I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

The No Ring is a thing again. This week media whore Kim Kardastrophe went out and was photographed :::gasp::: without her wedding ring, signaling that maybe she and Krazy Kanye were finished.

Who cares, but … then Matt Damon was photographed without his wedding ring on for the second time in a week.

Matt has been married to Luciana Barroso  since 2005, but lately Matt has been hanging out in LA with BFF, and soon-to-be-divorced, Ben Affleck and photographed twice sans band. But is it a signal of divorce, or is it a signal that we’re in the middle of a pandemic and washing our hands a hundred times a day and sometimes we forget to put the band back on … ?

Here’s my take … Kim Kardastrophe is photographed without a ring so people will keep talking about her, while Matt gets photographed without his ring because he left it on the bathroom sink.

Media whore or human person.

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Khloé Kardastrophe is at it again.

After years of changing her face so she looks like Beyoncé or Mariah or, well, anyone but herself, she recently posted a new photo to Instagram where she looks almost exactly like … half-sister Kendall Jenner.

That’s Khloé-dall on the left and Kendall on the right. Now, I have no issue with anyone having a little Bo or a peel or a nip or a tuck, but when you change your face so completely that you look more like other people than yourself, maybe you need a rethink.

Of course, if you’re a Kardastrophe, it’s all about the attention, so …

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My BFF—mostly because she loathes GOOP as much as me—Martha Stewart recently got her COVID-19 vaccine, normally reserved for front line workers and essential-type people, and the internet tried to drag her saying she pushed her way to the front of the line.

It all started when Martha posted that picture to her Instagram account, saying that she was given the COVID vaccine in an inoculation pod at the Martha Stewart Center for Living at Mount Sinai Hospital in Manhattan. But … Martha didn’t use her wealth to skip the line, she used another number … her age.

Bitch is 79, so she got the shot and y’all can get off her jock.

Now, when Paltrow gets hers …

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Um, I may have spoken too soon before, and then had to retract, so I say this with a bit of hesitation … it appears to be over, again, for My-Husband-In-My-Head, Luke Evans and boyfriend Rafael Olarra. He told the UK Times:

“It is what it is.”

But he did not elaborate on the cause of the breakup, but again, if he needs some comfort, I’m here.

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I used to like Anne Hathaway, but somewhere about the time she campaigned and begged and pleaded for an Oscar because she say a song in Les Misérables, I kinda thought she was over,

But that was then, and this is now, and now she’s really over.

Hathaway appeared on The Tonight Show recently and told Jimmy Fallon to call her Annie, instead of Anne. But it wasn’t a ‘Hey, we’re friends, call me Annie,’ because Anne Hathaway says her name has always been Annie.

Anne, sorry gurl, said that when she first started acting at 14, she needed to confirm her name for her SAG membership, and went with “Anne Hathaway” because it’s the name listed on her birth certificate … meaning it’s her name. But she says that everyone calls her Annie and hearing folks say Anne is too formal and impersonal.

Too formal and impersonal? For the last twenty-four years? She then added that only her mother calls her Anne … um, because it’s the name she gave you … and that on film sets, people will call her anything but Anne, like Annie, Miss H, or Hath.

Oh Anne, you’re just so precious to have, at age 38, decided you want to be known as Annie. And that little orphan, and the one that got her gun, were here first.

Okurrrrrrr, Anne?

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Don’t mess with Lucy.

But Aaron Sorkin is apparently making a film about Lucy and Desi called Being the Ricardo’s. And in the running for Desi is Javier Bardem, and intalks to play Lucy is Nicole Kidman.

Nicole what? Social media went nuts because no one, and I mean no one,  should be playing Lucille Ball except that powerhouse actress, that multi-award-winning actress of stage and screen … and TV … Debra Messing.

Yes, from Will & Grace.

The film is set during one production week of I Love Lucy—Monday table read through Friday audience filming—when Lucy and Desi face a crisis that could end their careers and another that could end their marriage. Originally, Sorkin was simply going to write the script, but then Cate Blanchett thought she should be Lucy and he decided he wanted to direct. But then Cate was out, and Javier and Nicki K said they were interested.

I love me some Kidman, and Javier is kinda delicious, but as Lucy and Ricky?

Cue Debra Messing and the internet, where people wondered TVs second favorite redhead shouldn’t be playing TVs first famous redhead. Rumors swirled that Messing, whose career is en feugo … I kid … was not available, and Messing, who does love to Tweet, instantly replied:

“Oh no, I’m available.”

Except … again … Variety reported that Messing had stated she would not do it:

“Like 15 years ago people would say, ‘Hey, do you want to do like a made for TV movie or something?’ And I always felt like, ‘Oh, I would not even touch that. Like she is untouchable.’"

And now Messing says:

“Ummmmmm, I changed my mind.”

Sorry, Deb, no change-sies, and, um, yeah, Nicole? One other actress, Frances Fisher, joined the fray and Tweeted out this photo of herself:

Sorry other ladies whose names I have now forgotten. Looks like we’ve found our Lucy … though as I said at the top … Don’t mess with Lucy!

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It's Snarkurday!

I’ve never heard of Willa Ford, but apparently she’s aiming for a comeback of sorts.

Willa’s first—and only—single was the bad girl anthem I Wanna Be Bad; it was released in May 2001 and became a kind of a hit. It was followed by the release of her first album Willa Was Here and a second single, Did Ya’ Understand That.

Unfortunately, Did Ya’ was released on September 11, 2001 and now, sixteen years later, Willa’s still complaining:

“Everything that happened that day froze; the world stood still, as it should have. My second single didn’t do well because anything that launched that day kind of got canned.”

So, she’s blaming the bad reception on 9/11? Seriously? Thousands died that day, lives were changed forever, and she’s complaining because her single didn’t hit?

Except ... Did Ya’ Understand That was actually released on December 4, 2001, long after 9/11, so maybe Willa’s just trying to strike up some sympathy for a career that went nowhere sixteen years ago and she thought blaming it on 9/11 was the right way to go.

Honey? Sit down. You’re not needed here.

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Now, from the Delusional-I-Think-Every-Woman-Wants-Me file comes rap producer Rick Ross who, when asked why he’s never signed a lady rapper to his label, said this:

“You know, I never did it because I always thought, like, I would end up fucking a female rapper and fucking the business up. I’m so focused on my business. I just, I gotta be honest with you. You know, she looking good. I’m spending so much money on her photo shoots. I gotta fuck a couple times.”

Okay, again, look at him. Women would be unable to resist his charms?

Take a seat, Rick, I’ll call you when I stop laughing.

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Who decides what movies to make, because, apparently, there is going to be a live-action Barbie movie; and it was set to star Amy Schumer—as Foul-Mouthed Barbie?—until she split, and now Anne “Oscar Winner” Hathaway will be the doll.

I can see Hathaway’s Oscar campaign for this one ... a pink convertible, a plastic house, a gender neutral date.

And lots of plastic, which would be a perfect fit for Anne Hathaway.

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So, that was Ben Affleck’s face in that new trailer for Justice League; hopefully everyone saw it, because it appears that after Affleck fulfills his contractual duty to be Batman in Justice League and Justice League Pt. 2 he’ll never don the cape again.

And the world heaved a sigh of relief.

The upcoming standalone Batman movie, The Batman, was originally supposed to be written, directed, and starring Ben until he stepped away from directing, until his script was tossed in the trash can, until the studio realized that Affleck’s Batman is the worst thing ever.

A source—and it might just be Christian Bale, furious that Affleck has ruined the character—says that Warner Bros. is quietly making plans to “gracefully” get rid of Affleck.

Gracefully? Howsabout just killing him off? Well, not Affleck, I mean.

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Teenage girls around the world have gone into mourning this week when it was announced that Justin Bieber was cancelling the remaining 15 dates of his Purpose world tour.

And, depending on who you listen to, the reasons range Justin wanted to doo it for The Baby Jeebus to Justin and “unforeseen circumstances” to, and this one seems most likely, that Justin is “just over it.”

I mean, the little twerp has never exactly cared about his fans so why wouldn’t he just end the tour because something shiny caught his eye and he wants to follow that?

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A couple of years ago, I posted about the time that TV “star” Tia Mowry ran into movie star Charlize Theron at Soul Cycle and was given the grand snub. And so Tia Mowry ran to InTouch magazine to whine that Theron refused to even say ‘Hello’ to her and how devastating that was and now, apparently things have slowed down in Charlize’s life, because now, three years later, she’s clapping back ...

While doing press for Atomic Blonde, Charlize appeared on Watch What Happens Live and Andy Cohen used the game, Plead The Fifth, to ask about Tia’s remarks ...

“[Charlize] wasn’t very nice to me. I said, ‘Hi,’ and she actually rolled her eyes and said, ‘Oh, my God.’ I wasn’t over-the-top. I know how to approach another celebrity. Charlize was just mean. I’m just being honest.”

When Andy brought this up, Charlize “jokingly” said, “What a bitch!” before dismissing it because it showed up in InTouch. But Andy, because he’s a gossipy queen like yours truly, reminded Theron that Tia herself gave the magazine the exclusive, which Andy mentioned, leading Charlize to talk about it:

“I’m really nice at SoulCycle, actually, because once my endorphins kick in I’m actually almost too friendly. I’m always touching people, like, ‘Hey!'”

Like, “Hey, TV actress? Bugger off! I’m a star!”?

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From the This Is Such A Trainwreck file comes word of a new film starring Gina Gershon, Whoopi Goldberg and Charlie Sheen.

Here’s the film: total strangers, trapped in a high-rise elevator, must work together to survive before the cable snaps! And why does the cable snap?

Oh, it’s because ... wait for it ... it’s vile ... a plane just hit the North Tower.

Yup, it’s a 9/11 film ... called 9/11. Seriously. But hey, Gershon, Goldberg and Sheen?

Set your clocks for Oscar next year because I see a slew of awards for this one!

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I have always blamed Usher for giving us Justin Bieber, and now it appears maybe Usher will be made to pay for it ... in a roundabout sort of way.

Usher, is being sued for $10 million for ALLEGEDLY exposing a sex partner to herpes.  And he’s known about it for years because, again, ALLEGEDLY, Usher had to pay off a former lay in 2012 for giving her herpes.

In court documents concerning that case, doctors reportedly confirmed that Usher had it and shared, and now a different woman—referred to as “Jane Doe”—is suing “U.R. IV”—AKA Usher—for “negligence, battery and emotional distress” and seeking $10,000,000 in damages.

Now, you might think that ten million for herpes is a lot of Chlamydia, er, clams, the truth is that Jane Doe doesn’t claim to have contracted herpes, but after doing the deed with Usher’s STD peen and then finding out about the first case make her need a lot of coins to calm herself down.

Doe claims that she had sex with Usher on April 16 and that there was “heavy petting, some kissing, and she performed oral sex on him”—though he wore a condom. Two weeks later, they had a repeat performance only this time Usher was glove-less down there.

And then she read the reports that he has The Herpes and off to court she went because the mere idea that she had unprotected sex with him and he may have given her herpes, but didn’t, should equal ten million bucks.

Maybe Usher could ask Bieber for a loan?

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So, Michael B. Jordan was at Comic Con over the weekend because he’s Killmonger in Black Panther, and was asked about being a sex symbol and he literally said:

“Who? Me?”

And the crowd was all, “Yes! You!” as Jordan tried to sidestep the talk:

“I’m just adjusting to this new air that I’m kind of breathing in, and it’s a balance. I’m trying to find a balance. I’m just trying to mature and develop as a man and as an actor, in front of the screen and behind, so it’s cool. I’m handling it OK. My family is keeping me grounded.”

Sweet. But here’s the deal ... Michael B. Jordan is a sex symbol.

Clearly ...

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It's Snarkurday!

I always like how Jennifer Lawrence tries to play herself off as just a Regular Jen.

See her fall down at the Oscars! Watch her barf on a red carpet! Hear her talk about farting! Watch her have an entire boutique in New York City shut down so she could shop!

Wait … what? Yup, JLaw went into Alexander Wang’s shop in Soho last week and had the store shut down for an hour — customers, regular folk, you know, were turned away — so she could browse without the riff-raff getting too close.

Regular Jen? Not so much.

Sean Hayes plays God in “An Act of God,” now playing in LA, and he’s taking the role to heart, even if it means calling out Candy Spelling for being late to the theater.

On opening night, the late Candy Spelling tried to slip into her seat unnoticed when God, er, Sean Hayes said, from the stage:

“I am the Lord ... but I’ll wait.”

Yes, even God waits for Candy Spelling to find a seat.

Jared Leto is one of those “method Actors” who has to live the role while he plays the role … as he did while playing The Joker in the upcoming Suicide Squad.

He opted to send out Welcome To The Production Gifts to the cast … like bullets for Will Smith — to possibly send out to Oscar voters next year if he’s snubbed again — and a live rat he sent to Margot Robie. Leto even sent a special gift to Viola Davis:

“The Joker – he did some bad things, Jared Leto did. He gave some really horrific gifts. He had a henchman who’d come into the rehearsal room, and the henchman came in with a dead pig, and plopped it on the table. And then he walked out. And that was our introduction into Jared Leto.”

Yup, Viola got a dead pig from Jared Leto. So what? Was FTD closed that day?

So, Rihanna bailed on the Grammys and now she’s bailing on her tour?

Well, it’s happening, but now where and how it was supposed to happen. It was ALLEGEDLY set to start this week in San Diego, but it’s been moved to March 12 … in Jacksonville, Florida. But San Diego isn’t the only city Rihanna is screwing; shows in Oakland, San Jose, Houston, Austin, Dallas, Atlanta, Phoenix, and New Orleans have been rescheduled for May because of … “production delays.”

Maybe the Weed Truck is delayed?

But it’s worse in England where Rihanna has simply canceled two shows in Sunderland and Cardiff due to “logistical reasons.”

The Weed Truck doesn’t have a passport?

And it’s not great in the rest of Europe; Rihanna’s show in Berlin has been moved from the Olympic Stadium to the smaller Mercedes-Benz Arena, and the same thing happened in Belgium, where she’ll be headlining a summer festival instead of her own show; in Vienna, RiRi has been moved from the Ernst Happel Stadium to the smaller Wiener Stadthalle.

Downsizing. It’s not a good look on you Rihanna!

Oh Anne Hathaway! The role of a lifetime for you and, well, better luck next time.

Last fall, Disney announced that they’re working on a musical sequel to Mary Poppins because everyone wanted one … fifty years after the first one. Well, Disney executives did because they like the idea of more coins.

Still, this Poppins sequel will take place 20 years after the first movie and will use stories from the P.L. Travers’ series. And everyone, well, at least Anne Hathaway, was brimming with excitement because Anne Hathaway would be playing Mary—

What? Rumor has it that Emily Blunt had been offered the role and is in talks with Disney and so that ear-piercing, blood-curdling, agent-firing shriek you hear is Anne Hathaway, beating the ground with an umbrella with a talking bird handle.

Chim-chim-cheree, my ass!

So, 50 Cent. Last we talked he’d filed for bankruptcy and said the idea that he be forced to pay the lawsuits he lost was akin to slavery.

But, as we know, 50 loves to post photos of himself with stacks of cash on social media — he’s been doing it forever — and now a judge wants to know where all that cash came from, and since he takes selfies with it, it must be his, and therefore he can pay all his legal bills.

In response, 50 posted a photo of himself on a street corner holding a tin cup asking for spare change.

I guess money can’t buy you happiness or, in the case of Harry Styles, deodorant.

Apparently, on a recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes, Kendall, the model one, and Kylie, the not-model one, talked about Harry Styles being all kinds of pig stank.

Kendall said:

“I’ve asked him to shower more and told him a little deodorant never hurts.”

Ouch. But Styles could be used to it, because his last girlfriend, one Taylor Swift, ALLEGEDLY refused to kiss him because he had pig stank breath.

And, speaking of stank … the king of it all, Johnny Depp. Seriously, the man looks like he never bathes, washes his clothes, brushes his teeth, or combs his hair.

But maybe that’s all wrong; I mean, he looks like a  bum, and possibly reeks of alcohol, but Depp himself says that when people meet him they almost always comment on how he doesn’t smell as bad as he looks:

 “When I met people they said, ‘You do look like a hobo, but you smell really good.’ And goddamn it, I smell really good!”

And he says it’s because he uses Dior perfume.

That must be some strong-assed eau de toilette.

I’ve often assumed that Ariana Grande is the reincarnation of Mariah Carey — even though Mariah isn’t dead … it’s just her career that died — and now I have proof.

A new video has surfaced of Mariah being wheeled through a hotel lobby on a special dolly with a chair attachment so Mimi’s feet don’t touch the Earth. Now, I know what you’re saying: Ariana isn’t the new Mimi because Ariana gets carried around by her handlers.

But, c’mon, how many men would it take to lift Mariah? Just sayin … a dolly chair is better.

Oh, and since we talked Rihanna and her tour d-i-saster, let’s revisit her sudden disappearance from last week’s Grammys.

I said that it seemed like she ran off before performing because she’d seen Kendrick Lamar’s rehearsal and knew that her performance was more kindergarten Christmas pageant in comparison and so she fled. Turns out, I was right.

Say it again: Bob was right.

Rihanna’s people said:

“She felt like her performance couldn’t compare [to some of the other artists’], and she was trying to avoid the embarrassment because she knew it wasn’t the right comeback performance. She said, ‘I’m not doing this.'”

Say it with me: Bob was right.

And we’ll end with Rob Kardastrophe, and the fact that his family, especially That Woman, hate the fact that he’s boning Kylie’s boyfriend’s Baby Mama, Blac Chyna.

It appears That Woman would do anything to keep Rob out of Chyna — see what I did there? — and has gone so far as to buy Rob his own home in the Kardastrophe Kommunity in the hopes that maybe he’ll move away from his piece.

Didn’t happen. In fact, it appears Rob has moved Blac Chyna into the home That Woman bought and Blac Chyna began releasing video of all of the foods That Woman bought for him: Sharon’s Sorbet, McCann’s Irish Oatmeal and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter! Now that’s kinda funny, but the message Rob posted on Instagram after the move is the height of high-larity:

“When the pussy good but your family don’t like her so you drop your family and become an orphan.”

I’m guessing That Woman is flipping out in her crypt and just waiting for sunset so she can wing her way to Rob’s house and take back all the I Can’t Believe It’s not Butter!

It's Snarkurday!

Poor little Swifty, she’s just never happy and when she’s really sad she eats her feelings …

Back at the 2014 Grammys, Taylor Swift reallyreallyreally wanted to win the Grammy for Album of the Year for Red because it was the best thing she’d ever done and the best record ever. Except to Grammy voters, who gave the statue to Daft Punk for Random Access Memories and that’s where this gets funny.

You may remember the camera being on Swifty when the award was announced and because both albums start with an ‘R’ Swifty and her Girl Mob squee'd when it seemed like it would be her …

“When they announced the Album of the Year winner it was like, ‘And the album of the year goes to … Reeeeeandom Access Memories, Daft Punk!’ And they really dragged out the ‘reeee. And for a second there, I kind of thought we had it, and we didn’t. I remember not going to after parties. I went home and I cried a little bit, and I got In-N-Out Burger and ate a lot.”—TayTay Swift

Wow, someone thinks that highly of themselves — and she’s eon seven Grammys believe it or not — but then weeps and eats when she doesn’t win “the one.”

I feel so sorry for … next.

GOOP was at Variety’s Power of Women Luncheon recently because she’s a woman and she has power? Okay, that’s a stretch, but during her speech about powerful women she spoke about the most powerful one of all … herself:

“When I was a young woman in Hollywood, if you were a woman focused on building your career, you were labeled ambitious, and that was a bad word.  … I was told to temper my use of SAT words in interviews because it made me ‘unlikeable’.”

Oh honey, you aren’t unlikeable because you use big words, you’re unlikeable because you’re a know-it-all who thinks you should be telling everyone else how to behave.

Siddown.

Kristen Stewart and her lesbian love, Alicia Cargile, are over. They haven’t been seen in plaid and work boots together in months. And the story is that Kristen is so busy right now that she doesn’t have time for a relationship, unless, you know, it’s with a film director and he wants to bang her on set like, oh, I dunno, Rupert Sanders, and can do more for her career than Cargile, who used to be Stewarts assistant.

Honey, you never bang the help. Did Schwarzenegger teach us nothing?

Anne Hatchway is a big star; just ask her. And one thing she will not stand for is having a common waitress not get her eggs ordered correctly.

Apparently OscarWinnerAnne™ was on the Paramount lot shooting a commercial for Japanese TV — she’d never do an ad for American television because OscarWinnerAnne™  — and when the set caterers did not prepare Miss Hathaway’s eggs to her liking, she sent them back … four times!

1st try: Poached egg too runny.

2nd try: English muffin was cold because it sat while egg #2 was being poached.

3rd try: Egg #2 cold because it sat while chef toasted muffin #2.

4th try: Egg, muffin and avocado were perfect, but it took so long she decided she was in the mood for a fried egg.

Wow, I think everyone in the civilized world knows that you don’t mess with people preparing and serving your food, let you want some extra saliva or a couple drops of Visine or a laxative mixed it with your eggs.

So Swifty’s boyfriend Calvin Harris loves a good massage, and now some British rags are claiming that TayTay is so enraged that Calvin keeps getting photographed after his rubdown that she dumped him. But she didn’t; and they are still together despite the fact that some folks are rumoring that Calvin Harris frequents the kind of massage parlor where one gets really happy, right there at the end … and then gets a hot towel to clean up after, and now Calvin is threatening to sue … via Twitter of course:

“It's not going to be a 'happy ending' for everyone I sue for defamation of character for all these bullshit stories bye bye”

Oh, snap.

So, Johnny Depp and the missus have been hitting up every single premiere of Black Mass, everywhere around the world; at last count, the film had premiered in over 7,000 places and Depp and heard were all over it.

But don’t think Depp is shoving this movie down our throats because he wants an Oscar; he does not. He says he will take a nomination, but hopes his name is never called at the show because he doesn’t wanna talk.

This all sounds like Depp playing like he doesn’t want the nekkid gold man because he really wants the nekkid gold man and hopes academy voters will just give him one already so he can put on an ugly hat, smuggling his dogs into the Kodak Theater and mumble incoherently until the music plays him off.

Abby Lee Miller, of Dance Moms might be teaching the Jailhouse Tango one day. ABC News says that Miller was hit with twenty counts of fraud for ALLEGEDLY trying to hide a bunch of money when she declared bankruptcy back in 2010.

Maybe she’ll do a new show: Orange is the New Macarena.

Several months ago, in the heat of an ugly divorce between Bobby Flay and Stephanie March, Flay got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and someone flew a plane overhead with a giant “Cheater” banner on it. It was high-larious.

And even though now the divorce has been settled and March walked away with a load of cash and a new Bobby Flay Grill, people are still trashing the chef.

Flay was holding an event — “Brunch at Bobby’s with Bobby Flay featuring Bobby Flay” — and he was protested again by a gaggle of topless females bearing red X’s on their breasts and the word “Cheater” painted on their bodies.

Seriously, that is funny.

Sean Penn has been on the lookout for a new younger girlfriend since he split from Charlize Theron so he could parade his hot younger piece around town.

First, he tried to score Minka Kelly — paying for her birthday party when he barely knew her — but she quickly shut that down. Then he tried someone called Emmanuelle Vaugier but she wasn’t really a ‘name’ so he moved on.

Now he’s ALLEGEDLY wooing Frieda Pinto who split from Dev Patel last December. Penn made an appearance at The Nice Guy bar — yes, that’s the name — in West Hollywood along with a gaggle of friends to celebrate Frieda’s 31st birthday.

So, maybe he’ll stay hooked to Frieda for a hot minute to keep his Not So Nice Guy cred up to date, or …

Is he back to boning Madonna?

Penn showed up at Madge’s Rebel Heart tour in New York and Vancouver, and during her Brooklyn show, Madge told the audience that Penn had written her a nice note saying he appreciates her ‘art,’ and by ‘art,’ he means her rock-hard, surgically enhanced body.

And since Sean and Madge apparently stayed at the same hotel in Vancouver, he appears set to be her groupie on the California leg of her; there are even rumors he’ll be headed to Europe when she goes.

So, is he banging the ex, or is he just unloading his ‘tour bus’ until the right young one comes along?

Speaking exes, Gwen Stefani is taking a page out of the TayTay handbook and has written a song, or an entire album, about her breakup with Gavin Rossdale.

It’s called “Used To Love You” and contains the lyrics about how much she loathes Rossdale. I wonder how her kids will react to hearing Mommy sing about how much she hates Daddy because that right there is some good parenting.

Beyoncé’s dad Mathew Knowles has come out and said his little girl is actually a little bigger than we all knew … as in she’s roughly two years older than she says she is. Knowles says Bey is as old as Pink was born in September 1979, or maybe even as old as Usher, who was born in October 1978.

Does anyone really think Beyoncé would lie about her age? I mean, her husband does; and everything about her, from the wigs to the clothes to the foldable baby bump seems made-up so … maybe Papa’s right.

Back to Gwyneth Paltrow, AKA Dr. GOOP.

She recently got a whole lot of trouble for saying that sitting in a hot sauna will flush the flu out of your system. Medical experts — and GOOP ain’t one — say that while sitting in a sauna may help you flush out clogged sinuses, it will actually make your flu worse.

Shut it down, Paltrow. Only now she’s back and declaring wearing an underwire bra can lead to cancer.

A post on GOOP, written by Dr. Habib Sadeghi, cites a book from 1995 titled  Dressed to Kill: The Link Between Breast Cancer and Bras to explain that wearing a tight bra can restrict the lymph nodes around the mammary area and raise the temperature of tissue, which could screw with the hormone function and increase a woman’s risk for breast cancer. Habib also says the underwire in a bra can magnify the radiation from WiFi and cell phones and warms women to not wear bras with underwire and give their mammaries a rest.

I’m guessing, though, that he has no problem at all with the $80 underwire bras that Paltrow sells on her website. He just means don’t wear bras that don’t give coins back to GOOP.

So, Johnny Depp doesn’t want an Oscar, but Leonardo DiCaprio does.

Leo’s newest Oscar show, The Revenant will get a giant awards season push from New Regency. And even thought the film, directed by Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, went way over budget, the studio has hired a platoon of men and women to get Leo the gold.

I guess no one remembers that it was just last year that Jennifer Aniston and her people hired a bunch of consultants to win her an Oscar and she didn’t even get a nod.

I say Leo should just sit back and go to the show and wait quietly until Johnny Depp’s name is called and then race him to the stage.

So, Kaley Cuoco makes about a million an episode of The Big Bang Theory and now she’s about to get Big Banged In Reality because her husband of twenty-one months wants spousal support.

And since Cuoco and her ex, Ryan Sweeting, never thought their ninety-day courtship needed a prenup, he looks like he might one day soon be rolling in the ali-more-money.