Wednesday, November 14, 2018
Tuesday, November 13, 2018
Monday, November 12, 2018
Sunday, November 11, 2018
Gary Varvel, John Cole, Steve Breen, JD Crowe, Adam Zyglis, Jim Morin, Darrin Bell, Mike Luckovich, Dwane Powell, Joe Heller, Chris Britt
I thought when _____nominated Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III as Confederate Monument Attorney General, that was a low point, but I should have known that Fat Bastard could sink even lower into the swamp.
Yes, Matthew Whitaker, you boot-licking, ass-kissing, goose-stepping Deplorable, I’m looking at you.
Whitaker doesn’t like the Mueller investigation; he thinks it’s a rigged witch hunt—wonder where he got that phrase—and says he would never end it, he’d just cut the funding, so it would go away.
Luckily, the Democrats are in charge of the house and can fight him, and his master, on that, but … then there’s this:
In 2014, not so very long ago, Matthew Whitaker said that judges who do not have a New Testament “biblical view of justice,” should not serve on the federal bench and suggested that he would block the appointment of non-Christian judges if given the chance.
Yes, indeed, no Separation of Church and State for Matthew Whitaker; he also said atheists would be unfit to serve, as would …Holy Anti-Semite, Anti-Muslim Batman … Jewish and Muslim Americans.
“We believe God has three institutions: It would be the church, the family, and government.”
The Republican nominees were then asked a series of questions about their religious values, including their views on federal judgeships. Whittaker's two competitors, Sam Clovis and Joni Ernst, said they would use faith-based criteria and make sure they acknowledged “natural law”—the belief that legal rights and morals were given to humans by God and were not derived from the rules of society.
But Whitaker, far more rightwingnut and dangerous, went further, saying that using natural law as a criterion for appointing federal judgeships did not go far enough:
“As someone that’s interacted with the federal judiciary a time or two, I will tell you that I have a unique perspective on federal judges. And while I agree that I want to understand their judicial philosophy and whether they understand natural law and natural rights and then the founding documents and how they fit together...I don’t think that gets us far enough because natural law oftentimes is used from the eye of the beholder," he continued. "What I’d like to see is things like their worldview … Are they people of faith? Do they have a biblical view of justice? I think that is very important.”
The moderator interrupted, asking:
“Levitical or New Testament?”
That’s a sly way of asking whether people of the Jewish faith should be banned from serving as federal judges.
“I’m a New Testament, and what I know is as long as they have that [New Testament] worldview that they’ll be a good judge.”
Whitaker, for now, is not talking about his hate-based philosophy, but I’m sure one day soon he’ll have to answer for it, and I cannot wait to see him try and squirm his way out of this when some of the Jewish-Americans, or Muslim-Americans or Atheists in Congress start asking question.
First off, thanks to all of you for your kind words and good wishes—not thoughts and prayers, thankfully—for my brother and sister-in-law who lost their house in the Paradise fire. On a Sidenote to that story, after my brother and his wife were reunited—she evacuated before he did—they went out to grab a bite to eat, and, in a freak accident, my brother fell and broke his hip and was rushed into surgery to have a pin put in his hip and leg.
Seriously; I told them enough was enough. And he's doing fine, and they are doing well, and really, for all they've been through, have a positive attitude.
But this isn’t about them—they need a break—this is about that pile of excrement sitting in the White House and how he, as the so-called leader of our country responded to the devastating fires in California.
While he flew to Paris to pay homage to our war dead—and skipped that event because it was raining and that dead muskrat on his head looks worse when wet—he chose, instead of offering solace, or even federal aid, to actually threaten the state of California as it deals with deadly wildfires by Tweeting:
“There is no reason for these massive, deadly and costly forest fires in California except that forest management is so poor. Billions of dollars are given each year, with so many lives lost, all because of gross mismanagement of the forests. Remedy now, or no more Fed payments!”
To be fair, somewhat, the Fat Bastard approved an emergency declaration for the state last Friday, and yet at the same time warned the state that he may not do the same in the future.
California Governor Jerry Brown fired back, calling _____ "inane and uninformed"—putting it mildly:
“Our focus is on the Californians impacted by these fires and the first responders and firefighters working around the clock to save lives and property — not on the president’s inane and uninformed tweets.”
At least 25 people died in those fires, with many others homeless, businesses lost; the entire town of Paradise, where my brother lived, is virtually wiped off the map, but that pile of … _____ plays a blame game and threatens to withhold aid.
Naturally, fire officials have labeled _____’s statements, and remedies, were incorrect, though, truthfully, they’re lies from an uniformed jackass.
California Professional Firefighters President Brian K. Rice:
"The president’s assertion that California’s forest management policies are to blame for catastrophic wildfire is dangerously wrong. Wildfires are sparked and spread not only in forested areas but in populated areas and open fields fueled by parched vegetation, high winds, low humidity and geography. Moreover, nearly 60 percent of California forests are under federal management, and another two-thirds under private control. It is the federal government that has chosen to divert resources away from forest management, not California."
Yes, it was under this president, this ill-informed, unqualified, unhinged, narcissistic, racist fuck monkey that money that could have been spent to maintain forest, to protect them from fires, was taken away, so it clearly isn’t California, it’s ____. He’s pissed because he didn’t win California in the election and so he’ll punish the entire state.
Still, to be fair, again, on Saturday, sitting in a Paris hotel, afraid to go out in the rain, _____ changed course and Tweeted support for the firefighters, the homeowners and the victims:
“More than 4,000 are fighting the Camp and Woolsey Fires in California that have burned over 170,000 acres. Our hearts are with those fighting the fires, the 52,000 who have evacuated, and the families of the 11 who have died. The destruction is catastrophic. God Bless them all.”
And then, after having his snack of Bic Macs and pommes frites and having Melanie change his diaper, the Fat Bastard Tweeted about mismanagement again:
"With proper Forest Management, we can stop the devastation constantly going on in California. Get Smart!"
Get smart, from the biggest dumbass on the planet. As my father said, ever so eloquently, when he read of _____’s idiotic statement:
“He can fuck off.”
And now you know where I get that from.
Someone needs to have her license revoked …
Down there in Florida, realtor Susan Lamerton decorated her house for Halloween as some folks are apt to do. But Susan Lamerton is kind of an idiot, or a racist, or a ____ supporter or all three, because she decorated her home in the ever-popular Nazi theme … featuring skeletons saluting Hitler with concentration camp identification numbers on their arms and a Star of David on their chests.
Anti-Semite say what?
The display also featured a sign that read, “Arbeit Macht Frei,” which translates in German to mean, “Work sets you free.” That slogan was on display at the entrance of Auschwitz, other Nazi concentration camps, and Susan Lamerton’s home.
Lamerton … get this … claims to be Jewish and claims her hate-filled, vile display is the result of a fight she’s having with her homeowner’s association. She says she’s been battling them for months over landscaping and so she had no choice but to go Nazi and Hitler loving on them.
America under _____; people decorating their homes to celebrate Nazis the very week that people who shot to death at a synagogue in Pittsburgh.
Last week’s election should be the start of ending this kind of hate. If Susan Lamerton thinks the way to fight her homeowner’s association is the celebrate Nazis when anti-Semitic crime is on the rise in this country, she needs to be schooled … and then fired.
If y’all just take a minute and send some positive thoughts to my brother, David, and his wife, Debbie, in California. They have lost their house and everything in it to the Paradise fire.
They are both okay, as are their pets, but now it’s a matter of rebuilding …
Send good thoughts their way … thanks.
We all know Alec Baldwin has a short fuse and that one day he’d be arrested for his temper, but who knew it would involve a parking space?
Yup, Alec Baldwin ALLEGEDLY punched someone while fighting over a New York City parking spot. Now, to be fair, parking your car in a Manhattan garage can cost a literal arm and a leg, but surely Baldwin has those kinds of coins, so why is he dueling it out for a sweet street spot?
Well, it’s because he claims he had a friend hold the spot for him—was he lying down in it—until some man managed to slip in without running over the Baldwin friend. And that’s when Alec went all … Alec … screaming “Fuck off!” and becoming more and more enraged until he punched the unnamed guy in the jaw.
This isn’t the first time Alec has been arrested, but it’s more fun than the previous time when he was collared for riding a bicycle on the wrong side of the road and not having his ID on him.
Now he’s punching out strangers because they pulled a swift one on his Parking Dog.
Lindsay Lohan apparently still thinks she’s a big star … because one of her representatives—and that may be just the guy on the nearest bar stool—went begging for deals on a Facebook group for publicists and marketers asking that interested parties should “reach out if you rep a brand that is interested in endorsement opportunities with Lindsay.”
The rep then suggested that “acceptable brands include: fashion, beauty, car, lifestyle, CPG, fitness/lifestyle, food/drinks, entertainment/media, tech. Must have a substantial budget.”
He got three responses.
I get more than that for a picture of Tuxedo on my Timeline.
Kim Kardastrophe, who once famously claimed, on social media, that she would dial back her social media activity, is now using … wait for it … social media, to explain why she’s an idiot.
Kim, and her BFF … not her husband … Jonathan Cheban, went to Kendall’s Halloween party dressed as Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee at the 1999 MTV VMAs because …? There is no answer.
And naturally Kardastrophe spent most of the evening filming herself and then posting it to Instagram asking people to guess her costume. And it turned out most people couldn’t figure it out … remember, she went as a has-been actress from 1999 … when most of her “fans” were still in utero, she got a little testy.
So, testy in fact, that she said, of one of the people who doesn’t know, or give a flying eff, about Pamela Anderson, “retarded.”
Yes. She did. And quicker than you can say Gimme more hits on social media she was back on social media apologizing for using the ‘R’ word:
“I want to apologize for what I said in a recent video post that is inappropriate and insensitive to the special needs community. I try to learn from my mistakes and this is one of those times. Please know that my intention is always pure, and in this case, it was a mistake. I’m sorry.”
You’d think being married to a lunatic would make her be more careful when choosing her words, but, you know, she’s an idiot.
I do love some Emma Thompson …
She was recently appointed a Dame and Prince William awarded her the honor, with Thompson posting to social media:
“I love Prince William. I’ve known him since he was little, and we just sniggered at each other. I said, ‘I can’t kiss you, can I?’ And he said, ‘No, don’t!’”
I guess we’re all lucky it wasn’t Harry who proclaimed her a Dame; who knows what she might have asked to do with Hot Prince Ginger.
I have some ideas … but only for when Harry makes me a Dame!
Back to the Kardastrophe that is Kim.
Remember when she became famous for doing a porn film with her then-boyfriend Ray J?
Well, now her co-star in that epic film is ALLEGEDLY talking, and not talking, about their sexy times together.
Ray J claims Kimmy would stop, mid-f**k, to reapply her make-up or to take a phone call from That Woman … who was probably directing the sex from a closed-circuit TV somewhere.
Naturally, retired porn star Kim Kardastrophe took to Twitter to call Ray J a pathological liar.
Bitch, look in a mirror. But maybe Ray J got a’scurred of That Woman’s evil powers because now he’s walking back his original story with a much longer, more boring version:
“I felt like I needed to come online and shut down all of these false rumors that are going on about me and what I said about somebody I’ve been with in the past… Let me make this one thing clear: I’m in a great place in my life. I’m happy. I love my wife. I’ve got a beautiful new baby girl, her name is Melody Love Norwood and I’ve been trying to be the best parent I can be. I would never say these things after watching my wife go through labor for 28 hours, okay? This is disgusting. The person I am now is not who I was in the past. And I need y’all to give me a chance to grow and to love and to respect the people I’m with without trying to slander my name, please. God is working, and obviously the devil is trying to work, too, but it will not happen. I will not let that happen, y’all… I love my wife and I have nothing but respect for everybody out there, past and present. False rumors.”
That’s a whole lotta nothing, and, you know, who doesn’t believe Kim would postpone the sex to fix her face, even her old one, or call her mama, or post a selfie?
Sometimes, no matter how good you think you look, you shouldn’t be brag about your beauty costs.
Real Housewife of New Jersey, and ex-con, Teresa Giudice announced that she spends $22,077 a month on her beauty routine.
That’s a lot of pancake to spatula on and spray tanning via firehose. And when you consider all the money she is going to have to fork over for an immigration attorney in the coming months to keep her husband Joe from being deported after he gets out of the Big House, maybe Giudice ought to stick with budget Maybelline and Dollar Store Botox.
Last spring, Judith Nathan Giuliani filed for divorce from Rudy Giuliani, claiming he was both a liar and a cheat …and not to mention a literal member of the rat family. But now Judy is adding more to her list of complaints about Rudy; she says he’s overspending their money and that he’s a fool.
That last one is a given.
Recent court documents accuse Rudy of spending $900,000 since their divorce filing, with a buttload going for his new mistress, cigars and … pens.
Pens? Pens. Yes, Rudy spent about $12,000 on cigars since he asked his wife to divorce him so he could marry his next mistress, and also bought $7,100 worth of pens. He’s also accused of spending $286,532 on his ALLEGED mistress, the still very married, Maria Rosa Ryan and $447,938 “for his own enjoyment”—wouldn’t that also be Maria?—as well as $165,165 “for travel expenses”.
And best of all, while Rudy is buying someone else’s wife and cigars and Bics, he is also claiming he cannot pay the third future ex-Mrs. Giuliani any support because he is “dealing with a diminished income” since he quit his law practice to go work for Donald Trump “for free”.
Free. That’s rich. The only thing Giuliani does for free is his mistresses ... until he leaves his wife, and then he starts paying.
_____, having a meltdown at his press conference about the midterms after CNN’s Jim Acosta asked about his racist fearmongering ad about the caravan:
“That’s enough. That’s enough … Put down the mic …I ’ll tell you what. CNN should be ashamed of itself having you working for them. You are a rude, terrible person. You shouldn’t be working for CNN. You’re a very rude person. The way you treat Sarah Huckabee is horrible. And the way you treat other people are horrible. You shouldn’t treat people that way.”
Pot.Kettle.STFU. You clinking clanking clacking collection of caliginous junk.
Jason Blum, producer of Get Out, being removed from L.A.’s Israel Film Festival stage after criticizing _____:
“The great thing about this country is that you can like _____, but I don’t have to, and I can say what I feel about it — and I don’t like it! As you can see from this auditorium, it’s the end of civil discourse. We have a president who calls the press the enemy of the people. Thanks to our president, anti-Semitism is on the rise.”
He’s absolutely right. Just look at _____’s presser this week and his pissy little boy meltdown.
Chuck Schumer, calling _____ “delusional” for claiming victory in the midterms:
“When the president says what happened in the Senate more than undoes the losses they suffered across the board elsewhere, he’s delusional. If we had told you a year ago we were only going to lose two or three seats, people would have said forget it, what are you smoking?”
How you can call it a victory when you went form controlling both Houses of Congress to just controlling one is delusional!
Seth Meyers, on the Blue Ripple and Kim Davis:
“If you’ve been in the desert for two years, a little splash of water feels like a damn tsunami. [But] the Senate is on a different planet. That’s why Ted Cruz looked like he burst out of someone’s chest. [And] in a huge victory, Kim Davis … lost her reelection bid. And fun fact. Her opponent was a gay wedding cake!”
It may have been a Blue Ripple, but ripples have a long-lasting effect.
Tass Rushan, a FIFA European Champion pro gamer, on being banned from competing after calling an opponent a “fag”:
“It’s a very unfortunate, unintentional misunderstanding from my end. Due to where I’ve been brought up, the connotation of that word from my perspective until now, it was just another word for prick or idiot. Not even one per cent of me knew it had any type of derogatory connotation towards homosexuality at all. First of all, if I knew it did, there is no way I’m saying anything like that. I would never say anything like that, trust me. I think some of you guys could back me up on this. Who’s from London? Did you know that word had that connotation?”
Nice try homophobe, but in 2018 anyone who says they don’t know that fag is a derogatory term is full of the shiz.
John Legend, on trying to talk sense into Kanye—Good luck with that—after Yeezy boarded the _____ train:
“I understand what Kanye sees in _____ and I think it’s a reaction to his personality and his marketing panache and don’t-give-a-fuckness. But my point to him was that when you wear that hat, when you appear to be endorsing him, you’re endorsing his policies as well, all of his rhetoric and not just the parts you like. I think we had to talk about it, because we didn’t want people to be deceived into following his line of thought without considering the full ramifications.”
Gosh John, you might have used a few less polysyllabic words so Kanye could understand he’s an idiot endorsing an idiot.
Pamela Anderson, who says she was molested and victimized as a child, now says the #MeToo movement is trash:
“I think this feminism can go too far. I’m a feminist, but I think that this third wave of feminism is a bore. I think it paralyzes men, I think this #MeToo movement is a bit too much for me. I’m sorry, I’ll probably get killed for saying that.”
You’ll just probably get taken to task for trying to explain away other women’s stories of sexual assault as a ‘bore.’
Look, Pammy, your fifteen minutes is up, so why don’t you just sit quietly until we call for you again.
Oh, and we won’t be calling.
Debra Messing, Will & Grace, blasting NBC for airing that racist _____ ad:
“To Will& Grace fans—I want you to know that I am ashamed that my network aired this disgusting racist ad. It is the antithesis of everything I personally believe in, and what, I believe, our show is all about.”
It was a disgusting ad, so much so that even Fox refused to air it. And after Messing’s comment, NBC decided to stop running it, too.
Zach Wahls, gained notoriety back in 2011 when he gave an emotional speech about his two moms, on winning his race for Iowa Senate District 37:
“I hope tonight marks a fresh start for Iowa. We must all come together to bring real reform to our health care system, restore a tradition of excellence to our public education system, and raise incomes for Iowa’s working families. It’s time to start thinking about the future of our state again, which is why I’m so proud of and thankful for all the young people in high school and college who propelled our campaign across the finish line.”
Sadly, Iowa also reelected racist Steve King, but maybe with Zach Wahls around they’ll get the picture that hate is not what’s best of Iowa, or anyone.