I Didn't Say It ...

Trevor Noah, Daily Show host, on the latest developments in the Jussie Smollett case:

“Yes, Jussie Smollett is back in the headlines, this time for being indicted for reporting a fake hate crime. And it really sounds bad, until you remember that his plan all along was to get a recurring [Empire] storyline that doesn’t go away. This is what he wanted! And look, I know what Jussie did was wrong, but at the same time I kind of feel bad for him, because he gets into trouble now for calling in fake crimes, but those Permit Patties who made those bullshit calls to 911, they live their lives. They just do their thing. Maybe that should be Jussie’s punishment: he should be forced to get a white-lady nickname. Everywhere he goes, people will be like, ‘Well, well, well, there goes Subway Smollett!’” 

I kinda like Jerk The Police Around Jussie, myself.

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Sarah Huckabee Sanders, former White House Liar, taking the side of the foul mouthed racist she lied for:

“Bloomberg, if he continues to rise, is going to have serious problems with women and African-Americans. His language is offensive and atrocious. Then again, maybe he can buy the DNC just like Hillary did and steal it from Bernie in 2016.Either way, I think this is a great night for President _____.”

Sarah?Honey? Bless your heart.

And fuck off you goosestepping lapdog.–

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RuPaul, on how he created his drag persona, and how he got his name:

“I had to calculate the image. What I did was add one part Dolly Parton to two parts Cher, one part David Bowie and a big heaping spoonful of Diana Ross. And this is scientific. I took the subversive sexuality out of my persona so that Betty and Joe Beercan could invite me into their living room, and you know what? It worked! [And] RuPaul is my real name and I tell all the kids. If you’re getting into show biz do not use your real name, because it winds up on all of your public records. [But] my mother named me that. My mother, both my mother and father are from Louisiana. And the roux in a gumbo. It’s spelled differently, but the roux is the base of a gumbo. So she wanted to put her culture in there, so it’s (Roux)-Paul.”

I got the Dolly, and the Cher, and, of course, the Diana, but I didn’t think about the Bowie!

And I’d love to see his, or her, name as RouxPaul!

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Billy Porter, actor, on the anti-LGBT attacks over his upcoming appearance on Sesame Street:

“If you don’t like it, don’t watch it. Like, what about me singing with a penguin has anything to do with what I’m doing in my bedroom? The really interesting thing for me is that that’s what it’s all about when it comes to LGBTQ people the first thing everyone wants to talk about is how we’re having sex. Stay out of my bedroom and you will be fine—that is none of your business.”

Look, I don’t wanna know what you do in the bedroom, so why are you so interested in what I do.

Twenty years ago, when Carlos and I were cross=country dating, he came to California and we went to visit my parents for the weekend. I had assumed we’d be in separate rooms and we were good with that because it was my parent’s home. But my Mom put us in the same room.

A few weeks later she told me that my father was uncomfortable with us sharing a room because he didn’t want to know what we were doing up there. My mother asked if he ever wondered about what my sister and her husband did when they stayed in the same room and he said, ‘No.’

And she said, ‘This is no different.’

And it isn’t.

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Phillip Schofield, co-host of Britain’s This Morning, came out as gay on air last week:

"I was getting to the point where I didn't like myself very much because I wasn't being honest... but actually I am very proud of myself today. You never know what’s going on in someone’s seemingly perfect life, what issues they are struggling with, or the state of their wellbeing—and so you won’t know what has been consuming me for the last few years. With the strength and support of my wife and my daughters, I have been coming to terms with the fact that I am gay. This is something that has caused many heartbreaking conversations at home. I have been married to Steph for nearly 27 years, and we have two beautiful grown-up daughters … My family have held me so close—they have tried to cheer me up, to smother me with kindness and love, despite their own confusion. Yet still I can’t sleep and there have been some very dark moments. My inner conflict contrasts with an outside world that has changed so very much for the better. Today, quite rightly, being gay is a reason to celebrate and be proud. Yes, I am feeling pain and confusion, but that comes only from the hurt that I am causing to my family … Both mine and Steph’s entire families have stunned me with their love, instant acceptance and support. Of course they are worried about Steph, but I know they will scoop us both up … Every day on This Morning, I sit in awe of those we meet who have been brave and open in confronting their truth—so now it’s my turn to share mine. This will probably all come as something of a surprise and I understand, but only by facing this, by being honest, can I hope to find peace in my mind and a way forward.”

It’s not an easy choice to make, coming out and living openly as a gay man or woman. But imagine doing after being married to a member of the opposite sex for years and years because you thought that was how it had to be.

And then you realize exactly how unhappy you are that you aren’t living your truth, and so you come out.

Joy.

Welcome Out, Phillip, and please accept as our gift from HOMO HQ, the Coming Out Toatser Oven™ and a copy of The Gay Agenda.

Welcome out!

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Jeanine Pirro, enraged on the Chardonnay during her show last week about impeachment and Mitt Romney:

“You want to use that nothing burger to convict the President of the United States?! Are you stupid, too? And you say this is the most difficult decision you ever made? Mitt, you’re full of it! And since you are such a scholar did you ever consider the president’s constitutional rights that were stripped from him in the star chamber where he was denied the presumption of innocence? The truth is you simply despise Donald _____. Your jealousy of this man is a constant rage burning within you because you can never rise to the heights that he has. Because guys like you fold like wusses. Mitt, losers choke! You choked when a CNN reporter pushed back on you and you folded like every other loser! At your request Donald _____ supported you in 2012 and 2018 and like a snake in the grass, you turned on him. I have an idea, you need to be removed from office!  How about you get the hell out of the United States Senate! The people in Utah are furious with you!” And your dream of endearing yourself to the _____-hating left is a joke.”

Note to Jeanine: avoid Happy Hour at Red Lobster before going on air because you sound like the lady who hangs around the dumpster at the Piggly Wiggly drinking malt liquor out of an empty cat food can and screaming at passersby.

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