I Ain't One To Gossip But ... Olivia and Joan

I do love a feud, and one that lasted 96 years is, well, fabulous ...

So, we know that Olivia de Havilland died last week, shortly after her 104th birthday. Other things we know about OdH is that she didn’t suffer fools at all; she was well known for feuds … one, a lifelong feud with her sister, fellow actress Joan Fontaine, and one feud with Feud creator, Ryan Murphy, over his Feud: Bette and Joan TV show. OdH didn’t like the way she was portrayed in that production, though, for me, it had less to do with Murphy and more to do with the fact that aging cardboard “actress.” Catherine Zeta Jones portrayed de Havilland. But, we’re here to  talk sisters, Olivia v Joan … Fontaine.

De Havilland didn’t just hold a grudge against Fontaine because the latter won an Oscar for Best Actress in 1942—in a category for which they were both nominated. Their sibling rivalry began many years earlier and was OdH’s greatest battle.

It all stemmed from their mother’s marriage to one George Fontaine, after their father left the family for his mistress. Olivia didn’t like stepdaddy, but Joan did. In her 1978 autobiography No Bed of Roses—which Olivia dubbed No Shred of Truth—Joan says Olivia didn’t like sharing anything, even a stepfather she didn’t like, with Joan, who felt Olivia was favored by their mother.

And so, the feud … rumor has it that, at age nine, Joan decided she would kill Olivia. She thought it all out carefully: she would let Olivia hit her once, and then again, in silence. But after the third blow, she would hit Olivia right between the eyes, and then plead self-defense. Perhaps it has something to do with a school project Olivia was given a year earlier, when she was nine, and was asked to write out a will and what she might leave to whom; Olivia wrote:

“I bequeath all my beauty to my younger sister, Joan, since she has none.”

Joan loved to slap Olivia, who in turn loved hair pulling. Joan also says that older sister Olivia would tear up her outgrown clothes so Joan wouldn’t get the hand-me-downs. The hatred even manifested itself physically in 1933, when a 17-year-old Olivia broke Joan’s collarbone by pushing her into a swimming pool and then jumping on her.

A few years later, when Joan returned home from spending a couple of years with their ex-pat father in Japan, she found Olivia on the verge of a Hollywood career and decided she wanted the same thing; Olivia tried to convince their mother, and Joan, that the younger sister should be sent to boarding school instead!

But Joan won that battle and was soon living in Hollywood with Mama and Olivia, who was, by then, under contract with Warner Brothers. Olivia kept Joan from getting a deal with Warner’s and even suggested that Joan change her name because there was room for only one de Havilland in Hollywood. She encouraged Joan to take their stepfather’s last name—an idea Joan hated until a fortune teller told her that she needed a stage name ending in "e" to achieve success—and that’s how Joan de Havilland became Joan Fontaine.

And after the name change Olivia de Havilland would say:

"Joan Fontaine. I don't know who she is."

And the sisters' rivalry played out in full view of the world at the 1942 Academy Awards ceremony where both Olivia and Joan were nominated for Best Actress; Olivia for Hold Back the Dawn and Joan for Suspicion. Olivia was expected to win, but Joan got the Oscar instead and ignored her sister’s congratulations when she went to collect her statuette. Joan would later claim she was terrified of that win:

“I felt Olivia would spring across the table and grab me by the hair.”

And then she added:

"You can divorce your sister as well as your husbands. I don’t see her at all, and I don’t intend to. I got married first, got an Academy Award first, had a child first. If I die, she’ll be furious, because again I’ll have got there first!"

Olivia had a different take:

“On my part, it was always loving, but sometimes estranged and, in the later years, severed. Dragon Lady, as I eventually decided to call her, was a brilliant, multi-talented person, but with an astigmatism in her perception of people and events which often caused her to react in an unfair and even injurious way.”

And so, naturally, in 1947, when Olivia won her Oscar for To Each His Own, she snubbed Joan, although it wasn’t for Joan’s Oscar snub, it was for what Joan said publicly about Olivia’s new husband, novelist Marcus Goodrich:

"All I know about him is that he’s had four wives and written one book. Too bad it’s not the other way around."

Gosh, I love a good catty bitch. And yet I don’t know which one I’d want to sit next to more …

In 1939, producer David O. Selznick wanted to cast Olivia in Alfred Hitchcock's Rebecca but she was still under contract at Warner Bros. Selznick reportedly asked Olivia:

"Would you mind if I take your sister?"

Ouch. But then turnabout … and what seemed, on paper, as can act of kindness. Joan was offered the role of Melanie in Gone with the Wind, but turned it down and suggested Olivia get the part instead, although in a rather backhanded way; Joan said:

“George Cukor [who initially directed the film, said] I wore some rather chic clothes. He said, ‘Oh you’re much too stylish for the role that I want you to do.’ And I said, ‘Well, what about my sister?’ And he said, ‘Who’s your sister?’ I explained. And he said, ‘Thank you.’ And that’s how Olivia got that role.”

Yes, she got her sister the part by suggesting Olivia was not as chic or beautiful. But then Olivia got the last laugh that time because when she was nominated for an Oscar for the role of Melanie, she never acknowledged Joan’s assistance.

In the 1950s, de Havilland left Hollywood for France where she spent the rest of her life; but even in retirement, the sisters did not get along. When their mother passed in 1975, Olivia tried blocking Joan from attending the memorial service, until Joan threatened to take the story to the press. Suddenly she was on the guest list, though the sisters avoided each at the memorial. The only contact they had that day was when Olivia passed their mother’s urn to Joan so she could scatter a handful of her ashes.

In 1979, Joan and Olivia both attended the Oscars, though they sat at opposite ends of the stage. In 1989, they were both staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel at the same time, in adjacent rooms, and when Fontaine learned of this, she checked out immediately.

Joan Fontaine said of Olivia:

“I remember not one act of kindness from Olivia all through my childhood. She so hated the idea of having a sibling she wouldn’t go near my crib.”

And Olivia said of Joan:

“On my part, it was always loving, but sometimes estranged and, in the later years, severed,” de Havilland once said of their relationship. “Dragon Lady, as I eventually decided to call her, was a brilliant, multi-talented person, but with an astigmatism in her perception of people and events which often caused her to react in an unfair and even injurious way.”

And now, in 2020, Olivia has left us, and perhaps the feud is over, and they are sharing a laugh over a flute of champagne … at opposite ends of Heaven ...or wherever they are.

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Well, the looooooooong legal battle between Olivia de Havilland and Ryan Murphy that started last year when OdH went nuts over Catherine Zeta-Jones’ portrayal of her in Feud: Bette and Joan is finally over.

It all began when OdH thought that Murphy painted her to be some kind of gossipy, catty bitch—which she is/was when it came to her sister Joan Fontaine—and OdH didn’t like the look, so she sued. That case was thrown out of Los Angeles Superior Court and they sent it to the California Case of Appeals and they threw it out, and OdH then took it to the California Supreme Court and they threw it out and so OdH took it to the Supreme Court of the United States.

And … big surprise … SCOTUS has refused to review the case and gave no reason.

Um, because it was dumb, and a waste of time and they could think of a million other ways for 102-year-old OdH to spend her time?

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Speaking of feuds … while we all know that lifestyle mavens Martha Stewart and Gwyneth Paltrow loathe each other, are they really that much different? Both blond; both wound far too tightly; both think their way is the best way. Both like to use steam …

We all know Paltrow is a proponent of using Vaginal Steaming to clean out your nether regions, fallopian tubes and eggs, if you got ‘em, while Martha likes to steam actual eggs using a cappuccino machine.

See, not so different at all.

Recently, Martha appeared in Food Network promo for a guest stint as a judge on Chopped and shared her method for making scrambled eggs using the steamer attachment on a cappuccino machine.

Cue Paltrow, who’s set to find a way to use a cappuccino machine to Steam the Hoo-Haw.

Just don’t hurt yourself when you fall off the counter.

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Uh oh, maybe you should dump your Amazon stock since Amazon Gazillionaire Jeff Bezos is divorcing his wife of 25 years and she may end up with half of his $145 billion fortune and half his Amazon stock.

Jeff married MacKenzie in the 90s and she was right by his side as Amazon grew to the behemoth it is today and she was happy as a clam …until Jeff took a shine to one Lauren Sanchez, the couple’s neighbor.

I sure hope Lauren gets a prenup if she marries Bezos since after the divorce he might only be worth $70 billion.

PS Bezos clearly has a type because MacKenzie and Lauren could be sisters.

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Apparently, on the heels of a couple of Golden Globes, someone, some people, in Hollywood don’t want to see Green Book take any Oscars. I mean, how else to explain the dragging those associated with the film are being taken on.

First up, apparently Green Book‘s producer-screenwriter Nick Vallelonga Tweeted his agreement with _____ about ______’s lie that he saw Muslims in New Jersey cheering the downing of the World Trade Center buildings.

Vallelonga deleted his Twitter account.

But now, someone has unearthed an old story about Green Book director Peter Farrelly which claimed he liked to expose himself. He ALLEGEDLY sexually harassed Cameron Diaz this way, and ALLEGEDLY did the same with other women and men. And I probably didn’t need the ALLEGEDLY because Farrelly is now apologizing for flashing his penis in an attempt to be “funny”:

“True. I was an idiot. I did this decades ago and I thought I was being funny and the truth is I’m embarrassed and it makes me cringe now. I’m deeply sorry.”

Lemme think on that because, if Farrelly was just some Joe on the street who flashed his goods, he’d have been arrested so, yeah, not a joke.

Still, I will give him props for not gifting us with a faux-pology, where he says, “Sorry, if you were offended.”

At least he isn’t Lady Gaga …

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One would have thought, that as a survivor of sexual assault, Lady Gaga would distance herself from those people with an ALLEGED history of being a perv, but I guess Gaga only does it now because she’s thirsty for an Oscar nomination.

It all goes back to the song Gaga wrote and recorded with ALLEGED child-pornographer R. Kelly back in 2014 years after ALLEGATIONS surfaced about Kelly’s predatory predilections. I mean, even I’d heard the tales about Kelly, but Gaga never  said a word until now, as she turned down a request to be interviewed for that R. Kelly documentary, and now she’s all aghast.

And I call bull shiz. That R. Kelly story, and others, were around long before Gaga slipped into some meat and called herself a star, and now that more and more and sicker R. Kelly stories are coming to light, she’s jumping on the bandwagon to show her disgust.

And all because she wants a little gold statue. I guess losing the Globe to Glenn Close really shook Gaga and she scoured her past for some way to score points.

I ain’t buying it, Lady.

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It's Snarkurday!

She wrote a book called ‘Class with the Countess’, but it looks like Luann de Lesseps forgot the chapter on getting arrested with class.

Yup, the RHoNY “star” was arrested in Palm Beach, Florida last Sunday morning on charges of disorderly intoxication, battery of an officer, resisting arrest and making threats against a public servant. The former countess, who divorced her soulmate this year after seven months of bliss, ALLEGEDLY slammed a door, kicked a police officer and shrieked:

“I’m going to fucking kill you all.”

During her court appearance on Sunday, the judge strongly advised Drunky de Lesseps to hire a defense attorney rather than ignore the charges, saying:

“I don’t think it would be that hard to find you.”

The “Countess” left Florida for New York at once and isn’t speaking to the press. She’s busy writing an addendum to her book on how to graciously threaten to murder police officers.

PS Lu has since apologized, sort of, via Twitter:

“I want to offer my most sincere apologies to anyone that I might have offended with my behavior. This was my first time in Palm Beach since my wedding and being here brought up buried emotions. I am committed to a transformative and hopeful 2018.”

Yup, she’s blaming the wedding last January for her behavior 11 months later. That’s class, minus the cl especially when you hear the rest of the story …

It seems Luann de Drunkenness was discovered getting her groove on with an unnamed man in room 407 at the Colony hotel in Palm Beach just as a maid was finishing turn-down service.

Trouble was, Luann was registered in room 327, so neither she nor the man she was with, in bed, were supposed to be in that room. And so, a security guard was called, and he ALLEGEDLY tried for five minutes to get the two drunks to leave and when they didn’t he called the police.

When the police arrived, Luann de Drunkenness had locked herself in the bathroom and was refusing to come out. The security guard used his key to open the door, and Luann shoved one officer in the chest and slammed the door on him.

That’s when she was wrestled down and into cuffs, and just before, as she was being escorted off property, she slipped free from the cuffs and shouted:

“I’m going to fucking kill you all.”

Such class, getting so drunk and so horny that she takes her conquest to a different room, on a different floor than hers and tries to bang him on someone else’s bed.

Take the ‘o’ out of countess, Luann.

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And speaking of “stars” and bad behavior, Lainie Kazan was also arrested last weekend for shoplifting.

On Christmas Eve, 77-year-old Kazan—best known as Toula’s mom in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and Andrea Zuckerman’s grandma on Beverly Hills, 90210 and Grace Adler’s Aunt on Will & Grace—was handcuffed by the cops and taken down to the station on a petty theft charge after leaving a Gelson’s in the San Fernando Valley with a cart full of groceries she didn’t pay for.

Kazan ALLEGEDLY filled reusable bags with $180 worth of food and was stopped by an employee who called the police. Kazan said she didn’t pay for the groceries because she didn’t have any money.

Oooooh. Man, life would have been better for me had I known that was a ‘thing’ when I was in college.

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Since we have kind of a theme going here, you know, jail birds, let’s keep going with my favorite ex-convict, Lindsay Lohan.

It seems Lohan owes Uncle Sam some $100,000 for unpaid taxes, but, in true Lohan fashion, she is blaming someone, anyone, anyone, Bueller, for the mistake and says she, Lindsay Motherf**king Lohan, is launching an investigation into her management firm to nab the culprit. Lohan ALLEGEDLY believes the team, and specifically one manager on that team, improperly handled her money.

Huh, an investigation into tax fraud by Lohan? I have more faith in OJ’s Hunt For The Real Killers mission.

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Last summer, Olivia de Havilland sued FX and Feud creator Ryan Murphy for using her likeness in the show without her permission; she also took a few potshots at Catherine Zeta-Jones over the latter’s portrayal of her. 

Well, the 101-year-old de Havilland asked a court to speed up the case because, well, she’s 101 years old and … yeah … but Murphy’s side argued that their depiction of Olivia was protected under the First Amendment and so they didn’t have to contact her for her “side” of the story.

And now de Havilland has smacked back. Her attorney argues that supporting Ryan and FX’s “First Amendment” logic would give docudrama creators unfair immunity, pointing to a specific scene where Olivia [CZJ] gossips about Bette and Joan, something the real Olivia would never do:

“Appellants [Murphy and FX] acted with reckless or intentional disregard for the truth or falsity of the challenged statements. … In that fake interview, Respondent gossips and makes negative comments about Davis and Crawford’s personal lives. Evidence that defendant made up a fake interview that never happened is grounds for a defamation claim … Respondent giving other interviews during her career about other subjects does not make the statements attributed to Respondent’ any less false. Mixing fact and falsehood makes the conduct worse, not better.”

I said it before, and will say it again, I think Feud: Olivia and Ryan has a place on FX, if this lawsuit ever ends!

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“Dr.” Phil is a quack. There; I said it.

Anyone who has ever watched his show knows that he is less doctor and more “doctor” whose show seems intent on exploiting people rather than helping them. And now, according to an investigation published by The Boston Globe’s STAT News, the “doctor” is ALLEGEDLY guilty of encouraging his guests to get fucked-up before they walk on stage.

You.Don’t.Say.

STAT spoke with several former guests, including former Survivor winner Todd Herzog, who appeared on an episode in 2013 to deal with alcoholism. Herzog was so drunk on camera, which begs the question why have him on, that he had to be physically carried onto the set by his family and “Dr.” Phil. But Todd says he wasn’t drunk when he got to the studio, and says he was told to wait in the greenroom where a bar was set up; and where he drank all the vodka. Todd also claims a “Dr.” Phil staff member gave him a Xanax to “calm his nerves.”  So, was it really a big surprise that when Todd came out onstage “Dr.” Phil gave him a breathalyzer and Todd blew more than three times the legal limit?

And ratings went up? And Todd isn’t the only one; other former guests ALLEGE that the show left them, unsupervised, in hotel rooms for 48-hours before they came on the show, and they say this caused them to turn to old habits like drugs and drink while they waited to see the bald-headed jack ass.

When one guest named Jordan started itching for heroin, a producer ALLEGEDLY directed her to Skid Row in Los Angeles. Another guest named Kaitlin, who was six months pregnant at the time, began to detox while waiting for her episode taping, so Kaitlin, her mom, and a show went shopping for a dealer.

I mean, if you’re doing a show on abuse, the guests must be clearly abusing drugs, right?

STAT also investigated the ALLEGEDLY shady Origins Behavioral HeathCare, “Dr.” Phil’s go-to rehab centers. Origins was founded in 2009 by Dr. Phil’s graduate school mentor Frank Lawlis, who has been an advisor to the show since it began in 2002. “Dr.” Phil sends many of the shows addicts to Origins, but he and his show don’t feel there is a conflict of interest at all.

Go figure. But there’s more; “Dr.” Phil’s son, Jay McGraw, recently launched a virtual reality rehab program called “Dr.” Phil’s Path to Recovery that rehab centers have purchased for monthly rates between $3,500 and $7000.

Nothing to see there, right?

“Dr.” Phil had no comment for the story; and Martin Greenberg, a psychologist who serves as Dr. Phil’s director of professional affairs, also had nothing to say. But it clearly looks like the fat bald bastard exploits his guests to line his own pockets and those of his friends and family.

Who didn’t see that coming?

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It's Snarkurday!

Olivia de Havilland is turned 101 last weekend and is still up for a feud, just not Ryan Murphy’s Feud: Bette & Joan.

That series was the story of the infamous Bette Davis and Joan Crawford feud that came to a boil when they did Whatever Happened to Baby Jane together and featured a series Hollywood stars giving fictional interviews about Bette and Joan at a 1970s Oscar ceremony.

Olivia de Havilland was played by Catherine Zeta-Jones as a class act—even whilst referring to her own legendary feud with her “bitch sister,” actress Joan Fontaine—and even though CZJ’s portrayal was positive, er, bland, De Havilland is not a happy lady.

De Havilland filed suit in LA this week saying that Murphy’s FX drama Feud portrayed her as a Hollywood gossip, something De Havilland claims she’s gone out of her way to avoid during her long career. And she is especially miffed that her “likeness” was included in the series without her consent and so she’s suing Ryan Murphy Productions and FX for invasion of privacy, unjust enrichment and infringement of common law right of publicity:

“Miss de Havilland was not asked by FX for permission to use her name and identity and was not compensated for such use. Further, the FX series puts words in the mouth of Miss de Havilland which are inaccurate and contrary to the reputation she has built over an 80-year professional life, specifically refusing to engage in gossip mongering about other actors in order to generate media attention for herself.”

Olivia, who lives in Paris these days, sent a letter to The Hollywood Reporter back in April explaining that she’d never seen the show and had no intention of ever watching it, though she’s clearly changed her mind about that ... hence the lawsuit.

And the request for a large stack of coins as a result.

I cannot wait for Feud: Olivia & Ryan.

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Robert Downey Jr. has been playing Iron Man for nearly ten years across eight movies including the new Spider-Man: Homecoming; he’ll also appear in two more Avenger movies, but maybe RDJr is looking to end the run ...

“I just want to hang up my jersey before it’s embarrassing.”

Um, to be fair, these superhero films aren’t my cup of tea and I haven’t seen one since the first Iron Man came out, but ten films?

G’head and turn in the jersey RDJr. I mean you’re zeroing in on sixty and that’s gotta be tough on brittle bones.

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Oh, how embarrassing it is to be Mariah Carey.

No, it’s not because of that hilariously disastrous New Years Eve performance; and, no, it’s not because she went from a billionaire boyfriend to a back-up dancer boy-toy. It’s because Mimi went out shopping on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills and her credit cards were dee-nied.

Cue eight-octave Whaaaaaaaaaat?

It first happened at Louis Vuitton and she thought it was a mistake, but then it happened three more times.

“Sorry ma’am, but I need to cut up that card.”

Luckily, between her assistant, her manager, her dog carrier, her make-up and hair team, her shoe guy and the team of bodyguards that carry her when she gets tired, Mimi was finally able to make her purchases.

But it may only get worse; it appears that Mariah’s upcoming concert tour with Lionel Richie is experiencing low sales and cancellations, along with most dates being postponed since Richie injured his knee.

Looks like it’ll be a long hot, credit-card-less Summer, unless she gets that palimony case with former fiancé James Packer settled for the .... wait for it ... fifty million bucks she’s requesting.

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Lindsay Lohan took a break from Instagram and Snapchat to focus on her Twitter account where she begged people to leave Donald _____ alone ...a la Chris Crocker demanding the same of us years back about Britney.

Earlier this year, she proved her life is still a mess when she asked that “everyone” support _____ for the good of the country, and now she’s back on the bandwagon, perhaps looking for a cabinet position to fill?

In the Department of High Class Call Girls? I kid ... high class? Uh, no.

But, perhaps Lindsay finally remembered that our President-For-Now told Howard Stern that girls like a Lindsay Lohan are a good fuck.

High praise from one narcissistic tool to another, eh?

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Well, it looks like it was all for show that Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna were trying to work things out because the shiz hit the social media this weekend.

On Instagram, Rob accused Chyna of cheating, scamming, and lying about how she lost the baby weight after she had their daughter Kream Dream.

Rob says he was contacted by a woman who had a child with a rapper named Ferrari and now says Ferrari and Chyna have been doing the nasty ... seriously, it’s got to be nasty ... for months now; and this was while Rob and Chyna were rekindling their Made-For-TV relationship.

So, Rob confronted Ferrari and Chyna, and they denied it but then Ferrari posted a picture of himself in what Rob claims is his bathrobe while lying on Chyna’s bed. Then he went through Chyna’s phone and found more evidence Chyna and Ferrari were schtupping one another and began posting all the nekkid pictures Chyna has sent him over the years ... I’m thinking it numbers in the millions.

Oh how that must have kept Rob busy; I mean, he hasn’t put this much work into anything since That Woman told him to get his sock business off her dining table.

And while his mom and sisters are busy doing anything but taking their brother’s side in his latest feud with his Baby Mama, and again, the woman who is the Baby Mama of his half-sister’s ex-boyfriend, one person did step up:

Rapper T.I. left a comment for Rob on one of his many posts suggesting he keep this private instead of dragging it through the InstagraMud, and so Rob accused T.I. of having a threesome with Chyna and Tiny.

Rob also took it to a subbasement of shame by saying Chyna only got with him because she was mad that Rob’s “little sister took her baby daddy.”

At that point, That Woman squeeed with delight that the Jenner name was dragged into this mess.

Cuz that’s all that matters, you know, not the babies, or the adults acting like children.

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And last of all, because it’s both true and high-larious ...

Annie Lennox has won eight Brit Awards, four Grammys, a Golden Globe, an Oscar and spent decades spent topping music charts and touring around the world and back again, yet just recently an Los Angeles radio station sent her a letter inviting Lennox to send in her latest MP3 single and they’d help her out with her career.

Seriously. Lennox shared the message on social media, but blacked out the station’s name, yet that didn’t stop her fans from commenting on the post speculating which LA-based radio station has a program director named Glenn and a new music coordinator named Kylie. The post racked up more than 2,000 comments just hours after she shared it on Facebook.

Lennox got the last laugh, saying:

“I think I’m in with a chance ??!!!”

Just sayin’ ... Annie Freaking Lennox.

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Architecture Wednesday: Villa in Port D’Andratx

I know, I know. We were in Port D’Andratx, Mallorca, Spain just a couple of months back. So kill me for wanting a little more español  in my houses.

This amazing newly built villa is located above the harbor entrance with the most amazing views. The house is nearly 10,000 square feet with five bedrooms, each with its own en suite, living room with a view, dining area, gourmet kitchen, sauna, fitness room, guest house and an infinity pool

Oh, and you can buy it for $13.3 million dollars … and I’d love to come for a visit.

click to emBIGGERate ...

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