Saturday, February 25, 2017

It's Snarkurday!

Lisa Marie Presley has been married ... a lot; I mean, we all know about the Michael Jackson sham and the Nicholas Cage crazy, but there are others; and that means she’s been divorced ... a lot, too. But normally her divorces are quiet and quick, until this current one—I won’t say ‘last one’ because ... it’s Lisa Marie—from Michael Lockwood, her husband of ten years, is getting ugly.

Lisa Marie and Michael have twin 8-year-old girls who are now in the custody of the LA County Department of Children and Family Services after Lisa Marie told the authorities that she found disturbing things on Michael’s computer ... something along the lines of child porn, though no one is really saying.

Lisa Marie says the images and videos made her “sick to her stomach” and so she called the Beverly Hills Police Department; using a search warrant, they found the questionable images and videos, and also confiscated 80 ... eighty??? ... of Michael’s devices.

Now the divorce is not just irreconcilable differences, but about the ALLEGATIONS of “sexual abuse and neglect” against Michael Lockwood and, while he wants spousal support, she is claiming to be broke.

Yup, Lisa Marie is broker than broke. She’s already gone through her $300 million inheritance from Daddy Elvis, owes $7.3 million to the IRS, is $655,000 in debt, and is living with her daughter Riley Keough and her husband.  

And, she says, her brokeness is ALLEGEDLY Lockwood’s fault because, again, she says, he stole from her and failed to make the payments on her English manor house and so she owes another $5.4 million there.

But, to be fair, this is what constitutes broke in Lisa Marie’s life: she receives $100,000 a month from her father’s estate and another $4,361 monthly for being the creative director at Graceland. Over 100K a month is broke? That’s almost $3,500 a day. I should be so broke.

Now, I don’t know if Lisa Marie is broke—okay, I know she’s not Bob Broke, she’s Presley broke—and I don’t know if her husband is some kind of Subway Jared perv, but I do know that this is one fugly split.
Speaking of celebrity divorces, it now appears that after splitting up—perhaps because of Ben’s dalliance with the nanny—Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are finally, truly, really done being husband-and-wife.

Ben has moved out of the guest house and Jennifer is filing papers. I’m kinda glad because this marriage-is-over-but-he’s-living-in-the-guest-house-and-we-take-vacations-together mess has gone on too long.
Poor Little Justin Bieber ... back in May 2016, an indie artist named Casey Dienel accused Justin and Skrillex of stealing a sample from her song Ring The Bell and using it without permission. So now she’s suing, but getting Justin to talk may be hard.

Bieber was scheduled to give a deposition last week, but didn’t even show up. He called in sick ... well, the nanny called in sick ... he couldn’t talk with the rectal thermometer in his mouth.

But Casey Dienel’s lawyers think he’s #FakeNews and say they have proof via several YouTube videos showing him partying with his friends in the early morning hours before his scheduled deposition... damn you, YouTube ... and then hours after calling in sick, Bieber, posted more pictures to Instagram of him drinking with his friends.

To be fair, no one ever said he was smart.

Casey’s lawyers are pissed, because they flew from Nashville to LA for the deposition, so now they want Bieber to give his make-up deposition in March in Nashville.

I imagine his excuse for missing that deposition is that he got locked inside the overhead compartment on the plane.
Katherine Heigl had it made; she was the It Girl on Grey’s Anatomy back in the day, but then her head got too big and she ran from that show to make movies. A few were successful, but then even her films were bust so she went trotting back to TV. Her first foray of shame was in something called State of Affairs, which was cancelled about halfway through the first hour it was on.

So, don’t blink, because Heigl is back in a new show called Doubt and there is no doubt that it will die a quick death.

But this story is about her promoting Doubt on The Late Late Show with James Corden, and Corden saying he’d heard—or had been told, by Heigl—that John Mayer had something to do with her finding her husband and falling in love and blahblahblah.

See, about a month after Heigl and Josh Kelley started dating, she says that she didn’t know if he was serious, and so she started “hanging out”—banging—John Mayer; she swears they never “did it” but says she just used John  to make Josh jealous:
“[John] wasn’t interested in me in that way, but he would talk to me about like other hot girls and stuff. It was friends! But Josh didn’t know that. But Josh, to this day, doesn’t quite believe me ... But I did use it a little bit to put a fire under him. It was like, ‘Hey, if this isn’t exclusive and you’re dating other people, that’s fine, but I’m going to continuing seeing John.'”
Seriously, Josh was jealous of John Mayer? I mean, Mayer has banged garbage cans in LA and if Heigl thinks that’s an endearing quality to make Josh jealous then the two of them, the three of them, are crazy.

Or maybe Josh Kelley knew they were banging and sacrificed himself to save the world from a Heigl-Mayer spawn.
Two years after Nicole Kidman escaped the cult of Scientology Tom Cruise, there were rumors she was dating Lenny Kravitz I remember hearing that and thinking, “Lucky bitch,” but neither Nicole nor Lenny ever confirmed it ... until now.

Nicole is starring in a new HBO series Big Little Lies and one of her co-stars is, small world, Lenny’s daughter Zoë Kravitz, and when Nicole was interviewed about the show and the other actresses and how they all knew each other, she said this:
“Well, I knew Zoë because I was engaged to her father. It’s all in the family! I love Lenny; he’s a great guy.”
Back in 2007, Nicole admitted she had been engaged to someone before marrying Keith Urban in 2006, but she wouldn’t say to whom ... and now we know.

Seriously, it looks like some celebrities don’t have to share their every moment with the media ... though this romance was back in the days before everyone had a smart phone and an Instagram account.

And again, I’ve seen the video of Lenny onstage and he splits his pants down the middle and so, again, “Lucky bitch.”

Even if it was a short engagement.
Sometimes it’s best when athletes don’t speak; I mean, make your coins from your athletic prowess, but don’t talk, at all.

Case in point, Cleveland Cavalier Kyrie Irving who has just come out ... no, not that way ... to say that the earth is flat.  Oh, but he did; he said it on the Road Trippin’ with RJ & Channing podcast:
“This is not even a conspiracy theory. The Earth is flat. The Earth is flat. … It’s right in front of our faces. I’m telling you, it’s right in front of our faces. They lie to us.”
He says science is just opinion and that sometimes—shades of Hair Furor—they lie, because he did learn that the earth was round but found that to be a lie?

What the what? It got to be such a story in the NBA that even LeBron James weighed in, saying “if he decides he wants to say the Earth is flat, so be it. He’s an interesting guy, and he believes it.” 

What the ... ? LeBron? You need to sit down and rethink that statement because what you should have said was something along the lines of, “How cute, but the earth isn’t flat and science isn’t just some guy’s opinion.

And Irving? Child, you need to stop talking and get back to class.
Harrison Ford is one of those movie stars who like to fly planes and for a while he was good at it. Then he flew one into the ground and seriously injured himself, and last week he ALLEGEDLY landed his plane on a taxiway instead of a runway at the John Wayne Airport in Santa Ana, California and nearly missed hitting another plane carrying 110 passengers.

And now his newest role is playing the subject of an FAA investigation because, as he was coming in for a landing on the wrong runway, he asked the tower:
Was that airliner meant to be underneath me?”
And that answer would be, “No, fool! You aren’t supposed to be over that airliner!”

And, not only that, Ford also ALLEGEDLY misidentified what kind of plane he was piloting and was ALLEGEDLY broadcasting to the wrong tower!

I’m thinking Hans should no longer fly Solo.

See what I did there ... ah, who cares!
Disney is doing live-action remakes of pretty much all their cartoons because M-I-C ... see ya real soon ... K-E-Y ... why, because we need the coins.

And now comes word that Disney will be doing a live version of The Little Mermaid and, color me crazy, but Lindsay Lohan wants to be the mermaid.

On her Instagram page, Lohan actually put a photo of herself alongside a picture of cartoon Ariel, and then announced that she wants Bill Condon to direct, and her sister, Ali, to do a song for the film, and that Kat Graham should play Ursula.

Sadly, were this version of The Little Mermaid be made, it would end up with Ariel in prison for killing someone in an undersea bar fight.

Seriously, Lindsay? Sit down before you fall down.
Remember how broke Tori Spelling is? I mean, the IRS is after her, as are most credit card companies because Tori and her husband Dean McDermott don’t pay their bills.

And so what better way to try and get out of debt than to become pregnant with your fifth child and then ask your Mommy, Candy Spelling, to throw you a lavish baby shower. Nothing says I can’t pay my bills than a $40,000 party for a fetus.

Money that could have been used to pay off a credit card or, oh, I don’t know, maybe pay off Dean’s ex-wife, Mary Jo Eustace, the one he left after he started schtupping the married to someone else, Tori.

See, Dean owes Mary Jo thousands of dollars in back child support for their 18-year-old son Jack, and after seeing Tori’s Instagram of the FetusFest, Mary Jo is expected to rake Dean’s ass over the coals next month in court.

But, hey, back child support, or a party for your fifth child?

Asked and answered.
So, Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black became the Cute-Hot-New-Gay couple when they hooked up a few years ago, but maybe the newly out Tom should’a waited awhile before settling down, because, ALLEGEDLY, he’s kind of a photo-sharing, model-banging player.

See, Tom ALLEGEDLY sent a soft-core—it wasn’t hard, if you get my drift—porn video to a fan on Snapchat while, he claims, that he and Dustin were Ross-and-Rachel’ing it, i.e. they were on a break.

But he also had a bit of thing, and a couple of more things, with a model named Edward William whom he met on a London street. They started “hanging out” a year after Tom and Dustin became an item, and Edward has ALLEGEDLY “hung out” with both men several times.

But then Edward and Tom became “f**k buddies” whenever Dustin left town and for a year-and-a-half Ed was Tom’s booty call. Now, to be fair, some folks say Tom and Dustin have an open relationship so maybe Dustin knew?

But if he knew, and he saw that guy, wouldn’t he have gone off? I mean, I would ...

Edward and Tom stopped doing each other in 2015 when Tom got engaged to Dustin and Edward found a boyfriend who was less trick and more full-time.

Happy endings all around, or so it appears.

Friday, February 24, 2017

What The World Needs Now ....

Just a little something happy for the weekend ...

In a new Love Has No Labels campaign, the AD Council and the NFL teamed up to create the perfect PSA for Valentine’s Day.

The footage was taken at the Pro Bowl in Orlando, and the PSA turned the Kiss Cam into an opportunity to highlight love’s different forms over the traditional Kiss Cam.

I’ve seen it several times and it still makes me smile and get a little teary ...

I Didn't Say It ...

Pete Buttigieg, openly gay mayor of South Bend Indiana and a candidate for DNC chair, on _____’s anti-trans move:

“What kind of a bully looks for the most vulnerable person they can find to attack? If you are a transgender teenager, high school is a complicated and intimidating—well, when you are any teenager, high school is a complicated and intimidating place … If your own leaders can’t tell the difference between you and a predator, if that’s what we are telling teenagers who they are, we shouldn’t be surprised that we are pushing them toward having mental health issues.”

Buttigieg takes no prisoners where _____ is concerned and we need someone like him leading the charge for the Democrats.
He ain’t playin’, y’all.
John McCain, Arizona GOP Senator, on _____’s Tweet that the media is the “enemy of the American people”:

“A fundamental part of that new world order was a free press. I HATE the press. I hate you, especially. But the fact is, we NEED you. We need a free press. We must have it. It’s vital. If you want to preserve democracy as we know it you have to have a free and at many times adversarial press. Without it I’m afraid that we would lose so much of our individual liberties over time. That’s how dictators get started.”

McCain is still that grumpy old man who’s pissed that he didn’t get his shot at the White House, but he’s right about that dictatorship _____ is aiming to set up.
The only #FakeNews comes from the lips of 45.
Larry Wilmore, comedian, to now-disgraced alt-right figurehead Milo Yiannopoulos after he called a decorated counterterrorism official “stupid”:

“Hold on, hold on, you can go f**k yourself. If your argument is that these people are stupid [then] you didn’t hear a word this man said earlier in this segment because he can talk circles around your pathetic, douchey little ass. ... And one last thing, Leslie Jones is not ‘barely literate.’ Go f**k yourself again for that one.”

And then Milo kinda did.
Karma is a bitch, and I think, for today, I love her.
Chris Wallace, Fox News, to White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus about that _____ media Tweet:

“We don’t have a state-run media in this country. That’s what they have in dictatorships. You don’t get to tell us what to do any more than Barack Obama did. Barack Obama whined about Fox News all the time, but I gotta say, he never said we were an enemy of the people.”

That’s because Obama wasn't a tiny-fisted tyrant with a giant ego.
I miss him. I miss the days of treating people with equality and dignity and not slamming and name-calling anyone who disagrees with you.
I miss the days of being proud of the President of the United States and I cannot wait for those days to return.
Danny Watts, British pro racing driver, coming out as gay:

“I would need to live in the closet if I wanted my motorsport career to go anywhere [because] there were enough gay jokes and homophobic slurs to go around, and I felt like if I lifted my head out of the trenches, I’d be immediately annihilated. Staying hidden was nothing but torture and pain. [So] it’s not a decision I took lightly. This secret has been eating me up inside for a while, and I can’t hold it in any more. Something snapped in me last year, and I began coming out to my friends. Now it’s time for the public to know. Now that I don’t have to think about keeping my team and sponsors happy, I can do what’s right for me.”

As I’ve been told by my parents my whole life, all you really get is happiness, and you have to do what it takes to make that happen.
Good on Danny Watts, the latest recipient of the Obligatory Coming Out Toaster Oven and copy of The Gay Agenda.
Welcome out.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Random Musings

Milo Yiannopoulos was an internet troll who made a name for himself attacking actress Leslie Jones so unmercifully on Twitter that Twitter banned him. He parlayed that into being one of those talking heads—albeit a flamboyantly gay conservative alt-right Breitbart white supremacist _____-supporting talking head—who would say things just to get attention until one day he went too far and seemed to condone pedophilia—joking that he learned to give good head thanks to Father Joe, or somebody. Now Milo is out of a job and off our TVs and hopefully will go back to being an internet troll without a Twitter account.

Sinking like a stone, _____’s poll numbers are.

This week voters gave President-For-Now _____ his lowest approval rating since he took office ... now 53% of voters disapprove of him.

Of course, where were they on Election Day might be a good question.

A majority of respondents said _____ is not honest ]55%] doesn’t have good leadership skills [55%] or care about everyday Americans [53%], isn’t level-headed [63%], doesn’t share their values [60%] and is doing more to divide the country than unite it [58%].

Don’t be fooled when he calls these polls wrong; they aren’t. Keep up the resistance.
Remember when folks said marriage equality was a sign of the End of Days?

Yeah, not so much. As a matter of fact it appears now that it was a sign of a decrease in LGBTQ youth suicide.

Research has found that suicide attempts by high school students decreased by 7% in states that had passed marriage equality, before the Supreme Court legalized it nationwide in 2015. But, among LGBTQ students the decrease in suicides was 14% in those same states.

I guess when young people can see a future for themselves they tend to want to reach that future.

Marriage equality is good.
The New Mexico Senate has approved a gay conversion therapy ban by a vote of 32-6.

Several republicans, all of whom voted ‘No,’ questioned whether it would target religious teachings, but Democratic Senator Jacob Candelaria, the sponsor of the bill and the first openly gay man to be elected to New Mexico’s senate, said it would merely make it illegal to be paid for providing conversion therapy to someone under 18 years old.

Score a win for our side.
Carlos and I have a very cute dentist ... that's not him, though, yum ... and we always joke with one another about Dr. Will and how gentle he is.

Well, last week I had a scheduled cleaning and after the hygienist was through, Dr. Will came in and checked my teeth and chatted for a bit. Then he grabbed my tongue and gave me an oral cancer exam, by sight, which came up all good. But that was the first time I’d had that done and so when I told Carlos about it later he said Dr. Will had done that to him as well.

But, I said, did he have to put his hands down my pants?

Wishful thinking, perhaps.
Grey’s Anatomy actress Sara Ramirez, who has been on the show 10 years, now says she’s through with ABC after a joke on The Real O’Neals aimed at bisexual people.

The joke? Noah Galvin’s character Kenny utters the line, “Oh, God. Here we go. Webbed toes? Money problems? Or worse… bisexual?!”

Ramirez, who is bisexual, Tweeted:
“WORDS MATTER.PLEASE SIGN this petition 2 @ABCNetwork protesting biphobia in @TheRealONeals  … And as someone who worked 4 them 4 10 years+,am truly disheartened &  disappointed quite frankly. I will invest my brand where I’m respected.”
I dunno; sometimes a joke is a joke is a joke, but to throw away your career might be a bit too much. Perhaps, rather than suggesting she’ll leave ABC because of the joke, maybe she should demand less biphobic humor?

Just sayin’.
We had a free HBO weekend last weekend, so I DVRd some movies we hadn’t seen yet, as well as ten episodes of The Young Pope that Carlos was interested in seeing. But there was another new HBO show, a limited series, called Big Little Lies starring Reese Witherspoon, Shailene Woodley and my BFF Nicki Kidman. So I DVRd the first episode and it was good but...

The men ... clockwise from top left ... Alexander Skarsgård, David Monahan, James Tupper and Larry Sullivan.

Now I have to wait a few more months for another free weekend to get a look at these hunks.

This is my new motto. Motto? What’s a motto? I don’t know ... what’s a motto with you?

Sorry, I love a little Lion King humor as much as I love my new motto.

Remember when Tennessee Republican asshats Mae Beavers and Mark Pody filed a new bill to outlaw same-sex marriage in the state?

Well, this past week, the two buffoons were booed out of a Tennessee press conference, speaking for just two minutes before being confronted by the angry audience.

And Pody, especially, was unnerved to be confronted by a real live homosexual and apparently clutched his pearls before running out.

In fact, both lawmakers were chased down the hall by those demonstrators.

The resistance continues.
And good news here in South Carolina where state House of Representatives members Todd Rutherford, Gilda Cobb-Hunter and James Smith co-sponsored and filed the Uniform Antidiscrimination Act, a bill that, if passed, would make it illegal to discriminate against individuals based on gender identity or sexual orientation for the following reasons: 
Employment law
Real estate and rental law
Home health agencies law
Public accommodation law involving the enjoyment of goods, services, facilities, privileges, advantages, and accommodations of any place of public accommodation.
The march goes on ... and ... a U.S. District Court in South Carolina ruled that the state violates the Constitution by denying accurate birth certificates for children of married same-sex couples. As stated in the ruling:  
“The Court declares Defendant’s failure to treat same-sex spouses in the same manner she treats opposite-sex spouses in the issuance of birth certificates violates Plaintiffs’ rights under the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution.  More specifically, this Court refuses to countenance Defendant’s refusal to name both Plaintiffs on their twins’ birth certificates.  Defendant’s present practice is violative of Plaintiffs’ fundamental right to marriage and other protected liberties.”
An inaccurate birth certificate causes real trouble in a family’s day-to-day life—everything from a parent not being able to enroll a child in school to not being able to authorize basic medical care, but that discrimination is now coming to an end in South Carolina.

We are coming into the 21st century, y’all, bit by bit.
The Australian Christian Lobby [ACL], an anti-LGBT group in that country, was forced to hire three security officers to stand guard at a Baptist church in East Melbourne after an online ACL campaign was sabotaged when 54,000 fake attendees registered as attendees using fake name, obscene names and insulting language.

The hate campaign was organized by LGBTI activist Simon Hunt who, using his alter-ego ‘Pauline Pantsdown’ encouraged his nearly 23,000 fans to spam ACL’s RSVP page with fake registrations and “be creative with your name” ...  Anita Feltersnatch, Harry Balzac, and the eternal Mike Hunt.

The other names were, apparently, too obscene to be reprinted. Damn.
One city in California has had enough of _____. This week, Richmond, California officially became the first city in America to support impeachment hearings for Trump.

The City Council did acknowledge how unusual it was to support a president’s impeachment after less than 100 days in office, but despite this, the vote was unanimously in favor of impeachment.

The justification the council used to call for impeachment was Hair Furor’s business dealings, because many believe _____’s continued business interests put him in violation of the Constitution.

The Richmond City Council hopes this move will inspire other towns and cities to do the same and have begun a grassroots movement against _____.