Why Is It ...

… that Democrats don’t realize that Social Security is an entitlement, and the GOP doesn’t realize that Americans are entitled to Social Security because we’ve spent a lifetime paying into it?

 … that Mick Jagger is 80 and Mitch McConnell is 81 which makes it seem like the benefits of a life of sex, drugs, and rock-'n'-roll should be the way to go. Or is it because Mitch McConnell sold his soul to the Devil and Satan is demanding payment?

… rich self-entitled fools like Paris Hilton and her husband, Carter Reum, play on a beach in Maui, with their photographers taking family photos, while fires raged, homes were destroyed and businesses lost? Oh, yeah, out of touch fools.

.… that the MAGAts are threatening Civil War at the exact moment their leaders are surrendering in Georgia? Haven’t we already been here?

… that South Carolina has two senators, Scott and Graham, who are confirmed bachelors? Are they secretly dating?

… that all I need to be happy is six or seven meals a day, 10 hours of sleep, a nice pair of comfy shorts, complete solitude, and absolutely no social obligation whatsoever?

… that there are just two kinds of people: those who pack ten days in advance of a trip and think through everything, and those who wake up the morning of the trip and decide to do their laundry? And which one is Carlos?

… that during the few days after St. Patrick’s Day we don’t see alcohol in the half-off bin like we do post-Valentine’s Day candies?

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Gigi Hadid has bangs, y’all.

That’s the headline after Hadid broke up with Zayn Malik, with whom she shares a daughter, Khai, after Zayn ALLEGEDLY physically and verbally assaulted Gigi’s mother, Yolanda Hadid, during an argument in September.

But Gigi got bangs!

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After news broke that Funny Girl would return to Broadway and that  Beanie Feldstein [left]—who played Monica Lewinsky in Impeachment: American Crime Story—will star as Fanny Brice, one former Glee star, Lea Michele [right] , was said to be devastated.

You see, Ryan Murphy, who produced Glee and, ironically, Impeachment: American Crime Story, wanted to buy the rights to Funny Girl for Michele, but his deal fell through, and the new producing team probably heard stories about Michele’s horrible reputation and went with Feldstein, after which Lea, trying to save her already horrid reputation, rather than sh*tting in Feldstein’s ‘Monica’ beret—something she wanted to do to a Glee extra—Michele replied to Beanie’s Instagram post about her new gig:

“Yes! YOU are the greatest star! This is going to be epic!” 

Actually, my guess is that Lea had someone else type that while she was screaming and tearing her hair out. Anyway, more time has passed and Lea  wants y’all to know that she is still super happy about Beanie getting the role; it’s fine, y’all, really. And we know this because Lea said so in a podcast:

“There’s been so much talk about me coming to Broadway—and not coming to Broadway! Listen, I am so unbelievably excited to see Funny Girl on Broadway. I cannot wait. I had drinks with [director] Michael [Mayer] the other day, and I just think that Beanie is an incredible choice for the production, and I think it’s going to be so wonderful. I can’t wait to see Jane [Lynch] in it as well. I think that a lot of people always put me in the lane with Funny Girl because, of course, I love the show and the music. But I did get to do a lot of it on Glee.”

Wow, the thirst is real; first she does “drinks” with the director, and then of course mentions how many people thought she should play Fanny and how many times she’s sung the role. And then she adds:

“There were so many shows and so many roles that I would love to play, and I’m so grateful that Broadway is back now. But for me to come back to Broadway… Maybe I am coming back to Broadway!”

If I were Beanie I’d be looking for marbles on the stairs or baby oil drizzled on the stage because Lea is coming to Broadway … though she’ll need a ticket.

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Well well well … 40-year-old Paris Hilton finally tied a man down.

Last week she married 40-year-old Carter Reum during a three-day-wedding that was filmed for a reality show so that neither Paris nor Carter had to actually pay for it. And that might be a good thing because now we know that Carter has a secret nine-year-old daughter that he takes care of financially, though he’s only seen her once in her life.

And Paris hopes to have children with this man? Good luck.

Sidenote: he looks like a terrible father in that photo.

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Sorry not sorry, but as Erika Jayne and soon-to-be ex-husband Tom Girardi are still fighting the We Stole From Burn Victims and Orphans to Fund Our Lavish Lifestyle scenario, comes word that their home they are selling has now been knocked down in price …again.

The Pasadena mansion hit the market earlier this year for $13 million but as no one put an offer on the place, the price was dropped two months later to $11.5 million, then dropped again to $9.98 million, and has been dropped again, down 37% to from the original price to just $8 million.

And is still sitting empty.

Sorry, not sorry.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Candace Cameron Bure appeared on the The Paula Faris Podcast, but not to talk about her jailbird co-star from Fuller House, Lori Loughlin, or her lunatic, Christian wingnut anti-masker brother, Kirk Cameron, but about Hallmark movies. And she got a little hot under the collar when Faris suggested that acting in a Hallmark Channel movie was an easy job:

“I get that all the time. ‘How hard is it to be in a Hallmark movie?’ Like, ‘Can I be in a Hallmark movie?’ And I’m like, ‘Are you a professional actor?’ ‘No.’ ‘Then no, you cannot.’ … You can be a background person, they’re called extras. If you don’t have a speaking part, that’s easy. I can make that happen. If you have a speaking part, then we’re gonna have to make sure you can do the job.”

Seriously Candy? The plots are interchangeable from actor to actor, and from season to season. I mean, perhaps you’re working harder now that Lori ‘Big Fuller House Becky’ Loughlin is banned for being a jailbird, but what you do isn’t acting; it’s reading.

Take a seat, Meryl.

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Well, it appears that Armie Hammer’s star is continuing to fall in light of his “kinks” like, ALLEGEDLY, cannibalism and, not so ALLEGEDLY, carving his initials into the skin of his sex partners.

This week, as the stories continue to grow, both Armie’s publicist, and his agents at William Morris Endeavor dumped him as a client. Now, I imagine the publicist left because how can you handle this mess when it appears your client doesn’t deny anything and merely whines about being outed, and “kink shamed” on the internet.

But the WME situation is a bit more telling. See, about a month after Instagram user House of Effie and other women accused Hammer of being, not just kinky, but  mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive and ignoring boundaries and safe words, his agent dropped Armie’s ass after another round of DMs from the Instagram user leaked in which Armie tells her that he’s got some blackmail material on his agent.

And right after those came out, the agent said:

“It’s not me, it’s you.”

And changed his phone number.

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How do you say, in the English, ‘too late, Hilaria Baldwin.’?

In today’s episode of Hillary/Hilaria, Mrs. Baldwin—if that’s how it’s pronounced in English—issued another apology for lying about being Spanish and not being “more clear” about her cultural background:

“I’ve spent the last month listening, reflecting, and asking myself how I can learn and grow. My parents raised my brother and me with two cultures, American and Spanish, and I feel a true sense of belonging to both. The way I’ve spoken about myself and my deep connection to two cultures could have been better explained—I should have been more clear and I’m sorry.”

Um, Hil? Try saying it like this: I am not now, nor have I ever been Spanish. I have only, always and ever been a privileged, spoiled white girl from Massachusetts.

And then sit down.

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Paris Hilton is in love, again, and apparently ready to squeeze out some designer twins, via IVF, with her latest fiancé, businessman Carter Reum. But when you’ve had as many boyfriends and fiancés as Paris, what exactly do you get the latest for his birthday?

A nearly life-sized portrait of the two of them. All that money and she basically enlarged a selfie? And then the happy couple posed like their photographic altar egos while Carter mused about finding a wall large enough for the gift.

There are four walls in a dumpster, Carter.

Just sayin’.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Just when you think she’d gone away for good, Paris Hilton has crawled from the ooze to claim that she invented the selfie. You see, back in 2017, this dim bulb Tweeted a photo of herself hanging out with Britney Spears back in 2006, and wrote:

“11 years ago today, Me & Britney invented the selfie!”

Twitter, like most of the world, ignored Paris, so she came back three years later to again Tweet:

“14 years ago, @britneyspears and I invented the selfie #LegendsOnly.”

And more than 106,000 people liked the picture, while a few took Paris to task, posting things like this from someone named Tito Ambyo:

“The drunk Aussie dude did it before you though. In 2002.”

But then a Tweeter named Shelby dropped the mic when she posted:

“Sorry [Paris], these are the oldest selfie in the world.”

So, take a seat Paris; take several seats. You didn’t’ invent the selfie, but you most assuredly invented Clueless Media Whore.

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Uh-oh, her heart may go on, but there will be fewer coins in the bank account.

Yup, Celine Dion just lost a lawsuit between herself and her former talent agency ICM Partners. ICM was suing Celine, saying she owed them a boatload of cash in commissions, as stipulated in her contract with them, and a judge sided with ICM.

It all began in 2017, when Celine signed a multi-year touring and performing contract with AEG ALLEGEDLY valued at $500 million. ICM claimed Celine never paid them their cut of the deal and so, in 2019, ICM and Dion’s longtime representative, Rob Prinz, dropped her as a client, and then sued her for the money.

Celine argued that she had already paid Rob tons of money in the 30 years she was a client but that matters not when it comes to the $500M she pocketed while a client. So, Celine then claimed that Rob and ICM tried to take advantage of her after her husband, Rene Angelil, died in 2016, because Rene handled the business side of things, and she wasn’t used to doing that on her own:

“I have paid Mr. Prinz many millions of dollars over the years. And when this all started, my team made an extremely generous offer to pay him and ICM many more millions for years to come, even though our old agreements were over and we had not made a new one. I’m not saying that Mr. Prinz did not do anything, but he’s taking much more credit for my career than he deserves. Mr. Prinz had never asked to be paid for 10 years for a few months’ work, and I never agreed to it. When Rene was alive, he took care of my business and was always very fair with the people we worked with, and he taught me to be the same. Because he wasn’t here to stand up for me at the hearing, I feel like Mr. Prinz and ICM took advantage with their demands for money and revealing confidential information about my AEG deal. I feel betrayed.”

As Judge Judy might say, I don’t care how you feel, and this judge wasn’t buying the poor widow act from someone who had been in the business since she was a child bride. Cough up the coins, Celine. Don’t be a deadbeat. ICM wants their $13 million.

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Cue the dragons, Jane Seymour is pissed.

Apparently the producers of something called Glow and Darkness—a medieval miniseries—have replaced Seymour in part of the series with a :::gasp::: younger actress! You see, Jane’s character, Eleanor of Aquitaine, was supposed to age from 25 to 80, and producers just didn’t think sixty-nine-year-old  Jane could pull off mid-twenties. Normally, I’d say cast an actual twenty-something in the role, but here’s the rub:  one of Jane’s co-stars is 87-year-old Dame Joan Collins who plays a woman who dies at age 40. 

Collins can play 40 but Seymour can’t pay 25? To be fair, Jane will still play Eleanor, but another actress will play younger Eleanor, and that pisses off Jane, who says she didn’t learn about the switch until she arrived on-set:

“They told me that only I was going to play myself at 25, but before I even got round to doing it, the day before, without telling me, they found another actress to play me at 25. It’s something I really don’t understand at all because believe it or not, and you can see on Instagram, they don’t even need to do the facial stuff on me. It works just fine. Joan Collins is 87, and she’s supposed to be playing a woman who dies at 40.”

Ouch. Jane just threw Joan under the bus with the “facial stuff” comment. I wouldn’t want to be her on that film set. But, if Jane, who, yes, looks fabulous at 69, thinks she looks 25, then maybe cataract surgery is in order?

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It was just the other day that I posted about former actor and accused domestic abuser Ricky Schroeder throwing the last few coins he has into the bail out pool for the Kenosha Murderer, and now Ricky is whining that people are being mean to him for helping a boy, a child, who illegally purchased a gun, murder two people and injure a third, get out of jail.

Schroeder has been on the receiving end of some absolutely terrifying “negative social media posts” and, as MAGAts do when people call them out of their brazen ignorance, stupidity and hate, he called the police because people on social media were mean to him. Oh, honey, social media was invented so people can be mean to dicks like Rick.

Law enforcement sources say that police were called to Schroeder’s home after he went on Twitter and saw that someone had posted:

“Tbh thought he was dead. Would’ve been better”

“This was a racist move pure and simple”

And my personal favorite:

“Ricky Schroder can shove that silver spoon right up his own ass”

Police “determined none of the online comments rose to the level of a criminal threat” and left after taking a “suspicious circumstances report” adding that Schroder will be in contact with authorities if things escalate.

But then Ricky, who whined about meanies on social media, took to social media to, ahem, stand his ground by saying …

“To my Democrat Friends. This is the country want to live in? [sic] #fuckantifa”

… alongside screen shots of the mean things people, said about him and a photo of Ricky carrying a gun, roaming through his backyard of his manse in Malibu looking for that Antifa threat that is sure to come his way. And he wants y’all to know that he doesn’t give a flying f**k about COVID and is having all his family over for Superspreader Thanksgiving because he’s a patriot.

Or a MAGAt loon who bails out murderers and then calls the police because the internet trolled him.

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In the Thankful Spirit, let’s talk about a real patriot, from Canada, Alex Trebek. It seems the late Jeopardy! host was quite the conservationist who quietly donated 62 acres of his land in the Hollywood Hills to the city of Los Angeles nearly twenty years ago. It’s called the Trebek Open Space, and it runs into Runyon Canyon park providing trails for hikers, mountain bikers, and equestrians. When Trebek passed away a couple of weeks ago, the Laurel Canyon Land Trust posted about his donation:

“Today Alex Trebek passed away. Did you know that he was generous conservationist in addition to being a famous game show host? He donated 62 acres of land in the Santa Monica Mountains in Nichols Canyon to create the Trebek Open Space. This was not only a gift to urban Angelinos who thirst for open space and outdoor activity, but a gift to native animals such as our local Mountain Lions that require large amounts of open space in order to survive, and a gift to future generations who will have to reckon with climate change in the years to come. Thank you Alex Trebek and may you Rest in Peace.”

That’s how it’s done.

RIP Alex. And thank you.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I loathe Taylor Swift, but then I read this, and while I still loathe her, I found it funny, narcissistic, and just plain ridiculous.

I also loathe Justin Bieber, but then I read this, and while I still loathe himr, I found it funny, narcissistic, and just plain ridiculous

Rumor has it that Swifty tried to have Justin Bieber and his entourage kicked out of the Dogpound Gym in West Hollywood so she could work out in private. Her request was denied.

Anyway, Justin was “working out” when Swifty showed up for her work-out with a trainer—which was mostly just posing while people tried to make her look interesting—and she wanted the gym shut down for her personal private use only. And everyone—including the Biebs—was told to vamoose because Taylor had an appointment.

Well, Justin pipsqueaked up and said he was going to finish his “work out” and then and only then would he leave. And Justin, who did not have an appointment, finished and left and Taylor got in her “work out.”

Wow, who to pick in this scuffle … which side to take … Oh yeah, I’m #TeamNoOne.

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While the old adage that there’s a sucker born every minute was proven true once more now that GOOP’s coochie candles sold out, we know that one Martha Stewart never bought one and never will.

On a recent Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen, Martha opened up an enormous can of shade about Gwyneth Paltrow’s latest attention beg:

“I’m sure it’s sold out. She does that kind of irritating … she’s trying to zhush up the public to listen to her. And that’s great, I mean, let her do her thing. I wouldn’t buy that candle.”

And when Andy Cohen asked Martha what it said about America that people were buying a candle that smelled of GOOP cooch, Martha said:

“I think it’s just a lot of guys who are horny.”

Buy a GOOP Cooch Candle™, grab some lube and tissues and have a tug, eh Martha?

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While we’re all waiting for that new Adele album to drop, there’s some other new music you might wanna get your paws on. After months of teasing the public, Lindsay Lohan has let fans … Fans? Plural? … know that her newest album will be out at the end of next month.

Get in line now, it’s sure to sell out faster than Lindsey’s Vagina Candle which smelled of weed and Stoli and bar mats.

While we know that Lohan signed with a record label last June … ALLEGEDLY …  and she did release a new single, the “wildly” popular …at least with Lohans … Xanax, last September, here we are, a month into the New Year and where’s the album, LiLo?

Lindsay let the 700 people who follow her on WorldofLindsayLohan know that her newest album is dropping in February. 

She didn’t say what year, however, so maybe don’t get in line just yet.

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What? She fooled us? She wasn’t a spoiled drunken stupid party girl, but rather a simple girl with simple needs all this time?

Apparently so, because … wait for it, it’s rich or at least it pretends to be … Paris Hilton now claims her whole life up until right this minute was an act! At least that’s what she’s claiming in the upcoming documentary This Is Paris, and she is out pushing this thing with all kinds of revelations:

“I’ve never done anything like this in my life. In this film, I discuss things I’ve never discussed before. I hope that people are going to see who I truly am.”

A shallow vapid useless splotch of DNA? Honey, we already knew that.

But Paris swears the documentary follows her in “real life,” and that, well, let’s have her say because every time I try I start laughing so hard I can’t type:

“It follows me in my real life, everything I’ve done before was me playing a character. I was talking about things that are very hard to talk about. It was an amazing experience but it was very scary. I was freaking out.”

Paris also swears she was in on the “joke” that she was some dimwitted blond dye job with no discernible intellect or talent or use.

This Is Paris will debut on YouTube in May—so you know it’s the truth—and afterwards Paris will begin working in soup kitchen in South Central while getting a Masters in Social Work, opening up her Beverly Hills manse to immigrant refugees, and donating a lung to a needy child.

Seriously. ALLEGEDLY.

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Hockey player, Brooks Laich and his wife, actress[?], Julianne Hough, have been having marital problems or something because she’s doing that Oops, I forgot my wedding ring thing celebrities do; oh, and sources, I believe them to be Julianne Hough, say there have been marital issues for months.

Brooks has a podcast, upon which he often has Julianne and they discuss everything, but this marital strife is on the down low? Or, is it Brooks? While Julianne has said before that she’s not completely straight, Brooks is now suggesting that he’s like to explore his sexuality.

Brooks recently spoke with Gavin DeGraw on his How Men Think podcast and talked about how he isn’t “100 percent fully expressed” in terms of his true sexuality and that now he will do a “pleasure first” route in his choices. What does that mean? Well, Brook said it like this:

“One of my goals this year is to really explore like, learning about sexuality … People think that sexuality is just the act of sex, of just having sex and there’s so much more to it. Here’s a question … Are you fully 100% fully expressed in your true sexuality? With your partner? With everything? You could not imagine having a better sex life? Are you truly there? … I’m not either. So that’s what one of my goals this year is to really dive into.”

Does he want kink or does he want dick?

I’d offer to lend a hand …or whatever …either way.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Apparently, actor Mark Webber was fired from an ABC pilot before it even aired, and he thinks it’s because the executives did not find him handsome enough.

Seriously? ABC, home of John Goodman and Tim Allen is suddenly the arbiter of handsome men on TV? Bitch, please. And yet the fact remains that when ABC’s Untitled Colbie Smulders pilot—formally Stumptown—was the network’s first new drama series picked up, Webber’s name was nowhere in the cast list. And so naturally, Mark Webber too to Twitter:

“Look, I’m a straight white male so I know my journey has been way less painful in this warped industry, but I’m being recast in a network television show because I’m not handsome enough for the executives. … I’m so curious how they’re going to frame this in their upfront announcement. What the spin will be? Probably none as I’ve already been deemed insignificant by them. The way I was treated was so degrading. These ‘executive’ decisions are why network tv is dying. The way this industry has contributed to women hating their bodies is just ONE of the many things I’ve abhorred for so long. I know a lot of us men generally stay silent with our challenges in this arena.”

Wait, so you hate network TV, and you think it's dying and you feel network TV is degrading, but you’re pissy because network TV kicked you to the curb? You need to settle, Mark; settle down. But he didn’t; instead he continued:

“I was raised by a single teenage mom. We were poor. We were homeless. We lived in the streets. She became a radical revolutionary leader. I give zero fucks what filthy rich executives at huge corporations think about me. Never have. Never will. I feel sad that by expressing my own bad experience with the show I was fired from, that it could interfere with the positive experience the actors & creatives that are still on the show should be having. I wish the writers, producers and cast nothing but love.”

And what do you wish for network TV executives who will see this childish woe-is-me rant and scratch your name off their list of prospective actors?

Get back to Starbucks quickly, Mark, your job may still be open.

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Even better at trying to make sure she doesn’t work again is one Constance Wu, from TV’s Fresh Off the Boat and the movie Crazy Rich Asians. Wu is none-too-happy about that her show was picked up for a new season because she was hoping it would die so she could embark on a glorious film career, but ABC put the kibosh on that when they renewed the show, forcing Wu—who makes 300K a year from TV—to also take to Twitter to rage about still having a TV job:

“So upset right now that I’m literally crying. Ugh. F–k .” 

And when someone congratulated her on the renewal by saying it was “great news,” she replied:

“No, it’s not.”

Poor Constance; she’s got a job on TV making thousands of dollars a week and was in one of the biggest films of the year, but she wants us all to feel her pain at having to go back to TV. Luckily, perhaps in the nick of time, her publicist sat her down and told her she was inches away from destroying her career because now Wu is trying a different spin:

“That was not a rampage, it was just how I normally talk. I say f–k a lot. I love the word. Y’all are making a lot of assumptions about what I was saying. And no, it’s not what it’s about. No it’s not … what this is all about. Stop assuming. Todays tweets were on the heels of rough day&were ill timed w/the news of the show. Plz know, Im so grateful for FOTB renewal. I love the cast&crew. Im proud to be a part of it. For all the fans support, thank u & for all who support my casual use of the word f-ck-thank u too.” 

Nice try Constance, but … “So upset right now that I’m literally crying. Ugh. F–k” ... doesn’t sound like anything other than you being pissy at going back to star in a TV show making nearly half-a-million a year, rather than be an adult and see if you can work this out and still be allowed to work in film.

Maybe you and Mark will get hired to do PSAs for acne creams or suppositories.

At least until you both grow up.

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It used to be that Steve Harvey was everywhere you looked on television. Now? Not so much.

He’s been “let go” from two different jobs this week. First, it was announced that Steve would no longer be doing Little Big Shots because next season Melissa McCarthy will be the host.

Then came word that he’d been axed from his own talk show because they’re changing the name of it to The Kelly Clarkson Show and so Kelly Clarkson will be hosting that one.

Too bad he wasn’t quick enough to change his name to either Kelly McCarthy or Melissa Clarkson, cuz he might have kept both those gigs.

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Paris Hilton was on Watch What Happens Live! This week and is still trying to make herself relevant by reigniting her decades-old feud with Lindsay Lohan.

Paris had made it clear to interviewers that she never wants her name spoken in the same sentence as Lohan, and so Andy Cohen–being a big old drama queen–asked Paris to say three nice things about Lohan and she couldn’t come up with one, except to say:

“…She’s… beyond… lame and embarrassing.”

How funny that Paris Hilton is calling anyone embarrassing since the last time she was in the news was when she was going Full Lohan trying to get her engagement ring back from an ex-fiancé because she paid for it herself. Now that’s embarrassing.

Lindsay, of course, heard the news and had a source—possibly Dina after she’d soaked her head in a box of chardonnay—say that Lohan has not been in contact with Hilton in some time and doesn’t understand why the heiress continues to talk about her publicly. She feels Paris is a little obsessed with her and it’s becoming a thing.

An embarrassing thing.

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When we last left Constance Wu, she was trashing her TV show job because, after starring in one hit movie, as part of an ensemble, she thinks she’s a movie star. Trouble is she’s acting like a spoiled self-entitled movie star.

Apparently, Constance is a diva, and so much of a diva on the set of her new film Hustlers that she’s making her co-star, the diva of all divas, Jennifer Lopez, seem positively normal. In fact, a source from the set, and it’s either JLo or Cardi B, says:

“[Wu] is a pain in the fucking ass. She just won’t agree to do anything. She refuses to do interviews; she won’t have visitors on her sets. It’s like a cliché. She is very talented–but all signs are pointing to a difficult diva.”

And now, either though ABC President Karey Burke says the cast and crew of Fresh Off the Boat love Constance and have no plans to replace her, a source there claims Constance is the “most hated person on set.” They add that she’s rude to everybody, but mostly the crew.

In fact, they compare her to Katherine Heigl, and we all know how fabulous her career turned out to be; she’s on basic cable.

Now, I like a diva, especially one that makes JLo seem sweet and innocent, but Wu is about to Diva herself out of all jobs in Hollywood; well, unless she gets a job driving one of those buses that takes you by the movie star’s homes.

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When Ben Affleck announced he was no longer going to be Batman because the public shouted, “Please Ben! You’re not Batman! Stop!” we all thought big old hunk of beef, and My-Husband-In-My-Head, Armie Hammer was the new caped crusader.

Well, that’s not true, because it looks like Twilight star Robert Pattinson will mutter and pout his way into the cowl.

Seriously? That pale little waif of a man instead of Hammer? How’s he gonna get that gelled hair up in that mask?

Damn. I so wanted to be Missus Batman.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

We haven’t heard much about Kevin Spacey lately; at least not since he was outed as a sexual predator who preyed on men and young boys and then blamed it on being a homosexual.

So, here’s some new dish on Perv Spacey … he is set to be arraigned on a charge of indecent assault and battery at a Nantucket District Court just after the first of the year.

The ALLEGED victim in the case is the son of former Boston WCVB-TV news anchor Heather Unruh, who claims Spacey tried to rape her then-18-year-old son while he was working at The Club Car Restaurant on Nantucket in July 2016.

She says Spacey came in after the kid’s shift, hung out with the kid, bought the underage kid cocktails and asked the kid about his penis size and tried to get the kid into his room. Spacey also ALLEGEDLY reached into the kid’s pants and grabbed his genitals.

When Kevin went to the bathroom, a woman who saw it all, told the kid to run. The kid now says Spacey was trying to rape him and he has a video of Spacey grabbing his junk.

Oh Kevin, this has nothing to do with being gay but everything to do with being a sexual predator and a child molester. And I hope the book they throw at you hurts like hell … for 7-to-10 years .... or more.

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Lotsa Hot Topics about Wendy Williams having some sort of substance abuse issue, or self-medicating, or whatever, because lately, on her show, she has appeared out of it, slurring her words, and generally acting a little hooked on something other than herself.

Williams apologized  for slurring on TV, saying it was the fault of her painkillers which she’s taking for a fracture but maybe that wasn’t it; maybe it’s her husband’s mistress being pregnant with his child.

The source who spilled the tea believes Wendy might be self-medicating:

“[People] suspect she might be self-medicating [and the staff] is routinely having to adjust to her health issues—i.e. not walking out for the beginning of the show, zoning out during segments, etc. They’re really embarrassed about the whole situation.”

And so maybe all that drama lies at the feet of her husband, Kevin Hunter, who sidepiece is knocked up, and has knocked Wendy off balance.

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It’s like a Time Warp in gossip lately because there’s a lot of talk about Paris Hilton since she dumped her boyfriend and kept the $2 million dollar ring he gave her that she paid for.

Paris posted a photo to Instagram of her days running with the wild kids like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan and cramming their drunk asses into a tiny sports car. And she captioned the photos like this:

“11 years anniversary today since the first coming of The Holy Trinity!”

Oh Paris, you added too many letters ... it’s the “Ho” Trinity. But, not stopping there, Paris is now claiming, more than a decade later, that Lohan spotted her and Britney out that night and inserted herself into their little duo:

“We were all at the Beverly Hills Hotel at the bungalows during an after-party and then Britney and I wanted to leave to go home. Then [Lindsay] started, like, chasing us and then squeezed in the car. And it was literally a two-seater SLR — you know, the sports car. She just, like, squeezed in and I didn’t want to humiliate her in front of all the paparazzi and be like ‘Get out of my car,’ so I was like, ‘Whatever.’”

Yeah, it really looks like that Paris. Why don’t you hit yourself on the head and wake up and realize it’s 2018 now and the idea of you and BritBrit and Lohan is actually nothing.

You’re over, Paris, no matter how hard you try.

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Oops. Is singer Dionne Warwick headed to jail?

It looks like it since Warwick ALLEGEDLY owes the IRS millions in coins after filing for Chapter 7 bankruptcy in 2013. She claims she cannot pay her tax bill because she’s got just $25,500 in assets to her name, but she owes a hair under $11,000,000, including some six-million to Uncle Sam.

How does one have 25K to their name and yet let their debts get to Eleven-effing-million-dollars?

Anyway, the case has dragged on for years because Dionne is suing the government to have her tax bill from 1990 through 2008 discharged; yes, she wants all of her tax debt for nearly two decades erased!

Good luck with that Dionne. Oh, and visiting days at San Quentin are Wednesdays and Fridays, you know, in case you need the info.

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