I Ain't One To Gossip, But ...

A little over a week after Jaime King—after a quick Smart Lookup I’ve discovered is an actress—filed for divorce from her estranged husband Kyle Newman—after a quick Smart Lookup I’ve discovered is a film director—and the requisite ‘parting ways amicably,’ and ‘please respect our privacy,’ the two decided to unleash the messiness.

The instant Jaime filed for divorce, she also obtained a temporary restraining order against Kyle, and sought sole custody of their two sons, but was denied; the dueling former lovers will have to try and play nice while co-parenting. And then all hell broke loose …

Jaime claims her marriage has been horrible for the last six years, and accuses Kyle of isolating her from professional contacts, employers, and friends. Jaime ALLEGES that Kyle flew to Canada in February—where she was filming a movie—and verbally harassed her in the lunchroom; she ALLEGES that Kyle followed her to a friend’s home, screamed at her, and then chased her down with his car; she ALLEGES that Kyle has berated her, told her she’s a bad mother, and that she now lives in fear.

For his part, Kyle ALLEGEDLY told Jaime’s family and friends that she was struggling with addiction and needed help. Kyle ALLEGES that Jaime is a chronic opiate and alcohol user who is not capable of caring for their sons and refuses real treatment; he has ALLEGED that Jaime used drugs while pregnant with their younger son, and they discovered their 20-week-old fetus was addicted to drugs in his mother’s womb. Kyle ALLEGES  Jaime has driven under the influence with the children in the car, and that she once left their son with his nanny during a doctor’s appointment to  make a booze run; he ALLEGES that the nanny had to track down Jaime after the appointment, where she was still shopping for booze. Kyle also accuses a drunk or high Jaime of improperly buckling their youngest into his car seat, not closing the vehicle door, and speeding off. She was flagged down by the nanny and a pedestrian, who saw the child hanging out of the vehicle.

Well, so much for amicable and privacy. Amirite?

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Someone is desperate for attention, but it’s a Kardastrophe, so that’s no shock.

During lockdown, Khloe Kardastrophe has found lots of ways to occupy her time: she’s been caught up in a paternity test as another woman claims Khloe’s Baby Daddy, Tristan ‘I can’t keep my dick to myself’ Thompson, is her Baby Daddy; rumors flew that Khloe was once again pregnant by her serial cheater boyfriend …the aforementioned Thompson; she was dragged over wasting toilet paper in a pandemic; and now this …

Khloe has a new face, y’all, and it’s Number Seven! After she posted the picture, above right, to Instagram to show off her new hair color, most folks were all “Who dis?” Is it FaceTune? Is it a Blow-Up Khloe Doll?

Nope, it’s just another new face, which completes the changing of Khloe Kardastrophe into looking nothing like Khloe Kardastrophe. But it may be a good thing, because now maybe Tristan ‘I can’t keep my dick to myself’ Thompson will think he’s boning a new girl, when he’s really boning the same old Khloe in a new plastic face.

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Y’all can rest easy, because Millionaire Troll Doll, Mary-Kate Olsen’s five-year marriage to Olivier Sarkozy is officially dunzo and she’s been able to secure herself a new place to live.

MKO is renting a mansion in the Hamptons for the Summer because, yeah, she’s a millionaire and no longer homeless.

But it must have been fun to play act like a regular person kicked out of her home by her soon-to-be ex-husband, but even though MKO could no longer live in her apartment she shared with Sarkozy, she did have her pick of an apartment she owns on East 49th Street, and a Bridgehampton home she owned. Pity poor MKO … until she coughed up $325,000 to rent that Hampton’s home.

Sorry, not sorry. One Percent problems don’t interest me.

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Elon Musk and Grimes attempted to seem very hip and cool … and kinda stupid … when they name their son, X Æ A-12 Musk, until the state of California stepped in and said, “Look, we drew the line as Apple.”

Or because you can’t use numbers in a person’s name.

Grimes says that in accordance with California law, their son’s new name is X Æ A-XII. See what they did? They switched out the Arabic numerals for Roman numerals. How clever, except …

The proud parents don’t know how to pronounce the name. Grimes says it’s pronounced: X-A-I A-Twelve, while Elon says it’s pronounced: X-Ash A-Twelve.

I think it’s pronounced: Will-need-therapy-at-age-twelve.

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And now, an ISBL PSA [Public Service Announcement:

Don’t come for comedian and actress Wanda Sykes unless she sends for you …especially if you’re right wingnut and has been actor, Scott ‘Chachi’ Baio.

It all began when presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden said that if you vote for _____, “you ain’t black”. Sykes, former producer/writer for the revival of Roseanne, defended Biden’s remarks on Twitter, saying:

“Biden feels at home speaking to the Black community. He made a joke. Comedy ain’t easy, but he didn’t say 2 go shoot Clorox in our tits. Now, I wouldn’t make a blanket statement to say that voting for [_____] means you’re not Black. I would say that it means you’re not smart.”

Snap. Wanda’s fabulous way with words irked one unemployed actor, Scott Baio, who, like his Orange Idol, took to Twitter to come for Wanda:

“Hey @iamwandasykes why is it okay for @JoeBiden to say something clearly racist but @therealroseanne gets kicked off of her own show that YOU are a writer on, for making a mistake? Is it because you're a full of shit, hack liberal?”

First off, grammar, man; and howsabout some punctuation, too?  Still, as I said, don’t come for Wanda unless she sends for you, because she replied:

“Oh! Hey Chachi. Apologies, I didn’t see you. I’ll keep it short. Joe Biden didn’t say, “Then you ain’t an ape.” Well, let me get back to work ... I hope you enjoy whatever it is that you do.”

Wanda’s ape comment is, of course, referring to Roseanne saying that Obama’s former advisor Valerie Jarrett  is “if the Muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby.” And when that happened Wanda quit Roseanne immediately; the star was fired, the show was cancelled and then revived as The Connors. The mistake ‘Chachi’ is referring to is that Roseanne’s racist ‘joke’ wasn’t racist because she thought Jarrett was white.

Chachi really should spend some time honing his craft … whatever that is …and let Wanda handle the funny and the political and the snarky.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Y’all know that the talk show hosts have been doing their shows from home these days, right? Well, one talk show host, the chic and stunning and impeccably mannered Wendy Williams is pissed at all of them.

In a recent interview with CNN—sinking low—Wendy shared some of her deepest nonsensical thoughts about how she’s managing to cope so beautifully as a remote entertainer … which is odd given she’s not even remotely entertaining. Still, Wendy had some doubts about doing her show hot mess from home because she calls it her ‘scared space,’ but when other hosts began doing the show-from-home thing she wasn’t happy with how their homes looked:

“Looking disgusting. I’m just saying.”

Wendy goes one step further by saying she’s better at this ‘from home’ stuff because she spent years on the radio; now, to be fair, she has a face made for radio.

“If it wasn’t for radio, I could not do this quarantine thing from home properly. I’ve so enjoyed this 11, going on 12, years of doing the talk show with the studio and hundreds of people and clapping…”

Hundreds of people? Counting is hard.

“I’ve so enjoyed that, but it is much easier for me as a host to be here at home, with no audience, because it’s always been about description. You know, I’ve been a radio host longer than I’ve been a TV host, so yes, right. Thank God for radio.”

Yes, because the less people see you, the better. Now, here’s another thought, trying doing a Silent Movie style radio show. I think that works for all of us. I’m just saying.

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It’s a One-Percent world and the rest of us are just trying to hang on.

David and Victoria Beckham are ALLEGEDLY worth $500 million dollars, but even the wealthiest of us need government assistance … right before we spend $20 million on a luxury Miami penthouse.

It seems that millionaire fashion “designer” Victoria Beckham asked for a British government handout during the pandemic to help furlough the employees of her fashion brand, and then plunked down $20 million on a new home.

Yup, Victoria’s fashion brand took $185,000 in government assistance over the span of two months to assist in paying her employees while she then wrote a check for $20 million. Like I said, it’s a One-Percent world. Still, to be fair, when word broke that Vicki went on the dole and then bought a penthouse, she declared she’d stop taking government assistance.

How big of her.

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Speaking of self-entitled media whores … Khloe Kardastrophe.

Despite the fact that toilet paper is one of the most scarce commodities in the pandemic, Khloe-Seeking-Attention, and her nephew Mason Disick, decided to TP Kourtney Kardastrophe’s house and then filmed it and put it all over social media because, again, it’s a One Percent world—though in this case I mean people whose brains only fire 1% of the time.

Here are some people responding to the stupidity that is all things Kardastrophe:

“Not that you care, @khloekardashian & @kourtneykardash, but my family had to use McDonald’s napkins for toilet paper last month. Congrats on being worthy of so much more than the rest of us that you didn’t think twice before posting your TP ‘prank’”

“khloe kardashian deciding to teepee kourtneys house with rolls of toilet paper just shows obnoxious & selfish rich people are even during a pandemic”

“Stores are limiting 1 pack of toilet paper per customer (when there’s any in stock). Meanwhile Khloe Kardashian is TPing her sister’s mansion”

Talk about self-entitled media whores out of touch. Better yet, don’t.

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As you all definitely know, presidential candidate Joe Biden has been accused of sexual assault by former Senate aide Tara Reade and, while some people get Tara Reade-with-an-E-at -the-end confused with aging starlet, former bad girl—pre-Lohan—and Shaknado “star” Tara Reid, Tara-no-E-at-the-end is out to capitalize on it.

Yes, capitalize on a sexual assault allegation.

Tara Reid is suing this mess to do speaking engagements, according to literary … did I spell that right … i-l-l-i-t-e-r-a-t-e … yes, talent manager, Philippe Ashfield:

“Tara Reid is set for motivational speaking on female empowerment and equal pay for women in Hollywood, after all she has been judged for being beautiful, blonde and female for many years before the #MeToo movement happened… Tara is set to make a major comeback in the next 12 months.”

Um, Tara Reid has been judged mostly for being an out-of-control wannabe and has-been who spent more time in the gutter than anyone—except Lohan—and whose biggest claim to fame is the time the straps on her slip dress slid off on a red carper, exposing her much-siliconed breast to the elements and she had no idea because … silicone.

Like that’s a TED talk I need.

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We all know that in recent months Ellen DeGeneres has been dragged across social media for claiming that isolating in any one of her mansions was like being in jail and for perhaps not being near as nice as she claims and screwing her TV  crew and staff during the quarantine, leaving them unpaid and uncertain if they’d have a job when this is over.

Well, foot stomp, head snap, Ellen does not like the criticism. A source—possibly Portia—says:

“Ellen is at the end of her rope. She thought this was all just sour grapes from a few haters. But it’s not a passing thing—the hits just keep coming.”

Look, I like Ellen, but she has shown herself to be out-of-touch and a bit self-entitled and a tad bit greedy these last few months. And while her quarantine shows are performing well in the ratings, I think she’ll be doing damage control for some time.

Like, perhaps, starting with an apology …?

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I’m sorry, I know they’re both adults, but that photo is all kinds of creepy. That troll doll on the right is 33-year-old …who seriously looks older … Mary-Kate Olsen, and the old guy is her, she hopes, soon-to-be ex-husband Olivier Sarkozy.

The lovebirds separated recently, and MKO—it’s too much to write her full name—wanted an emergency divorce filing granted after Olivier terminated the lease on their Gramercy Park apartment because she felt forced out with nowhere to go.

Sidenote: there are tons of bridges in New York were trolls can live.

But this darn virus has ruined MKO’s plans because her emergency order request  has been deemed “not essential” and with the courts in NYC closed, well, let’s just say the bridges are looking like a nice alternative.

MKO’s demand was rejected last month by Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Michael Katz because the “essential matter procedure” was not followed. Oops, a One-Percenter didn’t follow the rules? The only odd thing about that is that the One-Percenter was then treated like an everyday normal person.

But here’s what gets me … MKO wants the emergency filing because Olivier sold their apartment and she has nowhere to live and nowhere to put her things.

Seriously, a rich troll can’t get a U Haul and some POD storage lockers?

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