toward Earth, and there was only enough room on the last escaping spaceship for Tom, his adorable six-year-old daughter, Suri, and one other person, what would you tell Tom?

(a) “Put your coat on the extra seat so everyone will think someone’s already sitting there.”

(b) “Maybe Suri has a little friend from school who can grow up and marry you.”

(c) “When that meteor incinerates me, I’ll just remind myself, ‘Well, I did use paper plates.’ ” 

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

Someone is obviously jealous that Lindsay's getting all the press.

No-talent, asshat, ho.............tel heiress, Paris Hilton was arrested last night in Las Vegas for cocaine possession. If we check the Paris Hilton Drug Arrest board this makes, um, her third such arrest this summer, after two scrapes with the law in South Africa and Europe for pot possession.

Yeah, she really wants the Lindsay Lohan Fame.

According to police, Paris was the passenger in a vehicle that was pulled over after officers noticed the car leaving a "smoke trail". The driver was arrested for DUI of the drug, not alcohol, sort, and Paris Skankton was discovered to be in possession of a controlled substance.

Tests revealed that substance to be cocaine, and Paris was arrested, though she was released on her own recognizance.

I don't think she even knows what that means.

It seems that he hasn't made the gossip pages in about thirty seconds so Levi Johnston decided to remedy the situation. He has decided to take back his apology to Mama Grizzly Bore.
Levi, hungry for fame, told the CBS Early Show that the only thing he regrets doing is making an apology to The Quitter From Wasilla:
"The only thing I wish I wouldn't have done is put out that apology, because it kind of makes me sound like a liar. And I've never lied about anything. So that's probably the only thing. The rest of the stuff I can live with."
If you'll recall, his original apology was no doubt releases to keep the spotlight a'shining on him. It was then that he said "things about the Palins that were not completely true." And he added that he had privately apologized to The Moron and her husband, Mister Moron.
His two-time former fiance, and baby mama, Bristol, even weighed in following the apology to praise Johnston for doing the "honorable thing."
Uh huh, she knows all about honorable.
Johnston told CBS that the original apology was "something I did to make my fiancee happy. She wanted it so we wrote something down and we sent it out because that's what she wanted. Together we put it out there."
And when The Eye asked him why he'd sign something he didn't believe, Levi said, "I'm as dumb as a stump."
Okay, I said he was dumb as a stump. He said, "Trust me it's easier to make them happy. If you gotta live with them, you gotta make them happy. I wish I hadn't put out that apology, it makes me look like a liar. The rest of stuff I can live with."
As long as it brings him fame.
Like one-time-almost-mama-bore-in-law, Levi hungers for the limelight.
That whole asshat group is just made for each other.

Y'all know that Australia used to be a Penal Colony, right?
Tee hee. Penal.
And it is apparently a penal colony again today for one Paul Hogan, star of a string of movie hits--okay, two hits and a misfire--back in the mid-1950s.
Hogan has actually been barred from leaving Australia until he pays a disputed tax bill, his lawyer said on Thursday. This is odd, only because Hogan currently lives in Los Angeles, so, is he a fugitive? Is there a bounty on his head?
Nope, he went back to Australia to attend the funeral of his mother, Florence, where he was served with an Australian Taxation Office order that prevents him from leaving Australia until he settles a multimillion dollar tax bill.
Yikes! Put another shrimp on the barbie! Hogan's gonna be Down Under for a while.
His lawyer, Andrew Robinson said: "These may not be the appropriate circumstances to effectively make Paul a prisoner of Australia" because it is "absolutely devastating" for his wife, and Crocodile Dundee co-star Linda Kozlowski, and their 12-year-old son Chance, who stayed in LA rather than attend the funeral.
Australian tax and crime investigators have fought Hogan for five-years in Australian and U.S. courts to investigate evidence that he used offshore bank accounts to conceal earnings since his low-budget Dundee trilogy became international hits in the 80s.
The 80s? Really?
Authorities claim Hogan owes taxes on 38 million Australian dollars--$34 million US bucks--in ALLEGEDLY undisclosed income. Hogan, obviously, has denied any wrongdoing and disputes the tax bill.
But until then, he's stuck in a penal colony.
Tee hee.

Someone is a Diva!
Twilight, um, star[?] Taylor Lautner, who is really only famous for his abs, is suing McMahon’s RV Dealership in Irvine, CA for not delivering his $300,000 customized trailer in time for the start of his new film Abduction.
Dee.Vah!
According to Lautner, the deal had been negotiated by his daddy, Dan, and he was supposed to have his trailer by June. Since it didn't arrive in time, and he probably had to stay in a $100,000 RV, Tay-Tay is stomping his feet and throwing his tiara and suing the dealership for breach of contract and fraud.
So, what does someone with little real talent, except for the ability to do crunches by the hundreds, want in an RV? Well, I"m glad you asked. Tay-Tay's customizations include:

• A very extensive ab-workout machine, which spans the entire length of the trailer.
• A built-in juice bar, which makes smoothies that are conducive to maintaining his abs, which are his bread and butter.
• A refrigerator for holding anything but bread and butter.
• A hot tub, wherein Taylor can sip smoothies and canoodle film extras of questioning orientation.

I certainly hope the RV dealership comes through with the ride, or settles the lawsuit. Pretty, vacant boys like Taylor Lautner will not be treated like normal folk.

Wait till you hear this! This is ridiculous!
Bristol Palin, teenage mother and hypocrite advocate for abstinence, is set to be a guest speaker at a benefit in Louisville, Kentucky to raise money for a shelter home for single mothers.
Something dear to little Bristol's tiny tiny heart, so I would imagine that she would do the speech for free, or, at the very least, just for expenses.
Uh, no. The money-grubbing-fame-whoring-sell-out doesn't fall far from the tree, and Bristol will be getting $14,000 to speak.
And why? Is it because Bristol knows whereof she speaks? Is it because she's been in need of a home for single mothers?
Oh gosh no. It's because she'll sell herself to the highest bidder to make whatever profit she can off her baby, er, mistakes. I guess it was a good thing, after all, that Levi knocked her up, dumped her, got back together, got engaged, and got dumped, because now she really does appear to be a pathetic loser with the morals of a sloth.
But that's just me.

Kara Dioguardi is funny.
The recently fired judge on American Idol is spinning her removal from the show into a more favorable light.
According to a source--and by source I mean the gal who ALLEGEDLY pees in a cup for Kara's court-ordered drug tests--Kara has been trying to leave American Idol for quite a while now:
"She went to Fox two months ago and told them she didn't want to do another season. She's ready to move on. She did two years and thinks that's enough."
Uh huh. Funny how this, um, story, comes out after she got the boot.
The source, after urinating into plastic containers, adds that Kara is contractually obligated by FOX from taking meetings with other companies or networks:.
"It's frustrating because she can't even take any meetings…everyone wants to know what her schedule will be like, but she doesn't know. What happens if Fox tells her they still want her for next season?"
Sounds like someone, who spent the last year travelling around the land talking up Idol, is trying to save face.
Deal with it, Kara.
You're fired!

Fantasia ALLEGEDLY stole Paula Cook’s husband, and now Cook may steal the spotlight.
Cook, the wife of one Antwaun Cook, who has been seeing Fantasia extramaritally and adulterally, is being courted for interviews on talk shows by Mo’Nique and….Oprah-I-Need-The-Ratings-Before-My-Show-Takes-Its-Last-Breath Winfrey.
A source--and by source, I mean the homeless guy outside the Bi-Lo in Raleigh--says:
“Paula has been approached by Oprah’s people to go on her chat show. She still hasn’t decided what she will do though, and she was also approached by Mo’Nique too.”
And then the source goes off on Fantasia, who tried unsuccessfully to commit suicide, and then went on the talk shows to promote her new album:
“Despite anything that Fantasia may say about Antwaun being separated from his wife when she started dating him, Paula firmly believes that she knowingly got involved with a married man.”
Oh yes she went there.
And, if she goes on Oprah, I wonder how Fantasia will take it, since she starred in OPRAH WINFREY'S The Color Purple on Broadway?

Despite being diagnosed with throat cancer, Michael Douglas has refused to delay his court battle with ex-wife Diandra Douglas over her claim that she's entitled to half his earnings from the upcoming Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps.
Diandra, like the good ex-wife who wants to bleed the ban dry, offered to postpone the hearing, but Douglas declined.

"He wants to get this over with as soon as possible," a source--and by source, I mean Catherine Zeta Jones, publicity whore--told Page Six. Diandra's lawsuit hinges on a clause in the Douglas's divorce settlement that entitles her to 50 percent of any earnings Michael receives from any movies he did during their 23-year marriage. And, Diandra's lawyers believe that provision includes any "spinoffs" of Douglas' movies, which would include Oliver Stone's Wall Street follow-up.
Michael's lawyer, Marilyn Chintz--what a name for a lawyer--says Diandra is misinterpreting the agreement, and it doesn't apply to the Wall Street sequel because it wasn't on the horizon when the two split, and he couldn't have guaranteed that he'd be in a sequel if one were ever made. Chintz-y told the judge" "When does it stop? ... She's not Mrs. Michael Douglas anymore. It's enough. It's time for Ms. Douglas to move on and let Mr. Douglas move on and enjoy his life, without having to concern himself with someone trying to claw back moneys that they're not entitled to."
And Diandra, to be fair, has gotten her perfectly manicured claws into the money to which she is entitled: she received a divorce settlement ALLEGEDLY in excess of $45 million, and has been paid an additional $6.3 million from her stake in residual proceeds from other past projects.
Six.point.three.million.
Diandra's lawyer, Nancy Chemtob, says her client isn't money-hungry...I know!....and isn't clinging to her ex-husband. "She has her own identity, and she's proud of it. My client is not greedy. The exact opposite is true. Mr. Douglas is seeking to shirk his financial responsibility that was entered into when he signed this contract."
This might get as ugly as the divorce, when Diandra accused Michael of sex and alcohol addiction and multiple infidelities.
And someone will get rich. Er.

Michaele and Tariq Salahi, the White House party crashers and unbelievable fame whores, recently gave a party to raise money for the troops. They held they benefit at a gay club in DC, charged $25 cover charges, and $500 VIP access, and then say the packed event made no money, so the Iraq war veteran charity will receive no money.
According to the New York Post-- and by New York Post, I mean, New York Post--the Salahis told Michaele’s fellow cast members at The Real Housewives of D.C. that event proceeds would go to the military charity Honor and Remember, but a charity organizer said the organization would receive nothing.
The Post reported: “Tickets for the bash held at a DC gay bar ranged from $25 for general admission to $500 for access to the VIP room. The organization said it was promised 40 percent of the profit but was told recently the packed, cash-bar event didn't make any money. A rep for the Salahis claims they were merely guests of honor: ‘This was not a Salahi event. They were not privy to the operational and management aspects of this event, nor were they compensated for their appearance.’”
Fame whores and thieves. Robbing a charity to fill their own pockets.
Lovely.
Fucktards.