Snarky Thoughts

Remember back in 2012 when Kim Kardastrophe was still a bit of a nobody? That was the year that PETA “flour bombed” to aspiring media whore on the red carpet of her True Reflection perfume launch and we all cackled at a Kardastrophe covered in flour. Well, now it seems that a PR rep who worked with Kimmy during that time said the whole thing was a planned “media moment.”

My Thought: What? Kim planned the flour bombing to get attention? Why she would never, that’s so unlike her.

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Recently Real Housewife of Salt Lake City, Jen Shah, was sentenced for her wire fraud scam where she stole money from the elderly and the poor to feed her lavish lifestyle, so what does a convict do? Well, scam artist Shah took 20 people to Italian hotspot Valbella at the Park in New York City and ate and drank their way through the menu.

My Thought: I guess six and a half years in prison rather than 14 is worth celebrating, though not for the elderly, whose money she stole. A shame she couldn't have used some of the money to buy herself a soul or a conscience.

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Apparently director Michael Bay is a wanted man in Italy for a crime he ALLEGEDLY committed a few years back while filming his Netflix action movie, 6 Underground. What did he do, you ask? Or didn’t ask? Bay is ALLEGED to have murdered a pigeon while filming or, to be fair, having a pigeon murdered while filming.

My Thought: He’s in trouble for this but got off scot-free for those Transformer abominations? There is literally no justice.

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And you all thought Kim would get married first, but, no, y’all, Kanye’s off the market after marrying a Yeezy employee named Bianca Censori who looks a lot like a certain  media whore with a giant ass. But maybe it’s all for The Ye Crazy Hour because he and the bride never filed a marriage certificate to make their union a legally binding one.

My Thought: When the meds kick back in, Kanye will move along from this Kim Kardastrophe Knockoff™ mess.

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Oh Gwen Stefani, does no one around you ever say, “Stop talking”? People have been calling Gwen a “culture vulture” since her No Doubt days when she did discount Pocahontas drag, but she’s upped her game since then by fully committing to Japanese culture after releasing her debut album Love. Angel. Music. in 2004. And so now, eighteen years later, Stefani is responding to the hate she’s received for appropriating another culture by saying … with a straight face … to an Asian-American journalist … that she, too, is Japanese. And that’s because … wait for it … she said this with a straight face, too … her father once worked for Yamaha. The interviewer also claims that Gwen identifies as both Hispanic and Latinx and Japanese and English, and that the day after these ridiculous statements her rep contacted her to say that she misunderstood Gwen.

My Thought: Gwen said to the reporter, “I’m Japanese.” Someone needs to sit Gwen down and explain cultural appropriation to her, and then ask that she just stop … she’s an effing white girl from effing Anaheim!

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Snarky Thoughts

Over the weekend Jennifer Lynn Lopez Noa Judd Anthony became Jennifer Lynn Lopez Noa Judd Anthony Affleck. In between marriages she also dated Diddy, Cris Judd, Casper Smart, Drake, and Alex Rodriguez.

My Thought: how long before this current “love of her life” fizzles.

Khloé Kardashian who began dating Tristan Thompson while his current girlfriend was pregnant,, and then had a aby of her own with him, while he cheated on her repeatedly, is having another child with him via surrogate so her daughter will have a sibling with the same father who is also fathering children everywhere else on the planet.

My Thought: not the best example to show your daughter or your, possible, son.

One of Hollywood’s Hot Chris’s, Chris Evans, who has no issue with onscreen nudity, says he is “laser-focused on finding a partner.”       

My Thought: I’m right here, Chris, and Carlos has given me a Hall Pass.

Cardi B and Offset’s daughter, Kulture, recently celebrated her 4^th birthday and, as most parents know, they gifted their child with the traditional Fourth Birthday Gift: $50,000

My Thought: cuz nothing says Mommy and Daddy love you like a basket of cash.

Jen Shah, of the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, who was charged with defrauding elderly people last year and spent the season on the show screaming and crying about her innocence, even going so far as to create and sell “Not Guilty” and “Free Jen Shah” merch, has changed her mind and pleaded guilty in federal court. She faces 11 to 14 years behind bars and must pay $9.5 million in restitution.

My Thought: you’re a criminal, and you know it, so maybe don’t take a job on a reality show where you flaunt your “wealth.”

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Sure, every gay knows that Patti LuPone played Mama Rose in Gypsy and sang Everything’s Coming Up Roses but that wasn’t an invitation to throw roses at her. So, please to explain why then, during a recent curtain call for Company, in which La LuPone stars, someone in the audience actually threw roses at the head of La LuPone. Luckily, Patti laughed it off but told the audience if they choose to throw roses, aim at the feet and remove all thorns.

Oh, and there's no truth to the rumor that the person in the audience who hurled the flowers at the Broadway Legend was Madonna, of whom LuPone once famously said:

“Madonna is a movie killer. She's dead behind the eyes. She cannot act her way out of a paper bag.”

I’d be surprised if it was Madonna, because if it was she'd throw a bouquet of hammers

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A few days ago super businesswoman Kim Kardastrophe told women to get off their asses and work! Dammit. And it appears that one Jennifer Shah from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City took the orders to heart.

See, while Shah is awaiting trial for ALLEGEDLY swindling old folks out of their money with her team of grifters, all of whom have pleaded guilty and will testify against her, she has decided to sell some things to pay her legal bills.

No, she’s not selling her old clothes and shoes and wigs, but she is selling a “Not Guilty” line of merchandise. Get yourself a “Not Guilty” t-shirt for thirty bucks a pop and help Shah pay her defense lawyers so they won’t take her old clothes and shoes and wigs.

PS I’m not sure, but I think in that photo, Shah is rocking her version of prison stripes.

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I first saw Taron Egerton in Kingsman: The Secret Service, and he was one hot little Welsh nugget. Egerton went on to play gay, as Elton John, in Rocketman, and he’s playing gay again in the London Production of Mike Bartlett’s Cock. But that's not the story ... the story is that during the play’s first performance Egerton fainted onstage.

I know the feeling; when I hear the words Taron Egerton and Cock, I faint.
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Ricky Schroder, former actor and current MAGAt asshat, is throwing fits again in public over mask mandates. If you recall last Spring, Ricky terrorized employees at Costco over his refusal to wear a mask in the store and he’s back at it by trying to take on a security guard at the Dwight D. Eisenhower Presidential Library & Museum.

Ricky was traveling with the so-called Freedom Convoy when he tried to get into the museum in Abilene, Kansas, and was told by a security guard that he needed to mask up. Little Ricky lost it, and when told it was a federal law began shrieking:

“I’m Ricky Schroeder. God’s laws are higher than the federal governments, but you’re going to enforce man’s laws?” 

He then muttered that line about slavery:

“Unless you’re ready to, I guess, kill us all, you better change your minds because we’re not gonna live as slaves.” 

He then called the security guard a “Nazi” and stomped off.

The best part of the video is a has-been actor shrieking “I’m Ricky Schroeder,” and the guard looking bewildered because he has no idea who that might be.

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It looks like Liz won her battle with COVID-19 … Queen Elizabeth, I mean … and has decided to take a new lease on life, make a significant change and downsize.

Yes, Liz, whose husband passed away in April 2021, has decided that the nearly 900,000 square foot Buckingham Palace is too big for her now, and will downsize to the much more manageable 600,000  square foot Windsor Castle.

It’s nice to see her simplify.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Jen Shah of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City—and, yes, it’s a show—was arrested during a taping of the show this season and accused of swindling hundreds of elderly people in a telemarketing scam. She was charged with conspiracy to commit wire fraud and conspiracy to commit money laundering. She has pleaded not guilty.

But she wants to make sure that no one sees any episodes of RHoSLC in court because they might just paint her as the grifter and con artist she is accused of being. In fact, her lawyers say clips from the show “do not have any of the indicia of reliability” and are “highly edited and crafted through post-production.” You see, in the clips they want excluded, Shah flaunts her lavish lifestyle, and even brags that she spends $50,000 on herself each month … at least the months prior to her arrest. Her lawyers suggest Shah is, ahem, “playing that character on a show that has been highly curated and edited to satisfy its dramatic requirements.”

But Jen Shah isn’t that good an actress, but a woman who brags about her glam squad and her couture wardrobe and her expensive cars all the while living in a rental home.

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Sure, Prince Andrew agreeing to a settlement with his accuser Virginia Giuffre was the best outcome for both parties, but isn’t it funny that now we learn the Queen , Andy’s Mum, will reach into that purse she always carried and ALLEGEDLY part with $12 million for Giuffre? And the part Liz pays will only be a portion of the settlement.

Right as England begins to celebrate Liz’s Platinum Jubilee, she has to bail her perverted son out of trouble.

Not a good look.

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We all know that Bennifer 2.0 rebooted last spring after a seventeen-year hiatus, and the engagement rumors started immediately. And right on cue—the cue being her new movie Marry Me, Jennifer Lopez hit the airwaves to talk marriage proposals. It’s good, right, because if anyone can talk marriage proposals it’s the Five Time Fiancée™.

In the interview with Heart FM, JLO says she loves “public displays of romance,” but doesn’t know if she would love a public proposal:

“I think that that’s a more intimate thing between two people.”

This was said the week after she attended a movie premiere in a wedding gown, with Ben wearing a nice dark blue tuxedo.

This was said by the women who lives her entire life and every single relationship in the press but now suddenly she’s shy and wants an intimate proposal.

Bitch please. I’ve had cold sores last longer than a JLo relationship or marriage.

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What do you get your ex-wife who already has a new boyfriend for Valentine’s Day? If you’re Kanye Ye, you load up a truck with thousands of roses and have them delivered to Kim Kardastrophe West’s house along with a giant sign declaring yourself to be her “number one fan.”

Has anyone seen Misery? Then you know how this ends.

Oh, and you promised to stop stalking Kimmy’s new beau, Pete Davidson, on Instagram, because nothing says love like a mound of flowers dying in the driveway and a promise from your ex not to threaten you new boyfriend anymore.

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Since we started with ALLEGED criminal Housewives, let’s end there, too.

A week or so ago, it was announced that Erika Jayne of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was cut loose from the case of her soon-to-be ex-husband, Tom Girardi’s, scamming of settlement monies from airplane crash survivors, burn victims and orphans. Erika stepped cheering,:

“Told you so. Told you so. Told you. Told you. Told you so.”

Cut to this week and Erika Jayne is being sued once more in relation to her estranged husband legal issues. This time she’s been named in a $2.1 million complaint for ALLEGEDLY “aiding and abetting” Tom’s schemes.

Erika and her company EJ Global—which sounds like a soap opera corporation—were named in a $2.1 million complaint filed on behalf of Manuel Miller and Kathleen Bajgrowicz. Manuel and Tom represented Kathleen when she sued the NFL for the death of her son, Chuck Osborne, who died after repeated head trauma in 2012. The suit ALLEGES that after settling with the NFL, Tom made excuses as to why the settlement money wasn’t available while pocketing the money. The suit accuses Erika of knowing that the stolen money was “funding her notoriously lavish lifestyle.”

Whoops. Again with a housewife and her lavish lifestyle.

But Erika’s lawyer is scoffing at this newest lawsuit saying she “has no law degree and never worked at or managed her former husband’s law firm.” Funny that., because no one is saying she worked for Tom, and no one is saying she’s a lawyer, they are simply saying she lived off the scams of her husband and knew about it.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Jen Shah, one of the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, is apparently a hot mess on and off TV, but it’s her off-screen antics, of the criminal variety ALLEGEDLY, that we’ll talk about here.

Shah was arrested and accused of fraud spanning six states, and faces up to thirty years in prison, but has, of course, denied any wrongdoing and asked that the charges be dropped. A judge said, “No so fast grifter,” and so now Shah has come up with a new theory as to why she is not, well, not that innocent, but not to be tried for the charges: her contacts were dirty,

Shah’s lawyer filed legal papers which said her contacts were very dry and dirty, and her vision so blurry that she had no idea she was signing a document that waved off her Miranda rights and would like her whole case thrown out.

Bitch, please. Did you also have dry contacts in your ears when they read you your rights?

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And now, another tiny diva with a great big ego … Kevin Hart. He loves to say he has zero fucks to give, and even called his latest Netflix special, Zero Fucks Given, but he appears to have many, many fucks to give because he recently went on Twitter and lashed out against people who claimed he was … :::gasp::: … not funny:

“The ‘He’s not funny’ slander is the best….this is for you. I have 3 stand up comedy specials that fall in the top 10 highest grossing comedy specials of all time….2 of my specials are in the top 3 of all time. I have been the highest grossing comedian in entertainment for years now.”

Someone is giving lots of fucks rights now, but, um, Kev, someone saying you’re not funny isn’t slander, it’s opinion, and you thinking it’s slander is semi-funny, but in a sad kind of way.

“I have also been the highest grossing comedian in the box office with over 4 billion in earnings ….I have also turned my comedic talent into a place of business and branding and radio and other revenue streams….The hate/slander fuels me to do more.”

Again, not slander, just a lot of chest thumping and ego puffing from Little Man Hart.

“You guys are what makes this business fun….because it’s not about getting to the top….it’s about doing your best to stay on top after you get there. I rarely talk shit….but I felt the need to today.”

He rarely talks shit and has zero fucks to give, and then talks a lot of shit while giving a huge fuck. Not funny; not funny at all.

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Kim Kardashian wants to make the move from reality TV whore to lawyer, but apparently it’s just too hard. If you remember, last week, on KUWTK, Kimmy revealed that she had taken the First-Year Law Students’ Examination, aka the Baby Bar, and failed. She blamed the test results on being a single multi-millionaire mother, running a business during a pandemic, and getting COVID from a birthday party she threw herself with hundreds of people in attendance.

Kimmy is funnier than Kevin Hart thinking that if you’re a single working mom you automatically fail the exam; or maybe if you’re a single mom with nannies and staff who work for you and run your businesses while you travel around the world unmasked and unvaxxed and get COVID and then don’t pass the Baby Bar.

But, hon, if you have all those excuses for why you failed, why did you take the test a second time, and bomb again? Cuz you’re a reality show whore who doesn’t’ have the good sense god gave a horse.

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When we talk about Tori Spelling it’s usually because a credit card company is coming after her for being a deadbeat who doesn’t pay her bills or she’s thirsty for attention by pretending to be pregnant again. Sure, that’s still happening because what else does Spelling have to do?

Oh, go out in public and be photographed without her wedding ring sparking rumors that her marriage to fellow deadbeat Dean McDermott is over.

Oh, and she dropped another clue on Instagram by changing her bio from “Actress / Wife / Mother / Writer / DIYer” to “Actress / Mother / Writer / DIYer.”

Tori, hon, no one really cares.

PS You forgot "Deadbeat."

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We haven’t heard much from sexual kink master Armie Hammer of late, perhaps because his career took that final spin around the toilet bowl, or maybe it’s something else …

Once all his sexual proclivities became known, and his wife left him, and women came crawling out of the woodwork to discuss his kinks, Armie slithered away to the Cayman Islands where he ALLEGEDLY dated a Canadian dental hygienist. But that was all we knew, until last week when Armie was seen at the Grand Cayman airport with his estranged wife and their two children, who hugged Daddy goodbye before he boarded a plane to Orlando, Florida.

What do you do after your marriage and career implode? He’s going to Disneyworld!

Oops, not so much, Armie has checked himself into rehab to hopefully get help for his drink and drug and sex addictions. And while that’s good, the LAPD continues to investigate the rape allegations made again him online by a woman named Effie.

It’s a mixed bag for the former Husband-In-My-Head.

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Kourtney Kardastrophe likes to paint herself as the eco-warrior of That Family, but her message was clearly lost on one of her sisters, Khloé.

Khloé, clearly not the sharpest tool in That Family’s shed of dim bulbs, decided to do her part to fight pollution by encouraging her 152 million Instagram followers to make the switch from bottled water to a refillable water bottle, in an attempt to reduce single waste plastics.

Nice message, but … if you’re living a massively wasteful Kardastrophe lifestyle, which, in Khloé’s case, is a love for filling her home with thousands and thousands of balloons to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries and the unveiling of her new faces, are you really environmentally conscious? Or are you just another tone-deaf media whore who doesn’t know thing one about saving the environment.

I mean, think about all that plastic in her face; was it recycled from someone else in the family? Uh huh.

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