Tuesday Thought #3

The Funny Papers

Darrin Bell, Steve Benson, Adam Zyglis, Drew Sheneman, Mike Luckovich, Dave Whamond, Clay Bennett, Nate Beeler, Steve Sack, Rick McKee, Steve Greenberg

Bobservations

So, the other night, I announced I was going to sleep, but told Carlos I was first going to ‘check my fans,’ Carlos calls the people who read and comment on this bloggy thing my ‘fans;’ while, since he doesn’t blog, he says he’s checking his ‘acquaintances’ on Facebook.

But this isn’t about that. This is about, as I am off to check my fans, he says he needs to use to computer after 10:45PM to complete a money transfer for Tia Gloria/Her Social Security checks are direct deposited into an American band and once a month Carlos transfers funds to hear. But, since there is a limit on the number of coins you can transfer at one time, and you can only transfer once in a 24-hour period, he needs to finish the transfer he’d started the night before at 10:45.

“Oh. Then I guess I have to be off the computer in 25 minutes?”

“No. I’m just saying, leave it on and I’ll do a transfer after you’re done.”

“Well, I don’t wanna inconvenience anyone, so I’ll be done before 10;45.”

“You’re not incon—”

“I don’t want to bother anyone.”

“You’re not bother—”

“I don’t want to intrude …”

“You’re not intruding—”

“I don’t want to impose …infringe … overstep …”

“You’re not—”

“I don’t wanna rock to boat.”

‘WHAT BOAT?”

I knew I’d get him. Boat.

Audrey Pence, the daughter of anti-LGBTQ and perhaps self-loathing homosexual Michael Elizabeth Pence, recently announced her engagement to Daniel Tomanelli on Instagram, with photos taken at Race Point Beach in the Massachusetts resort town of Provincetown …the gayest town in America.

Audrey has made her political views known and has called herself socially liberal and politically independent, though as far as the Pence kids go, Audrey may not be the only one who has rejected their father’s arch-conservative homophobia.

When John Oliver published his parody Marlon Bundo book, Charlotte Pence, who authored the original book about the Pence family bunny, said …

“His book is contributing to charities that I think we can all get behind… I’m all for it.”

And I’m sure Mother and Michael Elizabeth Pence weren’t thrilled about that, or Audrey saying ‘Yes’ in P-town … though I heard their first choice was The Castro?.

Jussie Smollett. It’s looking more and more like he faked his attack; he was arrested this morning for filing a false police claim about being attacked. Lotsa folks are doing the ‘I told you so’ dance at people like, well, me, because I believed him, but here’s the deal …

I will always believe a victim until I learn otherwise. The day I instantly decide that a person who says they are a victim of domestic violence, a hate crime, a rape, whatever, is a liar, is the day I am less human, and less humane.

That said, Jussie needs to apologize, explain, and go away, because when we have states in this country who don’t believe sexual orientation should be included in Hate Crime legislation, what Jussie did was feed that homophobia, and make it harder for LGBTQ folks to get the protection we need from people who hate us.

Thanks for nothing, Jussie.

Better news … Don Cheadle, one of my favorite actors and now one of my favorite people, hosted SNL last weekend and introduced the musical guest wearing that t-shirt:

“Protect Trans Kids”.

Cheadle’s career has been intertwined with LGBTQ issues for years, from playing the father of a gay, gender fluid son on House of Lies, and appearing in Logic’s 2017 clip “1-800-273-8255” which followed a gay teen as he inched toward taking his own life after he’s been outed having a relationship with a boy and subsequently rejected by his father and his boyfriend’s father.

Thanks Don. It wasn’t a huge gesture, but it spoke volumes.

Out on the West Coast, Contra Costa County Libraries,  set up an event called Drag Queen Story Hour, where drag queens would read to kids from books that display diversity and different gender identities.

Well, as happens, wingnuts got their panties in a snit, and set about protesting the event, calling it ‘inappropriate’ for children.

And, as happens, when the event began over 500 people showed up. Oh, not to protest, that was a much, much smaller group, but to attend the event … with their children.

Times do change.

Everyone from liberal media to conservative asshats like Lindsey Graham have questions _____’s sanity, though only Miss Lindsey has changed her mind and become ______’s lap dog, but nowhere was it more evident that the president is a narcissistic child than last weekend after SNL skewered him again.

And he TweetRanted:

“Nothing funny about tired Saturday Night Live on Fake News NBC! Question is, how do the Networks get away with these total Republican hit jobs without retribution? Likewise for many other shows? Very unfair and should be looked into. This is the real Collusion!”

Oh honey, it’s TV. If you think that’s collusion, then it’s clear you know nothing about the Mueller investigation.

GOP lawmakers in Wisconsin have forced the removal of quarterback Colin Kaepernick’s name from a state resolution marking Black History Month because they think  he’s too controversial … for kneeling protest of black men, women and children killed by police officers around the country.

I wonder if they’d have done the same for MLK or Rosa Parks?

Democratic Congressman David Crowley, who wrote the resolution, said the incident was “a textbook example of white privilege” and a “slap in the face” and said:

“Many of these people that you don’t agree with will still be in the history books that your children and grandchildren will be reading.”

Luckily, most of these GOP asshats and bigots will soon be forgotten.

In November 2016,  I blogged about Pamela Ramsey Taylor ... see post HERE ... who made a racist Facebook post about then-U.S. first lady Michelle Obama after _____’s election:

“It will be so refreshing to have a classy, beautiful, dignified First Lady back in the White House. I’m tired of seeing a [sic] Ape in heels.”

Well, Racist Pamela was fired from her job at a county development agency in West Virginia for being a racist tool, and that was good; this is better:

Pamela Ramsey Taylor just confessed to taking more than $18,000 in flood relief benefits after falsely registering for FEMA benefits after the June 2016. Taylor claimed that her primary residence had been damaged in the flood and that she was staying in a rental property, but it was proven that her primary residence was undamaged, and she was still living there.

In her plea agreement, Taylor agreed to pay restitution of $18,149.04, though she also faces up to 30 years in prison and a fine of up to $500,000 when she is sentenced on May 30.

Racist and a thief. Wonder where she learned that :::::cough _____ cough:::::

We recently watched the Battle of the Sexes, the true story of that epic tennis match between Bobby Riggs and Billie Jean King back in the 1970s. The story also focused on King coming to accept the fact the she was a lesbian, and featured a storyline about Margaret Court, an Australian tennis player known more today for being an unrepentant homophobe.

Good film, but you know this isn’t about that it’s about a trio of Hot Men from the film, like …

Austin Stowell, top … I’m guessing, and featured here before, who played Billie Jean’s unsuspecting husband, Larry.

James Mackay, bottom right, who played Barry Court, husband of Margaret.

And Lewis Pullman, bottom left, who played Larry Riggs, son of Bobby.

Two interesting footnotes: Lewis is the son of actor Bill Pullman, who also played a role in the film, and, kudos to the real Larry King, who divorced Billie Jean when she came out. Larry King remarried and when he and his second wife had children, they named Billie Jean King as the godparent.

Love that … and the hot guys.

Random Musings

Last Sunday, I was in the kitchen getting ready to make some soup when Carlos, who had been on the computer for a while, sauntered in and asked this question:

“Who is this Tom Brady and why is everyone talking about him?”

Bless his heart. Later on, as he practiced his trumpet, I was channel-surfing—well, waiting for Gaga to come on—so I had the TV tuned to the Super Bowl. Carlos again entered the room, squinted at the screen and when I asked what he was doing he said:

“I just want to see what’s happening so tomorrow at work if anyone asks I can say I watched the game.”

I replied:

“Oh honey. No one at your office is gonna believe you watched football!”

Bless his heart.

Neo-Nazi, white supremacist, racist alt-right leader Richard “May I call you ‘Dick” Spencer, who made headlines last November when his speech to white supremacist _____ supporters ended with Nazi salutes and Heil _____, is back and as racist as ever  ... over a football game.

Dick Spencer Tweeted:

“I was born in Boston, Mass. I'm proud of the NFL's Whitest team! #superbowl”

“Rooting for the Pats!1/ Belichick & Brady support Trump2/ Three White widereceivers3/ Consistently NFL's whitest team4/ ATL is dreadful”

Earlier in the game, when the Patriots were down by twenty points, he replied to this Tweet from a man named Chase Mitchell:

“@RichardBSpencer how does it feel to be losing to America's blackest gayest city you nazi piece of f**king garbage”

... with this ...

“Your tweet aged like a fine wine.”

Then this ...

“Happy birthday Trayvon Martin! #Patriots #SuperBowl”

Then this ...

“And to think #kek allowed the #Patriots to win in Black History Month! #Superbowl”

Then this...

“For the White race, it's never over. #SuperBowl”

And finally this ...

“Will Atlanta riot after #superbowl loss? And more importantly how can they tell?”

Again, may I call you Dick ... because you are a dick. A racist Nazi-saluting, goose-stepping, _____-supporting, Hitler loving, race-baiting, piece of excrement, dick.

I post this because this racist openly supports _____, and _____ has never once condemned the filth that spews forth from Dick Spencer's mouth.

Remember that. Resist.

I was a huge Downton Abbey fan and distraught when Matthew Crawley was killed because actor Dan Stevens, above, wanted to do other things. I missed his sweet smile and his baby blues every Sunday night. But now Stevens is back playing a maybe-crazy-maybe-not man on FX’s Legion, so I am getting my fix.

And then, whilst watching The Real O’Neal’s I noticed that Little Gay Kenny’s new boyfriend is awfully cute. He’s a high school student and I was feeling a little like a pervert thinking this high school boy was cute, but then I learned that the actor, Sean Grandillo, above, is 24 ... so I feel less like a pervert and more like a lech.

And there is a difference.

This is what a White House Press Secretary does ... Spicer demanded an apology from The New York Times for publishing an article about President _____ and saying that Hair Furor wears a bathrobe.

“That report was so riddled with inaccuracies and lies that they owe the president an apology.  ... I don’t think the president owns a bathrobe; he definitely doesn’t wear one.”

Yup, let’s talk _____ in a bathrobe. It's ugly, right?

And speaking of _____ and Spicer, what did they think of Melissa McCarthy’s brilliant portrayal of Spicer on SNL? Well, Spicer said he thought the impersonation was “cute” but Hair Furor, though he didn’t Tweet about it, was less than amused.

A "top _____ donor” says McCarthy’s performance did the one thing that no one has been able to do: shut _____ up. The source says McCarthy’s Spicer “rattled” Hair Furor and he thought that having a woman play Spicer made his team look weak.

I hope SNL runs with this and turns all of _____’s men into women and all his women into men. High-larious.

Ouch. Hair Furor’s SCOTUS nominee Neil Gorsuch met with Democratic Senator Richard Blumenthal this week and told him that _____’s Tweets about “so-called’ judges were “demoralizing” and “disheartening”:

“He said very specifically that they were demoralizing and disheartening and he characterized them very specifically that way. I said they were more than disheartening and I said to him that he has an obligation to make his views clear to the American people, so they understand how abhorrent or unacceptable President _____’s attacks on the judiciary are.”— Richard Blumenthal

And before _____ could spin this whole story into a lie, Ron Bonjean, communications leader for Gorsuch during the confirmation process, admitted that Gorsuch had said it.

Poor _____, even his own appointee is rattling his cage.

This week, as Senator Elizabeth Warren read a letter from Coretta Scott King about racist Attorney General nominee Jess Sessions, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell stopped her from speaking, saying she had violated Senate rule No. 19, which says senators cannot “directly or indirectly, by any form of words impute to another Senator or to other Senators any conduct or motive unworthy or unbecoming a Senator.”

So, let me get this queer: the GOP leadership in Congress silenced a woman for reading a letter from another woman because of some archaic rule about denigrating a fellow member of Congress--in this case racist asshat Jeff Sessions--yet another member of Congress, yet Orrin Hatch can call Democrats idiots and Ted Cruz can call them liars and that's just fine?
And then these MEN, who silenced a WOMAN, allow other men to read that very same letter? Is that because they’re as afraid of Warren as they are of Hillary Clinton? or is it because the GOP doesn't care what women think?

Well then ... #Warren2020

So the Patriots won the Super Bowl and lotsa folks are feeling the upset is a little like the _____ win in November, especially given that Tom Brady—one of the dimmest bulbs in the sport ... seriously, listen to him speak. I’ve heard third graders speak more eloquently—and Patriots coach Bill Belichick are _____ supporters. But not everyone on the team is so keen on Hair Furor.

But, Devin McCourty, left, and Martellus Bennett, right, two of Tom Brady’s teammates, won’t be making the traditional ceremonial trip to the White House that most Super Bowl winning teams make every year:

“I’m not going to the White House. Basic reason for me is I don’t feel accepted in the White House. With the president having so many strong opinions and prejudices I believe certain people might feel accepted there while others won’t.”— Devin McCourty

For his part, Martellus Bennett said:

“It is what it is. People know how I feel about it. I don’t support the guy in the [White House].”

Good for them, and if they’d like to stop by my little house in Smallville and say Hello, I wouldn’t mind that at all. I mean, a couple of beefy hot guys who don't like _____? I would love it.

This week I was at the DMV and a woman and her little bowl were sitting behind me waiting for their number to be called and this is what I heard the mother say:

“Baby, this is the fourth car Mama has had to register in six months. I gotta stop wreckin’ cars. That’s my New Years Revolution.”

It must be a revolution if she’s wrecked that many cars!

Looking for a way to Resist? Here’s a simple one ... all it takes is a stamp ... or a hundred, depending on how many you mail

Do.It. Resist. Imagine the _____ White Getting millions and millions of these!

Random Musings

First, a little back story that I’ve shared before ... When we lived in Miami Carlos’ boss took his entire staff, and their loved ones, to a Marlins game. When Carlos asked if I wanted to go, I said Yes immediately; I used to go to Giants and Dodgers games at Candlestick Park as a kid with my family and I love being at a baseball game.

Carlos? He’d never seen a game before. 

So, we’re at the game, the Marlins are at back; three outs later the other team—I can’t remember who they were playing—was up and soon enough they were also out.

Carlos stands up and says, “That was a good game,” and starts to leave.

I say, “That was the first inning; there are at least eight more.”

Carlos, “But both sides played.”

Cut to this week, and we’re watching Jeopardy and there is an answer about baseball, and which player gets the win when their team bests the other.

“What is a pitcher?” I ask ... correctly.

Carlos, bless his heart, says, “Is he the one that throws the ball?

Well, someone doesn’t want anyone to know his business ... President-elect _____ has ordered all members of his transition team sign a code of ethics with a pretty significant lobbying ban, but they were also ordered to sign a non-disclosure agreement to make certain they keep all of their work confidential.

Yeah, a _____ White House is gonna be soooo transparent.

Let the impeachment begin ...

Leah Remini, actress and ex-Scientologist, has a new show on A&E about the “religion,” and she’s telling all kinds of secrets and interviewing all kinds of folks who left the cult.

On Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath, she talks about how those who break the rules in the cult, no matter how high up—well, except for the untouchable Little Tommy Cruise—the punishments are severe. One woman, who was in the cult for nearly thirty years, began asking questions and she was sent to a camp where guards stood outside her room in the barracks and guards stood outside the barracks and guards stood near the barbed wire fence surrounding the “camp.” In the camp, these cult-members who disappointed the leadership, AKA David Miscavige, Tommy's BFF, were forced to do manual labor for up to twelve or fourteen hours a day.

Imagine the outrage if, say, the Catholic Church, treated those who chose to leave their faith that way. But the Co$ is all about money and secrecy and lies, so no one knows what goes on in there.

Check out the show on A&E; it’s fascinating.

Okay Gays, and some of you Straights, put down the razors ... but don’t put ‘em down there.

Apparently, people who opt to change their, um, “carpets” for “hardwoods” or “linoleum” at least once in their lifetimes are nearly twice as likely to have had at least one STD. 

“Extreme groomers”—those who shave all their pubic hair off at least 11 times a year—are more than four times as likely to have had an infection. 

So, while you may like a smooth playing surface, apparently it comes with a risk.

So, earlier this week President-elect _____ bashed Boeing on Twitter, declaring the company’s costs “out of control,” and saying the government should cancel an order with the company for two new Air Force One jets. _____ said the costs were over $4 billion which, were that true, would have been out of control, but the costs were roughly $170 million, far less than the _____Lie mentioned.

But also odd, is that the Tweetsplosion by _____ came within an hour after the Chicago Tribune published  a column where Boeing CEO Dennis Muilenburg criticized _____’s trade rhetoric against China.

President-elect _____ also went after United Steelworkers 1999 President Chuck Jones who claims the Twitter-in-Chief-To-Be "lied his ass off" about the terms of the deal to keep Carrier manufacturing jobs in the United States.

Yup, this will be a _____ presidency where he spends all his time Tweeting about the people who are mean to him.

And with so many people worldwide not liking this orange glob of Play-Doh—emphasis on the Doh—he’ll be spending all his time Tweeting. And that might actually be a good thing because he’ll never get any real work done.

Bishop Daniel Obinim, a homophobic preacher in Ghana, says he can, um, increase the size of a man’s penis using a ‘massage ritual’.Yes, the homophobe places his hands on a man’s crotch and rubs it vigorously to make the penis grow—though oddly, once his rubbing ritual stops, the penis goes back to its original size.

He thinks it’s magic ... and he also thinks he’s not the biggest queer of ‘em all.

Here he is, at, um, work:

Chris Evans is hot ... and political ... and has a good sense of humor because he obviously doesn’t live in Dumbfuckistan.

So sorry Pat.

North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory has conceded to Attorney General Roy Cooper in the state’s gubernatorial race.

Finally, we can consider him #Flushed

I found it especially ironic that President-elect _____ had another SNL Tweetsplosion after the show aired a skit about how much he Tweets.

The man doesn’t get it.

Remember last year when greedy motherf**king asshat Martin Shkreli bought Turing Pharmaceuticals and almost immediately increased the price of Daraprim—used to treat certain types of malaria as well as toxoplasmosis, a rare and life-threatening infection—from $13.50 a tablet to $750.00 a tablet?

Well, a group students in Australia, ages 16 and 17, tried to recreate the drug molecule in their school laboratory and they succeeded, making the drug for just $2.00 a pill.

On Twitter Shkreli dismissed the student’s achievement:

“How is that showing anyone up? Almost any drug can be made at small scale for a low price."

One student, Leonard Milan, took Shkreli down by saying:

“If you follow his overpriced method using toxic chemicals in an industrial lab it’s easy, but the fact that we were able to substitute some really toxic gasses with simple school-available chemicals and do it so cheaply demonstrates the absurdity of some of his justifications for the price. “I think Martin is an attention-seeking businessman, the way he responds to every Twitter post made threatening him, bragging about how he can do whatever he wants reflects this.”

Douche.

Yes, this is a Tweet from me, but it makes me giggle every time I see so I chose it for this weeks’ win.

Sue me, I’m funny.