It's Snarkurday!

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Vivica A. Fox—the ‘A’ is for Asshat—has a career based on one film, 1996’s Independence Day, and the fact that she likes to say that Fifty Cent enjoys getting his salad tossed. And now she has a new gig coming to TV though she doesn’t want The Gays to watch it.

Vivica’s Black Magic, on Lifetime, will document Fox’s efforts to launch a male stripper show in Vegas but while promoting it, she thought it best to tell The Gays to stay away. When asked if her dancers would shake their moneymakers for gay men, too, Fox snapped:

“Aw, hell no. Back all that up. No! No! There’s no need to, they dance for women. It’s called the ‘Ultimate Girls’ Night Out’ for a reason.”

Careful, Viv, because I imagine you are surrounded by gay men who do your hair and your nails and your clothes and your plastic surgery. Watch your mouth before you start looking like Ernest Borgnine. Or, better still watch out for the Twitterers who came for you ...

“Really @MsVivicaFox? Imagine if some1 said no black women allowed. Not okay!! Stop hate -wake up it’s 2017.”

Vivica snapped back three times:

“CRAZY how u are trying to take one small moment out of MY interview and call me [homophobic]?? U are trash dude! Complete trash! SMDH.”

“Stop it w this I’m [homophobic] crap! My show is 4 the LADIES Got it?! #UltimateGurlsNiteOut is EXACTLY what we do! No HATE on Gays! EVER!”

“No hate! I’ve NEVER been [homophobic]! U are spreading hate not me! Have a blessed day and check us out next week #VivicasBlackMagic is HAWT.”

Vivica seemed poised to stand her ground, but once she caught sight of herself in a two-dollar weave, an off-the-rack dress from the Discount Drag Queen Warehouse, some off-bran Espadrilles and those few stray hairs left unplucked from her chin, she remembered who buttered her bread and apologized:

“Sure! I've been a FRIEND n supporter of the LGBT community! Didn't mean 2 offend and I'm woman enough 2 apologize! My show is 4 all 2 enjoy”

Well, not for all, because it sounds like trash and a too-little-too-late rip-off of Magic Mike XXL. So, sit down Vivica, your plastic surgeon has a little something new for your face.

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Well, the Kanye-Beyoncé-Jay Z beef won’t end anytime soon if this story is even partially true ...

Rumor has it that Beyoncé tore into Missus Kanye West ... for now ... during a phone call when Kim asked her to try and soothe tensions after Kanye’s hospitalization. In other words, Kim said, “My husband is a lunatic, please try and watch your mouth because I can’t guarantee your safety.”

That doesn’t sound so bad, does it? I mean, it’s kinda true ... of course, this comes on the heels of other Beyoncé snubs of That Klan, like when Kim asked [read: begged] to be Beyonce’s friend or to  let Blue Ivy play with North and Beyoncé just shut her down.

Still, two things make me think the story is fake: Kim Kardastrophe has Beyonce’s private phone number? And if she does, Beyoncé actually answers her own phone?

Oh hell no.

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So ... ABC’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve and Mariah Carey, right? What a d-i-saster.

I mean, the backing vocal was all wrong, or so Mimi says, so she strutted around the stage like a stripper without a pole. But then the next song she declares is the album version and yet she still can’t get it together enough to sing so she struts some more, has a dancer hoist her up a flight of stairs and then wanders off like my drunken Aunt June at Cousin Edna’s wedding last fall.

But why didn’t the producers save her? Why not cut to commercial and fix the mess? Who knows because they aren’t talking, though Mimi, who first Tweeted a ‘sh*t happens’ message, is now trying to wring more drama out of this than Whitney—goddess rest her soul—trying to wring sweat from a towel during a stage performance of ‘I Wanna Dance With Somebody.’

Mimi’s people—wearing tin-foil hats—are saying that Carey was sabotaged in an attempt to get higher TV ratings for ABC because a Mariah That Sucks gets better numbers than a Mariah That Sings. In fact, Chief Conspiracy Theorist at Camp Carey, her  manager, Stella Bulochnikov, says:

“I will never know the truth, but I do know that we told them three times that her mic pack was not working and it was a disastrous production. I’m certainly not calling the FBI to investigate. It is what it is: New Year’s Eve in Times Square. Mariah did them a favor. She was the biggest star there and they did not have their s–t together.”

Dick Clark Productions responded to the allegations with this statement:

“As the premier producer of live television events for nearly 50 years, we pride ourselves on our reputation and long-standing relationships with artists. To suggest that dcp, as producer of music shows including the American Music Awards, Billboard Music Awards, New Year’s Rockin’ Eve and Academy of Country Music Awards, would ever intentionally compromise the success of any artist is defamatory, outrageous and frankly absurd. In very rare instances there are of course technical errors that can occur with live television, however, an initial investigation has indicated that dcp had no involvement in the challenges associated with Ms. Carey’s New Year’s Eve performance. We want to be clear that we have the utmost respect for Ms. Carey as an artist and acknowledge her tremendous accomplishments in the industry.”

In other words, dcp says Mariah Sucks ... something most of us knew long before New Year’s Eve.

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Sylvester Stallone is an American icon and ... okay, I kid ... but he is a Golden Globe winner and the father of the three ...count ‘em, three ... Miss Golden Globes from the show the other night—his daughters Sistine, like the Chapel, Scarlet, like the Letter and Sophia, like the Bush, were the beauties onstage handing out the statues. But none of that guaranteed that Stallone would have a good seat at the show. In fact, he was almost invisible during the program because of a seating snafu.

Stallone and the Missus were scheduled to sit at the Manchester by the Sea table along with that film’s star, Casey Affleck, its producer, Matt Damon and its writer-director, Kenneth Lonergan, but when Stallone and his wife Jennifer Flavin arrived they only found one seat waiting for them. And rumor has it that they were so annoyed that no one, not Damon or Affleck or Lonergan offered to give up their chair. So Sly and his Family Stallone, embarrassed by the snub, watched the show from backstage.

Later in the evening, after nabbing a Globe for Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama, Casey Affleck saw Stallone backstage and tried to apologize for the seating mess but Stallone was not having it.

His reps, though, did have something to say:

“The story you refer to is an interesting rumor—but a rumor nonetheless. Sylvester Stallone had a wonderful evening attending and presenting at the Golden Globes and celebrating with his family and friends.”

Celebrating by a buffet table set up in a hallway backstage, I guess.

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I’d always assumed that Flip or Flop’s Tarek El Moussa’s favorite color was gray—given that he chooses gray for every surface in every house he flips—but apparently I was wrong and his favorite color is green.

We all know that Flip or Flop’s Tarek and Christina El Moussa split up a long time ago—though they continued to film their TV show as a lovingly married couple—and she started bumping uglies with their friend, and former contractor, Gary Anderson while Tarek ALLEGEDLY banged their nanny, but now the marriage is really over because Tarek won the footrace to the courthouse to file for divorce and to ask for spousal support.

And while Tarek and Christina say they will keep their divorce civil—and continue to play a happily uncoupled couple on their HGTV show—it’s already gone uglier than a bad travertine shower surround.

Tarek wants coins from Christina and wants a judge to ban her from getting her mitts on his ass ... ets. But why so nasty, since they’re both real estate agents and do the same job on the show, which is pretending to actually do manual labor on their show, while the real work is done by a bunch of guys named Manuel.

Is it because maybe Christina was doing the nasty with Gary long before the couple split up ... which was long before they announced they split up?

Maybe Tarek will be using that little snatch of adultery to get more coins. Either way you Flip it, their marriage is a Flop.

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Okay, so we started with Gay Hater Vivica A. Fox, so let’s end with her ...

We know that she stuck her rented Size 11 Louboutin’s in her mouth when she banned The Gays from watching her craptastic Lifetime show about male strippers, because she backtracked as soon as she realized that, without The Gays, she’d be doing nails in the Valley for minimum wage.

But now there’s this ... Vivica’s business partner Jean-Claude LaMarre is done with her over her No Gays Can Watch My Show mess, and is cutting all ties with her:

“The comments were out of order, and it does not represent our attitudes toward the LGBT community. All are welcomed. Vivica speaks for herself, not the business or the show.”

Vivica started working with Jean-Claude when he put her in his movie Chocolate City, which morphed into Vivica’s Black Magic, and while he’ll still executive produce the show, he is done working with Vivica A. Fox.

Again, the ‘A’ is asshat.

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It's Snarkurday!

So, after Blake Shelton up and divorced Miranda Lambert amid rumors that she’s a cheatin’ croonin’ country star, she needed to beef up her image and what better way to get some press than to appear onstage with former country crooner turned pop tart Taylor Swift?

When Swifty’s tour came to North Carolina, Miranda was there, too, and they sang one of Lambert’s hits, “Little Red Wagon.” And it all looked so sweet except … the two are ALLEGEDLY feuding and have been for a couple of years, so it was tense that night, onstage and off … says a source:

“The girls were anything but friendly that night. Miranda was miffed that Taylor flubbed several lines of ‘Little Red Wagon’ and also annoyed that Taylor made her wear a 1989 shirt.”

Taylor Swift is a stylist, too? But I digress … the tension dates back to when the two gals got into a screaming match over a collaboration that fell apart and ever since then they hate each other. Miranda thinks Taylor is fake … you don’t say … while TayTay says Miranda is a mean girl … go figure. So why the concert duet? Damage control.

Since Miranda’s divorce, and the rumors that she’s boning any man and every man that comes within ten feet, her reputation is shot. Cheating boozing lying … maybe TayTay is a career stylist … too?

And speaking of Miranda, let’s jump to Blake Shelton and his new girlfriend, and newly divorced herself, Gwen Stefani.

After finally saying what everyone knew was true — that they were doing one another — the NBC press train … NBC owns The Voice and therefore owns Stefani and Shelton … made it clear that this new romance started after Gwen split from her husband Gavin Rossdale, except … Gavin doesn’t think so.

Gavin’s theory is that Gwen was on the down-low, turning in that chair with Blake Shelton while they were still married because she was afraid a nasty divorce, and rumors of cheating would cost Gwen a boatload of alimony cash.

Of course, maybe he’s just sour graping because of the song she wrote about him after the split … a song that, as I said a few weeks back, was kinda nasty and not really the kind of song a mother would like her kids to hear her sing about their father. And maybe he’s pissy because folks say she wrote it that way since he was ALLEGEDLY doing the down-low thing with Marilyn …

All this cheating makes for a perfect country song … Get to writin’ it, Blake.

I adore Tim Gunn and here’s just one reason … Tim has once again served the tea — a few weeks back he dished all things Anna Wintour — during an interview where he was asked about Kanye West’s latest fashion collection … and we're holding until the laughter dies down … and he replied like this:

“Well, I’m reminded of the words of a very dear friend of mine, former editor-in-chief of Vogue Grace Mirabella. I think they’re a bunch of dumb clothes. Just basic pieces.”

And Tim then decided to add some juice about that whole Kardastrophe Klan and their ALLEGED fashion sense and influence:

“The whole Kardashian clan doesn’t like me, so. There are large issues for me, such as ‘Why? Why?’. When it comes to fashion, I say to people all the time, if you want guidance for your fashion, just consider this: If a Kardashian is wearing it — don’t. I think it’s vulgar. And I just think given the amount of public exposure that the Kardashians have, to potentially be sending a message to people that you too can dress like this? No.”

I image now that Kanye and That Woman have huddled around a cauldron trying to come up with a potion to make Tim Gunn recant …

It must be a slow news day when has-been actor, and bad toupee wearer, Burt Reynolds rises from his crypt to say something nasty about his ex-wife, Loni Anderson — whom he wed in 1988 and divorced six years later. But, Burt decided twenty-one years later was the perfect time to dish about Loni, whom he calls “The Countess”:

“The Countess bought everything in triplicate. China. Diamonds. Designer gowns. She’d pay $10,000 a pop for the dress. And being ‘the Countess,’ she’d only wear them once because, you know, she couldn’t possibly wear a dress after it had been photographed. She’d say, ‘I have to dress like a star, Burt.’”

And, he says, when he gave her an American Express Platinum Card, she maxed out the $45,000 credit limit in 30 minutes.

Wait. It was just 45K? Reynolds spent more than that in 30 minutes on toupee glue.

Ariana Not-So-Grande has kinda become a star rather quickly — I mean a couple of years ago she was just some prepubescent schoolgirl and now she’s a prepubescent schoolgirl with a record deal. And, along the way there have been all sorts of stories about what a bratty diva bitch she is, from temper tantrums to America-bashing to fan-hating to donut-licking and on and on.

And now this; she was supposed to be on The Jonathan Ross Show in Britain, but didn’t show up ALLEGEDLY because a new Krispy Kreme had opened on the corner and she had Maple Glazed to lick.

Apparently her minions, and by minions, I mean her parents because she doesn’t have to pay them, told Jonathan Ross’ people that she was getting in a car to go over to shoot the episode but then she never arrived; and so Ross trashed the petulant little diva on air:

“Ariana is in town. We were told she would be in the car at 6pm to be here for 7pm then it got to 7pm and she was not in the car – 7.30pm and she is still not in the motherfucking car. So I don’t think we can hold out much hope. I don’t know what it is. We are going to give Ariana the benefit of the doubt and not say anything mean or judgmental. I apologise to anyone who might have come along hoping to see her. She was booked but the lazy little fucker has not come. Maybe she has gone to her first Nando’s.”

I imagine now that Arianna has created a Jonathan Ross voodoo doll out of bits of her weave, some donut crumbs, and crusty bits of chicken and will stand outside his apartment wailing like a bird with a broken wing … if she can get there in time.

Robert De Niro is cranky; he’s cranky like “get off my lawn” cranky.

At the Wall Street Journal Innovator Awards in New York last week, a man named Stewart Butterfield — his real name — won an award and during his speech, pointed out all the famous people in the room, and then took aim at De Niro:

"I watched ‘Godfather II’ on the plane ... when you killed Don Fanucci, I liked that."

Robert De Niro didn’t like it, and when he took the stage to present an award to Angelina … need I say Jolie … he went off:

“Whoever the last speaker was ... I thought you were a bit condescending to us actors ... celebrities. I’m gonna go on record with you just to say that. And I don’t give a fuck who you are.”

And then Robert De Niro had Stewart Butterfield offed. Well, maybe not, but he could have; and the lesson is, never speak to De Niro, about De Niro, or look into the eyes of De Niro.

And now for some Food Network gossip … This year ALLEGED adulterer Bobby Flay divorced his wife and ALLEGED adulteress Giada de Laurentiis divorced her husband and the internet went wild that Giada and Bobby would be bumping uglies before the year was out.

Now, maybe not so much. Giada recently admitted on Watch What Happens Live that she would NEVER date Bobby Flay after hot Andy Cohen suggested that there are people out there who want to see these two foodies play hide the chorizo.

“We’re very good friends, we’ve worked for many years together. But I don’t think that’s ever going to happen, because I’m smarter than that.”

So, is she smarter than dating Bobby Flay or is she smarter than telling Andy Cohen, who never met a tidbit of gossip he didn’t Tweet to death, that she wouldn’t date Flay?

I’m still sensing hanky-panky in the kitchen.

Forget about the Taylor Swift and Katy Perry Feud, because there’s some old school divalicious about Mariah Carey and Jennifer Lopez.

It seems that JLo’s manager Benny Medina, also represented Mimi from 2003 to 2008, and then tried to get back into her career ruining, I kid, running, I kid, but JLo put the kibosh on it and renegotiated her contract with Medina to include a “No Mariah” clause.

I assumed that clause was standard practice in Hollywood.

I can’t help it … I love girls feuding. Especially when the girls are Vivica Fox and 50 Cent. And to think it all started with the rumors that Vivica once tossed 50’s salad, and the of Fiddy’s ass getting Vivica lip treatment raised its ugly head again when Fox appeared on Watch What Happens Live and Andy Cohen asked her about Fiddy’s Instagram post that blamed Empire’s second season ratings slump on the “extra gay stuff”:

Andy: What were your thoughts when 50 Cent blamed the second season ratings dip on “gay stuff”?

Vivica: First of all, um, you know the pot calling the kettle black is all I’m saying.

Andy: Pot calling the kettle black… So you’re not insinuating that he’s…  Vivica A. Fox, what are you insinuating?

Vivica: Well, I mean, no, he’s not. I mean, we had a good time. I mean, but he’s just, seems, like he’s got something that’s not quite clear. So….

Andy: You mean sometimes if people protest too much about something, that the actual fire is happening right there in front of them?

Vivica: Yes. Absolutely. I’ll just never forget there was a Vibe cover with him and Soulja Boy that made me go, “Hmm.” I’m just saying…

Andy: So you saw the cover and you thought… Were you with him at the time the cover came out?

Vivica: Absolutely not. Well, he looked like a booty snatcher on that one to me.

And so the feud was off and as soon as that episode of WWHL aired both 50 Cent and Soulja Boy went on the attack against Fox; Soulja Boy Instagrammed a picture of Vivica looking a little rode hard and put away wet … as we say here in Smallville’s horse country … and he added the caption:

“Everybody hit up this cougar...she’s single & ready to mingle …1-800-GrannyDesperateForAttention extension I’mWashedUp”

And then Fiddy took aim:

“Oh No!!!, Now she thinks I’m gay because I let her lick my Ass. LMAO. Wait, I didn’t want her to, she forced me, and my hands were tied. 50 shades of grey”

Sounds like a lot of protesting to me … and funny that Fiddy and Soulja both came for Vivica. Where there’s smoke, there might be flamers.

Since we already did some Snark Talk this week about Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani, and when they began banging, and with whom his ex, Miranda Lambert, may have been cheating with, and how her ex, Gavin Rossdale, suspected that Gwen was already riding Blake before his divorce, and before their divorce, except …

Right about the time Gwen and Gavin put the kibosh on their wedded bliss, rumors circulated about Gwen firing the nanny because maybe the nanny was, um, nannying Gavin, too.

And now there seems to be more rumors that, yes, Gavin was boning the nanny, Mindy Mann, for up to three years, including the years that Gwen was knocked up with their youngest kid. Gwen ALLEGEDLY found out about the Nanny Banging when another nanny — how many nannies do these folks need — read a slew of text messages, and saw some nude pics, between Mindy and Gavin on the family iPad.

Damn that technology! It makes it so much harder for bored male celebrities to bang the nanny without their wives finding out.