Ain't That America XLII

Another week down, another week of Cankles working to enrich the billionaire class, and himself, while telling We The People he doesn’t care about our financial situations … or Florida calling surrogacy a form of slavery especially when used by same-sex couples … Cankles wanting to send the military into polling places … with a few laughs courtesy the Cankles Gold Phone and US Ambassador to Greece, Kimberly “Big Mac Lips” Guilfoyle opening a McDonald’s  … lunacy from the mouth of a CouchFucker and the Oklahoma GOP … so let’s dig in …

While the Cankles Regime spent billions on immigration enforcement and mass deportations, the Criminal-In-Chief invested in Palantir Technologies, a company contracted with immigration enforcement agencies.

In early 2026, Palantir struck a billion-dollar deal with DHS to use the company’s software in the deportation surge. Palantir also has a contract surpassing a billion dollars with the Pentagon to develop AI systems that help orchestrate attacks.

This is the grift.

 

Also grift is the 30 billionaire CEOs Cankles flew with him to China. He had no intention of making like better for We The People, he used the trip to enrich the only part of his base that he gives a fuck about.

 

Florida Attorney General James Uthmeier is attempting to strip legal parentage from families who conceive children using a genetic donor, launching an attack on one same-sex couple that has sweeping ramifications for thousands more—including heterosexual and adoptive parents—by arguing that Florida’s surrogacy contract language violates the 13th Amendment’s prohibition on slavery, and, more sweepingly, that the state constitution bars biological parents from transferring parental rights at all.

This is hate, plain and simple.

 

Tennessee GOP House Speaker Cameron Sexton has barred all 24 House Democrats from standing committees and subcommittees for participating in a protest during a special session on redistricting.

The two-and-a-half-hour session ended with a vote to redraw congressional maps, which ultimately demolished a majority-Black voting district.

They are limiting the vote of people of color, so how do you spell racism? GOP.

 

In the wake of the Supreme Court’s recent decision on gerrymandering, Louisiana GOP Governor Jeff Landry suspended the state’s primary elections, even though tens of thousands of votes had already been cast and now he intends to toss those votes.

That is the clear definition of GOP voter suppression.

 

The numbers are bearing out what many lawmakers feared: Americans can’t afford health insurance through the federal marketplaces without boosted subsidies which congressional Republicans declined to extend in December.

You know, cuz they were giving tax breaks to billionaires and couldn’t be bothered about healthcare for their constituents.

 

Cankles says he won’t rule out deploying troops or federal agents to the polls during the upcoming midterm elections, saying he wants to have honest elections.

Accomplished only by sending soldiers to the polls.

Keep in mind that nearly every single election in this country has been honest except for the one Cankles lost and that’s why he’s having this hissy fit and working to suppress the vote.

 

Cankles' handpicked contractor was charging $1.8 million to paint the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool blue but the cost has jumped to $13.1 million. 

Cankles is quite the businessman, awarding a firm on a no-bid contract then letting them change the costs by $12 million.

The grift continues.

 

Hunter Rivera, the 24-year-old chairman of the Weld County Republican Party, was one of two men arrested on suspicion of trying to buy sex from Larimer County Sheriff’s Office investigators who posed as minors as part of an operation targeting child predators. 

Every single day it looks like the GOP protects pedophiles because so many of them are pedophiles.

The $499 Cankles smart-phone has sparked fresh scrutiny after a new rendering shows the device retaining its gaudy gold exterior but replacing a previously advertised triangular camera layout with a straight row of lenses on the back.

More striking, the flag design itself has been altered: while the American flag has 13 stripes representing the original colonies, the new renderings show the flag with just 11 stripes in one video clip and just 9 in another.

The phone also looks very much like a Chinese-made handset available at Walmart for $127.99—roughly the same price as the $100 deposit customers paid a year ago for the  gold phone they have yet to receive.

Grift.

 

Kimberly Guilfoyle, Junior’s former side-piece and current US ambassador to Greece, gushed over her ribbon-cutting in Athens last week … for a new McDonald’s:

“An exciting day for Greece! It was my honor to participate in the ribbon cutting for a brand-new McDonald’s at The Mall in Athens, the most technologically advanced McDonald’s in all of Europe! American businesses investing here create jobs and bring American culture—and delicious food—to the Greek people.”

Opening a McDonald’s.

 

Little Mike Johnson had a meltdown on Fox News about "mini-Mamdanis" popping up everywhere and then accidentally told the whole country exactly why Republicans are about to get crushed:

"Mini-Mamdanis ... [are] avowed to socialist Marxist ideology. This is something we have never seen before in American history. This is about moving away from a constitutional republic to a communist utopian ideology. And that's a dangerous thing for the future of the country."

No, Mikey, it's about moving toward an ideology that gets things done for the people, not the oligarchs. And these "mini-Mamdanis" are gaining traction ... Graham Platner in Maine ... Brian Poindexter in Pennsylvania ... Abdul El-Sayed in Michigan ... running on Mamdani-style platforms and scaring the hell out of Republicans and corporate.

Mamdani inherited a $12 billion deficit from the corrupt Eric Adams administration and erased it without slashing public services, or raising taxes on working New Yorkers; he's investing $122 million to hire 1,000 new teachers and turned the blocks in front of 50 NYC public schools into car-free "Soccer Streets" so kids can play in celebration of the World Cup.

And now Little Mike Johnson is running scared because of Democratic Socialists taking over from his party of Nationalist Christians AKA Nat-C’s.

Virginia GOP Representative Jen Kiggans is facing calls to resign after expressing agreement with a radio host’s remarks that Democrat House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries get “his cotton-picking hands off of Virginia” and then adding:

“That’s right. Ditto. Yes. Yes, to that.”

Now she says she never agreed with the radio host.

Again, the not every GOPer is racist but nearly all racists identify as Republican.

Oklahoma Republicans are saying banning child marriage is “government interference,” but banning abortion is not.

Make them make sense.

 

JD “Couchfucker” Vance spoke at the National Peace Officers’ Memorial Service this week and uttered this line:

“So long as [Cankles] is the president, and so long as I am the vice president, we will never again let policy makers in the building behind us allow violent criminals to tee off on our police officers.”

Um, JD? You moronic tool? Wasn’t it your party that did nothing before, during, and after, Cankles sent a mob to the Capitol and those MAGAts attacked and killed police officers?

Stay in your lane, traitor.

 

Texas GOP Senator John Cornyn introduced legislation to name US Highway 287 in honor of [Cankles]. The I-47 Future Interstate Act would rename the roughly 1,800-mile corridor, which runs from Port Arthur, Texas, to Choteau, Montana, as the [Cankles] Interstate.

No surprise that Cornyn is doing this since he’s up for reelection and needs the help of a con artist so he’s sucking orange mushroom dick to save his ass.

 

Cankles shared a Truth Social post this week calling for the arrest of Barack Obama, accusing the former president of treason, without evidence.

Sounds about white cuz Cankles knows he will never be as smart as Obama, or as respected as Obama, and will go down in history as the worst president ever while Obama sits at the top of that list.

 

Then, regular as clockwork, Louisiana  GOP Senator John Kennedy, AKA Foghorn Leghorn, says Barack Obama stole $120 million that he ALLEGEDLY earned through ownership of Obamacare.

Once again, please remember, every GOP accusation is an admission because it was a completely made-up and nonsensical ‘quote’ that originated with a ‘satire’ website.

Once again, the GOP is made up of idiots.

 

This just in ... Flori-duh GOP Representative Byron Donalds, a Black man, claims it’s the Democrats who “systematically discriminated against” Black Americans in the South which was why we needed the 1965 Voting Rights Act.

Now, he says that “if you look at the last 30 years in America, there is no systematic discrimination [and so] no racial gerrymandering today.”

Then, Byron, explain why Tennessee and Louisiana and Alabama are gerrymandering districts to reduce Black representation in government.

Seriously, the stupid …

 

Cankles told Fox News that he was “seriously considering making Venezuela the 51st state” after abducting the country’s president Nicolas Maduro because, ahem, “Venezuela loves [him].”

But there are just two reasons he made this statement:

1] He’s a rapist and child molester trying to deflect from the Epstein scandal, and

B] He’s a grifter trying to steal that oil profit for himself.

Facts.

 

GOP Wyoming Representative Harriet Hageman is one of the most vocal critic of the Southern Poverty Law Center and has steadfastly tried to tie the organization to ... well, let her say it:

“The Aryan Nation, the Nazis, and the KKK are not far-right organizations. Those are far-left organizations, and they always have been. The KKK was created and started by the Democrats in the United States to prevent blacks from being able to participate in the political arena, if you will. So, I’m going to say they’ve never been associated with the right, they’ve always been associated with the left.”

Which is explains why everywhere you go Democrats are dressing as Nazis and the Klan and wave Confederate flags.

Seriously, Wyoming, you voted out Liz Cheney for this?

Hawaii just became the first state in the entire country to end Citizen’s United; a bold move that will put elections back in the hands of We The People and not the billionaire class.

If we want to save our Democracy we need to do this in every state.

 

The Cultural Landscape Foundation and its founder, Charles Birnbaum sued over Cankles’ Trump’s Reflecting Pool project, arguing the renovation at the National Mall violates environmental and preservation laws and the blue paint coating is “altering the historic character” of the Reflecting Pool without authority.

Well, let’s be fair, he’s doing it for the money.

And how do we end this bull shiz plaguing America? Well …

Ain't That America XLI

His ego inflates with talk of ballrooms and arches and god statues while his approval rates drop lower than his IQ. His minions circle the globe to say stupid things and he keeps taking dementia tests.

Oy, what a week …

This week the Gang of Six Racist and Stupid Supreme Court Justices dismantled the Voting Rights Act, actually saying that the racial gap in voter turnout has closed.

Which explains why many states in the South are now trying to redraw their Congressional maps to make everything all-white. As soon as the ruling came down Tennessee’s GOP-controlled legislature redrew the congressional district of Memphis, which has long enjoyed its own Democratic-leaning House seat and split it into three GOP-leaning districts.

If you don’t think this is a racist attempt to keep Black Americans from being represented in government, answer me this: would you choose to be Black in America today knowing what’s happening?

 

The British energy giant Shell reported robust profits following the surge in oil prices prompted by the Cankles war with Iran. Shell’s adjusted profits soared 24%, to $6.92 billion, in the first three months of the year from the same time last year.

Well, Big Oil and billionaires are certainly being paid handsomely by the war while the rest of America suffers. If only there was a way to stop this bull shiz …

 

Last October the Cankles Regime abruptly stopped paying third-parties for medical care provided to detainees in ICEstapo custody; third-party providers are used to provide “medically necessary” care including “dialysis, prenatal care, oncology, [and] chemotherapy” but no more of that for detainees; they can suffer and die, I guess.

 

Senate Republicans want to provide the Secret Service with $1 billion for “security adjustments and upgrades” related to the construction of Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Ballroom™.

Yes, it was supposed to be built and funded without taxpayer money and now the GOP wants YOU to pony up your share of a billion dollars for a ballroom no one other than the Pedophile In Chief wants.

 

The Department of Education opened an investigation into Smith College, an all-women’s institution in Massachusetts, for admitting transgender women.

The move is the latest by the Cankles Regime—whose rhetoric has frequently included attacks on trans people—to limit, and more likely end, transgender rights in America.

Ten years after celebrating his caucus victory at the Iowa State Fair, GOP Nutbag and Senator Rafael Cruz returned to Des Moines fueling chatter about a potential 2028 presidential bid. Cruz told the audience that the GOP is “winning historic victories” under Cankles’ second administration but failed to name one.

He also made no note of the fact that not only do Democrats despise him, so does the majority of the GOP so his little trip to Des Moines was a waste of time.

He should have gone to Cancun again.

 

Transportation Secretary and reality show “star” Sean Duffy blamed to collapse of Spirit airlines on both President Biden and former Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg.

But Sean? Moron? How do you explain that you opposed bailing out Spirit Airlines saying there is no need for a federal bailout of any low-cost airline.

Sounds like another GOP liar.

 

The current US Senator from South Carolina, and former Miss Cotton Ball Queen 1924, Miss Lindsey Graham wants to arm the Iranian people to fight the Iranian government:

“I love the idea of empowering the Iranian people with weapons, a Second Amendment solution to make the Revolutionary Guard’s life hell. It’s one thing to be bombed by America. It’s another thing to have your neighbor shoot back at you because they’re tired of being slaughtered.”

Siddown, Sassy, and pour yourself another Mint Julep you ignorant fuck.

 

Health and Human Services Secretary, heroin addict and collector of raccoon penises Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is demanding hospitals stop serving sugary drinks and foods, including Jell-O.

Calley Means, one of Kennedy’s top lapdogs, is asking members of the public to report hospitals for their Jell-O usage because that’s so important … not the measles or the hantavirus.

It’s Jell-O.

 

Real estate magnate Steve Roth is standing strong with fellow billionaire Ken Griffin in his spat with New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani for suggesting billionaires should pay their fair share in taxes; Roth thinks the ultra-rich should be “praised and thanked” and also said this:

“I consider the phrase tax the rich … when spit out with anger and contempt by politicians both here and across the country, to be just as hateful as some disgusting racial slurs.”

Tax the rich is the new N-word, y’all.

 

This week Secretary of State Marco Rubio made the following statement about Iran:

“This is an international waterway; no country can control them. There is no international law that allows you to say, I’m going to put mines in an international body of water, and I’m going to blow up ships that don’t listen to us and try to go through. We cannot live in a world where a rogue state like this Iranian regime is allowed to claim, as a new normal, control over an international shipping lane.”

He’s right … but then since September last year, the US military has conducted 47 strikes on civilian marine vessels travelling in the Caribbean Sea and eastern Pacific Ocean, leading to over 190 deaths.

Maybe you should zip it, Little Marco.

A towering, gold-leaf statue of Cankles’ was unveiled with great fanfare at Cankles’ National Doral golf course, in a dedication ceremony that included a prayer from a MAGAt pastor even though Alan Cottrill, the artist behind the statue, called the whole thing a “clusterfuck”:

“I usually deal with people that have everything organized. From the start, this was chaos … and almost never, anytime whatsoever, does anyone miss a payment.”

That wasn’t the case with the 22-foot statue as demands to nix his vagina neck, AKA turkey neck, requests to make the model look, um, not so fat, and late payments soured Cottrill on the deal.

And when it went up his minions circled round and prayed while God was watched.

She was not amused at the false god idolatry.

 

Cankles once again went off script to brag once again to brag once again to brag about passing a test meant to detect cognitive decline linked to dementia:

“I’ve taken three. No president, think of this, has ever taken one.”

To be fair no other president has ever needed one, but then Cankles said the best thing ever, that he takes the test whenever someone calls him a moron.

Testing is a 24/7 gig at the Cankles White House.

PS The test he described―the Montreal Cognitive Assessment―is not an intelligence test but an exam to detect the signs of cognitive decline.

Why is he taking it so much? Asking for a country.

Violent crime in New York City remained at historically low levels through April, with the Bronx recording some of the steepest declines and department leaders said they are hoping to build on that progress ahead of the summer, when crime typically spikes as more people gather outdoors.

NYPD Commissioner Jessica Tisch said the crime declines are the result of a policing strategy focused on using data to remove illegal guns from the streets and dismantle violent gangs and criminal groups.

Huh. Removing guns, you say.

 

Americans are deeply uncomfortable with recent religion-related statements by Cankles and DUI Hire Pete Hegseth. In fact, 87% of Americans have a negative view of Cankles’ social media post appearing to depict himself as Jesus and 69% dislike Hegseth praying at the Pentagon for “overwhelming violence of action against those who deserve no mercy.”

When you allow rapists and drunks who cannot quote a favorite Bible verse or refer the Bible According to Pulp Fiction, you’ll have these issues.

 

Days after suspending Louisiana’s US House primaries, GOP Governor Jeff Landry is facing mounting backlash from residents in the form of a recall to remove him from office.

Good. His racist ass needs to be removed.

 

Madison Sheahan, a former top official with the ICEstapo, has lost the Republican primary in Ohio’s 9th district as what some see as a sign of how unpopular ICE has become amid an aggressive immigration crackdown in Cankles’ second term.

Good. Keep all these bigots and racists and criminals out of office.

And how do we do that …

Ain't That America XXXVII

A bit of good news this week as Cankles found himself smacked down by several courts, as Pammy Jo Bondi found herself smacked down from her boss, as Kristi Noem and her husband were smacked down by ginormous boobs, and the war that isn’t a war, that’s over but not over, that is killing more and more of our troops, raged on and will cost Americans childcare and healthcare among other things …

Due to his illegal war in Iran Cankles has decided the federal government can no longer take care of daycare, Medicaid, Medicare because, as he said:

“We have to take care of one thing: military protection.”

Cutting funds for Americans to continue to fight a war he says we already won?

 

Shortly after his rambling nonsensical speech the other night, telling us that Iran was basically obliterated, but then also saying the war goes on, the spot price for current physical cargoes of Brent crude oil soared to $141.36, the highest level since the 2008 financial crisis.

Making America Great Again.

 

Ten years ago last week, Cankles said he would pay off the national debt in the span of just eight years.

Didn’t happen because instead of paying it off he doubled it from $19 trillion to over $39 trillion and the bill will be due long after Cankles is gone.

 

ICEstapo agents will be stationed outside graduation events for the nation’s newest Marines to identify whether any of their family members are undocumented.

As the illegal war in Iran continues, the Marine Corps has begun requiring everyone to present REAL IDs, US passports or US birth certificates to access any sites.

Since undocumented immigrants are ineligible for federal REAL IDs and don’t have US passports or birth certificates they will be rounded up and detained just for visiting their families who are fighting wars for the criminal president.

 

Last week we learned that GOP Representative Elliott Engen was arrested on suspicion of driving while impaired. Now we also know that in his car was GOP Representative Walter Hudson, who was also impaired and in possession of a 9 mm Smith & Wesson handgun in his waistband.

Drunks and guns; what could go wrong?

 

In the first days after Pam Bondi was appointed attorney general last year, the Department of Justice began shutting down pending criminal cases at a record pace.

The cases included an investigation into a Virginia nursing home with a record of patient abuse; probes of fraud involving several New Jersey labor unions; an investigation into a cryptocurrency company suspected of cheating investors.

In total, the DOJ closed more than 23,000 criminal cases in the first six months of Cankles’ regime so they could open cases against his so-called enemies.

And since so many of those cases were dismissed, well, read on until the end ...

Cankles shared the first images of his planned presidential library in downtown Miami, posting a video that depicts a skyscraper that appears to be about 50 stories tall.

That tall and yet not one book? What the hell kinda library is that?

 

Lindsey Graham was ineffective talking his colleagues into keeping the government open, but he chatted up Mickey Mouse last week at Woke Disney World where he had breakfast at Chef Mickey’s while Disney characters go around to all the tables for a little chit chat.

Then when he slithered back to South Carolina, he went to a shooting range to prove his masculinity, perhaps with a Pink Barbie Rifle.

 

Republicans are considering reductions in federal health spending to help pay for a budget bill containing as much as $200 billion to fund the illegal Iran war and immigration enforcement.

Say goodbye to healthcare because the illegal war is more important than We The People and remember that on Election Day.

Spain has closed its airspace to US planes involved in attacks on Iran, ​a step beyond its previous denial of use ‌of jointly-operated military bases. The closure forces military planes to bypass NATO ​member Spain en route to their targets ⁠in the Middle East though it does not include ​emergency situations.

Oh, and then Italy also denied permission for US military aircraft to land ‌at the Sigonella air base in Sicily ‌before flying to the Middle East.

And then Poland humiliated Cankles by bluntly rejecting his desperate plea for them to send their Patriot air defense system to the Middle East to help with his illegal Iran War.

You started this mess for no reason other than Epstein, asshat, so see your own way out of it.

 

The Cankles’ Regime is extending family planning grants for Planned Parenthood after a protracted legal battle. White House spokesman Kush Desai said the regime could not fulfill its goal of withholding Title X family planning grants for the nation’s largest abortion provider due to “significant legal challenges.”

 

Pope Leo said last week that God rejects the ‌prayers of leaders who start wars and have “hands full of blood,” in unusually forceful remarks as the illegal Iran war.

Of course, Faux Christian KKKarolying Leavitt completely lied about the Pope’s remarks, suggesting he said he will not prayer for the soldiers.

He said God rejects the prayers of leaders who start wars, dear. God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason.

 

In a fairly scathing ruling, Judge Richard Leon declared that “The President of the United States is the steward of the White House for future generations of First Families. He is not, however, the owner...no statute comes close to giving the President the authority he claims to have” and then shut down construction of the so-called ballroom Cankles wants;

“Unless and until Congress blesses this project through statutory authorization, construction has to stop!”

We need to oppose this ballroom at every turn. It’s the People’s House, not Demented Old Pedophile’s House, and he should not get to determine what is built on it.

 

U.S. District Judge Randolph Moss has ruled that Cankles’ executive order ending federal funding for National Public Radio and Public Broadcasting Service is unconstitutional as it violated the First Amendment of the Constitution by perpetrating “viewpoint discrimination and retaliation of this type.”

 

Cankles kicked Pam Bondi to the curb last week and replaced her, for now, with Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche.

How embarrassing to be the Attorney General of the United States and be fired by a convicted felon.

Th upside is that Pammy Jo can still be called to testify about the Epstein Scandal and still see her ass in jail perhaps. But that shouldn’t stop America from …

The Funny Papers

The Peace Art Collective, Dennis Goris, Clay Bennett, JD Crowe, Pedro X Molina, Michael de Adder, Nick Anderson, Benjamin Slyngstad, Gary Huck, Jon Ostrove, Lalo Alcaraz

Ain't That America XXIX ...

I have decided to simplify the “Ain’t That America” posts by giving you what amounts to a headline, along with my personal thoughts about said headline. It’s quicker for me to post a few bullet points and quicker for y’all to read, so let’s go …

What better way to get the media and your enemies to stop talking about you raping girls on a tropical island than by invading another country.

Remember when the GOP went after Putin for invading Ukraine without cause but stayed silent when America raided Venezuela for the same reason last week? It’s not drugs or terrorism; it’s oil and money and greed.

If you needed proof that former news network SeeBS has flipped to the MAGAt side, note that the White House gave them the scoop on the illegal attack on Venezuela.

Candace Owens says it was the Jews who orchestrated the attack on Venezuela because Candace is an anti-Semitic lunatic.

Cankles now says the US will “run” Venezuela. Funny, because he is running America into the ground so I guess we can see the future of Venezuela.

Miss Lindsey Graham pulled her head out of Cankles’ ass long enough to call the attack on Venezuela “amazing”  and says Cuba should be next.

Pammy Jo Bondi praised Cankles for his “courage” in sitting in the White House and ordering American military men and women to put their lives on the line in Venezuela while he stuffed his gullet with McDonalds.

Senator Tim Kaine says he will force a Senate vote on Cankles war powers, though the GOP—still Carrying Cankles’ water—will fight that.

Most of the world has denounced America—and Cankles—for the attack; that ain’t America when most of the world comes for us.

One MAGAt Republican Thomas Massie claims Cankles’ threat to Iran is just like Venezuela: it’s about oil and money. One smart Republican who isn’t afraid to speak the truth.

It seems that both Cankles and the Couchfucker claim the attack on Venezuela was because they had “stolen” our oil with no explanation of how it was done … maybe it was that giant invisible pipeline Venezuela built in Alaska to funnel oil to South America when no one was watching?

The Wall Street Journal poked Cankles for going TACO on another round of tariffs.

The Democrats vow to campaign on the expired Obamacare subsidies and the idea that a great many Americans will see their health care insurance rates triple, but, hey, there’s oil to be had in Venezuela.

Tommy Tuberville, GOP clown, and many in that party, melted down over NYC Mayor Zohran Mamdani taking the oath of office on the Quran. Funny they had no trouble with a rapist, pussy grabbing pedophile swearing on the Bible.

Cankles says White House doctors say he’s in “perfect health” which explains the near constant medical procedures, the MRIs and the rotting flesh on both his hands, as well as those elephant ankles.

And Lastly, because this is funny and stupid and scary and all the things, but Chief Justice of the Supreme Court John Roberts is now calling for judicial impartiality. It’s kinda late, you traitorous prick.

And now you know, so … 

The Funny Papers

Adam Zyglis, Clay Bennett, Dave Whamond, Michael de Adder, Gary Huck, Nick Anderson, Pedro X Molina, RJ Matson, Robert Unell, Chris Britt

The Funny Papers

Bill Bramhall, Matt Wuerker, Randy Bish, Pedro X Molina, Michael de Adder, Marc Murphy, RJ Matson, Nick Anderson, Walt Handelsman, Gary Huck