Saturday, October 10, 2015

It's Snarkurday!

Look, let’s get real. We’re all living in fear of crossing paths with Anna Wintour. I still have the stiletto scars on may face from the time she cut in front of at the Piggly Wiggly Express Check-out and she had more than ten items in her buggy — we calls ‘em buggy’s down here in the Deep South, y’all. But there is one man who takes no crap from Wintour and still lives to tell the tale: Tim “Motherf**king” Gunn.

Tim once told us of an event he attended where he watched Anna Wintour’s bodyguards make a fireman’s lock so they could carry her down the stairs and into her car because Anna don’t walk like, or around, regular folks. And Tim doesn’t care that he pissed her off by telling that story because, well, he’s at it again …

He was recently on Meredith Vieira’s show and told Meredith that after he wrote about Anna And The Stairs, her office called his office and demanded that he take it back. And he said, um, ‘No.’ He said he wasn’t trying to be bitchy — and that he knew it was just about getting her Royal High Ass out the building fast — but he wasn’t gonna pretend it didn’t happen:
“I said it wasn’t a matter of not being able to go down the stairs to descend, it was a matter of speed. She had two bodyguards, who made a firemen’s lock, she sat in it. They wooshed her down these stairs and put her right into her car to get to another fashion show because this fashion show was in the fifth floor of the Metropolitan Pavilion. They had to move her fast. She’s a history revisionist, in her mind it never happened basically.”
And he isn’t a’scurred that his storytelling has ruined his relationship with Vogue, because he says it’s a hostile work environment over there … oh snap again … and he would want to be on their good side anyway. And then he dished more Wintour Dirt:
“I was [once] on an airplane with Anna Wintour and the flight attendant came up to me and said, ‘Is that Anna Wintour?’ And I said, ‘Yes. It is.’ She asked, ‘Do you think I can say hello to her?’ I said, ‘Well of course. Who wouldn’t want you to greet them? That would be lovely."
The flight attendant went over and a man sitting next to Wintour stood up, put out his hand — thinking he was Diana and this was “Stop! In The name Of Love” —  and said to her, ‘You have to go away, Miss’ because speaking to Anna Wintour when you’re —i n her mind — a Sky Maid, is the Height of Disrespect.

And Tim finished that story by saying he isn’t worried about Anna getting revenge on him.
“She can try to turn me to stone. I don’t think it will happen.”
But she hurls a mean stiletto and I have the facial scar to prove it.

So, Tom Cruise and his ex-beard Nicole Kidman’s daughter Isabella Cruise married an ALLEGED non-Scientologist Max Parker last week in a low-key ceremony. That Tommy ALLEGEDLY refused to attend because Max might not drink the Kool-Aid. Nicole wasn’t there either because Isabella did not invite either of her parents to the ceremony.

Of course, because he hates bad press, Tom released a statement saying he was “cool” with not being invited to his daughter’s wedding and that he paid for the whole shebang and doesn’t really care if Max hasn’t ordered a ticket for the Xenu Spaceship.

But there are conflicting stories that Nicole did attend and Tom did not, or that Tom attended while Nicole was snubbed. Depending on whom you read, Radar, TMZ, ET, ISBL, D-Listed, Tommy was there, or he wasn’t; Nicole was there or she didn’t even know it was happening. It was a big Scientology event, or it was an escape attempt.

Either way that is one dysfunctional family.

Oh Hugh Grant.

Over the past four years, he’s been having babies nonstop with two different women; the first, Tinglan Hong, a sometime lover who birthed his baby when they weren’t even dating back in 2011. Then, while they were still not a couple, but a couple of parents to a child, Hugh banged Tinglan again and she had another child.

But, in between Tinglan’s first and second surprise Hugh Grant Impregnations, he knocked up a Swedish woman named Anna Eberstein and they had a son in 2012. Now, it appears that while Tinglan was just a booty call that gave birth ... twice … Anna is a real girlfriend; albeit the kind a guy has when he wants a woman at home and still wants to bang one-offs when he’s bored because now Anna is pregnant again with Hugh’s baby.

So, it goes Tinglan, Anna, Tinglan, Anna, in birth order for Hugh, which means Tinglan best be ready to put a new duvet on the non-matrimonial bed.

You never hear gossip about Claire Danes, unless it’s old gossip come to light because there’s a new season of Homeland to promote.

Danes was on Howard Stern this week and told the tale of how, way back in Ott-Three, she stole Billy Crudup away from his pregnant-at-the-time girlfriend, Mary-Louise Parker.
But now, I guess, since it’s been twelve years or so, when Claire was asked about the scandal, she gave it all a sort of “shit happens” excuse:
Howard: When you decided to date … Billy Crudup … he was a married guy and just had a kid, and you start dating him. Of course, he’s getting shit for it and all that. Is that such a scary thing because people are judging you?
Claire: Yeah, that was a scary thing. That was really hard.
Howard: When you go through something like that, are you thinking of your career? Are you like, “What am I doing?” Because people are so goddamn judgmental and all of this stuff?
Claire: Yeah, I don’t know. I didn’t know how to not do that. I was just in love with him and needed to explore that. And I was 24, didn’t quite know what those consequences might be.
WTF? She wasn’t some teenager, she was a grown-assed woman who met a married man with a pregnant girlfriend and just decided to bang him and take him away from his family because, well, that happens? I always thought Claire was a smart one, but I guess not when she’s thinking with her lady parts.

Oh, and lest you think I’m going easy on Crudup, think again: he was a dick, too.

One of the reasons Tommy might not, or might have, or might not have, been at his daughter’s wedding is that that he’s busy is selling off his property.

Earlier this year he listed a compound in the Hollywood Hills for $13 million, apparently evicting his sister who lived there in the process, and now he’s selling his Telluride Nuthouse for, wait a sec, $59 million, along with his personal Beverly Hills manse for the bargain price of $50 million.

Why, Tommy, why? Are there more stories of your ALLEGED gay-etude coming out and you’ll need cash for lawyers or, is it someone more Xenu?

Rumor has it that Tommy is estranged from some of his family members — perhaps the non-Scientology ones — and no longer wants them living on his properties, so he’s selling the homes, loading the truck and moving to … Florida, a home to Scientology wacknuts and close to his “dear friend” John Travolta.

I wonder if this is going where it sure as hell looks like it’s going …. Tommy and Johnny canoodling on a Sunshine State beach?

Oh yeah … ALLEGEDLY.

Randy Quaid was arrested in Montreal this week yesterday morning during one of his regular check-ups with Canada Border Services. He’d applied for permanent residency in Canada in 2013 but was denied due to felony vandalism charges he faces in Santa Barbara and then ran away from to live up north. He was supposed to go a hearing with the Immigration and Refugee Board, but skipped out on that, hence the arrest.

And apparently Canadian Border officials are giving him the boot from their country because, well, wacknut criminal and all. He was ordered to get out by Wednesday and will most likely be deported back to the US next week. And he’s good with that because he now says he wants to deal with the charges in Santa Barbara and move on with his life.

Except … when Randy and his wife Evi escaped Santa Barbara for Canada he said that they were running from a group called the Hollywood Star Whackers who were murdering famous types and who were going to murder him next. And now he’s saying that although he called them “Star Whackers” he doesn’t think an actual mafia of killers is trying to murder him. He just means that there are powerful people in Hollywood who are mean to him.

Um, uh huh. Canada wins again. We got Bieber and Celine Dion and now they’re making us take Quaid back, too?

Damn them and their universal healthcare.

A few months back John Stamos was pulled over after several people called 911 to report that his silver Mercedes was swerving all over the place. He was ALLEGEDLY pretty drunk and was arrested and booked and released and sent to rehab all min the space of about an hour.

Now, the Los Angeles District Attorney will charge him with a DUI but there are new bits of the story; like the fact that Stamos was ALLEGEDLY under the influence of GHB, AKA a date rape drug.

A source close to Stamos — does Lohan sell GHB — says he wasn’t roofied and he wasn’t taking it to get high, but was using a date rape drug to lean out his body mass,” so he could be body hot-ready for Fuller House; apparently all the bodybuilders do it, so skinny ass Stamos tried it too.

I’m’a hafta go, Uh Huh on this one.

Friday, October 09, 2015

PR 14 Ep 10: The One That Drives Tim ... and Me ... F**king Crazy

Ah, the ‘real women’ challenge; the challenge that really puts the designtestants to the test because they have to be themselves and please a client all at once. And this time the clients are women from the Project Runway crew, who know the show, know the designers, and know what they like and don’t like.

I sense some ugly coming on.

The designers meet Tim in the workroom with Sally Beauty Consultant Liddy Bisanz and Sally Beauty Lead Hair Stylist Gregory Patterson … woof … who give them the challenge of making over these crewmembers, both in their fashion, and in their hair and make-up.
Luckily, it’s a two-day challenge — though some needed at least a few days more — and another trip to Mood — though we didn’t get any Swatch … again!

Let’s rip …
Talent Manager Ashleigh is paired with Kelly and they seem to be a perfect fit. Kelly wears mostly overalls and she wants Kelly to design some … overalls; albeit grown-up and chic overalls in leather or pleather or vinyl or some such.

Kelly likes until the fitting when she says the pants make her vagina look huge — I will not go there — and she worries about “diaper butt.” Tim is also worried that Kelly will bedazzle the look and suggests instead that she add a third piece and keep it simple.

I definitely listened to Ashley and I kept ‘me’ in there.

Overall, she made overalls for a girl who wears overalls. Dressy overalls, yes, but, overall, I was less than impressed.

Nina loved that Kelly really listened and that she didn’t go ‘Kelly’ on the look by embellishing it to within an inch of its life. Heidi loved the makeover and called the look modern and sophisticated.  Zac loved the fabrics and that Kelly took overalls and ‘elevated’ them. Guest judge, and star on Lifetime’s UnReal, Shiri Appleby liked it better without the vest, though her co-star, Constance Zimmer, loved that it was a feminine overall.

Kelly scores a win, though, again, overall, I was less than impressed.
Camera Assistant Katie wants Kelly but gets Merline and she is a’scurred of Merline’s boxy ginormous coats. As the two sit and chat, Katie says she wants fun and flirty pants and crop top and Merline suggests tights and a coat. Katie had to be held down at the mere mention of a Merline Coat.

And so Merline makes her … a coat; and a coat so big that Katie feels she looks like a penguin. Tim tells Merline that they needn’t compromise — by making the coat more fitted — but treat this as a marriage where both client and designer are represented; a theme Tim sees as a thread … Get it? Thread? Designers? I’ll stop … running throughout the room.

I’m super-excited to see Katie rocking it.

It’s cute, but I’m over the gray and black theme from Merline, and the skirt is waaaay too tight.

Heidi loved Katie’s shaved head and loved the look, too. Nina called the look stellar, while Shiri liked the vest-coat and the tank top underneath.

Merline is Safe.
Desiree, a sound mixer, is chosen for him, and she’s a bit nervous about the whole thing until he hugs her, and her worries flutter away. I mean, a bear hug from The Adorable Edmond™ would make me forget just about everything so … where was I?

She wants a rain coat, and The Adorable Edmond™ gives her that, as well as a pant that, even on the mannequin, has camel toe. And as Desiree tries on the coat she wonders where the design is, and where The Adorable Edmond™ is, in it. The Adorable Edmond™ did the opposite of Merline and tried to make exactly what his client wanted and forgot to interject himself into the process.

He switches it up, and gives the coat The Adorable Edmond™ Treatment and scraps the pant and top for a dress, even going so far as to weave fabric through the mesh top creating his own textile.

This is not the look I would have created.

I like it … separately. The coat is very casual and the dress is not, though both are well-made.

Heidi was not a fan because the two pieces don’t mesh; but she loved the woven mesh of the top that The Adorable Edmond™ created. Shiri thought there were too many elements to the pieces and it should have been edited. Nina said the look should have been effortless and wasn’t; and she also agreed that the two piece don’t work together.

As there was a lot of crap further down the runway, The Adorable Edmond™ is also safe.
Challenge Assistant Nicole, who is a plus-size gal, loves that she got a designer who specializes in that aesthetic. But then the tears erupt because suddenly Ashley doesn’t know what she’s doing — except for once again buying a hideous print at Mood … which leads me to believe that maybe they have an Ugly Print Section.

Nicole wanted sleeves; Ashley gives her sleeveless; she wanted flirty skirt, Ashley gives her a pencil skirt. And Ashley cries again.

I’m most concerned about making her look older …

… and wider, with that peplum, and sadder, with the hideous print and the sad color palette.

Zac hated the proportions and the print, and wondered how Ashley bombed in what could have been her moment to shine. Heidi also hated the fabric and the unflattering silhouette. Constance said the peplum, rather than Heidi a flaw, drew attention to an area that maybe should have been the focus. Shiri thought the mix of fabric and the peplum cut Nicole into pieces … which cannot be a good thing. Nina also said the color choices were unflattering and demanded that Ashley stop crying.

For a hot minute when it seemed two people would go, I thought Ashley would have to pack her Kleenex and head to the bus stop; but she’s Safe.
Model Wrangler — and I’m picturing models being lassoed and herded into the workroom which pleases me immensely — Monique is kinda thrilled at being the model this week. 

Candice, as usual, goes leather and tight and corset and pencil skirt, but, as Tim pointed out, it was Candice-Lite … and something Nicole could have bought at H&M that morning.
So Candice, too, starts over and goes nuts with leather trims and pops of blue and a sheer overcoat and piping and tight and slits and … somebody call a Call Girl?

She looks really sexy, strong and confident.


Heidi was not happy, calling the look cheap and tawdry, while Zac thought it was a perfect design … for a hooker on the street. Nina thought it too boudoir and said the clothes were wearing the model, not vice versa. Shiri could only wonder where in the world this girl was going, and Constance said, “To Comic Con;” she did add that at least Candice tried and that there was some effort and design.

Candice, perhaps because she's shown what she can do, is Safe.
He gets Production Coordinator Jennifer who really wants a makeover but worries about giving the control to someone else. She tells him she wants sleeves, and she wants a look that goes from day-to-night, from work to dinner. And he hears “Bombshell.” And he wants sexy and tight and, yeah, he doesn’t listen.

And he doesn’t really work on the garment and when Tim and Jen check in, the next day, he literally has nothing for her to wear. He’s made some simple — seen it before — wrap top in tight leather and tight sleeves and a neoprene and leather skirt. Jen is not happy; Tim is pissed off. As Swapnil begins with the excuses Tim cuts him off with a “Bull sh*t!” and looks at the garment and asks:

“What is the f**king point?” 

OMG. Tim drops the f-bomb, though I get it because Swapnil is just skating along. So much so that Tim asks why he’s even on the show and he mutters something about “learning.” And then apologizes to Jennifer and says he doesn’t blame her and he isn’t making excuses and then he proceeds to blame her and make excuses ...

I am not proud of my look.

A cape, and some ruffles, in some really unfortunate fabrics, doesn’t say day-to-night, as Jen wanted, or even bombshell as Swapnil wanted.

Nina says he is all surface—capes and drapes—and only created what he wanted, totally ignoring his client. Zac called him a one-trick pony; he was bored and pissed off, and wouldn’t even look at the dress or Swapnil. Up close, though, he discover that the top wasn’t even sewn together, just tied in a knot in back. Heidi noticed then that the sleeved had been split so they would fit. Shiri also called it boring and said it looked like Swapnil gave up; and then he added that if the designer doesn’t care about his look, why should we?
After skating, and smoking, and whining, Swapnil is Auf’d.
Jennifer got off the best line when she tried on the third of Swapnil’s Trio Of Horrible Looks and said: “He gave me wings in the back, so now I can be an older Sally Field and a modern day Flying Nun.”

And speaking of Swapnil: I am so glad he’s gone. I, like Tim, was pissed off at the way he didn’t do any work, but then blamed everything on his client when he actually refused to listen to her. I’m glad he’s gone; I’d thought he’d make it to the finale, but now I’m just happy he’s gone.

The judges seemed to suggest that two folks might go home last night and I was hoping it would be Ashley because I am so tired of the ugly ass prints and the pink and purple vibe to everything she does. Maybe if she changed her hair color she might find a new spark.

That said, had they Auf’d her and had Tim saved her, I might have been okay with that. On the other hand, had Tim saved Swapnil — and that was highly doubtful — I would have been really annoyed.

The Tents? The Adorable Edmond™, still. And Candice, probably. But now it looks like Merline or Kelly might make an appearance unless Ashley stops the waterworks and gets to work.

Gregory Patterson. Yum. The Adorable Edmond™. Double yum.

What did YOU think?

I Didn't Say It ...

Meryl Streep, on feminism:

"Men should look at the world as if something is wrong when their voices predominate. They should feel it. People at agencies and studios, including the parent boards, might look around the table at the decision-making level and feel something is wrong if half their participants are not women. Because our tastes are different, what we value is different. Not better, different. I am a humanist, I am for nice easy balance."

And wouldn’t it be nice just to hear a different perspective on things?
Like, oh, I don’t know, from a female president, for example?
Ben Carson, future failed presidential candidate and, apparently brain-dead neurosurgeon, responding to a Facebook question about the Second Amendment and the recent Oregon mass murder:

"I grew up in the slums of Detroit. I saw plenty of gun violence as a child. Both of my cousins were killed on the streets. As a Doctor, I spent many a night pulling bullets out of bodies. There is no doubt that this senseless violence is breathtaking — but I never saw a body with bullet holes that was more devastating than taking the right to arm ourselves away. Serious people seek serious solutions. The Left would prefer to use these tragedies to advance a political agenda. To me, that is also devastatingly sad. The Left would have you believe that a man that asked Christians to stand up (and then executed them one by one) would obey “new gun laws”. That kind of logic explains many of the problems we find ourselves in today."

No one is suggesting that a lunatic would follow new gun laws, you moron, they are simply saying that if we had better gun control maybe the lunatics wouldn’t find it so easy to get a gun and go on a shooting spree.
God, for a brain surgeon, you’re an ignorant f**k.
Adam Rippon, US figure skater, coming out as gay:

“I feel so overwhelmed that U.S. Figure Skating wants to be a part of me. It’s a huge thing to have your sport’s governing body be a part of that and to show all their athletes that they accept them for who they are and for their individual personalities. … I want to be a relatable example. And I want to say something to the dad out there who might be concerned that his son is a figure skater. I mean look at me; I’m just a normal son from small-town Pennsylvania. Nothing changed. I’d just like to be a good role model. I’ve been honest with myself the whole time. I worked hard and loved what I did.”

I could make a joke about how surprising it is that a male figure skater is gay, but let’s get real: he’s gay and we’re everywhere and any acceptance anywhere is a positive thing for the younger gaylings.
Kanye West, on how he’s been discriminated against in the fashion industry because he is not gay:

“I feel like I got discriminated in fashion for not being gay. In music, you definitely get discriminated in music if you are gay. It takes amazing talents to break down barriers. Everyone thought that when Frank Ocean dropped that it was going to be bad for his career. I feel like it’s so cliché to speak about him as it relates to this subject, but there are people who broke the ground and he broke the ground. The people that break the stereotypes make history.”

First off, Kanye, lotsa folks think you are gay, so it isn’t any perceived image of your sexual orientation that makes the fashion industry discriminate against you …
It’s.The.Clothes. Seriously, Google his collection and you can see why he’s being “discriminated” against.
Bobby Jindal, lunatic Louisiana governor and future failed presidential candidate, on the “real” culprit in the Oregon massacre:

“This killer’s father is now lecturing us on the need for gun control and he says he has no idea how or where his son got the guns. Of course he doesn’t know. You know why he doesn’t know? Because he is not, and has never been in his son’s life. He’s a complete failure as a father, he should be embarrassed to even show his face in public. He’s the problem here. … He brags that he has never held a gun in his life and that he had no idea that his son had any guns. Why didn’t he know? Because he failed to raise his son. He should be ashamed of himself, and he owes us all an apology. Case Closed.”

Wow. So it’s not the fact that it’s easy-peasy to get a gun in this country.
It’s not the fact that Mercer’s mother stockpiled weapons and routinely took her son to a shooting range.
It’s that his father is anti-gun and wasn’t around.
Seriously, Bobby Jindal, you are a disgrace to the human race.

Thursday, October 08, 2015

Random Musinsg

As I was saying … we got through the storm fairly well. That's our little patch of South Carolina in the circle there, with rain totals of about 16 inches from Friday night to Monday morning.

There was some water in the fireplace from wind driven rain coming down the chimney. And one of the skylights in the sunroom leaked a little.

Both of these things caused Carlos to thrust his head into his hands because he hates to spend money to fix anything, and because he thinks he can do anything himself.

“We are not having ___________ come back to fix the skylight again since he didn’t do a good job!”

“Um, _____ re-caulked the skylight when he saw it three years ago and it hasn’t leaked since. But he did say it might need to be replaced as it’s almost thirty-five years old.”

“Okay, whatever. But I think we can put a cap on the chimney ourselves.”

“Wait a sec! Are you a f**king masonry expert now, too? Cool. When we get done with the chimney why not build us a car in our spare time?”

Luckily I talked him down off his high horse and didn’t have to talk him down off the roof.
So, it ALLEGEDLY it went like this:

Kim Davis says the Pope wanted to see her.

The Vatican neither confirmed nor denied the story.

The Vatican then did not deny the story.

The Vatican confirmed the story.

Kim David says Pope Frankie told her to stay strong and ‘fight the fags,’ though I might be paraphrasing that last part.

The Vatican is pissed.

And has now come out and said the only people to have an actual audience with the Pope, and not just trotted out to shake his hand and say nothing to him, were a former student and his husband, with whom the Pope spoke personally.

Kim Davis. The Liberty Counsel. Called out as liars by the Vatican.

Life is good.
The new television season is underway and the Hot Men Parade continues …

Alexander Fehling plays Carrie’s boyfriend on the new season of Homeland and he is Ginger Hot.

Matt Chen, who apparently only wears shirts that are two sizes too small — and that is not a complaint — is a new mystery man on How To Get Away With Murder, while Adan Canto is the new mystery ‘ranch hand’ on Blood & Oil — which is basically Dallas in Montana with hotter guys.

And finally we have Josh Stamberg, who plays Helens’ new love interest on The Affair, and during last week’s episode left nothing to the imagination. Nothing.
Rumor has it that a new movie, possibly a Lifetime film, will be made on the life and time and hypocrisy of Kim Davis.

Danny Devito is set to star ….
So, rapper 50 Cent is not a fan of Empire … perhaps because, folks say, he produces a similar show on Starz called Power. I watch both, and the only thing the two shows have in common are predominantly black casts, so I don’t get why 50 is pissy about Empire.

But he is; and he proved it by Instagramming a photo of the Empire cast, suggesting that season two is already seeing a ratings decline with his explanation as to why:

“‘There are 3 million less viewers who tuned into last night’s Empire episode!!!! did you watch it? We could not take the extra gay stuff or celebrity stuff last night!!!!’”

Oh, so 50 hates the ‘gay’ stuff? Methinks 50 is a little hot on the ‘gay’ stuff, personally ... because he has dogged Empire ever since it premiered to huge ratings last year calling it “some sh*t you get for free,” as opposed to his premium show, Power,  which is “worth paying for.” 

After people began to bitchslap 50 on social media he deleted that particular Instagram, but posted a new one, directed at Taraji P. Henson, who plays Cookie on Empire:

“Empire’s ratings took a huge hit. Okay I’ll stop now. Cookie call me baby. I’ll tell every body to watch the show for you.” 

But everyone knows you don’t mess with Cookie, who apparently Taraji P. Henson’s Twitter account to shut this thing down:

“I pay attention to $’s not CENTS.”

Advantage: Cookie.
Lastly, the latest edition of Cosmopolitan features the Kardastrophe Klan in all their pinched, tucked, nipped, Botoxed, plumped, dyed, cinched, stretched glory, under the heading “America’s First Family.”

And people are enraged that Cosmo would dare call any family other than the Obama’s by that name, given that the Obama’s are a decent kind loving family thrust into the spotlight because the patriarch is the first African American President, and the Kardastrophes were thrust into the spotlight because Kim can’t keep her legs closed and the camera off and That Woman pimps out her own children for coins.

Just sayin’.