I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Well, Nicholas Cage, never a man of good, sound judgement—check out his IMDb page for proof—apparently married his girlfriend of, well, either one year or three years, depending on whom you ask. See, Cage and Erika Koike, the long-term, short-term girlfriend, made it official by getting married at the Bellagio in Las Vegas last weekend, but not without some drama … before and after.

According to multiple eyewitnesses, Cage and Erika’s journey to the altar started out rough with Nic, drunk and belligerent, screaming that Erika’s boyfriend … wait, what … was a drug dealer and insisting that he “wasn’t going to do it” while waiting inside the Clark County Marriage License Bureau.

But they persisted. Cage was filmed slowly walking behind his girlfriend-fiancé-wife, hands on his hips, muttering to himself.  A bystander says the couple filled out the marriage application in one of the machines—Hey, it’s Vegas baby—and the entire time Cage was yelling:

“She is going to take all my money.”

“Her ex is a druggy, her ex is a druggy.”

The future Mrs. Cage was also muttering:

“Baby I am not asking you to do this.”

And because they were loud and obnoxious, the couple was given a private room to finish their paperwork before leaving the courthouse as husband and wife! So ... congratulations to the couple, who’ve been together one or three years, except …

Four days later Nicholas Cage filed for an annulment because he wants to be 2019s Britney Spears. In his papers Cage says he was, ahem, “too drunk” to get married:

“[Erika] suggested to [Cage] that they should marry, [Cage] reacted on impulse and without the ability to recognize or understand the full impact of his actions.”

He didn’t understand? This was his fourth marriage! It should have been as easy as putting on your shoes. But then there’s the part of the papers where Cage claims his wife-not-wife is a fraud, who did not him know “the full nature and extent of her relationship with another person” and that she also has a criminal history she didn’t tell him about. Cage also says that the two have “such conflict in personalities and dispositions that are so deep as to render the two incompatible in marriage.”

And yet a few beers in and he’s racing to a Vegas courthouse?

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Last week we talked about how thirsty Mel B told Piers Morgan that she and former bandmate Ginger Spice, AKA Geri Halliwell, had hooked up and gone down there.

Well, this week, Ginger/Geri is not having it and she sent out a statement that the whole lesbian romp Mel B drooled about was a lie.

And now folks are spilling more tea; if fact, though I really know this for a fact because it’s about the Spice Girls and I’ve never heard a Spice Girls song, rumor has it that Mel and Geri had more than a hookup back in the day, and actually lived together in what was ALLEGEDLY a full-on year-long lesbian relationship.

And when that story resurfaced, suddenly Mel B was a’scurred for telling the tale and tried to quash it—though I kinda doubt that because Mel B is all about getting her name in the press—but it was too late. And now, cut to a pissed off Geri:

“It has been very disappointing to read about all these rumors again, especially on Mother’s Day of all days. Geri loves the Spice Girls: Emma, Melanie, Melanie and Victoria [Beckham]. She would like [the fans] to know that what has been reported recently is simply not true and has been very hurtful to her family. Moving forward, Geri can’t wait to see the girls and all the fans on the tour, have an amazing time with everyone, and make some new memories.”

Isn’t it nice how she tries to quash the rumor while still promoting the upcoming tour?

Sounds like Mel B and Geri cooked this whole thing up to earn a bit more free press for their lack of careers.

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I love a good real housewives spat and it doesn’t more real, and perhaps less housewife, than a spat between the former Real Housewives of DC, Nancy Reagan and Barbara Bush.

Apparently the late former First Ladies were anything but friends and never really hid their distaste for one another but, from beyond the grave, as it were, it looks like Barbara Bush may be getting in the last dig.

A new book is out about Mrs. Bush and it reveals why she thought Nancy hated her so much – including the time Nancy kicked her off the guest list to a dinner with Princess Diana! Yup, Susan Page’s new biography, The Matriarch, goes into detail about how Nancy made a point of making sure George H.W. Bush and Barbara were NOT allowed to that fancy-ass 1985 dinner for Princess Di and Prince Charles where John Travolta twirled her around the White House ballroom. And apparently Barbara Bush told Page, before her death:

“She hated us. I don’t know why, but she really hated us.”

The Charles and Diana dinner was a hot ticket in DC and protocol suggested that the Vice President and Second Lady be there, but Nancy personally took both their names off two separate guest lists before eventually moving them to a “suggested additions” list where they would get an invitation if, say, I couldn’t attend.

Yes, they were that far down the list. So far down that it was obvious Nancy hated them, and so far down that people tried to step in and get Nancy to pony up an invitation. Even deputy White House chief of staff Michael Deaver cautioned Nancy against excluding the Bush’s from the dinner, saying it would be a breach of protocol and she shrilled:

“Just watch me.”

Like a true housewife.

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Apparently, R&B singer August Alsina has released a new song about an affair he had with a woman and lotsa folks are guessing who she might be.

Well, here’s the tea … it’s Jada Pinkett Smith … ALLEGEDLY. For years the rumor mill has said that Jada’s marriage to Will Smith is open and swinging and anything goes. And now August released a cover of singer Kehlani‘s song, “Nunya,” where he talks about a former sidepiece who is missing out on all the hot stuff he has to offer, saying:

“Putting on a show

‘Cause you don’t want the world to know

That you lost a man who loved you all along

I gave you time to make me a priority

Put my feelings out there

You ignored it

Ain’t nunya business to know who I’m with."

Sure, that could be any woman, but the accompanying video features a text conversation with someone named Koren, and when one connects the dots one finds that Jada’s middle name is, yup, Koren. And, in the video August sends a GIF of Jada Pinkett Smith to the person in the text chat. And, August was on Jada’s Facebook talk show Red Table Talk where he talked about struggling with addiction and how the Smith family helped him during his struggles.

Do the math, Koren. Gif. Chat show. Help.

All equals affair … ALLEGEDLY.

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Gosh, right on the heels of trying to get yet another reboot of 90210 off the ground, only to have Luke Perry up and die, come new troubles for “actress” Tori Spelling.

Tori has been having trouble paying her bills for a long time now, and has been sued by a number of institutions like American Express and the Council for Bad Actresses Still trying to Sell Themselves to TV, and now it’s City National Bank coming after her. Spelling owed City National a shiz ton of money for years, and was supposed to have it paid off but, surprise, she has not.

But she didn’t, and now the California court system has issued a bench warrant for her arrest for not showing up to court. Tori was due in court on March 29 but didn’t show up and hasn’t finished paying off a $400,000 she and husband, serial adultery Dean McDermott took out in 2016. In 2017 the court sided with City Bank because the couple failed to reach a deadline of responding to the bank’s allegations and there was a default judgment against the couple of deadbeats.

And for most of us, having a court tell you to pay your debts would be enough for you to start sharing some coins, but not Tori and Dean. Instead of showing up to court she was in Tel Aviv to work with TV friend/co-star/has been Jennie Garth promote a children’s clothing line.

Now, Tori owes more than $260,000 to City Bank, which is a lot more than the almost $190,000 she owed before and that lead to the bench warrant and a new court date of May 1st.

Tori’s bail—if she can buy a ticker home—is set at $5,000. Hopefully she won’t try to take a loan out to pay it.

Hey, maybe she can reboot 90210?

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Joe Alwyn does not want to be a “celebrity.”

Joe Alwyn is an actor, having appeared in Mary Queen of Scots, Boy Erased and The Favourite, but again, Joe Alwyn does not want to be famous.

Joe Alwyn is dating Taylor Swift.

Huh; he’s an actor dating a pop star and he doesn’t want to be famous?

Go away, then, Joe Alwyn.

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I kind of enjoy when a celebrity puts their foot in their mouth, and when it’s someone like Barbra Streisand, it’s even better.

Last week, Streisand said that while she absolutely believes Michael Jackson’s Leaving Neverland accusers, James Safechuck and Wade Robson, she also wonders what’s the big deal:

“[Jackson’s] sexual needs were his sexual needs, coming from whatever childhood he has or whatever DNA he has. You can say ‘molested’, but those children, as you heard say (the grown-up Robson and Safechuck), they were thrilled to be there. They both married and they both have children, so it didn’t kill them.”

Being raped didn’t kill them so let’s just move on? Is that it, Babs? But then she dug in deeper, blaming the parents of the boys:

“It’s a combination of feelings. I feel bad for the children. I feel bad for him. I blame, I guess, the parents, who would allow their children to sleep with him. Why would Michael need these little children dressed like him and in the shoes and the dancing and the hats?”

Barbra doesn’t get it because there are people dressed like her, in her shoes, dancing in her hats, and they are all grownup people, not young boys being groomed for a pedophile’s bed chambers. And so, as happens when celebrities flap their lips without so much as a thought—though OI expect more from Streisand—she issued a “clarification”:

“To be crystal clear, there is no situation or circumstance where it is OK for the innocence of children to be taken advantage of by anyone. The stories these two young men shared were painful to hear, and I feel nothing but sympathy for them. The single most important role of being a parent is to protect their children. It’s clear that the parents of the two young men were also victimized and seduced by fame and fantasy.”

Nice, but really, she should have said:

“I uttered some stupid shiz because I forgot that these were children being raped by a grown man and you NEVER blame the victim, or anyone other than the perpetrators.”

Then she should just shut up and sing.

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Dr. Dre posted an Instagram—since deleted, go figure—over the weekend, of him and his 18-year-old daughter Truly holding her college admissions sheet for USC, with this message:

“My daughter got accepted into USC all on her own. No jail time!!!” 

A funny joke when you consider the scandal of well-to-do-parents paying thousands, and hundreds of thousands, of dollars to get their kids into college.

Now, to be fair, Dre didn’t bribe anyone or commit fraud or anything like that, but he did, along with his long-time business partner, Jimmy Iovine, donate $70 million to … you guessed it … USC.

That donation was made in 2013, so it was not a direct and obvious quid pro quo to get his daughter into college, but still …

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Remember Mel B went to rehab for sex addiction, having had a very intense and open and populated sexual relationship, er, relationships, during her recently ended marriage. And so, you’d think the last thing she’d want to yap about is her sexual proclivities, but, well, you want that press and so you take your business into the street.

Mel B was doing an interview with Piers Morgan, about that upcoming Spice Girls Minus Posh reunion tour, and spilled a sexual secret; a secret she, oddly enough because you know she needed the coins, never told in her memoir, Brutally Honest. She and Geri Halliwell went there:

“She’s going to hate me for this because she’s all posh in her country house and her husband. But it’s a fact. It just happened and we just giggled at it and that was it … We were best friends. It just happened. Have you ever done that? … Yeah and I’ve said it now. All done. She’s going to kill me and so’s her husband. She’s not that posh now, is she?”

And perhaps Geri might actually kill her because sources—and you know its Mel B because she never met a rumor she didn’t want to ride—are saying that after the show, Mel started calling Geri to explain what she’d done.

Oh Mel, you literally need to keep your mouth closed.

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After successfully ignoring the mad ramblings of Jose Canseco, who accused Alex Rodriguez of having an affair with his ex-wife, A-Rod and his fiancé-for-now JLo are facing new accusations of infidelity on his part.

Former Playboy bunny and current fitness coach/model Zoe Gregory claims that A-Rod was soliciting her for weeks and sent a dick pic as recently as 6 weeks prior to his engagement. Zoe provided a detailed account of A-Rod’s solicitations which she claimed occurred between December 26, 2018 and January 22, 2019 where he “was being like a dirty dog” and that “he seemed like a needy, horny bloke”. Zoe also claims A-Rod sent her a selfie “showing just his penis and his muscly thigh”.

Zo, who is British, may not realize that what he sent her wasn’t a selfie, but a dick pic. But he also showered her with compliments on her curvy figure and 36DD boobs; a WhatsApp message ALLEGEDLY sent from A-Rod says:

“Are you still thinking of your three names of fun girls for us?”

In another, he asks Zoe if her pal is “down” for a rendezvous, adding:

“She hot? Fun? How many times have you been with her?”

And, in addition to dragging A-Rod—and, to be fair, if this is true, he deserves to be dragged—Zoe has only love for JLo:

“J-Lo is amazing and she doesn’t deserve this. While getting ready to marry her, he was asking me for sex videos, demanding we hook up and asking me to make arrangements with other girls. If he is doing this right up until the point he is proposing to her it is just not fair.”

I can think of other ways to describe other than “not fair”.

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Earlier this week Elisabeth Hasselbeck returned to The View to hawk a book she’d ‘written’ and to spill the tea about the crush Rosie O’Donnell had on her when they worked together.

And it was a story about The View, for a book by Ramin Setoodeh that had Rosie being quoted as saying she had a “little bit of a crush on Elisabeth” and that were “underlying lesbian undertones” to their feud.

Um, okay, but then you just know religious wingnut Hasselbeck went nuts over that story and said:

“Rosie, I think it was disturbing to read those things and it was offensive to me, but … I totally forgive you, Rosie. … I really hope that we can be at peace and that we can both hold our beliefs in one hand and hold each other’s hand in the other and still have a relationship that’s at peace. … Even more than I want to be at peace with her, I hope she finds that peace because God wants that for her too.”

End sermon. I am annoyed that Hasselbeck is so offended by the idea that someone might have thought she was a lesbian, or that a lesbian might have had a crush on her.

Grow the eff up. But I’ll save some wrath for Rosie and her blustering ways because she said, of the ALLEGED CRUSH:

“I think there were underlying lesbian undertones on both parts. I think this is something that will hurt her if you write it. She was the MVP of a Division 1 softball team for two years that won the finals. There are not many, in my life, girls with such athletic talent on sports teams that are traditionally male that aren’t at least a little bit gay.”

Way to lump every single female athlete into the Lesbian Boat, Ro. As if we don’t get enough stereotyping from others, you’re gonna add to it?

Grow the eff up. But Rosie saw Hasselbeck’s interview, and she raised her a Tweet storm:

“hey eh - my crush on u was not sexual - sorry u got scared - surely u recall b4 it all went wrong - i never objectified u - i did find u fantastic - broadway shows - my pool -we were friends once god love ya kid - i always did.”

Still, Rosie, you tried to link a rabid religious wingnut with being a lesbian and we all know those things don’t go together because God Hates Fags.

And Hasselbeck hates being thought of as one, if even for a moment.

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