Why Is It ...

… that I really really really want to put that big “Ahhhaaaaaaahhh” from Defying Gravity on my phone so that when I’m in a conversation and someone says something annoying I can play it and then pretend to fly away.

.… that people don’t understand that while I seem real laid back, I lean forward pretty quickly.

… that I feel grateful for my resting bitch face because it has saved me from so many conversations I wanted no part of.

… that I will cook rice one grain at a time before I worry about someone not speaking to me

… that I say “Morning” instead of “Good morning” because if it was a Good Morning I’d still be in bed asleep instead of talking to people.

… that what other people call “Holding grudges,” I call, “I saw who you are and I am not unseeing it.”

… that no one heeds my warning label: May bite before coffee … and maybe after, too.

… that people need to learn that we cannot hang out if they’re going to cry when the cops put us in handcuffs.

… that most people don’t realize they’re the reason there are directions on shampoo bottles.

… that my brain just logged me out due to inactivity and now I can’t remember my password.

… that right after I say, “Since we’re being funny …” one of my friends always removes me from the room.