Bobservations

I don’t really have a Carlos story, though he is still planning a vacation for us at the end of January, in time for my birthday and to take the onus off Fuckuary, my least favorite month.

I have been trying to get details from him and he’s very good at secret keeping. I don’t know if we’re flying, boating, trainspotting, hiking or driving, going South or North or East or West, or what clothes to pack and for what occasions.

I’m starting to wonder if he’s gonna hire a driver and drop me off somewhere, in the middle of nowhere, and make me fight my way home.

Pray I make it …

This Tuxedo Says is from June 2020:

It’s hard remembering which day of the week it is, or even, sometimes, which month. Tuxedo feels your pain …

The Felon is claiming that all his plans, including his tax cuts for the richest Americans will be paid for by the tariffs.

Yes, he’s that stupid if he thinks we believe this, and MAGAts are even stupider because they are buying it.

Earlier this week I once again declared my lust for Stanley Tucci and bald men, but I need to make it clear: it’s not all bald men, especially ones who look like a lump of unmolded clay or a giant eraser head:

I didn’t have the time to do a fashion roundup for the Golden Globes so I will just give you my Best Look and my Worst Look:

My BFF Nikki Kidman rocking a 60’s hairdo and a sexy backless number wins hands down while Kerry Washington looks like she stole a cheap pink sheet from the No-Tell  Motel on Hollywood Blvd. and is doing the Walk of Shame is my Worst Dressed.

PS Kerry’s hair; oh, honey, no … no.

While Vice President Kamala Harris was swearing in the recently elected senators for their new terms, she greeted new Senator Ruben Gallego, his wife who was carrying their young daughter, and his son. Harris asked Gallego’s about how their day was going and the boy replied:

“I’m sorry you didn’t win.”

Harris hugged him and said:

“Oh, you know what, sweetheart? But you know what? Do you worry about it because there’s still so much work to do. We’re not defeated.You know what that word defeated means?”

Just think, we could have more of that instead of a race baiting traitor.

Nancy Mace’s hopes of banning transgender women from sharing a bathroom with her on Capitol Hill appear dashed for now after her proposed controversial bathroom ban was not included in the GOP’s House rules package unveiled this week—a surprise omission less than two months after Speaker Mike Johnson reportedly assured Mace it would be included.

Be gone, Nancy Mace, before someone drops a house on you.

Aaron Pierre is an English actor who trained at the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Art and has appeared in the period drama miniseries The Underground Railroad, Old and Mufasa but who cares about that: Would You Hit It? 

Bald or Not: Stanley Tucci Edition

It’s never been a secret of my love, lust, for actor Stanley Tucci, AKA The Tooch. I have always found him attractive and smart and funny and sexy AF, and especially find him a Seriously Hot Bald Man … so imagine my surprise when the internet collectively swooned when Stanley Tucci  shared a picture of himself from more than four decades back when he was a young, luscious-haired hottie:

“Really wish I could convey to young people just how awesome it was to be a kid in the 80s and 90s, before cellphones and internet and social media exploded. This was taken 42 years ago.”

But few people cared about his observations on technology’s impact on culture because they were too busy looking at his hair:

“So handsome, Mr. Tucci!”

“Thank you for this very important reminder that you have always been insanely hot.”

“He really said ‘if you think i’m hot now, let me show you how i looked when i was younger.’”

“oh look at me I’m stanley tucci I’ve been hot for 42 years.”

“Every version of Stanley Tucci is HAWT!”

“Jesus. Thought you were Freddie [Mercury] for a sec mate.”

“You never told us you were the lead singer of Queen, Stanley.”

So, comparisons to Freddie aside, which Tucci would you hit … bald or fully maned?

I know what I’d do …

Bobservations

When Carlos was born one of his aunts gave Baby Carlos a ring, and he’s held onto it lo these many years and now he wants to know what it’s worth.

So we took it to a local jeweler who couldn’t tell us the kind of metal … maybe 14k gold … because in Mexico they don’t mark the metals. But he did tell us that the diamond in the ring is about 1/3 of a carat and worth a little more than $3,000 which was a surprise to him. On the way home Carlos said he might take the ring and make it into a nice cock ring and I said:

“Well, at least you won’t have to have it resized.”

His howler monkey screech stopped traffic.

PS This is the ring next to an actual nickel.

This Tuxedo Memory is from April 2020:

"Under lockdown, I grow bored, so I have been making a series of ‘Tuxedo Says’ posts for Facebook. He is gathering quite the following and so I thought I’d share some here."

That’s my boy.

On last week’s Graham Norton show, Demi Moore talked about her little dog, Pilaf, and how she takes him everywhere and he gets all the attention.

So much so that Dogue magazine—like Vogue but Dogue—asked to have Pilaf on the cover and here he is:

Gizmodo—a tech website—submitted a Freedom of Information Act [FOIA] request with the FTC for consumer complaints filed about The Felon’s Truth Social. People say they were signed up for mailing lists they never wanted to be on, but it’s the complaints about scams that are the most shocking, given the large sums of money involved.

One person says they lost $170,000 after initially being scammed on a different site and then meeting someone on Truth Social who claimed they could help get their money back. That turned out to be a scam as well. But more often, the victims are first contacted on Truth Social before being told to take the conversation somewhere else, like WhatsApp. Truth Social seems to be a target-rich environment for people who are easy to con.

Wait, y’all, you went on a site owned by a convicted felon and are now complaining you got scammed? Oh for the love of the Baby Cheeses, think, people, think!

Drew Stever, a transgender minister in the Evangelical Lutheran Church in California, is one of the few out transgender clergy members to be ordained by a Christian institution. Now a pastor at Hope Lutheran in Hollywood, Stever was recently featured on CBS Mornings' The State of Spirituality with Lisa Ling, using the opportunity to reflect on his journey:

"I grew up female and in the female context, and I just never felt like that worked for me. There were definitely times where [I thought], 'If I can't exist in one way, I don't want to exist at all. I would just be better off not alive.' [But] there was a moment where I woke up in the morning, and the words that came to my mind were, 'You don't have to be angry anymore.' It was almost like God just took a snowball and threw it at my face."

Always feeling a calling towards spiritual teachings, Stever attended seminary school, and ended up coming to terms with his identity during his time there. As he describes it, he went into seminary as a woman but came out "not a woman." And so to those who don't believe trans people have a place in Christianity, or that scripture denies the existence of trans people, Stever's response is:

"It's hard to relate [that] to modern day times, because it wasn't written for 2024. It was written for then. When we read in scripture that God created man and woman—yes, and God created everyone else as well."

To LGBTQ+ people who feel they've been rejected by the church, Stever would like to apologize:

"My first response is, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that the church missed you. I would say specifically to folks of color, to people living with disabilities, to LGBTQ people—you are good. Nothing is wrong with you. You are good and you don't need the church to tell you that."

It’s like I always say, God is love, and if you don’t believe in God, then maybe just Love is love.

Speaking of Good Christians, Dolly Parton partnered with several Sevier County attractions and Walmart to make a significant donation to Hurricane Helene flood relief.

Parton announced she was making a $1 million donation to the Mountain Ways Foundation, a nonprofit dedicated to providing immediate assistance to Hurricane Helene flood victims. And, on top of that, Parton’s East Tennessee businesses, Dollywood Parks & Resorts, Dolly Parton’s Stampede, and Pirates Voyage Dinner & Show, and the Dollywood Foundation, matched her donation, bringing the total contributions made to Mountain Ways $2 million.

Of note, I have yet to hear of one of those megachurch pastors donating to victims of Helene … Osteen? Osteen? Anyone? So, if you choose to call yourself a Christian, be a Dolly Christian and not a Joel Christian.

I do not know what it is about bald men but I do find a great many of them to be scorchingly hot.

And now, speaking of Hurricane Helene, this past week 35 Republicans voted against FEMA funding and eight are up for reelection:

John Barrasso, Wisconsin.

Marsha Blackburn, Tennessee.

Kevin Cramer, North Dakota.

Ted Cruz, Texas.

Deb Fischer, Nebraska.

Josh Hawley, Missouri.

Rick Scott, Florida.

Roger Wicker, Mississippi.

VOTE.THEM.OUT.

Martiño Rivas López, AKA Martiño Rivas, AKA Martin Rivas, is a 39-year-old Spanish actor; so, Would You Hit It, and if so, under which name?

They Say He's The World's Hottest Bald Man ... I Disagree

The UK’s highly-esteemed literary journal tabloid newspaper, The Sun, has decided who the sexiest bald man in the world is, and, well, missed it. They claim their 100% completely accurate and factual and scientific decision was helped by the good folks at “cosmetic surgery specialists Longevita” who have said the Sexiest Bald Man in the World is … Prince William.

Prince William? Prince William? According to the “researchers” at Longevita, they put their list together by looking at how many times a bald famous man has been described as “sexy,” “hot,” or “attractive” in blogs and pages found in Google searches, and have decreed that Harry’s older brother has been described as “sexy” or “hot” or “attractive” at least 17.6 million times. 

I wonder how many times Kate went online …anyway, here is Longevita’s “list” of the sexiest bald men in the world:

Prince William – 17.6 million

Mike Tyson – 8.8 million

Jason Statham – 7.4 million

Pitbull – 5.4 million

Michael Jordan – 5.3 million

Floyd Mayweather – 4.3 million

John Travolta – 3.8 million

Bruce Willis – 3.3 million

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – 2.6 million

Vin Diesel – 2.3 million

First off, William isn’t technically bald, he’s balding, but lets skip right over that and get to …Mike Tyson? Pitbull? Travolta? Dwayne Johnson? Who in the world would ever describe these men as hot or sexy and bald. I mean, Dwayne Johnson looks like an eraser. Vin Diesel? Bruce Willis?

No, honey, not on my watch. I love a good hot bald man and not one of these, least of all Prince Bill, is what I’d call hot … though Jason Statham does come closest, and even he is actually balding.

So. Let’s make this about me, and who I think are the sexiest bald men in the world, in no particular order. Oh, who am I kidding, The Tooch comes in at #!::

Stanley Tucci

Mark Strong 

Morris Chestnut 

Sir Patrick Stewart

Taye Diggs

Jason Statham

Boris Kodjoe

Common

Corey Stoll

Samuel L. Jackson

Kelly Slater

Tyson Beckford

Billy Zane

Christopher Meloni

Luke Goss

Bill doesn’t even make the cut on my list!

What do you think? Do you find follicly-challenged men attractive? And, if so, who? 

Bugged

Comb-overs bug me.
I saw a man in a restaurant the other day who had taken his hair from just above one ear and combed it all the way over to the other ear. Does no one say to this man, You're bald! Step away from the comb! I mean, this man has to shower, right? And he gets out of the shower and the hair on one side of his head falls down to his shoulder, and he thinks nothing of it?
You're BALD!

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People who are on their cell phones constantly....or texting. I'm a bit old school in this regard. I have a cell phone that stays in my car and is used only in case of emergency. If you need to talk to me, call my house. If I don't answer, leave a message. If I don't call back, well, maybe you aren't so special to me anymore.
And what about the texting every two seconds? Where you write to your friends to tell them about the minutiae of your day?
I'm just getting to work. Send.I'm in the building. Send.I'm at my desk. Send.
I have a turkey sandwich for lunch. Send.
I have no life so I text all day. Send.

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People who tell me that they aren't judging me for being gay, and then tell me I'm probably going to hell. Uh, that's a judgement! I usually tell them that if it's the homo's going to hell, you know it'll be one fabulous party.

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Gas prices that go up, or down, on a day-to-day basis. I drive by the same station to and from work every day. One day gas was $1.52 a gallon; then a few hours later it had fallen to $1.48. But isn't the gas that was delivered to the station a day or so prior still in the underground tank? So, why is it cheaper? More importantly, why is it suddenly more expensive? I mean, the station has paid one price for the gas they receive, and yet it goes up and down and up. No sense.
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I heard a politician from New York--I didn't get his name because I was eating my Shredded Wheat in the kitchen and the TV is in the other room--talking about Caroline Kennedy seeking to fill Hillary Clinton's Senate seat. Now, I'm not some well-educated politician from up there in New York, but I do know that Caroline Kennedy went to Harvard, got a law degree from Columbia, and has done all sorts of work regarding education and literacy in her home state. But this nimrod politician said all he knows of Caroline Kennedy is that she has "name recognition just like JLo."
JLo?
Caroline Kennedy.
JLo.
Pffffffft. Politicians. And they wonder while they're the butt of so many jokes.
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Tom Cruise and his Apology Tour.
His royal Shortness is making the rounds to clear up the confusion about his insane ranting against Matt Lauer; he sort of apologizes for the things he said; he says he was misunderstood--like he doesn't know about the Internet and YouTube, which replays his crazy 24/7?
Tom? You're career is just about over. Seriously. Put Katie to work and start pimping out your little girl, and maybe, one day, we'll remember for being more than an Underwear-wearing-couch-jumping-proselytizing-homophobe-with-a-modicum-of-talent.