I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Kanye West held a listening event for his upcoming album, Donda, at the Mercedes Benz Stadium in Atlanta but it wasn’t the music getting the most attention—and not just because the album is as yet unfinished—it was the food ,,, notably the all-beef kosher hotdogs for $40 and $45 for cookies and brownies.

Wait, though what about the $35 kettle corn, the $50 chicken tenders or the $65 assorted snack basket?

Seriously.

Also telling is that Kanye donated 5,000 tickets to several Atlanta-area HBCU’s including Morehouse College and Spelman College for people to attend the event, but he made all that money back by selling over-priced Kid’s Meal shiz.

And now, after the big show of nothing, Kanye is ALLEGEDLY living at the Mercedes-Benz Stadium until he finishes the album.

I hope there are lots of kosher dogs left.

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If you needed proof that the relationship ais mostly for show, publicity and social media hits, realize that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez went official on social media on JLo’s birthday, even going so far as to recreate their iconic :::coughcough:::: moments in Lopez’s “Jenny From The Block”: video where Ben felt up and literally kisses JLo’s ass before untying her bikini bottom.

Yeah, this’ll last.

PS That photo up top is from a  JLo birthday dinner and if Ben Affleck isn’t drunk off his ass he looks like he had a stroke.

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Morgan Wallen, the country singer who got booted from Saturday Night Live for being a Covidiot and then got booted from everything else for using the N-word with his redneck buddies, is still doing damage control. He recently spoken with Michael Strahan for Good Morning America about how he’s learned so much and what the N-word means to him … or whatever.

I say ‘whatever’ because he called using that word “playful” and that the drunken slur “just happened” and that his friends love the N-word, though he doesn’t use it as much as they do:

“I was around some of my friends, and we just … we say dumb stuff together… And it was–in our minds, it’s playful… that sounds ignorant, but it–that’s really where it came from… and it’s wrong.”

Fuck all the way off you racist hillbilly. That word is not playful, and only comes out in drunken chit chat when that’s how you think because, and I have said this before, I have been drunk a time or two in my life, and I have been beyond drunk a time or two as well, and I have never said that word.

Cuz it isn’t part of me.

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It looks like Scott Disick—famous for sticking his penis into Kourtney Kardastrophe and making babies—has lost his grip on reality entirely.

Apparently Disick was booked to make a personal appearance at Gaffney’s in Saratoga Springs, New York—and let’s not even ask the question, “For what?”—which is described as a “stalwart, comfy eatery with a garden patio” and serves an onion ring tower for $11, and Disick asked if the restaurant had a “spare plane” that could come and pick him up from the Hamptons, bring him in, and then fly him home.

And while Gaffney’s … big surprise … did not have a private plane, they actually tried to line one up to bring this reality show fuckmonkey to their restaurant for, and again, what, exactly?

But, Disick’s team called again to say they’d found their own ride to the spot after all, and wouldn’t need the jet, except on the day of the event, Disick’s “team,” which is probably just Scott Disick using a different voice, called Gaffney’s and asked for a helicopter to fly him in; and again, Gaffney’s tried to find one, only to be told once more that Disick & Co. had made their own arrangements.

Finally, Gaffney’s was told the chopper fell through and Disick, sadly, would not be able to make his appearance.

Again … what the fuck for?

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Erika Jayne has been playing the Victim Card™ on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills saying her husband, Tom Girardi, was dismissive of her, cheated on her, treated her shabbily.

But when you look at Erika before meeting Tom, and then follow her face and body and hair and teeth through the years, perhaps he was dismissive because he didn’t recognize her, or cheated on her because her new face, nose, cheeks, or breasts were bandaged.

This is a woman who took money from her husband to transform herself from mousy blond to platinum “singer” and finance her “music” career, along with the bling and the glam and the gowns and the private jets, but now says the whole marriage was awful.

Awfully lucrative, from the looks of it.

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It's Snarkurday!

Poor pitiful Billy Bush—who let a lunatic say vile things about women, including Bush’s own wife and daughters and all women everywhere—had hoped a recent Hollywood Reporter cover and interview, plus a GMA chat would jump-start his career ... it didn’t.

“He thought he was going to be welcomed back by the world ... and the only thing you learned ... is that Billy wants to be on TV. He felt that taking seven or eight months off, he’d slip his way back in, get some press and people would be beating down his door, and no one did.”

But those close to him—no doubt on his payroll—say Billy has already fielded a few offers, including one for a syndicated major show hitting this fall.

Um, yeah, I call bull shiz on that, because if any major show wanted Bush, he’d have jumped at the chance since, after eight months of being ‘away,’ most of the country, and the world, were like, ‘Billy who?’

Take a seat, Billy, we’ll call you when we need but don’t hold your breath.

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Gosh, when people who have a modicum of fame, but no real job, fight, it becomes news.

I’m looking at you, Brandi Glanville ... and your ex-husband, Eddie Cibrian and his current, though clearly not last, wife LeAnn Rimes.  These tools are still fighting and sniping, and now Brandi says that LeAnn has been stalking her and her boyfriend Donald Friese on social media because, that’s what all the kids ... and self-absorbed, unemployed grown-ups ... are doing, apparently.

And so Eddie released a statement saying LeAnn would never stalk someone on social media—though we all know she has—and then accused Brandi of being a drama-creating mess—and we all know that’s true:

“Brandi was very drunk and after already being at our table, started to come back again. Her boyfriend ‘ran interference’ and came to ask if she could take photos with the kids ... I was concerned about what pictures Brandi might post. We looked at their socials after we got home to make sure there was nothing of concern. That’s exactly how it all went down.”

Uh huh. Nice try, Eddie, but get a job, and a life, and a wife that has a job.

Then Brandi, whose ‘career’ was a short-lived stint on reality TV as a drunken mess, shot off her own statement, er, “proof” of the ALLEGED stalking ... a screen grab from Snapchat:

“[Eddie’s] statement does not explain why LeAnn and her assistant were both viewing my boyfriend’s Snapchats prior to our arrival at the restaurant. At the moment we saw them at Nobu we questioned the timing and saw they had viewed the Snapchats prior.”

Gosh, Brandi, set down the liquor and get a job. Be a parent to your children and not a child yourself.

Sheesh! All y’all grow the eff up.

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Last year, Reese Witherspoon was part of an Entertainment Weekly round-table for leading ladies and revealed that she started her own production company because she was sent an awful script for a romantic comedy and was offered the “girlfriend part”; she was told that several A-list women were chasing this terrible role and that’s when she knew she needed to start her own production company. She ended up by throwing shade at the actors in that film:

“And by the way, two Oscar winners did it.”

Rumor is that the film in question was A Million Ways to Die in the West and Charlize Theron was the Oscar winner who stooped to playing the “girlfriend.

Now, Reese has taken part in another roundtable—this time for The Hollywood Reporter—and dredged up that story again and then shaded someone else in a new blind item:

“I was talking to this very famous actor and I said, ‘How did you prepare for this role?’ He said, ‘Well, I went into the woods for three weeks and I didn’t talk to anybody.’ And this person has a lot of kids and is married. And he’s like, ‘You did the same thing for Wild, right?’ I was like, ‘Uh, no.’ If I went away for three weeks and no one could call me, everybody would’ve had a mental breakdown. I got on a plane and was shooting within 24 hours.”

People are saying this latest shade was at Leonardo DiCaprio, though Leo isn’t married or have kids. So ...maybe  Matthew McConaughey? He sounds like he’d play the method actor line as an excuse to get away from his wife and kids and play the Nude Bongos again.

But the big question is: who knew Reese could throw so much shade?

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So, to sell more music Katy Perry did what was billed as Katy Perry’s Witness Live Stream, where she live-streamed her life on YouTube for four solid days. One of the high points—low points—was when Katy rated three of her ex-lovers ... John Mayer—first place—Orlando Bloom—second place—and Diplo—dead last.

The Diplo Tryst was a one-off in between Mayer and Bloom and he had his own response to Katy via Twitter:

“I don't even remember having sex.”

Ow. So he’s her worst, and she’s the one he doesn’t remember.

Again ... ow.

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Poor Tom Cruise ... after the awful opening weekend of The Mummy many are saying he’s in a “slow motion career meltdown” and soon studios won’t even want to invest in trying to make another Cruise franchise happen because, for the first time, Tom Cruise is getting a big chunk of the blame for a film failure. 

Usually, everyone else involved with the film will fall on their swords to ‘save’ someone like Tommy, but not this time, and Variety has a deliciously dishy piece on how The Mummy’s failures are all on Tom ... like:

Cruise “had an excessive amount of control” over the reboot, set to be the start of a mega-franchise for Universal Pictures, but instead, it’s a textbook case of a spoiled movie star gone wild because Tommy exerted nearly complete creative oversight on the film ... down to the smallest details.

And Universal let it happen; they contractually guaranteed Cruise control of of the project, from script approval to post-production decisions, marketing and release strategy. And so, with terrible reviews, The Mummy, which cost as much as $190 million to make and a $100 million more to market, will struggle to make its money back.

And part of the problem is that Cruise selected Alex Kurtzman, a relatively untested director with no experience directing a big-budget action film, and then Cruise acted as though he was the director while Kurtzman “struggled to adjust to scope of the project.” Cruise also brought in two of his friends—Christopher McQuarrie and Dylan Kussman—to rewrite his part into that Standard Tom Cruise Hero Role; and people say this bulked up Tom’s part, and his ego, while diminishing the roles of others in the film. He also hired his favorite editor and then “spent time in the editing suite overseeing the cutting’ to make sure he looked good. People speculate that it was less about making a good film than it was about making Cruise look good.

And while there are some who say that Cruise was doing whatever he could to save a movie that was doomed from the start, most people on the film are saying the mess is all Tom Cruise’s fault ... because his ego is out oif control and he’s desperate to create another movie franchise so he can bank millions and still give millions to Scientology.

Poor Tom, if only he’d unwrapped L. Ron Hubbard and brought him to the premiere the film might have done better ... or, maybe he should have asked Brendan Fraser, star of the 1990s The Mummy to come along, because all of Fraser’s Mummy movies made more than this mess.

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If you ever thought that Poor Chris Brown gets a raw deal in the press for being an abusive, ego-maniacal man-boy with a bad temper, think on this:

Earlier this year, his ex-girlfriend Karrueche Tran got a temporary restraining order after Chris ALLEGEDLY threatened to kill her.

And now, Karrueche was back in court telling the judge that things got bad after she and Chris broke up. He wanted her to return several rings he gave her and when she refused, he  threatened her in a text messages, ALLEGEDLY beat her and then wrote “Imma kill blood” under a photo of her and Michael B. Jordan.

Chris didn’t show up in court, but tried to phone in until the judge denied him. Then the judge sided with Karrueche and gave her a permanent restraining order valid for the next five years.

Five.Years. No judge does that just because of a bad breakup. Chris Brown is a menace.

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I remember when Halle Berry won the Oscar for Monster’s Ball and then followed that up with Gothika. Huge comedown from Oscar winner to Awful Film Choices.

And I remember when Charlize Theron won the Oscar for Monster and then followed that up with Aeon Flux. Huge comedown from Oscar winner to Awful Film Choices.

But that’s not all Charlize and Halle have in common anymore ... at least not now that Charlize is dating Halle’s ex, and one of her Baby Daddy’s, Gabriel Aubry.

A source says Nahla, Gabriel’s daughter with Halle, and Charlize’s son Jackson go to the same private school and so they see each other in the pick-up lane after school.

And now, rather than wave hello in the carpool line, they wave goodbye after breakfast.

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Leonardo DiCaprio was forced to surrender an Oscar originally won by Marlon Brando to the U.S. government because it was given to him by an ALLEGEDLY dirty movie production company now in the feds’ crosshairs. The Department of Justice is also looking to seize the rights Dumb and Dumber Too and Daddy’s Home, as well as a trove of valuable art and movie memorabilia belonging to Red Granite Pictures.

The feds say money that was ALLEGEDLY stolen by corrupt Malaysian officials was funneled through Red Granite and used to finance films.The department filed a civil suit last year demanding all profits from DiCaprio’s 2013 film The Wolf of Wall Street claiming it was financed with laundered loot.

Red Granite gave Leo the Oscar Brando won as a thank-you for his work on the film and he has now passed it along to the government.

I wonder what will happen when the National park Service comes for his The Revenant Oscar?

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So, Scott Disick used to be married to a Kardastrophe ... I don’t know which one and, well, I don’t care ... and that. marriage ended because he was ALLEGEDLY a drunken adulterous mess. Now that he’s single, he’s given up the adultery but stayed with the drunkenness.

At some point Scott Disick and some actress called Bella Thorne hooked up and then went to the Cannes Film Festival to pose in front of photographers. And then ... as soon as it started it was over because Bella couldn’t stand Drunk Disick and said as much in an interview:

“Scott is really nice, sweet, charming. I don’t drink, and he really drinks a lot. And it just ended up … I just wasn’t down ... I love to go out and have fun, I love to fucking dance, but I just don’t party hardcore like that and it was way too much for me. I was like, ‘Woah, this is not the way I live my life, bruh.’”

I’m’a let the ‘bruh’ lie there—although it’s another on my Do Not Say List—and simply end with this:

Bella? Had you watched just one episode of that Kraptastic Kardastrophe show you’d have known what a drunk Disick could be and you never would have gotten on a plane, or, ew, in a bed with him.

Just sayin’.

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Finally, some sweet news ...

The Bat-Signal shone over Los Angeles City Hall this past Thursday night in tribute to the late Adam West—the campy TV Batman from the 60s—who passed away last week at the age of 88.

In Batman comics, movies and TV shows, the Bat-Signal was shown on the night sky as a call for Batman’s help.

Batman is often referred to as the Dark Knight, but West’s children said in a statement that Adam West aspired to positivity and always saw himself as “The Bright Knight.”

RIP Adam "Batman" West.

Bam! Pow!

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It's Snarkurday!

Last week we talked 15-year-old Rocco Ritchie and his refusal to spend Christmas with his mom, Madonna, but wanting to stay with his dad, Guy Ritchie, for a while. And he did, sharing the holidays with his dad and his dad’s family, including his step-mother, Jacqui Ainsley.

But the question is maybe why all of the sudden was Rocco over Madge. Maybe he’s just over her because he’s fifteen, or maybe, as rumor suggests, he and Madge had some kind falling out around Thanksgiving and that’s why he said ‘See ya’ to Mama and, ALLEGEDLY, “ran away in Stockholm” from Madge and her Rebel Heart Tour,

And then when the tour hit London the first week in December, Rocco took off for his dad’s house and hasn’t seen his mother since, which caused Madonna to go into hysterical mode and fire her fifteen-year-old son’s ‘manny’ — let’s not even talk about needing a manny for a teenager — and unleashed her attorneys on Rocco and Guy.

So … is this typical teenager and mom stuff? I mean, how many teenagers want to spend all their time with their moms? Rocco has been on tour with Madonna for at least the last six months, traveling the globe, and maybe he just wanted to go home. Or … as some say, maybe the rift started over Madonna’s habit of posting embarrassing photos of Rocco on social media like … that time she posted a slow-motion video of Rocco doing a back flip in his underwear and hashtagged it “#nosausage“.  Or the time cool mom Madonna posted a picture of Rocco boxing and again went hashtag crazy about her own son’s crotch.

For his part, Rocco used his now private Instagram to tell the world he wasn’t spending Christmas with Madonna, and then she retaliated by posting a Christmas Day picture of the two of them from August with the caption “Merry X-mas to the Sun-shine of my Life!”

At least she laid off his sausage. But, because it’s the holidays and because I’m feeling generous, here’s some advice for the sparring parent and child:

Lay off social media and have an actual conversation. Oh, and Madonna, howsabout laying off the creepy talk about your child’s crotch?? M’kay?

Wow. This is one Terrible Idea …

Rumor has it that ex-Kardastrophe Baby Daddy, and Celebrity Drunk, Scott Disick, in need of a sober companion, has taken to spending time with … wait for it … it's amazing … Girlfriend Beater, Chair Flipper, Vandal Chris Brown.

Sources — and you know it’s That Woman — claim the duo is joined at the hip in an effort to stay non-liquored up.

Yeah, I see this working out real well, or at least becoming a Very Special Episode of Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes.

Blame a slow holiday gossip cycle for this one because, how is this news ....

Back to the Future is real, y’all. I mean, it must be because the big news today is that 80s heartthrob Richard Marx and 90s video vixen Daisy Fuentes have gotten married.

Looks like next we’ll be buying Mom jeans and getting our hair piled higher on our heads?

It’s the second marriage for both, since Fuentes ended her first marriage to soap man Timothy Adams from Sunset Beach, and Marx divorced Cynthia Rhodes — Penny in Dirty Dancing — after twenty-five years of marriage.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I hear acid wash jeans are on sale and I need someone to trim my mullet.

Poor Russell Crowe. He thinks everyone should cater only to him.

See, it’s like this: Crowe was taking his sons on a trip aboard Virgin Australia flight just after Christmas. And Virgin Australia — like nearly every other airline and airport on the planet — has banned hoverboards because they have tendency to catch on fire.

Not good for air travel, you know. But Russell, because he’s a big star — in girth, actually, now, rather than career — expected someone from Virgin to personally call him and tell him not to bring the hoverboards. And so, naturally he Tweeted his dismay:

“Ridiculous @VirginAustralia. No Segway boards as luggage? Too late to tell us at airport. Kids and I offloaded. Goodbye Virgin. Never again.”

To which Virgin replied like this:

“@russellcrowe ...hope to see you on board again soon.”

And that sent Russell fuming in outrage:

“@VirginAustralia why did you not inform me when I booked my ticket? Where is your duty of responsibility in this?”

And then this:

“@VirginAustralia I'm awaiting your reply, where is your duty of responsibility in this? Why not tell me when I am booking my ticket?”

So then Virgin said this:

“Hi Russell, this information is outlined in the Dangerous Goods section in the booking confirmation and check in reminder emails you will have received. We have also communicated this on Facebook and Twitter, as well as through the media. We understand your frustration, however please appreciate that safety is our number one priority.”

C’mon, Virgin! You expect Russell to read, and follow, the rules like a normal person? He needs a major corporation to personally contact him with whatever information he might possibly need about whatever situation he might possibly encounter while using whatever service any major corporation anywhere on the planet provides!

Sheesh, Virgin, don’t you get that?

No doubt you read about the mix-up at the Miss Universe Pageant last week, when host Steve Harvey read the wrong name and Miss Columbia was declared Miss Universe for about ninety seconds, until the matter was cleared up and Miss Philippines was awarded the title.

At first it all seemed to go over quite smoothly, with Miss Colombia, Arianda Gutierrez, smiling sweetly and congratulating Miss Philippines on Instagram, but now she’s singing a different tune: conspiracy.

Miss Colombia recently spoke with Colombia’s W radio, and isn’t playing nice now:

“It was very humiliating for me, but also for the whole country and for all the people not only from Colombia but the other Latinos that were in the auditorium.”

She says that when Harvey first uttered the Oops Heard ‘Round The World, she thought it was a joke, because in the rehearsals Harvey played around a lot and she thought he was being funny. And now she thinks the whole event was staged as a publicity stunt.

Now, I love a good conspiracy theory, so I’m 100% on board with Miss Colombia side-eyeing the big-wigs at Miss Universe pageant except … why just a ninety-second stunt? Why not give her the crown, let her take the runway walk, let her tour the world for about six months and then let Harvey say, ‘Uh oh!’? That would be more of an escándalo.

Oh, and Miss Colombia shot down another conspiracy; the one that said she would be riding this mess all the way to Vivid Entertainment where she would pocket a cool million for a Miss Universe porn film.

And somewhere, That Woman is eyeing her daughter Kim, and thinking, ‘Where I Miss Columbia’s mother? I could have made a fortune off a beauty pageant porno. Miss Columbia will never be a star now.’

I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Lotsa talk swirling around the web-o-sphere that, after their current On The Run [from Marriage] tour, Beyoncé and Jay-Z just might be headed toward a “conscious uncoupling” a la Goopy Paltrow or a “tender undoing” a la Jewel.

A source — and it’s probably Dina Lohan since Lindsay is across the pond and has her phone unplugged — says  Jay-Z has hired marriage counselors, plural, to travel with them on tour because, you know, on tour is the time to work on your marriage. And that same source says that after the tour Beyoncé will be taking all of Jay’s things out the house and dumping them on the street while she blasts “Single Lady” from the roof-tops. The source also says they stopped wearing their wedding rings a long time ago, and that Blue Ivy was a band-aid baby that didn’t take, and that it’s all over except ….

“They are trying to figure out a way to split without divorcing. This is a huge concert tour and they’ve already gotten most of the money from the promoters up front.”

Wow. Putting money before love. That’s love, in a Beyoncé/Jay Z world.

I was wrong last week when I said that Lindsay Lohan was at the Ischia Film Festival in Italy just to party and fall down, because it appears she went here for an altogether different reason: Lindsay won an award, y’all … no lie!.

Lohan was honored with the Ischia Comeback Award in acknowledgement of her role in the West End production of David Mamet’s play Speed-the-Plow and the award was given to her by Oscar-winning director Paul Haggis, whom she praised in her speech:

“Thank you, from someone so amazing as you are, and being a friend to me, and someone who I aspire to work with and that I’m lucky to have in life. So I appreciate that, I really do.  … Thank you for having me. Thank you, Pasquale. Five years before this I was in Capri with you, and a lot has happened since then, which I know and you know. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much. … It’s really lovely to be in a position like this and go through certain things in life that bring you back to a place where you can then just speed into the plows of the new depths of your life. I just wanna give my life my all, and I just wanna wish everyone the best. Thank you and God bless.”

A few points: how does someone win a “comeback” award for a project that hasn’t even been realized yet? She hasn’t come back in Speed-the-Plow because it hasn’t opened yet. And then how sad that she got an award from someone she calls a friend and yet they’ve never worked together; or howsabout the “a lot has happened … which I know and you know” bit … or how she so seamlessly inserted the name of her upcoming comeback “speed into the plow” into her speech when most normal folks know that if you speed into a plow, you’ll die.

Ah Lindsay, the gift that keeps on giving. Now that’s worth comeback!

Speaking of Lohan, let’s talk Ali Lohan.

Remember how she was going to be a model and then all those pictures appeared where her face seemed surgically altered botched? And then she really had no modeling career to speak of except in Japan where she was known as Lindsay’s Little Sister??

Well, now it seems that while she wasn’t modeling she was busy “writing songs and working with a singing coach” because she fancies herself the next Dolly Parton—even though we still have the real Dolly and don’t need no second-rate hack job.

But then Ali and Dina … Pass-The-Box-o-Wine … Lohan went to Nashville together and it is ALLEGED that there might be some interest in Ali’s singing career—that made me throw up in my mouth a little.

In fact, Ali has ALLEGEDLY — because this comes from Dina you know — been offered a $120,000 contract from one unnamed label, but Ali Dina already rejected the offer because she thinks she can get more money wine from someone else.

And a job as a roadie for her Dad and a position as Tour Whore for Mama because Dina and Michael have realized that they have squeezed every cent they could from Lindsay so it’s time to start with the younger one.

I don’t watch The Kardastrophes but it does seem like the one named Kourtney is the most normal; sure, she’s had a baby or three with her boyfriend, but at least she hasn’t been married and divorced a couple of times, or been cheated on by a basketball player, so I kinda thought maybe she wasn’t a real Kardashian.

But apparently she is because the man she picked to inseminate her three times, Scott Disick, is ALLEGEDLY a well-known alcoholic whose love of the bottle has nearly cost him his relationship, his kids and even his life on several occasions … like last month when he was apparently hospitalized AGAIN for alcohol poisoning after going wild at a Hamptons night club while Baby Mama Kourtney was hosting NorthSouthEastWest’s birthday hullaballoo in California.

Seriously? Is one of That Woman’s rules that her daughters marry, or get knocked up by losers? No wonder Rob Kardashian wants nothing to do with the Klan and no wonder Bruce is having more surgeries to look less like himself and more like a Midwestern housewife.

And speaking of Rob … nice segue … in one of the most recent episodes of that family’s “reality” show Kim Kash Kow Kardastrophe-Kwest bashes Rob — behind his back, of course, but in front of a camera crew — for being overweight. 

And while the lovely porn star Kim admits that Khloe is worried about their brother, she actually says she has no “sympathy” for him at all and that he should “suck it up” and fix his problems with depression and his weight.

You know, like she does with shopping sprees and surgeries.

And last, and certainly least, Swifty, er Taylor Swift.

She’s been spending the summer in New York having her photograph taken on the streets of Manhattan every day, in different outfits because, well, she’s Taylor Swift and that’s what she does. That and have her bodyguards shriek at people who have the nerve to eat breakfast in the same room with Swifty and two of her paid BFFs.

 An onlooker — and it might have been Dina celebrating after she sold the Beyoncé story to the press — says, “Taylor and her two friends took a table toward the back of the restaurant, but her two security guards took a seat at the bar, eyeing the other diners like a hawk.”

And while Swifty ate, her guards watched the room and ran at anyone and everyone who dared pick up a cell phone lest they snap a picture of Swifty with wing sauce on her chin. One diner — again ... Dina — said, “My friend took her phone out of her purse, and one of the men screamed ‘NO PICTURES!’ She was just checking the time!”

And apparently there were no rabid fans bothering the little girl at breakfast; in fact, the only disturbance in the entire room was the rampant shenanigans of Swifty’s security team.

Note to Tay-Tay: if you don’t want your picture taken in a public restaurant STAY HOME.

Better yet, just stay home all the time.