Why Is It ...

… that I would like to give up sarcasm, but that would leave interpretative dance as my only means of communication.

… that the older I get the easier it becomes for me to look at a situation and say, “Yeah, I’m out.”

… that after several consultations my dermatologist can provide no treatment for the people getting under my skin.

… that people don’t believe it when I say I just got my Dissociates Degree.

… that so many people take the internet and social media so seriously … most of their “likes” come from  people at home sitting on their toilets.

… that people forget silence is my favorite conversation.

… that people always told me to just be myself and then I did and now everyone’s scared and I need a lawyer.

… that you need to remember I am not bored, I’m just tired of everything.

… that, like most people, I have to work extra hard because the baby is expensive. Oh, and I am the baby.

… that people forget the one thing I am really good at is pretending you never existed.

Why Is It ...

… that no one is surprised that I am stepping down from my position as an adult. It turns out that it wasn’t for me, but I appreciate the opportunity.

… that people don’t realize that I’m a nice person until they hit the Bitch Button.

… that when someone asks if I ever think before I post something nasty, I always say, ‘Yeah, and I even laugh and kick my feet a little.’

… that I sometimes feel as if my life is being written by someone who isn’t sure they like me.

… that when someone asks me if I’m an early bird or a night owl I tell them I’m more of a tired afternoon duck.

… that while friends bring you happiness, best friends bring you tequila.

… that I sometimes think I might be the only person that pauses the music to see if the siren is in the song or behind me.

… that no one appreciates it when I give away free samples of my attitude.

… that nearly every morning I wish for someone to go into work for me; just walk in and act like me, no one will notice.

… that my friends keep forgetting that if we are in a non-laughing situation, they should not be looking at me.

Why Is It ...

… that sometimes I feel like giving up even though I know I have a lot of people to prove wrong.

… that I’m still tired from yesterday’s tired and today isn’t looking so good and I’ve already used up tomorrow’s tired.

… that every day I try to decide if I should be an example or a warning to others.

… that people should stop asking me for moral support when they all know I have questionable morals.

… that I am always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.

… that I’m pretty sure I only need one more bad decision and then I’ll have the whole set. 

… that people are afraid to share my posts because they think the SWAT team will come knocking on their door. I mean, the SWAT team doesn’t knock.

… that, while I don’t know if I could ever ‘complete’ someone, driving them batshit crazy sounds doable.

… that if anyone uses the F-word twice in a single sentence I feel like I have found My People.

… that it took me this long to get my Senior GPS. I mean, not only does it tell me how to get to my destination, it tells me why I wanted to go there in the first place.