It's Snarkurday!

I remember years ago, when she was appearing on American Idol, there was the thought that maybe Paula Abdul was a little tipsy.

And maybe she still is, because last week, while performing the second date on her Straight Up 2018 tour, Abdul fell off the stage right in the middle of lip-syncing one of her, um, hits.

It all happened when Paula was dancing, er, walking, across a stage covered in billowing silk scarves. But that isn’t what tripped her up—see what I did there?—it was the fact that she just kept walking, off the edge and into the crowd.

This tour doesn’t look good for Abdul. The first show was cancelled due to what she claimed were production issues with the venue. It seems Abdul claimed the venue wasn’t big enough to hold some of her stage props, but shouldn’t that have been taken care of before, oh, I dunno, booking the venue?

Still, a bigger venue would have meant a larger stage and maybe Paula would have been able to stay Straight Up.

And see what I did there?

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Queen Latifah has been quite shy about her personal life, especially when it comes to the fact that she’s a lesbian. She has never acknowledged it, even though she’s been in a long-term relationship with former LA Lakers cheerleader Eboni Michaels. And even though there are all kinds of photos of Latifah and her, ahem, gal pal, getting cozy on a yacht a few years back. But how is she gonna spin this story, if she even deems to discuss it?

It appears that Eboni is with child and it is rumored that Latifah and Eboni might be headed to the altar as well.

Will she ever talk about it? I dunno, but it pisses me off because it continues the stigma that there is some shame involved.

Open your mouth, Queen, it’s fine out here.

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Megyn Kelly will do and or say anything to get people to watch her show, but she may have gone too far this past week when she said she saw nothing wrong with white people donning blackface for Halloween.

Kelly says she remembers a simpler time when white people could adopt another race because it was fun; kind of like that simpler time when white people owned black people?

To make matters worse she had a roundtable discussion of blackface with, wait for it, it’s totally Fox News-ish, four white people. She didn’t even think to get the opinion of a black person?

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Well, she did when the Today Show let Al Roker and Craig Melvin have a go at Kelly, whom many have now dubbed #BlackfaceBecky. The following day, during the first hour of Today, Melvin and Roker took Kelly to task for being tone deaf and, well, dumb.

Al said: “The fact is, while she apologized to the staff, she owes a bigger apology to folks of color round the country. This is a history going back to the 1830s minstrel shows to demean and denigrate a race. It wasn’t right. I’m old enough to know have lived through Amos ‘n’ Andy, where you had white people in blackface playing two black characters, just magnifying the worst stereotypes about black men—and that’s what the problem is. That’s what the issue is.”

Melvin said: “There was some criticism yesterday online that this was political correctness run amok. That’s silly. It’s disingenuous and it’s just as ignorant and racist as the statement itself. In addition to her being a colleague, she’s a friend. She said something stupid. she said something indefensible. A lot of folks don’t realize that Jim Crow is shorthand for the racist laws that have existed in this country for much of the last century, especially in the deep south; they termed Jim Crow from a minstrel show in the 1830s. I guess it was an opportunity for us to learn a little bit more about black face—but I think a lot of people knew about black face.”

And so, in order to keep her face, and racist asshattery in the news to drum up viewers, Kelly faux-pologized: “One of the wonderful things about my job is that I get the chance to express and hear a lot of opinions. Today is one of those days where listening carefully to other points of view, including from friends and colleagues, is leading me to rethink my own views. When we had the roundtable discussion … about the controversy of making your face look like a different race as part of a Halloween costume, I suggested that this seemed okay if done as part of this holiday where people have the chance to make themselves look like others. The iconic Diana Ross came up as an example. To me, I thought, why would it be controversial for someone dressing up as Diana Ross to make herself look like this amazing woman as a way of honoring and respecting her?”

Faux-pology; Kelly should have said “I was wrong. I’m sorry.” And then shut her cake-hole. Instead she rambled and then ended with telling the NBC News staff that she is “honored to work with all of you every day.”

Especially the black ones?

Still, it did speak volumes that NBC let two of their on-air talent take another, ahem, “talent,” to task for being tone-dead and brain-dead. But, Megyn probably scored a few more viewers for her show so she’s no doubt happy.

UPDATE: Megyn Kelly is out at NBC News, but she’ll be taking her full $69 million paycheck with her unless network bosses can prove she somehow violated her contract.

Oh NBC, between Lauer and Kelly you spend more money on firing asshats than you do hiring them.            

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This kills me … That Woman is ALLEGEDLY bought Sheila Kolker, a close friend, a facelift.

Wow. Can you imagine that gift exchange? Kolker probably unwrapped the souls of dead babies for That Woman, and then That Woman says …

“You could use a nip and tuck.”

Everyone needs a friend like that. But, to be clear, Kim and Khloe and Kourtney and Kendall and Kylie’s Koven mother didn’t give the gift out of a sense of love, she gave it so it could be filmed as part of Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes. It’s all, and only, about ratings and ego.

And some kind of Devil worship, too, I imagine.

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Lastly … as the TV season began,  the folks behind Modern Family said a “significant character” was going to die this season, which may, or may not, be the last for the series.

My money was on Manny, because he was cute as a kid, but as an adult …no so much. But it wasn’t Manny …and it wasn’t so shocking and it wasn’t a really significant character.

It was DeDe, played by Shelley Long, Mitchell and Claire’s mother, and Jay’s ex-wife. And she died off-screen before the episode even started.

Seriously? Calling Lon’s character “significant” is a bigger stretch than get Starr Jones into an evening gown. Long appeared in seven of the show’s more than 200 episodes.

The dog has had more screen time.

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I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

Kelsey Grammer. I used to like him, but now he seems to be an arrogant jerk who has taken to throwing his mistress, now Wife #4, into Wife #3's face at every turn.
On the first season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, we saw Kelsey invite then-wife of 13 years, Camille, to New York to be his date at the Tony Awards in 2010. Only Kelsey had already been seeing his mistress at that point, and she had been living with him while his wife and two kids were away in LA. Kelsey then proceeded to dump Camille after making her play the role of wife one last time, in public, for his big ego night.
So, was it really any surprise that on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Kelsey blatantly laid out the timeline for his romance with his now fourth wife, Kayte, the British flight attendant 27 years his junior?He told Kimmel that he met his soon-to-be new missus at Christmas 2009, fully six months from the June 2010 Tony Awards, when he finally broke the news to Camille.
Sadly, Kelsey also admitted that the new Missus Grammer's nickname for him is “Pop” because, as much as Kelsey gets around, he really could be.
And now Kayte's "Pop" might be forking over $50 million to Camille.
Gives one something to think about, eh, Kayte?

Al Roker's a bitch. There, I said it.
The New York Post is reporting that the TV weatherman recently pissed off Van Halen founder Alex Van Halen when he refused to swap seats on an American Airlines flight.
The altercation took place on Monday, after Roker hosted the Rose Bowl in Los Angeles. On his way back to New York, he found himself seatedbetween Van Halen and his wife, Stine Schyberg. Alex complained that he and his wife wanted to sit side-by-side, and rather than switch seats Roker pretended to play with his phone. 
So, a flight attentdant stopped by to ask Al if he might move to another aisle seat, but Roker refused, since doing so would have placed him slightly closer to another passenger's dog. Al says he's allergic to canines.
Luckily Van Halen and his wife found a couple in business class willing to trade them seats and Al got to fiddle with his phone--probably playing some kind of phone game with Alec Baldwin--in peace.

Tiger might be annoyed by this one.
His ex, Elin Woods had purchased a 17,000 square foot, $12 million mansion in north Palm Beach, and then...........demolished it.
Now Elin will be building a bigger tribute to Tiger's money on the empty lot.
Realtor John True, who was at the house on Halloween for a charity event says, It was a beautiful place, incredible landscaping, fantastic ocean frontage. I heard that the original plan was to renovate. But once they started, I heard they decided to tear it down.”
Elin is living in a multi-million dollar condo nearby, waiting for her new manse to be built.
Of course, not be outdone, Tiger is building his own new home on Jupiter Island worth nearly $50 million; compared to him Elin is practically frugal.
At least as frugal as being able to buy a $12 million house and then tear it down.

Poor Ashton Kutcher. 
He cheats on his decades-older wife for years until she's finally had enough--or wakes up from her substance induced dementia....ALLEGEDLY--and then she divorces him and now he wants to spend time with his new lady-friends and his old step-daughters.
But Demi ain't playing.
According to Mike Walker in the National Enquirer, Ashton begged Demi to spend some time with his former stepdaughters over the holidays and was firmly denied. It was the stepdaughters who told their mom that there was no way they were going to see him.
Cheat on mommy and daughters diss step-daddy.
It's the oldest game in the book, Ash. Or, is it that now that you're free of Gradma Demi, you can seriously date her daughters?

This story just will not die.
That whole Jada Pinkett-Will Smith mess. I mean.
Last summer,when the reports first came out about their marriage troubles, Will and Jada gave a sort-of-denial. They were spotted out together when cameras were around and threatened to sue those who said they were splitting.
The story faded.
Then the story grew, saying that Will was leaving because of Jada's ALLEGED affair with Marc Anthony--which may have been the cause of the JLO dumping.
Now, they seem not to be hiding the fact that they aren't together at all. Will is living it up in Miami, acting like a bachelor and maybe hitting up a “hot blonde”.....guy.....and now folks are saying it's Jada who is seeing the divorce lawyers.
Like I said, this story won't die, so, is there some truth here?
And do I really care.
Maybe, and No.

Loose Bits

I am tired of the continued coverage of the fires in California.

I used to live out there and the fact is that the mountains around Los Angeles catch fire every year. If it's September, it's fire season.

Now that doesn't mean I don't feel for those people who've lost their homes, because I do. I just get tired of the media playing this up like it's a big surprise.

LA burns every year.

It isn't news, it's old news.

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And, speaking of fires and the media, Al Roker.

I think when he lost all that weight part of it included his brain because just yesterday, on the Today Show, he uttered the line, "Fire is dangerous."

I'm glad he told me because I was just about to take a nap on the BBQ grill.

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Carlos and I rented The Soloist.

Never heard of it? It was in the theaters barely long enough for people to get popcorn. It stars Robert Downey Jr, who I used to think of as cute but now I think of as sexy--yes, sexy--and Jamie Foxx, whom I cannot stand. And here's why.

You didn't think I wasn't gonna tell you, did you? This is my rant. It's what I do.

Robert Downey Jr has these things he does in a movie where you forget you're watching an actor acting. You even forget it's Robert Downey Jr. Jamie Foxx, on the others ACTS. He's all show and no substance. I didn't buy him as a homeless cello virtuoso any more than I bought him as Ray Charles. He's Jamie Foxx and he's ACTING.

Boring.

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Whitney Houston on Good Morning America.

I wanted to like it, really I did. I've made many a crack about Miz Whitney, but I like my divas to rebound. I mean , I stood by Liza through all her rehabs and failed performances and marriages to gay men, shouldn't I offer the same to Whitney?

But her performance on GMA was not so good. She asked to pre-tape the performance because she doesn't sing in the morning and they accommodated her. But her voice was cracking all over the place and the high notes were up on a shelf in a box marked "Do Not Need These Anymore."

I hear her album is selling very well.

I hope she makes it.

I love my divas.

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Speaking of GMA.

Diane Sawyer is leaving GMA because Charlie Gibson is leaving World News Tonight.

No, they aren't running off together, though that would be some story.

Apparently Charlie wants out of the news anchor biz and Diane wants in. That means that of the three network newscast, two will be anchored by women.

Harry Reasoner must be spinning in his grave.

Barbara Walters must be spinning in hers, too.

I kid.

Walters isn't dead. Really.

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Little Paris Jackson was in Las Vegas last week, because, well, that's where all little girls go to relax and rejuvenate and get their hair done.

But Miss Jackson doesn't get the traditional haircut, because she isn't a traditional girl and no matter how much Pimp Daddy Joe blusters, and Katherine Jackson smiles, those kids will never be normal.

See, as Paris' locks fell to the floor in the salon her bodyguard was there to swoop them up and bag them. The bag was then removed from the store along with the newly shorn Paris.

Why all the fuss?

DNA. Gotta keep the baby daddies guessing Who's Sperm Is Whose.

It's just sad.

Normal is one thing Paris Jackson will never be.

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Paris Hilton.

Lindsay Lohan.

Oprah Winfrey--hasn't it been nice this summer with No Oprah, or Noprah?

Mark and Jenny Sanford.

That's all.