The Funny Papers

Christopher Weyant, Jim Morin, Nate Beeler, Scott Stantis, Chris Britt, David Fitzsimmons, John Cole, Clay Bennett, David Horsey, Bill Day

Does Kristin Mink Have The Power?

Last week, a video in which Kristin Mink faced down asshatted EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt in a restaurant and told him to resign, went viral.

A few days later, Pruitt resigned.

Now, Kristin Mink took to Twitter to ask:

“Hey @realDonaldTrump where are you going to lunch tomorrow?”

Gosh, if only it was that easy, right?

The Funny Papers

Drew Sheneman, Adam Zyglis,Steve Breen, David Horsey, Mike Smith, Randy Bish, David Fitzsimmons, Steve Benson, Nick Anderson, Steve Sack

Dow Gives _____ $1 Million To Destroy Kid's Brains With Nerve Gas Derivative

Dow Chemical makes chlorpyrifos, diazinon, and malathion—a bunch of pesticides that bring lots of coins into the pockets of the company; in fact, Dow sells roughly 5 million pounds of chlorpyrifos alone.

But there’s a wee problem, or wee problems, for Dow. You see, chlorpyrifos and those others were originally derived from a nerve gas developed by the Nazis, and scientists have found that chlorpyrifos, diazinon, and malathion are harmful to almost 1,800 “critically threatened or endangered species.”

Naturally, the Environmental Protection Agency [EPA] and most rational folks are against the killing of these species just so Dow can line its coffers, which is why the EPA and two other groups that it works with to enforce the Endangered Species Act are “close to issuing findings expected to result in new limits on how and where the highly toxic pesticides can be used.”

Good, eh? Not so much for Dow which is where greed and corruption and that Rich White Men’s Club, and its President _____ come into play.

The good news for Dow is that the EPA is now run by climate-change skeptic and basic asshat Scott Pruitt, who has vowed to reverse “an Obama-era effort to bar the use of Dow's chlorpyrifos pesticide on food after recent peer-reviewed studies found that even tiny levels of exposure could hinder the development of children's brains.”

Kids brains? Corporate profits? It’s a no-brainer, eh? Pun intended.

And it doesn’t hurt Dow that its CEO, Andrew Liveris, right, is chummy with _____. In fact, Dow spent nearly $14 million last year lobbying the government to allow the use of pesticides that harm, not only fish and game, but children.

Dow and two other companies that manufacture these pesticides have sent letters to the EPA, the Department of Commerce, and the Fish and Wildlife Service, asking them to “set aside” the results of the studies, claiming that they are “fundamentally flawed” as was proven by a study paid for by Dow, and performed by Dow scientists, that says these pesticides, derived, again, from nerve gases, are fine ... just fine.

But Dow also has an ace in the hole in this fight because Liveris is a close adviser, close friend, and million dollar donor to _____ and his inauguration committee; so much so, that when _____ signed an executive order “mandating the creation of task forces at federal agencies to roll back government regulations” Liveris was literally right by _____’s side.

So, let’s see ... the CEO is buddies with _____; the CEO gave _____ a million dollars; _____ appoints a climate change denying, environmental buffoon to destroy the EPA and benefit Dow.

Done and done.

Nothing to see here, except rich white men get richer while children made suffer brain disease and the environment crashes and burns.

But then cockroaches like Liveris and _____ will survive all that.

Vanity Fair

I Didn't Say It ....

John Barrowman turned this week, and launched a new T-shirt campaign supporting transgender equality:

“Our transgender friends and family need our help and support as a lot of decisions are going to be made on their behalf that don’t take their needs and rights into consideration. Most of us have the luxury of being who we are and living our truth. We must stand in solidarity with those who are not as lucky… Let’s show our support for our transgender family because it was never about bathrooms.”

We all know it’s about fear and transphobia and ignorance.

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Scott Pruitt, Environmental Protection Agency [EPA] Administrator, on whether or not carbon dioxide is a primary contributor to climate change:

"I think that measuring with precision human activity on the climate is something very challenging to do and there's tremendous disagreement about the degree of impact, so no, I would not agree that it's a primary contributor to the global warming that we see."

I mean, we’ve been hearing for decades about pollution, ozone layers, global warming, automobile emissions, factory emissions, and this tool is in denial because, to be enlightened would mean his and _____’s buddies would make a few less coins doing their business.

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Brian Schatz, Democratic Senator from Hawaii, responding to Pruitt:

"Anyone who denies over a century's worth of established science and basic facts is unqualified to be the administrator of the EPA. Now more than ever, the Senate needs to stand up to Scott Pruitt and his dangerous views."

No amount of corporate wealth will save the planet when asshats like Pruitt are in charge.

Resist.

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Charlie Hunnam, on what he does to keep his body in shape for his movies:

“I’m interested in having a high fitness level across the board. Running, swimming, jumping rope, hiking, jiu-jitsu—I try to do it all. I also try to make love as often as I can. That’s an important part of fitness.”

If I can ever be of service, Charlie, call me. I’d enjoy the workout myself.

Just sayin’.

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Van Jones, news commentator, on _____ driving liberals insane:

“I mean that there are two ways that Trump can be normalized. One is for us just to get used to him saying crazy things, lying, and attacking people, and that’s a big danger. There’s a more insidious danger, which is a danger of his becoming normalized at an emotional and social level. He is completely fear driven, he is completely polarizing, he is completely caught up in his own drama, and I’m starting to see liberals act the same way. We’re almost trying to fight polarization with polarization at this point, and I’m afraid that we’re feeding what we’re fighting. .... There’s always a danger that you become the thing that you’re fighting. We could absolutely oppose all of his policies and his crazy personality, but, at the end of the day, we’re trying to assemble a governing majority. You can take your eyes off that prize. ...  I’m focused on trying to figure out how do we fight him but do so in a way that leaves a bridge open to definitely motivating more liberals, but also, understanding and converting more people who are right now in the Trump camp.”

He's right; we need to focus on the bigger picture than rant and rave at idiotic deflections that _____ uses. And we need to work, work, to find people who will do in office what we need and want them to do. And if someone isn't working for We The People either Red or Blue, Vote Them Out.
PS Van Jones is hot. Just sayin'.

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The Funny Papers

RJ Matson, Adam Zyglis, Nick Anderson, David Horsey, Walt Handelsman, Clay Bennett, Michael Ramirez, Tom Stiglich