Bobservations

There’s this thing at our house where I go back to the office to pay bills, work on my blog, do paperwork, or whatever, and Carlos comes back about every few minutes to ask me this or that, or show him this or that. I always joke that if I want Carlos around just get on the computer and he’ll show up.

Last Saturday, he did just that; every four minutes or so … help move a table … fix the new duster he bought … tell him what color that shirt is. The last time he came back, I answered his question and then told Siri to set a five-minute Carlos-Is-Going-To-Annoy-Me timer and she said:

“You five-minute Annoy Me timer is set.”

I.Died.

Carlos.Sulked.

This episode of Cats is from August 2011 and is entitled WTF? It's Monday And I'm As Happy As A Basket Of Cats

Except these two don't look so happy .......

The late greats MaxGoldberg and Tuxedo, BFFs.

One of Cankles lapdogs is of the Homosexual breed and is named Scott Bessent ... why he would work for an anti-LQBTQ+ asshat is amazing to me ... but even more amazing is that this week Bessent actually said that Cankles told him all of Melanie’s female friends—AKA other Slovenian hookers—have asked to be set up with Bessent but are stunned he’s gay.

Uh huh.

Now to scrub my eyes and mind of everything Bessent, howsabout some outdoorsy cakes?

Talk about a foot fetish.

Alexander Skarsgård is well known for his fashion fearlessness, and his latest promotional tour he hit the “Wicker” red carpet in London in an eye-catching all-gold Saint Laurent suit and some freaky footwear.

What say you about the shoes?

For those of you drinking the Amazon Kool-Aid please remember this every Prime Day …

Bezos and Amazon help fuel ICEstapo deportation.

Bezos and Amazon gave $100 million to Cankles’ inauguration,

Bezos and Amazon scrapped plans to display tariff costs after pressure from Cankles.

Bezos and Amazon donated to Cankles’ ballroom and the destruction of the East Wing.

Bezos and Amazon want to reboot The Apprentice with Cankles’ Coke-headed son.

Seriously. Eat the rich.

Kacey Musgraves has zero fucks to give and took a swipe at fired former Homeland Security secretary Kristi Noem, after Noem took slammed Musgraves for having Texas Senate candidate James Talarico at her concert over the weekend by saying:

“I don’t think you have a dog in this fight but if you did you would have shot it.”

Smack! Bam! Pow!

And then … Kacey Musgraves has a mariachi band of teenage brothers detained by the ICEstapo open another one of her concerts in Texas.

That’s the energy we need.

Raphael Diogo is an American model of Brazilian descent, renowned for his undeniable presence in the fashion industry and his background as a Ju-Jitsu world champion so Would You Let Him Hit You or Would You Hit It?

Why Is It ...

… that people need to stop sending boob shots and dick pics; send me a video of you reading so I know you’re not dumb.

… that people don’t see that I’m what Willis was talkin’ ‘bout.

… that while I am not excited about getting older I do enjoy how no one asks me to help them move anymore.

… that when my dentist told me I needed a crown my first response was, “I know, right?”

… that when someone tells me they don’t like me I often say, “Ouch! You hit me right in the I Don’t Give A Fuck.”

… that the older I get the more I understand why the cats walk away mid-conversation.

… that my nighttime routine includes a final pee, a back-up pee, and a ‘just in case’ pee.

… that no one has ever suggested that hemorrhoids should be called assteroids.

… that when my therapist asked about my intention for the day, I said, “May the bridges I burn light the motherfuking way,” and she just said, “No.”

… that my friends have just realized that I have “ROMO,” the Relief Of Missing Out.

Bobservations

The other night after dinner I was doing the cleanup—around these parts thems that cooks don’t clean, and thems that eats does the cleaning—and I found all kinds of vegetable detritus on the island; bits of tomato and pepper, onion and garlic, and a few seeds of some sort.

After getting dishes in the dishwasher and scrubbing a skillet I turned my attention to the island and wiped away the scraps just in time for Carlos to enter, screaming:

“Where are the seeds??”

“What?”

“The seeds. The seeds.”

“What seeds?

“I set aside some lemon seeds to plant in the backyard.”

“Sweetie, all I saw was food scraps and I trashed all of it.”

“I wanted to plant the lemon seeds to grow a tree.”

“Look, Jack, we don’t need no stinking beanstalk! Or any new trees. We’ve already got about a hundred trees or more and we don’t need another one.”

“But I wanted to grow lemons.”

“Did you forget about the time you wanted to grow grapefruit?”

“Never mind.”

I made peace by suggesting he get a  mini-lemon tree he can grow in the sunroom and not he’s like a cat with a new toy. 

This ode to cats is from April 2011 and is entitled: “Caturday: The Naptime Edition”:

Cats love to nap. Eat and then nap. Stretch and then nap. Use the litter box and then nap. Nap and then, you guessed it, nap. And they all do it pretty much the same way: curled up in a tight little ball. All except The Most handsome Cat Ever, Tuxedo, who marches, er, naps, to his own drummer.

Top Row: Tallulah Belle. On a dining room chair??!!??? And MaxGoldberg. On a cat bed, like a good boy.

Bottom Row: Miss Consuelo Roca Jones. As the newbie, she hasn't graduated to 'cat bed' yet. And last but never least, Tuxedo. Like Sinatra, he does it his way.

Here’s the whisk I mentioned last week. Ours has a handle like the left one but the whisk shape is more like the right one.

And just  in case anyone is wondering, we’ll be serving the cakes upstairs after dinner.

When you’re a former film star and really don’t have a career any longer, what do you do? Why, you run to the nearest podcast and talk about a movie you made 33 years ago.

Yes, Billy Baldwin—that’s him up there—whose career is going gangbusters … I kid … telling folks he will “never, ever work with” Sharon Stone again after they starred in “Sliver” in 1993. It seems she didn’t care for him at the time so Baldwin told producers he wouldn’t film love scenes with Stone. He finally gave in but with a caveat:

“I can do the scene but just please don’t make me kiss her. … I can’t kiss her.”

He’s held on to that story for 33 years until he figured he could use some press. Stone, for her part, when asked to comment, said:

“Who’s Billy Baldwin?”

Well, I imagine she said that.

These viral "hoof shoes" featured on the Neiman Marcus website are the Givenchy Leather Fringe Sandals, which cost $2,350.

No joke.

Magnus Juell is a Norwegian-Danish male model, fashion model, commercial model, e-commerce model, runway model, editorial model, hand model and fit model … Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

Carlos thinks he’s funny. He’s a lot of things, sweet and smart and kind but he’s acquired taste of funny; he likes to make up jokes … like the email he sent to his friend Ellen who had a birthday last week. He wrote her a poem about aging joke and, yes, those can be funny if you’re turning forty or fifty, but when you’re turning 70+ a joke about how you started your life in diapers and you’ll be ending your life in diapers, is not necessarily funny to everyone.

Ellen was not amused—but to be fair, Ellen has no sense of humor.

But then later that same day I was purging the kitchen of things we didn’t need, don’t use, don’t want and I came across this oddly-shaped whisk; it looks like a large cone-shaped spring on a handle—perhaps a potato masher—and we don’t use it so I opted to donate it. Then Carlos saw it and said maybe he’d send it to his friend Byron who might like it as a sex toy, and I said:

“Honey. Honey. Sweetie. You’re not funny. You’re cute as a bug’s ear, sweet as all get out, and kinder than a pack of singing nuns in a Disney movie, but you’re not known for the funny.”

He put down the whisk.

This Tribute to Cats [and Dog]  is from March 2011 …  Caturday....With A Small Dose Of Dog[?]urday

Tuxedo and Max Goldberg like to sneak off for a 'nap'. Yeah, that's it......nap.

My two handsome men!

Consuelo Roca Jones. Hey, if she doesn't know I'm taking her picture, I don't get the stink eye!

And speaking of stink eye, Tallulah was giving it on the down-low when I caught her playing with Consuelo's toy.

And Ozzo, poor Ozzo. He begged not to be included on Caturday. He.Begged.

JD Vance gave a speech in which he noted that “we are about to celebrate the 25th year” of 9/11.

Celebrate? I think you mean commemorate dumbass because we are not celebrating the murders of 3,000 Americans.

Ever.

Sixteen years ago, Google pulled its search engine out of China because they chose not to submit to an authoritarian government.

Today they are renaming lakes because a fascist, sitting on the toilet at 2AM, told them so.

I have been watching Westies about New York in the 70s and the Irish and Italian mob going head-to-head. It’s good; gritty and dirty and then, of course, hot.

And by hot I mean that guy up there, Tom Brittney, who plays James, the good bad guy. He looks good in his jeans and even better out of his jeans..

Smolder. 

Just as I have never called that bloated, farting, diaper-shitting, racist, rapist, pedophile, grifting criminal my president,. I will never call the Gulf of Mexico by any other name, nor will I ever call Lake Ontario anything other than Lake Ontario. And the Kennedy Center will always be the Kennedy Center.

This is all a deflection for his inept ability to fix the economy, stop a war he started for no reason, and keep us from finding out how many young children he raped on Epstein’s Island.

Flock CEO Garrett Langley thinks you don’t deserve the right to privacy so his Flock Cameras are going up everywhere to watch you, but … Langley has blurred his house in Google maps because he thinks he deserves the right to privacy.

Think on that. 

Clark Bockelman is a thirty-four-year-old American high-fashion model who rose to prominence in the early 2010s due to his classic blond, muscular, "all-American" look … so, Would You Hit It?

Meme Dump: The All Cats Edition