It's Snarkurday!

Like a certain president, Harvey Weinstein does not know when to shut his piehole and simply read the prepared statement. He’s now claiming #FakeNews to a story that he admitted to giving women roles in his films in exchange for sex. But if you listen to his story, he kinda admits it’s true:

“I was born poor, ugly, Jewish and had to fight all my life to get somewhere … no girl looked at me until I made it big in Hollywood. Yes I did offer them acting jobs in exchange for sex, but so did and still does everyone. But I never, ever forced myself on a single woman.”

He doesn’t seem to get it that telling a woman she has to allow you to get naked and put your cheese-filled body on top of hers and rub your wee willie into her nether regions so she can act in one of your films is kinda forcing a woman to do that very thing; especially when you throw in that “You’ll never work in this town again” business.

The moral: Harvey Weinstein is a pig who’s yet to realize he’s a pig.

Maybe prison will help?

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Remember when it was rumored that Ewan McGregor was bumping uglies with his Fargo co-star, Mary Elizabeth Winstead? And then Ewan admitted he was cheating on his wife? And then he and Mary Elizabeth went public with their affair? And then Winstead broke things off because the press called her a “homewrecker” which is what you call someone who has an affair with a married person and, ahem, wrecks their home? And then Ewan filed for divorce from Eve Mavrakis, his wife of 22 years, and Winstead decided that she wouldn’t be labeled a “homewrecker” any more and went back to Ewan.

Well, Ewan’s 22-year-old daughter, Clara, that’s her up there coming between the lovebirds, decided that Winstead should still wear the Scarlet A and has been trolling the actress on social media. Clara sipped some tea and then dashed over to an Instagram fan page for Mary Elizabeth and commented:

“Most beautiful and talented woman on earth? … Oh man y’all are delusional. The girl is a piece of trash…x”. 

I love the little ‘x’ at the end because it says so much more than ‘kisses’.

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It looks like the No-Longer-A-Countess Luann de Lesseps should have gone to Not Being A Terrible Mother Rehab after she got out of Drunk In Public Rehab.

Luann is now being sued by her ex-husband, Still-A-Count Alexandre de Lesseps and their two children, Victoria and Noel. The three claim that as part of the 2009 divorce settlement, Luann was supposed to have set up a trust for the kids, and when she sold the family home in Water Mill was to put half that money in the trust.

But they say Luann kept the cash for herself … because booze and lawyers don’t come cheap.

Maybe I spoke too soon? The minute I finished writing that snark, I learned that the No-Longer-A-Countess Luann de Lesseps has checked herself back into rehab and will not be at the Real Housewives reunion.

Luann, who has also been accused this month of having an affair with her married manager, will be absent from the show, leaving former foe, former frenemy, and current bestie Bethenny “Never One To Stop Talking” Frankel to speak for her—apparently Frankel has added spokesperson to the SkinnyGirl empire:

“This weekend, Luann was surrounded by her girlfriends and decided—with their support—that in light of recent circumstances, it is the healthiest choice for her not to attend Tuesday’s reunion taping so that she can continue in her healing process. Luann is now surrounded by a core group of people who truly have her best interests at heart and who are working to make sure she gets the help she needs.”

That’s mighty brave … of Bethenny. I mean, it was an entire paragraph and she didn’t mention her contentious divorce, her custody battle, her dead friendship with Carole, or SkinnyGirl, even once.

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Last week, Blake Shelton was performing in concert and announced to the crowd that his guitarist had embarrassed himself in front of 200,000 people by playing the wrong song.

Then, as Shelton does, he embarrassed himself because he fell onstage; he didn’t trip, y’all, he just tumbled. And then said:

“And yes I had been drinking. A lot…”

Boy, I love spending my hard-earned coins from my job as a Walmart greeter to plunk down a hundred bucks to see some drunk guy fall down onstage. I mean, why not save some cash, buy a fifth of bourbon, play Blake’s music in my living room and drink till I pass out.

It’d be the same thing. Amirite?

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I’ve often said I’d marry Matt Lauer just so I could walk away a multi-millionaire when he gets caught being a sexual predator, but that bitch Annette Roque beat me to the punch.

Last I heard, Annette was said to be walking away from Pervy Lauer with four of the family homes and cash winnings of $20 million. Well, the divorce is settled, and it appears that Annette has won $50 million in cash and prizes … a horse farm, a house in the Hamptons, two other homes, and over $25 million in unmarked bills.

The best news? Lauer is said to be furious about the deal because Annette is getting half of his estimated fortune of $100 million.

Oh, Matty, you should’a kept your dick in your pants, your mouth shut and your hands to yourself. Ass.

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This is filed under the You Knew What You Were Getting When You Started Dating a Kardastrophe, AKA the Stop Acting Stoopid file.

Younes Bendjima, Kourtney Kardastrophe’s boyfriend, got his panties in a bunch when he began taking a stroll through his media whore girlfriend’s social media pages and discovered Kourtney loves to show her ass on the internet.

And.He.Was.Shocked. He saw the photo and commented:

“That’s what you need to show to get likes?”

No, that’s what she needs to show so That Woman will cut her a check every month because her only job is as a social media nude model.

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And lastly, let’s end with one of the dumbest people I’ve ever heard of: Wiz Khalifa.

Apparently, he was on some chat show and said that a straight man should never eat a whole banana in public because it’s “sus,” meaning “suspect”, meaning it looks like he has a dick in his mouth.

Seriously. Um, Wiz, eating a banana whole does not make you gay. Taking a banana and shoving it up your ass might mean your gay, though, so be careful about that. M’kay?

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It's Snarkurday!

Mo’Nique has been out and about bashing Netflix because they offered her a measly $50,000 for a comedy special after offering Amy Schumer millions; to be fair, Amy sold out Madison Square Garden twice and had a hit movie in 2017 and Mo’Nique ……. Crickets.

This week she took her Cheese’n’Whine act to The View and one Whoopi Goldberg was not having it. When Joy Behar asked Mo’ to elaborate on her current status in Hollywood, she claimed to have been experiencing a backlash since starring in Precious:

“Eight years ago, I did a movie called Precious. On that film I received $50,000. That was not my argument, nor my fight because that’s what I signed up for. My deal was with a man named Lee Daniels. I did all of my contractual obligations and I was done. Then I started getting phone calls from Lee Daniels, Tyler Perry and Oprah Winfrey. They wanted me to come work for free. To go over to Cannes and promote this film internationally. I said to them, ‘Guys, my deal is with Lee Daniels and I’ve done my job.’ And they all agreed.”

Mo’Nique then tried to suggest that being asked to go to Cannes was somehow akin to being sexually harassed or assaulted:

“This is what happens, in my humble opinion, when you don’t go up to the hotel room.”

Seriously, she thinks a studio wanting you to promote a movie is the same as actresses getting assaulted in hotel rooms. And that’s when Whoopi had enough:

“I’m going to stop you, because contractually, when you make a movie, regardless of who you sign the deal with, your job is to go and promote said movie. So, when they wanted you to come — and we’ve had this conversation. I told you, ‘If you had called me, I could have schooled you on what was expected.’”

And Mo’Nique tried to explain, again:

“Now when I make this statement, ‘This is what happens when you don’t go to the room,’ what Tyler Perry showed me, Lee Daniels, Oprah Winfrey and Lionsgate, is when you don’t do what we ask you to do, we’ll take your livelihood. So, for eight years, my family has suffered, and my career has suffered because what I would not allow those entities to do was bully me. And because I didn’t allow the bullying to happen, this is now what I sit in.”

Seriously, you were asked to go promote a movie, as Whoopi said was part of your obligation, but because they didn’t throw more coins at you, you claim it’s a #MeToo moment?

Gurl bye.

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You may remember Veronica Morales who own an event planning company called Blue Ivy and has been sued, and is suing, Beyoncé because Beyoncé named her baby Blue Ivy and only Beyoncé can market a child for coins even though Veronica came up with that name way before Blue Ivy Carter was born.

Beyoncé is adamant about owning the trademark so she can begin selling merchandise under that name, but Veronica has long opposed the trademark filing and tried to settle with Bey.

And now she has revealed how she wants it settled … Morales wants Beyoncé to buy her business and the “Blue Ivy” trademark and then the two women could work together. And Morales will allow this to happen for $10 million.

Except Beyoncé doesn’t share coins with anyone whose name isn’t Knowles or Carter, so she said Oh hell no!

And now she and her legal team want all the evidence of Morales deal pitch, including her Power Point™ presentation because they say this was her plan all along … to sell her business for coins rather than close it because an egomaniacal pop tart wants control over a couple of words.

I am so Team Morales. Well, I am actually Team AnybodyButBeyonce.

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Last October, Ewan McGregor left his wife of 22 years, Eve Mavrakis, after having an affair with his Fargo costar Mary Elizabeth Winstead. Now, some say Ewan and Eve had sort of an open marriage though they never confirmed as much, but there were long-standing rumors of his affairs with multiple female costars over the years. But he always went back to Eve.

Until Winstead; until he filed for divorce; until he moved in with Winstead. Until that might be over, because ALLEGEDLY Mary Elizabeth Winstead is tired of being called a “homewrecker” and may have ended the affair.

I thought she might have ended it when Ewan won a Golden Globe earlier this year and, in his speech, thanked his wife and his mistress.

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Okay, Kevin Federline, the ex-mister Britney Spears, used to be The Joke … until Britney went Umbrella Bald Crazy and suddenly she became the joke, but …let us not forget that since K-Fed and Brit divorced, and Britney’s father became her conservator, he has had primary custody of their two sons and can decide how much time Britney spends with their sons; and he’s been pretty fair, from what they say, but …now K-Fed wants more coins after Brit’s successful Las Vegas residency, which has grossed some $137 million. And so K-Fed’s lawyer sent a letter to Spears’ team asking for an increase of the more than $20,000 a month he gets now … more than the $700 a day he gets now.

Both parties are hoping to reach an amicable agreement without having to go to court, though if they do it will be K-Fed and Papa Spears facing off because, sadly, legally, Brit has no standing with either money or her kids.

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Poor Heather Locklear … she has another mugshot to add to her I’m Trying To Beat Lohan In The Mugshot Sweepstakes collection. That's the old one on the left, and the newest one is to the right.

Her last mugshot came last year after she drove her Porsche into a ditch in Thousand Oaks and was found to be more than a little drunk’n’high. But this time the mugshot is because she was arrested at her home for ALLEGEDLY beating up her boyfriend, Chris Heisser, and then attacking a police officer.

Shades of LuAnn de Lesseps!

Apparently, Heather’s brother, Mark, showed up at her house in time to see the main attraction of his sister pummeling her boyfriend, and calling 911.  When police arrived, they saw a “visible mark” on Heisser, so they tried to arrest her, but Locklear wasn’t going down without another fight; she began flailing around and kicking at least three deputies who eventually put her into handcuffs and took her to a hospital for “evaluation.” She’s been charged with felony domestic violence and 3 counts of misdemeanor battery on emergency personnel.

Heather has been arrested for DUI before, and last year, she went to rehab for the fifth time for her addiction to booze and pills. In 2012, she was accused of punching then-boyfriend Jack Wagner in the face during a fight where they both got violent on each other.

Cue the next I’m going to rehab statement.

And, to make it even more interesting, a few hours after Heather’s arrest for beating him up, Chris Heisser was arrested for DUI on the 101 freeway.

Oh, they sound fun!

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And keeping with the Old School Melrose Place gossip, it looks like Jamie Lunar, who played Lexi on the show, may have sexually abused a minor back in the day.

A thirty-something man has filed a sexual misconduct report with the LAPD claiming that when he was 16 years old in 1998, Jamie Luner, 27 at the time, performed oral sex on him.

To be fair, there are no details on where it happened or if the man was a teen actor at the time, and while the police are investigating, it’s unlikely that they’ll file charges against since the statute of limitations is up.

Still, Melrose Place off-screen must have been as wild as Melrose Place on-screen.

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They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you a cloned version of your dead dog if you’re Barbra Streisand.

Last year, Bab’s beloved 14-year-old Sammie Streisand went … to live on a farm where he could run free. I mean, at least I think that’s where he went, my parents always told me when our pets suddenly disappeared, that they were living on a farm somewhere, so maybe Sammie’s there, too.

Anyway, in a recent Variety story, Streisand claimed that she has Sammie cloned after taking cells from her stomach and mouth—the dog’s, not Bab’s—before Sammie passed. And so now, Bab’s has three Coton du Tulears: Miss Fanny, a distant cousin of Sammie’s, and Miss Violet and Miss Scarlett, who are clones of the dead dog:

“They have different personalities. I’m waiting for them to get older so I can see if they have her [Samantha’s] brown eyes and seriousness.”

Luckily Bab’s is made of cash because it costs upwards of $50,000 to clone one dog.

I wonder what might happen if Streisand’s husband, James Brolin, goes to live on a farm one day; I mean, if Bab’s stays true to form there might be a couple of Brolin Clones walking about Malibu, and if she’s cool with it, I’ll take one.

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Last fall, Ryan Seacrest tried to get ahead of a #MeToo story wherein a former stylist had filed an ALLEGED sexual harassment complaint by apologizing while dubbing the ALLEGATIONS “reckless.” The E! channel then launched an internal investigation and concluded there was “insufficient evidence” to support the ALLEGATIONS against Seacrest.

That seemed to end the story until this week when the female … I was shocked, too … accuser stepped up to share the details.

Suzie Hardy worked as Seacrest’s stylist on E! News from 2007 to 2013 after his personal assistant found her; that same assistant then hinted that Seacrest was hard for Hardy and that’s when she ALLEGES that Seacrest started asking to help him all the time, even when she wasn’t needed; like the time he summoned her to his home to tie a tie for him. Then, while getting Seacrest ready for the 2007/2008 New Year’s Rocking Eve special, he ALLEGEDLY asked Hardy to take a nap with him.

Seriously? Naps and hugs? Was she his stylist or his Nana? But eventually, things got physical.  Hardy ALLEGES that in 2007, Ryan, wearing only his underwear … Underoos™? … wrapped her in a bear hug, something she claims he did quite often whilst wearing just his boy briefs. Hardy also claims Seacrest confronted her once and said:

“I just don’t think you’re attracted to me.”

And she replied:

“I’m attracted to my paycheck.”

In 2008, Seacrest ALLEGEDLY walked up behind Hardy, slipped his hand onto her crotch, and asked if she was going to sue him; she replied she wouldn’t if she remained employed.

That seems odd, but in addition to Hardy stepping forward, a former co-worker also claims to have seen evidence of Seacrest’s misbehavior. He says he saw Seacrest trip Hardy many times, and once saw him ALLEGEDLY push her head into his crotch while she tied his shoes. The co-worker also claims to have seen Seacrest, again in his underwear, rub his erect penis against Hardy after pushing her onto a hotel bed while preparing for the 2009 Oscars. He only stopping after that co-worker yelled at him to stop. Lastly, Hardy says that when she began dating a high-powered attorney, Seacrest ALLEGEDLY asked if she had “fucked him” yet while grabbing at her crotch.

In 2013, Human Resources from E! approached Hardy about relationship with Ryan and she swore there was nothing physical between the two, but that he had been inappropriate with her many times; two weeks later she was fired.

E! has released a statement saying that any claims questioning the legitimacy of their investigation are “baseless” and then Seacrest’s attorney went after Hardy, accusing her of lying and using the story to get $15 million from Seacrest.

Look, if Ryan Seacrest, wearing his Garanimal™ tried to rub a hard penis against me, I’d want $15 million and a Silkwood Scrubdown.

I need a bath just writing this …

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Someone should be careful about dogging anyone else’s films after starring in the misfire mother and playing a cartoon version of a cartoon Russian spy in Red Sparrow.

Amirite Jennifer Lawrence?

While out promoting her next disaster film—not to be confused with films about disasters—Lawrence appeared on Marc Maron’s WTF to dump all over Phantom Thread. JLaw loves couture fashion, but not films about couture fashion, I’m guessing. She says she tried to watch Phantom Thread but couldn’t make it past the first three minutes:

“I got through about three minutes of it. I put in a good solid three. I’m sorry to anybody who loved that movie. I couldn’t give that kind of time. It was three minutes and I was just [oof].”

Funny, I sat through a four-minute trailer for Red Sparrow before I said ‘oof’ and marked another minute off of Jennifer Lawqrence’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame.

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It's Snarkurday!

Kate del Castillo is the actress who accompanied Sean Penn to interview international drug lord Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzmán last year, but now Penn is trying to get Kate’s documentary about their trip—The Day I Met El Chapo: The Kate Del Castillo Story—removed from Netflix.  Why you ask? Perhaps it has something to do with del Castillo’s revelation that, right after meeting El Chapo, she and Penn banged because, you know, meeting a drug lord turns folks on:

“It was never a relationship. It was just business. And sex.”

In her documentary, del Castillo says she “fell” for Penn during their adventure, but Penn wants nothing to do with that storyline, and had one of his lawyers send a letter to Netflix saying “that blood will be on their hands if this film causes bodily harm.”

Wow. But they didn’t let the drama end there; Penn’s spokesman Mark Fabiani says:

“This is not about one person’s safety. These producers are propagating false and reckless fabrications for their profit. This is nothing but a cheap, National Enquirer-esque tale spun by a delusional person whose hunger for fame is both tawdry and transparent.”

Wait, so Sean Penn believes that people will die if this story stays out there; this story of him banging some D-list actress-documentarian? I mean, if every time Sean Penn banged an actress someone died, we’d all be dead by now. Am I right?

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Lock up your wives and daughters, sister and aunts, Harvey Weinstein is out of sex addiction rehab and he’s cured.

After one week at a posh rehab facility in Arizona for “sex addiction”—exposing himself to women, jacking off in front of women, grabbing women, climbing on women, attempting to rape women—the ladies now have nothing to worry about. After a quarter of a century of sexual harassment, of sexual assault, Harvey’s fixed himself.

Weinstein’s doctor—who may or may not be an unemployed actor looking for any kind of a break—says Harvey completed his one week of treatment for “psychological issues” and was ready to return to society fully cured.

Of course, when people began to question the validity of the One Week Cure, it was decided that Harvey will remain in Arizona for another month because “he doesn’t want excessive distractions and wants to continue working with his doctors.”

Oh, so it’s a Five Week Cure? Seriously; it’s classic white privilege because if Harvey Weinstein was a different color he’d have been in prison years ago.

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Someone check the video and get the police to confirm Taylor Swift’s alibi for where she was last Wednesday night because that was the night that, during Katy Perry’s concert in Nashville the shiz hit the fan.

It seems there was a bit of a malfunction junction at Perry’s show when, after performing “Thinking Of You,” Perry’s tie-dyed version Saturn got stuck in the air and she couldn’t get down; and Perry said:

“This is the first time I’ve been stuck in space! I know I’m kind of a space cadet, but actually, this thing is being stuck right now.”

No word yet on where Swifty was or why she was last seen carrying A Hello Kitty Tool-box.

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Oops!  Ewan McGregor has been caught kissing his “Fargo” co-star, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, in a London restaurant, and Ewan’s wife just might not be thrilled about it. It seems the 46-year-old father of four and the 32-year-old Winstead—who played his lover on the FX series—shared a passionate kiss at the Good Life Eatery and there are pictures to prove it.

Maybe this was Ewan’s of telling his wife their marriage was over because the Good Life Eatery is London’s version of LA’s Ivy, where celebrities go to be seen; it was at the Ivy during the height of their Bennifer-ness that Affleck and JLo often visited dressed to the nines and looking all lovey-dovey.

Perhaps, though, it’s all stuff and nonsense, because McGregor and his wife of 22 years, Eve Mavrakis, apparently called it quits in May but kept the news private, though they each posted photos to social media of themselves without their wedding rings on, which, you know, is the way of saying “It’s over.”

So maybe Ewan isn’t a cheater, maybe he just got a new love first except ... it was back in May, right about the time Fargo finished shooting that McGregor and his wife split, and that was the same time that Winstead announced her split from her husband of seven years, Riley Stearns.

Just sayin’.

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Gosh, Kathy Griffin will do anything for press.

This time she announced that she is firing celebrity attorney Lisa Bloom, who represented her after she held up a fake bloody head of _____, and stood by her side as she went rogue during a press conference. And in typical Griffin fashion she went all over social media to share the news that she fired her attorney:

“Dear @LisaBloom pls stop calling me. If you’d like to refund me the tens of thousands of $$ I wasted on your services maybe I’ll talk to you.”

Griffin ALLEGEDLY paid Bloom $40,000 to represent her for two days, most notably at that June press conference, where Griffin whined that she was the victim of bullying by the _____ family over that photograph. And of course, because this is two dimwits having a spat, Bloom lashed back with her own tweet in which she said in a lengthy statement that Griffin had reached out to her before the press conference:

“Her entire team (entertainment lawyer, criminal lawyer, and several others) approved in advance the statements she and I were going to make. Yet Kathy then during the press conference spontaneously chose to put aside the notes we had worked so hard on together. She said on camera ‘my notes are by the wayside and it’s all off the cuff’ and then ad libbed. I was sorry she made that choice but I respected her right to speak as she saw fit. She was, as she says, the widely panned for her comments. Now she blamed me.”

Of course she did, because Griffin does things and then blames everyone else for the repercussions.

She really needs to sit down.

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Faye Dunaway used to be a serious actress and was most often taken seriously ... then came Mommie Dearest and she either turned into a parody of Joan Crawford diva-ness, or else the diva-ness was already there and was only exacerbated by playing Christina’s axe-wielding mother. And now the weave workers at the Marie Robinson Salon in NYC have their own tale to tell.

Apparently Miss Dunaway believes she was overcharged for services rendered and went all wire-hanger on the salon when they presented her with a $3,000 bill and expected her, Miss Faye Dunaway, to pay full price!

“She claimed she didn’t know it was that expensive and then said, ‘I’m not paying that. I can’t believe how expensive this is. I’m only paying half!’… they took her half, but staff explained, ‘You’re going to have to pay the rest.’ And Faye stormed out screeching, ‘This is ridiculous!’ Everyone in the salon was aghast … Her hair looked great — so she should pay!”

Um, Faye, honey? Maybe when they began adding a full head of hair onto your head you might have pointed out you just wanted a retouch?

Dunaway is now doing damage control herself, telling Page Six:

“I’d prefer you not run [the story]. I’ve now paid the whole thing — but I will not be going back there because it is not the price they said it would be. So, I don’t know what to say to you except I didn’t throw a fit. I was just very alarmed at the amount they were charging me for the very small amount of hair work that they did.”

The salon said nothing; they just cashed the check before the stop payment went through.

Poor Faye; the two biggest highlights of her career are playing Joan Crawford so well that she started to think and act like her, and for blurting out the wrong Best Picture winner at this year’s Oscars.

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Last year Miles Teller did and interview with   Esquire in which the magazine called him “dickish.” And so he became the new Dickish Actor and is now telling us that it’s bothered him the whole time because ... oh, let’s have him tell it:

“I can’t put much weight into whether the public likes me because the more important thing is that, as an actor, I can truly say that there’s not a single director or actor who I’ve worked with who’d have a bad thing to say about me. I’ve never missed a day of work. I’ve never not known a line. ... I know the kind of brother I am. I know the kind of son I am. I’ve had the same friends since I was 14, 15. I’ve been with the same girl for four-and-a-half years. I have a dog. I know who I am, and it’s not who I was in that story.”

Wait, so he shows up to work on time, has a girlfriend and a dog and that makes him less dickish?

Try again, Miles.

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Oops, sexual harassment isn’t just a Hollywood problem; it’s everywhere, including the kitchen ...

New Orleans star chef John Besh is stepping down from his company, Besh Restaurant Group [BRG], after he and several of his colleagues were accused of sexual harassment. In a letter to restaurant staff, BRG announced that Besh was stepping down “from all aspects of operations . . . to provide his full focus on this family.”

Meaning he’s got some ‘splaining to do.

A lot, because there are some twenty-five woman who say that “several male co-workers and bosses [at BRG] touched female employees without consent, made suggestive comments about their appearance and—in a few cases—tried to leverage positions of authority for sex.”

One former employee claims she was pressured into a sexual relationship with Besh, though the married father says the affair was consensual ... which makes it okay ... ?

Seriously, men need to stop this shiz, and women need to speak up more.

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Eight years ago, The Weinstein Company announced they were working on a feature film about Judy Garland, based on the book Get Happy: The Life of Judy Garland, and was supposed to star ... gulp ... Anne Hathaway.

Eight years later that project went nowhere until recently when it was announced that a different Judy Garland biopic will be made and will star ... double gulp ... Renee Zellweger. The movie will be called Judy and will focus on Judy Garland’s final sold-out concerts at The Talk of the Town in London in the late ’60s shortly before her death.

Seriously? Renee will be Judy? I mean, I know they don’t want an impersonator but that up there—before and after plastic surgery—is supposed to be Judy Mother-Effing Garland?

Even with her new face she ain’t no Judy. Zellweger ruins everything.

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