What's This? Nice News??

I admit it takes me longer to gather the Nice Stories these days when Stupid abounds, but here's what's making me smile for a Tuesday:

RAFAEL, ER, TED, UM, KAREN

The other day Senator Ted Karen Cruz  got into a confrontation with employees at Bozeman Yellowstone International Airport which grew so heated that law enforcement had to get involved, a new video showed on Sunday. 

Cruz was spotted at the Montana airport on Sunday, apparently irritated that he had missed his flight and pitched a hissy because he’d missed the check-in window for his flight, and that re-booking options were 'limited out of Bozeman due to Spring Break.' 

As always happens with a Karen, someone was filing the exchange, which shows Cruz vigorously nodding his head in annoyance at the two female employees; he appeared less annoyed when the female employees stepped aside and a single male law enforcement officer took over. 

The person who took the video claims Cruz muttered something along the lines of ‘Don’t you know who I am’ to the police who says he did not know who the Karen was, until after Cruz had walked away.

One thing of note, the Texas Republican who last week claimed pilots and flight attendants regularly “hug “ at airports because of his stance against mask mandates, and who also proudly rode around DC in a big rig during the protest over mandates, was wearing a mask.

Cruz was finally able to leave that evening and all of Montana heaved a sigh of relief.

Oh Karen …

MILA AND ASHTON

Kudos to Mila Kunis and her husband, Ashton Kutcher, for their efforts to help the people of Ukraine during Putin’s attack on that country.

Kunis, a native of Ukraine, and Kutcher have set up a GoFundMe campaign that has so far raised over $35 million toward refugee and humanitarian aid efforts. The couple also pledged $3 million of their own money.

The couple’s GoFundMe is HERE, and then HERE is a list of other ways to help Ukrainian refuges.

KIM DAVIS

A U.S. judge ruled that a former Kentucky Kounty Klerk Kim Davis county knowingly violated the rights of same-sex couples by denying them marriage licenses in 2015, clearing the way for a jury trial seeking damages against her.

Davis thrust herself into the center of the same-sex marriage debate when she refused to issue marriage  licenses to same-sex couples citing the Baby Jeebus as her excuse.

The two couples in the lawsuit— David Ermold and David Moore, and James Yates and Will Smith— had sought to marry in the immediate aftermath of the landmark 2015 U.S. Supreme Court decision Obergefell v. Hodges, and sued Davis claiming she had violated their constitutional rights. Now, with the essential facts in the case now settled, the two couples  can proceed to jury trial to seek damages against Davis as an individual.

We haven’t heard about Bigot Kim in a long time and it’s nice to see that she’s lost her battle and can be sued.

Now, see there? It’s not all Stupids; there’s some fun and nice and well-deserved news in the world today!

It's Snarkurday!

Well, it looks like Kanye West is out of the hospital and, ahem, “under the care of Kim, and his personal physician, Dr. Michael Farzam”—the one who called 911 the day Kanye went a little nuts.

Good news, I guess; I hope he gets the help he needs, though I am reminded of how many people have called him a lunatic since he first arrived on the scene, and then have all overlooked his ridiculous rants and odd behavior as being “just Kanye.”

But this isn’t about that, it’s about a story that appeared—and then just as quickly vanished—right about the time he was handcuffed to that gurney. The story went that Kanye had been deteriorating prior to his hospitalization because Kim had taken the kids and moved back home with That Woman. But as quickly as that story was out, it was gone; only now it’s back ...

The rumor mill is saying that Kim had gone all Ross-n-Rachel on Kanye and asked for a “break” after the Paris robbery because she was upset and traumatized by the event and Kanye wasn’t there for her. A source—and it’s That Woman calling from her crypt—says:

“It’s just been hell for them. The trauma of the incident made her more hesitant to do things. Of course it strained their relationship, because she hadn’t seen him.”

When Kanye was home on breaks in the tour, he spent very little time with his family, preferring instead to work and work and rant, and Kim wasn’t feeling it. When she looked to her husband for support, he was badmouthing Bey and Jay instead.

Cue the road trip home to Mama; oh, and a media event in New York for the Angel Ball—apparently Kimmie wasn’t so distressed she couldn’t fly across the country to wear a too-tight gown—the very night that Kanye suffered his breakdown. Kim had to immediately fly home to be at Kanye’s side—after all there were media cameras around—and That Woman was ALLEGEDLY enraged that Kanye had ruined this for her.

So, is this new show of support going to patch up the holes in their marriage? Or, more likely, will it just be more media fodder and a Very Special Episode of KUWTK? I mean, it does seem that this whole thing will be the start of a media push by the family to explain the end of the marriage.

Lapo Elkann. Who? I know, right! Well, he’s the 39-year-old grandson of the ex-CEO of Fiat and ALLEGEDLY quite a handful.

About eleven years ago, Lapo was found naked and near death after overdosing in the apartment of a transgender hooker in Turin, Italy, and then, just this past weekend he ALLEGEDLY partied with another transgender hooker only maybe with slightly less drugs involved, though more drama.

See, Lapo didn’t have the coins for the hooker so he did what you all would do when you’re trying to bail on a hooker who wants her cash; he called his family and told them that he was kidnapped and his captor was demanding $10,000 in ransom money. 

Ransom. Hooker coins. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.

Luckily, his family knows Lap better than anyone else and the family representative didn’t call the bank to wire over the ransom money. They called the cops instead. The hooker was cuffed and charged with grand larceny by extortion, with even Lapo filing a police report on what he’d endured.

But the smell of fish was too much for police who investigated the kidnapping allegations and they found it to be a complete lie. See, Lapo isn’t very bright because he called the family from his cell phone, away from the hookers apartment so how, exactly, the police asked, was he kidnapped?

The charges against the hooker were dropped and Lapo was arrested and charged with falsely reporting an incident.

And so now you know Lapo!

Kathy Griffin has a new book out because she doesn’t have a TV show, or Bravo specials, any more and the only time we see her is when she makes Andy Cooper squirm on New Year ’s Eve.

Her new book, Kathy Griffin’s Celebrity Run-Ins: My A-Z Index, is her stories of the famous, and infamous, folks she’s met and trashed over the years and several stories are popping up that won’t make her any more popular in Hollywood.

Kathy went to a party hosted by Sue Mengers, in which Jon Hamm and Jack Nicholson were in attendance and she was less than impressed by Hamm—perhaps she didn’t see the Hammaconda? Anyway ...

“You’ll never convince me to like Jon Hamm. The vibe I’ve always gotten from him is cold and somewhat disrespectful … toward me. I’m suggesting he’s one of these hot guys who’s mildly funny but actually thinks he’s comedian-level funny. So when Hammy showed up, too, inside I thought, oh great. He even said to me, ‘What are you doing here?’ I said, ‘I earned my seat at the table. What are you doing here?’”

And it went downhill as Hamm began, ALLEGEDLY, drinking more; while Kathy chatted up Jack Nicholson, Hamm stared “boozy yammering” in her ear:

“You know your Emmy isn’t a real Emmy.”

“You’re so o-o-o-old.”

Kathy was furious that Hamm was infringing on her Nicholson time and says:

“Look, I’ve been told I’m old and not funny by a lot of guys—a lot of hot guys, too—but not when I’m in an intimate conversation space with frickin’ Jack Nicholson ... that’s the real reason I can’t stand Hammy. The double whammy of cruel but not playful comments and the horrible timing. Again, he’s not a comedian, folks. Hopefully done with the drink, but probably still Don Draper-y.”

And then there’s Ashton Kutcher; Griffin and Kutcher co-hosted a charity event in 2005 and he refused to speak to her even though they were supposed to interact:

“At least three separate times, we were standing in the wings, waiting to go out and present, and I’d say something like, ‘Hey, what if, when we go out, we do this … ,’ and suggest something, and he’d just ignore me. If he said five words to me the whole day, I’d be surprised. It was bizarre and rude ....”

In 2008, Griffin ran into him at a restaurant when he was with his grandmother, Demi Moore, and when Kathy said ‘Hello,’ he again ignored her ... so she said:

“If you won’t say hi to me in the Mexican takeout joint, you’re a douchebag.”

The last time she was in a room with Kutcher, she was at party chatting up Sean Combs—P Diddy, Puff Daddy, Puffy, someone—and Ashton “stepped directly in front of me and started talking to Diddy as if I wasn’t even there":

"So that’s three incidents. Do I loathe him? No. He’s just someone who’s made it perfectly clear to me that I have absolutely nothing to offer him during his precious time on earth.”

But she has a funny tale about Leonardo DiCaprio story; she met him at an awards show while she was talking with Lily Tomlin—Kathy is an epic name-dropper—and says she “stood up and said:

“‘Don’t be a douchebag, Leo. Get off your f–ing phone and say hi to the great Lily Tomlin!’ He either didn’t hear me or chose to ignore me ... I repeated it until he finally turned his head, pulled his precious phone away, and kindly said hello to Lily. (He’s gorgeous by the way.) I said again, ‘Jesus, Leo, don’t be such a douchebag.’ He walked away and with an adorable smile said, ‘I am a douchebag.’ Touché, Leo.”

I may have to buy this book ... you know how much I love my snark, and, well, I imagine Kathy could use the coins.

So Leah Remini is the enemy of Scientology ever since she went rogue and left the “religion” and wrote a book about them—Troublemaker: Surviving Hollywood and Scientology— and talked about them and is now in an A&E series about them—Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath.

So, while promoting this new show, she talked about her lawyer demanding $1.5 million from Scientology for trying to ruin her reputation; Scientology doesn’t like it when you leave and so they called her both a “has-been actress” and a “delusional diva.” Leah knows she won’t see one coin from the “church” but that it’s not about the money; it’s about the victims of that “faith”:

“Well, I’m not going to get a dime. I mean I’ve given millions to the church and they’ve amassed 3 billion dollars, so I think that speaks for itself. I also think that it says a lot about the organization, how they respond to its critics. It’s not just me, it’s anyone who has spoken out. Everyone is called a liar. Everyone’s called an apostate. Everyone’s called the same thing and I’m in good company. They did it to Anderson Cooper, they did it to Alex Gibney, who’s an award-winning filmmaker, Paul Haggis, Oscar winner. I’m in good company and I think it says a lot more about the organization than it does about me.”

It does; the “church” is about money. I mean, how else do you explain the Average Joe, not the movie star closeted homosexual, or the former actress with the weight issues, but the average person who pays the “church” hundreds of thousands of dollars over their lifetime for books on how to reach the pinnacle, only when you reach the pinnacle you’re told it’s the floor beneath the pinnacle and you need to spend more.

Yeah, that’s a faith; and let’s talk about how the Baptists and the Catholics and the Methodists and the Lutherans and the Jews always belittle and shame those who leave their faith and call them names ... oh, wait, they don’t do that.

It’s the “Church” of Scientology that does that.

In August, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard came to an agreement about their divorce: Depp would pay Heard $7 million and he could keep his homes, his art and she would also sign a non-disclosure agreement [NDA] and stop saying he was a drunken loon ... or something.

As soon as the settlement was drawn up, Amber vowed to give the $7 million to charity, but then Depp one-upped her and said he would donate the $7 million directly to charity, bypassing Amber.

But that didn’t happen ...more than 3 months after Amber got that deal, she hasn’t received one coin. And while Depp said he sent the first installment of the settlement—some $200,000—to Children’s Hospital and the ACLU we know that never happened because ... wait for it ... it’s stupid ... Heard and Depp have still not signed the final settlement documents because he wants to pay the charities and she wants to pay the charities.

Um, does it really matter as long as the groups get the seven million?

And there’s another snag ... Amber did a domestic violence PSA in which she all but said Johnny Depp abused her but under that NDA she’s prohibited from mentioning any abuse allegations. So now Team Depp says she shouldn’t get any of the money. Seriously; these two have been bitching about money and who gets to bask in the glory of donating to charity longer then they were ever married.

Write a check already! Depp has another wackadoo movie to bomb and Amber ... well, she’ll be at Starbucks waiting for her agent to call.

Anthony Michael Hall. There’s a blast from the past so why is he popping up here today? Well, as in with most child stars who don’t fully move on to adult stardom, he’s making news because he’s gotten himself arrested.

A couple months ago Hall used his fists on his neighbor after the neighbor said the most horrific thing you could ever say to an actor:

“You left the gate open.”

Hall didn’t take too kindly to a nobody telling him that the gate was open so he attacked the neighbor and may now get jail time.

Hopefully no one will leave a cell door open.

I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Color me surprised! Okay, I kid.

But it was announced this week that longtime lesbian couple, Bruce and Kris Jenner are separating and that their separation will, naturally, be played out over the course of the E! reality drama comedy series, Keeping Up With The Kardastropes.

It wasn’t a very well-kept secret, though. Um, Bruce moved out of their lesbian love-nest and bought a home in Malibu, you know, a kind of man cave … in another zip code. 

And Khloe Kardastrophe, herself ready to divorce her husband, basically confirmed the split over the summer. But there were details to iron out, like royalties from the TV show and whether Kris gets to whore out the two children she had with Bruce like the porn-tape hustling she did to make Kim Kash Kow a big-assed commodity.

Bruce is said to be consoling himself and mending his broken heart on the golf course, while Kris is said to be in seclusion in Mexico with Girls Gone Wild porn producer Joe Francis.

And that part is true.

PS There is said to be no talk of divorce and i wondered why. Then I heard there is no pre-nup and Bruce would be entitled to half of all that Kardastrophe money and i realized that's why they won't divorce. Kris will never give up cash.

I used to like Bethenny Frankel when she was on The Real Housewives of New York. Single snarky gal about town, much like myself, except for the single and gal parts, I guess.

But then she left that show and became Bethenny Getting Knocked Up and Bethenny And Her Shotgun Wedding and Bethenny The Forever Fairy Tale which all morphed into Bethenny Hates her Husband And Is Getting Divorced.

You gotta love reality TV.

And their divorce is getting ugly, with Bethenny and soon-to-be ex-hubby, Jason Hoppy, taking digs at each other. They stayed together living in the same apartment even after the marriage shriveled up and died, or their TV show was cancelled; who knows which came first.

And now Bethenny, who played out her romance, her pregnancy, her giving birth, getting married, being a mommy, creating an empire, on TV for all to see with her one true love is now coming out and saying to anyone who’ll listen — and she has a talk show in which she spews her venom … thanks Ellen — that Hoppy was never the love of her life.

Can’t wait for her daughter to grow up and learn that she’s the product of Mommy and Mommy’s second choice third choice.

Britney Spears has been working her ALLEGED sexy mom ass off by rehearsing for her Vegas gig up to five whole hours each day.

She is going to bring it, y’all. And bring it, sing it, live. I giggle, but that’s what she says.

“I’m definitely going to be singing live. I always sing live … It doesn’t sound so great all the time, but I do my best.”

One lie, followed by one half-truth.

She doesn’t always sing live because we’ve all seen the videos of the worst lip-sync ever, and, yes, she does sound awful when she does sing live. And i bet if she could lip-sync her dancing shed do that too.

These Vegas shows are gonna crash and burn quicker than a Tom Cruise marriage.

I remember when little South West, er, Due west, er, north! North West! was born and all the Kash Kow and her psycho baby daddy could talk about was how they weren’t gonna pimp the child out. No appearances on Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes ever!

But then Kanye appeared on Kris Jenner’s cancelled-thank-god talk show — possibly because Kris has that ALLEGED gay sex tape in her safe — and he brought along a little picture of Due South North.

Pimpin’ her out.

And now Kim has taken to posting pictures of the kid on Instagram, you know, as a proud mama, not because she’s trying to stir up interest in a photo spread in People or something, even though the K’s are holding out for Vanity Fair.

Like that would ever happen!

Justin Timberlake made another movie and it bombed. Like all the other movies he’s in where his name is above the title. Someone should tell him to take bit parts or just stay out of the movies all together, but I digress.

His latest film, Runner, Runner, is a craptastic mess on a Lohan scale of Liz & Dick, earning barely $7 million in its first week. Now, to be fair, and y’all know I’m fair … I am, dammit … there’s all kinds of blame to go around, like to Ben Affleck, hoping to parlay Argo into something but getting NoGo instead.

Now even that venerable Hollywood trade paper, Variety, has a piece on JT in which they lay it all out there, saying something along the lines of: Justin? Just stop with the movies already!

From Ramin Setoodeh’s piece:

“Timberlake’s “Runner Runner” was a spectacular box office flop. The gambling drama only eked out $7.6 million in its opening weekend, despite the casting of Ben Affleck, post-“Argo,” as a slimy casino boss.

There are plenty of reasons for “Runner Runner’s” failure. The reviews were awful, and Timberlake (at 32!) is hardly plausible as a brainy Princeton graduate student trapped in an illegal Costa Rica gambling scheme.

Timberlake, who is meant to anchor “Runner Runner,” struggles with most of the screenplay’s cheesy dialogue. In other scenes, he comes across like a lost celebrity hosting “Saturday Night Live” who can’t find the teleprompter. …. He will never be a movie star, and it’s a mystery why he took such a long hiatus from music to appear in so many movies. Now that he has a hit new album, “The 20/20 Experience,” it might be a good idea for Timberlake to give up acting.”

From your pen to God’s ears.

So, Demi Moore, the not-quite-yet ex-Missus Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis the not-quite-yet current Missus Ashton Kutcher, have a lot in common, though one could be the mother of the other one.

Is that why Ashton is with Mila after dumping Demi? The same dark hair, large, wide-set eyes, the kind-of-olive skin color? Is that Ashton’s type and he just went for a newer version?

Well, now it seems that might be true because Demi thinks Mila is trying to SINGLE-White-Female her! And in her own clothes?

A source — and you know it’s one of Demi’s daughters, maybe the one whose boyfriend dumped her so he could date Mama, then dumped Mama so she could date his Papa — says, “When Demi and Ashton separated in 2011, he accidentally grabbed some her clothes when he moved out. Mila happened to find them in Ashton’s stuff and loved them. Demi randomly saw photos of Mila online one day and she recognized the shirt she was wearing as hers! ShE was in complete shock!"

Is this true? I mean, I could see Ashton ”accidentally” grabbing some of Demi’s schemata because he wanted a little something to cling to, but I can’t really see Mila finding the clothes and saying, Hmm, I can wear this.

And why would Mila SWF Demi. I mean, she got the, well, so-called, prize. If anyone was gonna SWF someone it’d be Grandma Moore going after nubile Mila. But then again ... Demi is STILL Missus Kutcher and Mila is STILL the grifriend, so ...

And then there’s Ashton’s other type; blond girls in hot tubs.

I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Since last week, and the weekend, were all about Oscar, and Lindsay Lohan will probably never attend, much less win one, she had her own dramas to create.

I didn’t know that Lohan sued rapper Pitbull in 2011, because one of his, um, songs—‘Give Me Everything’—contained the line: “Hustlers move aside, so I’m tiptoein’, to keep flowin’/I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan.” 

Yeah, that made her bad because, well, the truth hurts, and so she sued. She thought he might throw some money at her—or at least leave it on the nightstand—like the folks at e*Trade did when she sued them, but Pitbull wasn’t playing. He even invited her to be his date to the VMAs, and kept fighting her in court.

Lohan claims Pitbull never got permission to use her name, and so he owes her big money because she needs big money, but last week a New York federal judge sided with Pitbull, saying the song is a work of art protected by the 1st Amendment and noting that Lindsay’s barely even mentioned.

Like her career, it’s almost nonexistent.

Well, The Mole and her husband of fourteen years are ALLEGEDLY over. See, rumor has it that Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber are divorcing and that Cindy has gone all Demi Moore of late, ALLEGEDLY getting drunk and acting like a fool at a recent swanky hotel event, by telling anyone and everyone, “My marriage is over!”

And she continues Demi-ing, by ALLEGEDLY draping her drunken body all over twenty-something Terraplane Sun guitarist, Johnny Zambetti. And then it got worse. According to fellow partiers, Cindy went dirty dancing with Brody Jenner in a vain attempt to get back at Rande for cheating on her over the course of their marriage. Worse of all, is that her husband was right there, at the party, while she drunkenly played the part of aging model on a bender.

Crawford’s people, while acknowledging that Cindy and Rande were at that party, say the couple is still “very happily married,” but Lyle Riddle, Terraplane Sun’s drummer, tells a different story. According to him, Cindy “was drinking wine, beer and cocktails, and she seemed very intoxicated.”

Not exactly model behavior. Or even Mom behavior.

Now, for more desperate Lindsay.

See, because she gets no work, and because she has no money, and because the IRS is still after her, the National Enquirer—I know, but they were right about the John Edwards affair—says Lindsay has taken to drunk dialing her former friends and asking for a handout.

A source—and you know it’s Dina, whose house is nearing foreclosure and could use some Lohan help—says, “Her legal bills alone could buy a small country, and no one is safe. Wilmer Valderrama, Samantha Ronson, Stavros Niarchos and Jared Leto have all been targeted by Lindsay. She’s also calling in favors from Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Nicole Richie and others. Problem is, she smells of desperation and almost everyone is running.”

I thought she smelled of booze and ciggies.

Most of her old ‘friends’ have blocked Lohan Calls, but, along with drug-addled Charlie Sheen, rumor has it that her old pal Ashton Kutcher is also giving support; along with three Middle Eastern “sugar daddies” who pay for her to come to their, um, parties.

And still she doesn’t have enough money to move out of Dina’s house, to pay for a dress to wear—and then cut up—and to foot her own tab at every club in Manhattan.

She must be a really bad hooker.

Let's say, for arguments sake, you’re one of the :::cough cough:::: hottest actresses in Hollywood, and one of the highest paid, too, so let’s say you’re invited to the Oscars.

Wouldn’t you at least wash your hair? Maybe run a comb through it? And even if you didn’t, would you sit in the audience and slouch and pout all night?

You would if you were Kristen Kasting Kouch Stewart.

Just sayin’.

So, before we had Lohan, we had TV’s version of Lohan, Mischa Barton. She was on something called The OC and said to be the newest It Girl, but then she vanished into bad parts, crazy behavior, and ugly clothes. And now, like her counterpart, Baron is also unable to pay her debts and owes some $90,000 to “a team of sober coaches.”

Wait, what? Does she play professional sports? I may be off on this, but is there a team called the Sober and they have Coaches? Oh….wait. It’s a different kind of coaching.

See, back in 2011, Mischa was ordered to pay Doctors’ Choice Nursing [DCN] $95,000 for unspecified services rendered in 2009, but she failed to appear in court—probably because she was appearing under a dumpster somewhere—which  is why a default judgment was entered against her.

Well, the nature of the, um,  “services” has been a bit of a mystery, but now we know, from the owner of DCN that the 95K was the fees charged by a team of nurses whose sole job was to keep Mischa Barton sober, though the nature of her substance of choice is still unknown.

Barton’s lawyer wants to know why DCN hadn’t notified Mischa of the mounting bill if the actress was the one responsible for paying it, and the owner replied that she didn’t want the stress of the mounting bill to exacerbate Mischa’s sobriety problems. Like, you know, you owe me money for keeping you sober will send Mischa on a bender.

Barton’s lawyer contends it was the actress’ mother who hired the nurses and therefore ran up the bills — so Mischa shouldn’t have to pay.  Wait, so the person with the abuse issues, who needed a team of nurses to keep her from using whatever it was she was using, doesn’t have to pay those nurses, because she didn’t ask for their help.

That isn’t one of the Twelve Steps.

More Lohan, because, you know, she needs to one-up the Oscar coverage.

It appears that Lindsay’s former assistant, Gavin Doyle, who used to take the rap for all of Lindsay’s misdeeds, will be called to testify against her in the case of last year’s Pacific Coast highway crash where Lindsay lied to police about who was driving her car.

She said Doyle was driving, while others say she was behind the wheel.

And now, Doyle has changed his story, ALLEGEDLY, and is willing to say that Lohan was driving that day. See, they’ve had a falling out because the day after Lindsay was arrested for beating up the psychic in a bar, Doyle came to pick her up at the police station and she kicked him out of her car.

And he took to Twitter:

@lindsaylohan after bailing you out last night I HOPE and PRAY you are getting the help you so desperately need. We are ALL rooting for you. xxx

And now he’ll be testifying against her.

So, what have we learned: do not get into a car with Lindsay Lohan. EVER!

So, Madonna, even with her new face, is still all about the Kabbalah; and she’s a member alongside the likes of Ashton Kutcher, and his former wife Granny Kutcher, AKA Demi Moore. But, since the break-up. Madonna has been granted custody of Ashton’s friendship, leaving Granny Moore out in the cold.

See, she’s not going to associate with the older party who has the penchant for dancing on tables and dating wildly inappropriate younger men because, well, you know how Madonna feels about over-the-top behavior and dating children.

So, Madonna invited Ashton, but not Demi, to her annual Oscar party, which, a few years back was a co-hosting gig between the two women. A source—and it’s probably one of Demi’s three ungrateful children—says, “Madonna is firmly on the side of Ashton. She adores him and thinks that out of him and Demi he’s the one with the glittering career. Also, Madonna loves having Ashton around as he’s great eye candy, he’s funny and he flirts outrageously with her — In Madonna’s eyes, there’s no competition – when it comes to picking sides Ashton is the obvious winner!”

And Demi’s absence at the party was the stuff of gossip. “When Ashton walked in it got the crowd buzzing!” The source says. “Madonna’s never spoken about the split, but it’s obvious she’s sided with him over Demi. It was kind of shocking as Demi has even hosted the party with Madonna in the past, so it’s even more of a mega snub! Madonna clearly loves Ashton though, they were dancing together a lot throughout the night and flirting up a storm!”

Well, that sounds like Madonna. The only person at her parties to be dancing on tables and dating boys young enough to be their sons, is Madonna herself.

Color me shocked.

I kid.

Lindsay Lohan has just been hit with yet another tax lien. We knew that she had trouble paying taxes in 2009 and 2010, but now the IRS she failed to pay in 2011, either. You know, because the IRS doesn’t take airline bottles of booze as payment.

And now the State of California that’s trying to collect the $56,717.90 that Lohan never paid. Add that to the unpaid 2009 taxes of $93,701.57 and the 2010 bill for $140,203.30 and it all adds up to….carry the one….Lohan is screwed.

To be fair, Lohan cleared the 2009 bill because Charlie Sheen found 100K in drug money under a couch cushion and gave it to her, but still, she owes even more as every day passes.

And, well, she still has 2012 to deal with, and that Liz & Dick income, and the porn movie paycheck. So, I imagine that this time next year her Back Tax Bill will be even higher.

Kate Gosselin was on The View this week to promote her appearance on Celebrity Wife Swap.

Let’s stop. Um, doesn’t one have to be a wife to be part of the swap? And single mom Kate, who loves to talk about how hard it is to be a single mom because she’s single and not married and a mom and single doesn’t exactly fill the bill, you know.

But, for the show she switched places with Kendra Wilkinson and her one kid for a week, and then  Kendra got stuck with K8’s 8. Now, I didn’t watch the show because, well, it’s stupid and because, well, Kate Gosselin was on it, but I heard Kate made Kendra cry when she lit into her for not being a hands-on mom, saying, “Reading your manual made me believe that you just let everybody else do everything because you don’t care.” This from the single mom who isn’t married and is a single mom and has a team of nannies.

But, more telling than K8’s rudeness, shrillness, bitchiness, and utter need to be on TV at any chance she’s given, is the idea that Kate’s had some work done. Lotsa folks are saying she had lotsa work done, like a nose job, face lift and injectables and I’d have to agree. See, Old K8 and New K8 are not the same K8. And four, count ‘em four, doctors are weighing on K8’s surgery—though not the idea that the money spent on the surgeries might better have been spent on her 8 children since she’s a single unmarried mother of eight who’s single.

Dr. Steven Fallek, a New York-based plastic surgeon, says, “Definitely a facelift — which includes her neck.”

” Dr. Ed Williams, Group Vice President for Public and Regulatory Affairs for the American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery : “Life is either treating her exceptionally well or she had work done”

Dr. Renato Calabria suggests she had fat or stem cells grafted onto her face: “This procedure is done by harvesting the fat in other part of the body and in case of fat grafting injecting it back to the face trough tiny incisions.”

Dr. Richard Norden, FACS of Norden Laser Eye Associates, believes that Kate may not have had a full-fledged facelift, but utilized Botox and a new form of facial rejuvenation: “Her neck seems to be noticeably lifted. I would guess that she had the hot new non-surgical facelift using non-invasive ultrasound called Ultherapy.”

Dr. Stephen Greenberg, Author of A Little Nip, A Little Tuck, surmises that Kate underwent a procedure called tip rhinoplasty: “Tip rhinoplasty is usually done just to thin out the roundness of the tip giving it more definition.

All that work because she got one episode of Wife Swap? Too bad there’s no such thing as a personality lift, or having one’s bitchiness taken off.

K8 could’a used that.

Okay, so like we remember where we were when Kennedy was shot, or when Cher won the Oscar for Moonstruck, we all remember back in June 2012 when Lindsay Lohan crashed her Porsche on the Pacific Coast Highway and a million cracked-out stories erupted, right?

I remember posting that Lindsay got out of her totaled Porsche—from the driver’s side—and tossed all the vodka bottles from the trunk. Now, that might have never happened, but, we’ll never really know, will we?

But, new reports suggest that Lohan was drinking the day of the crash, but prosecutors in the case are thinking of giving her a plea deal.

Drunk driver say what?

Law enforcement sources say a bottle of alcohol was found next to Lindsay’s Porsche, and that her breath smelled of alcohol, but for some reason, cops did not perform a field sobriety test at the scene of the crash.

And yet, the Santa Monica City Attorney is prepared to offer Lindsay 60 days in a residential rehab facility in her lying-to-cops case—where she said she wasn’t driving the Porsche—which is four months less than the original offer. In addition, the City Attorney wants Lindsay to attend another set of AA meetings and to do community service—like, for me, that would be telling her to stop making movies. That’s community service, y’all.

And that’s how Lohan keeps getting off, to drink and drive and crash and bar fight and jewel heist another day.