Snarky Thoughts

Clearly it’s his ego that runs his life, because Tom Brady has finally decided to retire from football since he failed to take his team to the Super Bowl this year. I mean, his marriage ended because he refused to retire but he only quit the game after the game quit him first.

My Thought: A year too late, Tommy.

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Actress Eva Green has been left “humiliated” by the release of her private text messages she sent out while making the 2019 sci-fi thriller film ‘A Patriot.’ Though the film crashed and burned due to a lack of funding and a falling-out with financial backers, but some say Green’s WhatsApp messages are what really caused the death of the film. Still, to be fair Eva did text that the crew were “shitty peasants,” that a producer was “the devil,” the film’s director “weak and stupid,” and the entire project was a “Bull shit movie” and a “fucking nightmare” but she denies the rumor that she wanted the “chaotic” film to collapse so she would have a chance to seize control of it.

My Thought: Would she really trash every single aspect of the movie and then try to get it made herself? I mean, come on, think how badly the shitty peasants would treat her!

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It seems like Jolly Old London just became less jolly for everyone’s least favorite royal—which is saying something—Prince Andrew. A “royal insider”—and I think it’s Kate—says King Charles III has kicked his younger brother out of Buckingham Palace.

My Thought: Meh. Rumor has it that Randy Andy wasn’t even living or working at the Palace but was living at the Royal Lodge at Windsor with his ex-wife Sarah Ferguson.

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As we know, 64-year-old Thirst Queen Madonna is going on tour to celebrate her 40-year music career, but odd that it happens just as the Madonna-written, Madonna-directed, Madonna biopic, MADONNA! Was shelved by Universal Pictures. And all this after universal had spent more than $10 million on the film … most going to find a Thai Ladyboy to play Madge in her 60s.

My Thought: I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for another film studio to pick up the option, because they’d have to cough up millions to Universal to take this vanity thirst project off their hands.

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In case you’ve forgotten at one time Taylor Lautner was one of Taylor Swift‘s lengthy list of ex-lovers. And Taylor was with Taylor during that night back in 2009 at the MTV VMAs when Kanye West jumped onstage and basically told Swifty she’d never be Bey-Bey which leads us to Taylor, Lautner that is, saying he wishes he would have jumped onstage and … said something … to Kanye about being mean to poor Swifty.

My Thought: Taylor Lautner wants to revive his “career” after those vampire movies and what better way to do that than to rehash a fourteen-year-old story that very few people really cared about when it was current?

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Snarky Thoughts

I’m not sure how many times Tom Brady got sacked this year but me thinks his brain rattled around in his melon a little longer than necessary because after losing his shot at another Super Bowl, he spewed up some nonsense about how he wants his three children—Jack, Benjamin, and Vivian—to experience a little bit of failure in their lives because he believes it will help them build character.

My Thought: This from a man who ended his marriage because he wouldn’t give up his dream of being the winningest winner ever?

Sidenote: No Super Bowl for Brady this year, loser.

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Somewhere screenwriter Diablo Cody is enjoying a bit of karma after the news broke that Universal Pictures has scrapped the Madonna bio-pic that was to be directed by Madonna, co-written by Madonna and Diablo Cody, and starring approved-by-Madonna, Julia Warner.

My Thought: No one other than Madonna was interested in this being made.

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After Chris Brown showed his massive wardrobe on Instagram collection, calling his closet a department store with hundreds of items on display, he was slapped with two federal tax liens from the IRS for $2,245,561.50 and $1,059,967.78, and a bill from California for some $739,067.48 in back taxes. Brown has been ordered to pay the nearly $4M at once or both the feds and California will move in  to collect.

My Thought: Don’t show off your wealth all over social media if you aren’t paying your taxes.

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Where in the world is Cult of Scientology leader David Miscavige is missing, or in hiding, to avoid being served with a lawsuit ALLEGING that he was involved in child trafficking. The federal lawsuit, brought by a group of plaintiffs who were formerly in the Sea Org–a strict group within Scientology–claims Miscavige trafficked them as children, and their lawyers have been trying to serve Miscavige for over four-months, but he has been in hiding.

My Thought: I wonder if he's hiding in the same as his wife, Shelley Miscavige, who's been missing not seen in public for over fifteen years.

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If you’ve ever watched Bridgerton then you know the beauty that is Regé-Jean Page. But what you don’t know, is that science, er, British plastic surgeon Dr. Julian De Silva, claimed to have proof that Regé-Jean is the most handsome man on the planet ... those are his stats below.

My Thought: He’s kinda dreamy, sweet hot, but y’all know I have a closet full of Husbands In My Head who best Regé-Jean at every turn. What’s your take?

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Snarky Thoughts

Earlier this year actress-model-media whore Julia Fox began dating rapper-media whore Kanye West but after just six weeks of attention-grabbing theatrics, which included an essay about their second date, they broke up. Julia, never one to pass a chance at media attention, is still speaking about the, ahem, “relationship,’ saying it hurt her acting “career” and says she only began dating Kanye to … and this is rich … as in how rich Kanye used to be before going off the deep end again and losing all his contracts … Julia says she dated Kanye to distract him from attacking his ex-wife, Kim Kardashian.

My Thought: Bitch.Please.

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Nick Cannon has done it again. While it was just in September that he and Brittany Bell welcomed his 10th child, this week it was revealed that  Abby De La Rosa just popped out his 11^th and Alyssa Scott is still pregnant with his 12^th, who will likely be arriving next year.

My Thought: Cannon brags about spending millions a year in child support, but how much does he actually see his eleven soon to be twelve, children? If it’s not that much, he's still a deadbeat dad in my book.

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Oh, I am so sad … songbird—and mother to two of Nick Cannon’s spawn—Mariah Carey tried to trademark herself as the ‘Queen of Christmas’ again—the US Trademark Trial and Appeal Board rejected her prior request—and she has been denied again.

My Thought: Yes, Virginia, there really is a Santa Claus.

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Now that Gisele Bundchen has traded herself to the single ladies’ team since divorcing Tom Brady, their massive fortune has been split between the two of them. But … a charity they’re both board members on—the Luz Foundation—claims the ex-Mister-and-Missus Brady are actually less than charitable. In fact, these one-percenters ALLEGEDLY took that title quite seriously and gave less than 1% of their combined earnings over the course of twelve years.

My Thought: I’m not surprised, neither one of them comes off as giving.

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Dean McDermott hyped up his “hot wife,” Tori Spelling, by sharing a photo of the “actress” on his Instagram page:

“I mean . . . Holy Smoke Show!!! Hot wife ALERT!!”

McDermott recently dispelled rumors that the two were breaking up after months of speculation that he and Spelling were heading toward a divorce. 

My Thought: I wonder how Tori will feel when she learns that Dean posted a photo of Khloé Kardastrophe?

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Snarky Thoughts

We all know Matthew Perry was a raging drug and alcohol addict while on Friends but we know more now because he’s written a book to tell us … like how he wished death upon Keanu Reeves. Perry was online bitch-slapped for the part in his memoir where he wonders why actors like River Phoenix and Heath Ledger die too soon, but “Keanu Reeves still walks among us” and offered up some BS apology saying he just grabbed a name out of the sky and it turned out to be Keanu Reeves.

My Thought: Sorry, Matthew but why not say “And yet I still walk among you.” I mean after decades of rampant drug use and, in your own words, nearly $9,000,000 spent on rehab stays, you are lucky to still be walking, so, yeah, to paraphrase the immortal Chris Crocker, “Leave Keanu alone!”

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A year ago, all anyone could talk about was Adele’s long awaited fourth album, 30, and its first single. ‘Easy On Me.’ But then the second single was supposed to be ‘I Drink Wine’ … AKA My Personal Theme Song … and we got ‘Oh My God’ instead. Well, now ‘I Drink Wine’ was released Adele gave an interview where she said Taylor Swift is one of the greatest songwriters of our generation.

My Thought: Perhaps Adele should rename the song, ‘I Drank Too Much Wine And Spewed Some Shiz.’

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Dame Judi Dench recently wrote an op-ed for The Sunday Times taking Netflix to task for ALLEGEDLY playing fast and loose with the facts on The Crown. And apparently she has that much power because Netflix has added a disclaimer to season five indicating that anything you might hear … like former Prince, now King, Charles, while still married to Diana,  telling his mistress Camilla that he wanted to be reincarnated as a tampon so he could live inside her … is a “fictional dramatization” of events that may or may not be true … even if you heard the words committed to tape for all the world to hear.

My Thought: Netflix backed down, but shaded Dame Judi by revealing that she was in talks to play The Queen Mother during the fifth Tampon Season but turned it down because she wasn’t getting as many coins as Imelda Staunton, who plays The Queen. The Queen Mother role then went to Marcia Warren, who had no issue with the paycheck.

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Big surprise … Gisele Bündchen  and Tom Brady’s marriage is over and has been for several weeks now as their lawyers have already hammered out a settlement and reached an agreement on property and custody of their two children. Gisele filed documents in Florida today and Tom sat on his hands and Boom! they’re done.

My Thought: How many minutes until Tom gets a twenty-something model on his arm because you know he’s all about the trophy!

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If you had Armie Hammer’s new career as “timeshare salesman” on your Hollywood Career Change Bingo Card, you are a winner. Yes, after Armie’s career died amid the accusation of being a cannibalistic sexaholic and the horrid box office of Death on the Nile, Hammer worked as a timeshare salesman in the Cayman Islands. Perhaps he needed the coins because, like Tori Spelling—wow, not even six degrees separate Tori and Armie—American Express says he’s been dodging a $67,000 credit card balance, and they’re taking him to court over it.

My Thought: Cannibalism doesn’t pay enough to pay the AMEX.

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Snarky Thoughts

Reboots annoy me because I say why mess with the original unless it was a real piece of crap. And Naked Gun, and all its sequels, were far from crap. They were stupid humor and sight gag riots and very funny, yet Hollywood clearly thinks it’s time to revive them. So, who will they get to star, and take over the role made famous by Leslie Nielsen? It’s none other than comedy legend Liam Neeson, who is  in talks to take over the role as Nielsen’s character’s son, Frank Drebin Jr.

My Thought: I’ve seen Liam nekkid and perhaps they should call the film Naked Bazooka. But please don’t make Naked Gun: 5: Taken: 6.

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Kevin Spacey took the stand in his own defense to dispute allegations he sexually assaulted actor Anthony Rapp four decades ago, and promptly told the jury that his father was a neo-Nazi.

My Thought: Spacey’s first excuse for being an ALLEGED pedophile was that he’s a gay man because we all know gay men fuck children, but now he’s switched up to ‘Daddy was a Nazi.”? You’re a perv, Kevin, you’re a perv.

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I used to think Khloé Kardastrophe  was the Queen of Standing By Her Man Who Sticks His Peen Wherever He can, but it looks country singer and actor Jana Kramer—never heard of her? Me either—is stealing the crown. But now Kramer has decided to divorce former football player Mike Caussin—who told her he would dump her ass if she ever cheated—and ALLEGES that he cheated on her with thirteen different women.

My Thought: Do Tristan or Caussin have magic penises? I mean, why else would women put up with this?

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If you have always believed the Kardastrophe’s are a Koven, I have some proof for you. After years of running around pimping sex tapes of her daughter, and the lives of her other spawn, That Woman had to have hip-replacement surgery. But instead of showering her mother with good wishes and kindness, Kimmy asked for Mama’s hip bones so she could turn them into jewelry.

My Thought: I know That Woman is, as kd lang once famously sang, A Big Boned Gal, but seriously how many pairs of earrings can you get from her hip bones? 200? 300?

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I don’t know much about actor Megan Fox but I do know I love this story. Fox—who rarely shares public photos of her children—did share pictures of herself posing seductively on a swing at the home she shares with fiancé Machine Gun Kelly. And one troll decided to come for her by asking, “Where your kids at?” and Fox replied: 

“Wait wait wait. I…have kids?!? Oh my god I knew I forgot something!! Quick, someone call the valet at the Beverly Hills hotel. That’s the last place I remember seeing them. Maybe someone turned them into lost and found.”

My Thought: and that’s how the clap back is done.

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I loathe Tom Brady, and today, if possible, I loathe him even more. Brady was a guest on the Let’s Go podcast and decided to talk—which is clearly not his strong suit, but neither is staying married—about how he has a tough time focusing on his family during football season. And he compared himself, a pampered self-entitled multi-millionaire athlete plays a game and then goes home to his mansion every night to … wait for it, it’s epic … to service members; Brady actually said leaving for “football season [is] like you’re going away on deployment for the military. And it’s like, ‘Man, here I go again.’”

My Thought: Brady should shut the fuck up, but since we know he won’t, why not donate, oh I dunno, all of his salary to members of the military who put their lives on the line and come home disfigured and battered and suffering PTSD just so he can throw a football and win a ring.

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Snarky Thoughts

As if California doesn’t have a full court docket already, between the one-percenters and their thirst for watering their massive lawns in a drought, and Erika Girardi being sued again and again by almost everyone, Dancing With The Stars dancer, Cheryl Burke thought it would be the perfect time to take her ex-husband, Matthew Lawrence, to court and sue over custody of their French Bulldog, Ysabella.

My Thought: One-percenters are dumb.

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Rumor has it That Woman spent nearly $1,000 on edibles and got so high with daughter Khloé Kardastrophe and boyfriend caregiver Corey Gamble that she began playing peek-a-boo behind her napkin.

My Thought: The headline said That Woman Gets Stoned and it was the wrong kind of stoning for me.

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The ongoing saga of Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen‘s crumbling marriage can now be solved: it’s over. After pleading with her ego-centric husband for years to quit football and stay home with the family, Brady agreed and retired, and then promptly unretired, and now Gisele has hired a divorce lawyer and Tom is pissy.

My Thought: Check your giant ego at the door and realize you have a wife and children who might like to see you.

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Since she took Katy Perry off her Hate List, Taylor Swift has a lot of free time on her hands so what’s a tacky, second-rate “singer” songwriter to do? Go back and reignite an old feud from 2013 with Kanye West, with a side of Kim Kardastrophe, and issue a diss record top clap back ten years.

My Thought: Taylor? Honey? You’re a grown ass woman, not a sophomore in high school, so please act like it and move on. IT’S BEEN ALMOST TEN YEARS!!!!

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The theme for the 2023 Met Gala has been announced—c’mon, you know you care—and it’s a doozy: Karl Lagerfeld: A Line of Beauty.

My Thought: I imagine Anna Wintour, since she has the power, will have Lagerfeld’s body exhumed and place him front and center and no one will notice since, even alive, he looked like a corpse.

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Sharon Osbourne, the former “The Talk” co-host who was, agrees with Kanye West about Black Lives Matter being a “scam” and said she gave “$900,000 to [BLM] and like my money back please.”

My Thought: For someone who was fired from “The Talk” for looking and sounding like a racist, Sharon hasn’t learned her lesson.

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Snarky Thoughts

50 Cent has stopped dogging Madonna for a moment, because his new target is a medical spa surgeon with whom he took a photograph that is now being used to advertise :::ahem:::: male enhancement procedures. The insinuation is that 50 Cent is maybe more like a Quarter and had a little work done, you know, down there. He insists :::foot stomp::: that he wasn’t a client but was just taking a picture with a fan, but the spa says that 50 received an undisclosed service and took the picture for promotional purposes in lieu of payment.

My Thought: 50 Cent couldn’t afford a Big Dick Surgery? I always thought he was a Big Dick.

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Last week Adam Levine, Maroon 5 squawker, and his wife Behati Prinsloo announced they were expecting their third child. But that news was overshadowed after Instagram model Sumner Stroh claims she had a year-long affair with Levine and then months after their affair ended Levine ALLEGEDLY DMed Sumner in June to ask that, if he and his wife had a boy, would she mind if he named the baby after her. Adam posted a denial/non-apology to his Instagram Story. He writes that he used “poor judgment” in flirting with Sumner but claims he never “crossed the line” with Sumner but he was “stupid” and “naïve.”

My Thought: Adam Levine is a mega-douche, who make not have crossed a line but I’m betting his penis did.

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As Tom Brady continues his never-ending quest to become the best quarterback the world has ever known his wife Gisele Bündchen has grown tired of waiting for him to come home to his family, and might be ready to retire as his Number One Fan and, according to sources, the two are seriously close to d-i-v-o-r-c-e.

My Thought: Tom probably doesn’t care because divorce doesn’t come with a ginormous ring and a trophy.

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Khloé Kardashian’s surrogate just gave birth to her second child with serial sperminator Tristan Thompson who also just had another baby with Maralee Nichols. And Khloé wants y’all to know that she would never “have a baby with someone who is having a baby with somebody else.” Except she did … she had her first child with Tristan whom she began dating at the same time he dumped one baby mama, and he then knocked Khloé up, and now he’s had a second child with Khloé and one with a new Baby Mama.

My Thought: There will be a Very Special Episode of Keeping Up with the Kardastrophes where Khloe explains how she had a baby with a man who was having a baby with another women … TWICE. She’s quite the example for her kids.

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And, to end on a happier note, it’s hard to believe it’s been ten years since we first saw The Hammaconda in Jon Hamm’s pants, but here we are, though now … NOW? … Hamm seems to want to dispel the myth yet again. While it has always been assumed that Jon likes to let it dangle, considering we’ve seen photographic proof of it, now Hamm is saying it ain’t so, that he has never gone out without underwear.

My Thought: If you can see that thing while he’s wearing underwear imagine what it’s like when it’s allowed to roam free!

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Bobservations

Since the pandemic began, the local band in which Carlos plays the trumpet has canceled all performances and rehearsals. But Carlos, for whom playing the trumpet is a kind of relaxation, has been practicing, still, every day. The other night, however, out of the blue, he asked if I minded him practicing, and I told him this was his house, and he could practice whenever he wanted.

“But I don’t want to disturb you.”

“You disturb me constantly, but you can do whatever you want in your house.”

“Our house.”

“Yes; our house; your house; my house. And I would never tell you that you can’t practice the trumpet even if it did bother me which it does not.”

Cut to a few nights later; I get home  about 7PM and he’s rehearsing. I head back to the office-rehearsal space and we chat for a moment. He continues to practice, and I began doing some things on the computer until he says:

“Do you mind if I play some more?”

“You can play whatever you like. If I can’t concentrate, I’ll leave the room.”

“Well, I’m trying to master this Haydn concerto.”

“Oh, that concerto.”

“You know it,”

“Yeah, it’s the one where when you start playin’, I start hidin’.”

I still got it.

Tuxedo, sadly, cannot vote, but he is growing ever more furious at the way this country works.

Tom Brady’s merchandise company, TB12 Inc., received nearly a million dollars from the Federal Paycheck Protection Program [PPP]—a $522B program designed to help small businesses cover things like rent and payroll. But with the GOP in charge, it was mostly larger companies that benefited while nearly half of all small businesses were denied PPP.

Now comes word that Brady, shortly after receiving his welfare check, bought himself a forty-foot yacht.

To be clear, it’s not illegal for Brady to accept PPP, and no one is suggesting that he used the money to buy a yacht, but it certainly looks terrible for a multi-millionaire accept a check for his business in a pandemic and then buy a luxury item.

The rich get richer …

The RNC has spent 300K purchasing Junior’s latest book. And, as criminals do, they’re trying to cover that expense up.

The payment—$303,892.47—didn’t go directly to Junior, but went to something called Pursuit Venture LLC., a company that was formed in late 2018 and lists Junior as its principal.

Grifters gonna grift, and the GOP is complicit.

PS No word if the GOP paid in cash or cocaine. ALLEGEDLY.

It looks like, while ______ refuses to accept he’s a loser, many in the White House are already plotting their exits and talking about the ‘toxic’ atmosphere.

So, yeah, cue the flood of books coming from those people, and cue me railing at anyone who buys one of those books written by people who stood by and let this murderer run rampant and did nothing.

Believe their stories, don’t buy their books, don’t put coins in their pockets.

I don’t know about y’all, but I loathe using the word ‘Xmas’ instead of Christmas. That’s all.

Steve Kornacki, MSNBC’s election wizard has landed his dream job: a slot on NBC’s signature NFL broadcast. Kornacki came out as gay in 2011, and his appearance proves that LGBTQ+ people belong everywhere in sports.

Now, let’s get a player to come out.

In other good gay news … California’s Supreme Court has its first openly gay justice with Martin Jenkins being sworn in by Governor Gavin Newsom. And more? Jenkins also is the third Black justice to serve on the court.

This is what America looks like.

Yes, a nice older man, a silver fox if you will. But he’s hot and sexy and smolders and he’s quite gay; and a bit of a renaissance man.

Eric Rutherford. He’s an actor, a model, an entrepreneur. He stopped modeling, for a while, in his early 30s, and became an event planner, a production assistant. He even worked for about five years with Oprah Winfrey, helping her open her girls’ school in South Africa.

I won’t hold that against him. I got other things in mind … and now he’s back modeling because hot, no matter the age, never goes out of style.