I Ain't One To Gossip But ... First ...

JP is back to blogging, as he says, tentatively. If you never read him before at his old blog, try stopping in at Still Me: the same just different. His take on the world and people and food, from his patch of earth in the UK, is lovely and wonderful and thought-provoking and beautifully written.

Stop in, read, and say Hello!

Damn, why couldn’t I have had a front row seat??

Idris Elba appeared at the Brit Awards this past week, looking rock-n-roll smooth in a bright pink Gucci bomber jacket and black jeans, but sharp-eyed viewers noticed that his zipper was open on his pants.

Sadly, when Adele came onstage to accept her award, Idris Elba held the cue cards in front of his groin in an attempt to cover his embarrassment, and Twitter went wild:

“Someone needs to tell Idris Elba to close the front door.”

“Why the hell are people complaining that Idris Elba’s fly was open at The Brits? They’re acting like that’s not the best possible outcome.”

Actually, again, the best possible outcome would be me sitting front row center and then bounding onstage to hold Idris’, um, cue cards.

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On the opposite end of that conversation, is the fact that Nelly was trending on social media this week because he, ahem “accidentally” posted a video of himself getting a blowjob to Instagram.

Well, we guess it was Nelly, because it was just his dick in the scene while the woman’s face was on full display. But, still, Nelly claimed his dick, which leads most folks to wonder, ‘How does one accidentally post a video to Instagram, unless the accidentally part is just a front because, really, who the fuck is Nelly and how thirsty is he?

Also, the post comes the same week that Nelly saw Madonna’s scantily clad Instagram photo from just last week and said: 

“Some things should be covered up!”

And other things don’t ever need to be seen.

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I’m beginning to think we change Kanye’s name to Karen.

While he’s spent recent weeks going after ex-wife Kim Kardastrophe and Kim’s “boyfriend of the moment” Pete Davidson, he’s taken some time off to go after … Billie Eilish.

Kanye Karen is demanding that Billie apologize to Travis Scott over some recent remarks she made disparaging the rapper. And if Billie doesn’t make the apology, then Kanye Karen will not perform at Coachella. :::foot stomp::: But the trouble with this is that Billie Eilish never said a thing about Travis Scott. See, the incident that has Kanye’s granny pants in a snit happened last weekend in Atlanta during her Happier Than Ever The World Tour. In the middle of the show, Billie stopped performing to check on a fan who seemed to be having issues. Billie asked to give the fan a little room and then told the audience:'

"Relax, relax, it’s OK. We’re taking care of our people.”

Well, clearly that was a dig at Travis Scott who recently let fans get trampled and die while he kept performing, right? At least it was in the mind of Kanye Karen who stepped into the middle of what was nothing and tried to make it something. Karen posted a picture of a headline claiming that Billie “dissed” Travis, and wrote his ultimatum in ALL CAPS because he’s serious:

COME ON BILLIE WE LOVE YOU PLEASE APOLOGIZE TO TRAV AND TO THE FAMILIES OF THE PEOPLE WHO LOST THEIR LIVES NO ONE INTENDED THIS TO HAPPEN TRAV DIDN’T HAVE ANY IDEA OF WHAT WAS HAPPENING WHEN HE WAS ON STAGE AND WAS VERY HURT BY WHAT HAPPENED AND YES TRAV WILL BE WITH ME AT COACHELLA BUT NOW I NEED BILLIE TO APOLOGIZE BEFORE I PERFORM

All caps and not one single sign of punctuation. Stay in school, kids and stay on your meds. But, Billie, clearly the adult in this story, popped into Kanye’s comments and stated the obvious:

“Literally never said a thing about Travis. Was just helping a fan.”

It looks like Billie will not be doing an Apology Tour and that Kanye Karen will, still perform at Coachella because he’s just a drama queen looking to stay relevantly irrelevant.

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And speaking of thirsty celebrities, JLo and highly likely soon-to-be ex-fiancé Ben Affleck appeared on the red carpet at JLo’s new film, Marry Me, and the bitch was wearing a wedding dress from Giambattista Valli’s “Love” collection. She even dressed Ben up as a groom. I'm stunned she didn't have a minister out there to perform the ceremony.

Seriously, how thirsty is she?

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It's Snarkurday!

By now you’ve all heard about the Harvey Weinstein sexual assault storm, right? I mean, it stands at just over thirty women and Harvey looks to be making a run at Bill Cosby Accuser Numbers. Ah, being rich allows you to sexually assault women, eh, _____?

Anyway, a new wrinkle has appeared in the Weinstein Saga ... namely that Harvey’s brother, and business partner, Bob Weinstein, is the one who spilled the beans about Harvey and Little Harvey’s misdeeds.

A source—and it’s ALLEGEDLY a former staffer—saysthat Bob, who co-founded The Weinstein Company and its predecessor Miramax with Harvey, deliberately exposed his brother as a sexual predator in order to squeeze him out and take over the business; the source also says Bob might have been who tattled to the New York Times, which ran that expose on Harvey’s        ALLEGED history of sexual harassment and multiple related settlements, and says Bob has been plotting this for a long time.

Ah, sibling rivalry. I remember when my brother and I would fight over something stupid but times change and now outing your brother as a pervert to become top-dog at the family business is the new move.

And it’s made all the more skeevey because, clearly, Bob Weinstein knew all about it and said nothing for years.

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James Woods is leaving acting, and Acting replied:

“Huh? I assumed you’d already gone.”

At any rate, Woods, a Twittering Asshatted Conservative Douchebag, apparently left it up to his real estate agent, Allen Gammons, to say that Woods’ Exeter, Rhode Island property is going on the market because James is “retiring from the entertainment industry and seeking to ‘simplify his life’ by selling ‘his many real estate holdings on both coasts.’”

When I retire I’m gonna have the paperboy deliver the news with the Smallville Times ...

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It appears Nelly was put into handcuffs out in Washington this week after a woman claimed she was raped by him on his tour bus. The woman called 911 at 3:48 in the morning claiming she was sexually assaulted by Nelly on his tour bus which was parked outside a Walmart. And clearly Nelly is not a big enough celebrity to warrant special treatment because he was arrested less than an hour after the claim was made and booked on second degree rape charges. He was released a few hours later.

Nelly’s people are, naturally, claiming that he’s the victim in all this:

“Nelly is the victim of a completely fabricated allegation. Our initial investigation , clearly establishes , this allegation is devoid of credibility and is motivated by greed and vindictiveness. I am confident , once this scurrilous accusation is thoroughly investigated , there will be no charges. Nelly is prepared to address and pursue all legal avenues to redress any damage caused by this clearly false allegation.”

Funny, though, that the woman called as soon as the ALLEGED rape was over, and hasn’t asked for a dime; but still, you know, Celebrity Privilege.

And then, in other, gross, Nelly news ... there is a Twitter Video—a Twideo?—from a Nelly show of him twirling a little girl’s hair all sexy-like while performing on stage because nothing says Ick more than a grown man flirting with a child.

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Oh Little Richard. Gurl, please make up your mind.

This week, flamboyantly, openly, wildly gay Little Richard renounced his homosexuality saying same-sex relationships are “unnatural affections” when he appeared on Today Live on the Christian network Three Angels Broadcasting to announce he was going back into the closet:

“When I first come in show business they wanted you to look like everybody but yourself. And, anybody that comes in show business they gone say you gay or straight… God made men, men and women, women.”

This is yet another Little Richard Tutti-Frutti Flip Flop; in his 1984 biography, he said homosexuality was “unnatural” and “contagious” but then in 1995 he came out as gay in an interview with Penthouse—apparently someone infected with the gay coughed near him and he caught it ... or something—and said:

“I’ve been gay all my life and I know God is a God of love, not of hate.”

Then in 2012 GQ interview, he talked of all the orgies he’s taken part in with both men and women, but now, this time, he’s totally not gay.

Until he does an interview again. I’m guessing.

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Is Alec Baldwin back at his bead behavior? A source—and it might have been a _____ spawn seeking revenge for Baldwin’s impersonation  of the Bigot-In-Chief—says they saw Alec get into a fight with two people in a black SUV on an NYC street this week.

There’s no indication of why Baldwin went Street Nuts again though maybe the driver just pissed on Baldwin while he was out for a stroll; he was heard calling the driver a “meatball” and then demanding that the driver and passenger get out of the vehicle. But the driver knows you don’t exit a vehicle when Alec shouts because he’s been known to brawl in the streets so they didn’t oblige, which pissed Alec off more.

He whipped out his phone and started videotaping them, and when they sped off he took a picture of their license plate and then tossed the Big Gulp he was carrying to the ground.

Oh, now it’s clear. Alec was having a Slurpee when the SUV drove by and it startled him and he spilled some drink on his shirt so it was time to fight ...

I mean that sounds as plausible as any other reason for Baldwin to go Nuts In The Streets again.

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Lea Michele is annoying.

She’d tried to play herself off as Barbra Streisand 2.0 on Glee but she was more Streisand-extra-lite and extra-bothersome. Now she’s on a new show, The Mayor, playing a secondary character and, well, it appears as though someone over there doesn’t like Lea so much and is spilling some tea or throwing some shade.

As in Lea Michele sends herself flowers every day on set. A source says bouquets have arrived every day for Michele and she “likes everyone to see them and makes a big song and dance about it. Every. Single. Time.”

Now, truth be told, Lea has been dating clothing designer Zandy Reich since July but no one on the set thinks he’s the Flower Boy.

The spy says:

“The flowers arrive the same time every day, so we joke that she’s set up auto-delivery with the flower company.”

Well, her voice if often auto-tuned so maybe the flowers are auto-delivered.

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Michelle Collins, comedian and former co-host on The View—and who hasn’t been a co-host on that show? I did a week there back in ’07 but was kicked to the curb for opening Barbara’s crypt before she was fully made up—has a friend who works for Sarah Jessica Parker and Collins got her hands on an email from SJP to her “staff” on how things should be done around the Parker-Broderick home.

Who knew SJP could be so very Joan Crawford? I mean, besides Kim Cattrall.

Anyway, in the emails Collins says were writtn by SJP, the actress instructs “staffers” to refill a tiny 1.75-ounce container of Vaseline with a small spoon or knife for her children’s use. She stresses that the refill jar not be too big (so as to not clutter the house), and that the cutlery used to handle the Vaseline must be hand-washed using a paper towel followed by a cycle in the dishwasher.

Out damned spots!

Other things to be monitored and refilled include the face and body wash in her 14-year-old son’s personal shower. Seriously, the last place I wanna check out is the shower of a horny fourteen-year-old boy! Just sayin’.

SJP has also given instructions on how hard the children should blink when eye drops are administered; this ALLEGEDLY comes on the heels of a Pink-Eye issue from last year.

But she’s not all pissy and prickly; oh no, instructions are also given for Taco Tuesday when SJP asks staffers to purchase, ahem, “whatever meat goes in tacos”.

And it better not taste like Cattrall.

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