I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Lindsay Lohan isn’t okay with sharing the spotlight, especially at one of her favorite Hollywood night clubs.

A source—and you just know it’s fame-whoring momager Dina, after draining another box of chardonnay—says, the Liz & Dick cracktress put a wrench in E! reality star Francesca Eastwood’s birthday bash.

“Francesca was celebrating her birthday with around a dozen friends in a private area when Lindsay came over and started screaming that Francesca should leave,” Dina says. “She was yelling ‘I’m a star, she’s a nobody, get her out of here!’”

Lindsay Lohan? I’m.A.Star. I could die. Of laughing.

But Dina continues, “One poor guy came over and tried to calm [Lindsay] down and she acted aggressively. At that point the security told her to leave and it was totally embarrassing. She is acting like some bad ’80s film star, and it is hard to watch because she needs help.”

But before Lohan could scurry away like the nightclub cockroach she is, she and her driver—and I’ll give her points for having someone else drive—almost hit one of the valet guys as they left.

All of which begs the question:

Why is she such a cracktress? And why do folks keep hiring her? And why can’t I stop laughing that Lohan screamed “I’m a star.”?

More importantly, though, why do clubs still allow Lindsay inside?

Tom Cruise wants to be the Best Daddy Ever, and is taking great pains to make sure he wins the title, and, eventually, full custody of Suri.

While Katie enrolls Suri in school, and takes her on play dates, Tommy is whisking her away, in a private jet no less, to Disney, where he rents the unpurchasable Cinderella Castle Suite for his daughter.

She was treated like a princess while he acted like a queen.

But, in the wake of Katie’s Mission Impossible: Escape From Tom, he needs to revamp his image. I mean, let’s face it, when your wife needs to use burner phones and plan her escape while you’re out of town, it screams a little battered wife. No, and I don’t mean physically abusive, but perhaps emotionally and mentally abusive. The whole story of how Katie managed to slip out of a window, scale the fence, and bike ride from LA to NYC just to get away from Tom screams Lifetime movie.

So, Tom needs a new image. Good Daddy! Best Daddy. Take his daughter everywhere and give her everything while Mommy says ‘No’ to the puppy.

But, really, could a makeover make us believe that Tom would be a better parent than Katie Holmes. He’s all about fun and games and giving her everything while Katie enrolls her in school and dance classes.

But according to sources, Suri’s happiness isn’t all that Tom wants. It seems that Tom’s makeover into full-time caring Daddy is simply to wait for the day he can get in a courtroom and hoping a judge will ask Suri where she wants to live: with Daddy in FantasyLand, or with Mommy in the real world.

For Tommy, she’s not a daughter, but a trophy to be won so his image doesn’t continue to tarnish.

I love Anne Hathaway.

I love Joseph Gordon-Leavitt.

But, ALLEGEDLY JGL doesn’t feel so hot about Annie.

They may have been all smiles during the Dark Knight Rises press tour, but sources—and I think it’s Michael Caine—say JGL actually can’t stand Hathaway. He ALLEGEDLY feels that she acts like an insufferable snob toward him and that the awkwardness got so bad between them during filming that whenever she’d walk into a room, he’d immediately walk out of it.

“He thinks she’s a good actress, but he just doesn’t understand her ego,” says, ALLEGEDLY, Michael Caine. “Also, Anne was very dismissive of Joseph early in her career. She even turned down a couple of jobs where she was supposed to act opposite him.”

But with this movie, she was actually at a disadvantage because when JGL was cast he already had a long relationship with director Christopher Nolan. So, if Annie didn’t like him there wasn’t much she could do.

I dunno about this. It reeks of a made-up story because JGL and Hathaway seem like two nice, hardworking, cute—her—and adorkably hot—him—people. I would think that the press people made up the rumors to drum up business, but since Dark Knight has already made about a billion dollars they don’t need this kind of gossip…..

I don’t watch Dancing with the Stars but I’ve always thought Derek Hough was a big old homo. I know, he has a reputation for wooing the ladies, and even, ALLEGEDLY, dated his dancing partner on DWTS, Shannon Elizabeth, though she later admitted it was all for the show. And then he had a :::cough::: romance with Cheryl Cole which juts long enough for her to find someone better, or straighter.

And then there’s the story that Derek just loves his sister’s boyfriend, the ambiguously gay, Ryan Seacrest.

Insert beard jokes here:

But one thing Derek doesn’t like is being photographed. In a gay bar. I know!

Derek Hough, in some shiny silver pants, shook his bon-bon at Jam, a gay club in his hometown of Salt Lake City, but he went all RuPaul raging when a fan asked for a picture.

Though it’s been reported that he is dating “DWTS” contestant and opera singer Katherine Jenkins, she was nowhere in sight when Derek danced with his buddies at Jam. But fan Ken Lee was there and he wanted a picture with Derek.

“I’m a big fan of Derek’s, and I always thought or HOPED he was gay,” says Ken Lee. “Seeing him shimmying with his buddies at the gay club wearing skintight, shiny silver pants just made my mind scream!”

But when Ken approached Derek for a photo, the dancer “got all nervous and fidgety and stammered, ‘No, no, no — not here!’”

“I was really careful about approaching him respectfully,” Ken explained. “I went up to Derek and said, ‘excuse me’ and asked very nicely if I could have a photo taken with him. Well, he couldn’t have been more rude or a bigger diva! I was like, OK, he’s clearly not comfortable about having his picture taken in a gay bar. If you’re not gay, then what’s the problem? Derek’s behavior was very suspect Derek very well may not be gay, but he sure was dressed pretty and threw an impressive hissy fit when I asked for a photo!”

Silver pants. Gay bar. All boys.

Yeah, gay.

I love Robert Downey Jr. Even in his crackiest drug and alcohol induced stupors he was a better actor than most. And he’s also a bit nutty.

While filming David Fincher’s Zodiac, RDJr was not familiar with the—new at that time—way of shooting a film digitally. Fincher’s use of digital cameras meant less time for breaks, making the process very fast, and RDJr was not happy.

In fact, he was downright pissy.

So much so, that Fincher says RDJr would leave jars filled with urine around the set, in protest.

Yup. He’s a pisser all right.

And I still like him.

Katy Perry is still dating serial manwhore, and utterly fugly musician, John Mayer. And he is really not much of a step up from ex-husband Russell Brand. In fact, he’s a step down, to the left, and around the corner, in a dumpster.

But Katy’s happy so all’s well.

Except when Russell talks about her. See, that makes Katy mad. Even though she included footage of him in her movie after Brand asked her not to, and even though she parodied him in her music video, “Wide Awake,” in which she punched her Prince Charming in the face.

That’s all good, in Katy’s world.

But when Russell Brand scarcely mentioned her on Howard Stern’s show she went off. Though Russell tried to evade the questions, he ended up saying, “I don’t want anything to hurt her. She’s younger than me, she’s a young woman and she’s beautiful and she’s sensitive and I care about her deeply … I don’t want to be too glib.”

Nice, actually, especially, coming from Brand. But Katy was pissed anyway, and now she’s trying to legally prevent Russell from saying anything about her at all, anywhere, ever.

Hypocritical much?

To that end, Perry is seeking a gag order to stop Russell Brand from speaking about their failed marriage in public.

Yeah. I know.

The only saving grace is that when Mayer dumps Perry, and he will, you just know he’ll do a whole series of songs about his blue-haired crazy ex-girlfriend.

And then Katy will learn that Karma is a bigger bitch than she.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.......

What do you do if you used to be on TV and now you hawk sentimental jewelry on HSN? Well, you could drag your ass to every news outlet to report some gossip about people you don't know.

It seems former B-list actress, now D-list huckster, Jane Seymour, has decided to open her yap and add her two pence about the Arnold Schwarzenegger love child with the maid.
She says she knows there are more children out there who have Terminator DNA, and she used this used to get herself on CNN, where she said: "I was not even remotely surprised. The moment I heard it, that there was an announcement of their separation -- he was obviously jumping the gun before everyone else told the world of the news."
And then she dropped a bimboshell, which is kind of like a bombshell, only from a moron:  "From what I gather, I think there will be lots of information coming people's way. I heard about two more [out of wedlock kids] somebody else knows about. I even met someone who knows him well."
See? She knows someone who knows someone who knows him well, probably because they parked Arnie's car in Beverly Hills once.
Hey, Dr. Quinn? Heal thyself, and then STFU.

Rumor has it that newly selected 'X-Factor' judge Cheryl Cole has ALLEGEDLY been asked to dump her "boyfriend" of one year, the ALLEGEDLY light-in-the-ballet-slippers 'Dancing with the Stars' pro Derek Hough, so that so she can create a better image for herself.

Apparently a London newspaper, The Mirror, is saying that Fox executives are trying to make Cole the sex symbol of the show and bluntly asked her to break it off with Hough.
A source--and by source, I mean Derek Hough's ALLEGED ex-boyfriend--says: "Derek may be dreaming of worldwide stardom but he's seen as a small-time dancer on a TV show... and pretty uncool. TV executives are thinking that if she's going to win over Hollywood, she'd be better off doing it as a sassy and single girl-about-town."

Um, who says sassy single girl about town besides someone visiting from 1963?

But then the source backtracks, and says the execs want Cole to maybe date a different guy in Hollywood, like maybe one who isn't constantly battling the does-he-or-doesn't-he-like-the-mens rumor.
Cole is said to be devastated by the request to lose the Hough, especially since Derek held her hand while she went through a messy divorce last year and held her hair while she vomited during a bout with malaria.
Let's see, he holds your hand while you divorce and holds your hair while you puke?
Oh, honey, he's a mo. ALLEGEDLY.
UPDATE: Cole has been "let go" from 'X Factor' and will be replaced by Pussycat Dolls lead singer Nicole Scherzinger.
Now she won't have to give up her gay.


Hell hath no fury like a Kennedy woman with a cheating husband.

Isn't that the old saying? See, Maria Shriver seems to be living up to that adage.
When the story broke about their separation, it was sad enough. Twenty-five years of marriage down the tubes. But then new details began to emerge, about things like schtupping the maid, and fathering children and maybe misappropriating states funds a s governor to pay off your baby maid mama.
And who is doing all this leaking of news? Well, some folks--and by some folks, I mean TMZ, and they would know--say it's Maria Shriver who is airing the dirty laundry.
According to TMZ, a "hysterical" Maria wanted to hold a press conference after learning the truth about the true paternity of Mildred Patty Baena's son, but was convinced to just leak the story to a pair of media outlets. 

And then, just as suddenly, negative stories about Mildred began appearing in the press, and people are speculating that that kind of bad press is the kind used by PR people and media insiders. People who usually work for high-powered public officials.
One such media insider--and it may be Jane Seymour--says: "Arnold and his people have long been known to fight hard to make sure they got rid of any negative stories about him. No one is more aggressive than Arnold's team, which explains why he has been able to hide this story for over a decade."
And a A-list publicist--and by A-list publicist, I mean, mailroom clerk at CAA--says: "Anyone that thinks these stories are just popping up by themselves is naive. This is obviously an attempt to distract attention from the man who caused all this and direct it to Maria, who has done nothing wrong. Just because it's worked for him in the past, it's not going to work this time."
Who do you think is the leak? Arnold? Maria? Deep Throat?
Or me?


Does anyone seriously think that going on a TV show to find a spouse is a good thing, and that it actually works?
:::cricket::::

It's not working this time...either. It seems that Emily Maynard, who won the hand of Brad Womack, after knowing him for a few weeks while he dated twenty-five other girls, made out with about a dozen of those, probably schtupped a few, and the settled on her, has given him back the engagement ring.
It all began when Maynard was spotted running errands in Charlotte, N.C., without the rock that ABC bought for Brad Womack to present to her on 'The Bachelor' finale.
Oh, but she didn't give the ring back to Brad, she returned it to the network.
Aaaah, love. Or at least made-up-for-ratings TV love.
Sources--and by sources I mean every news agency that Maynard and Womack have on speed dial in their efforts to become famous for sixteen minutes--claim that the couple's long-distance relationship was just too hard to continue, and that Maynard ALLEGEDLY initiated the breakup after visiting Womack in Texas.
Hmmm, she lives in North Carolina and he lives in Texas. Yeah, that would have worked.
The lesson to learn? The Bachelor, and The Bachelorette, are sham shows and no one ever gets married and lives happily ever after. Except for that first girl.


Someone is a bitch.

And it's either Zach Galifianakis or January Jones.
It seems that during an interview, Jones called Galifianakis the funniest man she'd ever met, and he ALLEGEDLY called to thank her for the compliment.
But then the bitchitude started.

It seems that at some recent star-studded Hollywood event, like the People's Choice Awards, or the opening of a new Piggly Wiggly, Jones called Galifianakis over to her table, and then things went sour.

Let's have Zach tell the story: "I sit at her table and talk for 10 minutes, and she goes, 'I think it's time for you to leave now. So I say, 'January, you are an actress in a show and everybody's going to forget about you in a few years, so f-cking be nice,' and I got up and left."
Ooooh, suh-nap!
i don't know who this Galifianakis fella is, but he just might be my new hero.
Plus, he knows how to rock the red one-piece, and that's hard to do.

I guess it pays to be a wacktress of some infamy. At least if you're Lindsay Lohan.

It seems the jewel thief and prescription drug abuser was actually spared serving her four-month sentence at the Lynwood Jail this week, and was instead ordered confined to her own home for the next four months.
Really? Jewel thieves can stay at home as long as they wear the monitoring anklet?
"She is now confined to the interior premises of her home at all times," LA Sheriff's spokesman, Steve Whitmore.
Wow. The horror! Forced to stay in her Venice Beach home. I wanna be a drug addict, DUI'er, jewel thief and kidnapper, so I can get the Venice Beach jail.
And there are reports that Lohan could spend as little as two weeks on house arrest if she displays good behavior. Good behavior? In her own home? What does that mean? She has to clean up after she eats? She needs to share the rmeote? She has to be nice? Okay, that last one might be hard.
And, of course, she will still have to complete her 480 ordered hours of community service at a downtown LA women's shelter and the county morgue.
The morgue? Maybe she can look for her career while she's there.