I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Khloé Kardashian appeared on the latest episode of the podcast Not Skinny But Not Fat and say some nice things about her constantly-cheating ex, Tristan Thompson. Khloé insists Thompson has “so many good sides” not just his need to stick his dick into any women willing to let him do it, even if he already has another girl pregnant, and a couple of baby mama’s hanging around.

And speaking of low self-esteem Khloé also discussed her constantly-changing face, saying it used to offend her when people said she had “12 face transplants,” because the only thing she’d had done was “one nose job.” A nose job that ballooned up her lips and plumped up her cheek bones and changed her eye color and forehead.

That is one magical nose job. You’d think it could have made Tristan keep his dick in his pants.

photo

Shakira is in some tax trouble, y’all, after she ALLEGEDLY skipped out on paying some $15.5 million in taxes in Spain from 2012 to 2014.

Shakira claims she’s innocent, saying that Spain wasn’t her official residence during that time and she appealed the case, but a judge took one look and said, “Denied.”

Now the case goes to trial, and the prosecutors have called their first witness … Shakira’s hips ... cuz y’all know they don’t lie.

photo

From the moment Harry Styles went solo he has been compared to everyone from Elton John, Freddie Mercury, David Bowie and Mick Jagger. It doesn’t appear that the comparison bothers Elton, and with Freddie and Bowie gone, we only have Jagger’s thoughts … and he ain’t happy.

The topic of Harry Styles was brought up during a recent interview between The Rolling Stones and The Times of London, and while Mick said he likes Harry, he says he was way more androgynous back in the day and that Harry is a “superficial resemblance” to his younger self and doesn’t “move on stage” like him.

Well, I’m sure he doesn’t move like Jagger … gag me with as Maroon 5 reference and Adam Levine squawking out a lyric … because Harry probably still has his original hips.

photo

I guess when you divorce the world’s best-known Church of $cientology cult member, they really do erase you from his past. Am I right, Tommy?

Apparently there was a video of Tom Cruise’s illustrious career that played at Cannes before the premiere of Tom’s latest remake-reboot-rehash of a Tom Cruise film—let’s be clear, Cruise doesn’t make movies, he remakes movies—and there was one glaring omission.

Nicole Kidman—who was married to Tiny Tom  for 11 years and starred in three movies with him—was the only leading lady not included in the 10-minute montage that played at Cannes.

All of Cruise’s other co-stars—including Kirsten Dunst, Renée Zellweger and Penelope Cruz, whom he dated for three years—were featured in clips, but apparently, Tom’s love interest in “Days of Thunder,” “Far and Away” and “Eyes Wide Shut” wasn’t Nicki Kidman but was Tom Cruise himself.

Sounds about right.

photo

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

The No Ring is a thing again. This week media whore Kim Kardastrophe went out and was photographed :::gasp::: without her wedding ring, signaling that maybe she and Krazy Kanye were finished.

Who cares, but … then Matt Damon was photographed without his wedding ring on for the second time in a week.

Matt has been married to Luciana Barroso  since 2005, but lately Matt has been hanging out in LA with BFF, and soon-to-be-divorced, Ben Affleck and photographed twice sans band. But is it a signal of divorce, or is it a signal that we’re in the middle of a pandemic and washing our hands a hundred times a day and sometimes we forget to put the band back on … ?

Here’s my take … Kim Kardastrophe is photographed without a ring so people will keep talking about her, while Matt gets photographed without his ring because he left it on the bathroom sink.

Media whore or human person.

photo

Khloé Kardastrophe is at it again.

After years of changing her face so she looks like Beyoncé or Mariah or, well, anyone but herself, she recently posted a new photo to Instagram where she looks almost exactly like … half-sister Kendall Jenner.

That’s Khloé-dall on the left and Kendall on the right. Now, I have no issue with anyone having a little Bo or a peel or a nip or a tuck, but when you change your face so completely that you look more like other people than yourself, maybe you need a rethink.

Of course, if you’re a Kardastrophe, it’s all about the attention, so …

photo

My BFF—mostly because she loathes GOOP as much as me—Martha Stewart recently got her COVID-19 vaccine, normally reserved for front line workers and essential-type people, and the internet tried to drag her saying she pushed her way to the front of the line.

It all started when Martha posted that picture to her Instagram account, saying that she was given the COVID vaccine in an inoculation pod at the Martha Stewart Center for Living at Mount Sinai Hospital in Manhattan. But … Martha didn’t use her wealth to skip the line, she used another number … her age.

Bitch is 79, so she got the shot and y’all can get off her jock.

Now, when Paltrow gets hers …

photo

Um, I may have spoken too soon before, and then had to retract, so I say this with a bit of hesitation … it appears to be over, again, for My-Husband-In-My-Head, Luke Evans and boyfriend Rafael Olarra. He told the UK Times:

“It is what it is.”

But he did not elaborate on the cause of the breakup, but again, if he needs some comfort, I’m here.

photo

I used to like Anne Hathaway, but somewhere about the time she campaigned and begged and pleaded for an Oscar because she say a song in Les Misérables, I kinda thought she was over,

But that was then, and this is now, and now she’s really over.

Hathaway appeared on The Tonight Show recently and told Jimmy Fallon to call her Annie, instead of Anne. But it wasn’t a ‘Hey, we’re friends, call me Annie,’ because Anne Hathaway says her name has always been Annie.

Anne, sorry gurl, said that when she first started acting at 14, she needed to confirm her name for her SAG membership, and went with “Anne Hathaway” because it’s the name listed on her birth certificate … meaning it’s her name. But she says that everyone calls her Annie and hearing folks say Anne is too formal and impersonal.

Too formal and impersonal? For the last twenty-four years? She then added that only her mother calls her Anne … um, because it’s the name she gave you … and that on film sets, people will call her anything but Anne, like Annie, Miss H, or Hath.

Oh Anne, you’re just so precious to have, at age 38, decided you want to be known as Annie. And that little orphan, and the one that got her gun, were here first.

Okurrrrrrr, Anne?

photo

Don’t mess with Lucy.

But Aaron Sorkin is apparently making a film about Lucy and Desi called Being the Ricardo’s. And in the running for Desi is Javier Bardem, and intalks to play Lucy is Nicole Kidman.

Nicole what? Social media went nuts because no one, and I mean no one,  should be playing Lucille Ball except that powerhouse actress, that multi-award-winning actress of stage and screen … and TV … Debra Messing.

Yes, from Will & Grace.

The film is set during one production week of I Love Lucy—Monday table read through Friday audience filming—when Lucy and Desi face a crisis that could end their careers and another that could end their marriage. Originally, Sorkin was simply going to write the script, but then Cate Blanchett thought she should be Lucy and he decided he wanted to direct. But then Cate was out, and Javier and Nicki K said they were interested.

I love me some Kidman, and Javier is kinda delicious, but as Lucy and Ricky?

Cue Debra Messing and the internet, where people wondered TVs second favorite redhead shouldn’t be playing TVs first famous redhead. Rumors swirled that Messing, whose career is en feugo … I kid … was not available, and Messing, who does love to Tweet, instantly replied:

“Oh no, I’m available.”

Except … again … Variety reported that Messing had stated she would not do it:

“Like 15 years ago people would say, ‘Hey, do you want to do like a made for TV movie or something?’ And I always felt like, ‘Oh, I would not even touch that. Like she is untouchable.’"

And now Messing says:

“Ummmmmm, I changed my mind.”

Sorry, Deb, no change-sies, and, um, yeah, Nicole? One other actress, Frances Fisher, joined the fray and Tweeted out this photo of herself:

Sorry other ladies whose names I have now forgotten. Looks like we’ve found our Lucy … though as I said at the top … Don’t mess with Lucy!

photo 1  

photo 2

It's Snarkurday!

Lisa Marie Presley has been married ... a lot; I mean, we all know about the Michael Jackson sham and the Nicholas Cage crazy, but there are others; and that means she’s been divorced ... a lot, too. But normally her divorces are quiet and quick, until this current one—I won’t say ‘last one’ because ... it’s Lisa Marie—from Michael Lockwood, her husband of ten years, is getting ugly.

Lisa Marie and Michael have twin 8-year-old girls who are now in the custody of the LA County Department of Children and Family Services after Lisa Marie told the authorities that she found disturbing things on Michael’s computer ... something along the lines of child porn, though no one is really saying.

Lisa Marie says the images and videos made her “sick to her stomach” and so she called the Beverly Hills Police Department; using a search warrant, they found the questionable images and videos, and also confiscated 80 ... eighty??? ... of Michael’s devices.

Now the divorce is not just irreconcilable differences, but about the ALLEGATIONS of “sexual abuse and neglect” against Michael Lockwood and, while he wants spousal support, she is claiming to be broke.

Yup, Lisa Marie is broker than broke. She’s already gone through her $300 million inheritance from Daddy Elvis, owes $7.3 million to the IRS, is $655,000 in debt, and is living with her daughter Riley Keough and her husband.  

And, she says, her brokeness is ALLEGEDLY Lockwood’s fault because, again, she says, he stole from her and failed to make the payments on her English manor house and so she owes another $5.4 million there.

But, to be fair, this is what constitutes broke in Lisa Marie’s life: she receives $100,000 a month from her father’s estate and another $4,361 monthly for being the creative director at Graceland. Over 100K a month is broke? That’s almost $3,500 a day. I should be so broke.

Now, I don’t know if Lisa Marie is broke—okay, I know she’s not Bob Broke, she’s Presley broke—and I don’t know if her husband is some kind of Subway Jared perv, but I do know that this is one fugly split.

[photo] 

Speaking of celebrity divorces, it now appears that after splitting up—perhaps because of Ben’s dalliance with the nanny—Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are finally, truly, really done being husband-and-wife.

Ben has moved out of the guest house and Jennifer is filing papers. I’m kinda glad because this marriage-is-over-but-he’s-living-in-the-guest-house-and-we-take-vacations-together mess has gone on too long.

[photo]

Poor Little Justin Bieber ... back in May 2016, an indie artist named Casey Dienel accused Justin and Skrillex of stealing a sample from her song Ring The Bell and using it without permission. So now she’s suing, but getting Justin to talk may be hard.

Bieber was scheduled to give a deposition last week, but didn’t even show up. He called in sick ... well, the nanny called in sick ... he couldn’t talk with the rectal thermometer in his mouth.

But Casey Dienel’s lawyers think he’s #FakeNews and say they have proof via several YouTube videos showing him partying with his friends in the early morning hours before his scheduled deposition... damn you, YouTube ... and then hours after calling in sick, Bieber, posted more pictures to Instagram of him drinking with his friends.

To be fair, no one ever said he was smart.

Casey’s lawyers are pissed, because they flew from Nashville to LA for the deposition, so now they want Bieber to give his make-up deposition in March in Nashville.

I imagine his excuse for missing that deposition is that he got locked inside the overhead compartment on the plane.

[photo]

Katherine Heigl had it made; she was the It Girl on Grey’s Anatomy back in the day, but then her head got too big and she ran from that show to make movies. A few were successful, but then even her films were bust so she went trotting back to TV. Her first foray of shame was in something called State of Affairs, which was cancelled about halfway through the first hour it was on.

So, don’t blink, because Heigl is back in a new show called Doubt and there is no doubt that it will die a quick death.

But this story is about her promoting Doubt on The Late Late Show with James Corden, and Corden saying he’d heard—or had been told, by Heigl—that John Mayer had something to do with her finding her husband and falling in love and blahblahblah.

See, about a month after Heigl and Josh Kelley started dating, she says that she didn’t know if he was serious, and so she started “hanging out”—banging—John Mayer; she swears they never “did it” but says she just used John  to make Josh jealous:

“[John] wasn’t interested in me in that way, but he would talk to me about like other hot girls and stuff. It was friends! But Josh didn’t know that. But Josh, to this day, doesn’t quite believe me ... But I did use it a little bit to put a fire under him. It was like, ‘Hey, if this isn’t exclusive and you’re dating other people, that’s fine, but I’m going to continuing seeing John.'”

Seriously, Josh was jealous of John Mayer? I mean, Mayer has banged garbage cans in LA and if Heigl thinks that’s an endearing quality to make Josh jealous then the two of them, the three of them, are crazy.

Or maybe Josh Kelley knew they were banging and sacrificed himself to save the world from a Heigl-Mayer spawn.

[photo]

Two years after Nicole Kidman escaped the cult of Scientology Tom Cruise, there were rumors she was dating Lenny Kravitz.  I remember hearing that and thinking, “Lucky bitch,” but neither Nicole nor Lenny ever confirmed it ... until now.

Nicole is starring in a new HBO series Big Little Lies and one of her co-stars is, small world, Lenny’s daughter Zoë Kravitz, and when Nicole was interviewed about the show and the other actresses and how they all knew each other, she said this:

“Well, I knew Zoë because I was engaged to her father. It’s all in the family! I love Lenny; he’s a great guy.”

Back in 2007, Nicole admitted she had been engaged to someone before marrying Keith Urban in 2006, but she wouldn’t say to whom ... and now we know.

Seriously, it looks like some celebrities don’t have to share their every moment with the media ... though this romance was back in the days before everyone had a smart phone and an Instagram account.

And again, I’ve seen the video of Lenny onstage and he splits his pants down the middle and so, again, “Lucky bitch.”

Even if it was a short engagement.

[photo1, photo 2]

Sometimes it’s best when athletes don’t speak; I mean, make your coins from your athletic prowess, but don’t talk, at all.

Case in point, Cleveland Cavalier Kyrie Irving who has just come out ... no, not that way ... to say that the earth is flat.  Oh, but he did; he said it on the Road Trippin’ with RJ & Channing podcast:

“This is not even a conspiracy theory. The Earth is flat. The Earth is flat. … It’s right in front of our faces. I’m telling you, it’s right in front of our faces. They lie to us.”

He says science is just opinion and that sometimes—shades of Hair Furor—they lie, because he did learn that the earth was round but found that to be a lie?

What the what? It got to be such a story in the NBA that even LeBron James weighed in, saying “if he decides he wants to say the Earth is flat, so be it. He’s an interesting guy, and he believes it.” 

What the ... ? LeBron? You need to sit down and rethink that statement because what you should have said was something along the lines of, “How cute, but the earth isn’t flat and science isn’t just some guy’s opinion.

And Irving? Child, you need to stop talking and get back to class.

[photo]

Harrison Ford is one of those movie stars who like to fly planes and for a while he was good at it. Then he flew one into the ground and seriously injured himself, and last week he ALLEGEDLY landed his plane on a taxiway instead of a runway at the John Wayne Airport in Santa Ana, California and nearly missed hitting another plane carrying 110 passengers.

And now his newest role is playing the subject of an FAA investigation because, as he was coming in for a landing on the wrong runway, he asked the tower:

“Was that airliner meant to be underneath me?”

And that answer would be, “No, fool! You aren’t supposed to be over that airliner!”

And, not only that, Ford also ALLEGEDLY misidentified what kind of plane he was piloting and was ALLEGEDLY broadcasting to the wrong tower!

I’m thinking Hans should no longer fly Solo.

See what I did there ... ah, who cares!

[photo] 

Disney is doing live-action remakes of pretty much all their cartoons because M-I-C ... see ya real soon ... K-E-Y ... why, because we need the coins.

And now comes word that Disney will be doing a live version of The Little Mermaid and, color me crazy, but Lindsay Lohan wants to be the mermaid.

On her Instagram page, Lohan actually put a photo of herself alongside a picture of cartoon Ariel, and then announced that she wants Bill Condon to direct, and her sister, Ali, to do a song for the film, and that Kat Graham should play Ursula.

Sadly, were this version of The Little Mermaid be made, it would end up with Ariel in prison for killing someone in an undersea bar fight.

Seriously, Lindsay? Sit down before you fall down.

[photo]

Remember how broke Tori Spelling is? I mean, the IRS is after her, as are most credit card companies because Tori and her husband Dean McDermott don’t pay their bills.

And so what better way to try and get out of debt than to become pregnant with your fifth child and then ask your Mommy, Candy Spelling, to throw you a lavish baby shower. Nothing says I can’t pay my bills than a $40,000 party for a fetus.

Money that could have been used to pay off a credit card or, oh, I don’t know, maybe pay off Dean’s ex-wife, Mary Jo Eustace, the one he left after he started schtupping the married to someone else, Tori.

See, Dean owes Mary Jo thousands of dollars in back child support for their 18-year-old son Jack, and after seeing Tori’s Instagram of the FetusFest, Mary Jo is expected to rake Dean’s ass over the coals next month in court.

But, hey, back child support, or a party for your fifth child?

Asked and answered.

[photo]

So, Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black became the Cute-Hot-New-Gay couple when they hooked up a few years ago, but maybe the newly out Tom should’a waited awhile before settling down, because, ALLEGEDLY, he’s kind of a photo-sharing, model-banging player.

See, Tom ALLEGEDLY sent a soft-core—it wasn’t hard, if you get my drift—porn video to a fan on Snapchat while, he claims, that he and Dustin were Ross-and-Rachel’ing it, i.e. they were on a break.

But he also had a bit of thing, and a couple of more things, with a model named Edward William whom he met on a London street. They started “hanging out” a year after Tom and Dustin became an item, and Edward has ALLEGEDLY “hung out” with both men several times.

But then Edward and Tom became “f**k buddies” whenever Dustin left town and for a year-and-a-half Ed was Tom’s booty call. Now, to be fair, some folks say Tom and Dustin have an open relationship so maybe Dustin knew?

But if he knew, and he saw that guy, wouldn’t he have gone off? I mean, I would ...

Edward and Tom stopped doing each other in 2015 when Tom got engaged to Dustin and Edward found a boyfriend who was less trick and more full-time.

Happy endings all around, or so it appears.

[photo 1, photo 2]

It's Snarkurday!

Look, let’s get real. We’re all living in fear of crossing paths with Anna Wintour. I still have the stiletto scars on may face from the time she cut in front of at the Piggly Wiggly Express Check-out and she had more than ten items in her buggy — we calls ‘em buggy’s down here in the Deep South, y’all. But there is one man who takes no crap from Wintour and still lives to tell the tale: Tim “Motherf**king” Gunn.

Tim once told us of an event he attended where he watched Anna Wintour’s bodyguards make a fireman’s lock so they could carry her down the stairs and into her car because Anna don’t walk like, or around, regular folks. And Tim doesn’t care that he pissed her off by telling that story because, well, he’s at it again …

He was recently on Meredith Vieira’s show and told Meredith that after he wrote about Anna And The Stairs, her office called his office and demanded that he take it back. And he said, um, ‘No.’ He said he wasn’t trying to be bitchy — and that he knew it was just about getting her Royal High Ass out the building fast — but he wasn’t gonna pretend it didn’t happen:

“I said it wasn’t a matter of not being able to go down the stairs to descend, it was a matter of speed. She had two bodyguards, who made a firemen’s lock, she sat in it. They wooshed her down these stairs and put her right into her car to get to another fashion show because this fashion show was in the fifth floor of the Metropolitan Pavilion. They had to move her fast. She’s a history revisionist, in her mind it never happened basically.”

And he isn’t a’scurred that his storytelling has ruined his relationship with Vogue, because he says it’s a hostile work environment over there … oh snap again … and he would want to be on their good side anyway. And then he dished more Wintour Dirt:

“I was [once] on an airplane with Anna Wintour and the flight attendant came up to me and said, ‘Is that Anna Wintour?’ And I said, ‘Yes. It is.’ She asked, ‘Do you think I can say hello to her?’ I said, ‘Well of course. Who wouldn’t want you to greet them? That would be lovely."

The flight attendant went over and a man sitting next to Wintour stood up, put out his hand — thinking he was Diana and this was “Stop! In The name Of Love” —  and said to her, ‘You have to go away, Miss’ because speaking to Anna Wintour when you’re —i n her mind — a Sky Maid, is the Height of Disrespect.

And Tim finished that story by saying he isn’t worried about Anna getting revenge on him.

“She can try to turn me to stone. I don’t think it will happen.”

But she hurls a mean stiletto and I have the facial scar to prove it.

So, Tom Cruise and his ex-beard Nicole Kidman’s daughter Isabella Cruise married an ALLEGED non-Scientologist Max Parker last week in a low-key ceremony. That Tommy ALLEGEDLY refused to attend because Max might not drink the Kool-Aid. Nicole wasn’t there either because Isabella did not invite either of her parents to the ceremony.

Of course, because he hates bad press, Tom released a statement saying he was “cool” with not being invited to his daughter’s wedding and that he paid for the whole shebang and doesn’t really care if Max hasn’t ordered a ticket for the Xenu Spaceship.

But there are conflicting stories that Nicole did attend and Tom did not, or that Tom attended while Nicole was snubbed. Depending on whom you read, Radar, TMZ, ET, ISBL, D-Listed, Tommy was there, or he wasn’t; Nicole was there or she didn’t even know it was happening. It was a big Scientology event, or it was an escape attempt.

Either way that is one dysfunctional family.

Oh Hugh Grant.

Over the past four years, he’s been having babies nonstop with two different women; the first, Tinglan Hong, a sometime lover who birthed his baby when they weren’t even dating back in 2011. Then, while they were still not a couple, but a couple of parents to a child, Hugh banged Tinglan again and she had another child.

But, in between Tinglan’s first and second surprise Hugh Grant Impregnations, he knocked up a Swedish woman named Anna Eberstein and they had a son in 2012. Now, it appears that while Tinglan was just a booty call that gave birth ... twice … Anna is a real girlfriend; albeit the kind a guy has when he wants a woman at home and still wants to bang one-offs when he’s bored because now Anna is pregnant again with Hugh’s baby.

So, it goes Tinglan, Anna, Tinglan, Anna, in birth order for Hugh, which means Tinglan best be ready to put a new duvet on the non-matrimonial bed.

You never hear gossip about Claire Danes, unless it’s old gossip come to light because there’s a new season of Homeland to promote.

Danes was on Howard Stern this week and told the tale of how, way back in Ott-Three, she stole Billy Crudup away from his pregnant-at-the-time girlfriend, Mary-Louise Parker.

But now, I guess, since it’s been twelve years or so, when Claire was asked about the scandal, she gave it all a sort of “shit happens” excuse:

Howard: When you decided to date … Billy Crudup … he was a married guy and just had a kid, and you start dating him. Of course, he’s getting shit for it and all that. Is that such a scary thing because people are judging you?

Claire: Yeah, that was a scary thing. That was really hard.

Howard: When you go through something like that, are you thinking of your career? Are you like, “What am I doing?” Because people are so goddamn judgmental and all of this stuff?

Claire: Yeah, I don’t know. I didn’t know how to not do that. I was just in love with him and needed to explore that. And I was 24, didn’t quite know what those consequences might be.

WTF? She wasn’t some teenager, she was a grown-assed woman who met a married man with a pregnant girlfriend and just decided to bang him and take him away from his family because, well, that happens? I always thought Claire was a smart one, but I guess not when she’s thinking with her lady parts.

Oh, and lest you think I’m going easy on Crudup, think again: he was a dick, too.

One of the reasons Tommy might not, or might have, or might not have, been at his daughter’s wedding is that that he’s busy is selling off his property.

Earlier this year he listed a compound in the Hollywood Hills for $13 million, apparently evicting his sister who lived there in the process, and now he’s selling his Telluride Nuthouse for, wait a sec, $59 million, along with his personal Beverly Hills manse for the bargain price of $50 million.

Why, Tommy, why? Are there more stories of your ALLEGED gay-etude coming out and you’ll need cash for lawyers or, is it someone more Xenu?

Rumor has it that Tommy is estranged from some of his family members — perhaps the non-Scientology ones — and no longer wants them living on his properties, so he’s selling the homes, loading the truck and moving to … Florida, a home to Scientology wacknuts and close to his “dear friend” John Travolta.

I wonder if this is going where it sure as hell looks like it’s going …. Tommy and Johnny canoodling on a Sunshine State beach?

Oh yeah … ALLEGEDLY.

Randy Quaid was arrested in Montreal this week yesterday morning during one of his regular check-ups with Canada Border Services. He’d applied for permanent residency in Canada in 2013 but was denied due to felony vandalism charges he faces in Santa Barbara and then ran away from to live up north. He was supposed to go a hearing with the Immigration and Refugee Board, but skipped out on that, hence the arrest.

And apparently Canadian Border officials are giving him the boot from their country because, well, wacknut criminal and all. He was ordered to get out by Wednesday and will most likely be deported back to the US next week. And he’s good with that because he now says he wants to deal with the charges in Santa Barbara and move on with his life.

Except … when Randy and his wife Evi escaped Santa Barbara for Canada he said that they were running from a group called the Hollywood Star Whackers who were murdering famous types and who were going to murder him next. And now he’s saying that although he called them “Star Whackers” he doesn’t think an actual mafia of killers is trying to murder him. He just means that there are powerful people in Hollywood who are mean to him.

Um, uh huh. Canada wins again. We got Bieber and Celine Dion and now they’re making us take Quaid back, too?

Damn them and their universal healthcare.

A few months back John Stamos was pulled over after several people called 911 to report that his silver Mercedes was swerving all over the place. He was ALLEGEDLY pretty drunk and was arrested and booked and released and sent to rehab all min the space of about an hour.

Now, the Los Angeles District Attorney will charge him with a DUI but there are new bits of the story; like the fact that Stamos was ALLEGEDLY under the influence of GHB, AKA a date rape drug.

A source close to Stamos — does Lohan sell GHB — says he wasn’t roofied and he wasn’t taking it to get high, but was using a date rape drug to “lean out his body mass,” so he could be body hot-ready for Fuller House; apparently all the bodybuilders do it, so skinny ass Stamos tried it too.

I’m’a hafta go, Uh Huh on this one.