The Funny Papers

Michael de Adder, Jack Ohman, Jim Morin, Drew Sheneman, Clay Bennett, Adam Zyglis, George Danby, Mike Luckovich, Nick Anderson, Jack Ohman, Darrin Bell, Michael de Adder

Bobservations

This week we had a bout of car trouble; nothing serious, just annoying. And the diagnosis was that the starter had “locked up”. It was a $45 fix, but our mechanic said it may be a sign that we need a new starter if it happens again and that would be about $300.

At home, Carlos says he doesn’t want to spend the three-hundred on the car and then said:

“Maybe we should just buy a new car?”

Yes, the idea of spending $300 to fix a car is abhorrent, but the idea of spends tens of thousands on a new car is fine?

I reached for my cartoon frying pan …

Well, well, well … it appears that right after Justice Anthony Kennedy told _____ he was retiring from the bench, _____ had just one candidate in mind: Brett Kavanaugh, Kennedy’s former law clerk.

Rumor has it that Kennedy had been in negotiations with the _____ team for months over his replacement and once Kennedy received assurances that it would be Kavanaugh, he announced his retirement.

Again, nothing shady going on …

After announcing she would do a TV interview this week to explain everything to her fans, Roseanne Barr has decided against it and says … wait for it, it’s totally insane and completely Roseanne… that she will interview herself:

“After a lot of thought, I decided that I won’t be doing any TV interviews, too stressful & untrustworthy 4 me & my fans. I’m going to film it myself & post it on my youtube [sic] channel in the next week-the entire explanation of what happened & why! I love you all-sign up & get ready.”

I see it going like this:

“Are you a racist, Roseanne?”

“No, Roseanne, I’m not.”

But she is crazy.

A California Deputy District Attorney Michael Selyem is under fire for a sickening, vulgar, racist Facebook comment suggesting someone should shoot _____ critic, Maxine Waters:

“Being a loud-mouthed c#nt in the ghetto you would think someone would have shot this bitch by now.”

And yet the GOP thinks the liberals aren’t being civil?

Those now _____ tariffs on Chinese goods won’t touch First Daughter Grifter, Ivanka _____’s, foreign-made products for her fashion line. And while her Fat Bastard Daddy rails at Harley-Davidson for moving some production to Europe to dodge European Union tariffs, please keep in mind that Ivanka’s companies have never manufactured a single one of her products on American soil.

But, go ahead, tell us how you’re making America Great Again.

Oh, and explain this ... nearly all the $706,000 in donations made by the _____ Foundation in Palm Beach County since 2008 went to charities that went on to host lavish fundraisers … at Mar-a-Lago.

Sounds like the Grifter Klan at their finest.

Remember #PoolPaul, the guy who became unnerved because a black woman was using the community pool and demanded she prove she had a right to be there? His name is Adam Bloom and he used to work for Sonoco until the company fired him for being a racist asshat:

“We are aware of a terrible incident involving the actions of one our employees outside of the workplace. The well-documented incident, which involves activities at a neighborhood pool over the 4th of July, does not reflect the core values of our Company, and the employee involved is no longer employed by the Company in any respect. ... On behalf of our more than 20,000 teammates around the world, we extend our sincerest apologies to all who have been hurt by this incident, especially Ms. Edwards and her family.”

Bam!

Last week we talked about Tess Thompson Talley of Kentucky who bragged about shooting a rare black giraffe in Africa and this week we have another story about people killing wild animals, only this one has a happier ending.

At least three suspected poachers who were hunting for rhinos were mauled to death and eaten by lions on a game reserve in South Africa after they strayed into a pride of lions who were like, Uh, not today Satan.

Nine rhinos were killed by poachers in Eastern Cape province, and more than 7,000 have been killed in South Africa in the past decade.

Score a win for the lions.

After coming out as gay last week, Minnesota United’s Collin Martin got a standing ovation from the hometown crowd in his first on-field appearance since coming out.

Martin gave an interview in the locker after the game:

“It was crazy it was overwhelming in a good way. I feel loved and appreciated and supported. It was a special day for me. I didn’t know that [the fan reaction] was gonna be that big.”

Good on those fans for realizing his sexual orientation has nothing to do with his ability to play the game.

PS He's hot.

At today’s NATO summit in Brussels, the gathered leaders turned their head in unison to watch a military flyover but someone, guess who, got distracted by something shiny and his attention drifted elsewhere.

What was he looking at ….

The Fat Bastard is in London this week, and in honor of his ineptitude, a giant balloon dubbed "_____ baby" has been given the green light to fly near Parliament during his visit.

Strict rules are in place for the flight from Parliament Square Gardens, with the balloon being tethered to the ground and restricted from floating higher than 98 feet. It will fly between 9.30am and 11.30am tomorrow coinciding _____’s visit and a “Stop _____” march in central London.

Now there are two orange gasbags in the UK.

And along those same lines, a carnival held in Düsseldorf, German, played host to an array of eye-catching floats—like that one up there, depicting _____ being mounted by a bear wearing a Russian ushanka hat emblazoned with a red star. On the side of the bear was written Russland-Affäre, which translates to "Russia affair".

I kinda always thought _____ was a bottom.

Éric Bruneau is a French-Canadian actor I saw recently in a film called An Eye for Beauty, about a man who has an affair. Plus, he was an architect, so there was some architecture porn, too, though I’d be hard pressed to say what I liked more …the buildings or his magnificent derriere.

I kid … it was his ass. 

Ryan Zinke Wants To Pave Paradise And Put Up An Oil Rig .. Or A Strip Mine

As goosesteps along in his march to destroy this country and fill his bank account, his Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke has recommended that four large national monuments in the West be reduced in size so that hundreds of thousands of acres of land ... national park land ... historical lands ... can be opened up to mining, logging and other development.

Zinke’s recommendations revealed in yet another leaked memo—how many leaks is that now for this corrupt administration—and has prompted an outcry from environmental groups, and people with a conscience, who are promising to take the Liar-In-Thief to court to block the moves.

 Zinke’s plan would scale back two huge Utah monuments—Bears Ears, to hence be known as Bears Ear, and Grand Staircase-Escalante, to be renamed, The Stoop— along with Nevada’s Gold Butte, now dubbed Pyrite Hill, and Oregon’s Cascade-Siskiyou, call it a Travesty if you will.

Bears Ears was designated for federal protection by former President Barack Obama ... oh, now we know why _____ wants it decimated ... and is about 1.3 million acres in Utah that is sacred to Native Americans and home to tens of thousands of archaeological sites, including ancient cliff dwellings.

Grand Staircase-Escalante, also in Utah, includes nearly 1.9 million acres and was designated by another democrat, Bill Clinton; the GOP has had it in their sites since 1996.

Cascade-Siskiyou protects about 113,000 acres in an area where three mountain ranges converge, while Gold Butte protects nearly 300,000 acres of desert that feature rock art, sandstone towers and wildlife habitat for bighorn sheep and the threatened Mojave Desert tortoise.

Sadly, the only sites _____ sees as historic are his daughter’s rack and his Golden Toilet.

But Zinke isn’t done; he wants to allow logging at a newly designated monument in a Maine forest and urges more grazing, hunting and fishing at two sites in New Mexico. And he'd like to destroy the oceans; two marine monuments in the Pacific Ocean would also be reduced, while a third, off the Massachusetts coast, would be modified to allow commercial fishing.

Hey, who cares what we destroy, how much of the planet we decimate, how much history we erase, how many endangered species we kill off if someone can make some coins, right?

AP

Random Musings

I found this odd and stupid and Republican, but it appears that guns are strictly forbidden at the site of tonight’s GOP debate due to a request made by Fox news and the Republican National Committee … two NRA-loving groups who believe that people should be allowed to carry guns into stores, bars, churches, schools and movie theaters, but just not anywhere near Republicans or Fox News.

The hypocrisy is not lost on me.

Mike Huckabee said that allowing transgender people to serve in the military will turn it into a “social club” because trans people who enlist, train, go through boot camp, and are sent overseas to areas of unrest and turmoil are only doing it so that can have a cocktail and meet someone cute.

[photo source]

Last week, possibly in light of the murder of Cecil the lion, the Empire State Building, known for its stunning light displays, lit up with a digital display if the world’s endangered species.

The display, conceived by “The Cove” filmmaker Louie Psihoyos, showed a looping reel of endangered animals over a 33-floor span of the southern face of the building, with some 160 species in all shown.

"We're set to lose half the species on the planet by the end of the century." — Louie Psihoyos

At one point an image of Cecil — seen above — was shown.

Think about that; think about how man is supposed to be the intelligent ones on the planet and yet we are killing every other living thing, including ourselves.

Not so smart after all.

And, speaking of cats ... the other morning, ready to leave for work, I walked into the bedroom to make the bed and saw that.

I backed out slowly … and made the bed when I got home from work that night.

It’s not that the cats rule our house it’s just that meow meow meow meow rule. Uh oh.

Sidenote: my dear friend Laura saw this picture when I posted it to Facebook and saw that piece of pillow sticking out from the pillow case and asked if it was some kind of corncob-shaped sex toy or something.

It isn't; we don't leave those out on the bed for the cats ... not any more.

I am so tired of the way newspeople exaggerate on TV, like the other morning on Good Morning America when George Stephanopoulos talked about the massive … massive, his word … outbreak of Legionnaires' disease in New York City.

Eighty-six reported cases, and eight people dead, in a city of 8,491,079 people.

Massive, George? I think not. You’re supposed to be a trusted journalist, use your words … choose your words … carefully.

In hottie TV news former Glee and Hedwig and the Angry Inch star, Darren Criss will be joining the cast of American Horror Story: Hotel next season.

It’s getting hot up in there.

[1, 2, 3]

Mike Huckabee wants to be president and seems to think a lot of people want him to be president. But then, please to explain how almost all the money raised by the super PAC supporting his campaign has come from one donor, Huckabee's apparent 'sugar daddy' Ronald Cameron, CEO of the agribusiness behemoth Mountaire. Cameron has given $3 million to the Huckabee super PAC which has raised just $3,604,855.94.

So, is it just one guy who really wants Crazy in the White House?

[photo source]

But first an explanation …

A man attended a Scott Walker rally carrying a handmade ‘Scott Walker for President’ sign and so naturally Scott walker took a photo with the man, who, just before the snap, turned his sign around to reveal his true message: a check written by the Koch Brothers to buy the White House for Scott Walker.

Don’t be fooled by the likes of Walker and the Koch’s.