Saturday, August 18, 2018

It's Snarkurday!

He has a long list of, ahem, “accomplishments,” from singing, rapping, preaching, creating end-of-the-word apocalyptic fashion, but is Kanye West now headed to porn?

It seems the owner, Greg Lansky, has offered Kanye a job directing a porn video and having complete and utter artistic control—scary because, again, I’ve seen his fashion line—perhaps after hearing Kanye admit in a new song how much he’d like to bang those other K.K.’s other than the one he married:
"You got sick thoughts?
I got more of ’em,
You got a sister-in-law you would smash?
I got four of ’em.”
I can see it now, or better yet, I can’t … Kum Klan: Khloe, Kourtney, Kendall and Kylie Do Kanye.

I imagine That Woman will market this one, too.
photo 1 2 3 4 5
Oh Azealia Banks …you act as though you’re some kind of musician, but you’re all hot mess and no tunes.

Banks has been hanging out with Elon Musk]s girlfriend, Grimes,  trying to make “music” but is only causing trouble. See, Azealia claims she was left alone at Musk’s house and became bored … or delusional … or crazy … and took to Instagram to rail against Elon and Grimes for not around.

She brought up his looks; she accused him of Tweeting on acid; there was some stuff about racism, Down Syndrome, threesomes, and emerald mining in Africa during apartheid. You know, general stuff that tumbles out of Banks’ head; but it didn’t end there. Azealia decided she needed to say more about Elon and chose to say them to new gossip rag, Business Insider.

After Elon had Tweeted about taking Tesla private, saying that funding for the company was secured” a reporter from Business Insider thought maybe Azealia had the deets and messaged her and, again because crazy, delusional, nothing better to do, she replied:
“Yeah I saw him in the kitchen tucking his tail in between his legs scrounging for investors to cover his ass after that tweet. He was stressed and red in the face. He’s not cute at all in person. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop because I’m truly not that person. I didn’t hear any specifics but I could hear that he was scrambling because he in fact – didn’t have any funding secured.”
Seriously, Business Insider? Your source for scoop on Elon and Tesla is Azealia Banks? I mean, when she’s not getting thrown off airplanes, she’s getting bounced from Russell Crowe’s house, or squatting at Musk’s place, but you think she’s got some Tesla intel?
The best thing of all is that when Business Insider tried to get Elon Musk to comment on Banks’ news, he went all Mimi on JLo:
“I don’t know her.”
Love that!
Last week, Sean Young, and a 30-year-old male accomplice, got caught stealing two Apple laptops from a production company in Queens. Young claimed that she wasn’t stealing, because she thought the laptops were hers except … after the story broke, and before the cuffs were locked on her wrists, she returned the computers.

The laptops belong to School of Old Productions, which had hired Sean Young …seriously? … to direct a film titled Charlie Boy, written by Greg Kritikos. But, quicker than you can say “Action” Young was, ahem, let go from the production and apparently so were the laptops.

Luckily for Sean, the charges will be dropped as Timothy Hines and the rest of the crew decided that Sean didn’t need to be punished, with Timothy adding:
“We wish Sean the best of luck.”
Greg Kritikos was just as diplomatic shady:
“I’m glad we can finally put this behind us. I wish her all the best. Pray she gets the help she needs.”
She should’a gotten help decades ago, after she appeared on the late Joan Rivers’ talk show dressed as Catwoman because she didn’t think Michelle Pfeiffer was the right choice.

No word on whether or not she donned the catsuit for her late-night laptop break-in.
Tyrese Gibson, of the Fast and the Furious franchise, used to be hot, but lately you don’t see much about him and he says it’s because of the family drama he was involved in last year.

In 2017, Tyrese was locked in a custody battle with his ex-wife Norma Mitchell over their daughter Shayla that involved into him being investigated for ALLEGED child abuse Norma claimed he spanked Shayla so hard she “couldn’t sit” and that he would steal their daughter and move to Dubai.

And Tyrese didn’t help his case much because he began wearing sweatshirts with Shayla’s name on it, which might have been cute if he hadn’t hired a plane to fly a banner over the girl’s school that read:
He and his current wife also dressed all in black for custody hearings because Tyrese claimed it was like going to a funeral. And, ickiest of all is when Tyrese dedicated alive performance of a song to his daughter; the song? Let’s Get It On.

But now Tyrese is playing the poor card saying that because of this custody mess—and his own messiness—he cannot get work and that his income has fallen off by 75%. He only makes $51,000 a month now, y’all, and must pay $10,853 a month in child support. That leaves him with a little over $40,000 a month, or 10K a week and he cannot live on that because his own monthly expenses total $113,000 a month.

Take a seat Tyrese and talk to me when you only have cat food to eat for dinner. $40,000 a month. Time for a fundraiser!
Isn’t Paris Hilton like 50 now? I mean, she’s been around since dinosaurs roamed the Earth, right?

But, the sad thing—one of the sad things—about Paris is that she’s postponing her marriage to Chris Zylka and she wants you to know that it’s not because they’re breaking up and not at all because she bought her own engagement ring, gave it to him to give to her, and then Instagrammed the “spontaneous” proposal.

And now their November wedding has been pushed back to May because Paris wants more time to plan.

Uh huh. An “escape” plan ... for Zylka.
According to new revelations, Amber Heard and Johnny Depp’s marriage didn’t fall apart because he’s some wild-eyed addict and she’s a bisexual gold-digger but because of, well, crap.

Actual crap.

The end began when Johnny showed up 2 hours late for Amber’s 30th birthday party and then they each claim they were assaulted by the other. But it turns out it was the marital bed that was assaulted.

Johnny now claims that Amber and her friends “deliberately” soiled the sheets with someone’s face and he wasn’t having it. Amber claims the fecal sheets were an accident made by Boo, their Yorkie, but, and this is a real story, y’all, the housekeeper who cleaned the poo says it was far too big to have come from a little dog.

And now a source close to Johnny says there is “strong, photographic evidence that connected Amber to the feces” and it was left as a “prank”.

Gosh, these two kids were perfect for each other. Too bad they couldn’t have worked it out and crapped their sheets all over the world.

Seriously. These two need to sit down.

Friday, August 17, 2018


I Didn't Say It ...

Kim Kardastrophe, on her recent exchange with model Tyson Beckford which prompted accusations of homophobia after she referred to him as “sis” and suggested he was gay:

“Really, dude? Like, you’re going to body-shame me? Like, okay, okay, okay sis. … When I choose to clap back I don’t do it to people who I know are just looking for the come-up. I want to say something so badly. I’ll end you … People were sending me stuff on his page, he keeps on going and going and going, and I’m just like, ‘dude, that’s so female lame’ that’s just lame to me.  And for anyone to say that I am homophobic with the comment of saying sis? All my best friends are gay. I support the community. I love the community, they love me, that has nothing to do with this.”

Um, I’m part of that “the community” and I find you reprehensible, shallow, vain, stupid, a media whore, vapid, talentless. But hey, all my best friends are Armenian-Americans who made a name for themselves with porn tapes that their mothers sold to the highest bidder, so it’s okay if I say that, right?
Stephanie Mills, singer, blasting Sam Smith because he admitted he doesn’t like Michael Jackson’s music:

“Don’t come for MICHAEL JACKSON when you wish you have sold as many records and you wish you were the King of Pop like he was. I’m so tired of you people studying our music, and studying our artist and claiming that you don’t like our music. Go sit your 1 HIT WONDER ass down and learn how to finish a tour. When you can sell as many records as the king of Pop, Michael Jackson then maybe you can say something. So I say to you Mr. Smith have several seats and come for me if you want to.”

Um, Stephanie? He has a right to his opinion, and just because he’s a soul singer doesn’t mean he owes anything to Jackson.
Perhaps you should take a seat.
Stephen Colbert, on Omarosa Unhinged:

“Yet another close adviser to President Trump has betrayed him. The White House is basically a reboot of The Last Supper: Oops All Judases. [But] this is huge. Finally, we have proof that the guy who refused to rent to black tenants, said that a Nazi Klan rally had some ‘fine people,’ and called Africa a sh*thole—is a racist. Tear up your history books. Rewrite the history books. We didn’t know! …  The media’s been all over Omarosa’s Omaroasting of her former boss, but while they’re reporting on it, they’re also dismissing her as unreliable … Yes, she’s a liar and a backstabber with no credibility—exactly like everyone else in the Trump administration … She’s not below anyone else in the White House. She and General Kelly may have completely different pasts, but they have exactly the same future. You can never scrub off the Trump stank.”

Dogs lying down with dogs, then complaining about fleas.
Terry McAuliffe, former Virginia governor, on _____ and Nazis and last week’s white supremacy rally at the White House:

“To see these neo-Nazis and white supremacists, about a thousand walking down the streets screaming most vile things about members of the African American community about members of the Jewish faith – I’ve never seen anything like it. People used to wear hoods in this country because they this country because they wanted to disguise themselves. They don’t feel the need to do that anymore. I talked to the President that afternoon, explained him the situation, what had been going on, what these people were doing in the city of Charlottesville. When he came out and gave his statement that it was both sides’ fault, I’ve got to tell you, it was shocking to me. It wasn’t both sides. You had one side of neo-Nazis wearing Adolph Hitler T-shirts, the white supremacists screaming obscenities at the African American community walking down the streets. They came armed. There’s a time in your presidency when you need to show moral leadership and you need to stand and send a message to the world. He failed that day.”

And he continues to fail every single day.
Seth Meyers, on Omarosa and Michael Cohen and _____:

“So now we have one liar who admits she lied in the past claiming she’s telling the truth now about the liar she worked for, and a third liar who’s under investigation for lying who taped the first liar to prove he wasn’t lying said the second liar’s lying about the first liar. I’m starting to think none of this happened or they all ate pieces of paper. “

Liars all, and all pretending like they know the truth.
Shepard Smith, Fox News, on the lunacy of Rudy Giuliani:

Much of Giuliani’s attack on Brennan involved the dossier compiled by the former British spy Christopher Steele that the administration has repeatedly asserted was what began the Russia investigation. It was not. The investigation began after the former Trump policy adviser George Papadopoulos told an Australian diplomat that the Russians had dirt on his then-political opponent, Hillary Clinton. That information was passed on to intelligence officials. Giuliani calls that dossier laughable. For context, the research in the dossier includes 17 memos produced by the former spy Christopher Steele. They allege misconduct and a conspiracy between members of the Trump campaign and the Russian government during the 2016 election. Some assertions in the dossier have been confirmed. Other parts are unconfirmed. None of the dossier, to Fox News’ knowledge, has been disproven.”

Well, did anyone expect Rudy to know what he’s talking about? Or to tell the truth?
Charles Blowjournalist and op-ed columnist for The New York Times, on _____’s alleged use of the N-word and how his base would love it:

 “We would be insane if we kept questioning and saying this is a matter of opinion of whether he’s a racist or not. He is. People have cooked that into the books. I think that if you found the tape of him using the N-word, it might actually increase his support. This does nothing to them, they believe wholeheartedly in this approach, and none of these insults to people who look like me hurt them because it is not them. There is not a betrayal of their belief in him, there is not a betrayal in what they want him to do, this is what they want him to do. This is what they accepted. This is what they want.”

Sad, and scary, to say that his strongest supporters are racists and evangelicals.

Thursday, August 16, 2018


We had a bit of a scare last Friday involving the Greatest Cat in the World, Tuxedo.

See, our cats do not go outside, at least unattended. Tuxedo is allowed to walk along the railing with me by his side, or sit in my lap and take a siesta, but because of the rural nature of Casa Bob y Carlos, and the wild-ish animals who roam nearby, it’s not a good thing to let cats wander.

That said, over the course of time we’ve lived here Tuxedo has escaped a handful of times and has always been lured back inside by the promise of treats.

Last Friday, Carlos got up, let the dog out, fed the cats and made the coffee; we had breakfast and chatted and then I got up from the table …
“Where’s Tuxedo?”
“I don’t know, He was here for breakfast.”
Did he get out when you let the dog in?”
“I don’t know.”
We began the search; through the house, in all the bedrooms, the office, the laundry room, the sunroom; under couches or on tables; in closets where perhaps a door was closed on him; in the bathroom.

No Tuxedo. I head out back, treats in hand, shaking the bag…
No Tuxedo. I go into the front yard …
No Tuxedo. Now I am scared and getting annoyed because I think Carlos missed him when he ran outside and so all kinds of thoughts—of what happened to the cat and what I will do to Carlos—are racing through my head.
Back inside; no cat. I then check every single cupboard in the kitchen, the laundry room and all the bathrooms, shaking that damned bag of treats as I go …
In the master bathroom, I look into a cupboard; no cat. I turn … and there he is, sitting in the bathtub.

See, the night before we’d given all the cats a hit of Advantage because they were scratching a lot. You give Advantage at the base of their neck, so they can’t lick it off.
Tuxedo, because he is so smart, thought he’d wait until Mean Daddy—his name for Carlos—got out of the shower and then he would roll around on the bottom of the tub so see if he could rub the Advantage off.

He got yelled at for disappearing and big smooch from Nice Daddy—that’s what he calls me—for being safe.

In the car, later, driving Carlos to work, I said:
“Sorry for all those hateful things I said about you when we couldn’t find Tuxedo.”
“You didn’t say anything mean to me.”
“In my head, sweetheart in my head.”
“Oh, I expect it was especially vicious then.”
And luckily, just in my head.
Model Todd Sanfield created an underwear line a few years ago, and that’s one of the photos of the newest campaign.

Um, is it invisible, underwear, Todd?

The “Commando” Line?
This week we learned that 300 priests in Pennsylvania have molested over a thousand children. Boys and girls raped by priests and the Vatican has said
That’s all.
Up there in Vermont, Christine Hallquist has become the Democratic nominee for governor.

Not a big deal, except Hallquist is the first openly transgender nominee for governor.

The march goes on, but still …
A middle school in Achille, Oklahoma is closed on the heels of violent threats by parents … parents … on social media against Maddie, a 12-year-old transgender student who identifies as female and uses the girls’ bathroom.

Maddie had been using the staff bathroom at her old school but began using the girls’ bathroom at the new school because she didn’t know where the staff bathroom was. And, naturally, she was accused of using the bathroom to “peep” at other students.

And that’s when the threats began on a private parents’ Facebook group for the school. The parents … again parents … called Maddie “it” and “thing”, suggested that her genitalia be mutilated to make her female …
“A good sharp knife will do the job real quick”
Another illiterate, toothless, possibly cousin-f**king parent said it was “hunting season on them kind” and that there was “no bag limit.”

In Vermont trans females are running for governor, but in Oklahoma trans females are running for their lives.
Oh, lord, he doesn’t “get” time zones!

It appears that several times in the first year of his administration, _____ wanted to call Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe in the middle of the afternoon but there was awe problem: afternoon in DC is the middle of the night in Tokyo and _____ didn’t understand that.
Seriously. His team tried to cover his buffoonery by saying that, as a global businessman grifter, _____ does understand time zones, but that he can’t be bothered to add up “time differences” when he feels like calling a foreign leader.

Oh, yeah, that’s a much better explanation.
In the wake of Omarosa going unhinged, Minister of Propaganda Kellyanne Conway ran into some trouble when she couldn’t name a single West Wing staffer who is African-American.

This Week host Jonathan Karl noted that pariah Omarosa had been the most senior black person in _____’s White House and asked Kellyanne who that person might be now, and Kellyanne said:
“African American?” 
She then named HUD Secretary Ben “Brain Surgeon” Carson, but Karl quickly pointed out that Carson is not a member of the White House staff. He asked again:
“I’m asking you about the White House staff. Who — who there is in the White House staff right now?"
“We have Ja’Ron [but Conway couldn’t remember the last name of Special Assistant for Legislative Affairs Ja’Ron Smith] “He’s been very involved with Jared Kushner and President _____ on prison reform from the beginning.”
Karl asked if Smith had an office in the West Wing, to which Kellyanne lied:
“He has an office on the — in the EOP, absolutely, the Executive Office of the President, yes.”
The EOP is where non-West Wing staff work and it’s in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building next door to the White House.

Oh, Kellyanne, facts are hard, eh, girl?
In case you needed more proof that Republicans lie whenever their mouths are moving, I give you Florida Republican State House candidate Melissa Howard.

There were rumors that she didn’t earn a degree from Miami University in Ohio, so Howard flew home to prove the naysayers wrong. And then she posted a picture on social media of a partial college transcript and another picture of her holding a copy of a diploma, but …

… the degree is a fake, according to Miami University General Counsel Robin Parker, who saw the pictures. And quicker than you can say, ‘Bitch don’t lie,’ Howard removed the diploma pictures from Facebook.

Miami University says Howard attended the school, but did not earn a degree, either in 1994 as she first stated, or in 1996, which she later claimed. And the degree she’s holding so proudly in that picture is a Bachelor of Science in Marketing something Miami University does not offer, and never has.

In addition, the "diploma" contains the signatures of Robert C. Johnson, Dean. Well, Johnson was dean of the graduate school not the dean for the School of Business and therefore would not have signed Howard’s diploma.

Howard has stopped talking which means, for now, she’s also stopped lying.

UPDATE Melissa “Pants On Fire” Howard has dropped out of the race. Bye Felicia!
____ ally and confidante Roger Stone posted a photo to Instagram—which he has since deleted—showing _____ and his Flying Monkeys—Senator Devin Nunes, Rudy Giuliani, Roger Stone, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Mike Pence, and Sean Hannity—dressed in “Space Force” uniforms.

Stone posted the picture with the caption:
“I love this —proud to be in this crew—but the only lies being told are by liberal scumbags.”
Trouble was the uniforms were emblazoned with Swastikas.

Sheesh, Republicans are dumb.
Some men I’d like to see model the Todd Sanfield Commando Line?

Christopher Meyer, top left, who plays the young hottie Anton on The Affair… Sidenote: The Affair might be one of the best shows you’re not watching.

Christopher Abbott, top right, plays Mason on The Sinner, a kind of Whydunnit instead of a Whodunnit.

Will Brittain, bottom left, plays Dave, one of the good … hot …guys on Colony, while Tory Kittle, bottom left, plays another good … hot … guy on the same show.

Just sayin’ …commando.

Wednesday, August 15, 2018

Architecture Wednesday: A Simple Italian Country House

This house in Brenna, Italy, in the Province of Como, is the picture of serenity, surrounded by trees and green. It’s a modern take on an age-old country house, neither very large, not very small; it’s just right.

The interior is quite simple, with the use of wooden slats as room dividers and to define the staircase, but it’s the light that is so soothing. First, all the light in the glass pavilion on the back; that’s the room where I’d spend all my time, even in winter, given the fireplace. But the light floods the house from above, too, with the addition of skylights in nearly every room upstairs, where the soaring wooden ceilings give added charm and reinforce that idea of an old country home.

It’s now a ‘Wow’ house, but it’s certainly a ‘wow’ house.