I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

A couple of weeks ago I heard that Brendan Fraser had fallen on hard times—I guess there aren’t many rolls for a dimwitted Mummy chasing Indiana Jones wannabe—and was trying to have the $900,000 a year he pays his ex wife in alimony and child support reduced.

First question …. Nine Hundred G’s? Did he ever make enough money to be court ordered to pay almost a million dollars a year in support?

But I digress. Still, I thought it exorbitant, given his career these days, or lack thereof. But then I learned that Fraser earns an amazing $251,504 a month; or $2.8 million a year. He says nearly half of that goes for, ahem, “professional fees” like for his agent, his mortgage[s], taxes, insurance; gardening. Here are his monthly expenses and why he can no longer afford the 900K to the ex and the kids:

Alimony — $50,000

Mortgages — $5,000+

Property tax — $6,000+

Income tax — $34,132.52

Child support — $25,000

Gardening — $5,200

Various insurances — $5,000+

Family support and gifts — $5,000+

Staffing — $3,000

Pet care — $7.77

All told, Fraser’s expenses have him losing $87,320.01/month, though his assets total some $25 million, so, um, yeah, he’s not really destitute.

But….five thousand a month on gardening? Mow your own damn lawn. And what is the seven bucks on pets? Does he have a Flea Circus?

Someone needs to readjust his priorities. 

On the Lohan front, a few months ago, prosecutors were in talks with Lindsay’s then-attorney Shawn Holley on a plea deal that would have included mandatory jail time and some six months of rehab. But then Lindsay fired Holley—because she owes her $300,000 and thought she could skip out on that bill like she skipped out on the Chateau Marmont—and hired a new lawyer who’s about as dumb as a Box of Lohans.

Still, he was able to deal this thing down to no jail, two months of rehab, and a gentle slap on the wrist that doesn’t hold the vodka bottle. Lindsay, though, because she’s the original Box of Lohans, won’t take the deal because she’s innocent. Dammit!

Lindsay says she’s not accepting any of it because to her it sounds like “punishment for something I didn’t do.”

Now, to be fair, maybe she wasn’t all drunk and stuff when she plowed into the truck last June, but no one seems to say that she wasn’t driving, and then lying to police about being the driver. She tried to pin it on her assistant but after he bailed her out of jail for punching the psychic she made him get out of the limo, and he gone all Team Jail-time.

I hope she doesn't take a deal. I hope she goes to trial and gets jail time and then has sit in solitary confinement 24/7 watching Liz & Dick on a loop.

Sometimes people have so much money they don’t know what to do with it. I mean, since all the children in the world are fed, and the environment has been fixed, and there are no diseases ravaging the countryside, what oh what does a pampered self-indulgent lip-syncing celebrity do with her cash?

Well, if you’re Beyoncé, you buy a pair of Isabel Marant sneakers made from 5 different animal skins for a shade over $5,000. The, um, ‘King Bey’ sneakers are made from snakes, stingrays, crocodiles, ostriches, and baby calves. 

Naturally, PETA is tired of this nonsense and released a statement:

These custom-made kicks come with a high price—and it’s paid by the various animals that were beaten and skinned alive or cruelly farmed and killed. Although most people aren’t as familiar with the types of animals (snakes, stingrays, crocodiles, and ostriches) killed for this single pair of sneakers as they are with the cats and dogs we share our homes with, these animals are highly sensitive living beings who try hard to avoid capture and suffer enormously when trapped, netted, speared, and skinned alive…

A spokesperson from PMK!—which is producing the skin sneakers, released this nonsense:

No animals were beaten, harmed, or killed in the development and crafting of the “King Bey” sneaker. The exotic skins used to construct the “King Bey” sneaker were at the sole discretion of PMK and are not in association with any decisions, requests, or opinions of Beyoncé and her affiliated parties. All leather and exotic skins used by PMK are from a legal supplier in New York.

Oh, so Beyoncé didn’t personally kill the snakes or ostriches, so that makes it okie-dokie. Just like the PMK Jay-Z shoes, “The Brooklyn Zoo,” also made with about 5 different skins.

Like I said, when you have too much money, and think too highly of yourself, what does it matter if you skin five animals so you can sell shoes?

Back to Lohan ….

Last week Lindsay’s new lawyer Mark Heller appeared before a judge, attempting to show the need for one of Lindsay’s multiple charges to be dismissed. The attempt at dismissal was for the “lying to police” charge, I think, or maybe being a bad actress, or for doing porn, I’m not sure.

But what I am sure about is that Judge Jim Dabney reamed Lindsay’s mouthpiece in open court. Dabney told Heller he was incompetent to practice law in California and said Lindsay either has to get another lawyer who knows what he’s doing or she has to come into court and waive her right to a competent California lawyer. Ouch.

But Heller was to be deterred. He said the judge needed to show Lindsay “mercy and compassion.”

Like the mercy and compassion she showed us with Liz & Dick? I.Don’t.Think.So.

Heller gave a press conference after the judge called him out and refused to dismiss the charges, and said, and this is true y’all, he said, “My client is a nice young lady who visits autistic children in her spare time.”

Even Lindsay laughed at that one. From under a bar somewhere.

So there was this whole hubbub about Anne Hathaway’s Oscar dress. It seems she was supposed to wear a specially-made Valentino gown, but ended up wearing that pink Prada disaster instead.

Well, now we know that the night before the Oscars Anne learned that Amanda Seyfried would be wearing an Alexander McQueen gown that so closely resembled Anne's specially made Valentino that she just could not do it; would not do it!

Now, I don’t blame her. If I had a nickel for every time I wore a specially made Valentino and Amanda Seyfried showed up in a strikingly similar gown, well, let’s just say I’d have Brendan Fraser money.

An insider close to the situation—possibly a gossipy stylist—says Hathaway learned during an Oscar rehearsal that Seyfried planned to wear a dress notably similar to hers. In fact, Anne asked about the dress and Seyfried showed her an iPhone snap of the Alexander McQueen creation.

“Anne was like ‘WTF?!’” the source says. “She started throwing a fit!”

To be fair, Anne never asked Amanda to not wear her dress, so Anne could wear her dress on the big night, but, the source goes on to say, “Amanda didn’t want to deal with it and left.”

However, the drama didn’t end there. Hathaway fumed over the dresses, making her team of ‘people’ wait for hours until she decided what dress she’d wear instead of the specially created Valentino original.

Now, this may all seem much ado about nothing, but even Anne Hathaway weighed in on the kerfuffle in a statement released by her publicist: 

“It came to my attention late Saturday night that there would be a dress worn to the Oscars that is remarkably similar to the Valentino I had intended to wear, and so I decided it was best for all involved to change my plans. Though I love the dress I did wear, it was a difficult last-minute decision as I had so looked forward to wearing Valentino in honor of the deep and meaningful relationship I have enjoyed with the house and with Valentino himself. I deeply regret any disappointment caused.”

Wow. All about the dress? Really? And why wouldn’t she wear the Valentino? She was the one winning the award and her picture would fly around the world, not Amanda Seyfried.

I guess it’s true that Oscar is just about fashion these days, and not the movies.

Oh LaToya Jackson, what you won’t do to appear relevant, and cash a paycheck.

It seems LaToya—who, like OJ, promised to find the real killer of Michael Jackson, and then did nothing—is still trying to cash in on her brother’s death by cashing in on his kids and getting them on TV.

See, LaToya signed all three—Prince, Blanket and Paris—to the Ja-Tail Enterprises talent agency, which has no other clients and has been whoring them out and taking an agent’s commission in doing so. Paris has been signed up to do a movie, and Prince is a new “correspondent” on Entertainment Tonight, and will appear on the just cancelled 90210. Blanket, well, we’re not sure yet ….

But, if that isn’t enough, she’s shopping around a reality show set to showcase the three Jackson “children” and might be giving this Hot Mess In Waiting to none other than Also-Desperate-To-Return-To-The-Spotlight Oprah Winfrey.  Insiders said bidding has approached $10 million, so LaToya stands to make a cool $1.5 million on that deal alone.

LaToya was able to scoop up these three living paychecks because most of her siblings are legally barred from the Jackson mansion following the videotaped fight between Paris and her aunt Janet, the failed coup on Jacko’s will and the ALLEGED kidnapping-disappearance of Katherine.

Now, Michael was crazy, he was all kinds of crazy, but I imagine he’s rolling over in his solid gold casket over the antics of his money-grubbing sister.

Poor Justin Bieber. He threw himself a big birthday party in London, but he got over-stimulated—as often happens with kids and cakes and candies—and is now in time out.

See, Justin threw himself a big birthday party at the Cirque du Soir, and his entourage got into some kind of beef with the on-site security so instead of using his words and dealing with the situation like an adult, Justin just left the club and whined about it on Twitter.

“Worst birthday,” he tweeted to his more than 35 million followers. 

So what went wrong? A source at London’s Cirque du Soir, where the pseudo-Lesbian singer was celebrating with friends, says that there was a confrontation between Bieber’s team and security at the venue because 14-year-old party guest Jaden Smith, Will and Jada’s meal ticket,isn’t old enough for the club scene.

Still, other sources say the confrontation was about more than just Jaden. The security guards thought SEVERAL members of Justin’s crew looked “suspiciously young” and so they carded everybody, and several were refused entrance.

And Justin cried, and took his tears to Twitter.

Poor Biebs! Maybe he’ll get a better party at Lilith Fair?

Oh Rihanna, go away. Or, at least stop talking. The girl has awful taste in men, and tattoos, and just recently had a gun inked onto her side because, as she said, it’s a symbol for her strength as a woman and her insistence on not being a victim.

Again. Or whatever.

“Everybody wanted to know what was happening in my life. Is she a drug addict? No. Is she an alcoholic? No. Is she a victim? No,” Rihanna said. “That’s when I got the gun. It was a symbol of strength. I’ll never be a victim. That’s why I’m posting pictures of myself smoking pot, to tell the truth about myself. I’ve got so much to think about, why bring all this extra shit by being dishonest? I Instagram everything about my life, whether it’s smoking pot, in a strip club, reading a Bible verse – how crazy, I know! – or hanging out with my best friend, who happens to be Chris Brown.”

Methinks she’ll soon be wishing that tatted gun was the real thing if Chris Brown decides to use her face as a punching bag again.

I Didn't Say It......

Jim Daly, head of Focus On The Family, on Lady Gaga and "Born This Way":

"First, by Stefani Germanotta’s [Gaga's real name] own admission, she’s built her entire persona and celebrity on a platform that’s anything but typical. She is playing a part, a role, and not living as she would outside the bright lights. Put another way, Lady Gaga was clearly not born this way.
Second, and more importantly, the message found within the lyrics of Born This Way is in stark contrast to the message of the Gospel. All of us are born into sin, the Bible tells us, with desires and resulting actions that separate us from God and put us at odds with His blueprint for our lives. But the Good News is we’re not hopelessly trapped in our sin and failure. Despite the fact that we were 'born this way,' each of us can be set free – from homosexuality, or heterosexual sex outside of marriage, or pornography, or greed, or gossip, or any other human shortcoming – to be the men and women God intended us to be."

Um, Jim?
May I call you Jim?
Fucktard seems a little familiar.
Gay people don't need to be "set free" from homosexuality. The world needs to be set free from bigots like you who twists the Bible, and the "word" of God--because let's face it, it's really the word of mortal men speaking for god--into something akin to hate.
If you really truly believed in everything written in the Bible, you'd be living an entirely different life.
And you know it, but you cast the first stone like you have no sins.

Edwin O'Brien, Baltimore Archbishop, on having Maryland Catholics pray and fast to prevent marriage equality:

“The institution of marriage can only belong to the union of one man and one woman because nature – not social prejudice – has given this relationship the unique capacity to bring children into the world. It is for this reason that religion and governments alike have bestowed special recognition upon this relationship for thousands of years. We commend those political leaders who have had the courage to stand by their convictions by voting to uphold our society’s most fundamental institution…The value of marriage must not be abandoned for the sake of partisan politics or political gain. It is not too late for the members of the House of Delegates to hear from God’s people and to vote in accordance with their true conscience to uphold marriage.”

Oh, Archbishop.
May I call you Archie?
See, Archie, children are not brought into this world solely as the result of marriage. Lost of kids are born into single family homes. Lost of children are born via medical procedures that allow women to get pregnant. Lots of children are born via surrogate and given to loving parents, of all genders and couplings.
And now, as for your devaluing marriage remark.
Tell.Me.How.
:::crickets:::
Because you can't. Any gay marriage does not devalue the institution, it strengthens it.
And if you put down your bigotry and intolerance for one second, you'd see that.

Former Louisiana Governor, and presidential hopeful, Buddy Roemer, on legalizing same-sex marriage:

“I’m a traditionalist in marriage. Here’s as far as I can go: I’m comfortable with the states having this discussion. And I’m all for -- in my extended family, not my wife or kids, but beyond -- cousins, that sort of thing -- we have a gay member. We honor him. He’s a great guy. He moved to California so he would be in a community where he would be more comfortable. And I love living in a country where gays are honored and esteemed, but traditional lives can continue as well.”

He loves living in a country where gays are honored and esteemed?
Where the fuck does he live?
And he's okay with The Gays as long as it's not his wife or kids, but some, you know, some cousin, or great-aunt. And if they're gay, well, he honors them by having them move away from his family, to a place where he might feel more comfortable.
Yeah, Buddy, I imagine your cousin felt more comfortable in a  community thousands of miles away from you and yours.
Asshat.

Musician Henry Rollins, on John Boehner's desire to defend DOMA:

"Of course same sex marriage is constitutional! The right to be yourself, to pursue life, liberty, and property, is protected several ways over several amendments. John Boehner should know this. If only he read the Constitution as often as some of us do, he wouldn’t have bothered to lower himself to this time-wasting, pathetic attempt to invigorate his base of supporters. Damn, congressman, we’re trying to get up the road here. Either lay out a plan for job creation for all of us to see or get out of the way. You are the Speaker of the House. Scratching around in the ancient dirt of repellent prejudice instead of tackling the real issues is amateur hour. You have a plan? Now’s the time."

What's to say that Henry didn't say so eloquently?
I agree.
The GOP swept into office in the most historic election EVER and vowed to fix the economy and create jobs and repeal Health Care Reform, yet all they've done is give tax breaks to the rich, vote symbolically to repeal health care, and now this.
No jobs?
No fixed economy?
What's that you say? The GOP lied?

LaToya Jackson, a contestant on Trump's 'Celebrity Apprentice,' endorsing the Hair:

"I truly believe that he would be a great running candidate if he did [run for president], and I would certainly vote for him. I think he would make an excellent president. I think he speaks the truth, I also feel that he knows a lot about the economy and the way [it's] heading. [The] world in general is basically involved around business with the oil crisis and things of that nature, that's basically controlling the world at this point and this moment. He knows so much about that. I think he's loved by a lot of people in America. I think he stands a chance, but then again, you have the other side who says, 'Well how much does he really know?'"

Wow.
What.A.Moron.
And I'm sure this particular endorsement is just what The Donald needed to make up his mind.
A great running candidate? WTF is that?
He knows so much about business that's controlling the world "at this point and this moment"?
Which is it, LaToya? At this point or this moment?
And which is it? Does he know it all, or how much does he know?
 Again....What.A.Moron.

Tea Party-backed GOP Senator Marco Rubio, from Florida, on Boehner and DOMA:

"I want to thank Speaker Boehner and the House Republican leadership for taking action to defend this critical law that was enacted by a bipartisan majority in Congress and signed by President Bill Clinton. It is unfortunate that President Obama decided to no longer defend the Defense of Marriage Act. While much of the debate in Washington is focused on creating jobs and growing our economy, we should not sit by while this administration makes profound and regrettable decisions based more upon the politics of the day than the words of our Founding Fathers. This law protects one of our most sacred institutions and because of the House’s actions today, it will be defended."

Yes, let's debate creating jobs and growing our economy, while we work on defending DOMA.
Hey asshat?
Obama is still enforcing DOMA, he said he will simply no longer defend the constitutionality of it.
For the love of RuPaul, don't these people, and by people, i mean Teabaggers, and by Teabaggers, I mean wingnuts, even read?
He admits we need to focus on jobs and such, but, well, let's do this first.

REM lead singer Michael Stipe, on exactly how gay he is:

"On a sliding scale of sexuality I’d place myself around 80-20, but I definitely prefer men to women. I had sex with, and enjoyed sex with, women until I met someone that I fell in love with, and who is now my boyfriend. I wasn’t troubled or confused, but I just felt there wasn’t a place for me. I hate and refuse to apply the term bisexual to myself. It doesn’t seem appropriate. It feels like just another label."

Honey? You're gay.
You had sex with women out of confusion, and didn't feel loved until you met your boyfriend.
That's so gay.
And it's okay.
Really.

Actor Jonathan Lovitz, on being excused from jury duty because he's gay:

"Just had an intense day at jury duty. During voir dire we were asked who would not be impartial. I raised my hand and said, 'Since I can't get married or adopt a child in the state of New York, I can't possibly be an impartial judge of a citizen when I am considered a second class one in the eyes of this justice system.' You wouldn't believe how people in the room reacted."

Wow.
The good news is that being gay really does have its privileges!
The bad news is that now everyone will want to be gay.
On a serious note, however, Lovitz--and he's not that Jon Lovitz--has a point.
Treat us as though we don't matter and how are we supposed to think and feel and react? Our life experience is that we are less than so how can we judge those who are, in their minds at least, our betters?

Jim Langevin, Democratic congressman of Rhode Island, announcing his change of heart on the issue of marriage equality:

"As the debate about same-sex marriage continues in Rhode Island and in Washington, I have taken time to reflect carefully on my own position. Based on my own experiences and my firm belief that all Americans should be treated equally under the law, I am now convinced that affording full marriage equality rights to same-sex couples is the only fair and responsible approach for both Rhode Island and the nation. If our nation expects to provide equal protection to all, then our civic institutions must reflect that noble goal."

Minds can change.
People can think with common sense.
You cannot legislate inequality.
Or, at least, you shouldn't.
Thanks Jim.

John Boehner, on defending DOMA:

“I will convene a meeting of the Bipartisan Legal Advisory Group for the purpose of initiating action by the House to defend this law of the United States, which was enacted by a bipartisan vote in Congress and signed by President Bill Clinton. It is regrettable that the Obama Administration has opened this divisive issue at a time when Americans want their leaders to focus on jobs and the challenges facing our economy. The constitutionality of this law should be determined by the courts -- not by the president unilaterally -- and this action by the House will ensure the matter is addressed in a manner consistent with our Constitution.”

Oh, John, don't cry.
It isn't "regrettable" that Obama has chosen not to defend an unjust law.
It's regrettable that you are not doing, not planning on doing, and haven't done, one single thing that you promised when you were sweeping into power.
Well, except for giving a tax break to all those really rich people.

Congresswoman Vicky Hartzler, of Missouri, demanding that President Obama and the DOJ enforce DOMA:

“President Obama’s decision to order his Justice Department to stop defending DOMA is not a surprise but it is disappointing. Once we start going down the road of selectively enforcing our laws we are headed for chaos. President Obama took an oath to uphold the laws of the United States and he is breaking his word to the American people. The 1996 Defense of Marriage Act was enacted through large majority votes in both the House and Senate and was signed into law by President Clinton. President Obama is subverting the will of the representatives of the people. The good citizens of the 4th Congressional District are expected to follow the law and President Obama should not put himself above the law."

See what she does there?
She goes from saying he won't defend DOMA and then switches to saying he won';t enforce it.
She's taking a page from Wingnut Queen Michelle Bachmann's book: say it often enough and it's true.
Well, Vicki, you moronic dingbat, it isn't true.
Obama actually said he would continue to enforce DOMA, he just won't defend it's inequalities.
Seriously, speak the truth, and quit goosestepping along with Herr Boehner.

Timothy Dolan, Archbishop of New York  and Catholic High Henchman, on Obama and DOMA:

"The Administration’s current position is not only a grave threat to marriage, but to religious liberty and the integrity of our democracy as well. Our nation and government have the duty to recognize and protect marriage, not tamper with and redefine it, nor to caricature the deeply held beliefs of so many citizens as 'discrimination.' On behalf of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, I express my deep disappointment over the Administration’s recent decision. I have written of these concerns to the President in separate correspondence, and I pray that he and the Department of Justice may yet make the right choice to carry out their constitutional responsibility, defending the irreplaceable institution of marriage, and in so doing protect the future generations of our children."

I love how he talks about protecting children, while he's a member of an organization with a huge pedophile population.
While he, himself, hid $130 million dollars so it could not be used as part of a settlement in pedophile priest cases.
Keep goosestepping along, working to protect the church and its money.
God will have a special place for you at the end of your life.

I Didn't Say It....

LaToya Jackson, on Michael's, er, murder:
"He was murdered for his catalogue and they knew that, and they knew Michael was much more, worth so much more dead than alive. His children deserve the truth. I think his parents deserve the truth, his family and his fans. Personally I think it is a slap in the face, not just to Michael but to the entire family. It's totally unfair, it's wrong and it was not an accident."
His sister deserves the truth, too, and by truth, I mean she thinks she deserves a cut.
Boob jobs and plastic surgery ain't free, y'all.
And Michael's estate is now reportedly worth a cool billion.

Glee creator Ryan Murphy, on the rumor that some members of the cast are using their trailers for some afternoon delight:
"I've dated people I've worked with and, you know, when you work on a set for 18 hours a day I think it's natural. But I have a rule: don't do it in your trailer! They've broken that rule on many occasions. I'm like, 'I know you guys are young and hormonal, but don't do it in your trailer'."
Hmmm, I wonder which ones are doing the deed?
Mister Shue and Puck?
Maybe?
I know! Me, too.

Mike Huckabee, on the "ick" factor about same-sex relationships:
“I do believe that God created male and female and intended for marriage to be the relationship of the two opposite sexes. Male and female are biologically compatible to have a relationship. We can get into the ick factor, but the fact is two men in a relationship, two women in a relationship, biologically, that doesn’t work the same.”
Guess what, Mike. I think there's a great deal of "ick factor" thought about you and the missus doing the nasty, but that doesn't stop you from getting married, does it?
Asshat.

Jesse Tyler Ferguson, on the Modern Family kiss campaign:
"I'm all for progressive movement within the show. I appreciate the passion that some of the fans have. The fact that there is even a campaign on Facebook just shows how many people really love the show and the characters and want to see them happy. I think the writers are proceeding in a very wise way. There's a great PDA episode they're writing about Mitchell's issues with public displays of affection. Viewers shouldn't be expecting a big, 'Gone with the Wind' romantic kiss. It's very beautiful and poignant. The writers are so good, they're really taking that criticism and they're going to run with it and try and create a talking point with it."
I'm looking for to the Cameron/Mitchell smooch. They are, undoubtedly, one of the most committed same-sex partners on network TV, and a kiss would just seal that deal.

American Family Association president Tim Wildmon, on ten year-old Will Phillips being the Grand Marshal of Northwest Arkansas Pride:
"It’s shameful that adults would abuse a brain-washed child in this way. He’s obviously just parroting the nonsense he’s been told by manipulative adults.For gay activists to trot out this child and make him the poster child for promoting unnatural sexual expression is a form of child abuse.
"When you realize that the FDA won’t allow a male to donate blood if he’s had sex with another male even one time since 1977, you begin to understand the enormous health risks involved in this kind of sexual behavior. We call on Mayor Lioneld Jordan of Fayetteville to cancel his plans to issue a proclamation celebrating homosexual behavior and Gay Pride. There is nothing about homosexual conduct to be proud of, and much to be ashamed of."
Oh, but there is much to be proud of when you spread hate and fear, eh, Tim?

Clay Aiken, on why he should replace Simon Cowell on American Idol:
"I've always thought it would be a great addition to the panel to have someone who's a former contestant and knows what it's like to be up on that stage and be critiqued. Well, I'm so far removed from it at this point that I don't know if I remember what it's like, but who knows. I would not put myself out there to be as caustic as he is, but if they want to call me, bring it on. We can talk."
Or, maybe, Clay wants to do it because, really, his career is basically over.
Just sayin'.

Jerry Seinfeld, on Lady GaGa, after she ended up in his box at the Met's game:
"This woman is a jerk. I hate her. I can't believe they put her in my box, which I paid for.
You give people the finger and you get upgraded? Is that the world we're living in now? I wish her the best. You take one 'A' off of that and you've got gag. I don't know what these young people think or how they promote their careers. I'm older, I'm 56....I'm not one of these all-publicity-is-good people. People talk about you need exposure — you could die of exposure."
Word, Jerry.