It's Snarkurday!

Jennifer Garner is getting the Poor Jen read after her marriage to Ben Affleck crumbled under the weight of NannyGate, but is she really all that innocent?

Garner was once married to Scott Foley when she was ALLEGED to have done the nasty with her Alias co-star, Michael Vartan; Foley says the breakup was due to the pressures of stardom, but were they really "stars"? I think not. And then there’s the tale that Garner dumped Vartan the minute she hooked up with Affleck, and there may have been some overlap in bang time there. In fact, during a 2013 interview, when Jen was with Michael and Ben was with JLo, the duo was very openly flirtatious, so maybe ….

But now it appears that Garner has taken a step back, er, backwards, and has reconnected with Vartan and is “secretly hooking up” with him as he also deals with a broken marriage of his own

Well, I say, good for her, because at least Vartan isn’t the Garner-Affleck pool boy because schtupping the help is Ben’s area of expertise.

Okay … ALLEGEDLY.

Rumor has it that Susan Sarandon, who recently broke up with her table-tennis boy-toy, has set her sights on Jake Gyllenhaal.

B*tch! Jake is 32 years younger than Susan, who met him and smiled at him, and even kinda cuddled him, at the Southpaw premiere, which is what started all the rumors.

A source — and it could be Dina Lohan speaking to us from the bottom of a box of Chardonnay — says:

“The rumor is they’ve been hooking up on the down-low.”

Can’t we just say that Jake is on the down low? Can’t I just have that much?

There are always so many Kylie Jenner stories these days since she finally became of legal age … like the one that says Kylie is two months pregnant with Tyga’s baby, but they waited until she was 18 before telling anyone because, well, statutory rape.

But that’s apparently not a true tall tale, though what might be true is that now that Kylie is no longer jail bait, Tyga can actually appear on Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes and is set to make some $500,000 a year on the show.

It’s his romance with Kylie that has spurred the talk to get him on the show, and has spurred That Woman … That Mother … to invite him on their Bora Bora vacation.

It looks like Kylie is the one getting pimped out now that Kim is married for longer than a minute, and Khloe is busy with her lip injections and Kourtney is not yet divorced and Kendall doesn’t want to be a Kardastrophe.

Who else can That Woman pimp out?

Whatever happened to Mel Gibson? I mean, he was a huge movie star and everybody loved him until he got busted for a DUI and gave that epic anti-Semitic rant.

Then the confirmed Catholic divorced his wife to hook-up with his Baby Mama and that didn’t last. And so he made a couple of movies that went nowhere, and so, since his career has never been the same, what is Mel to do?

Mel, who is fifty-nine, is Australia right now with his 24-year-old girlfriend, Rosalind Ross, on a “working” vacation, though they mostly seemed to be out and about posing for the paparazzi. And that’s where Mel got ugly … again.

Mel and Rosalind were getting snapped by photographer Krista Miller when he went ape-shit, er, Mel-shit, and now Krista is telling the tale.

She took a picture of the couple on the street when Mel claimed she invaded his space and went off:

“I took a photo of Mel and his girlfriend and when I turned around he shoved my back really hard. It shocked me because I wasn’t expecting it. I don’t know if it was his hands or elbow. I thought he was going to punch me in the face. He was spitting in my face as he was yelling at me, calling me a dog, saying I’m not even a human being and I will go to hell. He swore and called me a c**t. It was non-stop, he didn’t even breathe.”

Finally he stopped after his 35-years-younger girlfriend told him to snap out of it.

Yeah, it takes a twenty-something to keep a nearly sixty-something Mel Gibson in line. I wonder if she’s more nanny than girlfriend?

Miller reported the incident to the police, who are investigating and hoping to find some camera footage of the incident. Meanwhile, Mel’s’ ‘people,’ and that may be just a bartender at his local pub, is saying that nothing happened; nothing at all.

Like his career?

Justin Bieber has a new song coming out and his representatives aren’t taking any chances that he’ll do something stupid and ruin the money train they’re all riding so they have scheduled no live interviews with the little brat.

Too bad they can’t so the same thing for his, um, singing?

Well, it looks like Terrence Howard’s ongoing personal drama — he is in the midst of divorcing his third wife, while still fighting the divorce settlement with Wife #2 — is affecting his role on FOX’s Empire.

Apparently Howard’s role on the show will be “scaled back” this season because of his ongoing courtroom battles and the resurfacing of domestic violence allegations.

At the end of last season, Howard’s character Lucious Lyon was arrested for murder, so maybe it’ll be easy to film without Howard.

A source — and it may be Cookie or it may be Boo Boo Kitty — says:

“What they are doing is two-fold. They have him locked up so you won’t be seeing him in as many scenes. But they are bringing in so many, and I mean so many, guest stars and cameos that the average viewer won’t realize it because there is so much going on.”

Guest stars like Mimi and Pitbull, Chris Rock, Ludacris, Alicia Keys, Lenny Kravitz and Marisa Tomei.

But that doesn’t matter to me because the best part of this — besides less Howard, an actor I find sleazy even when he’s not playing sleazy — is that Taraji P. Henson’s role as Cookie Lyon will be beefed up.

More Cookie is always good.

Well well well … look who’s back: Lindsay Lohan.

So, we know that Lindsay is now the European Unions’ problem, no? And we’re fine with that, yes?

She considers London to be her home, but has spent the summer partying on the continent, and recently attended a wedding in Florence where, as in typical I wanna be the star fashion, Lohan showed up in a long white gown with a tiara in her head.

Uh huh.

And while at the wedding Lohan also acted the fool, and since the rumors of her bad behavior broke, she is now claiming that “someone” drugged her at the wedding.

Sidenote: does anyone know it Cosby was in attendance?

Anyway, after being drugged [?] at the wedding, Lohan apparently went back to her villa at El Motel Sesso, and was running around naked saying she was drugged.

But that wasn’t all … during the actual ceremony Lohan ALLEGEDLY passed the time painting her nails. And then, at the reception, she fumed because someone took her picture, and began shrieking, in a British accent — wait, so she’s Madonna, now? — “Who took my photo?” and then commandeered the DJ booth so she could play Brandy’s ‘The Boy Is Mine’ over and over again.

Oh, and then she claimed that someone stole her jewelry while she partied, which is odd because usually it’s Lohan who cops the gems.

So, does anyone really believe that anyone other than Lohan drugged Lohan? Does anyone else wonder why you’d play ‘This Boy Is Mine’ at a wedding unless you were trying to send the bride a message … especially when you showed up wearing white?

God, how I have missed my Lohan!

It's Snarkurday!

Christine Ouzounian, the former nanny who worked Jen Garner while she … ALLEGEDLY … schtupped Jen’s husband, Ben Affleck and was fired, loves all the media attention she’s getting.

She gets photographed a lot — usually after she calls the paparazzi with her whereabouts — putting gas in her new Lexus and has actually called the police to help her get away from the horde of shutterbugs she summed to watch her walk to her car; and let’s not even talk about the two, oh wait, now it’s three, bikini photo shoots she’s done since being outed as The Other Woman.

So, in case y’all forget, it’s Ouzounian who is keeping the “Affleck slept with the nanny” story alive and her name in the tabloids though maybe she’s had some help from Ben who might have bought her that new car and might be for her stay at the Bel Air Hotel.

Except the hotel, via a source — and it ain’t Lohan because she can’t afford four-star accommodations — says Ben “did not cover the Bel-Air bill. You would not find his card there, plain and simple.”

Wait. So his card wasn’t there? Well, howsabout his cash? Howsabout, ALLEGEDLY, billing the nanny’s stay to his manager and then paying the manager off?

Uh huh.

Madonna has always been known as a type-A perfectionist … or a bitch. You decide. And now comes word that she’s bringing her C U Next Tuesday-ness to her Rebel Heart Tour and her crew has just about had it.

According to an insider:

“Madonna is a real piece of work. On Monday night, the dancers declared mutiny on Madonna because she is working them way too hard. One dancer even went so far as to take off his credentials, throw it in her face and say, ‘F*ck you. I quit!’ She had to call security to protect her and escort her remaining dancers out! On another occasion, one of her dancers broke her arm during rehearsals and instead of showing concern, Madonna had a nuclear meltdown.”

But it gets uglier:

“Everyone is required to wear black head-to-toe at all times and she has said, in her own words, that there are ‘no fat c*nts allowed in her presence.’”

So is she a perfectionist, or is she a bitch who’s so concerned about the flopitude of the album Rebel Heart that she’s gone nuts with rehearsals for her upcoming tour?

I think you know.

In July 2014, Sherri Shepherd’s lawyers filed paperwork in her then-ongoing divorce battle with her husband, Lamar Sally stating that she did not want any part of the child she and Lamar were expecting via a surrogate because she’s a Christian! Or something.

Sherri claimed that Lamar was using the baby in an attempt to defraud her into paying his way for life, through child support and she wasn’t having it … except now a judge has ruled that Sherri is the baby mama, and since she doesn’t want the baby, she’ll be paying child support to Lamar, unless she can prove fraud. But that’s impossible when you go back in time to read all the interviews she gave where she talked endlessly about wanting this baby.

It’s very clear that, now, she doesn’t want the child because she might have to actually pay for it and she’s more about the coins than the children.

But remember, she’s a Good Christian … like Josh Duggar is a Good Christian.

Sharon Stone has had a varied career: Basic Instinct, an Oscar nomination for Casino … and then there was Catwoman, Basic Instinct 2, Diabolique, Sliver, Intersection, Gloria, and Allan Quatermain. But still, given all those bombs, Stone is now saying the worst thing that ever happened to her was a role on Law & Order: SVU.

Quelle horrors. Whilst posing nude for “Harper’s Bazaar” Stone discussed her humiliation at being on Law & Order and says her career had hit rock bottom when she got that script, but she had to do it to make that money.

“That was humiliating. Having worked with the finest people in the industry, I was like, ‘Wow, I’m really at the back of the line here. I’m wearing L’eggs panty hose, and in makeup they start out by putting this white primer on my face.’ I’m like, ‘This is so bad. What did I do to deserve this?’ “

But, ever the trooper, Stone endured the show:

“I thought, ‘You know what? I got thrown off the bullet train, and now I’m going to have to crawl up a hill of broken glass, get back on the train that’s going a million miles an hour, and work my way from the cattle car up. That’s just the way it is, so I’d better get humble and shut the fuck up and do the job. Because if I can’t do this job, I’m certainly not going to be able to do anything else.’ “

And she did it! She suffered through the humiliation of being on a hit TV show when the movies stopped calling; she suffered through the indignation of L’Eggs pantyhose and is now back to posing nude in a magazine. She’s fought back, tooth and nail to find herself once again staring in a lead role in a multi-million-dollar Oscar-worthy film role as … wait, what?

Oh, this Fall Sharon Stone will be starring in a new show for TNT and as a spokesperson for Restylane.

Yeah, she’s back, baby!

From the It Pays To Be A Celebrity File:

I posted this story already, but here’s a recap and an update: Earlier this year at Sundance, actor Emile Hirsch was accused of assaulting Dani Bernfeld, a Paramount VP. He was ALLEGEDLY very drunk and very pissy when he began “aggressively picking on” Bernfeld, He began by shouting at her for being a “rich kid” and “so tough” and then put her in a headlock until she passed out, at which point he body slammed her to the ground.

Dani recovered; Emile was charged with felony assault; Emile checked himself into alcohol rehab. And then came the trial, and his punishment for attacking a woman and choking her into unconsciousness,

Hirsch was sentenced to 15 days in jail and must pay a $4,750 fine and do 50 hours of community service.

Naturally, Dani Bernfeld isn’t happy:

“This act of violence has greater implications than the physical injuries I sustained. The long-lasting effects of this assault will remain with me. Mr. Hirsch’s plea, however, provides that in 90 days his case will be dismissed without record. There is no assurance that he will serve any of the 15 days of jail time associated with his plea. Quite simply, this punishment does not fit the crime. While I appreciate that the court is trying to send a message to Mr. Hirsch, the message to him and those who may follow needs to be louder and stronger.”

But, hey, he’s an actor, right?

Speaking of spoiled self-indulgent entitled celebrities: Jason Derulo.

Who? Yeah. The 25-year-old singer and his posse were kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight Saturday, after he and his bodyguard got into a verbal spat with an airline employee before boarding the jet.

It all began when Derulo’s team requested an escort, and preferred boarding, and were denied and they believed they were being treated unfairly because, you know, Jason Derulo.

Who? I said. When Derulo’s team voiced their concerns rather rudely and loudly they were told they could not fly but then proceeded to the plane anyway. At that point the Southwest agent called the authorities and removed them. Derulo and company opted to fly private, and  then he offered up his side of the story.

According to Jason’s rep, TSA precheck was down and Derulo and company were in too much of a hurry to do what every single other passenger boarding the plane was doing because, Jason Derulo.

Who? Wait. So, when told they had to wait, “someone” in the group said “bullshit” and the group was bounced.

Um, lemme see …. You say “bullshit” in an airport and you can’t board a plane? Uh huh.  I’d be on a no-fly list permanently.

So, Alec Baldwin hasn’t beat up a paparazzi lately, or had a meltdown on the street so maybe he’s settled down? Or, and this is probably more apt, maybe he’s too busy working to pay for the five nannies his wife Hilaria hired to take care of their two children.

Now, to be fair, maybe the Baldwin’s are both too busy with work that they need these five extra people to care for their children, and, well, they can no doubt afford, but when Hilaria Instagrammed a thank you to the Five Nannies — Lizzy, Sandra, Zena, Lisa and Avril — it created a social media storm requiring an explanation.

Hilaria posted her answer to Instagram and want y’all to know that not all five women are nannies … some are “babysitters.”

Oh ….

While divorcing his third wife, Terence Howard is also still in the middle of divorcing his second wife, Michelle Ghent and it is still all kinds of ugly.

At a hearing last week new testimony ran the gamut from suicide threats to drug use to blackmail to the, wait, what, Holocaust when Howard compared of giving in to ALLEGED blackmail threats from Ghent to  “the Jews giving in to the Germans [and going] to Auschwitz.”

Yup, the holocaust. And then to make matters worse, Howard continually interrupted the judge, often shrieking at him that the hearing was an “ambush” until the judge, and it should’a been Judy, told him to “learn some restraint.”

Howard talked about he and Ghent’s drug use — weed, coke and ecstasy — as the “only times [we were happy]” and talked of the threesome he and his wife had, and the time his wife had to Mace him and his family during a vacation.

Lovely, no? And then Ghent brought out the recordings and texts Howard sent her:

“I’m sitting here at lunch hoping you’ll call … every minute of every day I feel like putting an end to this miserable existence … every lie I’ve told to you are equal in my mind to putting bullets into a clip and firing them at my future. … I am devastated by my stupidity.”

 “I couldn’t do anything but sit there [looking] at a f—ing razor blade … I just wanted to die … I’ll look for you in my next lifetime.”

“So if you are planning on living without me, you should have someone put me out of my misery.”

And when that didn’t work, he went all Boiling The Bunny on Ghent:

“I will never allow another man to be with you. Whoever tried to take my life will lose his existence.”

“I will never allow a restraining order or anything to keep me from my wife.”

And then he claimed to be in fear of his wife:

“I loved her and was also afraid of her. Love is a very complicated thing. … I was in love with the person who [was holding me] captive.”

Wait. Isn’t that from an Empire episode?

Howard also admitted to Ghent that he would leave his now third ex-wife Mira Pak if Ghent would only come back to him — Howard and Pak married after dating for four weeks, had a kid and are now divorcing.

Yup, only in Hollywood can you still be fighting with your second ex-wife in divorce court while being sued for divorce from your third ex-wife.

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I’m loving the new Fox show, Empire — some critics say it’s the best new show of the year though I won’t go that far — mainly because of Taraji P. Henson who plays Cookie, and plays her fiercely. The downside of Empire? That pile of smug, Terrence Howard, a misogynistic douchebag who has been accused of assaulting women at least six time … that we know about … because he’s kind of Bill Cosby Lite., you know.

Out to promote his show, Terrence wants you to know that he’s a good guy, who was only a douche because he was frustrated as a child because he didn’t know who he was, and that he stopped abusing women last year, after marrying for the fourth time:

“A lot of things that I got involved with in younger days, in the earlier days was the product of my environment. [It was] the product of not knowing how to deal with frustration, the product of not knowing who Terrence Howard is. Now I’m married with a new wife, with a brand new baby. I’ve grown so much from anything that’s happened in the past.”

Let’s dish: Howard’s record of ALLEGEDLY assaulting women dates back to 2000 when he was accused of grabbing and shoving a flight attendant during a flight — he was also accused of assault in 2001, 2005, 2011, and 2012 — and then runs right on through to 2013 when his ex-wife ALLEGED that he “knocked her down” and kicked her in the head.

Howard admitted to some of the assaults when questioned by the police, and has taken plea deals in some situations, and in others, the charges were dropped after being “settled in civil court” AKA payoff court.

So, it’s not really in the past is it? Nor is it anything to forget.

What’s this? Lindsay Lohan got a job? In America?

Lohan is currently shooting a commercial for the Allstate’s online brother, Esurance to air during the Super Bowl.

Seriously, Lohan, who’s been in more accidents than I have fingers, is doing a commercial for car insurance? I mean, how many people has she run over and how many cars has she ruined?

You can’t make this stuff up.

Okay, so it’s no secret that Bruce Jenner no longer looks like Bruce Jenner, Olympian, but looks more like, and I’ll say it, Brenda Jenner; but that’s his business and his life and his face and his Adam’s apple and hair and fingernail polish.

But InTouch Weekly stooped to new low recently by superimposing Bruce’s face onto Stephanie Beacham‘s body and adding full makeup in what most rational folks are seeing an attempt to “out” him as transgender. And, let’s remember that Bruce has never spoken about his new look, er looks, publicly so there is no actual factual truth to the story.

In any case, Bruce isn’t the one who’s angry about the story, no, that falls to That Woman, his ex-wife, because the world revolves around her. She is reportedly so incensed over the story that she has had a meltdown — though you cannot tell by her face which has seen more upgrades and injectibles than Bruce’s — and says she will no longer sell give stories to In Touch; oh, and she did not, oh no she did not, give them this story at all.

A source — and it’s Khloe because, well, what else does she have to do besides Instagram her newly thinned waistline all over town — says, “Kris has cut off contact with In Touch, Life & Style and all Bauer publications. They won’t get any ‘real’ quotes from the family, and will be banned from Kardashian-Jenner red carpets, events, premieres and fashion events.”

Until Kris has something to shill, like her ALLEGED upcoming Playboy spread.

Spread. Ew.

In keeping up with the Bruce Transformation Theme … it appears he might just be ready to talk about his new look, but only if it’s done on, wait for it, it’s so predictable, on the 10th season of Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes.

A source — Khloe … yawn — says:

“Bruce and Kris address his changing appearance in a scene they shot together. It will be a plotline.”

Um, if you call it a “plotline” are you finally admitting this is not a “reality” show?

Anyway, you can be sure this “conversation” will be drawn out for an entire season of Kardastrophe until Bruce says he changed his appearance because, well, he wanted to do it … to distance himself once and for all from those famewhores.

Now onto another Kardastrophe, Kanye West Kardastrophe.

He’s talking about the time he was racially profiled by the police … arrested and charged with stealing printers from an OfficeMax back in 2000 … because of his braids.

The story is back now because Kanye was deposed in the case filed against him by a photographer whom Kanye assaulted. In the deposition, Kayne admits to being convicted of a felony and says it was because he was “racially profiled for having a white T-shirt and braids.”

But Kanye gets loose when the details — admitting he was arrested — and doesn’t say where he was when the arrest came down; he does say, of course, that he was already a successful music producer. He also adds that the police doctored evidence to frame him, saying, “I was driving a white Ford Expedition. When I saw the police report, they crossed out where it said ‘Cream Ford Explorer.’”

Cream. White. Oy Kanye, that shrieks conspiracy.

Kanye believes he was convicted of a felony but says it was actually “a mistaken identity for stealing some printers from OfficeMax after I was a platinum producer.”

Maybe he was arrested because his music was so bad, too?

Maybe you never saw it, it was on TV for a hot minute, but LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian‘s reality show has been canceled.

I know! I mean, the couple created the show to dispel rumors about their marriage and how they got together, but apparently no one cared.

Or, everyone knows how they got together: they cheated on their spouses and then dumped the spouses and married one another until such time as one or the other cheats again and that marriage will end and they will each go on to star in another reality show that will be canceled because …

… no one cares about Eddie and LeAnn.

Meanwhile, back at Lohan …

You remember that Lindsay recently completed a not-so-horrific run in Speed-the-Plow in London’s West End and so she’s feeling like a ‘real’ actress again, especially since rumor has it that Oprah wants to capitalize on crazy again and get Lohan a job on Broadway.

My first thought was as an usher but does anyone think Lohan could find a seat in a theater? I mean, there are numbers and letters involved and counting and the alphabet are not her strong suits. But, an insider — possibly Oprah’s husband Gayle — says:

“Oprah bought the rights to several books that she wants to produce for the stage, and Lindsay is begging to be cast in one [but] if that doesn’t work out, she’s hoping Oprah can get her an audition for something like ‘Cabaret.’”

Can you imagine Lindsay Lohan on Broadway? I can’t, not since Giuliani ran the hookers off of 42nd Street!

At a Chris Brown concert you’re just as likely to see him grab his crotch and rap incoherently as get shot.

Truly. Five people were shot at his latest show in San Jose, and now it appears that the judge in charge of Chrissy’s probation isn’t feeling him performing any more. Plus, since Chris went to San Jose without consent of the court, Judge James Brandlin revoked his probation and ordered a further report and hearing on the singer’s status.

A district attorney’s spokesman says Brown specifically violated a provision that forbids him to leave Los Angeles County because he’s still on probation for RihannaGate and still has 200 hours of community service to complete; Two-hundred hours … even if he worked his community service hours off to the tune of fifteen hours a day, he’d barely complete them before his next court date.

Chris Brown is a complete asshat; I mean, he knew he couldn’t leave LA County without permission but feels like the law doesn’t apply to him. I hope the judge tosses his ass back in jail where, when he performs in Cellblock Idol no one will get shot.

In a bit of a Throwback, let’s talk Jason Priestly, known mostly for — okay, known only for — being on 90210 back in the day.

Priestly apparently wrote his memoirs last year because … I don’t know why … and while trying to scare up some interest in them, told a tale of how, while on Beverly Hills 90210, he was on his way to a PR event with Shannon “Crazy” Doherty in a town Car and claims that she bitched at the publicist for not sending a limo to pick her up.

Oooh drama. At least it must have been drama to Shannon — who also has nothing but time on her hands — because  she was just on the Sirius XM show “Just Jenny” — no, not McCarthy thank god — and says Priestly lied about the story because, get this, she hates limos, and he has brain damage … or something:

“I love Jason, but you know he had a car accident, a while ago, a racing accident, and I think maybe parts of his memory got altered from that. Because you know, I’ve addressed this before, everybody changes … they have their own perception of the truth. And his is definitely different than mine. Cause … supposedly I wanted a limo and I’ve always hated limos my entire life. … I just know that at some point, everybody just needs to sell a book, right?”

Lord, two has-beens fighting over a story about a car from 1990? It’s a slow week for gossip.

Taylor Swift is an angel and everyone’s mean to her. I mean, how dare Jake Gyllenhaal show up at a Golden Globes after-party when she was planning on being there, too? She was forced to grab her Gaggle of Besties and head off for the ladies room to bitch and kvetch and cry about her ex :::gasp::: dancing with other girls.

But, it turns out Little TayTay isn’t all Sugar and Spice and inane lyrics and victim of bad boy choices, because, according to Star — hey, sometimes they get it right —she became the Globes Bad Girl by pressuring her BFF, 18-year-old high school friend, Lorde to have a drink at the ball.

A source says Taylor was drinking a rum and coke, but decided to switch to wine and so she started “feeding her rum and coke to Lorde.” Tay Tay apparently told Lorde she didn’t have to drink if she didn’t want to, but kept saying “rum is so good!” and “you’ll feel pretty” and “boys will like you.”

Who knew Taylor was really Rizzo and not Sandy?

So, last week a photo appeared online of John Travolta creeping up on a guy at 3AM in an LA gym; it was creepy because, well, Travolta, gym, massage, ick, and because it’s one of the rare times Travolta’s been photographed without that muskrat on his head.

Now, though, the guy who was creeped up on — one Justin Jones, a married stepfather of two children — has given an interview to The National Enquirer about the incident:

 “I was completely aware of what was happening. He just walks right up to me and introduces himself – ‘Hi, I’m John.’ He asked what I do for a living, if I was married, if I have kids, and what do I do with my spare time. … I understood what was happening when it was happening – it was in his body language. It didn’t make me uncomfortable, but I noticed it.”

It would make me uncomfortable, unless I was in a HazMat suit with a spray bottle of bleach in my hand.

For his part, Travolta explained that he goes to the gym at 3AM to work out because … he … has … kids.

Um, okay?