I Ain't One To Gossip But ... COVIDIOT-19 Edition

Arielle Charnas, a fashion influencer—whatever that means—is being, rightfully attacked for fleeing NYC to the Hamptons after testing positive for COVID-19. And, because her followers might ditch her and then what would she do, Charnas has taken to social media to issue tearful apology, all while her husband, Brandon, goes after her critics.

It all began when Arielle Charnas—who founded the lifestyle blog Something Navy and has 1.3 million Instagram followers--pissed off her “fans” when she got a COVID-19 test via connections to a fancy doctor while others in the city cannot get tested.

To make matters worse, these out-of-touch, self-entitled, media whores, Arielle and Brandon, filmed every detail of Arielle’s ordeal as she went to a drive-through testing site. And they kept filming when her test came back positive, and kept filming as she fled to the Hamptons, with the virus, and took all kinds of photos of her outside.

And people went off; and that’s went Arielle sniffled and apologized:

“My family and I are truly sorry to those we have offended for not appearing to [take] this crisis gravely seriously. We’re not bad people.”

No, you’re entitled selfish asshats. And your husband, Brandon is a dick. See, Brandon didn’t like being called out for being a moron, and took to calling one of Arielle’s “fans,” Andrea Rodríguez, “a loser” after she posted to Instagram that Arielle is “reckless, selfish and irresponsible.”

“Get a life,” Brandon said.

Perhaps Brandon—founder of commercial real estate firm Current Real Estate Advisors—needs to think of his own life, because while Arielle is positive for the virus, so is he and so is their nanny, who went with the infected duo to the Hamptons.

This is the One Percent; they get special treatment and don’t think the rules apply to them, and only when their image or their brand is threatened. do they pretend to apologize.

They should be in quarantine for months for being such Covidiots.

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Ivanka is self-isolating and wants y’all to know that she’s rereading The Odyssey and learning to play guitar, while describing her self-quarantine experience as similar to “pretty much every parent around the country” amid the COVID-19 pandemic.

Yes, my staff of nannies and maids and butlers share her pain. But, here’s the bigger question? Why is she not at the White House? I mean, Daddy’s there, holding his daily press rally; and even Jared’s at work, telling people who can and cannot get a mask. But Ivanka gets a vacation?

Well, she did appear on a Yahoo Finance interview to discuss Daddy’s plans for the country as well as the steps she’s taken to help curb the spread of the virus.

Um, let’s see …Daddy learned of the virus last fall and did nothing; he was reminded of it again in January and did nothing; a group of Senators went to the White House in February asking for emergency funding for an imminent pandemic and he did nothing. Then, when he finally realized how late he was to the “party,” he told us it would be over in two weeks, or we could go to Church on Easter, or that a 100,000 people dead was a win.

Yes, by all means you self-entitled little bitch tell us what daddy’s doing, and what you’re reading and how you and your kids and your staff are getting by in the manse.

Better yet, instead of reading Homer, read my lips: fuck off, you complicit bitch.

Sidenote: look at that photo and tell me she isn’t looking more and more like Daddy every day, and how much that is killing her!

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Speaking of out-of-touch and self-entitled media whores—I’m sensing a theme—Jennifer Lopez and fiancé Alex Rodriguez don’t think the virus will get them—they’ve probably already gotten tested and have masks and have their staff on a six-foot tether—because, well, this …

While these two ignorant millionaires probably have their own gyms in any number of the homes they own—or could have one built at the snap of a finger—their more concerned with getting their photos in the papers apparently. See, their regular gym in Miami was closed as the virus hit Florida, but the owners unlocked the doors for these two selfish pigs.

To be fair, Florida Governor, and _____ butt-bot, Ron DeSantis, hadn’t shut down the state as yet, but the gym did close its doors to patrons, except for J-Rod … or A-Hole. When they arrived at thee gym, they found a sign posted to the door:

“The gym is not open stay home stay safe.”

Well, that was meant for regular people because these two morons were allowed inside. Did they not know about the virus? Could be because JLo probably only reads the news when she sees her name in print, but, as they were leaving the gym, a mask-wearing security guard—maybe they think he can protect them from the virus—opened up the SUV door for them with a sanitizing wipe.

Maybe when they got home, they had the staff give them each their own sanitizing wash.

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And since we’re on a roll with asshats … Gwyneth ‘Contagion’ Paltrow and her husband Brad ‘Why Did I Get Married’ Falchuk.

With nothing better to do, and sure the world cannot exist without her wisdom, Contagion hosted a chat with “intimacy coach” Michaela Boehm about sex in the time of COVID-19. And one of the questions that Contagion asked is how she and Brad get their hypoallergenic rocks off during a pandemic when they are side-by-side with the kids in quarantine in their Brentwood mansion:

“We’re lucky that we have a really solid relationship but we’re also in the house with the kids and it’s pretty close quarters. I think we all feel, especially my teenagers right now, are feeling really pent in … [and] as a couple it’s sort of like, ‘Where do you go as a couple when you’re all in the house and you’ve got dogs, and work, and work from home’. It’s like, ‘What are you supposed to do?’”

Hmm, quick guess would be ANYWHERE ON IN YOUR 20,000 SQUARE FOOT MANSION where the children don’t have to listen to Contagion and Brad f-alch-uckng.

Of course, that photo up top there, taken during their intimacy interview, clearly shows the last thing Brad wants to do is Contagion.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

You may remember that my BFF, Gwyneth Paltrow,  and her newly consciously coupled husband, Brad Falchuk married over a year ago and yet have never lived together.

Well, who could live with GOOP, but I digress … because the Falchuk-Paltrow’s are living together! And Gwynnie tells Jimmy Kimmel the hold off on the move-in was actually because of their teenage children …

“I think, really, because we each have two teenage children whom we love very much, but we were just trying to be mindful and give them a little space and not move too quickly… But now, we’re merged, and it’s great.”

But Jimmy prodded and prodded and asked her if Brad was allowed to keep any of his things when they coupled, and the truth came out:

“He got to keep some of his stuff. He’s [got] good taste. He’s got really nice clothes and we put some chairs from his house in there.”

She let him bring some chairs? Brad, honey, take your IKEA chairs and run.

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Chelsea Handler went on Jada Pinkett Smith’s Facebook talk show, Red Table Talk, to get into white privilege and it goes like this ….

Chelsea says she knows all about white privilege because she once went to a grocery store and came across a check-out line that was too long so she just said, ’Fuck it,’ and walked out of the store without paying because they would never stop a white woman.

No Chelsea, that’s not white privilege, that’s you tucking a ham in your cooch and strolling out of Ralph’s quietly.

Honey? You’re a thief.

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I’d say ‘Color me surprised,’ but why lie …

A mere few weeks after Miley Cyrus dumped her husband, and Aussie hottie, Liam Hemsworth, and then took up  with Kaitlynn Carter, Miley said she was taking time to be single.

And then those five seconds passed and now Miley has been paparazzi’d making out with Cody Simpson, the Aussie Justin Bieber.

I guess she has a thing for Aussie’s and relationships that end before the sell-by date on a carton of milk.

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Meanwhile, back at Gwyneth Paltrow … She is not really that into acting anymore.Odd, because acting was never really into her either, but I digress …

Paltrow was on a panel to discuss her role in a new Netflix series—created by her husband Brad Falchuk in exchange for being allowed to bring chairs into their home—and she said, of her acting job:

“I married a TV writer… he’s fantastic but he sort of dragged me back to the old job… I wouldn’t say I’m that passionate about it anymore…I have had a lot of good luck and a lot of hard work, which led to a really good film career…at a certain point I felt like it wasn’t what I wanted to do …so I did a little pivot.”

Which is doublespeak for when most of Hollywood said, “Gwyneth who?” and she started steaming her vagina instead.

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And now, sad news … the fabulous Diahann Carroll died this week at the age of eighty-four.

Miss Carroll, and she deserves Miss Carroll, started her career as a nightclub singer in 1954. And in that same year she made her film debut in Carmen Jones alongside Dorothy Dandridge. She also appeared in the film version of Porgy & Bess before taking on the groundbreaking television role of Julia, where she played the first non-stereotypical African American female character on television. Julia was not a maid, but was a nurse raising her son on her own after her husband was killed in Vietnam.

Miss Carroll said this of Julia:

“We’re going to present a very upper middle-class black woman raising her child, and her major concentration is not going to be about suffering in the ghetto. Many people were incensed about that. They felt that [African Americans] didn’t have that many opportunities on television or in film to present our plight as the underdog … they felt the [real-world] suffering was much too acute to be so trivial as to present a middle-class woman who is dealing with the business of being a nurse. But we were of the opinion that what we were doing was important, and we never left that point of view … We were of a mind that this was a different show. We were allowed to have this show.”

Miss Carroll received a Golden Globe award and an Emmy nomination for Julia. When that show ended, Miss Carroll starred in the title role in the 1974 movie Claudine and was nominated for a Best Actress Oscar.

And then came the 80s … and back to television for Dynasty where she would become Dominique Deveraux, Blake Carrington’s half-sister, from 1984 to 1987. Miss Carroll pushed to have that role created especially for her, saying:

“They’ve done everything. They’ve done incest, homosexuality, murder. I think they’re slowly inching their way toward interracial. I want to be wealthy and ruthless … I want to be the first black bitch on television.”

And she was, and she was fabulous at it.

After Dynasty she played Whitley’s mom on A Different World—and received another Emmy nomination—and guest starred on Soul Food, Whoopi and Grey’s Anatomy. On the stage, she appeared in House of Flowers, No Strings—for which she won a Tony—Agnes of God, Love Letters, A Raisin in the Sun, On Golden Pond, and as an African American Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard.

She was fierce and fabulous.

RIP Miss Carroll.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

It was last we talked about how furious DJ Khaled was that his latest “musical” effort didn’t top the Billboard charts and how he threw a fit at his record label.

Well, he’s still pissy and is now threatening to sue Billboard ALLEGING that the organization unfairly disqualified more than 100,000 sales of “Father of Asahd,” robbing him of the No. 1 spot.

Khaled was her-sterical when his album came in at No.  2 to Tyler, the Creator’s IGOR after Billboard ALLEGEDLY discounted downloads old by the DJ and his producer as part of a “bundle deal” with an energy drink, a controversial industry practice to boost sales.

Billboard had agreed to count the downloads, but later backtracked, disqualifying Khaled’s entire sales from the promotion, arguing there were “anomalies” in his figures.

And now DJ Khaled is suing mad.

Seriously. Someone put him down for a nap; he cranky.

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I am no fan of Tom Cruise, y’all know that, but this is high-larious: Justin Bieber … Justin Effing Bieber … has challenged Tommy to an MMA-style fight with this Tweet:

“I wanna challenge Tom Cruise to fight in the octagon. Tom if you dont take this fight your scared and you will never live it down. Who is willing to put on the fight?”

I believe Tommy will have Suri step into the octagon for him, and even Suri could whip The Biebs.

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Gwyneth Paltrow is pooping shiz out of her mouth again, this time about her latest marriage to Brad Falchuck.

She says they only spend four nights a week together and, Gwynnie says, all her friends are jealous of the fact that the newlyweds live separately.

Huh. The last time Paltrow lived separately from a husband she called it Consciously Uncoupling and a divorce soon followed.

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Khloé Kardastrophe has a new spin coming out. And by that, I mean she thinks she can just tell a lie and the world will accept it as truth.

See, she wants y’all to know that she didn’t know she was breaking up a relationship when she began schtupping Tristan Thompson and getting knocked up because she didn’t know that he was already in a relationship with the Baby Mama of his first child.

It all began when she decided to drag Jordyn Woods for getting with Tristan given the fact that he cheated on his Baby Mama with Khloe until she got knocked up.

See the hypocrisy? Khloe doesn’t. But then she is a Kardastrophe.

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Wendy Williams’ life was a mess for a long time, given that her husband has been carrying on an affair for years using Wendy’s coins to fund his tryst, but now that they’ve separated—given that his side piece recently birthed his child—it appears Wendy’s life hasn’t gotten and easier.

Wendy, who nearly has a breakdown over the end of her marriage, though, has jumped right into a new relationship, and this one is as messy as the ex. See, her new man is not only there to console her, he has a record …and not the musical kind … and Wendy knows all about it and it’s totally fine!

Wendy, who left a sober living facility right after divorcing her cheating spouse also has her own drama with her son, Kevin Jr., whose Daddy, The Cheater, tried to pit against Wendy. Daddy, er, Kevin Sr. was trying to get more payouts from Wendy to take care of the side piece and the baby and told Junior to stop taking “handouts” from his mom. Wendy spilled all the tea to TMZ, but then shared the bright spot that she had a new man in her life: 27-year-old Marc Tomblin.

Sadly, as TMZ does, they checked Marc out and found court records that show that Marc pled guilty to conspiracy to commit robbery with a dangerous weapon in 2013.

But, again, it’s all good because Wendy knows. I guess when you’ve been conned by a guy for decades, you take a hot minute and check the new dude, as Wendy says:

“I’m not stupid! … I am a 54-year-old grown ass woman. I know what I’m doing … Look, my husband had a full baby with a woman he was involved with for 15 years … where I was cooped up only to be a show pony. Now, I’m living my life.”

With an ex-con.

I guess you gotta start somewhere.

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