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Anne Marie stole this from Cookie and so I stole it from her ... "Ten Things I Just Don't Get":
Gay Republicans. Christians for _____. The Real Housewives of Auckland. Yes, it’s real. John Lithgow. Racism. Justin Bieber’s appeal. Comb-overs. Wal-Mart. The ‘soul patch’ Apolitical people.
Now you try ....
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Monday, July 24, 2017
Get It ... or Don't?
President _____’s New ‘It’ Boy Flips, Then Flops
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I feel bad, you know, losing a job that you loved, that people loved to see you do; a job that meant something to this country as we stand up and Resist ____; but the President-For-Now brings in a new Communications Director, and so, well, you had to go.
Oh, not Spicer ... I’, glad he’s out ... couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. I’m talking Melissa McCarthy; now that Spicer has left the building, her gig as Press secretary for SNL is clearly over.
I’ll miss
Following the announcement, reports surfaced that Scaramucci donated $4,600 to Hillary Clinton in 2007 and $5,600 to former President Barack Obama in 2008. Then Twitter came for him, and Twitter had receipts; y’all should know you can’t hide from Twitter:
"If Hillary keeps this up, she might be back in play for 2016...." I hope she runs, she is incredibly competent”—Anthony Scaramucci “Republicans should support Gay marriage.”—Anthony Scaramucci “You can take steps to combat climate change without crippling the economy. The fact many people still believe CC is a hoax is disheartening.”—Anthony Scaramucci “Walls don't work. Never have never will. The Berlin Wall 1961-1989 don't fall for it.”—Anthony Scaramucci “If Russia tried to subvert American democracy, deserves strong response. But allow pres-elect time to process intel.”—Anthony Scaramucci “We (the USA) has 5% of the world's population but 50% of the world's guns. Enough is enough. It is just common sense it apply more controls.”—Anthony Scaramucci
So, wait, pro-Hillary, pro-Obama, anti-Wall, pro-gun control, pro-marriage equality Anthony Scaramucci is _____’s new boy? What ... if anything ... were _____, and Scaramucci, thinking?
Well, for his part, Scaramucci says his personal political views “don’t matter” because he serves _____ and it’s those opinions that people should pay attention to:
“Btw my political views don't matter I serve @POTUS pay attention to his!”
So I guess you can just sell your soul, your ideals, your views, for a job. Look, my political views swing way left, while my boss’s views are way over yonder on the right, but he isn’t a political figure and my job isn’t as his Communications Director spreading his agenda, so we’re all good. But how can Anthony Scaramucci stand up and defend _____, as he will have to do, almost daily, when he disagrees with him on virtually everything?
Well, he’s already started, apparently, because Scaramucci granted his first interview as Communications Director to ... wait for it, it’s vile ... Breitbart.
“One of the things Breitbart has done is you’ve captured the spirit of what’s actually going on in this country.”
Wow. He took the job and lost all his sense almost instantaneously. Seriously, praising _____ and then kissing the ass of Breitbart? This, on the very same day his new boss went on a Twitter Rage attacking the Democrats, Hillary Clinton and the media in a series of tweets that defended Junior’s Russian meeting and even confirming that his own Attorney General, and Keebler Elf, Jeff Sessions had discussed campaign-related matters with Russia.
Oh, and _____ also floated the idea that he has the “complete power to pardon.” Anyone, including himself.
And, finally, because he’s completely out of his ever-loving mind, _____ actually Tweeted a defense of Scaramucci, who has called _____ “anti-American” and a “hack” in 2015:
“In all fairness to Anthony Scaramucci, he wanted to endorse me 1st, before the Republican Primaries started, but didn't think I was running!”
Was that when he was Tweeting anti-wall, anti-gun, anti-_____ shiz, too?
   But, maybe Anthony Scaramucci is the right man for this Criminal Lying Administration, because he also took to Twitter in the name of :::coughcough:::: bull shiz :::coughcough::: “full transparency” to say he has deleted those old pro-Hillary, anti-Wall, anti-Gun Tweets because. And this is rich: “Past views evolved & shouldn’t be a distraction. I serve [_____’s] agenda & that’s all that matters.”
No, what matters is that you’ve cast your lot with an imbecile; you’ve sold your soul for, what, a few coins and some exposure?
See, Anthony, full transparency would be to keep the tweets, not bury them; deleting records, even your past “views”, is the complete opposite. It appears you attended the _____ Junior School of Transparency, where you offer up information and excuses right before, or in your case, after when the truth comes out.
So, clearly, you’re gonna fit right in with this band of thugs, grifters, criminals and traitors.
Congrats on the new job!
  
PS I'm getting a very strong Gaydar ping from Scaramucci and I'm thinking maybe Mario Cantone should play him on SNL next season ... if Anthony still has the job?
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Sunday, July 23, 2017
Saturday, July 22, 2017
It's Snarkurday!
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Mel B and her soon-to-be ex-husband, Stephen Belafonte, were put on blast by an LA judge this week for “living beyond their means” ... like the fact that Mel B says she spends $9,000 a month on groceries and dining out, along with $1,300 on entertainment expenses, court documents show.
Judge Lawrence Riff says Mel B and Belafonte enjoyed a “high upper-class life” during their nearly 10-year marriage but that their expenses were not “entirely credible or reasonable.”
Ya think? Mel claims her monthly expenses include $20,000 in “child care,” $5,000 in “groceries and household supplies” for a family of four, $4,493 for “eating out,” and $1,313 for “movies, shows, theme parks, etc.”
As for Belafonte, he claims to spend $2,300 a month on “groceries and household supplies,” $750 in cell phone expenses, $2,000 in clothes and $3,000 on “entertainment, gifts and vacation.” Riff says the pair should’ve kept their personal living expenses capped at $51,000 a month.
Fifty-one-thousand a month? How does a judge expect a family of six to live on $1700 a day? But wait, it gets better; on Friday, the judge ordered Mel B to pay Belafonte $40,000 per month in emergency spousal support and another $140,000 in legal fees. So he’ll have to get by on $1300 a day now that the Mel B Gravy Train has left the station.
Poor man.
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It was a little more than a week ago that Shia LaBeouf was arrested for being drunk and disorderly, and has-been boy bander Aaron Carter took to Twitter to mock Shia by saying he’s been a celebrity a lot longer and never been arrested.
Oops. Carter got into some serious trouble—in Georgia, too, just like Shia—after he was arrested for DUI and possession of weed and drug accessories.
And the drama is only beginning to grow ... like the fact that his mugshot makes him look less celebrated and more like the meth dealer who sells from a dumpster behind the Piggly Wiggly on Us 1 in Smallville.
Secondly, we have Aaron’s brother Nick, an expert in the art of mugshots after his own series of arrests, taking to Twitter to talk to his brother:
“To my brother: I love u no matter what & if u feel the need to reach for help, I am here and willing to help you get better.” “Family isn't always easy, be we're all here for you.”
Aaron called out Nick for using his arrest “for his PR” instead of contacting him directly. But, according to Nick’s wife, Lauren, Nick would have called personally ... if he’d had his brother’s phone number.
Anyway, back to Aaron and the Excuses ... he claims that his arrest happened after he and his girlfriend stopped at an AutoZone to get a new tire for his car ... You know how that always leads to an arrest ... and he says he has a medical marijuana license for the weed ... because who doesn’t ... and finally Aaron believes he was “targeted” by the police because he is a ... wait for it ... celebrity.
And so now Aaron has threatened to sue the Habersham County cops who arrested him because he says they never saw him driving a car that night ... though he ALLEGEDLY refused a breathalyzer and urine test and says there was nothing in his system.
Still, I keep going back to that mugshot ... Just sayin’.
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I guess since he and his mistress have now come out in the open, Ben Affleck no longer needs Batman? Or Batman doesn’t need him?
Affleck‘s ties to the upcoming film The Batman are almost all gone ... starting with the fact that, after his first time in the cape fell flatter than his marriage, now it appears that the director of the upcoming second installment read the script that Ben wrote and scrawled “Pass” on it in red ink.
Yup, The Batman’s new director Matt Reeves revealed that he won’t be using the script Ben wrote and will, instead, be using a “new story” for his Batman movie. New as in without Affleck?
The only sad part of this story is that, in Ben’s script, now smoldering in a trash can at Warner Brothers, Joe Manganiello was set to play Deathstroke, and so maybe we won’t see Joe’s Magnificent ass in tights any time soon.
Damn you, Ben Affleck, damn you.
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China gets a bad rap over a lot of things ... polluting the plant ... human rights violations ... the one-child policy ... but there are times when you gotta give ‘em a high five. See, this week China banned Justin Bieber for bad behavior.
Beijing's Culture Bureau responded to a fan's request asking why the Biebs' Purpose tour has scheduled dates in Japan, Indonesia, the Philippines, Singapore and Hong Kong but NOT China:
"Justin Bieber is a gifted singer, but he is also a controversial young foreign idol. As far as we are concerned, he has engaged in a series of bad behaviors, both in his social life and during a previous performance in China."
The bureau didn't give specifics but you may recall that back in 2013 Bieber was carried onto the Great Wall of China like royalty.
So, maybe it’s that or maybe it’s just that Bieber’s a spoiled little dick and China doesn’t want their kids getting any ideas.
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Back when Gwyneth Paltrow first started GOOP it was her attempt to train the peasants in better ways to live ... if they had $1500 for a t-shirt, or a doctor who would Stanley Steamer their vaginas. But, over the years, GOOP has shifted from Advice For The Poverty Stricken From The Entitled Actress to straight up commerce.
And her advice ... like “earthing” AKA taking off your shoes and walking in the grass ... or the Paltrow Eight Day Goat Milk Only Cleanse Using GOOP Goat Milk ... and her push for women to slip a Jade Egg up their hoo-haws ... is causing at least one doctor to come for Gwynnie.
Many of GOOP’s latest medical recommendations have been refuted by actual doctors, and one of those, Dr. Jen Gunter, OBGYN, seems on a mission to discredit all things Paltrow.
Gunter has become a folk hero for the Anti-GOOP’s which really gets under Gwyneth’s thin skin ... as she showed recently when she devoted one of her GOOP letters to a Gunter Smackdown.
Paltrow, in that annoying condescending tone she uses, tried to explain that GOOP merely presents women with more information ... that costs ,,, and that GOOP’s critics aren’t merely trying to disseminate the correct medical information, they’re actually being “dismissive” of all of Gwyneth’s precious gurus and shamans.
Along with the editorial, Paltrow also published an editorial from Dr. Steven Gundry, who specifically addresses Gunter’s various takedowns, but seems more interested in the fact that Gunter uses the occasional f-bomb when talking GOOP. He also attacks her medical knowledge and is dismissive of the idea that Dr. Gunter might also be concerned about women’s health because, again, OBGYN.
Gunter responded:
“I must be affecting @goop's bottom line” “Hey @GwynethPaltrow I give away my health info for free, you sure sell lots of stuff. Do you and your pals at @goop know about bias?”
Naturally, folks took Gunter's side and someone posted to the GOOP site:
“She made me laugh, a lot. But mostly I cheered for her, because she’s David and Goop is Goliath and Dr. Gunter is going to take that a–hole down.”
And I’d like a seat in the front row.
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This.Is.Rich.
Kim Kardastrophe is said to be “furious” over recent videos showing her partying hard; the video, taken when Kim was 23, comes on the heels of that "cocaine" picture she Instagrammed while on vacation ... "cocaine: that she later said was just candy.
A source—and clearly it’s Khloe who’s always been jealous—says:
“Kim feels incredibly humiliated by everything that has come out about her in these past couple of weeks. She’s in crisis mode.”
And so now That Woman is trying to do damage control in order to save Kim’s “career”.
I don’t know what’s funnier ... the idea that someone put the words “Kim Kardastrophe” and “career” in the same sentence, or that the woman who sold Kim’s sex-tape in order to make her daughter a “star”—and don’t get me started on that—is not trying to salvage her daughter’s reputation over another video.
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WWE wrestler John Cena shaves his balls. He also shaves his knuckles. And the crack of his ass.
Every. Day. He spends up to 30 minutes to an hour a day shaving. And he’s perfectly comfortable sharing these details:
“I’m completely man-scaped from head to toe—from the ears down—so that takes a bit of time. I’m constantly trying to stay up on fine lines in my skin and that stuff, so I’m a lot more grooming-centric than you would realize. My routine is a lot more than you would think—I’d say it’s a strong 7 ½ out of 10.”
And, for what it’s worth, John, if you ever get too busy and need someone to take over the job ... call me.
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Friday, July 21, 2017
I Didn't Say It ...
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Jeanine Pirro, former judge and Fox News commentator, saying there’s nothing wrong with receiving opposition research from a foreign state:
“As someone who’s run for office five times, if the devil called me and said he wanted to set up a meeting to give me opposition research on my opponent I’d be on the first trolley to hell to get it. And any politician who tells you otherwise is a bald-faced liar.”
So, Jeanine says she’d work with Satan to win an election? That speaks volumes about this asshat.
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Reverend William Barber, criticizing the evangelicals who “lay hands” on _____ last week:
“When you can p-r-a-y for a president and others while they are p-r-e-y, preying on the most vulnerable, you’re violating the most sacred principles of religion. When we have this extremist Trump Republican agenda that takes health care, transfers wealth to the greedy, that’s hypocrisy and sin. Seven hundred billion dollars ... You haven’t seen that kind of transfer of wealth on the backs of bodies of people since slavery. Claiming to care about life, but then passing a bill when you know thousands will die—22 million people, poor, working people will be hurt—that is hypocrisy and sin. When you know it will hurt children, the disabled and veterans, that is sin. That is hypocrisy.”
And that is _____ and the GOP in a nutshell: sin and hypocrisy.
As I said before, if you call yourself a Christian and support a thrice-married adulterer, pussy groping, disabled mocking, Mexican hating, Muslim baiting asshat, you are clearly no child of God ... so sit down.
And lay hands on your own sorry ass.
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Andrew Napolitano, former judge and Fox News commentator, saying political campaigns cannot accept “something of value” from a foreign government:
“So the question is, is this enough to commence a criminal investigation? Answer: yes. Because it is suspicious that they met with these people, they didn’t consult a lawyer, and one of these people is a former KGB/GRU. And didn’t tell anybody about it. Why didn’t Jared Kushner tell the FBI about it when he filled out his national security application unless he was trying to hide something?”
They all have something to hide.
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Elijah Cummings, Congressman, on GOP hypocrisy:
“For Republicans, there was no allegation too small to investigate in respect to Secretary Clinton, but there is no scandal too big to ignore with Donald Trump.”
How many hearings did the GOP hold on Benghazi and never uncovered any wrongdoing? How many times did we hear “criminal” shouted at Clinton about her emails and yet nothing criminal happened.
Then _____ comes along and there is proof that many people on his team and in his family lied about dealings with Russia and the GOP goes crickets.
Repeal and replace the entire party seems the best option now.
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Trevor Noah, Daily Show host, on Ann Coulter’s meltdown over being asked to change seats on a Delta flight:
“How long will white women be asked to move to the back of the — well, not the back, but just like slightly over two seats? Ann Coulter is basically Airplane Rosa Parks.”
Ann Coulter is a typical conservative wingnut who sees demons in every bad thing that happens to her, liberals at every obstacle, and collusion over the fact that she had to move three feet.
Fuck her.
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Kris Kobach, vice chair on _____’s Commission for Voter Integrity—and let that sink in: _____ and integrity—if he thinks Clinton won the popular vote:
“We may never know the answer to that question. Let’s suppose that the commission determined there was a certain number of votes cast by ineligible voters, you still won’t know if they voted for Trump, Clinton or someone else.”
Oh, Kris, you goose-stepping lapdog. Tear your snout away from _____’s sphincter and listen: Hilly Clinton won the popular vote. The only people who don’t believe that are the wingnuts with their lips pressed to the president’s flabby white ass.
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Michele Bachmann, describing ____ as normal:
“He is quite honestly one of the most regular guys you would ever meet. He just is who he is [and] after all of this phony, fake, Russia-collusion nonstory, the number one thing that voters in America stand with Donald Trump on, it’s the idea that they want the pause button hit on immigration from Islamic countries because of the problems that are coming into this country.”
Oh Michele, shouldn’t you be helping Marcusssss with his hair and makeup, because clearly the problem with this country is that the GOP is using fear as a means to get elected and then doing nothing about the so-called problem when in office.
You, Michele, are the problem; you and your hypocritical “faith.”
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Bill Palmer, political journalist, on _____:
"In no particular order, America has overcome a civil war, Adolf Hitler, a depression, and even disco. This illegitimate occupation of the White House by a confirmed traitor is a whole new kind of challenge for us. But we can, and we will, overcome this. In the end, the will of the people will propel the Constitution to propel Donald _____ out on his ass. When his degenerative brain disease finishes him off in a few years, he’ll either die a lonely miserable broke man, or he’ll die in a prison cell. We’re in the fight of our lives. But Trump is going to lose this battle, and America is going to win. We always have, and we always will.”
#Resist.
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Stephen Colbert, on _____’s second previously-undisclosed private meeting with Vladimir Putin:
“Really? How stupid can you be? You’re in the middle of what could be the worst scandal in U.S. history. People think you colluded with the president of a hostile foreign power, then you go out of your way to meet with him again and you don’t tell anybody? That’s like if OJ does get out on parole and immediately goes glove shopping. Here’s the thing, I want to believe _____ here. I want to believe that the president of the United States is just shooting the breeze with the guy he’s accused of colluding with for the second time that day, for an hour. But here’s why it’s hard to believe him. He lies about crowd size, voter fraud, ’til death do us part. He’s the boy who cried Wolf Blitzer is fake news! This might actually be a nothing burger but every time they tell us it’s a nothing burger, it turns out to be a juicy quarter pounder with sleaze.”
I’ve also said, time and again, that if there is a hint of some Russia scandal, the last thing you’d want to do, unless you’re a buffoonish lapdog of a Russian president, is to have anything to do with Russia.
But that’s just me.
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Thursday, July 20, 2017
Random Musings
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We ate breakfast together; drove to work together; came home together; ate dinner together. Then, as we’re sitting down in the living room Carlos says to me:
“You got your new glasses.” “Uh, no, they’ll come in on Friday.” “Are you sure? Those look like the new ones.” "Uh, I’ve been wearing these for two years, so, yeah, I’m pretty sure they’re not the new ones that don’t come in until Friday.” “They look like the new ones.”
And that’s when I reach for a cartoon frying pan to hit him in the head.
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So, the foul New Jersey Governor, Chris “Krispy Kreme” Christie, attended a Mets game last night and caught a foul ball.
He was instantly booed ... so he opened wide and ate the ball.
Just sayin’.
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So, now that the GOP, in control of the White House, the Senate and the House, cannot get their shiz together to pass a healthcare bill to replace the Affordable Healthcare Act, they have now set their sights on a repeal only mentality.
And it’s a worse idea than GOPDon’tCare ... according to the Congressional Budget Office repealing Obamacare would lead to 27 million uninsured in 2020, and 32 million uninsured by 2026. The CBO also projected that average premiums in the individual health insurance market would rise by about 25% next year, and inch over 50% higher in 2020, doubling by 2026.
Why not just repeal and replace the GOP? Problem solved.
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So, _____’s lawyer tried to make the claim that the Secret Service was in attendance at Junior’s secret Collusion Meeting with the Russians last year, but the U.S. Secret Service is saying it ain’t so.
The President-For-Now’s lawyer asked:
“I wonder why the Secret Service, if this was nefarious, why the Secret Service allowed these people in. The president had Secret Service protection at that point, and that raised a question with me.”
The Secret Service snapped back saying Junior “was not a protectee of the USSS in June, 2016. Thus we would not have screened anyone he was meeting with at that time.”
Nice try, ambulance chaser. Now sit down.
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In the Nothing To See Here File ... After his much-publicized, two-plus-hour meeting at the G20 with Vladimir Putin, it appears that _____ also met informally, and secretly, with Putin for an additional hour later the same day.
The second meeting went unreported at the time.
Like I said, Nothing To See Here ... Except More _____ Lies.
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Caitlyn Jenner, Olympic gold medalist, reality show whore, has-been and ALLEGED transgender activist, is said to be thinking of running for the U.S. Senate representing California.
Seriously? Do we need another reality-show-whore with little experience in politics?
Caitlyn, if you wanna help the Trans community, or the LGBT community, why not do it out of the limelight instead of trying to live your life on TV.
California needs real representatives, not Fake Ones ... like soap actor and underwear model Antonio Sabato Jr. who is considering a run to represent the southern central coast and most of Ventura County in Congress.
Dear god ....
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In This Can’t Be Good News ... new federal filings show that President _____’s re-election campaign is paying Junior’s defense attorney.
So the reelection money is for Junior’s legal defense? Huh?
And even more odd, is that the money was paid to Junior’s lawyers before the story of his lies and collusion hit the news, which kinda makes it look like they all knew the shiz was headed for the fan.
Lying _____’s? Say it ain’t so.
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Delta Airlines has apologized via Twitter to hate-monger Ann Coulter after her Twitter meltdown over having to give up her seat ... and move over two seats, on a recent Delta flight.
Delta Tweeted:
“We’re sorry you did not receive the preferred seat you paid for and will refund your $30.”
Then they added:
“Additionally, your insults about our other customers and employees are unacceptable and unnecessary.”
Snap.
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Yes, we’re still watching Will. It’s not as corny and cheese-filled after episode one and, Shallow Bob, there are so hot guys in it and it’s on TNT so you get some bare butts.
Hot Guys; Bare Butts. Two of my Go-To Wants in a TV show ... especially when there is some man-on-man TNT-type action.
So, this week we saw Mattias Inwood and his, dare I exaggerate, glorious ass. Along with Max Bennett as a priest ... a very hot priest.
So, yeah, Shallow Bob is still watching.
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Well, it looks like Ryan Lochte, the bubble-brained swimmer who filed a fake police report in Rio last year to hide the fact he, and his friends, were a bunch of drunken vandals, will not be going to jail after all. He was cleared of all charges after an appeals court threw out the criminal charge against the moron.
Still, the idiot paid a fine for being a douche and also received a ten-month suspension from USA Swimming; oh, and Speedo, Ralph Lauren, and GentleLase hair removal system dropped him as their spokes-dumbass.
Now can he go away?
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In the wake of his healthcare failure, his Iran failure, and his general failure at being the least bit presidential, _____ has decided to hold another one of his Ego Boosting Rallies to make him feel better.
Couldn’t Ivanka just have given him an ice cream cone and let him watch TV for an extra hour that night?
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I’d like to thank the academy ... Oh, it’s not an Oscar, but a Blogger Award. Well, okay, so what do I have to do?
Put the award image on my blog. Done.
List the rules. Um, okay ... ?
Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog. Thanks Toni at Wandering and Wondering.
Also mention the creator of the award and provide a link; creator? Well, apparently, the creator was our Almighty Go .... Okoto Enigma, whoever that may be.
Tell your readers three things about yourself.
Nominate other bloggers. I’ll nominate you all! You get an award! And you get an award! You get one, too! Look at me! I’m Oprah!
Ask your nominees any five questions of your choice, plus one weird or funny question. ... why don’t y’all take a shot at these questions ...
Share a link to my blog's best post. These might not be the best, but they're the ones that stick with me the most ...Hurt ... Random Musings ... Singular ... Shake The Etch-A-Sketch ... and of course ... Mr. and Mr. |
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Carlos got done talking with his Aunt Gloria last night and told me she had wanted to change the beneficiaries on her life insurance policy. She wanted him in charge, and then she’d leave instructions on how to split up the money. Then he looked at me and said
“You’re a contingency beneficiary?” “What? Why?” “If something happens to me, you’ll get the money.” “Excuse me ...” “Why?” “I need to Google ‘undetectable poisons.’”
Why the man loves me I do not know ....
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