I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Color me stunned! Britney Spears apparently does not sing live during her Las Vegas spectacle, Pieces of me, at least according to those who work for the, um, 'star.'

Britney’s contract for this mess, which pays a reported $15 million a year, demands that she create a spectacle bigger than anything she’d done before, so that people who had seen her "live" before would still be tempted to come.

And so BritBrit tapped Baz Halpin, the show’s creative director, to create elements of fire, water and snow, in a kind of jungle theme--in addition to Doritos, the girl loves some jungle themes. In fact, Halpin even her a tree to jump off of in the middle of the third act; it’s 56,000 pounds and 32 feet high and takes six people to move.

But with all that Adam Leber, Brit's manager, says she does not sing live because, well, it's hard:

“To put on the show that she puts on, it’s virtually impossible to sing the entire time and do what she does. She’s singing on every song, basically, when she has the ability to sing. There’s no way you can dance for 90 minutes straight and sing the entire time.”

Huh, so BritBrit prances around a Vegas stage lip-synching to her old songs and pockets $15 million a year. And she charges The People anywhere from $300 and up for a basic seat, up to $2500 if you wanna meet her in person. I'd prefer to go down to a drag show on the strip and watch a Britney impersonator do the same show and only have to pay a two-drink minimum.

Lindsay Lohan is still in the UK because, as she says, the people in America are out to get her and that it's all our fault she's such a massive train wreck.

A source — and you know its Dina, Skyping in from Long Island — says:

“Lindsay’s convinced everyone in America is out to get her, but she’s had the opposite experience in London. She loves British culture and says people have treated her with respect for the first time in years. Now she’s looking into the immigration process and planning a full-time relocation.”

But I wouldn't hold my breath for that to happen because, just as we tired of her antics here, those folks across the pond are getting an eyeful of The Lohan Rampage.

It seems — big surprise — that Lohan is out partying ‘til the wee hours of the morning and our source — Hey Dina!! — says she has “fallen of the wagon” again, while convincing those around her she’s still clean and sober.

Of course, she may wanna stay in London for other reasons, like she has all kinds of money and tax problems on this side of the pond and thinks if she stays away all her troubles will just disappear.

Well, Linds, I got news for you: Denial ain't no river in England.

Remember how Casper Smart ALLEGEDLY cheated on Jennifer Lopez with a transsexual model or two before she kicked his grade school ass to the curb?

Well, Casper wants y'all to know that he never EVER cheated on La Lopez.

As we now know, the JLo-Smart fling is over, though was it over when the cheating scandal broke, as most people think, or was it over months ago as JLo's people want us to believe?

Either way, Smart — an odd name for a dumbass — is so pissy that people are saying he's a cheater that his lawyers fired off a letter to TheDirty.com telling them to stop saying Casper had flings with two transsexuals. Smart has given the site an ultimatum — either retract the story or get sued; his lawyer also sent threatening letters to the two transsexuals … imploring them to sign declarations saying they never met Smart.

Well, Dirty.com's Nik Richie has a response:

“Casper, go get a real job. I heard Instagram is hiring over in their compliance department … Stop blaming everyone else for your problems.”

Ouch. And you just know the only reason Casper wants to sue is that JLo cut off his allowance and baby boy needs some coin.

Bachelor contestant Courtney Robertson, who was picked by Ben Flajnik in 2012 — and they lasted about a half-minute after the show went off the air — has a new tell-all out called I Didn’t Come Here to Make Friends: Confessions of a Reality Show Villain. The working title was I’ll Do Anything For Coins So Hire Me.

I digress. It seems some of the more salacious details from Courtney’s book have been steadily leaking to the press, including her claim to have had an on-off thing with Entourage’s Adrian Grenier and that she considered him well hung but hairy.

Now, though, the leaks pertain to Courtney having sex with Ben twice while on the show — while he was presumably having sex with at least three other women on the show — once on camera in the ocean and once in the Fantasy Suite.

The gross thing about this televised STD-fest is that Courtney and Ben had unprotected sex because no one bothered to leave condoms in the Fantasy Suite — not that these two famewhores would have bothered to use them.

Still, Courtney makes a great deal of noise about how all the contestants are being tested for STD’s prior to filming, but not given protection during the show.

Seriously, ABC, are you planning on covering all those STD treatments for all your contestants?

Meanwhile, back at Lohan.

At the Moschino show in London last week she ended up chatting with a style reporter from the New York Times who paid special attention to the fact that Lohan actually arrived on time for the show and sat in the front to support “her friend” designer Jeremy Scott.

Lohan ALLEGEDLY told the reporter she doesn’t go to every fashion show — after being seen at every fashion show last week — unless, and I quote, “It’s Chanel.” Then she paused, realizing where she was, and added, “Or Jeremy Scott!”

Poor Cracktress can’t even keep a story coherent.

But then she reveals the real reason she’s in London — or at least the reason that plays on a continuous loop inside her head; Lohan says she is in town preparing for a potential appearance in David Mamet’s “Speed-the-Plow” in the West End.

“Preparing” for a “potential” role; like I’m “preparing” for a “potential” run at the White House in 2016.

The London papers have been saying for a while that Lohan was trying to beg—or prostitute herself—for a stage role, but she kept showing up late to all of her meetings and no one in the London theatre community wanted to work with her.

So, this begs the question: does anyone really think Lohan will make her stage debut in the West End or does she mean she’ll hang out by stage doors in the West End looking for up-and-coming actor to schtup?

And if she does by chance get the gig, how many performances do you think she’ll give before deciding it’s too hard and quitting.

I’ve got ‘one.’

It kinda seems like ElevatorGate has put a damper on the careers of Beyoncé and Jay Z; or maybe the rumors of cheating on both sides, he with Rachel Roy, she with The Bodyguard — not Kevin Costner, though.

I mean, last year the tickets to their On The Run tour might have sold out in minutes, this year, not so much.

According to the leading ticket sales distributor, tens of thousands of tickets are still available for the “On the Run” concert in Miami on July 25, as well as Atlanta on July 15 and a July 12 show in New Jersey. And those are the big city, big tickets shows that saw both Justin Timberlake‘s 20/20 tour and Madonna‘s MDMA tour sell out quickly.

But lack of airplay for both of the couple’s new releases might have something to do with it, or maybe people are sick and tired of The Carters after the elevator smackdown.

Either way, there are plenty of seats left to watch Jay sweat and Bey grind.

If you’re into that sort of thing.

So Kim and Kanye Kardashian, er, West, er Kardastrophe.

Did you see those pictures of them on their honeymoon in Ireland? Of course not, because the couple spent four days of that trip in their hotel room trying to Photoshop the kiss picture from their wedding.

Seriously. The straight comes straight from Kanye’s ever-flapping yap:

“Let me tell you something about that kiss photo that my girl put up … this was pissing my girl off during the honeymoon, she was exhausted because we worked on the photo so much because Annie Leibovitz pulled out right before the wedding. I think that she was, like, scared of the idea of celebrity. Because Annie pulled out, I was like, ‘Okay, I still want my wedding photos to look like Annie Leibovitz,’ and we sat there and worked on that photo for, like, four days because the flowers were off-color. Can you imagine telling someone who wants to just Instagram a photo, who’s the No. 1 person on Instagram, ‘We need to work on the color of the flower wall,’ or the idea that it’s a Givenchy dress, and it’s not about the name Givenchy, it’s about the talent that is Riccardo Tisci — and how important Kim is to the Internet. And the fact the No. 1 most-liked photo [on Instagram] has a kind of aesthetic was a win for what the mission is, which is raising the palette.”

Wow. I thought she had the big ass and he had the big ego, but maybe she has the big ego and he’s just a big ass.

Back to JLo and some interesting news: She’s divorced.

Yes, three years after filing and two days after dumping boy-toy cheater, Casper Smart, Jell-O and Marc Anthony have finally ironed out the details of their split. Is it me, or did the divorce dealing last longer than the marriage?

And there are some interesting strings attached …there is no spousal or child support due either one of them, Marc and JLo each get to take the kids trick-or-treating separately … which means the lucky twins will be doubling up on full size candy bars and they are both prohibited from making their kids public spectacles in front of the paparazzi, but the most interesting bit is that JLo gets primary custody while Marc gets the kid just 7 days a month, as long as their nannies are present.

Meaning: JLo is watching Marc when he’s with the kids.

Control freak much?