Bobservations

Carlos had a court interpretation the other day, and over dinner he was telling me about the case of a young Hispanic girl who kept running away from home, spending days and days at a friend’s house.

Well, apparently the young girl had a girlfriend at the other house and that’s why she kept running away from home. Carlos was telling m that the girl’s mother was upset because she kept coming home with doohickeys on her neck.

“Hickeys.”

“What?”

“They’re called hickeys, not doohickeys.”

“What’s the difference?”

“A hickey is sometimes called a ‘love bite,’ while a doohickey is a word you use for a tool or something, the name of which you can't remember.”

He looked confused. So I called him a doohickey!

This Tuxedo Memory is from January 2019:

“On the chilly days Tuxedo likes to use MaxGoldberg as a pillow.”

And MaxGoldberg never really seemed to mind! Those two boys were the best of friends.

I just finished watching AHS: Delicate and I am officially done with the show if it ever comes back.

Gone are the days of Jessica Lange, Sarah Paulsen, Evan Peters, and Frances Conroy to be replaced by Kim Kardastrophe.

I’m done.

Please tell me that I wasn’t the only one who thought that little piggy was at the Piggly Wiggly or some such?

Does anyone else find it ironic that the anti-immigrant crowd wants immigrants to speak English and yet the anti-immigrant crowd clearly has its own problem with the language?

Okay, why? Why the need for a belt that is so much bigger than your waist that when it hangs loose it has a penis drawn on the backside?

I mean, I’m not a prude, unzip your pants and let your real penis fly!

And here’s the gift that keeps on giving, for those days when I run out of Fucks to give, I always have a stash on hand.

Ever notice that when there’s an earthquake in a  Blue state the GOP always calls it a sign from God as punishment for liberal politics, but when tornadoes tear through a Red state all you get from the GOP is :::crickets:::

And then we have the latest photograph of our esteemed Supreme Kangaroo Court of the United States. All hail SKCOTUS!

Chris Williamson is a fitness model , a reality tv star, a podcaster, a YouTuber and a club promoter but Would You Hit It?

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

After the original series, and at least nineteen reboots, Fox has finally decided that the six episodes of BH90210 were more than enough.

Goodbye. See you in about a year when another underling at Fox comes up with the brilliant idea of rebooting a show that has had more lives than a cat.

But why was it cancelled? Jennie and Tori. It seems there were major “creative issues” because Tori Spelling and Jennie Garth, who both also produced on the series, wanted to be too involved in the creative process, and that because of their over-involvement thirteen writers quit the show throughout its run.

It’s six-episode run.

Let it go, Fox; it’s dead.

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And speaking of reboots, apparently ABC’S Revenge is being Revived.

But unlike 90210, the producers have a twist … it’s all about Latinx in the update, in which a Latinx character gets revenge on a big pharmaceutical family who caused an epidemic.

Au currant. This reboot is coming from the same creator and executive producer as the original, Mike Kelley, so you know it’ll be really good in seasons 1 and 3, but season 2 and the last season will be all WTF.

But with Latinx characters.

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Have you ever heard of Lisa Falcone? Me neither, but she’s über rich, über crazy, über dumb, and über racist.  Lisa is married to Philip Falcone, a billionaire hedge fund guy, and she once pissed off the elite of the Hamptons by letting her horses use the pristine beaches a s a litter box.

And now, well, she says she’s allowed to use the n-word with good reason.

The Falcones have been sued by their former personal chef Brian Villanueva for discrimination and violation of New York labor laws. According to the lawsuit, on July 13, Brian brought his girlfriend, who is black, to the Falcones’ Hamptons home to help him out at a party where Alicia Keys and her husband Swizz Beatz were in attendance. After the event, Lisa told Villanueva how “articulate” his girlfriend was and everyone knows what that means. But Lisa continued:

“Your girlfriend speaks very well. She seems educated. I would describe her as a chocolate-covered marshmallow.”

Black on the outside, white on the inside. Villanueva says he was visibly offended, and yet Lisa went on:

 “Do you use the word ‘n*gger’ at home with your girlfriend?”

Villanueva asked Lisa to explain what she meant, and she decided to bring up Alicia and Swizz saying they were not as well-spoken:

“I meant she speaks really eloquently. Alicia [Keys] doesn’t speak that way. She didn’t have an education and was just discovered by Clive Davis when she was fifteen years old. Swizz [Beatz] definitely doesn’t speak that way either.”

That day, Villanueva, for some reason, served the Falcones lunch, and then quit because of the racism, and says in his lawsuit:

“Rather than accepting Plaintiff’s resignation, Defendant Lisa Falcone asked Plaintiff not to resign and stated “talk to my black friends” (seemingly referring to Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz, both of whom were at the beach with the Falcones at that time), and emphasized “they will tell you that I am not racist.”“

Cuz she has black friends.

It’s like Countess LuAnn once famously sang:

♫ ♪ Money can’t by you claaaaaaaaas ♪ ♫

Or common decency.

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The divorce battle may be over but Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s court battles have lasted longer than their doomed-from-the-jump-street—see what I did there—marriage.

Depp is currently suing Heard for defamation—after she claimed he paid people to stay silent about witnessing his ALLEGED violent behavior—and for smearing his name after she filed for divorce.

And with the ball in her court, Heard recently filed a request for Deppy to submit to an IME [Independent Mental Evaluation] to confirm her ALLEGATIONS that Depp’s love affair with booze, drugs, and prescription medicines contributed to his violent behavior.

And since neither one of these fools can go a nanosecond without talking about the other, Depp’s attorney released a statement regarding Amber’s request for an IME:

“This is a defamation case in which Mr. Depp does not allege that he suffers from any mental disorder or condition. Thus, Mr. Depp’s mental condition is not ‘in controversy’ nor does good cause exist under the rule for an IME ... It is a preposterous notion that an IME now would shed light on Mr. Depp’s mental state at the time of Ms. Heard’s abuse hoax back in 2016. Ms. Heard’s effort treads a well-worn path of victim blaming using the pretext of mental health. ”

I’d like to suggest that they both undergo an IME and that, whatever the results, they are both told to go away, and be quiet.

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From the Height of High-larity file comes the tale of one Orenthal James Simpson, former football star and murderer, who is claiming that after a Las Vegas casino banned him for being ALLEGEDLY drunk and belligerent, he was defamed.

Seriously, he thinks his reputation suffered because someone called him a drunk? Most people call him a murderer and he’s fine with that.

Probably cuz it’s true.

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I saw a headline with the words ‘Cuba Gooding Jr.’ and ‘Nightclub’ in it and I just naturally assumed he’d groped another owman in a bar.

Color me surprised to learn that it wasn’t Cuba acting the fool but his girlfriend, Claudine De Niro, Robert De Niro’s ex daughter-in-law, who went over the edge at a Miami Nightclub called Mango’s Tropical Cafe.

Now, he was somehow involved because he was the one Claudine went after, by ALLEGEDLY shrieking at him and then hurling a shot glass at him, and then getting her ass kicked to the curb by security.

Ah, the couple that gets drunk and acts the fool together …

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Now we’ll end where we began … with the death of the 487th reboot if Beverly Hills 90210 and the so-desperate-for-a-job Jennie Garth saying the last reboot is not over. At a recent event, Us Weekly caught up with Garth who swears that BH90210 is not dead:

“I was very, very proud of the work we did in the first season … The show is very meta, so it’s good. The confusion is fine. Everybody’s like, “What is happening!?” We don’t even know. Nobody knows, but we are working it out. It was a very unique, creative vision and it was very specific, and it was hard to convey that to everyone.”

Wait. So she admits no one understood the show, not even the team behind it, but that it was so good, they’re going to bring it back in a different form?

Jennie? You’ve been hanging around broke-ass Tori Spelling too long now, and you’re acting just as delusional.

Go back to waitressing.

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Bobservations

I’ve mentioned before that Carlos loves some Nerd TV … How It’s Made … Big Ships …etc. The other day I caught him scrolling through the channels looking for something and he actually squealed …

“Ooooh, Battle Bots!”

Then he proceeded to tell me he didn’t really care for the show, even after I reminded him, over and over and over again, that he had squealed at the sight of the show.

Battle Bots is kinda like remote-controlled lawn mowers doing battle. No, seriously, that’s it. And my husband squealed at the thought.

Bill Maher went after GOP South Carolina Senator Lindsey’ Graham’s “hypocrisy on steroids” on Real Time last week with a list that wasn’t so much about Miss Lindsey’s blathering flip-flop on _____and more about the issue of whether Graham is a big old queen. Some were high-larious, some were offensive, but here they are:

My name is Lindsey and my pronouns are He and Y’all.

My spirit animal is a jellyfish.

I burn calories by skipping to work.

I’m the only Senator whose office has a bidet and a fainting couch.

For three weeks in 1992 I was married to Liza Minnelli.

In a fire, the first things I’d save are my bridal magazines.

When I was in school, the kids would tease me by calling me “Lindsey”.

I was the first person to push a dog around in a stroller.

The greatest advice my mother gave me was to stop waving my hands when I run.

My quote in the high school yearbook was “a lady is allowed to change her mind.”

My greatest legislative accomplishment is naming a post office after Nathan Lane.

If Trump and I were a celebrity couple, I’d want the tabloids to call us “Donsey.”

I once kissed Trump’s ass so hard I could taste Hannity.

John McCain’s last words to me were “Let go of my hand.”

People who say I’m anti-immigrant haven’t heard me talk about Siegfried and Roy.

When people call me a “hawk” I just want to bomb the sh*t out of them.

My favorite James Bond movie is Octo-yucky.

I’m one of only three people in Washington allowed to trim President Trump’s nose hairs.

I employ over a dozen pool boys even though I don’t own a pool.

Irony alert! Thanks to a food allergy, I avoid fruit.

For Halloween, I went as the Lindsey Graham from the Clinton impeachment.

If you saw just five seconds of the videotape Trump has of me, everything would suddenly make sense.

My nickname in the Air Force was “JAG-off.”

If it was socially acceptable, I would wear nothing but scarves.

Miss Lindsey has looooong been the subject of gay rumors and has always denied them. I hope he isn’t gay, because if he is, he gives the LGBTQ community a bad name. I think he’s just a lonely pathetic straight man with self-esteem issues related to the fact that he and _____ both have at least one more thing in common:

A tiny mushroom shaped dick. That’s all.

More Carlos…or more precisely, more me torturing Carlos? Okay …

As he was recovering from his surgery, he was doing very well, but every once in a while, getting out of one of the living room chairs, he’d whimper Oh oh oh oh.

Being the loving husband, I suggested a way to ease him from his seat by taking a dog leash, tying it around his neck, then attaching the other end to the ceiling fan, and turning the fan on. The motion of the fan would help him out of the chair, but then … do I  stop it from taking him all the way to the ceiling and spinning like a rag doll over my head.

Well, at least one Madonna fan is apparently leaving the building.

Nate Hollander has filed a lawsuit against Madonna and Live Nation alleging that the change in start time for the Madame X Tour is a breach of contract between the singer and ticket buyer.

Trouble for Nick is, that he hasn’t seen the show yet; his tickets are for December 17th. But he knows what’s going to happen because, even though the show time is 8:30 on the tickets, late last month, Madonna and Live Nation changed the start times for several shows to 10:30 and that’s too late for Madonna’s rapidly aging out fan base.

Nate says that no refund has been offered and says he can’t resell them because the tickets “suffered an extreme loss of value” due to the time change.

Oh Nate, as Judge Judy might say, ‘You picked her. And you’re stuck with her at 10:30.’

To add insult to injury, Madonna, who clearly had been told about the complaints, tweeted a video from her Las Vegas show where she said to the crowd:

“There’s something that you all need to understand. And that is, that a queen is never late.”

I don’t know what’s funnier, that Madonna thinks she’s royalty or that she thinks she’s still relevant.

As I said last week, Tuxedo went to the vets about him licking the fur off his front leg. He was given some medication, and some wipes to clean the area. The wipes were easy, but the medication had to be given through a dropper orally, which meant holding Tuxedo down and shoving the dropper in his mouth and given him the medication.

So, twice a day I would take a towel and wrap it around Tuxedo, keeping his paws from grabbing at me, and then Carlos would force the medications into his mouth. After the first dose, as soon as he saw the towel, Tuxedo knew what was coming; he didn’t run, but he wrapped his front paws around my neck and tried to climb me to get away. It was quite the struggle, but we finished his round of antibiotics the other day.

And I will give Tuxedo props for not holding a grudge; as soon as he had the meds, he got a treat, and then would crawl into my lap and go to sleep.

He really is a good boy … and thrilled to be “off the dropper.”

I guess the Golden Globes didn’t think he was the worst host ever after all.

The 1995 Golden Globes went hostless from 1944 through 2009 except for one year when I was co-hosted by that comedy duo John Larroquette and Janine Turner. But by 2010, the Globes felt they needed a host and asked Ricky Gervais, who hosted for three years, took three years off—the comedy duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosted those years—and the returned in 2016, only to be basically fired from ever hosting again.

But now he’s back, and the Golden Globes will once again go from ‘Which actor is the most drunk’ to ‘Which actor is gonna be publicly dragged by Ricky Gervais.’

I, for one, cannot wait.

Isha Blaaker. So hot and sultry and…did I say hot?

Born in  Paramaribo, Suriname, this green-eyed beauty also goes by the nickname The Charming Boxer.

Charming, indeed. And sweet; when asked if he found himself attractive, he said:

“I know what I’m being paid for, but beauty is internal. If you don’t see your light no one will. Everybody should see their own beauty.”

Usha is also single, sort of; he calls his relationship status “complicated”.

I could uncomplicate it for him. Just sayin’.

On This Date In ISBL History: Random Musings

As Carlos and I are in sunny Miami for business and pleasure, I thought I’d do something I’ll call “On This Date In ISBL History” and repost some things from back when the blog was new, and newish … this was originally published January 9, 2014:

Random Musings

Congrats to icon Lily Tomlin, who married her long, longtime partner, Jane Wagner on New Year’s Eve in New York.

The two women have been a couple since meeting in 1971, and now some forty-two years later they are a happily, legally married couple.

Congratulations!

They are still happily married ... still funny ... still fabulous!

As many of you know, my sister, undergoing chemo for lung cancer, had seen most of her tumors shrink, which is good news right? Well, not exactly, because as anyone who’s gone through any kind of cancer treatment, or known someone in treatment, knows that while tumors shrink, the cancer cells run and hide in new places throughout the body.

This is what happened to my sister. The cancer has metastasized to her brain, causing several large lesions there. She was suffering all kinds of memory issues and lethargy, and, in talking with her doctor, has decided to undergo radiation treatment.

Radiation was something she said she’d never do, but faced with the issue, she changed her mind. First though, steroids were given to reduce the swelling on the brain, so now she is functioning better. Then came the issue of where to have the radiation. The insurance through her employer had ended — she stopped working last year when she began chemo — but as a retired military person, she was entitled to radiation treatments at a VA hospital. Trouble is, one was about an hour from home, and they couldn’t take her, and the next closest one was two hours from home.

Then it was learned that her employer insurance has not ended, and so now she is back home, taking radiation at a hospital just five minutes away.

So, it’s been a mixed bag this week of bad news and good news, but that’s the way things happen, I guess.

My sister passed away a month later, February 15, 2014.

I still miss her something awful.

So, Hostages is over and if it ever comes back to TV again I’ll stop watching CBS altogether. What a ludicrous show, so badly written and so badly plotted that it was almost laughable; and yet, like a train wreck, I could not look away. But the finale tied every storyline up in a neat little bow with all happy endings — mostly. The doctor didn’t kill the president. The family got back together. The president, who raped a girl eons ago, was now being held accountable. The mastermind of the Kill The President plot got the bone marrow to save his wife and then decided he’d turn himself in. His brother, who aided him, as well as a woman who helped, had fallen in love, and even though the brother murdered an innocent man during the series, he and his girlfriend were able to escape and live happily ever after.

The most disturbing issue? Two of the bad guys were black; one helping with the Kill The President Plot and the other the mastermind behind it. Those two, the only Black men on the show, were killed, meaning, I guess, if you’re white and you commit a crime you live happily ever after but if you’re black, you die?

Bad on you CBS.

Better news for TV? Downton Abby is back; so is House of Lies — featuring the amazing Don Cheadle — and Episodes — with Matt LeBlanc as the anti-Joey.

American Horror Story and Stevie Nicks? Say.No.More.

Also, Josh Holloway has returned from Lost to Intelligence, in which he plays a spy with a microchip that allows his brain to function like a computer or a Smartphone, I guess. Implausibility abounds, but Holloway is nice eye candy.

Plus, be still my hearts, Justified has returned with the oh-so-handsome Timothy Olyphant; good storylines, great writing and a hot leading man!

Hostages never came back. Downton Abby and House of Lies finished their runs. AHS is still, thankfully, a must-see. Josh Holloway didn’t last long on Intelligence, but he is back again, for Season Two, in Colony and is still hot. Worst of all ... Justified ended its run and Timothy Olyphant is not on my TV every week any more. I find that one still hard to take ...

So, if you drop by here regularly, you know I love a good f-bomb. I’m fairly good at containing my usage in public, but in private, in the car, at home, writing for this bloggy thing, I love to drop ‘em.

But apparently Martin Scorsese loves an f-bomb more.

His new film, “The Wolf of Wall Street”, is all about excess, with orgies on a plane to cocaine and cash and everything in between, so it’s no surprise that the film has set the all-time record for the use of the f-word.

According to Wikipedia, the word “f**k” is used 506 times on “Wolf” and the previous record holder was Spike Lee’s 1999 film “Summer of Sam” with 435 instances. But “Wolf” isn’t the first time Scorsese has set the f-mark; Scorsese’s “Casino” dropped the bomb 422 times, while his “Goodfellas” dropped it 300 times.

My hat is off to you Mr. Scorsese, you win!

Still, I used the f-bomb thirty-seven times this morning. I’m so proud.

Seriously? The Washington Blade reports that American Idol contestant and openly gay pop singer Clay Aiken is considering running for the U.S. House from North Carolina.

A source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, says Aiken, a Raleigh native, has taken the initial steps for a run, including consulting with political operatives in Washington, D.C., about a bid for the seat. Aiken made phone calls to gauge support, talked to the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee and met with figures in Raleigh about a potential bid.

He has also been working with Betsy Conti, a Raleigh-based political strategist who’s worked for former North Carolina Governor Bev Purdue and Democratic presidential nominee Al Gore.

I hope she recommends he go a bit lighter on the mascara if he wants to be taken seriously.

Clay lost; ‘nuff said.

Don’t ever underestimate the power of a queen; or even the Queen.

Prince Harry has been ordered by the Queen to “sooner rather than later” shave off the bushy polar beard he grew while on his charity trek in Antarctica.

Harry returned to Britain just in time for the festive celebrations at Sandringham and though his brother William and sister-in-law Kate said they loved his “Windsor whiskers” his grandmother was apparently not amused.

Harry maintains that beards are a royal tradition and told a well-wisher watching his family walk to church on Christmas morning that he intended to keep his, and a place insider, probably Princess Anne because what else does she have to do says, “The rest of the family liked it and were taking the mickey, especially his cousin Zara who dubbed him ‘Prince Hairy’.”

Prince Hairy. Prince Hottie, too.

PS Who's that next to him? O M G I’d like to be trapped in an igloo with those two!

I’m still up for a tryst with Prince Hot Ginger and the Unknown Hunk ... don’t tell Carlos.

So, Consuelo Roca-Jones, our youngest feline child.

Carlos goes from calling her Princess one minute to Little Bitch the next, but it has become abundantly clear who is in charge around here.

See, Miss Jones likes to sit in an open window and watch the birds and smell the yard and such. And Carlos, who obviously kowtows to the Little Bitch Princess, has taken to opening a window just so she can perch in it. Trouble is, the heater in the house is running and it’s 30-degrees outside but he doesn’t want to, and I quote, “Make her mad.”

Consuelo 1, Carlos 0.

And this battle of egos still wages on in our house, and Consuelo is up by over a hundred points by now!

So, the Polar Vortex brought out all the scarves and hats and gloves and coats, but in Illinois, at one move theater, it brought out the funny.

Take a look at that marquee …

Luckily we are in Miami during the South Carolina cold snap!

Liz Cheney is still a moron. But that isn’t really surprising really, is it?