Why Is It ...

… that my idea of time management is hoping that the tomorrow-me is more responsible than the today-me.

… that it’s just me and my ‘I forgot and I don’t remember’ against the world.

… that you need to learn that if you call me and start talking to people in the background, I will hang up.

… that I ignore subtle hints so that maybe you’ll speak up and be direct like an adult.

… that there are three places you can stay for free and they are: in your own lane, out of my business, and over there.

… that today I am choosing kindness but, you know, it’s still early.

… that people need to know that I’m not friendly, but I am cool so you can speak to me but don’t keep talking to me.

… that I like to make sure everybody is as confused as possible when it comes to me.

… that I know I am not the only one who whispers ‘fuck off’ to myself about certain people at least twenty times a day.

… that I am only just now realizing that my spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

The Funny Papers

Michael de Adder, Nick Anderson, Ed Wexler, Rick McKee, Ken Catalino, Ed Hall, Darrin Bell, Jack Ohman, John Cole, Clay Bennett, Dave Whamond, Steve Sack, Deb Milbrath, Mike Thompson, Marc Murphy

He Could Have Saved 54,000 Lives By Doing Something Earlier?

If the United States had implemented social-distancing measures on March 1—just two weeks earlier than it did—54,000 fewer people would have died from COVID-19 by early May, according to a new report from disease modelers at Columbia University.

And, when asked about the report, _____ responded by attacking a reporter and calling it “fake news” and the White House followed suit later by issuing a statement blaming China and the World Health Organization.

Remember the truth … _____ did nothing when he first heard about this …then called it a hoax …then said it would disappear … then said it wasn’t his fault … then blamed China … then used briefings as campaign rallies … then blamed Obama and tried to deflect ... then touted his success …and then played golf.

And 98,000 people are dead.

Sidenote: it took just 80,000 votes caross three swing states to give _____ the White House, far fewer people than have died because of his ineptitude. I’m not saying that those 80,000 are among the dead, but more people have died than put him in office. We can change this course in November,

The Funny Papers

 

Paul Fell, JD Crowe, Bob Gorrell, Jack Ohman, Steve Breen, Nick Anderson, Theo Moudakis, Kevin Siers, Michael de Adder, Marc Murphy, Paul Szep, Clay Bennett

Tuesday Thought #3