My What a Big Butterfly You Have

Bobservations

On Christmas Day the Fat Bastard tweeted that he would be going “back to work” the next day, Tuesday, but ...

On Tuesday, he played golf … Wednesday, he played golf … Thursday, he played golf … Friday, he played golf … Saturday, he played golf … Sunday, he played golf … Monday, he played golf.

In fact, the Fat Bastard also golfed on the two days before Christmas, making it nine out of the last 10 days on the links even though he promised not to golf at all as president:

“I’m going to be working for you. I’m not going to have time to go play golf.”

I knew he was lying but what about you Deplorables? How do you like the lying fool now?

On this same kick …. When asked if the president has a bit of a transparency issue when it comes to his $90 million a year golf addiction—paid for by We The People—his Lying Minion Sarah Huckleberry Sanders said:

“I think it’s the press that has an issue with his time on the course. The president is extremely proud of the accomplishments we had during 2017.”

And then she claimed that his successful …. Her word …first year in office was due to the “relationship building” he was able to do on the golf course though she could not name one single important meeting the Fat Bastard held while golfing.

Yet the Deplorables still rally behind his ass.

While scrolling through the TV listings last week, looking for one of the nerdy shows he likes to watch, Carlos stopped on this:

NBA: Rockets at Celtics

And he said, sadly, out loud:

“NBA Rockettes? What is that?”

I am still laughing.

Vice President Mike Pence and Mother Pence spent the holiday in Aspen and they received a lovely welcoming note from the neighbors.

Neighbors posted this message on a stone pillar that sits at the end of driveway:

Pitkin County Sheriff's Deputy Michael Buglione said you couldn’t miss the sign, and noted that the man and woman who live in the home brought chili and corn muffins to deputies and Secret Service agents posted at the end of the driveway. Pitkin County Sheriff Joe DiSalvo said one of his deputies was present when the man who lives in the home came out and first draped the banner over the stone pillar:

"He was real sheepish and thought he might be confronted by the Secret Service or deputies who'd tell him he couldn't do it. When they said, 'We're not here to control your free speech rights,' they came out with chili and began feeding them. They've been really nice to us."

That just makes it all the more special!

That and knowing Pence and Mother Pence were annoyed by a “gay” sign outside their vacation rental.

More gay good news … South Bend, Indiana Mayor Pete Buttigieg announced on Facebook that he is marrying his boyfriend Chasten Glezman:

“He said yes! Can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with Chasten Glezman.”

Congrats to the happy couple!

Let me just say this to those, and you know who you are, social media whores out there … and you know who you are … I never had to be taught that filming a dead body was sick, and I never had to learn that making jokes about a suicide victim was disgusting. I just always knew was sick and vile and wrong. So, stop with the I’m sorry bull shiz, you’re just looking to salvage your followers.

I also know, without ever having to be told, that you don’t rake children, especially, your own relatives, over the coals because, wait a second, they’re children. And then you don’t have to apologize for being a dick.

Best that the two of you, and, again, you know who you are, to close all your social media accounts until you learn how to act human.

I guess you could call it getting buff in the buff, because Hanson Fitness in New York City will be holding naked personal fitness classes to kick off 2018. The fitness studio will have its first nude personal training session. The studio initially plans to host three sessions a week: one mixed, one for men, and one for women.

Mixed? Men and women? Hell, no ….

But, if guests are uncomfortable training in the complete nude, nude-colored underwear is permitted.

And what exactly is the point of that?

So, we know Orrin Hatch, the GOP’s longest-serving senator, is retiring, but did you know it was a personal smackdown to _____?

Hatch was under heavy pressure from _____ to seek re-election in order to block Mittsy Romney from seeking that seat since Romney is no fan of the Fat Bastard.

Hatch, who had his lips pressed firmly to _____’s ass decided to retire after discussing the matter with his family … or because a recent poll showed that 75% of Utah voters did not want him to run again.

Yeah, that last thing.

Former Minnesota congresswoman, virulent homophobe, current “pastor to the United Nations” and victim of The Crazy Eyes, Michele Bachmann is considering running for Al Franken’s Senate seat … if God asks her:

“I trust in a big God. I feel like I was wildly successful [in running for president in 2012] … I didn’t win, but I moved the debate. So, I didn’t shed a tear when I left the contest because I felt like, you know, I fulfilled the calling that God gave me. So, the question is am I being called to do this now? I don’t know.”

Um, Michele? Honey? “Wildly successful”? Even God read that and She started laughing so hard she forgot to smite you.

Down in Texas some new laws will go into effect this year, like …

… a ban on texting while driving. That’s good, right?

…open carry for swords and machetes. Yes, seriously. Blades more than 5.5 inches in length are being permitted for open-carry in public places, though the law prohibits swords and machetes in most bars, schools, colleges, sporting events, polling places, race parks, correctional facilities, hospitals, amusement parks and places of worship.

… new. Lower handgun license fees; I guess for those who don’t own a machete.

They started off so good with the texting, which is a crime, but swords and guns? Go ahead, whip ‘em out.

Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner made a deal for her to become the first female president. Was she planning to run on the Cheap Crap Made In China Platform?

Siddown, grifter.

Carlos and I watched Hell or High Water over the weekend starring …. another …. Husband In My Head, Chris Pine, as a bank robber in West Texas.

Good, smart, funny, film, but, yeah, Chris Pine.

Random Musings

As is our habit, we decorate the house for Christmas the weekend after Thanksgiving, and, as is my habit, I become a combination of Martha Stewart, Joan Crawford and Adolph Hitler in my zeal to make the house look just so ... which may explain why Carlos disappeared during the tree trimming and only returned as the last ornament was hung.

Now, lest you think it’s all Poor Carlos, listen up … listen up … We were decorating the outside, hanging lights and stringing garland on the front porch. We have these two large bows we put on the porch pillars, but since they spend so much of the year folded up inside a box, it takes a minute to flatten them back out, and then puff them up so they look like bows.

After doing the first one, I took the second one out of the box and said to Carlos:

“I’m gonna take this bow into the house so I can straighten it out and get it ready to hang on the pillar with the other one.”

Carlos looked at me and said:

“You only have one bow up there.”

Uh huh. It’s not just me.

PS This is me decorating for Christmas. Just sayin'.

Texas Congressman, and Republican … because, of course … Joe Barton apologized last week for sending a nude selfie that ended up all over social medial he claimed the person who leaked it was a woman with whom he had a consensual relationship:

“While separated from my second wife, prior to the divorce, I had sexual relationships with other mature adult women. Each was consensual. Those relationships have ended. I am sorry I did not use better judgment during those days. I am sorry that I let my constituents down."

The photo is that one down there, with the ugly little bits crossed out, of Barton pointing his camera up toward his face from below his genitals alongside a text reading:

“I want you soo bad. Right now. Deep and hard.”

Seriously. This is what a grown ass man does? But then he’s a family values Republican separated from his second wife who admits to have had consensual sexual relationships with other women while awaiting his divorce.

Hypocrites. The lot of them.

Well, well, well … Dictionary.com has announced their Word of the Year and we can thank Ivanka ‘Grifter’ _____ for it.

See, Ivanka’s choice to remain involved in her father’s presidency and act like his littler lap dog helped make “complicit” the Word of the Year!

Cuz, you know, she’s complicit.

A painting of Christ by the Renaissance master Leonardo da Vinci sold for a record $450 million last week. The painting, called "Salvator Mundi," Italian for "Savior of the World," is one of fewer than 20 paintings by Leonardo known to exist and the only one in private hands.

But still … $450 million? That money could not have been used for something better?

Oh the problems of the 1%. Or the 1% of the 1%.

Okay, this whole CGI [computer generated imagery] business in filmmaking has gone too far and I will not stand for it.

Apparently the shorts that Armie Hammer’s character wears in the new film Call Me By Your Name were so short that some of his, um, er, anatomy kinda spilled out of the bottom of them and director Luca Guadagnino had to digitally remove Hammer’s balls from certain parts of the film.

Really? On the upside, rumor has it that if you look hard enough, you might be able to find them elsewhere.

This is a true story but mostly it’s just a blatant attempt by me to post another photo of yet another Husband In My Head, Armie Hammer.

Well, the half-wit-half-term former governor of Alaska, Mama Grizzly Bore™ was in DC recently and many in the media wanted her take on all these new cases of sexual harassment and assault; this is what she had to say:

“You know, I think a whole lot of people know that, I’m probably packing. So I don’t think there’s a whole lot of people who would necessarily mess with me.”

Yeah, that’s not why, you gasbag.

One of my favorite things about the internet is all the crazy that pops up … as in this story that came about this week when My Husband In My Head, Prince Harry announced his engagement to American Meghan Markle.

According to Twitchy editor Greg Pollowitz, Harry and Meghan’s children may be American citizens, giving them the chance to rule not only one country, but two. And it’s a way for England to Make America English Again.

To Pollowitz and his special brand of crazy, I say, “Sod off, you wanker.”

Eric ‘The Dumb One[?]’ _____, AKA on the interwebz as Forest _____ coming down on the side of stupid in the aftermath of his father’s use of the word Pocahontas to describe Elizabeth Warren at that White House event celebrating Navajo code talkers.

Forest, er, Eric, Tweeted:

“The irony of an ABC reporter (whose parent company Disney has profited nearly half a billion dollars on the movie “Pocahontas”) inferring that the name is “offensive” is truly staggering to me.”

What I find ironic is the Eric doesn’t seem to realize that the Disney film Pocahontas was called that because it was about Pocahontas, and it was used as a slur against anyone.

.Seriously, he’s that dumb.

After that, I need a palate cleanser of hot men …

Brandon Quinn, top left, plays the love interest of Kevin’s sister on Kevin [Probably] Saves The World. Why he couldn’t have been Kevin’s love interest annoys me.

Daniel Francis, top right, is a British actor who plays Dr. Facilier on Once Upon A Time, a show noted for hot men in leather pants.

Alexander Skarsgård, bottom left, plays my BFF Nickie Kidman’s husband on the HBO show Big Little Lies. He’s not a nice man, rather abusive, in fact, but damn … he’s fine.

And then we have Tom Riley, bottom right, who plays Charlie the cancer patient on the BBC show Ill Behaviour, now airing on Showtime.

I feel better, and a little tingly, now.

Random Musings

Since 2009, the Lucille Ball Memorial Park in her hometown of Celoron, New York has been an attraction for all the wrong reasons: the statue of Lucy.

The original Lucy statue, above, was sculpted by Dave Poulin and, well, as you can see above it’s less I Love Lucy and more Night of the Living Dead Lucy. It.Was.Hideous.  And people revolted at the revolting artwork and soon an effort was made to get a new Lucy in the park.

This week, on August 6, 2016, which would have been Lucille Ball’s 105th birthday, word came that the Lucy statue was gone, having been replaced by one sculpted by Carolyn Palmer and actually looks like Miss Ball.

It was a great day in the park; people gathered music played, birds flitted about and then … What? Huh? … The old statue isn’t gone! Celoron Mayor Scott Schrecengost simply had the ‘new’ Lucy placed in the park and kept the old Lucy in place, too.

So, now you get two Lucy’s for the price of one; one will make you laugh and one will eat your brains.

You choose.

I haven’t been watching much Olympics, seeing bits and pieces here and there, but one day, while channel surfing I came across a Germany’s Olympic men’s field hockey team and two of its players whom I just adore.

Linus and Florian … also known as Butt & Fuchs.

I don’t know why I’m intrigued, but I am … And I am intrigued by math and so, if you take Butt and Fuchs’ numbers, 3 and 23, and multiply them you get …

See why I am intrigued?

Oh, that wacky We-Don’t-Care-About-Pedophile-Priests Catholic Church!

A 95-year-old Catholic priest in Guam recently admitted to sexually abusing boys decades ago. He said he confessed his sins to other priests but none told him to specifically stop.

Wait. So when you rape little boys you don’t stop unless someone specifically asks you to stop???

Yup; the Reverend Louis Brouillard says his fellow priests told him to “do better” and say a bunch of Hail Marry prayers.

I’m thinking “Oh hell no, Mary.”

But it’s the Catholic Church and they do have a thing for raping children and acting like it’s no big deal.

PS Brouillard cannot be prosecuted, even though he admitted to molesting 20 boys, because the statute of limitations right now for child rape is two years.

I saw this on Facebook the other day and, while it may be a simple graphic it says everything quite clearly.

 Also at the Rio Olympics … Elena Delle Donne, a Team USA basketball player recently voted the Most Valuable Player in the Women’s National Basketball Association has come out as gay and is engaged to marry her longtime partner, Amanda Clifton.

Even before coming out publicly, Delle Donne voiced her support for the LGBTQ community, especially in the wake of the Orlando massacre, which prompted her to donate blood:

“The shooting in Orlando makes me sick to my stomach. Absolutely devastating. Praying for the victims and their families.”

And Delle Donne says the coming out was just a matter-of-fact thing when a reporter came to her home for an interview:

“It was just one of those articles where they came into my home, spent a couple days with me, and Amanda … [She’s] is a huge part of my life, so to leave her out wouldn’t have made any sense. It’s not a coming out article or anything. I’ve been with her for a very long time now, and people who are close to me know that, and that’s that.”

That’s all it need be …except for the gifting of the Gay Agenda and the Obligatory Coming Out Toaster Oven.

Welcome out Elena, and congratulations on your engagement.

So, I saw the new Star Trek TWICE last weekend.

Okay, I only saw it once, but then I had to recap the movie for Carlos who fell ASLEEP … TWICE … during the film.

He said not to tell anyone so if he asks, you didn't hear this from me .....

Back at the Rio Games and some Hot Men …

Team USA’s men’s gymnastics team — Chris Brooks, Alex Naddour, Jacob Dalton, Danell Leyva and Sam Mikulak — has a novel new idea to get more people to watch them compete: wear less clothing.

At least that’s what US all-around national champion Sam Mikulak suggested:

“Maybe [we can] compete with our shirts off?”

I say why stop there. In Greece the athletes were nude and why not make the games truly authentic?

I mean Dannell Leyva has already shown us it can be done ...

Just saying …

The Height of GOP Stupidity, Part Two: The Summer of Love Festivities In Israel

Kevin "Skinny Dip" Yoder

Several members of the rightwing GOP, that holier than thou GOP, that GOP that wants to be the moral compass for the entire country, went on a privately-funded fact-finding mission in Israel last summer.

Tom Reed

Yet the only facts they seem to discover is that they are a bunch of drunken frat boys away from home and acting like fools. And now the FBI is investigating a late-night swim in the Sea of Galilee that involved drinking, numerous GOP freshmen lawmakers, top leadership staff, and one naked member of Congress.

That man is Representative Kevin Yoder from Kansas, who decided to shed his clothing and jump into the sea, joining a number of members, their families and GOP staff during a night out in Israel.

Other late night swimmers, sharing the waters with Nude Kevin Yoder, included the daughter of a fellow congressman--though she kept her clothes on. Other lawmakers, apparently looking for facts in the water, partially disrobed. 

Michael Grimm

Kevin Yoder: “A year ago, my wife, Brooke, and I joined colleagues for dinner at the Sea of Galilee in Israel. After dinner I followed some Members of Congress in a spontaneous and very brief dive into the sea and regrettably I jumped into the water without a swimsuit. It is my greatest honor to represent the people of Kansas in Congress and [for] any embarrassment I have caused for my colleagues and constituents, I apologize.”

What is most "regrettable" is that the people of Kansas elected this moronic frat boy to represent them.

Still, Yoder, unbelievably, has not been questioned by the FBI, who have been focusing on Representative Steve Southerland, of Florida, and his daughter--yes, he brought his daughter; Tom Reed, a congressman from New York, Ben Quayle of Arizona, Jeff Denham of California, and Michael Grimm, also from New York.

Jeff Denham

These, um, lawmakers are actually saying they went for their late-night, perhaps drunken, swim because of the religious significance of the waters. The smarter ones--I giggle, "smarter" ones--say they just wanted to cool off after a long day, but several of them admitted that maybe a little alcohol played a part in their party.

Steve Southerland

Majority Leader Eric Cantor, the senior most GOP lawmaker in Israel on the trip, was so upset about the antics that he rebuked the 30 lawmakers the morning after the incident, saying they were distracting from the mission of the trip. I think he was mad that he wasn't invited. You know he's pulled tighter than a zipper on a Star Jones dress.

Ben Quayle

And since Majority Whip Kevin McCarthy was also on the privately funded excursion, it means that two of the top three House Republicans were a part of this Summer of Love vacation. Though neither Cantor nor McCarthy went swimming that night, some of their staff did, which makes one wonder how well their staffs are chosen.

But that's the GOP. In this country they rail against wild behavior, and try to steer the morality of this country into a path they deem most suitable. But take them away from here, and get a little drink in 'em, and they become quite the representatives, and Representatives.

The height of GOP stupidity.

source

Weekend Tidbits

What a gorgeous weekend in Smallville.

It was almost eighty degrees yesterday, and with that whole Spring Forward--which sounds like an old Jane Fonda Aerobics move--it was almost like summer.

It was also errand day, with groceries and so on, plus a stop at the Homo Depot, which was just packed with a bunch of other DIY-wannabes cruising the aisles.

We checked out cobblestones for Carlos' Garden Path Project, as well as paint colors for the living room and the wet bar--yes, don't hate, we have a wet bar in the living room....it's like a time capsule to the 1960s--as well as cabinet hardware.

Of course, the hardware I liked was about $30 each and I need about ten or eleven, so, just as I was about to change my mind from cabinet hardware to piece of string, I looked online and found the same pulls for just over $6 each. Seriously. I'm down from $300 bucks or so, to sixty. It's good.

We also installed filters in the rain gutters along the front of the house. We are literally surround by trees of all sorts and need to clean the gutters quite regularly, but these new sponge-like filters will keep the leaves and pine needles out of the gutters and on the ground where they belong.

Until i have to rake them up.

Leaves-and-Needles: One; Bob: Zero.

And because it was such a nice day, Carlos grilled some salmon on cedar planks while I popped the cork off a nice Sauvignon Blanc from New Zealand--well, I didn't pop the cork so much as I unscrewed it, since so m many wines are becoming screw tops these days--and we ate a long leisurely dinner on the back deck.

Such a lovely Sunday.

Then, to cap it off, we ordered "Love & Other Drugs" off the DVR--it still shocks me that you can click a button on the remote and have a new movie play on your TV. That and microwave popcorn will make a sloth outta me yet.

The movie was good, if predictable. The old playboy meets girl who has a terminal illness and they hook up, and break up, and then get back together because the playboy learns there is more to the world than just his penis and the girl learns that there are actually people, well, men, who will think of them before they think of their penis....or at least think of them equally.

But, or should I say butt, there was a nice bit of Jake Gyllenhaal nekkidity, which raised the movie up--pun intended--for us. Jakey has a cute little behind, I must say.

Four stars for Jakey nude; two stars for story.

That was our Weekend of Domesticity, Sauvignon Blanc, Gutters and Naked Jake.
How was yours?