Well, They Look ALMOST Identical

Of note … on the left is Chris Hemsworth, who stands 6’3” and weighs in 215 pounds, while on the right we have Inmate # P01135809 who also stands 6’3” and also weighs in at 215 pounds.

I think the Inmate needs to be charged with falsifying a legal document … cuz this is another Big Lie!

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I like actress Laura Dern; I do. But does anyone other than actress Laura Dern really think she’s having a thing with Bradley Cooper because she’s the only one talking about it.

It seems that Dern and My-Husband-In-My-Head Bradley Cooper—not to be confused with My-Husband-In-My-Head Anderson Cooper—were spotted having lunch together in June and Dern comes out in late September to say there’s nothing to it, they’re just friends …blah blah blah.

No need to explain, Laura, we already guessed that.

photo

On the heels of the Miley Cyrus-Liam Hemsworth breakup comes the news that Lindsay Lohan is somehow involved. I mean, only in her own utterly empty head, but still, she is talking about it.

As the lovebirds announced they were finished, Lohan took to Instagram to lament that none of the brothers Hemsworth ever vied for her attention.

Note to Lindsay: men don’t “vie” for your attention; they call your pimp, give over a credit card number, and then send a car for you.

Okurrrrrr?

PS I don’t think a Hemsworth would ever want to wade in the STD pond that is Lindsay Lohan.

photo 1 photo 2

I used to find actor Tom Hiddleston absolutely delicious, but then he hooked up with Taylor Swift and I suddenly realized he was an empty-headed famewhore.

But that’s just me; apparently one woman who paid to see Hiddleston in Broadway’s Betrayal, was so overcome with lust for Hiddleston that she up, well, as Erika Jayne once famously screeched, “patted the puss” right there in the theater.

Twice! And when the show was over this Diddling Donna ALLEGEDLY applauded like a wild woman causing one theatergoer to post about the show:

“The show was really wonderful and the cast first-rate. But you might want to avoid seat B-3.”

Note taken.

photo

Wendy Williams, who has had one Hell of a year between denying about her husband cheating, admitting her husband was cheating, denying about her husband having a child with his mistress, admitting her husband had a child with his mistress, denying she was divorcing her husband, admitting she was divorcing her husband, denying she was having a substance abuse relapse, admitting she was living in a  sober house because she had a substance abuse relapse, is now pointing out other liars.

Pot.Kettle.Black. And while the chance that all this messiness would cause Williams to lose her show, it was renewed and she’s back, spilling the tea, stirring the pot and tossing the shade … at Christie Brinkley. Williams claims that Christie, who was set to appear on this season’s Dancing With The Has-Beens until she fell and “broke” her wrist in a fall, is faking the whole thing to get her daughter, Sailor Brinkley-Cook, a shot at some publicity:

“Well, that looked fake as hell … Let me tell you what I see. I don’t see a wrist and a shoulder being fractured. But that was real cute. Here’s my thought: Dancing with the Stars called Christie Brinkley … and she said yes. After she got off the phone, that’s when she plotted her schedule. … knowing that she’d put her daughter Sailor in there.”

Wendy? Hon? Why don’t you try telling the truth about yourself, before demanding the same of others? Plus, you know, you made Christie Brinkley cry and sob and weep … over Wendy Williams gossip.

Girl please. You both need to take a seat.

photo

Back in 2017 Kevin Hart revealed to the world that he was a cheating dirtbag. Now, he didn’t reveal this truth because his conscience was bothering, but because his jump-off apparently had video of Little Kevin and Littler Kevin.

Now his mistress, Montia Sabbag, claimed at the time she had no involvement in the “film”—though a film of Montia doing the nasty with her neighbor wouldn’t sell as much as Montia doing Little Kevin—now she is claiming that Kevin himself is one of the orchestrators of this sex tape scandal.

And so, she’s suing him for $60 million.

And she may have a case because one of Hart’s best friends, one JT Jackson, was arrested for extortion and charged because of this hidden camera sex tape, and Montia thinks Kevin was in on it because he had a tour coming up and the idea of people seeing Montia and Kevin do the deed in grainy video footage would help ticket sales. Seriously.

Even if it still begs the question: who is Montia Sabbag and why would anyone want to watch her have sex with anyone … including Kevin Hart?

photo

Remember when Jose Canseco claimed in his 2008 autobiography Vindicated that Madonna had ALLEGEDLY wanted him to be her sperm donor?

First off, Jose Canseco? Ick.

Well, now, another dreamboat from Madge’s past is saying he was be her Baby Daddy—in Sperm only—and he is none other than … Dennis Rodman. But while Jose seemed to be in it just because he could nail Madonna, Rodman says Madge offered up significant coins for his junk. Rodman is ALLEGING that Madonna called him up, out of the blue, announced she was ovulating, and said:

“Dennis, you know that I’m ovulating.”

And then he says she sent a private jet to pick him up in Las Vegas, and bring him back to her New York City manse where, before they did the deed, she said if she got pregnant, she’d pay him $20 million.

So, they banged, cleaned up, and he was back on the plane to Vegas. And we all know that Madonna didn’t get pregnant with Rodman’s baby, so he never got that 20 mil. But he does have that story to tell, and another one …

Rodman has also ALLEGED Madge made a similar deal with Carlos Leon—who fathered her daughter Lourdes—though he has no facts, just his flapping lips. But he has a book to sell, so …

Still, it begs the question, if you sleep with Rodman for $20,000,000, where are you gonna get the coins for your follow-up treatments.

STDs ain’t cheap, y’all.

photo

.Bobservations

So, a while ago, say maybe a year or more, I backed into our garage door while it was either going up as I intended it to do, or coming down of its own volition. I shattered the back window of the car and bent the bottom frame of the door; but it still worked, so we let it go. Then, last fall I noticed the wood was splitting along the minor dent in the frame; yes, it was a wooden door and one heavy mother**ker as I learned every time we lost power and I had to take the car out.

We contacted a company about a new door, and they came out and gave us our options: it was to be black like the old door, but with four windows along the top, and double steel insulated; we chose it, ordered it, and this past Monday it was to be installed. With Carlos out of work, he was staying home while the workers took the old door down and installed new rails and pullies and the door. I went back to the office and was playing on the computer when Carlos came in …

“I think we have a problem with the door.”

“What?”

“It’s white.”

“White? We ordered black. It’s on the contract.”

“It’s white.”

Carlos left the room to ‘check on it’ and I took out the contract to show that we’d ordered a black door and then went out to the garage. As I opened the door, I looked down on the floor at the sections of new door and smiled …right at the time one of the installers said to Carlos…

“That’s the inside.”

Bless his heart. I quietly closed the door and went back to office. He came back a few minutes later to tell me that it was, in fact, a black door.

While the Catholic Church has done next to nothing about its pedophile situation, their parishioners are doing something: leaving. More than a third of all Catholics—up from 22% a few years ago—say that priests raping children and the church doing nothing about it has led them to question leaving the faith.

Pope Frankie better do something. Since the Church is all about protecting their coins, however will they make more if parishioners walk out? And with no new coins, how will the Church pay off the 1,000’s of victims of child-raping priests?

For the first time in history, an openly gay man will participate in a Democratic presidential debate after South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg, with husband Chasten Glezman, reached the 65,000 individual donor goal which qualifies him to be invited to the first debate of 12 planned by the DNC before the 2020 election.

I don’t think Pete will win the nomination, but he’s given the LGBTQ community its first place at the debates.

Bravo.

Republican Congressman Andrew McDaniel of Missouri wants to require … require … adults in his state to purchase handguns and AR-15 rifles and has introduced two bills toward that end:

The McDaniel Second Amendment Act, would require Missouri residents aged 21 or older to purchase a handgun, and would allot up to $1 million per year in tax credits for residents who purchased weapons, while the McDaniel Militia Act would require Missouri residents aged 18 to 35 to purchase an AR-15 and provide a tax credit of up to $1 million per year to incentivize the purchase of weapons.  

What the ever-loving-fuckery is going on in Missouri?

Instead of saying, "now is not the time to talk about gun violence," or offering "thoughts and prayers," New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern promised action. In response to the horrific terror attacks that left 50 people dead, and more than 40 hospitalized, Ardern, wearing a traditional Muslim headscarf as a "a sign of respect" said:

"I can tell you one thing right now. Our gun laws will change. I want to speak specifically about the firearms used in this terrorist act. I’m advised that there were five guns used by the primary perpetrator. There were two semi-automatic weapons, and two shotguns. The offender was in possession of a gun license. There have been attempts to change our laws in 2005, 2012 and after an inquiry in 2017. Now is the time for change."

No thoughts. No prayers. Gun control. It really can be that simple in a country that values human life more than the coins thrown at politicians by the NRA.

I'm just gonna say that if Chris Hemsworth ever got down on all fours and arched his back like that just to muzzle my nose … I.Would.Die.

This week _____ mocked the idea of focusing on wind or solar power:

“Put the windmills up and watch the value of your house if you’re in sight of a windmill—watch the value of your house go down by 65%. Wonderful to have windmills. And solar’s wonderful too, but it’s not strong enough, and it’s very very expensive.”

And apparently, if the wind doesn’t blow you can’t watch TV or even run a toaster … according to the stable genius.

A second Carlos story, though maybe it’s more about my Dad and where I get my sense of humor.

We had just finished dinner and I asked Carlos if he minded if I called my Dad:

“And tell him what a loser your husband is?”

“No! He already knows what a loser you are.”

Then I explained to Carlos that lots of people lose their jobs—I have—and if that makes you a loser then we’re all losers. Anyway, I called my Dad and told him Carlos was out of work and that he had called himself a loser. My Dad said:

“Tell him I already knew that!”

I nearly choked, but then my Dad also said to tell Carlos that he’d lost a job before, so my Dad would be Loser 1 while Carlos could be Loser 3, after me.

I used to cringe when I was younger and people would say, ‘You’re just like your Dad,' but now I get it. And I like it.

Spring TV has sprung and there are a few new shows and a few Hot Men to take your mind off the fact that your husband’s out of work … I kid.

First up is Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, of the sexy accent, who plays an OJ Simpson type on a new show called The Fix, created by Simpson prosecutor Marcia Clark; she says it’s not based on OJ but ….

On another show about lawyers called For the People, Charles Michael Davis plays DA investigator Ted; as I said to Carlos while watching one night, “I really think Ted would investigate better without a shirt.”

Lastly, hottie Daren Kagasoff stars as Gabe on what appears to be a This Is Us knockoff called The Village. I wished he lived in my village is all I’m sayin’.

I Didn't Say It ... Giving Thanks Edition

Chris Hemsworth, on passing the 'Sexiest Man Alive' baton on to David Beckham: 

“Although I knew for the last 12 months this day would come, it still hurts. As I fade into my weathered wrinkled exterior, I hope my time will be remembered then forgotten then forgotten some more (insert crying music). P.S. It’s what’s on the inside that counts. P.P.S. David Beckham is so dreamy and has cool tats.”

On this day after Thanksgiving, I am thankful that Chris Hemsworth is around to be my Sexiest Man Alive every year, and that he's secure enough in himself to call Beckham 'dreamy.'

Chris is the dreamy one.

[photo]

Jenny McCarthy, on Charlie Sheen’s HIV+ reveal: 

“Playing even his love interest on the show, back in the day, I go, ‘Ick! That’s not fair. It’s scary.’ I have sympathy for him because, you know, he’s sick and it’s awful, but man, he’s going to have to take some major accountability with many people in his life.”

And, still giving thanks, I am thankful that most people have a brain that fully functions and don't act so foolishly when it comes to HIV.

You’re an idiot, Jenny. Vaccines. HIV. You’re an idiot.

[photo]

Chloë Grace Moretz, actress, on her family and her two gay brothers Trevor and Colin:

“To see my brothers struggle with the anxiety of having to come out was awful.  … People would call them the F-word, and I would get so angry. It was really hard to see my brothers be hated on or bullied, so I stood up for them. We shouldn’t be using these terms to create more labels and segregate us further apart than we already are…Back when my mom was in college, when things were more taboo, she had lots of gay and trans friends, people of all shapes, sizes, and colors. So we were a very open household. My mom tells us people asked her, ‘Why are you letting your son run around in a pink Power Ranger costume?’ Her answer was: ‘Because he wants to wear it, and it makes him smile. Why would I take that away from him?’”

And I am thankful that there are sisters, and families, like this one in the world.

[photo]

Lily Tomlin, on why she waited to come out to her mother:

“The one reason I didn’t come out more fully, really, is because I knew it would hurt my mother. She was so southern, so Methodist, she believed so much in Jesus … My mother was pretty traditional. Most of my relatives? Same thing. That generation would be horrified, 20, 30 years ago, if I’d announced it to them. So I never did.”

And I am thankful that times have changed, and parents, even southern parents, have decided to love their children, no matter what their orientation.

[photo]

Mike Rawlings, Dallas Mayor, on how ISIS is no more Islamic than the Nazi’s were Christian:

“I am more fearful of large gatherings of white men that come into schools, theaters and shoot people up, but we don’t isolate young white men on this issue.”

And, lastly, still giving thanks, I am thankful that there are politicians who aren’t afraid to call out hypocrisy, and to call out the NRA, and call out this country’s love of guns and gun nuts.

[photo]

It's Snarkurday!

Filed Under ‘We Already Knew This’: Chris Hemsworth is in that new Vacation movie, which is the same as the old Vacation movie except this one takes place in 2015. That’s the bad news.

The good news? In Chris’ scenes he walks around in his underwear, bearing a massive, er, VPL — Visible Penis Line — albeit with a fake, um, penis, and that’s where the ‘We Already Knew This’ comes in because Chris was too big and brawny for the 8-inch model so they upped him to the 10-incher.

It may be just a knock-off of a decades old movie but, yeah, I may shell out some dough to see some Hemsworth package.

But, again, you already knew that.

Naomi Campbell, who never had an assistant she didn’t hurl a phone at, or saw paparazzi she didn’t try to beat down, received a six-month suspended sentence for injuring paparazzo Gaetano Di Giovanni in August of 2009.

It seems that Campbell and her then boyfriend Vladimir Doronin were sight-seeing on the Sicilian island of Lipari when Giovanni snapped a few pictures and Campbell bashed him in the face with her handbag — apparently it was getting costly to replace all those Face Bashing iPhones.

But the best part is this; in court, Di Giovanni told the judge:

“I had just started taking some shots of her and I did not expect such a violent reaction.”

Naomi should have been found not guilty just for that because everyone knows you don’t rub Campbell the wrong way, with words or pictures, if you aren’t prepared for a bruising.

Been there, still have the scars.

Apparently singer Drake and someone called Meek Mill — which sounds more like a place than a person — are feuding because Meek accused Drake of using ghostwriters and Drake said that Meek needs to change his occupation title to “Nicki Minaj’s coattail surfer.”

I’d say Drake won that round. But then he upped the ante by releasing not one, but two ‘diss tracks’ about the feud, and Meek responded with a ‘diss track’ of his own, in which he claims Drake once took a Golden Shower at a movie theater once:

“You let Tip homie piss on you in a movie theater, nigga, we ain’t forget. “

And, icky as it sounds, it may have actually happened, See, back in 2010, Drake went to a private screening of Takers and he got into a spat over some seats. Now, Drake and his spat-partner were all kinds of drunk at the time, and so the spat-partner pulled out his penis — is there a running theme to this week’s Snarkurday? — and peed on Drake.

Yup. Now, some other folks say the spat-partner peed in the aisle — because that’s what grownups do — and some of it splashed on Drake who didn’t notice. But to that I say, "Don’t pee on my leg and have someone write a song about it."

Or something.

The entire country of Brazil is annoyed with hometown girl Gisele Bundchen for getting a boob job … well, not because she got one, but because she hid under a burqa to get it and has spent years saying she would never get plastic surgery.

But she’s married to Tom, Brady so maybe her original breasts deflated and he demanded she get new one.

For years, Bundchen said she was against surgical enhancements, insisting she maintained her beauty through healthy living, using Twitter and Instagram to show her doing yoga and hiking with her kids and eating fresh fruit and vegetables.

And after returning from the surgeon’s office, she again posted a photo of herself doing yoga, without a comment on what it sure to be forever known as InflateGate.

Her last name by be Jenner but she’s a Kardastrophe from her bubble-butt lips to her ever-expanding ass, and she wants you to get that way, too.

Kylie Jenner has taken to social media to shill PureLeef, a new “natural” butt-enhancing product line to help women enhance, slim and shape their bodies, er butts.

It’s funny, and oh so Kardastrophe like, that Kylie expects anyone to believe that her lips and boobs and ass are now plump and lovely because she used a cream on them.

The only creams she’s ever applied to her body are the creams her plastic surgeon suggests after her fillers and Botox because, at seventeen, she really needs that stuff.

Okay, so Paltrow is a huge Democrat and contributes to many Democratic candidates; I’ll give her props for that.

But bigger than her contributions is her ego … Paltrow supported President Obama during both of his successful campaigns, and now she wants to back Hillary, except Hillary apparently isn’t having it.

A source — and it can’t be Dina or Lindsay because I don’t think either of them is allowed within 200 yards of Goop or Hillary — says:

“Hillary does not like how Gwyneth tried to turn the last fundraiser at her home into a Paltrow production and [Hillary has] blatantly refused Gwyneth’s offer to assist. Hillary had her people tell Gwyneth ‘thanks, but no thanks.’ Hillary absolutely loathes everything that Gwyneth stands for, and although she is trying to win the vote of the Hollywood community, she has standards on who she allows to be involved in her campaign.”

The source claims that Gwyneth “thinks she is the guru of these things since she hosted the fundraiser for President Obama last year” which makes complete sense because Goop thinks she knows everything about everything … except Hillary, I’m guessing.

Makes me wanna vote Clinton all the more.

A couple of months ago, when former — she’s since been, um, ‘let go’ — Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star, Kim Richards, slipped out of rehab so she could go to her daughter’s wedding in Mexico and get all drunk and stuff, I predicted that Richards was the OL … Original Lohan.

I mean, she’s done rehab more than once, like Lohan, and skipped out on programs, like Lohan, and now, well, she’s been arrested for shoplifting, like Lohan.

Although, to be fair, Lindsay Lohan was accused to stealing a $2,000 necklace, while Kim was nabbed stealing $600 worth of Pringles and Onion Dip at Target. I kid about the Pringles, but she did walk out without paying for a shopping cart filled with $600 worth of merchandise.

Her bail was set at $5,000, and, if she continues on her path, I’m assuming she’s making a phone call to Lohan’s lawyer Shawn Holley right about now.

Ben and Jen … Poof. Reba and Narvel … Poof. Gwen and Gavin … Poof. Kermit and Miss Piggy … Poof.

Will and Jada? Again? Rumors have been running rampant for the entirety of their seventeen year marriage that this whole this was a heavily bearded sham of a union. And whenever the rumors flew, Will and/or Jada would give an interview declaring their love the greatest of all and spewing their “divorce is not an option” mantra and kinda hinting that they have an open marriage as long as they come home to one another every so often.

But this week when the rumors flared up again, Little Willie wasn’t having it, and so he posted this to Facebook because, well, I don’t know:

“Under normal circumstances, I don’t usually respond to foolishness. (Because it’s contagious) But, so many people have extended me their “deepest condolences” that I figured – “What the hell… I can be foolish, too!”

So, in the interest of redundant, repetitious, over & over-again-ness… Jada and I are… NOT GETTING A DIVORCE!!!!!!!!!!!!! : -)

I promise you all – if I ever decide to divorce my Queen – I SWEAR I’ll tell you myself!”

I say, Who cares?

I also say it was quite odd that Jada also posted to Facebook:

“I promise you all – if I ever decide to divorce my Queen – I SWEAR I’ll tell you myself!”

Okay, maybe she didn’t, but wouldn’t that have been a great post?

I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Paris Hilton is still around, and apparently still buying tiny animals. See, back in September she paid some $13,000 for a Pomeranian puppy that will never weigh more than 2 pounds that she named Prince Hilton the Pom.

But he’s now at full-weight, so Paris needed a new tiny animal to carry around, not like a living thing, but like an accessory … a ring … a coke spoon … something, so she purchased two more dogs — one for her and one for her mom — for $25,000, and named her dog, Princess Paris Jr.

Ritzy name for a tiny dog that will probably be used as some kind of drug mule.

Note to Paris: I bet you could buy a nice dog for, oh say, $500 and then give $24,500 to charity? That thought ever cross your min — oh, never mind.

After The Sony Hack revealed the ugly truth about unequal pay for women in Hollywood, Charlize Theron decided enough was enough, and is insisting that she be paid the same as Chris Hemsworth in their upcoming movie, “The Huntsman” the sequel to Snow White and The Huntsman—which, I guess means Kristen Stewart, who played … and this makes me giggle … Snow White, won’t be back … halleloo!

Back to Charlize, who demanded the same ten million as Chris, saying she has a great track record. Um, okay, did anyone mention Aeon Flux or A Million Ways to Die in the West or Prometheus or Young Adult or Brandon Flowers: Crossfire or Astro Boy or The Road or The Burning Plain or Hancock or Sleepwalking or Battle in Seattle or North Country or Head in the Clouds or The Life and Death of Peter Sellers?

Great track record? Charlize, honey, who are you kidding. I’d pay ten million to see Chris Hemsworth walk across my living room in a fig leaf, but I wouldn’t pay ten bucks to see you ‘act.’

Just sayin’.

Oh goodness, that Kim Kardastrophe never fails to make everything about her.

Last week she and the Mad Man were finally together for a weekend in the Big Apple and celebrated John Legend’s birthday with him.

This picture is how Kim wished her friend a happy birthday: by placing her augmented boobs front and center and shoving the birthday boy to one side where he was almost cropped out.

Big ass, Big Head.

Swifty was at the Globes this week because, well, there are men there and she needs a new boyfriend and some material for new songs, so she wriggled into a gown and off she went.

And she hit the after-parties with new BFF Lorde. But one person she wasn’t counting on seeing … right, Taylor … was Golden Globe nominee and her ex-boyfriend, he of the classic Swifty tune, You’re No Jake, You’re A Rake Who Breaks My Heart, Jake Gyllenhaal.

And Swifty apparently had a meltdown because Jake was in the same room, and was dancing with Rita Ora and then with actress … I dunno who she is … Malin Akerman, then his sister, and then his co-star in Constellations on Broadway, Ruth Wilson.

This apparently sent Swifty into a spiral and an eyewitness — perhaps Lohan, drunk under a bar or something — said, “I saw her grab her friend’s hand and repeat, ‘We have to go. We have to go.’”

The source says Swifty scurried off to the bathroom, where she ran into BFFs Cara Delevingne, Dakota Johnson, and … oopsy … Rita Ora:

“The four girls were together and Taylor was having a mini meltdown. Cara’s arm was around Taylor, calming her down as Rita looked on. They were talking extremely closely.”

She left the bathroom and wandered around the lobby for a hot minute — her makeup smudged — before she and Cara sat on a bench out front.

Oh Swifty? Didn’t you date Jake about ten years ago? I mean, he might have seen you and wondered who you were and why they let an underage girl into the party.

But at least you’ll have something to write in your diary, and a new song to pop out like a bad case of diarrhea.

So, Kirstie Alley is thin again, y’all and has been making the rounds to promote Jenny Craig … again. She went on Howard Stern’s show and talked Jenny … and a lot of stuff jenny may not have wanted her to talk about.

:::cough Scientology ::: cough ::: Leah Remini :::: cough :::

She declared that she is now something called an OT Level VII Scientologist which means no one audits Kirstie, Kirstie audits herself; and also meaning she’s nearly as high-up as Top Tiny Scientologist Tom Cruise, who is at Level VIII. I think Level VII is the Certifiably Insane Level. ALLEGEDLY.

Kirstie also threw shade at old pal, and former Scientologist, Leah Remini. Remini famously left the COS in 2013 after filing a missing persons report for COS head honcho David Miscavige’s wife, Shelley. The report went nowhere because Miscavige was able to halt the investigation by the LAPD and Kirstie went after Leah, though she’s always denied that allegation:

“She left the religion and she was very critical. That’s just sort of water under the bridge. There’s nothing going on and there was nothing going on for years. I didn’t shun her, but if a lot of people are rejecting you, at some point you gotta ask, ‘What am I doing?’ I mean, that’s what I would have asked myself.”

She didn’t shun Leah but a lot of people did? Uh huh. And if a lot of people shun you does that mean you needed to be shunned, or does it mean that a cult wants to distance itself from a member who broke away.

I’d wait for Kristie’s response, but she’s having a sammich and one does not disturb Kirstie when she’s with a sammich.

So, does JLo have a new much younger boyfriend, or is she just dating her The Boy Next Door co-star Ryan Guzman until the movie comes out and bombs and then she’ll dump him?

I mean, she did bring him as her Plus One to the Globes and the two posed together on the carpet, and she introduced him to everybody. And he’d be perfect for her because he’s twenty-seven to her forty-five, so he’s still in Son of JLo age range.

But, is it just me or is something pinging about Guzman? I mean, JLo allegedly has a habit of going for The Gays.

Right, Casper?

Did y’all see Justin Bieber’s Calvin Klein ads where he’s trying to Marky Mark his way into our hearts?

Not working because, even though Marky Mark was kind of a dangerous, criminal type, Justin is more of an egg-tossing, drag-racing wannabe, so, yeah, there’s that.

There is also the fact that the ads were photoshopped to bulk up Bieber’s pecs and crotch, and even though the photos are out there, The Biebs and his team are in suing mode ore anyone who says the ad isn’t all Bieber.

In fact, Team Bieber sent a cease and desist letter to the website that first posted the ALLEGED un-retouched Calvin Klein photo, asking to have the photo removed. His people say the photo isn’t real and, darn it, the picture made Justin cry so y’all just stop it. Now.

On a sicker note, Team Bieber even had Bieber’s personal trainer, Patrick Nilsson, give a statement on how big the Bieber junk is:

“I can definitely confirm that he is a well-endowed guy.”

Wait. A guy is talking Bieber junk? Couldn’t they get a stripper to confirm it? Or Selena Gomez?

Just sayin’.

More trouble over there at The View and this time it isn’t about Whoopi and Rosie O trying to wrestle control over the show from the other.

This time word on the street is that Rosie Perez will soon be out. Or that she’s already gone because she was just sick of that whole toxic environment.

Perez hasn’t been on The View all month because she’s ALLEGEDLY been busy rehearsing the Broadway play Fish in the Dark; Rosie O has been saying that Perez will be out for the rest of the month but will be back next month, though sources — and it could be Lohan angling for a TV gig — say that isn’t going to happen. That source says Rosie P “never got a hang of the show’s mixture of hard and soft news” and she has trouble reading the TelePrompTer … ouch … though a spokeswhore for ABC — and that could be Barbara Walters — says:

 “Rosie Perez is currently in rehearsal for her Broadway play for the month of January. Her status with the show has not changed.”

There is also a rumor that ABC is gonna kill The View to add another hour to the far more popular, and less drama-filled, Good Morning America.

That I can see.

Let’s finish with more Biebs … During his vacation in Turks and Caicos, Justin Bieber ran into Rolling Stone Keith Richards. Justin, who figures himself rock royalty, wandered over to Keith’s table for a drink when, according to a source — possibly Selena Gomez hiding under the table to measure Justin’s, er, inseam, for a tabloid — says:

 “Justin tried to bro down with him.”

To which Richards ALLEGEDLY — though I believe it — said:

“Let’s get one thing straight. You’re a wannabe.”

Better than another group this week, a conservative political group that mistook Justin Bieber for Miley Cyrus.

That’s seriously happened.