Wednesday, September 17, 2014

In Indiana, A Woman Is Dying To Have Her Marriage Recognized

Does anyone else see this as completely bassackwards?

In Indiana, The Gays cannot get married, nor can gay folks living in Indiana, but married in a marriage equality state, have their marriage recognized. But, last week a federal judge approved an agreement for Indiana to recognize the marriage of Veronica Romero and Mayra Yvette Rivera while the state appeals a ruling overturning its gay marriage ban.

And they did so because Rivera has advanced ovarian cancer.

The agreement stipulates that Indiana will recognize Romero and Rivera’s marriage and, if Rivera dies, the state will issue a death certificate listing her as married and recording Romero as the surviving spouse. The Indiana State Department of Health has also agreed to assist local health departments, funeral homes, physicians, coroners and others involved in completion of a death certificate to understand their duties in the couple's case.

So, these women will be considered married because one of them is dying. How in the hell is this right, fair, equal, American? It reeks of Well, if one of you is dying then we’ll call you married.

So, let me get this queer: do I have to die to have my marriage recognized? Is that the next step?

Earlier this week, a friend of ours stopped breathing in the middle of the night; his partner tried to resuscitate and paramedics were called. Sadly, he never awoke and passed away en route to the hospital. He and his partner have been together for forty-two years. True, they never legally married, but if they had, would South Carolina then be forced to recognize the marriage after death, while fighting not to recognize their marriage while both spouses are alive and well?

I’m glad Romero and Rivera filed their lawsuit; I’m glad anyone, anywhere, files a lawsuit fighting for marriage equality. But to have a state government basically say that they’ll recognize the marriage, and assist with all the details, if one of the spouses dies is the height of insult.

Recognize marriages now, while we’re living, and don’t wait for some symbolic, and truly meaningless, gesture afterwards. I don’t want to be recognized after I die, I want my recognition now.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Pass The Donation Plate

Hello friends ...

I’ve got some good news and some bad news … let’s go good, first.

On October 17, 2014, after fourteen years together, Carlos and I will be getting married in Washington State. It’s a big deal, and a long time coming, but there is bad news …

When we return to South Carolina our marriage will not be recognized in our home state, or in thirty-one other states around the nation, but our fight, right now, is in South Carolina.

Carlos and I recently helped form The Will of the People Fund, a grass roots group with a singular focus on South Carolina’s marriage equality fight. The catalyst for our organization is the pending lawsuit by Katie Bradacs and Tracie Goodwin-Bradacs against the State of South Carolina in Federal District Court. Their suit seeks an order requiring the state to recognize their legal marriage in Washington, DC in 2012.

Our mission is both pure and simple: To raise funds for non-attorney costs, such as filing fees, legal brief writings, clerical work, photocopying and binding, etc, in support of that suit and future marriage equality litigation in our state. No attorney fees will be paid from this fund as the attorneys in the current suit, Carrie Warner and John Nichols, are donating their time.

So, while we are happy to finally get married, and have our marriage recognized by the federal government, we still wish to be seen as a married couple here at home, which is why I am writing to you now.

For money. Yikes! 

I was thinking that, since Carlos and I have been together for these many years, we really don’t need any wedding gifts; we have the blenders and the sheets and the carving sets. What we don’t have, and could really use, is recognition that we are a married couple in South Carolina.

And to that end, we’re asking our friends, family and blog followers to consider being a part of history by supporting The Will of the People Fund with a generous, tax deductible, contribution. The Will of the People Fund has little to no overhead since all of our work is being done by volunteers; nearly 100% of the money raised will be used for filing fees, legal brief writings, and clerical work in the ongoing fight for marriage equality in SC.

If you’d like to donate, please mail a check, made payable to The Will of the People Fund to:

The Will of the People Fund
P.O. Box 5006
Columbia, SC, 29250

Carlos and I would consider that the greatest wedding present ever! And please let us know, on the check, that the donation is given in our names because we'd like to acknowledge you, and thankyouthankyouthankyou!

Photo of the Week

I have no words .....

A Trifecta of GOP Asshats ... And How They Think About Women

Y’all remember Arnold Schwarzenegger, right? From the big budget action films, for one; and from his time in office as Governor of California; and, lastly, as the man who cheated on his wife with the maid and had a baby with her.

Oh yeah, and it goes without saying he’s a Republican. I mean, he’s the stereotypical Republican. And even more so because of something he’s just done.

Back in 2003, Schwarzenegger requested the painter of his official portrait include his wife's, Maria Shriver’s, face in the painting.  And the artist obliged, creating a campaign button of sorts on Schwarzenegger’s lapel with Maria’s face on it.

Lovely, no?

Then, after leaving office the story broke of the maid schtupping and of the child he’d fathered with the help and, well, Maria, kicked Arnie to the curb. Oh, he begged for forgiveness; he publicly whined about wanting his wife back; he released this statement:
“After leaving the governor’s office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago. I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry.”
His feelings of sorrow must have abated because Schwarzenegger has decided to re-issue his official portrait to the public, with Shriver’s face erased and replaced by a smudge.

That’s what he thinks of his ex-wife; it’s what the GOP thinks of women.
Okay, Ray Rice. Yeah, he beat his girlfriend in the elevator and lost his job, and the NFL is still trying to spin itself out of this one. But this isn’t about the NFL, but another three letters, GOP, and specifically Todd Kincannon, the chairman of the Simpsonville, South Carolina Election Commission.

Yes. South Carolina.

After the Rice story broke, Kincannon released this Tweet:


Uh huh. But he wasn’t done because, well, he’s a member of the GOP and the GOP thinks very little about women, unless the woman wants to control her own body. See, in Todd Kincannon’s world, Ray Rice is the victim, and ever since the story broke Todd has been on a roll, making light of domestic violence, violence against women, and even his own significant other:


Indeed, while most of us are in shock by what we saw in that video, Todd Kincannon thinks the woman deserved it, and that’s it’s all a big joke. Even his own wife, Ashley, should be grateful that she was thoughtful enough to be thinking of him, lest she get a beat-down, too.

GOP.OMG.
Well, well, well, last week South Carolina’s own Appalachian-Trail-Hiking-Mistress-Schtupping-ex-governor-current-congressman has broken off his engagement to his mistress because … his ex-wife is mean.

Uh huh. Oh, and he announced it on Facebook, changing his status from “Adulterer” to “Single.”

In the long and rambling Facebook post, Sanford complained about his ex-wife making life too hard for him with an acrimonious divorce, and then lists the amounts of money and assets he gave to The Darling Jenny—and, yeah, that’s sarcasm there because she’s no peach—and says she has continually asked for so much more that he had to ditch the mistress that he so loved but had never married:
“Jenny had said at that time was that if she didn’t get those things we would go to court and just have another public spectacle. I found that idea haunting, and so I indeed folded all the cards and that brings us to today. “
And so his five-year-engagement to his thirteen-year-mistress, The Not-So-Darkling Maria Belen Chapur suffered because, well, he cheated on his wife and she was mad:
“No relationship can stand forever this tension of being forced to pick between the one you love and your own son or daughter, and for this reason Belen and I have decided to call off the engagement … Maybe there will be another chapter when waters calm with Jenny, but at this point the environment is not conducive to building anything given no one would want to be caught in the middle of what’s now happening.”
And Marky ends by saying he must rededicate himself to God for answers; yup, a good Christian, and a good Republican, whenever they cheat on their wives and then have to break it off with their mistress, always turns to God because …..

Luckily, most people who are friends with Sanford on Facebook — and that in itself leads to the question WHY??? — aren’t nearly as accepting of his sad, sob story about mean Jenny; here are just two of the best:


It just proves, again, and how many times do the people of South Carolina need to be kicked in the teeth by Mark Sanford, that he cares most about his own personal life and less about the duties of the job to which he was elected.

But hey, South Carolina Republicans, you voted him back into public office. How you feeling about that now?
Kincannon
Sanford

Monday, September 15, 2014

ISBL Asshat of the Week: Todd Starnes

Todd Starnes works for Fox News. Strike one.

Todd Starnes is the, ahem, ‘religion reporter’ for Fox News. Strike two.

Todd Starnes, news man, religious aficionado, has come out now saying that same-sex marriage will lead to men marrying dogs. Strike three.

Now, to be fair, this is far from the dumbest thing Starnes has said, because he rarely opens his mouth without stupid — packed neatly in a sequined clutch I imagine — fall out. He has called diversity "ethnic cleansing;" he also said, of this year's Grammy's mass wedding—which included a few same-sex couples—“a display of intolerance, bigotry and hatred” though he refused to explain why or how because he attended the GOP Convention on “If You Say It Long Enough and Loud Enough People Will Believe You” class given by Michele Bachmann. 

Starnes has also suggested that President Obama is gay, and he responded to the news that NBA center Jason Collins is gay by tweeting, “The NBA is turning into GLEE.”

You know, cuz Glee is gay. But, now, his new mantra is the same old mantra that we’ve been hearing for eons: that same-sex marriage will lead to one-man one-cat (or dog) marriage.

Yup, that old adage is back, even though not once, never ever, since same-sex marriage became legal in this country — in Massachusetts back in ’03 — or in any place in the world where equality truly exists, have we seen one man ever marry an animal, or a clock, or a car.

But that doesn’t matter to people like Todd Starnes — who may ALLEGDELY have his own secret closet — because if you say the lie often enough, and if you say it under the guise of being a journalist … and that causes a fit of giggles that may see no end … then it must be true.

It isn’t. And every single day, as more and more same-sex couples marry, and more and more states join the equality movement, the idiot arguments of the likes of Todd Starnes, even on a channel that calls itself news like Fox, will be washed away in fits of giggles and snorts.

He’s a liar, and panderer, a fear monger, and, perhaps, ALLEGEDLY a self-loathing, deeply closeted gay man, but he is neither a news man nor a religious man because neither would spread lies and hate as often as Starnes.

Pathetic little man. And pathetic little ISBL Asshat of the week.

WTF? Katie Holmes ... Again

Why did she leave Tom Cruise? I mean, when they were together she had style because, well, he picked out all her clothes ... or she wore things she found in his closet.

ALLEGEDLY.

But ever since Katie strung bedsheets together, climbed down from her tower, outran the hounds and scaled the electrified fence at the Cruise Compound and the Greyhound'ed across the country to safety, her sense of style has gone downhill, and fast.

The pants are too long.

The shoes are too old lady pointy.

The one-shoulder look with the extra ruffles makes her look like a drunk who didn't get the top on straight before leaving the house.

The sheer midriff? Oh honey, no .... no.

Katie needs to marry another queen ... ALLEGEDLY ... and fast, if she wants to get her style back on trend.

Monday Bits ... And A Heartfelt Thanks To The Dog's Mother

Today, Carlos and I are off to Raleigh, North Carolina because we, and by we, I mean he — and a plus one, which would be me — have been invited to attend a cocktail party given by the Mexican Consulate in honor of Hispanic History Month.

Though his job Carlos met, and worked with, several members of the consulate and helped get some of the undocumented immigrants in South Carolina started on the path to citizenship.

And so, as sweet and as nice as I am, I have ordered Carlos to work the room tonight and secure himself a job with the Mexican Consulate … somewhere … anywhere. Europe, America, I don’t care.

He asked what I might be doing if he was offered, and accepted, a job with the consulate, and I politely responded that I would play the part of consulate wife, and have lunches with other consulate wives and have an affair with our pool boy.

Duh.

Oh ... and I'll be back Wednesday.
We are now just a little more than a month from Carlos and me getting married. We're going to keep it simple, with a couple of witnesses — my father being one — and a courthouse wedding. But I think we'll have some sort of reception after we get back home to celebrate with friends.

A new person started working with me this week, and was standing by my side when I was speaking to a friend of mine who was asking about the wedding. My friend and I talked about marriage and rings and all that jazz, and then this new co-worker chimed in that she was getting married, too, but that she wasn't a girly-girl so she wasn't into all the gowns and hoo-haw of a fancy wedding.

She asked me, Is your fiancée a girly girl?

I replied, Well, sometimes he is, and sometimes he isn't.

Asked and answered I guess.
Also on the news of wedding and dame-sex marriage, The Will of the People Fund will be marching in SC Pride this weekend in Columbia, so Carlos and I have our walking shoes lined up. We'll also have a tent at the festival and will be raising money for the lawsuit filed by Katie Bradacs and her wife Tracie Goodwin-Bradacs to have South Carolina recognize their marriage.
And so, on that note, I'll once again remind you all that The Will of the People Fund was created by fifteen gay men and women — including Carlos and myself, and some of our closest, gayest friends — to raise money for the non-attorney costs of the Bradacs lawsuit.

If you'd like to donate toward making South Carolina a marriage equality state, you can mail a tax-deductible donation, check payable to The Will of the People Fund, to:

The Will of the People Fund
P.O. Box 5006
Columbia, SC, 29250
And, on that note, a special thank you, and shout out to, The Dog's Mother, for the donation she and her husband, The Engineer,  sent, in Carlos' and my name, to the Will of the People Fund.

A lovely surprise, a grand gesture, a great gift.

ThankyouThankyouThankyou!

Saturday, September 13, 2014

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Oh, this is effing rich.

The Palin clan, including Mama Grizzly Bore™ herself, was ALLEGEDLY involved in a huge verbal and physical fight when they all got drunk at a friend’s house over the weekend. Fists flew, lips bloodied, and the MGB™ was ALLEGEDLY heard shrieking, “Don’t you know who I am?” at the people telling her to calm the eff down!

Here’s the gist:

The Palins were at a party when Track Palin — the eldest son of Mammy and Pappy Palin, and ALLEGEDLY raging drunk, got in the face of some random guy who used to date one of his sisters … the Facebook homophobe Willow Palin. It got hot, then another sister, Trick Palin … I kid, it was Blister … still kidding it was Bristol … began throwing punches because she’s a lady and a mother and all kinds of class. Soon, the entire Palin Klan was involved in the brawl.

That’s when MGB™ played the Reese Witherspoon, Don’t-you-know-who-I-am card and someone in the crowd ALLEGEDLY shouted back “This isn’t some damned Hillbilly reality show!”

Oh, but it is, because you see, had things gone differently back in ’08, and had the MGB™ become the Veep, and had Gramps McCain dropped dead, then the Plain’s would have been living in the White House.

And turning it into the White Trash House.

UPDATE: The MGB™ high-lariously claimed on her Facebook page that she had been traveling on Saturday, and she made no mention of her brawling drunken children.

But, one person who claimed to be a witness to The Thrilla from Wasilla said, on that post, that MGB™’s traveling claim was a load of moose manure:

“Interesting. Pretty sure you were not traveling and you and family were on the Southside causing chaos. Saw it happen. Don’t fib.”

Mama Grizzly Bore™? Lie? Uh huh..
Oh for the love of the Baby Jeebus ... Lindsay Lohan is getting sued again, and now she's taking her younger brother, the sadly named Michael Lohan Jr., down with her.

On the heels of being released from Rehab #7 last year, and just before heading into Rehab #8, AKA the Oprah Cure, the two Lohans started working with techie Fima Potik on an app called Spotted Friend, which would basically allow people to poke around Lohan’s closet and see what she wears … or where she hides her drugs … something. 

Lindsay even began promoting the app on Twitter last Spring, after being sprung from Oprah-hab, but then, like steps 2 through 12 of her Twelve Step Program, she quickly lost interest and began focusing on something shiny ... possibly an airplane bottle of Ketel One in a gutter somewhere.

So, Michael Jr. decided to try his hand at the app game one more time and launched a virtual shopping app called Vigme; he described it as a “social shopping community” where people can look in his sister’s virtual closet — my eyes — and and buy the kinds of high end hooker things Lindsay sports around town and under bars.

But, um, Fima Potik realized that Vigme is really just Spotted Friend with a new name and so a cease-and-desist letter was sent to Lindsay and Junior informing them to knock it off or else. And, of course, Lindsay responded to the cease-and-desist by getting her attorney, Mark Heller — the same guy she fired a couple of years ago because he couldn’t keep her out of jail — who said this:

“Allegations of any impropriety in Lindsay Lohan’s business relationship concerning this Web site are inaccurate and clearly designed to capitalize on her worldwide recognition as a fashion icon.”

Okay, first off, it sounds like Junior came up with the new copycat app, and Lindsay had nothing to do with it, so she may be in the clear … this time. But, seriously. Her.Worldwide.Recognition.As.A.Fashion.Icon?

Note to Lohan and her team of ambulance-chasers: leggings and side boob are not fashion. Check every street corner, look at every prostitute, and you'll see leggings and side boob.
How would we live without Paltrow?

I mean, according to her favorite news source, Gwyneth Paltrow, Gwyneth Paltrow is the best at everything. Every.Thing. I mean, her divorce is a sweet little conscious uncoupling; she’s the best friend ever and now, yes, friends, Gwyneth Paltrow is staking a claim as the best at … wait for it … making the bed. Seriously.

Paltrow recently turned Goop.com a step-by-step tutorial called “Making The Perfect Bed” and, well, here it is:

1. Fitted sheet first, preferably out of a medium-heat dryer. Don’t let them sit or they’ll just become more wrinkled. Start with top corners and move down to the bottom, pressing out the wrinkles with your hands as you go. Try to buy fitted sheets where the elastic wraps around the whole base of the mattress, not just the corners.

2. Place the flat sheet on next, squaring it evenly to give yourself enough slack for whatever cuff size you prefer. (If you like a modern look, make a wider, 10″-16″ cuff on the turn-down fold. If you like a more traditional look, 6″-10″ is the perfect cuff width.) If you don’t want your sheets too tight, lay two to three pillows down the midline before placing the sheet.

3. Place whatever blanket you are going to use over the fitted sheet and square it. I like to tuck the end of the bed under first. It makes for a neater view when approaching the bed on entrance. Then, pull the sides taught and fold them under. Otherwise, if you fold the base last and have a thicker blanket it can create havoc for the sides.

4. For a duvet, place the cover on right out of the dryer and shake it out. Pull all four corners taut. If you want your down comforter to look fluffier, go down a size for the duvet cover, i.e., place a king duvet in a queen-sized cover.
Wow. I mean, how have I been making beds all these years without The Paltrow Method? How has anyone been able to look at a freshly made bed and not want to tear it to shreds because it had gone horribly wrong?

Thank you, Gwyneth, thank you.

Next up, she’ll teach us how to wipe our asses …. On 3,000-thread count Egyptian cotton toilet paper.
So, after Matt Lauer pushed Ann Curry in front of a cross-town bus a couple of years ago so he could get his ALLEGED side-piece a gig on the Today Show, how does NBC handle him?

NBC treats him to a helicopter ride to and from his home in the Hamptons to the Today show set up to three times a week because they’re afraid he’ll quit. I know!

A source — and it might be Dina trying to score a gig as Kathie Lee Gifford’s permanent drunken replacement during The Fourth Hour — says that after Ann Curry’s messy departure in 2012, NBC was terrified that Darling Matt might take his man-whoring to another network so they basically handed him a blank check and some yellow legal pads upon which to write his demands.

Like a $20 million a year paycheck and a helicopter to transport his ever-balding head into the office a few times each week even though he has an apartment in Manhattan that he could stay at.

A rep for Today — hoping to keep the show from looking like Matt’s pimp — says:

“On rare occasions, Matt will fly home, but most of the time you’ll find him stuck in traffic on the Long Island Expressway with everyone else.”

Like everyone else, he sometimes takes the LIE, though when he’s not in the mood, they whisk him upstairs in the Matt Lauer Express Elevator™ to the Matt Lauer Helipad™ where he boards The Matt Lauer Helicopter™, piloted by Trixie Von Layme, and is flown home.
Taylor Swift loves to write songs about her life; she’s written about the boyfriend who dumped … I kid … the boyfriends who’ve dumped her; the kitten that scratched her; the hair ribbon that just wouldn’t stay tied. You know highly personal stuff. 

And now she’s done it again with “Bad Blood” about a female singer that’s mean to her. Rumors swirled that it was Demi Lovato or Rihanna, but now it seems quite clear it’s Katy Perry.

Of the backstabbing bitch, er, bad friend, Swifty told Rolling Stone:

“For years, I was never sure if we were friends or not. She would come up to me at awards shows and say something and walk away, and I would think, ‘Are we friends, or did she just give me the harshest insult of my life?’ [Then last year] she did something so horrible. I was like, ‘Oh, we’re just straight-up enemies.’ And it wasn’t even about a guy! It had to do with business. She basically tried to sabotage an entire arena tour. She tried to hire a bunch of people out from under me. And I’m surprisingly non-confrontational – you would not believe how much I hate conflict. So now I have to avoid her. It’s awkward, and I don’t like it.”

True story: in 2012, Katy Perry hired a bunch of dancers away from Taylor Swift, so that’s the feud; that’s the horrible thing. Katy Perry saw some dancers and said, Hey, you wanna come dance for me and they did and then TayTay got her grannies panties twisted and suddenly it’s a song. And for her part, Katy Perry is now playing along, Tweeting this:

‘Watch out for the Regina George [from Mean Girls] in sheep’s clothing.’

Which implies that Tay’s the Mean Girl, eh? But, and this seems more plausible, maybe the feud isn’t over dancers, but over that singing STD, John Mayer, who schtupped dated both girls. TayTay and Mayer had a love affair in 2010 before he dumped her and she released the song “Dear John”.  In 2012, KayKay started dating Mayer, who said he was “really humiliated” by Swift’s song and that was when Perry started making digs at Taylor … until DancerGate.

And that really seems to have put the nail in the coffin of these pop diva-lite’s friendship because one of the dancer’s, Lockhart Brownlie, confirms that it was Katy who tried to sabotage TayTay’s Red tour. Brownlie says he first toured with Perry on her Part of Me tour and when that gig ended he and two other dancers auditioned for the Red job:

“I was with Taylor for the first six months. It was a great experience and she’s a great person to work with, but then Katy contacted us. … Obviously we were with Katy for 2 1/2 years, she’s like family to us, so we were, like, absolutely.”

Hell hath no fury like an auto-tuned-pop-star-whose-dancers-are-stolen-away’s fury.

Friday, September 12, 2014

PR 13 Ep8: Some Made It Rain While Others Were All Wet

So, it looks like we’ve come to the non-evening gown part of the season, thankfully, because now is the time for something new; real new. As we start the show — forgetting about everyone bemoaning the loss of forgettable Samantha from last week — Heidi and Tim appear on the catwalk alongside the Samsung Curved Ultra HD TV and inform the designers that this will be the avant-garde challenge.

Take the TV apart and make a dress on which you can watch your favorite show? No …because:

Avant-garde - noun, 1. new and unusual or experimental ideas, especially in the arts, or the people introducing them; 2. favoring or introducing experimental or unusual ideas

The designtestants must create an avant-garde look as “innovative” as the TV and one that wows the judges from every angle. In addition to the curvy wow factor — and here comes the real new part — is the addition of water as this week’s show takes place not on a runway, but a rainway!

I see slipping sliding models … could be fun!

The designtestants have a $300 budget and two days to complete the task so let’s rip ….
THE SAFES
ALEXANDER 
Let’s face it; it’s a poncho, a see-thru vinyl poncho with some pretty purple vinyl flowers on it. Meh.

AMANDA 
Talk about a stretch of an idea: Cleopatra watching the Nile flood her beloved Egypt and her eye makeup runs. And that ridiculousness translated into a dress made of eyes … that started to fall off in the rain. It was cringe-worthy.

CHAR
I liked the hat. The rest? Not so much.
THE TOP TWO
SEAN Gosh, he’s just so adorable and then, to top that off, he really, really, thinks outside the rain bonnet. He wants to make a dress with dye in the seams that, when it gets wet, it will change colors. Very cool; very Katniss Everdeen in Hunger Games.

Very daring. Tim, like the other designers, and most of the TV audience, is dubious that the idea will work, especially when Sean doesn’t even try it out first. But then, what was he supposed to do, run out onto 5th Avenue, hoping it’s raining, with a mock-up dress lined with dye? This could be bad.

WHAT HE SAID
She immediately begins to change color when she spins. Wow.

WHAT I SAID
What could you say? I replayed this catwalk several times, and each time marveling at the way the colors began to run. Gorgeous. Wow.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
Heidi loved it. She said it was like the dress came alive on the rainway, and called it a unique, special moment. Guest Judge Caitlin Fitzgerald called it an exciting fairy tale and would have loved to wear it during a summer rain. 

The Adorable Zac Posen™ said he thought it was bland at first — it was, after all, just a pretty white dress — and said the colors running could have been a gimmick, but that the risk totally paid off. He called it exceptional. 

Nina Garcia said the dress took her breath away; she loves the way Sean thinks, and how he thought about using the rain tin his design; she called the whole thing a “performance” and loved the vinyl crinoline under the dress that kept the dyes off the model’s skin.

WHAT HAPPENED
While Heidi and Caitlin think Kini should take the top, Nina and The Adorable Zac Posen™ think Sean should win. 

And so, on a roll after a few bad weeks, Sean once again takes Top Honors … with a caveat named Kini.

KINI
I like Kini, but I’m getting tired of his I should win attitude. I mean, sure, you want to win, but he thinks every week he should win, even when he’s a Bottom Skimmer like last week.

So, yeah, this week he steps it up and decides to create an upside-down umbrella skirt; he shows a wild, wide hat in his design, as well. Tim, while loving the concept, steers Kini away from a gimmicky embellishment idea about the handle of the umbrella running up the model’s back; good work, Mr. Gunn.

WHAT HE SAID
I feel like my design really steps out of the box. I feel like I took it to the next level.

WHAT I SAID
It’s like the Wicked Witch of the West in a New Oz. It’s kind of fetish-looking, but cool. I wished, though, that he’d used his original idea for the hat.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
Heidi called it avant-garde, and a clever idea; and she was amazed by the sleeve-gloves. Caitlin said it was dominatrix-esque, but could also be a great Red Carpet look if it was toned down a bit; she also, thought the hat seemed more like an accident. The Adorable Zac Posen™ called it a Smurf hat but also just gushed about the look … You are so talented. You have such a skillful hand. You have great technique. It's a combination of Michelle Harper, a little McQueen in there -- it was so impactful when it came out … You brought it today. Big time. Settle, Zac, settle. 

Nina called the look both sublime and dramatic, and said Kini also used the rain well; she liked the hat, especially since it kept the rain off the model’s face—Nina doesn’t want a model to drown on the catwalk unless she makes it happen!

WHAT HAPPENED
Kini finally got his win, even though he shared it with Sean.
THE TOP MEH
SANDHYA 
She wants a dress based on the old TV color test pattern, so she buys bright fabrics, makes strips of them, and then sews them together to make a striped jumpsuit. On top of that she puts a clear vinyl coat-vest-poncho covered with silver pinwheels of varying sizes that will, hopefully, spin in the rain. Lastly, she dangles some shiny pieces along the bottom.

Can you say It’s a bit much?

Tim worries that it is, and Sandhya just smiles and carries on. I don’t think she ever really listens to critiques and that can be a good thing ... because then the look is all in her own voice ... or a bad thing ... because then the look is all in her own voice.

WHAT SHE SAID
It’s a little brighter than I thought it would be and the pinwheels are not moving as much.

WHAT I SAID
It’s a costume. A clown costume. I do like the front of the coat-vest-poncho … just the front, and just the top half.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
Heidi said it was happy and fun and totally Sandhya — to which Sandhya responded that she only wants to show her style, her brand. The Adorable Zac Posen™ likes that she has a strong signature style — but is that good or bad, Zac? 

Caitlin wished the jumpsuit had been better constructed but she loved the texture of the pinwheels, though not the “dangly bits.” Nina liked it, but also called it Children Circus and wished that Sandhya would heed the advice of Coco Chanel and, before letting it loose on the runway, take at least one thing off.

WHAT HAPPENED
She’s just safe, and only because she definitely has her own POV. Weird as that may be.
THE LUCKY SHE HAS IMMUNITY
KORINA
She’s riding high after last week’s well-deserved win, and has a grand idea of creating a look inspired by the Thunderbird character: a mythical creature whose wings were so large, they clapped like thunder when the bird flew. It’s a great idea, and right in her Native American wheelhouse, but then … she second guesses the look, probably because it’s a two day challenge, and scales it back dramatically; and badly.

WHAT SHE SAID
The lights bring out all the brightness in the vinyl and the silver and gold are popping.

WHAT I SAID
It’s an LBD [Little Black Dress] with a silver harness and grasshopper wings. #epicfail

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
Heidi is not impressed, calling the LBD just a random choice, and calling the top flimsy. Caitlin wondered if it would have been better to use actual metal, and rivets, rather than the vinyl; it would look stronger, she said As it stands, it’s just a Halloween costume. 

Nina said it had the potential to be great but it’s unfinished and the bottom half looks like some fabric is missing. The Adorable Zac Posen™ summed it up with this: You’re lucky you have immunity.

WHAT HAPPENED
She dodged a bullet; an actual bullet, I think, because this was a mess.
THE BOTTOM TWO
EMILY 
She begins thinking of armor to protect the girl from the rain, but then she switches to cat-suit armor, and ends up with bustier armor and a skull cap with a pony tail sticking through it.

Seriously.

Tim worried that it mike look a little too R2D2 … 2 R2D2? … or fetish-y, though he had no such complaints about Kini’s much more fetish-y look.

WHAT SHE SAID
You can really see a lot of … like … curves and cool shapes. It’s clear and it’s really well-made.

WHAT I SAID
It’s Madonna on the Like A Virgin Tour. It looks like a bustier wearing, armored bug … or Madonna.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
:::crickets::: 

Finally Heidi tosses it to The Adorable Zac Posen™ who says it isn’t successful; it’s a cliché of a fashion show; it’s not well-sculpted; it’s flimsy. Then he handed it off to Caitlin who loved the way the rain played on the shoulder pads, but thought the wide open boob cups looked water catchers; she added that the whole look didn’t seem cohesive and had far too many ideas, like the gloves! 

Nina said it looked modern, if this was 2004 … or 1984 Madonna? She also called it cliché and predictable. We ended back at Heidi who offered this high praise: I didn’t hate it as much as the others.

WHAT HAPPENED
A close call, but Emily gets saved to make another outdated look next week.

FADE
He gets the Cry Edit this week; the I’m Lonely Edit; and the I Don’t Know What To Do Edit. So, it was fairly clear what was about to happen.

Fade struggles to come up with an unexpected avant-garde design, but nothing's working; he says avant-garde doesn’t have to be loud or big or crazy, but Tim reminds him that it does have to be good and well-executed. But what needed executing was his dress. He riffed off the Samsung and put an actual Play Button on the model’s chest and then ran yellow stripes down and around like a circuit board.

And then he got the cringe-inducing call home where he was crying so much he could hardly speak, and ended the call saying he’d be home soon. He knew what was about to happen.

WHAT HE SAID
My look holds up well under the water. I am proud of it.

WHAT I SAID
WTF is this? It’s like a t-shirt dress you can buy on a beach boardwalk and then, when you get home, throw away because it wasn’t worth $19.95.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
Nina pointed out that the Play Button wasn’t modern or techie, and called the look a pajama; like she calls pants a ‘pant,’ she calls pajamas a ‘pajama’. She also thought it was too gimmicky. 

Heidi said it wasn’t a strong look, and agreed with Fade that avant-garde doesn’t need to be loud, but should be better constructed; she said the circuit board looked like a subway map, called it a snooze and hated the silhouette. 

Caitlin liked the graphic nature of the look but said it didn’t jibe with the rain motif at all. The Adorable Zac Posen™ said it was neither electric nor new.

WHAT HAPPENED
Fade out. See what I did there?
MY TAKE
I loved this challenge because it really separated the great designers — Sean and Kini — from the crap designers — Korina and Fade; and it proved that Amanda has no reason to be there. And I loved that they tried something new, with the rainway; next up: The Jell-O-way? The Spaghetti-way?

Speaking of Amanda, I get so tired of her saying every single mother%ing week that each look is Very me. Um, it’s supposed to be that way so you don’t get extra points. Plus, you aren’t creative, you just speak creatively … make that egotistically.

Alexander keeps getting voted the Fan Favorite and I keep wondering why. His designs aren’t really that great — though he does, occasionally have a good idea. And, Alexander? Close your mouth. That gaping maw annoys me and makes me wonder if you suffer from PDS … Puff Daddy Syndrome, AKA P Diddy Syndrome, AKA close your mouth.

Sean took a huge risk this week and I cannot think of the last time I was truly wowed watching the runway. Sure it was a gimmick, but it totally rocked the challenge. Plus I loved the idea that it first looked like a pretty [boring] white dress and then BAM!!

Apparently this episode sets up the next round of Sandhya hate. The show played out the other designers hating on her, after many were accused of being too McQueen … not Steve, but Alexander … and she said she never, ever references other designers because she has her own voice. And she does, and she said so on the runway before the backstage drama began But, we get next week of Sandhya crying into her pillow begging for compassion so … yeah ...the Hatefest begins again.

That said, I'm now thinking Sean and Kini at The Tents, with Sandhya, too, because she'd put on a show.

The Adorable Zac Posen™’s ‘fake’ fight with Heidi was the gayest thing ever. I didn’t know if he was pretending to punch her or ask her to a dance-off.

I’d never heard of Caitlin Fitzgerald, and I am a Proud Gay Man™ but, damn, she was hot in that Jessica-Lange-Could-Be-Crazy kinda way. Plus, her critiques were good and snarky and, yes, spot on.

What did YOU think?