It's Snarkurday!

Sarah Jessica Parker has been accused of a lot of things … she’s wound awfully tight … she can be a huge bitch … and she’s a snobby shoe saleswoman … but is she also … shades of Lohan … a jewel thief?

Maybe so; it seems SJP is being accused by jewelry brand Kat Florence Design of stealing accessories worth $149,501.96.  And you know they mean business because they nailed it down to the penny!

Kat Florence Design ALLEGES that Sarah borrowed some pieces from them in 2016 for after wearing the jewels in a photo shoot and never gave them back. They say SJP asked to “personally borrow several pieces of the jewelry to wear for a few months and then return all the pieces.” They agreed to two months and now it’s been two years that Parker has had the gems, so Kat Florence filed a lawsuit in April; the company’s attorney had this to say:

“It is our position in this case that after a photo shoot as part of the endorsement agreement, Ms. Parker requested that she could personally keep some of the pieces of the jewelry for a few months to wear personally. We agreed and documented what she had. This happened in March 2016. Over two years later, the jewelry was never returned to us. We believe that as Ms. Parker has kept the jewelry since 2016 that she should pay us for it.”

Well, SJP is shocked, shocked I say … or at least her attorney is because he said:

“This is just plain false. SJP was under contract to Kat Florence and was asked to keep the jewelry so that she could wear it on red carpets and other events when appropriate. Sarah Jessica Parker is as honest and trustworthy a person as anyone I have ever met. She has never and would never hold onto anything belonging to someone else. In fact, she has been asking ever since Kat Florence wrongfully stopped paying her to have the pieces returned, but Kat Florence didn’t seem terribly interested in getting them back.”

Um, ambulance chaser? They wouldn’t have asked for all their money back, to the penny, if they weren’t interested in getting it back; and what do you think they do, allow celebs to just take jewelry and wear it and never pay for it?

That’s some business model.

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This year’s New York Fashion Week, save for the Cardi B—the ‘B’ is for Brawl—fight with Nicki Minaj, was pretty dull as fashion weeks go, but there was another bit of drama.

Marc Jacobs normally gets to be NYFW’s big “closer” but this year the honor went to Rihanna’s Fenty show and it looked like Marc Jacobs ALLEGEDLY turned it into a pity petty party.

Jacobs’ runway show was set to start at 6PM but for some reason was delayed for ninety minutes, leading many to assume the designer was simply out to ruin Rihanna’s show. See, Jacobs shows typically run like clockwork, but this year, with Rihanna snagging the grand finale did Jacobs delay his Manhattan show so people wouldn’t be able to get to Rihanna’s Brooklyn show by its 7:30 PM start time?

Booth Moore, from the Hollywood Reporter, tweeted about Jacobs’ delay, sharing an image of some of the designer’s empty front-row seats as many in attendance, annoyed by the late start, beat feet to Rihanna’s gig. Still, many celebs stayed to await the late Marc Jacobs, including Nicki Minaj, Emily Ratajkowski, Sofia Coppola and Anna Wintour, although Nuclear Wintour was seen pacing and making phone calls before finally taking her seat as the show started.

Jacobs took to Instagram, as they do these days, to explain his tardiness:

“I sincerely apologize to anyone and everyone who was inconvenienced by my lateness at our Spring/Summer 2019 fashion show. For anyone interested, below is not a list of excuses but rather a list of facts. I fully understand people have plans, lives, commitments, flights, families to return to, etc and that I fully RESPECT …

1. The night before the show at midnight, I believed that we would absolutely be starting at 6pm, as planned and it was my intention to do so. 

2. At 3:30pm on the day of the show, I became aware that we would most likely be an hour late. In good faith and hope it was communicated that the show would start at 630pm and that was a mistake. 

3. After years of being beyond punctual and once again, with every intention of remaining so, the fact is, more is always expected from us with fewer and fewer resources. That is not unique to me personally or us as a company. I have learned that I need to adjust to our realities.

4. It was my wishful thinking that we could accomplish all that needed to be done for this show with the circumstances we faced. I was wrong. Not because everyone didn’t make every effort or give it their all and more, life is just that way sometimes. I’ve always been told that, “if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” With our shows, I always strive to present 7-10 minutes of live fashion theatre that hopefully makes some kind of statement or touch the audience in some way both aesthetically and emotionally. I think we all have to be a little more sensitive and flexible to the fragile state of the live experience. 

I hope anyone reading this will reflect on my thoughts as I have on yours. 
Sincerely and respectfully,

Marc”

Notice, though, that all his explanations never fully explained why he was late. My money is on the diva-ness of it all, given that he was always the closer and now that upstart Rihanna has taken his place.

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I’ve talked Les Moonves before, and what a pig he is to women in general, Janet Jackson, in particular, and now how much of a misogynistic pig he was to Linda Bloodworth Thomason.

She’s the creator of Designing Women, and was, for a time, one of the most powerful women in television. She had a great contract with CBS and lotsa support from CBS executives … until Moonves was made president. Now Bloodworth Thomason has written a piece for The Hollywood Reporter about how Moonves ruined her career because she’s a woman and he hates women:

“This is not the article you might be expecting about Les Moonves. It’s not going to be wise or inspiring. It’s going to be petty and punishing. In spite of my proper Southern mother’s admonition to always be gracious, I am all out of grace when it comes to Mr. Moonves. In fact, like a lot of women in Hollywood, I am happy to dance on his professional grave. And not just any dance — this will be the Macarena, the rumba, the cha-cha and the Moonwalk. You get the idea.”

In 1992, Bloodworth Thomason was given the largest writing and producing contract in the history of CBS for some $50 million. Designing Women was a huge hit for CBS and her Evening Shade was the best new comedy that year. She says CBS chairman Howard Stringer and president Jeff Sagansky attended several Designing Women tapings and had given her carte blanche to tackle any subject, including sexual harassment, domestic violence and pornography.

But by 1995, Stringer and Sagansky were gone and a Les Moonves had taken over. Bloodworth Thomason was producing a new pilot titled Fully Clothed Non-Dancing Women and was concerned how Moonves—a fan of titty bars, or so she’d heard—might feel about the show.

Well, the answer is the show never aired, and Bloodworth Thomason was out at CBS and would not work again for seven years. She ALLEGES Moonves waged against her, turning down every one of her scripts and refusing to allow any CBS-contracted actor to work with her, noting that both Bette Midler and Huey Lewis requested to work with her and were turned down by Moonves. She also ALLEGES that Moonves would not hire any actress who didn’t want to “f–k” and how he once told a popular actress that she was too old to be on his network … and then forcibly kissed the woman.

And she points out that, under Moonves, all the shows featuring and starring brash, funny women were scrapped in favor of male-dominated series.

“I just feel angry. The truth is, Les Moonves may never be punished in the way that he deserves. He will almost certainly never go to jail. And he has already made hundreds of millions of dollars during his highly successful and truly immoral, bullying, misogynist reign.”

Still, again, it’s nice to see the pig fall. And, jail or not, career or not, his legacy will be that of a pig.

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Kristin Davis is thirsty for work and clearly still nursing a grudge that Kim Cattrall nixed the idea of yet another sequel to Sex and the City because, to commemorate the 70th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards, Davis posted a throwback photo of herself with her SATC co-stars … except Cattrall was not in the photo.

Davis chose a photo of herself, Sarah Jessica Parker and Cynthia Nixon at the 2004 ceremony; to be fair, Cattrall wasn’t cut out of the image, but while she was at the Emmys that year, and photographed with her co-stars, Davis skipped those pictures and went Cattrall-less.

Like I said, she’s thirsty for work …or another fifteen minutes.

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Faye Dunaway still can’t shake the Joan Crawford-ness of it all, decades after Mommie Dearest.

Last year, Faye “broke up” with her hairstylist because of a nasty spat over the bill and now she’s taken her drama to a new salon.

A source says the staff at the luxe Warren Tricomi salon have had it with Dunaway getting snippy with them. They say on one day, she changed her appointment ten different times, and then finally announced that she was ready and demanded service. When managers told her that she cannot order the staff around, Dunaway Reese Witherspoon’ed them:

“Do you know who I am? I am Faye Dunaway!”

In addition, Faye brings her infamous food scale to appointments and measures out salad and other food, letting the excess drop where it will, and then demanding the staff clean up after her.

And while you may think this isn’t true, the salon’s owner, Edward Tricomi, told the newspapers:

“Faye is fine. I’ve known her 40 years or better. Look, everybody has their moments in time, but Faye is fine. She is not a problem.”

Not exactly a denial, though. And, when reporters called Dunaway for her take on the story, she hung up on them.

She’s Faye Dunaway! Dammit!!

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Woody Allen’s a pig, we all know that, but let’s offer up one more example.

It’s about who fathered Rona Farrow with Mia; if you ask Woody, he’ll say he’s the daddy. Mia says there is a “possibility” that she made Ronan with her ex-husband Frank Sinatra but both Sinatra’s widow and his daughter Tina said there was no way Ronan is a Sinatra. And if you ask Ronan, he jokes:

“Listen, we're all ‘possibly’ Frank Sinatra's son.”

Now, for why Woody is a pig, other than that whole sleeping with his adopted daughter mess … he says he considers Ronan to be his kid, but he wouldn’t be surprised if a DNA proved otherwise, but that news would piss him off because … wait for it … oink … oink … he’s spent so much money on Ronan:

“In my opinion, he’s my child. I think he is, but I wouldn’t bet my life on it. I paid for child support for him for his whole childhood, and I don’t think that’s very fair if he’s not mine.”

It sounds like the only one of Mia’s kids he has no regrets paying for is Soon-Yi.

Just sayin’.

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I Didn't Say It ...

Michelle Obama, former fabulous First Lady, comparing the former president to the current one:

"I always sort of felt like the eight years that Barack was president, it was sort of like having the good parent at home. You know, the responsible parent, the one who told you to eat your carrots and go to bed on time. And now perhaps we have the other parent in the house," she said. People thought it would be "fun" to have Trump in charge, she said, "because we can eat candy all day and stay up late and not follow the rules." 

Sadly, it’s more dangerous than that.

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David Berry, actor who plays Lord John, a gay man on Outlander, on acting attracted to Sam Heughan’s Jamie:

“I don’t think you need much direction to look at Sam longingly. [Laughs] He’s a beautiful man. I can say that as a straight man… I imagine John with a sense of desire, but also in a sense of longing for love, and I think that’s what really connects people. When you see it it’s a longing for love and that’s someone you can universally empathize with, and that’s what I like about the character, so that doesn’t really take a lot of direction it just takes a lot of trying to get inside the thoughts and things of a character like John. I think we can all relate to that.”

True; it’s love that we all want, and everyone should be able to relate to that.

And I’d have no trouble at all looking longingly at David Berry.

Just sayin’.

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Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, the drag queen whose exit from RuPaul’s Drag Race turned into a meme, on why she kept saying her name as she backed off the runway:

“Hell no, there was no f**king meaning. When I tell you I was at the end of the runway and I was thinking … well first of all, I didn’t anticipate getting kicked off first, so I didn’t plan my exit, I didn’t plan what to say, I didn’t plan what to write on the mirror with the lipstick message. I didn’t plan any of that. So literally when I got there, I turned around and saw RuPaul and saw Christina [Aguilera] and saw everyone was looking just at the judges, I decided to give them my name, and I said “F**k it. Might as well have these bitches remember me.” So I just started screaming at the top of my lungs “Miss Vanjie,” over and over. And I was depressed as hell, so that’s why I was looking so damn sad!”

I imagine it’s sad to be the first one sent home, but the funny part is that now the remaining queens stand in the workroom and repeat over and over, “Miss Vanjie. Miss Vanjie. Miss Vanjie.”

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John Boehner, on joining the board of marijuana growing firm: 

“I’m joining the board of #AcreageHoldings because my thinking on cannabis has evolved,. I’m convinced de-scheduling the drug is needed so we can do research, help our veterans, and reverse the opioid epidemic ravaging our communities.”

And they’re paying me buttloads of cash. I mean, he’s a Republican and his evolution is clearly cash based.

I’m a cynic; deal.

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Seth Meyers, on the detail that wasn’t revealed in that 60 Minutes interview with Stormy Daniels’ lawyer Michael Avenatti … i.e. the fact that Stormy could describe _____’s dick in detail:

“Great detail? I think you mean horrific detail. I don’t want to think about Donald _____’s penis because if I do, something tells me I’ll never be able to eat hot fries ever again.” Also, she can describe it in great detail? You know what that means? They did it with the lights on.”

The best description is that of a wee Cheeto lying on a Brillo pad.

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Ronan Farrow, journalist, coming out as bisexual at an event for the Point Foundation, where he was honored with the Courage Award:

“Being a part of the LGBT community—which recognized that reporting I was doing early on and elevated it, and has been such a stalwart source of support through the sexual assault reporting I did involving survivors who felt equally invisible—that has been an incredible source of strength for me. LGBT people are some of the bravest and most potent change agents and leaders I have encountered, and the most forceful defenders of the vulnerable and voiceless, because they know what it’s like to be there.”

Welcome out, Ronan, and, of course, please accept as our gift the Official Coming Out Toaster Oven and a copy of The Gay Agenda.

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Dino Sajudin, former _____ World Tower doorman, on another sex scandal plaguing the Fat Bastard:

“Today I awoke to learn that a confidential agreement I had with AMI [The National Enquirer] with regard to a story about President _____ had been leaked to the press. I can confirm that while working at _____ World Tower, I was instructed not to criticize President _____’s former housekeeper due to a prior relationship she had with President _____ which produced a child.”

Knocking up the housekeeper? Who is he? Schwarzenegger?

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I Didn't Say It ...

Ronan Farrow, on Harvey Weinstein’s move to smear his alleged victimns before the story, er, stories, broke:

“He began to hire private security agencies to collect information on the women and the journalists trying to expose the allegations. According to dozens of pages of documents, and seven people directly involved in the effort, the firms that Weinstein hired included Kroll, which is one of the world’s largest corporate-intelligence companies, and Black Cube, an enterprise run largely by former officers of Mossad and other Israeli intelligence agencies.”

All that to cover-up the fact that he is a sexual predator.

And one wonders why victims, especially victims of powerful men, don’t come forward? Maybe it’s because the arsenal people like Weinstein collect to victim blame.

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Ken Paxton, Texas Attorney General, urging Texans to bring more guns into churches:

“All I can say is, you know, in Texas at least we have the opportunity to have concealed-carry, And so if it’s a place where somebody has the ability to carry, there’s always the opportunity that gunman will be taken out before he has the opportunity to kill very many people.”

Yes, more people with guns firing them in a tiny, crowded church is the solution.

Oh, Texas, this is what you want? This is what you believe?

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Michael Che, SNL’s Weekend Update co-anchor, coming for _____:

“I’m tired of watching the president of the United States have an emotional breakdown on Twitter like he’s Tyrese. If you want to live-Tweet ‘Morning Joe’ or ‘Cupcake Wars’ or whatever you watch, fine, but indictments are important and you work for us. So go put on your baggy suit, fold your hair nice, and answer all of our questions face-to-face like the public servant that you are.”

Demand answers.

That Fat Bastard works for us.

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Brian Stelter, CNN, calling out Kellyanne Conway for her misinformation—and that means lies, y’all—about the Steele Dossier being completely unverified:

“Parts of it have been verified. That is misinformation that you’re spreading on my program Kellyanne, and I don’t appreciate it. Much of the dossier, you just said the entire dossier is unverified. That is inaccurate…Pieces of the dossier have been verified, and when you say it’s unverified, you actually mislead the American people.”

Lie. She lies. They all lie. And then they try to spin the lie. But it’s still lies.

I wanna see more people calling this b*tch out, and the entire _____ team, when they lie.

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Tim Cook,  Apple CEO talks about the dangers of social media:

“I don’t believe the big issue are ads from foreign governments. I believe that’s like .1 percent of the issue. The bigger issue is that some of these tools are used to divide people, to manipulate people, to get fake news to people in broad numbers so as to influence their thinking. This to me is the No. 1 through 10 issue.”

So says the man who has helped create devices that allow this sort of thing to happen. Sure, people need to be more diligent and realize that a meme isn’t news, and to investigate what they read on social media, but I still find it odd that Tim Cook is warning of the dangers of social media when that’s what pads his bank accounts.

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Jenny Hagel, Late Night writer, on Kevin Spacey’s offensive decision to come out as gay in response to allegations of sexual assault:

“I’m gay, and as a gay woman, I have a lot of problems with Kevin Spacey’s statement. It is inappropriate to respond to an accusation of pedophilia by saying ‘I’m gay’. Those things are totally unrelated. The only appropriate response to ‘you tried to have sex with a 14-year old’ is ‘I am also a 14-year old.’ [And to blame it on being drunk] makes it sound like every gay person is two beers away from molesting a kid. I’m not. I’m two beers away from singing ‘Come to My Window’ at karaoke. And three beers away from singing it from my window. [And] now you choose to live as a gay man, after you threw us all under the bus? That’s like  saying ‘I told everyone you’re an asshole. Now I choose to come to your dinner party.’ Too late you’re not invited anymore. The gay community has been made up of brave, brilliant people like Alan Turing and Audre Lorde and Billie Jean King. You’re not in the gay community, you’re in the creep community. Go celebrate creep pride, and throw a little creep parade, and leave us out of it.”

Bravo.

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Joanna Krupa, a former “real housewife” on the canceled Real Housewives of Miami, coming to the defense of Jeremy Piven over allegations that he sexually assaulted several women:

“I love Jeremy Piven, like I’ve known Jeremy Piven for a very long time. He’s like the nicest f—king guy I’ve ever met. Jeremy never did anything wrong to me. He’s always been an amazing friend to me, so I support him. I knew about Harvey Weinstein over 10 years ago. Do I have any issues with him? No. I hope this whole situation gets better and people in Hollywood actually get hired for their talent. So I think people are taking advantage of the whole situation with Weinstein, and they’re trying to make a living or they’re trying to get famous.”

Indeed, cuz nothing says ‘Hire me’ like Harvey Weinstein tried to rape me. Nothing says I wanna be famous like ‘Jeremy Piven groped me.’

Way to victim blame you dim bulb.

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Ezra Miller, openly gay actor, on the reaction to his “coming out”:

“I was told, when I gave that interview ... This is an interesting thing to talk about. I was told by a lot of people I’d made a mistake. Folks in the industry, folks outside the industry. People I’ve never spoken to. They said there’s a reason so many gay, queer, gender-fluid people in Hollywood conceal their sexual identity, or their gender identity in their public image. I was told I had done a ‘silly’ thing in ... thwarting my own potential to be a leading man. ‘You’ve made a mistake’ is such a hard thing to hear. Maybe if I’d actually made a serious mistake? But not for this. I didn’t think I’d done anything wrong, though there have been moments of doubt as a result of those conversations. But…what they said was, in fact, ‘rubbish’, as you might say. We are the ones. It’s up to us to manifest the world we want to exist in. But we’re ready. Humans are ready.”

And the ones who aren’t ready need to step out of the way and keep their mouths closed.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

You know, when you thought Lindsay Lohan was all crazy and shiz, and then you met her family and thought, well, maybe they’re to blame for her lunacy, now comes the proof that the crazy isn’t just Lindsay but the whole gang.

It seems that Lohan’s half-sister Ashley Horn — one of Daddy Michael’s illegitimate offspring — has gotten a wide range of plastic surgery so she can look like … Lindsay Lohan.

Ashley’s surgeries — and while they are posed together somewhat alike, there isn’t much of a resemblance — cost around $25,000 which begs the question, Who the f**k is paying for this? Michael? Please, he denied this girl was his until a paternity test revealed she was his kid. Anyhoo, here’s Ashley, in her own Lohan-Insanity way, talking about her new look:

“I’ve gotten rhinoplasty, a bit of refinement underneath my cheeks and jawline, some fat injected into my chin and some fat injected into my upper cheeks. [...] I’m hotter than Lindsay! I have no problem saying that. … I’m not Lindsay. I wasn’t raised in that family. I don’t drink, do drugs or party. I like being a responsible person.”

Who, at age 19, spends 25K on plastic surgery to look like her famous sister.

Sheesh, even Ali Lohan had the surgery to look less like Lindsay.

From the Little Douche File …

Justin Bieber is a moron, a delusional moron, an over-paid, under-talented delusional moron. He doesn’t think rules apply to him, he dresses like a toddler whose diapers are always hanging out, and now he’s had his bodyguards carry him up the Great Wall of China because Justin don’t walk.

Can’t sing. Can’t dance. Can’t walk on his own. That’s talent in this day and age.

Mia Farrow gave an interview with Vanity Fair in which she took the time to continue to trash Woody Allen.

Now, don’t get riled up; Woody is a sad pathetic piece of work who, while with Mia Farrow, began schtupping his adopted daughter and then ended up marrying her.

Still, Mia, honey, let go. But she has more to dish on Woody, with a little slam at him as well. Mia drops a little bomb about son Ronan Farrow — named Satchel Allen at birth, he changed his name after Daddy started f**king his sister — and the question of his paternity.

Now Mia is implying that Ronan’s father could be her ex-husband Frank Sinatra, to whom she was married back in the 1960s and then ALLEGEDLY continued having drive-by sex with well into the 1980s — even after she hooked up with Woody.

Farrow discusses her relationship with Frank Sinatra, calling him the great love of her life, and saying, “We never really split up.” And, when asked point-blank if her biological son with Woody Allen, Ronan Farrow, may actually be the son of Frank Sinatra, Farrow answers, “Possibly.”

And when the interviewer went to ask Frank’s daughter, Nancy Sinatra Jr., about it, she said Ronan “is a big part of us, and we are blessed to have him in our lives.”

Sounds like everyone knows about Ronan’s daddy, except maybe the guy who was told he was the Daddy.

Man, whenever I start thinking about crazy people, I'm gonna back on this mess; the couple that gets together, has a child that might not be the father’s son, and then the father starts schtupping the daughter.

Lifetime? There’s a movie in the making!

Remember when Madonna was ... well, relevant?

I know it's been a while, but now it seems as though she's come full circle.  Now she's copying the people that copy her.

After some people went nutso about Miley Cyrus licking that sledgehammer in her Wrecking Ball video — while glossing over the whole riding the wrecking ball nekkid thing — Madonna has now Instagrammed a picture of herself licking a sword.

She's trying to one-up a girl young enough to be her granddaughter.

Stop it. Stop it now.

There’s always talk about the Kardastrophes but we never hear about Rob Kardashian. Is it because he doesn’t have a ginormous ass or a baby with an egotistical, might be gay, rap artist who calls himself Jesus? Is it because he isn’t married for TV to a crack-headed athlete? Is it because he’s boring?

Ding.Ding.Ding.

And even Robbie K. knows he’s boring. In an interview he says this:

“My job is — I make socks. That’s all I do. I don’t necessarily care about the show. I would rather film this — me doing what I do — than being around my family.”

Well, you gotta give him credit for getting of the K Train.

Justin Timberlake is a douche; not quite a douche of Kanye proportions, but a douche. And a tool. And, ALLEGEDLY, a cheater.

Back when Timberlake and Jessica Biel were dating he, ahem, again, ALLEGEDLY, cheated on her all the time, but she had no career to speak off and thought she could be the next Jennifer Garner-Affleck; a trophy wife who is talked about as being an actress but really just pumps out babies and takes them to the park.

Back to douche Justin.  While dating the future ex-Missus Timberlake, he was photographed making out with his backup dancers, and then he had a total affair with Olivia Munn who basically says it’s all true. But Jessica stayed with him and even agreed to marry him, even though the douche is strong with Justin, and now comes more cheating stories.

While in Rio de Janeiro for the Rock in Rio Festival in mid-September, reports surfaced that Justin once again cheated on Jessica Biel when he was spotted kissing married Brazilian actress Thaila Ayala, who fueled the fire when she posted an Instagram video of Justin performing at the festival with the caption: “A childhood dream – meet Justin and have him singing a foot in front of you.”

Sources — and it might be Dina Lohan who needs the money to pay her DUI lawyer and her foreclosure attorney — say Justin laughs it all off, but Missus Justin ain’t so sure:

“She flipped out… she’s afraid that Justin is incapable of controlling his impulses. She wants to believe that he’ll be faithful, but it’s hard to tune out all the chatter suggesting otherwise.”

Chatter and actions, I’m guessing. But, I’m also guessing that Justin likes the idea of married man so expect a baby JT to pop out in the next year, though, well, maybe, it won’t be with his wife.

Just sayin’.