Snarky Thoughts

If you haven’t been seeing the snippets of the Paltrow v. Sanderson lawsuit from Park City, Utah, consider yourself lucky for having missed the smug performance of a Kim Kardastrophe wannabe and low rent Martha Stewart hopeful in Oscar bought-and-paid for by Harvey Weinstein, Gwyneth Paltrow. This week Paltrow won her case in which she says a large man rammed into her, fell, and he cracked and broke four ribs and suffered a head injury, while thin-a-s-a-rail, bone both drinking  Gwynnie skied down the slope, ate lunch and had a massage while complaining that she was robbed of a half day of skiing.

My Thought: She won because she’s Gwyneth Paltrow though she was only awarded a dollar. Still, for me, that .99-cents too much.

My Other Thought: That smug face; we know she’s a horrible actor so I guessing she had her entire mug and limp hair Botoxed to the Sad Clown Degree.

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While promoting the Dungeons & Dragons movie this week Hugh Grant complained about how these days actors no longer fall in love and screw like rabbits on film sets, but instead go home to their loved ones and their own lives. And he blames it all on cell phones:

“All of that stopped because of telephones. Everyone goes home and looks at Twitter. It’s so sad.”

My Thought: Maybe the women he works with know that Hugh Grant is a serial schtupper and the father of five children, overlapping in age, with two different women … meaning he was schtupping both at the same time. Ick.

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By 2008 Mike Myers’ career of playing corny, one-note unfunny people, and comic villains was just about over, though Myers apparently was the only one unaware. Which may explain why Canadian radio DJ named Jay Brody, who was hired to work as set security for The Love Guru but was fired after just four hours on the job because he broke one rule: he made eye contact with Myers.

My Thought: Was it just eye contact, or was it eye roll contact, as in, seriously, you aren’t funny Mike Myers.

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In 1996, Brooke Shields guest-starred on Friends as Joey’s obsessive fan, and during a date scene, she had to—and by that I mean ‘forced to’—lick Matt LeBlanc’s hand and fingers. In the audience was Brooke’s then-boyfriend Andre Agassi, who later became her husband and then ex-husband, and according to Shields Agassi lost it because he thought the two were flirting … on a TV set … in front of a camera … with an audience … and a full stage crew. Brooke says he ran out of the studio and later screamed at her for making a fool of him and broke all of his tennis trophies in a rage; what Brooke found out later was a meth-fueled rage.

My Thought: Andre clearly has never heard of acting, or else he thinks everything you see on TV is real.

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Khloé Kardastrophe has changed her face so much that she’s pretty much a living reboot of her former self. Now, in the past, Khloé has blasted people for suggesting she’s the product of scrapes and pills and injections and scalpels, oh my. But this week, on Instagram, a fan—do Kardastrophe’s have fans or people they pay to be fans—asked her, “Do you miss your old face?” and she replied, “No.”

My Thought: The answer should have been “Which old face,” because at the rate she keeps changing it I think that one day soon she’ll end up looking like Khloé Kardastrophe circa 2007.

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Alexander Ludwig, from the Hunger Games, posted a stripped-down nekkid Polaroid to his Instagram this week, alongside one of his wife also posing nude; she was celebrating her 32nd week of pregnancy and he was celebrating being a hot nekkid soon-to-be Daddy.

My Thought: Alexander should pose nudie pics to Instagram all the time, not so blurry and not so dark, and then maybe I’ll look at my page more often than once every six months.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

When last we left Erika Jayne, of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and her soon-to-be ex-husband, Tom Girardi, we were learning that Girardi is nearly broke and ALLEGEDLY embezzled millions from his firm to keep Erika in ugly couture and ridiculous weaves. Rumors also flew that the divorce was just a sham so they could hide their coins and still be rich rich rich.

But now it looks like Erika wants to put the kibosh on those embezzler stories—at least she’s concerned—and has come out saying that Girardi has been cheating on her for years, and even spilled the name of one of his sidepieces.

Erika is now saying she filed for divorce because, after 21 years of marriage—and ALLEGEDLY all during their marriage—Tom was cheating on her. And she brought receipts to prove it, when she posted, then deleted, text messages between Tom and his ALLEGED mistress, Justice Tricia A. Bigelow, and wrote on Instagram:

“This is Justice Tricia A. Bigelow. She was fucking my husband Tom Girardi and he was paying her Saks bill and paying for her plastic surgery.”

Damn, Tom; he was set to pay Erika’s Saks bill and for her plastic surgery. And Erika posted screenshots of their texts between one another:

“Tonight was fantastic. Really. But it would be a whole lot better if I were fucking you.”

“Miss you babe. Makeup sex?”

And there’s a text where Tricia asks Tom to pay Dr. David Matlock for her plastic surgery or she’ll “ask my new boyfriend to pay if it’s a problem. He’s got big dough.”

Sounds damaging, but internet sleuths have noted a couple of oddities; based on the dates and that 3G phone, the texts are either from 2005-2006 or 2015-2016. And then there’s the ALLEGATIONS that Erika and Tom had an open marriage, so she’s known for a while about Tricia, just like Tom has known about her ALLEGED affair with Scooter Braun.

But most odd of all is that, for some reason, Erika then posted a video of her face superimposed over Daenerys from Game Of Thrones and the internet dragged her:

“Should you be making these videos right now?”

“Baby what is you doin.”

“You should probably stop posting for a while. It’s kind of shocking that no one has advised you to at this point.”

“This whole thing is…. embarrassing. Can we get Olivia Pope?”

I’m not sure where Erika goes after all this but judging from Tricia’s threat to Tom, maybe she should look up Tricia’s old boyfriend because he’s “got big dough”.

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Earlier this month, a 34-year-old woman, who can’t be publicly named for legal reasons, filed a claim in court saying that she and Prince Albert of Monaco had a “passionate affair” in 2015 that led to her having his child.

The woman, who is Brazilian but lives in Italy, says that Albert took her on trips all over the world from France to the US to Russia, where she met Vladimir Putin. The woman’s daughter is now 15 years old and the girl has reportedly reached out to Prince Albert several times including this past September when she sent him a note that read: 

“I don’t understand why I grew up without a father, and now that I have found you, you don’t want to see me.”

Albert has repeatedly ignored the girl, so her mother went the legal route and now wants him to take a DNA test. Prince Albert and his legal team deny the woman’s ALLEGATIONS, but he is no stranger to paternity suits. In 1992, Tamara Rotolo claimed that Albert knocked her up, but he denied it until a DNA test … given by Daddy DNA, Maury Povich … said:

“You are the father.”

In 2005, Nicole Coste ALLEGED that Albert left her with child, too, and while he again denied that ALLEGATION, the truth came out:

“You are the father.”

Sure looks like Albert likes to spread his DNA around.

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It must be a slow gossip week when Connie Chung makes the cut, but here we are.  It seems that Chung is dishing the dirt about lots of people, from Dan Rather to Barbara Walters to Hugh Grant.

Chung says Rather, was what she called “Texas nice” to her face but not so much behind her back, saying Rather has been described as being a person who “has very sharp elbows” as in:

“Maybe, if I turned my back, you know, I felt like I might be in a scene of Psycho in the shower.”

Chung parted ways with CBS; it was rumored she wasn’t a good fit because she was “too tabloid” which might have meant her marriage to the above-mentioned Maury Povich. She ended up at ABC with Walters and Sawyer, whom Chung says actively tried to sabotage her success:

“When I got to ABC News, I joined with both Barbara Walters and Diane Sawyer there and I thought, ‘Oh, this is going to be great. It’ll be three women who get along.’ So naive and stupid. I was always playing a game of Whac-A-Mole. I’d pop my head out, and one of them would have a hammer, and whack—put me down, back in my little hole.”

She says Barbara and Diane competed for huge stories and interviews, and that whenever Connie tried to get one, she was told that they were for Barbara and Diane only and that she should “stand down.”

And she also had to stand down when it came to Bryant Gumbel, or men at all:

“I didn’t have a very good experience with a lot of male co-anchors, because they suffer from something called bigshot-itis, and it’s sort of delusions of grandeur and sort of narcissistic behavior and a feeling of inability to stop talking.”

Um, Connie? Stop talking. But she doesn’t … she was asked if Gumbel—with whom Chung sometimes co-hosted “Today” as a sub for Jane Pauley—suffered from the condition, she replied:

“I would say so. I’d be sitting beside him, but I was invisible.”

And then she comes for Hugh Grant, with whom she filmed a cameo for the HBO series The Undoing. She ALLEGES Grant was an asshole who acted like he didn’t know who she was, despite her interviewing him previously.

Sounds like Connie thought very highly of herself while most others did not. Also sounds like she was being interviewed by Maury for the one show a year he does that isn’t about DNA tests.

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It's Snarkurday!

After it was revealed that Matt Lauer was a creeper, and a creep—with a secret-button-under-the-desk to lock his door after women entered—his wife Annette Roque ended their marriage and kicked him out of their Hamptons’ home.

Annette attempted to file for divorce once before, back in 2006, but Matt charmed her gave her $5 million to stick around. But now Anette and Matt are once again in divorce negotiations, but $5 million just won’t do it this time.

Annette wants more … like she wants both of their family homes—a 40-acre farm in Water Mill, NY, and the manse in the Hamptons; she and Matt own a ranch in New Zealand which they are selling and splitting the profits. Annette also wants financial support for herself—not spousal support—but a one-time payout of $20 million, and then she won’t ask for child support for their three children, though Matt will still be responsible for half the education and health costs until each child is 21.

Who knew that marrying Matt Lauer would be like winning the lottery?

I’d have married him for two houses and $20 million.

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John Travolta lives in a world where it’s perfectly okay to fondle the crotch of your male massage therapist without permission … ALLEGEDLY … but last week, in Cannes to promote his next big flop, Gotti, Johnny was asked about the #MeToo movement and his answer was so incredibly ignorant and stupid and nonsensical that I thought maybe his toupee was too tight.

During a press event, a moderator spent most of the time gushing about Travolta’s career in movies—not his career in men’s locker rooms … ALLEGEDLY—but finally someone asked about #MeToo and the nearly 100 women protesting at Cannes about the underrepresentation of female filmmakers at the festival. Travolta said he hadn’t really heard much about #MeToo because, again, my guess, tiny tight toupee:

“I honestly don’t know a ton about it, because I try my best to keep people equal— men, women, races. My father was brilliant at it. He had a global viewpoint. I’m a citizen of the globe, and I’m a citizen of groups and people.”

You know you’ve had too much Scientology when …you don’t have a clue what’s going on in the real world but call yourself global.

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Jennifer Love Hewitt walked the red carpet of the Fox Upfronts last week—she’s taking over for the departing Connie Britton ion 9-1-1 next season—and then went on Instagram to apologize for something no one said about her.

After the event, Hewitt—who wishes she’s trademarked ‘JLo’ for herself—saw her photos online and was mortified and so she raced to film an Instagram live video to explain:

“We go to the Upfront yesterday and nobody tells me the day is going to be like 12 hours long and the humidity is going to be almost 100 percent in New York City. So, I just have to apologize. Wearing a black suit? Not a good idea. Not wearing enough hairspray and teasing in my hair? Also, a bad idea. I just have to apologize for how wrecked I look in all the pictures that have come out. I was literally melting ... My hair was flat, my makeup was running off my face and I looked like I had completely forgotten I was an actress in this business who is supposed to look [perfect] when you step on the red carpet. That is not what I’m going to look like on the show. I’m going to have makeup on my face. I’m not going to be sweating ... Honestly, I apologize. I should’ve really gotten it together!”

Honey? No one asked about your looks. They were too busy wondering why anyone would hire you for anything.

Apologize for that.

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After fathering five or so kids with two or so women, Hugh Grant has actually decided to marry one of his Baby Mama’s.

Hugh got engaged to his longtime girlfriend and mother to some of his kids, Anna Eberstein. Hugh and Anna have three kids: a two-year-old daughter, a five-year-old son, and a third kiddo who was born earlier this year that they aren’t talking about too much.

Hugh also has two kids with his ex, Tinglan Hong. 

Whether that means he’ll be changed enough to alter his outlook on monogamy remains to be seen. Back in 2016, Hugh had a mouthful to say about the subject of long-term relationships to Howard Stern:

“If you ask me the question, ‘Do I think human beings are meant to be in 40-year-long monogamous, faithful relationships?’ No, no. Whoever said they were?”

That’s one way to start a marriage with a woman who gave birth to three of your five children at the same time another woman was giving birth to the other two kids.

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Religion has always been the go-to for pop stars seeking to portray themselves as rebels; think Madonna during her entire career. Think Katy Perry trying to evict nuns from their home because she wanted it.

Now think Beyoncé who just snatched up a church in New Orleans for $850,000. To be fair, the 100-year-old, church has been out of commission since a lot of the members died, but still … Beyoncé … church?

Why? Oh, she thinks she’s some kind of a god … of auto-tune and weaves and oscillating fans. Or maybe she’s found another way to whore herself out for coins. See, recently, about 900 of her most devoted zombies began attending a church service in San Francisco called “Beyoncé Mass.”

And now Beyoncé bought a church in Nawlin’s? How long before she starts her own mass, and sells tickets to his and turns the alter into a concession stand?

If it ain’t making her money, Beyoncé ain’t doin’ it.

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Last weekend Janet Jackson won the Icon award at the Billboard Music Awards, and many members of the family were there to see her—after probably cashing a check from Miss Jackson.

Prince Michael was there; Mama Katherine, too. Even the non-singing one—except for that one unfortunate tune in the 80s—Rebbie Jackson was there. Not there; Paris Jackson. Was it because no one likes Paris?

Not according to her; the day after the show, Paris posted an Instagram story complaining that nobody had bothered to tell her about Aunt Janet’s big night:

“No one from my mgmt reached out to me about attending billboards or about the award, and no one from my family did either. I had absolutely no idea until y’all spammed with hatred.”

Hey Paris? The Jackson Five weren’t there … LaToya? Nope. Blanket? Unless he was laying under a seat he wasn’t there either, so it wasn’t just you … it’s most of your messy family who didn’t get the ticket, or a check.

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It's Snarkurday!

You can’t keep a cougar down … Rumer, er, rumor has it that 55-year-old Demi Moore, who never met a young man she didn’t have to have, is shacking up with 25-year-old Nick Jonas.

It’s all on the DL, and the two meet at her friend’s downtown LA loft for their good times. Angeles loft because, for now, Demi doesn’t want y’all to know. But, ALLEGEDLY, it was Demi’s 29-year-old daughter, Rumer, who told Mama Cougar she had another younger man for her, according to a source, most likely Rumer herself:

“Rumer knows Demi is attracted to younger guys, and she figured that since Nick is single and has experience with older women, he’d be up for a love connection. They hit it off — and now Demi and Nick are hooking up.”

Demi was married to 16-years-younger Ashton Kutcher before he left her for the fat younger Mila Kunis; then she hooked up with 31-year-old rocker Sean Friday, 36-year-old Pink Taco owner Harry Morton—who also dated Demi’s daughter Rumer, and 31-year-old art dealer Vito Schnabel.

Nick is Demi’s youngest, so far, because her next boyfriend just graduated from seventh grade.

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Last year, two songwriters, Sean Hall and Nathan Butler, sued Taylor Swift for ALLEGEDLY ripping off the lyrics to “Shake It Off” from the 2001 3LW hit “Playas Gon’ Play.” Taylor, who loves to sue, but hates getting sued, tried to get a judge to throw the lawsuit out.

The two men say Taylor’s chorus of “Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play. And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate” was suspiciously similar to the chorus they wrote, “Playas they gonna play, and haters they gonna hate” and they wanted credit … coins … for their work.

And again, TayTay, who loves to earn her coins from suing over intellectual property is not in the mood to play play play … and her lawyers are arguing that the phrases “Players, they gonna play” and “Haters, they gonna hate” are too short to get legal protection on, and therefor they don’t belong to anybody.

Unless, you know, TayTay says she wrote them.

Swifty’s lawyers also argue that Sean and Nathan can’t monopolize the ideas of players playing and haters hating because there is only one person in the music industry capable of attempting to monopolize the act of hating, and that’s Taylor Swift.

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Paris Hilton recently got engaged to Leftovers actor Chris Zylka who ALLEGEDLY proposed with a $2 million ring.

Clearly, Paris is the one with the coins in this pairing so clearly she bought the ring, gave it to him for the proposal, and then flashed it all over social media.

But if you remember that Paris was once besties with Lindsay Lohan, who has a penchant for thievery, especially, of jewelry, it seems only fitting that Hilton has hired 24-7 security to guard her ring.

Hasn’t she heard of a safe? Doesn’t she know that Lohan is out of the country? Why didn’t she just let her fiancé buy the ring, and then, if it was stolen, you’d just have to shell out another $199 to Zale’s?

Just sayin’.

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Last week the women, and men, to be fair, wore black in solidarity of women and the sexual abuse they face, the discrimination they face, and the pay inequity they face, not just in Hollywood but everywhere.

Still this is Snark, so we’ll deal with Hollywood, and Ridley Scot’s film All the Money in the World. You’ll remember it co-starred Kevin Spacey until we learned what a creeper he was to young boys. Then Ridley cut Spacey from the film and replaced him with Christopher Plummer trouble was, the film was finished, so Scott asked some of the films co-stars, Nark Wahlberg and Michelle Williams, to come back and reshoot some of their scenes with Plummer.

And of course they’d get paid for their work … and therein lies the rub.

Rumor has it that while both are equally billed in film—even though Williams is getting raves and Wahlberg is not—and both returned to film for the same number of days—Mark Wahlberg was paid $1.5 million while Michelle Williams was given a check for … wait for it, it should really piss you off … about $80 per day, for a total of about $1,000.

Even worse, none of the other actors brought back in were paid, and even Ridley Scott, the director, wasn’t paid. But Wahlberg’s team of lawyers and agents and accounts negotiated that hefty fee.

Women in Hollywood might be wearing black every day especially given that Williams and Wahlberg are represented by the same agency and that agency worked a huge payout for their male client and basically no deal for their female client.

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The New York Times recently published an op-ed entitled “Publicly, We Say #MeToo. Privately, We Have Misgivings” written by Daphne Merkin, who feels that #MeToo will lead to the end of flirting.

Right?

In France, the movement is cause for great concern because many … many women … think flirting is life …and maybe flirting is coming out of your hotel bathroom naked and asking your employee for a handy … I guess.

A collective of about 100 French women signed an open letter published in Le Monde rejecting what it sees as a new puritanism in the wake of the sexual harassment and assault scandals:

“Rape is a crime. Insistently or awkwardly hitting on someone is not.”

And there were many women of note who signed on to this nonsense, like doctors and lawyers, female politicians, even Catherine Deneuve.

Um, ladies, no one is saying that flirting is out, but they’re saying that asking for a rubdown, exposing yourself, groping a woman, touching a woman, without her consent is no longer happening.

There’s a difference between a simple bit of flirtation and whipping your dick out and asking an employee to suck it.

Last time I checked that wasn’t flirting.

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Hugh Grant is going to be a dad for the fifth time at 57-years-old. This will be his third child with 35-year-old girlfriend Anna Eberstein; they already have a two-year-old daughter and a five-year-old son, but this is where it gets itchy …

Hugh had a “fleeting affair” with Tinglan Hong which resulted in a child being born in 2011; Hugh and Tinglan didn’t pan out and so then he met Anna and they had their first child in 2012.

Then Hugh and Tinglan got back together for the second half of their fleeting affair in 2013 and they had another child.

But, alas, that was over, and Hugh went back to Anna and they had a child together in 2015.

Now in 2018, he and Anna again are going to be parents.

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Disney always knows how to make coins. They make a feature length cartoon and make billions from that and then turn it into a Broadway show and then a live action film; they bag tons of money for the same project.

But Disney needs to learn a very simple lesson: blackface is over.

So far, Disney and Guy Ritchie are making a live-action version of Aladdin and took some heat for casting a non-Arab Princess Jasmine and then adding a new random white character to, you know, get white people in the seats. But this is too much …

There are accusations that Disney is making up extras to look more brown. The accusations come from a background actor named Kaushal Odedra who says when he arrived on-set he noticed an awful lot of white background actors. And then, a few hours later, those same white actors were suddenly brown:

“Aladdin was the perfect time to show diversity but also be accurate. They’re being out of touch with what’s going on around them.”

But Disney has an excuse … and it’s just about the lamest nonsensical POS I have ever heard:

“Great care was taken to put together one of the largest, most diverse casts ever seen on screen. Diversity of our cast and background performers was a requirement and only in a handful of instances when it was a matter of specialty skills, safety and control (special effects rigs, stunt performers and handling of animals) were crew made up to blend in.”

Oh, so they admit to using brown people as extras but when it comes to crew and animal handlers and the like, only white folks were available?

Try again Disney. When you making a film set in the Middle East about Middle Eastern people, why not, oh I don’t know, cast Middle Eastern actors in the parts. Except then the fear is that white people wouldn’t see the film and so there’s be fewer coins to be had.

Shame on you, Mouse House.

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Tonya Harding Is back y’all, and why we’re suddenly celebrating this criminal is beyond me.

But she’s the topic of a new film and so she’s being interviewed by everyone everywhere, though maybe some aren’t thrilled by the idea.

Like Piers Morgan of Good Morning Britain who wasn’t afraid to remind everyone that it’s really Nancy “WHYYYYYYYYY” Kerrigan who is the victim.

Piers kept trying to get Tonya to admit she was involved in the 1994 pipe attack on Nancy. Tonya’s ex-husband Jeff Gillooly said she knew all along of the conspiracy to take down Nancy and even Tonya said in her 2008 autobiography that she wanted to tell authorities about the pending assault but didn’t because Jeff threatened her life.

Still, Piers was having none of it:

“Maybe it suits you to play the victim. But I think the victim in all this wasn’t you. It was Nancy Kerrigan who had her Olympic dream shattered.”

But Tonya is delusional and has been playing the victim card for decades, so she will never admit that she planned it, knew about it, and wanted it done.

Girl, bye.

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We haven’t heard from Kanye in a while, not that I’m complaining, but here he is again, going after people for their fashion sense, even if he’s married to the perpetrator.

Apparently, Kim Kardastrophe revealed that she received an email from her husband … they don’t actually speak? … in which he put her on blast for her sunglasses:

“[Kanye] sent me a whole email like, ‘You cannot wear big glasses anymore. It’s all about tiny little glasses.’”

And instantly she was in tiny glasses because, you know, what Kanye says ….

Clearly, because now all the Kardastrophes are wearing tiny glasses like the Tiny Man ordered.

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It's Snarkurday!

Our national nightmare is over … Johnny Depp and Amber Heard have settled their divorce. 

Amber, having dropped her domestic violence restraining order, will get $7 million; she claims she’ll donate some or all of it to charity which begs the question: Why drag your ex and your marriage through the mud for money you’ll just give away when you could have just walked months ago?

Oh, because you know she won’t give the money to charity unless the charity is the Amber Doesn’t Have a Job and Needs A Place To Live Fund [ADHAJANAPTL].

Now both sides are talking through their lawyer’s asses, with Amber’s team saying she was happy to settle because she wanted everything to be over, and my team saying, AGAIN, then why drag it all out, Amber? Oh yeah, coins.

Johnny’s team also spewed their version of events saying Depp wanted the settlement from the start except that he never really did.

And then because they don’t know when they have a good deal and should keep their yaps shut, Amber’s lawyers issued another statement:

“We are very pleased that this matter has been settled and Amber has been vindicated in the Court of Public Opinion. The case was incredibly challenging and demanding on everyone involved, but mostly on Amber who showed great grace and strength under fire. It was an honor to represent her.”

Oops. The lawyers then tried to take back the statement when they realized they had yet to receive a check form Johnny meaning, yes, I’ve said it before, it was always and only about the coins.

Speaking of nasty relationships … Chris Brown and Nia Guzman, the mother of his daughter Royalty.

They fought over child support … child custody … child asthma — Nia claims Chris gave their child asthma by exposing her to weed and cigarette smoke ... and now a judge has ended it all declaring … wait for it … Chris Brown the winner.

Nia took Chris to court requesting full custody of Royalty with monitored visits for Chris … she requested that Chris submit to drug testing ... she requested that Chris’ mother be denied visitation with Royalty.

The judge said No … No … No. And, after hearing all those No’s, including Nia’s request that Chris pay for her attorney, Nia realized she would not be getting any Brown Coins this time and dropped her request to have her child support upped from $2500 a month to $16000 a month.

Who knew that a judge would ever come down on  the side of Chris Brown?

But still … no drug tests for Chris Brown??? This really is a new day.

Justin Bieber got all kinds of pissy last week after posting pictures of himself with his new girlfriend, Lionel Richie’s 17-year-old daughter Sofia.

It seems Bieber fans — Plural? Really? — kinda made fun of Sofia on social media and so The Biebs came down hard on the fans:

“I’m gonna make my Instagram private if you guys don’t stop the hate this is getting out of hand. If you guys are really fans you wouldn’t be so mean to people that I like.”

And the Bieberheads were not amused:

Every time beliebers disagree with Justin on something he pulls that " if u were real fans " line  #RIPBeliebers

DID HE JUST COME FOR US, AFTER WE HAVE BEEN THERE FOR HIM HIS WHOLE ENTIRE CAREER #RIPBeliebers 

Justin would rather spend time with a shady hoe he met last week than the fans who stayed by his side his whole career. #RIPBeliebers

First it was Taylor Swift and now it’s Bieber feeling the social media wrath.

Maybe the world is righting itself?

In other messy breakup news … Cosby kid Keshia Knight-Pulliam and her former NFL linebacker soon-to-be ex-husband Ed Hartwell.

In divorce documents, Keshia is accusing her husband of trying to cause her to miscarry her unborn baby. Now, Rudy, er, Keshia isn’t exactly saying what she’s accusing Hartwell of but she does claim that he “has been plotting to harm and obstruct [her] pregnancy” with “certain underhanded and unusual conduct” to trigger a miscarriage.

Um. I’d like the dressing on the side of my Word Salad please.

Keshia says in legal docs that during their short marriage, Ed was constantly cursing, yelling and demeaning her and that he had affairs with multiple women, including a former baby mama, and says Ed has multiple firearms and that she feels unsafe and wants an order forcing him to turn all the guns over to her.

Huh, and after all that she made a baby with him? Oh Rudy.

Out promoting his latest film, Hugh Grant appeared on Andy Cohen’s Watch What Happens Live and the serial bachelor, and father of four or five by three or four spate women, claimed that the key to a successful marriage is letting your partner play the field and plant his seed wherever he chooses.

Seriously. But, better than Hugh’s idiocy — I love the idea of a never married man who cannot keep his unsheathed dick in his pants offering marriage advice — was Grant’s assessment of his former co-stars.

As photos of Drew Barrymore, Julia Roberts, Julianne Moore, Meryl Streep, Renee Zellweger and Sarah Jessica Parker came on screen Hug was asked to discuss them. He squinted at a photo of Zellweger and acted like he’d never seen her new face before.

Andy: Who’s the most down-to-earth of those women?

Hugh: Uh, down-to-earth? That’s pushing it. Uh, who’s the one second from the right cause I’ve never seen her before in my life.

Andy: Second from the right is Renee.

Hugh: Oh, Renee! Not exactly down-to-earth. Out-to-lunch.

Ouch.

Dear God, Hollywood is doing another remake … a remake of a remake of a remake.

A Star is Born first came to movie theaters back in 1937 starring Janet Gaynor as the future superstar who hitches her wagon to the fading has-been Frederic March. Seventeen years later the film was remade staring Judy Garland as the newbie and James mason as her alcoholic husband.

Twenty-two years after that Barbra Streisand obtained the rights and remade the film again starring Barbra Streisand, with songs by Barbra Streisand and clothes by Barbra Streisand and  … oh yeah, Kris Kristofferson was there too as the alcoholic husband.

Then, forty years after Barbra ruined the film came word that Clint Eastwood was going to remake it starring that brilliant actress stripper Beyoncé. Luckily that tanked and the idea of messing with Judy’s classic disappeared until …

Bradley Cooper decided he wanted to direct it and offered the lead role to … dear God, Judy and Janet are rolling  over in their graves and Barbra is crafting a voodoo doll out of old Oscars … Lady Gaga.

Gaga will … I can’t breathe it hurts too much … will write new songs for the film which will, unless Judy and Janet’s ghosts do something, start production early next year in California.

Seriously. The first one was good; Judy’s was a masterpiece; Barbra’s was a salute to all things Streisand; but Gaga’s?

I smell the stink already.