Tidbits

I lovedlovedloved Betty White on SNL. She's a bawdy broad, a comic genius, and, yes, a national treasure--not the kind that Nicholas Cage digs up. I've been pointing at Carlos all weekend and saying, The Wizard Of Ass!

I watched the end of The Amazing Race and was thrilled beyond words that Idiot Model Couple Caite Upton and Brent Horne lost. Lost. It was disgusting enough to watch these two morons routinely put down people in other countries for not understanding English, but to watch Little Miss The Iraq And Such As Caite Upton call a cabdriver in San Francisco a dumbass--repeatedly--just shows that she is an idiot of epic proportions. Caite? Honey? You lost. Again. Boo-fucking-hoo.

Is it me or is Oprah getting bigger by the second. I watched, er, DVR'd, her show on Friday because I wanted to see Christina Aguilera, and when I watched it, seeing Oprah in that sequinned Pepto Bismol skirt, well, made me wanna hurl. It seemed to be growing as I watched. Further making me wanna hurl was Carlos saying Christina was doing Madonna from the 80s because she had platinum blond hair and ruby red lips. I reminded him that Madonna was accused of doing Marilyn back in the day, and before Marilyn there was Jean Harlow--look her up. There has always been a blond bombshell, and there will always be a blond bombshell.

Like many of you, I am sick of George Rekers and his Luggage Lifting Full Body Massage Travel Assistant. I loathe closeted gay men who work, and earn a living at, persecuting gay people at every turn. But I also feel somewhat sorry for Rekers and his ilk. I mean, how sad to hate yourself so much that you will spend your life working against people like you, deny people like you, and lie to anyone and everyone you know. Rekers didn't make himself anti-gay; society did.

Here in the Great :::cough cough::: State of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, our Philanderer-In-Chief, is expected to announce today whether he'll sign a bill raising the tax on a pack of cigarettes by fifty-cents. Lotsa folks crying foul; most of those cigarette smokers. As a man who lost his mother to lung cancer, I can only say, STFU. You don't wanna pay the extra coinage, then find a way to stop. And, when you stop, I imagine you might feel a whole lot better, and live a bit longer. Isn't that worth fifty cents?

Lost. Don't get me started. I wept like a baby last week. Sun!! Jin!!! Get out of the sub!!! And Sayid? I think I'll miss him most of all. I am readying my box of tissues for these last episodes, and for the aftermath of no Lost. Where shall i go? What shall I do? What will become of me?

I am going to admit that I watched some of The Real Housewives Of New Jersey [RHONJ] last year. That whole Prostitution-Whore-Table-Flipping scene by white-trash-with-money Teresa was worth it. This year? Not so much. A bunch of bored rich, and not-so-rich-anymore, bitch housewives who spend their days talking about another woman and putting her down is just plain ugly. I'll stick with The Real Housewives Of New York, though Jill and The Countless can go screw themselves.

I watched a bit of Half-Term Governor Quitter Sarah Palin talk about how we are a religious country founded on Christian beliefs and that we should run the country the way God wants us to run it. Um, Sarah, you dipshit? Whose God? Yours? Mine? My Muslim neighbor? The Jew down the street? And what about the atheist on the corner or the agnostic on the next block? They don't get a say? Whose God, you asshatted wingnut? You should learn to keep your illiterate uninformed mindnumbingly dumb right wing opinion to yourself. For a more comprehensive, and especially well-written viewpoint on The Quitter and religion and the Constitution, head on over the The Junction, Nutwood Junction [HERE]. Miss Beth has a mouthful to say, and as usual, it's fantastic.

Caite Upton Goes All Stupid. Again.

Remember Caite Upton, the pageant knucklehead from South Carolina, and The Iraq and such as? Yes? No? Well, either way, here's a refresher before we get started:

Yeah. Anyway. We're so proud, and such as, here in South Carolina, because we have access to illiterate fools, and such as. But I digress.

Caite Upton, Miss Airhead 2010, and her Huckleberry hound, model-[?]-boyfriend, Brent Horne, are contestants in the latest rendition of The Amazing Race, partially in hopes of dispelling the myth that models in general, and Caite in particular, are dumb.

It's, um, not working.

See, dim bulb Caire, and dimmer bulb Brent Horne, seemed to have had it out for lesbian couple Carol Rosenfeld and Brandy Snow almost from the first episode of the season. I can understand, a little, because Caite overheard that Carol and Brandy had a laugh or twelve at her expense over "The Iraq And Such As". But Caite Upton made those idiotic statements, and has heard all the jokes, so why the express anger at Rosenfeld and Snow.

Aaaaah! Lesbians.

See, I think Caite, dear sweet shy stupid naive Caite, bless her heart, is one of your mainstream South Carolina homophobes. And, so, she had to find a way to rid The Amazing Race of The Lesbians. But, to hear Carol and Brandy tell it, they assumed all was right between the couple and the couple of airheads.

Carol Rosenfeld: "We both had separate conversations with her and Caite talked about [her infamous answer at Miss Teen USA 2007] and how she overcame it. I remember specifically saying, 'Good for you,' so to find out how much she hated us was a complete shock."

The models' very visible hatred of the two women culminated in last Sunday's episode when they U-Turned Carol and Brandy, leading to their elimination. So, why the intense hatred, and why, Caite and Brent, you two inept fools, the need to constantly refer to Carol and Brandy as "The Lesbians"? I don't recall other teams referring to you two as "The Two Mindnumbingly Dumb Asshats From South Carolina".

Carol Rosenfeld: "I don't want to go to the point where I say she's homophobic because that's a pretty severe indictment of somebody. I don't know. People will have to be the judge of that, but you watch it and you don't know this is going on, and you like to think that in this day and age, people of a much younger generation would be a little more open-minded. It is what it is. She was clearly obsessed with beating and eliminating us. I think she very clearly had a problem with us as lesbians, not with us as individuals because she never individually indicts one of us as having done anything specifically wrong to them."

No need to do anything specifically wrong to them, just the simple fact that you're Lesbians, and she somehow, if it's even possible, thinks of you as less than she is, proves that Caite Upton is an Idiotic-Homophobe from a state full of them.

And such as.